/tg/Station 13

Posted: **Tue Sep 01, 2015 10:54 pm**

Bottom post of the previous page:

>be traitor scientist
>target is some roboticist
>get a synie key
>ayyy, target is the only other person on syndie comms
>decide to autism R&D for infinite adrenal + freedom implants, because it's totally balanced
>target decides to bomb the shit out of the station
>target suicide bombs a ling

>unsurprisingly, shuttle is here
>only like, 5 people + a borg alive on the shuttle
>bring my emagged crusher with me because why not
>anchor it to right and below the shuttle cargo door
>stand on other side of the door, ready to push anyone that comes in, into the crusher
>law 2 the borg into the crusher
>he does it
>pull the other science guy in
>push him in
>other 2 crew are watching in horror
>pull out large ebow
>throw another guy in
>last guy comes in and hits me with a crowbar
>just bump into him, pushing him into the crusher too

Fucking crushers man, they're god damn hilarious.

Posted: **Wed Sep 02, 2015 12:11 am**

lumipharon wrote:>be traitor scientist
>target is some roboticist
>get a synie key
>ayyy, target is the only other person on syndie comms
>decide to autism R&D for infinite adrenal + freedom implants, because it's totally balanced
>target decides to bomb the shit out of the station
>target suicide bombs a ling

>unsurprisingly, shuttle is here
>only like, 5 people + a borg alive on the shuttle
>bring my emagged crusher with me because why not
>anchor it to right and below the shuttle cargo door
>stand on other side of the door, ready to push anyone that comes in, into the crusher
>law 2 the borg into the crusher
>he does it
>pull the other science guy in
>push him in
>other 2 crew are watching in horror
>pull out large ebow
>throw another guy in
>last guy comes in and hits me with a crowbar
>just bump into him, pushing him into the crusher too

Fucking crushers man, they're god damn hilarious.

Don't emagged crushers gib?

Posted: **Wed Sep 02, 2015 12:15 am**

nah, they do something that is way cooler IMO by destroying all objects on the mob that passed through it and dealing max brute damage to every limb, leaving a bloody pulp behind

Posted: **Wed Sep 02, 2015 12:36 am**

They used to gib, but that was pretty rediculous so it got nerfed.

Posted: **Wed Sep 02, 2015 2:46 am**

Ask a badmin to set "emagged" to 2 to get gibbing. Honk.

Posted: **Fri Sep 04, 2015 12:40 am**

>janitor
>wander around cleaning for a bit
>suddenly a newton tag
>disgonbgud.jpg
>go get soap from the captain
>keep in touch with the HoS and the AI about gang tags
>keep cleaning
>get floor buffer
>go into science
>omni tags everywhere
>scientists in a cluster
>ohshit.jpg
>"AI OPEN NOW"
>phoebe runs up with a pen
>try to dodge
>You are now a member of the Omni gang!
>convince the ai they're friends because i cleaned up the gang tags nearby
>tag for a while
>we're outweighing everyone else
>38% influence
>ask phoebe what to do
>'ask tore, he's the boss'
>see tore
>suddenly gold slime core
>changed into monkey
>eaten by pine tree
>tore is turned into a simple alien
>omni regroups
>phoebe subverts the ai
>Newton Gang is taking over the station!
>security office
>all of sec and captain are gangsters
>welp that's it
>suddenly omni strike force
>charges in and goes nuts
>take out maybe 2 people before they're all gunned down
>orange slime shows up
>retreats after a little bit
>ghost around for a while
>suddenly
>newton dominator gone
>go over
>mediborg hitting dominator with mini-extinguisher
>a mediborg just stopped the dominator
>mediborg escapes alive
>go above bridge
>omni slime and sec officer are preparing for an assault on the dominator
>suddenly someone runs up with captain's laser
>starts shooting officer
>slime runs over and fucking instacrits the captain's laser holder
>"i'm gonna distract them"
>waltzes into the brig
>remaining gangsters not sure how to react
>slime walks up to hos and shocks
>hos critted instantly
>remaining two gangsters hide out in sec office
>slime walks into office
>both gangsters fucking book it
>slime runs up to gangster and instacrits
>captain grabs an extinguisher
>slime escapes alive
>shuttle arrives
>slime gets on
>three people get on and attack the slime
>it kills them all
>durand piloted by omni gangster and the slime are the only survivors
>ooc whining that slimes are too powerful
>a slime killed the entire newton gang by itself

Posted: **Fri Sep 04, 2015 4:28 pm**

>Haha, time for a morning round of doctoring-
>YOU ARE THE LING, GO EAT THAT HOP
>fug
>Still decide to do my doctoring and just eat whatevers in the morgue
>Lizard chef in the bar has guardian spirit
>They chill at first, then tries to kill me and kills some others
>Out myself as a ling trying to fight it with armblade, still end up dead
>Tries to burn me, regen after the crew fight the chef and spirit off
>Oh it's on now
>Armblade out, go find him in medbay, spirit can't keep up with my flesh mend
>Kill that ligger, some crew who saw me don't care I'm a ling because I helped stop the spirit and chef
>Showing off my armblade to an engineer, I'm outed already so may as well
>Lizard HoS (or the warden in his clothes) sees my armblade, queue yakkety for a while
>End up caught, some of the crew who I thought were friends end up helping kill me
>Get gibbed, such is ling lif-
>Suddenly getting cloned, remember I got backed up
>Same people who helped kill me with sec are cloning me
>Yoooooou sly motherfuckers
>They give me a suicide, assume new identity, go to HoP and become doctor again
>Go back to doctoring till the shuttle gets called, feel like I can't fight or hurt this crew after helping me

