/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

Smashing the window is faster.

TheNightingale wrote:If only there was a way to get into a department without breaking in.
Like asking the AI.
Or someone who works there.
Or getting access.
Or finding another way to get the chemicals (from science, for example).

All very good solutions instead of SMASH IN THE WINDOW, TWO SHARDS AND A METAL ROD, GREYTIDE SERVED

literally any of these except maybe asking science is both slow and will result in the chemist going REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE and spraying you with his meme chemicals

which reminds me i have a story for this thread
>find strange object in maint
>bust into EXPERIMENTOR and turn it into a teleporter thingy
>warp around for a while
>blink into chemistry
>chemist WORDLESSLY AND WITHOUT HESITATION walks up and sprays me with phlog
>ignite instantly
>warp out before death and get healed up
>ask him what his problem is
>after standing still for 20~ seconds he responds "you were in here"
>"yes i was but why did you spray me with death chemicals"
>he wordlessly turns away like a fucking robot and ignores me
what the fuck

PKPenguin321 wrote:-

Fuckin' zombies, man. I'm not sure whether it's better or worse that they don't even consider whether or not they'd be banned for marching straight up to the nearest person and initiating round removal procedure without a word, but I'm going for the latter. Validhunters can go die IRL.

>Be assistant
>want to actually try this round
>get toolbelt, tools, spear, flashlight, military jacket, construction helmet
>get coin from maint, sunglasses, fake insuls to hide hand prints, gas mask, and a station bounced radio
>ask CE to get let into engineering so I can buy insulated gloves out of the machine
>"k"
>walk in, buy my gloves, walk 5 feet out of sight of the CE, get stunprodded and beat to death by like 4 unknown engineers/atmos techs
>they space my body, completely silent the entire time outside of the CE's screaming
>they cuff and space the CE without his suit
>tfw none of them were antags

God I hate engineers. Chemists too, fuck those guys, I asked for space lube once, and the chemists were asking for money. Yes. Money. The thing that nobody has any IC use for, and is so rare and space consuming that it's pointless to collect it. The chemists said 10 credits for 50u. They got murdered. Fast. It was probably the most satisfying thing I've ever seen, medbay doctors, sec, and assistants were busting in to murderize them. A few get acided or memed on with various chems (no security) and the chemists get mobbed, killed, their IDs stolen, then cloned as a ghetto demotion. I can't even tell you how many times engineers have tried to kill me after I get let into engineering. However, engineering doesn't even come close to the hostility of medbay. For those medbay cucks who are more hostile than sec during rev, I bolt those fucking doors open, cut Ai wire, and cut a bunch of useless wires, if they don't want anyone in, EVERYONE is coming in.

Since I didn't want it to be buried in the last reply, if assistants ask to be let into engineering for gloves, consider letting them. They may actually end up assisting you or the station later on if you're not a total shit to them.

Zilenan91 wrote:...I asked for space lube once...

In all fairness, lube is incredibly dangerous and they were right to deny you it.

A murderboner with a bottle full of lube, an esword, and a projector is one of the most dangerous things you'll ever see in the game. Spray a hall, projector, and pop out as people fall. The kill count will stack until someone figures you out and avoids it, but that's when you fuck off and terrorize somewhere else. The scare factor is huge.

I was a clown named Pjur (an anal lube brand). I wanted to lube the halls as a joke.

>Be assistant
>get let into engineering, get gloves
>immediately get stunprodded and arrested by engineer for glove theft
>get brought back to the brig
>keep telling the officers that the gloves were mine and I used my own coin
>brigged 5 minutes for theft and assault, engineers take gloves, call me a faggot

Today
>be assistant
>steal gloves from miku in prime tool storage
>run around a bit, get arrested a few minutes later
>Metafriend "Write him down for 2 minutes for assault, and 2 for theft"
>they take my toolbelt and gloves, gloves go back to Miku
>immediately ghost out because fuck dealing with hydro for another belt and fuck dealing with cargo/engineering for more gloves
>tfw the only goodsec that ever happens is when you actually did something wrong

Very rarely has Sec arrested me when I've actually done the crime, but when they do I usually find myself more pleased than salty.

There's a sort of backwards pleasure that comes from knowing that the mouth-breather security force actually got the right guy for once.

>rev
>about to kill captain
>some chucklefuck gets trigger-happy and lasers a weldertank
>i go into crit and die from breach
>captain alive



also
>survivor
>entire station in flames
>in firesuit chanting 'i don't want to set the world on fire'
>die
>revived by mvp doctor
>singing on the shuttle
>lasered by the hos
>shoot back
>shot to death
>lose greentext

Zilenan91 wrote:>Be assistant
>get let into engineering, get gloves
>immediately get stunprodded and arrested by engineer for glove theft
>get brought back to the brig
>keep telling the officers that the gloves were mine and I used my own coin
>brigged 5 minutes for theft and assault, engineers take gloves, call me a faggot

Today
>be assistant
>steal gloves from miku in prime tool storage
>run around a bit, get arrested a few minutes later
>Metafriend "Write him down for 2 minutes for assault, and 2 for theft"
>they take my toolbelt and gloves, gloves go back to Miku
>immediately ghost out because fuck dealing with hydro for another belt and fuck dealing with cargo/engineering for more gloves
>tfw the only goodsec that ever happens is when you actually did something wrong

Yeah, you tend to steal gloves from a lot of people. I told security instead of just beating you with a toolbox, so that's why they arrested you.

> Spawn as a miner. Time to whine for a Ripl...
> Nope, traitor.
> Ask for a telecrystal trade for something fun.
> Transform into a juggernaut.
> Never played him before, he feels painfully slow.
> Decide to space the armory first.
> Can't break reinforced walls.
> Okay, let's do it the slow way.
> Mekhi finds me dragging a gun in a hull breach, tries to shoot me with a laser gun.
> Drop him before he does significant damage.
> Secborg pulls the officer out of the armory, try to chase him, but give up in a few seconds.
> Head to the maints, leave them in the bridge area.
> See HoP. Try to kill him, but humans are too fucking fast. He runs away.
> Meet Mekhi again, fully healed, this time he easily outrobusts me.
> Die.
> Engineers repair every hull breach I've made.

In the hindsight, I really should have tried messing with engineering or atmos - I would do much more damage this way.

>Be botanist
>Growing stuff, the usual
>Some guy asks to be poded
>We do it
>Fellow botanist wants to be poded next
>Other guy starts attacking the botanist, and I attack him back in defense of my botanist brother
>Botanist had given him permission to kill him
>Oh okay
>He finishes killing the botanist and we're both waiting for the pod to finish growing
>HoS stumbles in
>"WHY IS THERE A DEAD BOTANIST!?"
>We both tell him that he's being podded, and to get the fuck out of our department
>He calls the captain to help him and arrests both of us
>I get thrown in the brig despite both of our yelling that we were innocent
>Ghost out of frustration of the shit round
>Cult is found
>Shuttle is called by the HoP at 23 minutes in
>Fuck fun rounds right guys gotta get that easy win
>Captain Oldman gets fucked and blames the HoS like a little bitch
>Shuttle arrives and the HoP and HoS immediately launch it
>Fuck fun rounds right guys gotta get that easy win
>The like four people on the shuttle lynch the HoP and HoS because they thought they were cult
>Nah just autists
>Round ends with the cult shorthanded out of a likely win

>Be literal next round
>Clown, traitor
>Steal some plasma and escape
>Oh boy I can have some fun with this
>Make up for that shit round last time, aw ye
>Get janitor and botany access from HoP, life is good
>Borg wants to talk to me
>Expect him to murder me
>Actually wants to be my bro this round
>Well alright that sound good to me
>Go back to theatre to order a crate
>DOOR OPENS
>HOLY SHIT LIKE THREE PEOPLE OUTSIDE RIGHT AFTER I ORDER THE CRATE
>STUFF EVERYTHING IN MY BAG AS FAST AS I CAN
>THEY SAW BAIL BAIL BAIL
>Somehow manage to escape
>Look at my stuff
>All bad for a slip-inclined clown
>Decide to donate most of it to R&D
>Ask for the plasma container in exchange
>They're game
>Walk down the hall feeling good about things
>Meet back up with the borg too
>Slip a few people
>SUDDENLY BEEPSKY JUMPS ME
>Like three guards and the borg follow me back to security
>They loot me and find what I hadn't donated to R&D
>Plead that I hadn't done anything and that possession isn't a crime
>WE WON'T BE HEARING ANY OF YOUR BLASPHEMY, TRAITOR
>Get thrown in perma
>Borg has betrayed me
>Nobody's going to get me out
>Ghost out of frustration

Today is bad day for me.

>be an assistant fucking around with a janicart, make a train but it's short lived because the CMO lubes us
>suddenly converted to a gang
>clown and this doctor are gang leaders
>follow them into maint asking for a can and a promotion
>they're walking around with switchblades very clearly visible and spraying things in the most obvious way possible
>keep begging them for lieut because I know they will inevitably die and if I'm a lieut I can still carry the remaining gang
>"hold on i need 50 and we only have 40"
>uh aren't promotions only 10
>oldman robustin walks by us, we're outside the turbine in plain view
>gang boss buys a dominator
>GANG BOSS BUYS A DOMINATOR
>instantly called out over radio
>flee the scene
>very minimal combat in which our gang gets raped
>both gang bosses arrested
>get spray can with water and a switchblade that was left behind
>hack into brig, kill the warden
>in the brig
>stun like 3 officers and dodge all of the 4th one's taser shots
>not a single sec officer has been taken out by any gang except for the warden which i did myself
>a fifth officer walks in and stuns me
>get beaten to death
>cry myself to sleep
>adminhelp asking if incompetency of that level is bannable (at least in team antag modes)
>admin says no
>only_the_dead_can_know_peace_from_this_evil.jpg