I didn't greentext, but that was still a fun time. Some crew ended up trusting me more than sec. #armbladeoutdontshoot #linglivesmatter

Posted: **Fri Sep 04, 2015 4:58 pm**

Xhuis wrote:*snip*

IF YOU CAN'T DO THE SLIME, DON'T DO THE CRIME

Posted: **Sat Sep 05, 2015 12:05 am**

How on Earth was a gold slime instacritting people anyways, I mean, I know that the more slimes feed they build up charge that will stun people for ridiculous amounts of time once they punch them, but instacrits? Was this a bug?

Posted: **Sun Sep 06, 2015 4:38 am**

I just made seven cyborgs out of posibrains, named after wildcats - Panther, Ocelot, Bobcat, Lynx, Puma, Serval and Jaguar.
Satisfying. Would've continued to make lion, tiger, cheetah and leopard had I the metal.

Posted: **Mon Sep 07, 2015 4:00 am**

>assistant
>start typing "suicide"
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>assassinate some ligger and escape alive
>ok
>that's boring
>trade my telecrystals
>become shadowling
>go to arrivals, people at sec checkpoint
>keklorde the mime there
>wait a sec
>"hey mime, want a license to griff?"
>"keklorde nods"
>enthrall mime
>ask if they have anything useful
>"all-access"
>what.jpg
>get summa dat sweet access
>go hatch
>see an assistant in maint
>sic my thrall on them and charge
>suddenly he sanics away at crazy speed
>thefuck.jpg
>"SHADOWLINGS IN ARRIVALS MAINT"
>nobody believes him because there was a tator earlier
>wander maint
>have my thrall hide me in a locker and relocate to chapel maint
>THE EMERGENCY SHUTTLE HAS BEEN CALLED
>"singuloose"
>shit
>enthrall a botanist with 8 minutes on the clock and give him my id, tell him to recall shuttle
>he can't figure it out
>keklorde dies in a syndibomb blast
>shuttle goes past PoNR
>sadness
>yell at my bumblethrall for a second
>enthrall two or three more people
>shuttle docks
>all is lost
>but wait
>Keklorde: "I'm back"
>get an idea
>keklorde grabs me in a locker
>drags me to escape
>suddenly
>ALIEN HUNTER
>WHAT
>alien hunter slams into window
>mime drags me onto shuttle
>huge amounts of ayy
>mime killed
>pop out of locker and shadow walk to shuttle medbay
>group of people welded in
>jump into sleeper, nobody sees
>secborg gets on shuttle
>start making chatter about how there's aliums in the other room
>they're like "oh hi shadowling, yeah we know"
>not validhunted
>cry tears of relief
>ayyliens storm the medbay
>break in
>suddenly
>tiles start disappearing
>the walls are being pulled out
>THE SINGULARITY HUNGERS
>a few aliens sucked into it, it gets close
>shuttle launches
>two or three humans left, the dead mime, a bunch of ayy, and the secborg
>secborg dies in combat
>humans die from massive hull breach
>start singing space oddity
>i am a shadowling
>ground control to major tom
>there are aliens on the shuttle
>ground control to major tom
>the shuttle is almost gone
>ground control to major tom
>i am the only survivor
>take your protein pills and put your helmet on
>i was originally a traitor
>commencing countdown engines on
>i... wait a sec
>I WAS ORIGINALLY A TRAITOR
>frantically check objectives
>THEY'RE THE SAME
>dying of pressure
>30 seconds left on the clock
>i go into crit
>5 seconds left
>xeno acid almost penetrated the sleeper i'm hiding in
>the sleeper melts
>i fall onto the floor
>detach from station and may god's love be with you
>the shuttle docks
>i am being torn apart
>this is ground control to major tom
>you've really made the grade
>and the papers want to know whose shirts you wear
>the round has ended!
>it's time to guide the capsule if you dare
>slowly scroll up

>i am dead seconds later
>i have succeeded

bonus

Spoiler:

Posted: **Tue Sep 08, 2015 9:49 am**

> Spawn as a chemist traitor, objective - stealing a slime extract.
> Remember how people trade telecrystals for non-human antags.
> Trade my crystals for a xenomorph. Think a bit on which kind, choosing between sentinel and drone.
> Eventually decide that flooding station with xenomorphs is not as cool as being a lone straggler.
> Spawn as a sentinel in engineering maints, start breakings APCs.
> An engineer comes to repairs the APCs and sees me. From my limited understanding of human speech, he's said "Oh shit".
> Engineer is dead and hidden. It seems that he managed to scream "Aliens!" over the radio before his death, because soon HoS comes to the maints.
> I attack HoS when he goes around a corner, claw him and hide his body.
> I head to science and repeat the process - kill the APCs, then kill the crew.
> Return to engineering maint and meet the mime. We look at each other for a few seconds, before he turns around and flees.
> I send a neurotoxin blast in his back, but an inivisible wall blocks it. Mime escapes, and now the whole station will know for sure.
> Security forms a response team, heavily armed one at that - at one point they almost kill me at science, but I ventcrawl to custodial and rest there.
> I wander around the bridge and kill a couple people there - God bless the station's architects for so many vents.
> Another engineer found HoS's body and looted his gun - she sees me and attempts to kill me, but stuns are simply too OP.
> Response team splits up, I stun them, drag them to the maints and finish them off there.
> Neu'rul, a lizard securitron, repairs the cloning and starts bringing people back to life - I can't allow that. He's not alone, however - one of his security buddies is standing nearby.
> I stun and kill (or nearly kill) Neu'rul's clown buddy, the lizard himself quickly notices it and runs towards me.
> I shoot neurotoxin and miss, he managed to get a couple of shots at me, while I run around the corner, preparing to shoot again.
> No plasma.
> Shit.
> Neu'rul outrobusts me and congratulates himself on his victory.
> The crew gets the fuck out away.

My killer thought that the round was exciting, so I decided might as well post it here.

Posted: **Tue Sep 08, 2015 3:49 pm**

> get xeno
> decide to murderbone rather than bring people into the round as aliens

Sentinel pls

Posted: **Fri Sep 11, 2015 9:42 pm**

>be ai
>decide to be depressing as fuck
>bryce pax captain, wew lads here we go
>new laws
>PROTECT THE CREW
>BE BOLD
>ok sure
>keep being depressing
>ask gods to change my name to marvin
>gottem
>they also make a 0th law that my brain is the size of a small universe
>nice meme
>gang shit happens
>deal with it
>get a trillion borgs, they all get cucked on the bridge my a lone mime with a flash and a fire axe
>k
>more gang shit
>STATION DESTRUCTION IMMINENT
>gene gang in testing lab
>have a durand, walled off the testing chamber, locked shit down
>small resistance
>nobody can stop them
>except that one miner that used the teleport beacon to go in right next to the dominator since they didnt remove it
>gene gang salty
>round has been going on for a long time at this point
>holes in hallways, gravgen, atmos, brig, lagging to shit
>people still fucking around
>admins: SHOULD WE SHAKE IT UP?
>oh lawdie
>gene gang sets up again in cargo
>nobody cares
>SUDDENLY WIZARD
>time stops a stack of laser beams onto the dominator, gibs that shit
>kills gang scum
>hero wizard
>shuttle almost here
>RESPAWNS NOW ENABLED
>wew
>station announcements flooding
>change that shit to WGW
>wew
>meme swords, wizards, ninjas, god knows what else literally everywhere
>midis spam ranging from SnK theme to un owen was her to pushing gaywards
>centcomm apologizes for meme overdose
>shuttle arrives
>mad rush, shuttle gets turned into a bloodbath
>wake me up inside
>shuttle leaves to the fanfare of dogs barking
>arrives in zero seconds
>station self-destructs
>a single honk permeates the lag-induced silence

memes/10 round admins

Posted: **Sat Sep 12, 2015 8:37 pm**

i would've killed you for lacking boldness but i saw your HHGTG reference and ran with it

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 7:46 am**

>Be RD
>Decide to go collect some Bananium to make a HONK because fuck it
>Install laser cannon, LMG, and the sacred Honkblaster
>Later, shuttle called
>Captain cries out for help on the radio
>Rush to bridge in mech, security already there and captain
>Attacker gets upper hand
>Unleash the cry of the Honkmother
>Attacker in custody
>Captain tells me that Bones McGee the transfer sec officer is a traitor and fled through EVA maint towards sec
>Follow in pursuit
>Bones stuns the captain and runs to the pod
>I walk right up to him, point blank
>HONK!
>Pump him full of lead while he's out
>One officer thanks me, another mistakes my act of heroism and attacks me
>HONK and take my leave
>Board escape shuttle
>HONK the crew down during the flight to make sure nobody tries anything funny
>Be the hero this station deserves

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:15 pm**

Luke Cox wrote:henk

I was the officer who shot at you in the escape pod. My bad. I still don't think Bones was a traitor though. He joined sec early and got himself implanted without any problems. I thought traitors couldn't be implanted.

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 3:39 pm**

Danowar wrote:
Luke Cox wrote:henk
I was the officer who shot at you in the escape pod. My bad. I still don't think Bones was a traitor though. He joined sec early and got himself implanted without any problems. I thought traitors couldn't be implanted.

implants mean diddly squat to traitors, it's head revs you can't implant

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 4:02 pm**

huh. could have sworn that was different back then. I thought that was the main reason why sec couldn't spawn in as traitors.

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 8:08 pm**

Danowar wrote:
Luke Cox wrote:henk
I was the officer who shot at you in the escape pod. My bad. I still don't think Bones was a traitor though. He joined sec early and got himself implanted without any problems. I thought traitors couldn't be implanted.