>Clown named Phoebe Lotsu, time to meme on this round
>NOPE OUTMEMED BY MIME, YOU ARE NOW ZERO-G GANGSTER
>Our gang somehow takes over 50% of the station
>Dominator in cargo, security is ours, it's basically ogre
>100 ticks left
>Go to the captain's office and get the medal box
>Give the first medal, the medal of valor, to the mime
>Now...
>Clown Phoebe: PHOEBE WHERE ARE YOU
>Real Phoebe: I'm on the bridge~
>I pin the bronze heart medal on Phoebe's barren chest
>We hug each other
>20 ticks left
>Real Phoebe: Phoebe...
>15 ticks left
>Real Phoebe: I-I need to tell you something...
>10 ticks left
>Clown Phoebe: Yes?
>Central Command Announcement:
The station's destruction has been averted. There is still however an immediate serious threat to the station. Security may have weapons unholstered at all times, random searches are allowed and advised.
>Both Phoebes in unison: WHAT
>A revenant JUST HAPPENED to spawn and broke the shit out of the dominator
>Cockblocked by a revenant

> be traitor AI
> Don't let botanist leave alive, stay alive until round end.
> start out quiet, doing some minor amusing things.
> obey every single door request no matter what, even if it's obviously going to cause human harm.
> Things go pretty smooth for a while
> start speaking on the traitor channel
> Engie and HOP are both traitors
> All three objectives are compatible.
> Engie-bros was escape with no loyalists on the shuttle
> HOP's was kill someone, don't remember his specifically.
> start helping each-other with our goals
> shut comms down and kill the cap in upload with lethal turrets.
> HOP grateful and takes command as new captain.
> Suddenly start hearing, "HOP is a filthy tator, AI killed cap, an engineer is rogue"
> wtf.jpg
> hear over syndicate radio, "The Owl: I guess you could say... i'm a traitor to traitors"
> Mother fucker had syndicate uplink and ratted us all out.
> The Owl is constantly off cameras, can't be tracked.
> HOP gets lynched.
> Engie-bro is still alive, dodging valid hunters
> Motion alarm at Satellite
> IT'S THE FUCKING OWL
> Has an RCD
> Moving around back to mini-sat storage
> RCD's the walls away
> RCDS new walls to create a tunnel to my core so he can avoid the laser turrets.
> FUCKFUCKFUCKFUCKFUCK
> Fucking cunt nigger beats me to death with a wrench.
> Engie-bro dies before he can get on the shuttle.
> holy shit fuck this owl guy.
> round ends
> His name is not on the antag list anywhere.

Literally his name was not on the antag list at the end of the round. Only one antag actually complete their objective, which was steal the core from the nuke in the vault (which i let them into). This Owl faggot had to be doing some serious metagaming or something, that shit shouldn't fly.

Owl, greatest hero of the station

Some admin must have made someone a vigilante. But yeah I'd have been buttblasted if something like that happened to me.

Cuboos wrote:hoot

Sounds like a validhunter who just happened to get a Syndicate encryption key.

Cuboos wrote:
Literally his name was not on the antag list at the end of the round. Only one antag actually complete their objective, which was steal the core from the nuke in the vault (which i let them into). This Owl faggot had to be doing some serious metagaming or something, that shit shouldn't fly.

He was on the antag list, though. He likely was an antag that prayed to become the Owl while spending some TC for it as he also had the Owl Hardsuit. Ended up getting his objectives changed too. Something like be the hero the station deserves or something.

TehPear wrote:

Cuboos wrote:
Literally his name was not on the antag list at the end of the round. Only one antag actually complete their objective, which was steal the core from the nuke in the vault (which i let them into). This Owl faggot had to be doing some serious metagaming or something, that shit shouldn't fly.

He was on the antag list, though. He likely was an antag that prayed to become the Owl while spending some TC for it as he also had the Owl Hardsuit. Ended up getting his objectives changed too. Something like be the hero the station deserves or something.

I really hope that doesn't happen again, because holy shit, that was a load a fucking bull shit. He had a way too unfair advantage over us fuck is fucking RCD. If they made it to the point where you might as well just quit because you can't do shit about it, then you've ruined the game, you've killed multiple peoples fun for the sake of one single individual's fun. I don't even see how that would be fun for them, it's like using cheats while playing on easy mode... Woo hoo... you won, you got the victory with zero effort.

Relax. It's just a game.

>play ss13
>enjoy it
>play it a ton
>figure out that the best way to play is treating every situation like a formula and handling it step by specific predetermined step
>repeat routine so much that it is no longer fun
>play in a manner that allows for loss
>get too frustrated seeing people stroke their dicks over winning against a person who is specifically trying not to minmax their way to victory
>play it so much that it is no longer fun

a story of regret if anything

take a break
come back and bask in the new stuff
mute ooc a bunch

that's my formula

Scones wrote:>play ss13
>enjoy it
>play it a ton
>figure out that the best way to play is treating every situation like a formula and handling it step by specific predetermined step
>repeat routine so much that it is no longer fun
>play in a manner that allows for loss
>get too frustrated seeing people stroke their dicks over winning against a person who is specifically trying not to minmax their way to victory
>play it so much that it is no longer fun

a story of regret if anything

>not playing to win and getting mad when you lose

>be cult bartender
>snag holy water and null rod and space it
>almost instantly we were confirmed
>however our base hasen't been found
>OK
>lure someone to the base
>stun him and throw him on the rune
>3 seconds after convention he screams "CULT IN VACANT OFFICE"
>Try to fight off a cop and me and the squealer go to perna
>our cult was planning to lynch him for his actions
>me and him slash at each other with the hoes in perma
>bleed out
>squealer gets healed and is a free man

Oscar was his name. All I am is

FredNodoor wrote:snip

You probably should have adminhelped that.

PKPenguin321 wrote:

Scones wrote:>play ss13
>enjoy it
>play it a ton
>figure out that the best way to play is treating every situation like a formula and handling it step by specific predetermined step
>repeat routine so much that it is no longer fun
>play in a manner that allows for loss
>get too frustrated seeing people stroke their dicks over winning against a person who is specifically trying not to minmax their way to victory
>play it so much that it is no longer fun

a story of regret if anything

>not playing to win and getting mad when you lose

I think it's more the "lol you lose" gloating that shitters always come out with after they win at a roleplaying game

Xhuis wrote:

FredNodoor wrote:snip

You probably should have adminhelped that.

He absolutely should, that's worth a serious ban.

Screemonster wrote:

PKPenguin321 wrote:

Scones wrote:>play ss13
>enjoy it
>play it a ton
>figure out that the best way to play is treating every situation like a formula and handling it step by specific predetermined step
>repeat routine so much that it is no longer fun
>play in a manner that allows for loss
>get too frustrated seeing people stroke their dicks over winning against a person who is specifically trying not to minmax their way to victory
>play it so much that it is no longer fun

a story of regret if anything

>not playing to win and getting mad when you lose

I think it's more the "lol you lose" gloating that shitters always come out with after they win at a roleplaying game

Screenmaster is correct. It's not the losing thing that's annoying, it's the people who misinterpret "I'm not trying to win as hard as humanly possible" for "I don't know how to ss13".

>Be cyborg.
>The last 20 or so cyborg rounds, I've gone mining in the hope that I could get the VTEC, diamond drill and bluespace satchel modules
>There has never, ever, ever, ever, ever, EVER, EVER, EVER, E-V-E-R been the right sort of circumstances for the modules to be available in these rounds. If science works, robotics doesn't, and visa versa.
>Go engineering cyborg.
>Nothing to do for a while.
>Go to science on the offchance
>Of course, it's the one cyborg round where those fucking modules are available.
>Fuck it
>Get a module reset, plus upgrades
>SANIC SPEED all the way through the mines, gathering all sorts along the way
>Come home to find chaos and blood everywhere
>See captain dragging the chef into maintenance, and follow
>Catch him with his trousers down, sucking the juices out
>CONFIRMED HARMFUL NONHUMAN, TIME TO ROBUST
>He's got three different types of lasers and an EMP shriek
>Wear him down, but have to retreat for repairs.
>Nobody in robotics.
>Nobody in science.
>Only people I find are on the bridge, and they tell me to kill the golems... without any weapons, because I'M NEARLY BROKEN YOU GIGANTIC IDIOTS
>Stare at me blankly when I tell them this in normal words, then small words
>Then they just fuck off.
>Fine. Someone else.
>Run around station, begging people, literally begging them to weld me with the plentiful welders available - eventually I'm dragging them after me, so there's no excuse
>They end up running away, or just blanking me, or going braindead
>Next person I find, I actually spawn a welder and welding helmet (from the autolathe) for them.
>They pick up the welder, weld me once...
>...and then commit suicide.
>This assistant committed suicide rather than weld me.
>The captain returns as I'm desperately trying convince someone else to do something, anything. To even acknowledge that I exist.
>He lasers dead the two people standing there, despite my efforts.
>I now have to kill the changeling captain with no weapons.
>Fine.
>Grab a welding tank, drag it around, trying to taunt him into blowing himself up.
>He does so, burning on the ground.
>NOW'S MY CHANCE
>I run, grab him, run out of the breach he just m-
>Airlock closes. From where I'm standing, it closes after I'm through it, but it still stops me.
>Captain is up, and with enough lasers to finish me off.
>See swarmers taking over the station. Feel empty.