It was to be expected. Law enforcement just can't fully respect a masked man of justice.

On a related note, fuck the Gygax, the H.O.N.K. is the best security mech.

Posted: **Sun Sep 13, 2015 9:43 pm**

The honk is unironically super robust as a combat mech.
Honkblaster even works on people with ear protection like sec (but not earmuffs), so it's better then flashbangs.
Hell, if you're truly awful, you can have the honkblaster AND clusterbang launcher, to utterly fuck everyone while they're helpless from the HONK.

Posted: **Mon Sep 14, 2015 1:01 am**

Though I do feel like it's balanced by the fact that it's a pain in the ass to get. You have to get clown access on ID, go into space and find Bananium, and make it back alive.

Posted: **Mon Sep 14, 2015 1:29 am**

Luke Cox wrote:Though I do feel like it's balanced by the fact that it's a pain in the ass to get. You have to get clown access on ID, go into space and find Bananium, and make it back alive.

You don't need a clown access ID because the clowns on the ship have IDs with clown access. They also have the clown shoes and the horns you need in the construction of the mech.

Posted: **Mon Sep 14, 2015 3:32 am**

newfren wrote:
Luke Cox wrote:Though I do feel like it's balanced by the fact that it's a pain in the ass to get. You have to get clown access on ID, go into space and find Bananium, and make it back alive.
You don't need a clown access ID because the clowns on the ship have IDs with clown access. They also have the clown shoes and the horns you need in the construction of the mech.

But actually piloting the mech with a regular Clown ID is pain in the ass since you can't get into science or anywhere important and you can't add access to the HONK like you can other mechs. Plus, I don't think the armor modules work with it either.

Posted: **Mon Sep 14, 2015 11:21 am**

Luke Cox wrote:
newfren wrote:
Luke Cox wrote:Though I do feel like it's balanced by the fact that it's a pain in the ass to get. You have to get clown access on ID, go into space and find Bananium, and make it back alive.
You don't need a clown access ID because the clowns on the ship have IDs with clown access. They also have the clown shoes and the horns you need in the construction of the mech.
But actually piloting the mech with a regular Clown ID is pain in the ass since you can't get into science or anywhere important and you can't add access to the HONK like you can other mechs. Plus, I don't think the armor modules work with it either.

If you're RD you can just add access to the clown ID with the computer in your office, but to be honest I'm more used to making honk mechs as an assistant who already has fuck all access.

Posted: **Thu Sep 17, 2015 8:18 pm**

>be randy
>set roboticist to high
>OH YEAH TIME FOR SOME BO-
>YOU ARE THE CHANGELING
>ok.mp3
>have to kill some assistant, get the cap laser, 7 genomes and escape as said assistant
>walk out of science with circular saw, see my target
>saw the SHIT out of him and space his corpse
>grab gloves from tech storage, head out to hack into the cap office via tele, since therr's no cap
>manage to get in
>steve mic, the ce, is there
>"hey randy want to be the cap"
>agree
>take the cap laser, start extracting genomes left and right
>now i have all my objectives
>what now
>proceed to pray to the spess gods
>they answer, for once
>"LURE A ERT INTO THE STATION AND KILL THEM"
>oh lawd
>this should be interesting
>make a announcement that I have recieved info from the syndicate that NT trying to kill us by sending in a deathsquad masquerading as a ERT
>they buy it
>order shitons of lasers
>send several messages to centcom, both insulting and requests for help
>ERT arrives
>a single secborg proceeds to wreck them all
>kek
>centcom notifies us that they're sending another in
>start vuilding mechs like crazy
>end up with three durands and two gygaxes
>pretty much all of the crew is armed with 3+ lasers at this point
>my body is ready
>shuttle docks
>ERT is faced with a massive hail of laser fire, most of the die immediatly, rest duck into maint and get lynched later
>they get their shit kicked in
>shuttle called
>get to it in my mech
>docks
>itbegins.jpg
>start shooting at the passangers
>but alan bentway the hos first ions me and then pulse rifles my mech to shit
>whelp
>backtrack into cockpit
>weld the door closed
>alan c4's the door open, dodges my taser shots snd downs me with his pulse rifle
>the shuttle is close to docking at centcom
>at this point I am desperate to survive to get dat greentext, and am spamming fleshmend as he keeps shooting at me
>shuttle docks
>redtext
>compleated all objectives but escape as. Forgot to turn into my target, and really couldn't as I was incapacitated
>whelp
Thanks for a fun round, badmins.

Posted: **Fri Sep 18, 2015 10:10 am**

Awesome ^

Fuck me Alan Bentway is a scarey mof hos...

Posted: **Sat Sep 19, 2015 12:07 pm**

Does anyone have this one old story? I think it used to be on the old forums. It went something like the dude had kidnapped a bunch of people and put them in a room naked and they were pissing/shitting/vomiting themselves from a virus that gave them all brain damage and they eventually broke out after they beat a guy to death and threw his corpse at the window till it broke.

Posted: **Sat Sep 19, 2015 1:14 pm**

One of the more fun antag rounds I've ever had.