I must've encountered at the very least ten people who refused, who absolutely refused, to weld the poor, begging cyborg, the cyborg who was trying to help them, the cyborg that was doing everything short of putting the welding tool into their hands.

I can't even begin to imagine what runs through those peoples' heads. Those real people, who must really be sitting at their keyboards during these games.

That remind of reminds me of this one time I encountered a engie borg running around in circles in the mech bay. He wouldn't say anything when I approached him. He would look at me, then at the recharging station, then back at me. I eventually took a guess and close the recharger down on him. He immediately expressed his gratitude. Apparently, he was so low on batteries that he couldn't speak nor place himself in the charger, and was trying to get someone to help him for like 20 minutes. I really felt bad to that guy.

AnonymousNow wrote:snip

to be fair, the amount of repairs required to fix a cyborg with that little health would cause anybody without welding gear to go blind, and it sounds like the only one that had welding gear (the assistant) was about to suicide anyways
not to mention that i'm pretty sure you had burns (because you were shot with lasers) which are fixed by opening your panel and applying wire, not welding.

PKPenguin321 wrote:

AnonymousNow wrote:snip

to be fair, the amount of repairs required to fix a cyborg with that little health would cause anybody without welding gear to go blind, and it sounds like the only one that had welding gear (the assistant) was about to suicide anyways
not to mention that i'm pretty sure you had burns (because you were shot with lasers) which are fixed by opening your panel and applying wire, not welding.

Vast majority of them were in or around science and cargo bay, with welding helmets and goggles kinda sitting around. Those who weren't were wearing reinforced helmets which already protect against welding.

I didn't need wire replacements. I'd taken too many physical armblade hits, and yet if I'd managed to get a little more health back I could've at least used something - anything.

> Janitor
> Start typing "suicide"
> Nope, changeling
> I've thought I've turned it off in my preferences? I'm unrobust scrub, I can't play changelings.
> Objectives - steal unused slime extract, steal 8 genomes, assume identity of a miner, kill an atmos technician.
> Go to HoP's line to become a miner
> Some dick throws a bomb at HoP's line. Die.
> Can't blow my cover by regenerating yet.
> Someone takes me to genetics and shoves me into the cloning pod.
> Cloning pod explodes.
> Because both explosions were caused by syndicate minibombs, I am not gibbed. Again.
> Regenerate.
> Break into genetics proper, take some mannitol.
> Test lesser form. Lose all of my clothes, my PDA and my ID. Nice.
> Nothing to lose - ventcrawl into captain's office.
> Captain sees a naked janitor in her quarters, whips out her weapons.
> Adrenalin sacs, sword arm, robust 2015.
> Get confused over how to actually put captain's clothes on me. Adminhelp, drop fleshy disguise, drag captain's corpse to toilet and redress.
> Drop into crit for some reason.
> Regenerate.
> Transform captain's body into my former appearance, drag her to the chapel and burn.
> Think about going to the asteroid to find the miner. Have horrible flashbacks about mining. Decide against it.
> Decide to upload Antimov into AI, because why the fuck not.
> AI bolts the upload the moment I turn off the turrets, then declares that I attempted to go into upload.
> Crew says that I have right to change AI's laws. AI disagrees.
> Welp, so much for Antimov. Go into my new office.
> AI bolts me inside captain's quarters, because me changing it's laws might cause human harm. The fuck?
> HoP saves my ass by welding through the wall.
> Check the tech storage. Of course the AI upload board is gone.
> Go to the sat, deconstruct the walls, kill AI, because that's what I do, when people are being dicks to me.
> Think about going to the asteroid to find the miner. Have horrible flashbacks about mining. Decide against it.
> Mute, stun, cuff, drag, absorb a guy to rearrange my points.
> Kill a slime, process him, take the extract.
> A crazy syndie with an esword is murderboning in the halls. He kills me as well.
> Start regenerating.
> Decide to finally rearrange my DNA points.
> Lose the ability to regenerate, because changeling code is wonderful.
> Adminhelp
> A lawyer loots me, than drags me to cloning.
> Get cloned again. Eat some mannitol.
> A hacker PDAs me that he will release Singulo, unless I will do what he says. Don't give a fuck, I'm not a real captain.
> Hacker stole every single communication console, starts doing captain's announcements. Still don't give a fuck.
> Think about going to the asteroid to find the miner. Have horrible flashbacks about mining. Decide against it.
> Absorb a few more guys, while I'm at it.
> The hacker decides to start giving away all-access IDs. Still don't give a fuck.
> A new changeling appears, he needs captain's identity and ID. How lucky for him.
> Changeling needs to kill the librarian, he wants to release Singulo to do it.
> What.
> Finally head to the mining station. Hope that the miner was using GPS device. Who am I kidding, nobody ever uses them.
> Security tells me that they suspect some miner target of being a hacker.
> Tell them to track my target.
> Her suit sensors are off.
> Start actually giving a fuck about the sodomy that's happening on the station, because now I need hacker's head. Or rather face. And ID.
> Find the miner in custodial. About to whip out a gun, when suddenly an assistant decides that it's the best time to talk to me.
> The miner runs to the maints.
> Brush the assistant off, follow the miner to the maints.
> Can't find her.
> Fuck.
> Lawyer that looted my body is killed by security for trying to loot armory as well. Sweet karma, but I still want the fucking miner.
> The shuttle is here.
> Check the shuttle. She's not there.
> Check the pods. She's not there either.
> Run towards engineering pods.
> Shuttle departs before I reach them.
> Miner was a traitor and a hacker all along, she got the greentext.
> Stealing her identity was the only thing that I didn't do.
> Fuck.