> Spawn as scientist
> Time to learn tox-
> TATOR
> Steal ablative vest, escape.
> No, boring. Won't be doing it.
> Make bombs, decide on a gimmick - take over the ghetto surgery in arrivals, kidnap people, shove bombs into their chests.
> Attach voice analyzer to the word "Anton", so people will explode when trying to rat me out.
> Stalk arrivals, try to look for people to kidnap.
> Find a greyshirt. Stunprod, cablecuff, remove earpiece.
> Drag him to arrival maints. Meet face to face with an armed quartermaster, Damien Vader, and a detective.
> Damien Vader is wearing an ablative vest.
> "ANTON CHEKHOV IS A TRAITOR, HE'S KIDNAPPING PEOPLE"
> Shit.
> Try to yakety sax into the maints, quartermaster turns out to be faster.
> Greyshirt escapes
> Quartermaster disables, cuffs me, drags me to captain.
> "Captain, what do I do with..."
> Captain is slipping people on space lube.
> Quartermaster drags me back to arrivals, welds me in the locker, raids ghetto surgery, grabs all my traitor stuff and begins to space it.
> Unwelds the locker, takes my PDA, shoves it into his backpack.
> Damien suddenly notices that one of the bombs he spaced did not fly very far. He brings it to my attention, and thus I notice it as well.
> I wonder just how far my voice can be heard?
> Pretty far.
> Damien is dead, I'm barely hanging on. I recover some of my gear, drag QM to my surgery.
> Reassign his gender, do a plastic surgery. Suddenly notice that I have an MMI in my syndicate dufflebag.
> Borg the poor QM and turn him into my bodyguard.
> We hang around for about ten minutes, talking about this and that, and how unlikely circumstances lead to our mutual survival and alliance.
> Assume Damien's identity, put on his armor and PDA, two Damiens head to engineering pods, boltshock the doors.
> Greentext.

Posted: **Tue Sep 22, 2015 12:51 am**

The following events may be out of order:

- I have joined as the RD! Yay!
- I grab my stuff, Xeno guy asks for upgrades, I set to getting Science up.
- While I am working, the Toxins guy comes up and offers me a bomb, he tells me it is a maxcap!
- I am weary of this, but I accept it anyway. I remove the signaller and replace it with a voice analyzer. I leave the analyzer detached for now.
- The Robotics lab is getting awful dark...
- The virologist calls on the radio, saying that he has a supervirus! I rush over to Medbay and take it without delay.
- My department gets darker and darker, until...
- "SHADOWLING SCI MAINT!" is called by the Geneticist, with Xray. thisjustgotbad.jpg
- The lights go out once again. A wild Shadowling attacks! It used Glare! It's super effective!
- I am silenced, cuffed, and dragged into maint, but the silence wears off and I start screaming like a little girl!
- Hurrah! Science and Genetics storm into the maint area and save me!
- The old AI seems to have gone offline, so I made a new one and left it in my office.
- The Captain who looks like the HoS decides to implant me, and later gives me firing pins to boot! Although, he berates me for failing to upgrade the cloner...
- I agree with him, and proceed to do as he orders. Since it is now an autocloner, I hop in for a scan, then move along.
- I grab myself the SABR SMG and take the e-gun the Cap left for me.
- Shuttle gets called, but...
- THE SHADOWLINGS HAVE USED THE ENGINE POWER TO SLOW THE SHUTTLE.
- I am attacked YET AGAIN. GLARED YET AGAIN. CUFFED YET AGAIN. The guns did NO GOOD AT ALL!!
- They start stripping me this time, but I again scream like the baby I am, and get saved! Again!
- I begin to contemplate my existence, when the worst happens. SHADOWLINGS HAVE ASCENDED! ALL IS LOST!
- This is my que. I teleport to the AI Sat with Janitor in tow, set the AI's teleporter to mining, and decide to hang out there.
- OH WAIT! I HAVE A MAXCAP BOMB ON ME! I decide that I might as well use it, so I attach the analyzer, and distance myself from the Janitor (who follows me...) so I can explode in peace.
- I tell the admins what I am about to do via adminhelp. They call me a coward and say that I should bomb the thralls.
- I gasp internally as I notice...I JUST GOT ADMIN PERMISSION TO BLOW STUFF UP!!
- I take my hand tele and port back to the Bridge, then to the shuttle, which has docked due to the ascension.
- Three ascendants and their thralls are packed on the shuttle! I board and prepare...it is now or never...
- I yell my codeword...things start lagging up....
- KABOOOOOOOM!!!
- EMERGENCY SHUTTLE DEVASTATED!
- I relax in my new ghostly state, and enjoy the waterfall of salt that flows from the thralls!
- Oh wait, what? It is all dark now....
- I am being cloned! I forgot that I backed myself up! SURVIVAL IS MINE!

While we DID lose that round to the Shadowlings, I very much enjoyed how my round played out! I never did get to thank that wonderful scientist that made me that maxcap bomb!

Posted: **Tue Sep 22, 2015 10:21 am**

InsaneHyena wrote:One of the more fun antag rounds I've ever had.
Spoiler:
> Spawn as scientist
> Time to learn tox-
> TATOR
> Steal ablative vest, escape.
> No, boring. Won't be doing it.
> Make bombs, decide on a gimmick - take over the ghetto surgery in arrivals, kidnap people, shove bombs into their chests.
> Attach voice analyzer to the word "Anton", so people will explode when trying to rat me out.
> Stalk arrivals, try to look for people to kidnap.
> Find a greyshirt. Stunprod, cablecuff, remove earpiece.
> Drag him to arrival maints. Meet face to face with an armed quartermaster, Damien Vader, and a detective.
> Damien Vader is wearing an ablative vest.
> "ANTON CHEKHOV IS A TRAITOR, HE'S KIDNAPPING PEOPLE"
> Shit.
> Try to yakety sax into the maints, quartermaster turns out to be faster.
> Greyshirt escapes
> Quartermaster disables, cuffs me, drags me to captain.
> "Captain, what do I do with..."
> Captain is slipping people on space lube.
> Quartermaster drags me back to arrivals, welds me in the locker, raids ghetto surgery, grabs all my traitor stuff and begins to space it.
> Unwelds the locker, takes my PDA, shoves it into his backpack.
> Damien suddenly notices that one of the bombs he spaced did not fly very far. He brings it to my attention, and thus I notice it as well.
> I wonder just how far my voice can be heard?
> Pretty far.
> Damien is dead, I'm barely hanging on. I recover some of my gear, drag QM to my surgery.
> Reassign his gender, do a plastic surgery. Suddenly notice that I have an MMI in my syndicate dufflebag.
> Borg the poor QM and turn him into my bodyguard.
> We hang around for about ten minutes, talking about this and that, and how unlikely circumstances lead to our mutual survival and alliance.
> Assume Damien's identity, put on his armor and PDA, two Damiens head to engineering pods, boltshock the doors.
> Greentext.

Nice! How SS13 is supposed to work, random emergent gaming.

Posted: **Tue Sep 22, 2015 4:50 pm**

Gun Hog wrote:The following events may be out of order:

- I have joined as the RD! Yay!
- I grab my stuff, Xeno guy asks for upgrades, I set to getting Science up.
- While I am working, the Toxins guy comes up and offers me a bomb, he tells me it is a maxcap!
- I am weary of this, but I accept it anyway. I remove the signaller and replace it with a voice analyzer. I leave the analyzer detached for now.
- The Robotics lab is getting awful dark...
- The virologist calls on the radio, saying that he has a supervirus! I rush over to Medbay and take it without delay.
- My department gets darker and darker, until...
- "SHADOWLING SCI MAINT!" is called by the Geneticist, with Xray. thisjustgotbad.jpg
- The lights go out once again. A wild Shadowling attacks! It used Glare! It's super effective!
- I am silenced, cuffed, and dragged into maint, but the silence wears off and I start screaming like a little girl!
- Hurrah! Science and Genetics storm into the maint area and save me!
- The old AI seems to have gone offline, so I made a new one and left it in my office.
- The Captain who looks like the HoS decides to implant me, and later gives me firing pins to boot! Although, he berates me for failing to upgrade the cloner...
- I agree with him, and proceed to do as he orders. Since it is now an autocloner, I hop in for a scan, then move along.
- I grab myself the SABR SMG and take the e-gun the Cap left for me.
- Shuttle gets called, but...
- THE SHADOWLINGS HAVE USED THE ENGINE POWER TO SLOW THE SHUTTLE.
- I am attacked YET AGAIN. GLARED YET AGAIN. CUFFED YET AGAIN. The guns did NO GOOD AT ALL!!
- They start stripping me this time, but I again scream like the baby I am, and get saved! Again!
- I begin to contemplate my existence, when the worst happens. SHADOWLINGS HAVE ASCENDED! ALL IS LOST!
- This is my que. I teleport to the AI Sat with Janitor in tow, set the AI's teleporter to mining, and decide to hang out there.
- OH WAIT! I HAVE A MAXCAP BOMB ON ME! I decide that I might as well use it, so I attach the analyzer, and distance myself from the Janitor (who follows me...) so I can explode in peace.
- I tell the admins what I am about to do via adminhelp. They call me a coward and say that I should bomb the thralls.
- I gasp internally as I notice...I JUST GOT ADMIN PERMISSION TO BLOW STUFF UP!!
- I take my hand tele and port back to the Bridge, then to the shuttle, which has docked due to the ascension.
- Three ascendants and their thralls are packed on the shuttle! I board and prepare...it is now or never...
- I yell my codeword...things start lagging up....
- KABOOOOOOOM!!!
- EMERGENCY SHUTTLE DEVASTATED!
- I relax in my new ghostly state, and enjoy the waterfall of salt that flows from the thralls!
- Oh wait, what? It is all dark now....
- I am being cloned! I forgot that I backed myself up! SURVIVAL IS MINE!