Xhuis wrote:

FredNodoor wrote:snip

You probably should have adminhelped that.

The sad part is that i did, i got a "Well i dont know" and nothing happened.

Its too late to put a report in since i already forgot the HoS's name.

Oh well

FredNodoor wrote:

Xhuis wrote:

FredNodoor wrote:snip

You probably should have adminhelped that.

The sad part is that i did, i got a "Well i dont know" and nothing happened.

Its too late to put a report in since i already forgot the HoS's name.

Oh well

If you leave a timestamped steak outside NikNakFlak's lair, they might logdive for you.

>Join as HoP
>Lots of stuff happens
>Finally find the guy who's been sending abusive messages from a dead traitor's PDA
>Snatch it back off him
>WEEWOOWEEWOO CYBORGS AHOY
>Cyborgs drag me down to the incinerator
>"Wait what? Stop! Law 1! LAW 1!"
>Turns out the captain (James Anderson, non-antagonist) added a law 4 which defines anyone who has committed any sort of crime as non-human, and that they should be burned to death.
>Apparently stripping the guy of the PDA he stole counts as a crime. AI even tries to rationalise it in a way which'll get me burned, despite all the evidence as to the real nature of the situation.
>Narrowly escape and fix the AI, but Jesus fucking Christ.

>spawn in as captain
>just kidding spawn as sub-captain
>tell security with the exception of the lawyer and detective (who are merely security's emotional punching bags) to report in
>nobody reports in, natch
>someone gives me lip
>give the mime a gun and orders to piss off the officer with it
>tell him not to endanger the idiot
>stuff happens
>come to the brig to see the chief engineer getting brigged for some reason
>with literally all of his shit
>he is fucking ESCAPING WITH A FUCKING TOOLBELT AND HIS FUCKING GLO- ARE YOU FUCKING SHITTING ME HOLY FUCK WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS
>eyes slowly widen in horror as every cell occupied has a completely untouched prisoner breaking out
>try to control the situation like an idiot; bark at security
>business as usual
>let the chief engineer go because he was arrested imp-
>he jacks my gun
>fucking shit
>i no longer have a gun; i gave my energy gun to rance ransu after implanting him thinking he would be totally harmless
>chase him with a baton for predictable results
>borg eventually catches him
>take him to perma
>"SAVE ME CULT"
>contemplate, nearly go through with execution
>wind up permabrig-
>dreamseaker freezes while i'm uncuffing him
>are you fucking SERIOUS
>WE ALL KNOW HOW THIS IS GOING TO END
>THANKS A FUCKING TON DREAMSEEKER, YOU PIECE OF SHIT
>get dragged into the next cell, handcuffed
>the officer inside is, of course, useless and fails to react in any way before getting stunned
>sigh
>deus ex machina; borg comes in and fucks up the convicts
>walk to my office, my heart weighing with shame
>commotion outside
>mime was given security access; moves in on his mark
>his mark goes completely bonkers and shoots everyone
>finally get his mark tased after a big ol' friendly fire hootenanny
>jayden "idiot" rich running all over sec lounge with the crazy warden intact
>try to get jayden to stop fucking running off with him so i can demote him properly
>fuck it
>space the shit warden
>ahelp him in hopes he never spawns with a gun again
>reports of a malfunctioning ai
>what fresh hell is this
>get zapped by an airlock, i am now half dead
>jayden "supreme dumbfuck" rich picks up my ion and begins firing wildly with it, killing my electronics
>tell him to stop
>he doesn't
>me and miku both shoot him to death
>get hardsuits; we will kill the ai from space
>miku makes it through disposals
>i'm moving stupid fucking slow since i'm half dead and get sucked back into disposals
>get attacked by some naked jerk
>have to explain that to the admins too
>"i'll stop shooting crewmen to death when they stop shooting/stabbing me"
>get to ai sat
>ai has jaunted
>whack-a-mole for the next fifteen minutes
>miku finds the apc but gets beset by borgs
>slimes save her but she doesn't have any tools
>kill the ai
>get glomped by a slime
>fuck you
>shoot it
>split it in two
>die trying to throw it out the airlock

Stories like this are why you're still not banned, Pax.