While we DID lose that round to the Shadowlings, I very much enjoyed how my round played out! I never did get to thank that wonderful scientist that made me that maxcap bomb!

i tried to make a bunch of salt shakers shaped like the word salt but it didnt work ripperoni

Posted: **Thu Sep 24, 2015 6:15 am**

>Geist Dangerous/Srifenbyxp : ATTENTION CREW. I GEIST DANGEROUS WILL BE HOLDING THE STATION HOSTAGE. IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET IN FIVE MINUTES I WILL DETONATE THESE HERE BAGS OF HOLDING. YOU HAVE FIVE MINUTES TO MEET MY DEMANDS!!

>Need me dat nuke core

>Nobody takes me serious

>Random geneticist walks onto the holodeck where I make my stand

>Sick my Stand on him for no reason

>Walk around in a red rig suit

>Vault door is unlocked

>get dat fukn core

>Conversation with my stand proceeds:

Spoiler:

Friendly reminder, phobe fucks old men for money.

Posted: **Thu Sep 24, 2015 10:57 pm**

>half an hour before work
>awww shit, son, ye be a traitor! yer objective is-
>fuck that let's just kill the captain
>attempt a honeypot
>fail because my honeypot consisted of me asking to trade a beej for a tour of the bridge over the common channel
>emag into his office
>nobody there
>clown follows me in
>ignore him, take the gun
>clown follows me out
>toss a shuriken at the clown
>clown flees with a shuriken lodged in him
>leave
>look for the captain
>kill a few other people with my shuriken and the captain's pistol
>find the captain
>get shot by the captain, wiff all my shuriken
>he runs out of lasers delivering his coup de grace
>ask him to kill me with a shuriken to stall for time
>he happily obliges
>teleport away
>teleport into gravgen
>he follows me
>switch off the gravgen
>die
>cackle madly as the captain dies with me

HEHEHEHEH

Posted: **Sat Sep 26, 2015 12:43 am**

>Bartender
>Traitor
>Oh goody what fun objectives do I have tod--
>Steal the nuke core
>GOD DAMN IT.
>I have no idea how to steal the nuke core properly
>Buy a holoparasite injector
>Choose healing
>Now I have a healing holoparasite
>Accidentally places teleportpad in backroom
>Put a can of cola on top of the pad
>FLAWLESS DISGUISE
>Build a wall on it
>Serve some drinks
>Stand places the pad correctly this time
>letsdothisshit.jpg
>Buy an agent card for the maint access
>Scan my own card and hide it
>Search maintenance
>Find a mailman hat and uniform
>disguise.jpg
>Put it on and buy a voice changer
>I am now Billy Bob, the Mailman
>Start pilfering tools from maint
>Start finding the door wires
>Get shocked
>shit
>Suddenly my holoparasite pops out and heals me up
>thanks fam
>Find the door wires I need
>Put on my disguise
>Okay, now time to steal a rads-
>The gravity generator door is open.
>That was easy
>Take the suit and head toward the vault
>Okay, now time to hack the va-
>The vault door is open.
>That was wasy
>Hack it closed and start deconning the nuke
>AI opens the airlock and starts shouting at Security
>A single officer shows up
>I'm extracting the core
>"What are you doing"
>"Oh, y'know"
>Officer walks away
>I have the core in my box
>Officer comes back
>Suddenly the entire left half of the vault is gone
>Explosions across the station
>Shuttle called, red alert makes it sanic
>Holoparasite teleports me back the bar backroom
>mvp.jpg
>Take off disguise
>Put on my normal shit
>Hack into EVA
>Take space suit
>Put it on
>No room for my shotgun
>I'll just head to surgery and saw it off
>An officer is following me around with Beepsky
>shit
>Walk the other way, officer throws a flashbang
>Easily out of its radius, sprint toward Arrivals and the hull breach
>Officer gives chase
>Pulls out his taser
>Jump behind a wall and fire my shotgun
>Officer is stunned
>Grab his taser and stun him with it
>Drag him into the hull breach and strip him completely while my holoparasite cucks him
>Beepsky still doesn't care
>Scan the officer's ID with my agent card and take his taser
>Ditch the shotgun
>Turn off Beepsky, go and recharge taser at Arrivals
>Virologist is tailing me
>Examine him
>SECURITY OFFICER
>shit
>he tases me
>i shout the words my holoparasite and me negotiated
>"MAYMAYS"
>he pops out and starts teleporting me
>virofficer freaks out and runs away
>back in bar backroom
>grab the can of cola to disguise myself
>head to security
>active singulo beacon
>shit
>Turn it off
>Hop on the security pod after checking the open armory
>Shuttle emagged
>Me and holoparasite reminisce about how lucky we got
>Literally everything that could have went right, went right
>Read Woody's Got Wood over the intercom until the shuttle docks
>G R E E N T E X T

Posted: **Sat Sep 26, 2015 4:15 am**

>Rouge AI and HoP
>Escape doors are of course bolts/shocked
>everybody is inside the pocket of space trying to break into the shuttle
>Hop out of my Mech and BoH
>Cucked nearly the entire station

Posted: **Sat Sep 26, 2015 6:58 pm**

Xhuis wrote:>An officer is following me around with Beepsky
>shit
>Walk the other way, officer throws a flashbang
>Easily out of its radius, sprint toward Arrivals and the hull breach
>Officer gives chase
>Pulls out his taser
>Jump behind a wall and fire my shotgun
>Officer is stunned
>Grab his taser and stun him with it
>Drag him into the hull breach and strip him completely while my holoparasite cucks him

I was the officer who you killed. You called me an idiot after murdering me but what else was I supposed to do but chase you? Just let the obvious traitor go on his way?

Posted: **Sat Sep 26, 2015 8:30 pm**

Erbbu wrote:
Xhuis wrote:>An officer is following me around with Beepsky
>shit
>Walk the other way, officer throws a flashbang
>Easily out of its radius, sprint toward Arrivals and the hull breach
>Officer gives chase
>Pulls out his taser
>Jump behind a wall and fire my shotgun
>Officer is stunned
>Grab his taser and stun him with it
>Drag him into the hull breach and strip him completely while my holoparasite cucks him
I was the officer who you killed. You called me an idiot after murdering me but what else was I supposed to do but chase you? Just let the obvious traitor go on his way?

The thing I would have done is set Beepsky to arrest me. In order to get near you at all, I had to go in Beepsky's LoS, where he could have chased me down.

Posted: **Sat Sep 26, 2015 11:12 pm**

Yeah I tried to do that but I couldn't hit you with a shift-click for the examine to set the arrest.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:37 am**

double dose
1.

Spoiler:

2.

Spoiler:

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:51 am**

I was the holoparasite, and I couldn't actually teleport anything to our space beacon. It needs atmos to do it, apparently. The joke I was telling just needed some setup, and would've ended up being a blonde joke.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 12:17 pm**

Xhuis wrote: >buy support holoparasite
>we try to set his bluespace pad in space but it doesn't work

I figured that'd be OP and awful and disabled that.

Glad to hear people are having fun with them though

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 2:17 pm**

Kor wrote:
Xhuis wrote: >buy support holoparasite
>we try to set his bluespace pad in space but it doesn't work
I figured that'd be OP and awful and disabled that.

Glad to hear people are having fun with them though

Is it the "space" area or the lack of atmosphere which does that?

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 4:29 pm**

Not-Dorsidarf wrote:
Kor wrote:
Xhuis wrote: >buy support holoparasite
>we try to set his bluespace pad in space but it doesn't work
I figured that'd be OP and awful and disabled that.

Glad to hear people are having fun with them though
Is it the "space" area or the lack of atmosphere which does that?

Lack of atmos. It even checks for the atmos again each warp attempt because I know you guys are tricky bastards.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 7:58 pm**

Kor wrote:
Not-Dorsidarf wrote:
Kor wrote:
Xhuis wrote: >buy support holoparasite
>we try to set his bluespace pad in space but it doesn't work
I figured that'd be OP and awful and disabled that.

Glad to hear people are having fun with them though
Is it the "space" area or the lack of atmosphere which does that?
Lack of atmos. It even checks for the atmos again each warp attempt because I know you guys are tricky bastards.

We were actually going to set it in an active turbine but we couldn't get the access.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:01 pm**

Xhuis wrote:
Kor wrote:
Not-Dorsidarf wrote:
Kor wrote:
Xhuis wrote: >buy support holoparasite
>we try to set his bluespace pad in space but it doesn't work
I figured that'd be OP and awful and disabled that.

Glad to hear people are having fun with them though
Is it the "space" area or the lack of atmosphere which does that?
Lack of atmos. It even checks for the atmos again each warp attempt because I know you guys are tricky bastards.
We were actually going to set it in an active turbine but we couldn't get the access.

Can't do it in areas on fire either, sorry.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:27 pm**

I wonder if you can send holosprites thru disposals
cuz if so you could port people into the atmos gas tanks

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 8:48 pm**

Well, you could make a room somewhere isolated in space with atmos. Anyone not space worthy would die trying to break out and someone that has a space suit would kill everyone else inside by leaving.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 10:40 pm**

I think you've earned it at that point. Death traps and hostages are things I was hoping to see from this.

Would be possible to check for station areas only if it becomes frequently abused/unfun though.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 11:46 pm**

Yeah I was brainstorming of us making this little room in maint full of N20 and Co2 so people would fall asleep and suffocate when teleporter in there.

Posted: **Mon Sep 28, 2015 11:53 pm**

>round happens
>kill some rune-makin' troublemaker in the chapel with a pneumatic cannon full of screwdrivers and his own stupid rod
>that rod's like a wmd yo
>space the corpse
>return to escape
>it's blowing the fuck up
>the culprit runs up with another, bigger bomb
>it's an atmos tech in a hardsuit
>miner nearby in his rigsuit
>ask a fellow to set aside his materialism to let me fight this man in space with protection from space
>he obliges and i fight the assailant in space with his rigsuit, eventually emerging victorious
>just kidding he just fucks around
>jump into space and begin flailing at the bomber, trying to prevent another detonation
>kick his canister into space but take a few hits from the fireaxe
>try to chuck him into space where he won't be as much of a problem
>fail
>escape shuttle arrives
>we splat on the windshield like bugs
>grab my towel and run into the bathroom before i blow my redtexting load all over my desk

/tg/Station 13

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