We love you 5ever

>Be a long while ago
>Wiznerd
>Reflect on what shenanigans I want to do as wiznerd
>Conclude that I'm a shit wizard and don't want to get fucked and cry over losing as such a rare antagonist
>Decide that I'd have more fun trading for a different antag that I'm better at
>Ring up adminbus
>Ask to trade for blob
>HBL is there
>HBL is a bro and agrees
>Goes to blob me but fucks up and somehow explodes near where I wanted to get blobbed
>HBL are you drunk
>Blobs me below virology in maint, my location of choice
>Color of blob is purple, the shittiest color but I'm a very robust blob so life goes on
>He says I get another wish
>Have no idea what else to ask for
>Pick shadowlings for no particular reason besides shadowlings are cool I guess
>Blob it up
>Crew finds me after I've had time to get my bearings
>We push back and forth for a long while
>The spot that HBL blew up, right in maint between xenobio and virology has proven to be very annoying
>Security keeps standing up there and shooting lasers across space at me before recharging and doing it again
>What intelligent douches
>I know just how to deal with them
>Crew is focusing hard on my western front
>They pushed past my node and are getting dangerously close to my core
>Fight them back for a while until I collect myself and start blobbing east into xenobio
>Blob up into xenobio
>Crew are all over my core
>Security has been shooting at my exposed core from the north for a long while
>The rest of the crew have finally chewed through all the western section I had and are there too
>What they had wouldn't be enough to kill me, I'll just move core into xeno and everything will be golden
>CE sets up an emitter down south of me in space without me paying attention
>NEARLY FUCKING DIE AS A RESULT
>Barely manage to move my core into xenobio in time
>Breathe a sigh of relief
>Recuperate
>Crew either don't notice or don't care that my core moved
>Ha
>Security and them are all desperately trying to kill a mere node
>Blob west inside xenobio and look through the main airlock
>As expected, they have the recharging stations right there
>FOOLS!
>Burst through the maint door and destroy the stations and a shitload of guns while I'm at it
>The guards all see it and try shooting me back
>CLICK CLICK CLICK CLICK
>AHAHA YOU FOOLS YOU'VE WASTED YOUR POWER ON A FEEBLE VENTURE!!
>They fucking bolt it out of there
>The crew down west have lost a lot of steam too
>The CE, however, has moved the laser and is being a massive pain
>Beat him back once, but he rebuilds quickly
>What a fucker
>Decide it's time to split
>Split
>Get lucky and the guy I get paired with knows what he's doing
>Ayyy
>He starts dealing with the CE, I handle spreading
>We're homefree now baby
>REEEEEEEEE
>Oh no
>NOT NOW
>The fucking shadowlings have ascended
>I totally forgot about those cucks
>B-but I'll be fine though, they'll rampage but their powers are useless against me!
>AHAHAHAHA!
>One of them teleports on top of my brother's core
>SLASH SLASH SLASH SLASH
>He dies
>No
>Not like this
>NOT LIKE THIS
>NO
>NO!!
>AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!
>HAVE MY GLORIOUS GREENTEXT TAKEN FROM ME
>THE SHUTTLE ARRIVES AFTER OUR DEATHS
>THE ASCENDANTS BOARD IT AND LEAVE WITH THE OTHERS
>FURIOUSLY ADMINHELP THAT THEY DESERVE PUNISHMENT FOR WHAT THEY'VE DONE
>NO RESPONSE
>MFW I'M DENIED MY RIGHTEOUS FURY

http://i.4cdn.org/vg/1442739312780.gif

IcePacks wrote: >miku finds the apc but gets beset by borgs
>slimes save her but she doesn't have any tools
>kill the ai
>get glomped by a slime
>fuck you
>shoot it
>split it in two
>die trying to throw it out the airlock

I actually did have the tools and I took the APC apart, killing the AI. The borgs did attack, but with the help of the slimes pushing them away, I was able to kill one and scare the other one off. If anything, I don't remember you dying before we left on the shuttle, last time I saw you, you cut a electric wire and got shocked by it.(GLORF!)

Not-Dorsidarf wrote:Stories like this are why you're still not banned, Pax.

We love you 5ever

if anyone on /tg/station could handle a tenth of what i give and what i take i wouldn't be in any danger of a banning

they can't though, c'est la vie

>be science cult
>rest of the cult seem to be varying levels of retarded, but whatever
>do R&D as normal, while trying to co-ordinate the other cultists
>cannot get 2 other cultists into science to convert the science staff, whatevs
>ask cargo for shoguns and pins, as per normal

>most of the cult gets dunked due to being dumb fucks
>save one cultist twice with summon runes, he still gets himself cucked
>QM comes up to the R&D desk with a shotgun
>immediately unloads into my face with lethals when I open the windoor
>screams loudly that I'm cultist scum
>literally his only "proof" is that 1 other scientist that was caught 20 minutes ago was a cultist, and that I asked for firing pins
>captain isn't a chucklefuck, actually searches me instead of lynching for on circumstancial evidence
>smoothly hide my tome and stun paper in a toolbox under me while handing over my bag
>forget the starter paper that was in my box
>QM whips out his raging validboner and turkeyslaps me to death with it
>QM gets permabanned next round for deliberately crashing the server 30 seconds in

And all is well.

lumipharon wrote:>QM gets permabanned next round for deliberately crashing the server 30 seconds in

this is when an average story turned into a good story, I had to repress laughing out loud because I'm in a silent study area

>chaplain
>traitor
>no security
>awwright i'm gonna shoot my target in the face
>shoot my target in his face
>THREE SCIENTISTS APPEAR OUT OF NOWHERE
>ONE OF THEM IS A FUCKING HULK
>THEY ROCK MY SHIT

>Long time ago
>Latejoin as security
>Arrivals hallway is beat to shit
>Ask what's going on, hear "METEORS" over comms before my screen freezes up for a moment
>Wind up in a weird position all the way down the hallway

A meteor flew in through a hole in the hull and hit me so hard that I ricocheted off the walls at least three times and died instantly

> CLOWN
> Ask HoP for all access
> "Ha-ha, no"
> Decide to go on a crusade for banaium.
> Hack EVA, grab a suit, hack teleporter, go inside.
> HoP sees me hacking teleporter. "SECURITY TO TELEPORTER, CLOWN ROGUE"
> Fuck you, HoP
> Disarm him, take his telebaton, drop him to the floor, maybe he will now allow me to teleport in peace.
> Lolno, he stands up, take his baton back, drops me.
> Security officer Rylie runs in
> While HoP explains what did I do wrong, I notice that I'm not cuffed yet.
> Fuck those guys, I run into the portal, HoP and Rylie follow.
> Abandoned satelite
> I'm the only one in the space suit.
> HoP dies, Rylie stuns me, takes my suit, puts it on
> I suffocate
> Rylie rebuilds the teleporter, sends us back to the station.
> Rylie suicides, because she has become a monster
> CMO defibs me, a good doctor loots ID card from jackass HoP and gives it to me.
> Give myself all access, return to the teleporter and proceed to find bananium as planned.
> Return to the station, captain sends Venom Snake after me, because I've used the White Ship for my nefarious purposes.
> Whatever, smelt bananium, go to robotics, build me a H.O.N.K.
> Clown shoes aren't working.
> Wait, those are not clown shoes.
> Shit, I'm wearing prototype honk shoes from the clown asteroid.
> Go to cargo, order a costume crate to get new shoes.
> Slimes are loose everywhere, whatever.
> These two minutes last forever.
> Get my shoes, run back to robotics.
> I WILL HAVE MY MECH
> YES
> FINALLY
> A space bear and Adam Pyrex murder me in robotics.
> Fuck.

Fuck.

> Be borg
> Roll around a bit
> AI says Secborg is needed and stuff is going down in the armory, apperantly the Captain is killng someone
> I am to detain the Cap
> Roll to armory, much much chaos going on... stun Cap
> AI changed its mind, tells me "He is a ling"... he who?
> Can't really ask while lasers are flying through the air so I try defusing the situation as best as I can
> Some guy escapes (who was the ling)
> Cap and HoS in crit, but I rescue the HoS while Captain was rescued by Doctor
> Hunt the ling guy around the station a bit, eventually see him enter maint
> Roll after him and hear a very audible "click" from the locker...
> Open locker... get flashed... get killed...
> Observe for like 20 minutes or so, get some shit in deadchat for not being omniscient and letting the ling escape the first time I "had him" and how I should've know he was the ling because of things I didn't witness because I wasn't there
> Oh well...
> Eventuall get revived by atmos tech, shuttle already called and almost there, souther part of station eaten by singu, everything is in chaos
> See that ling who killed me again firing into escape with tazers and lasers, Captain fights back. I try to fire some support and roll after the ling
> It may have been lag or I was too tired or I don't know but I swear the ling flashed me from 2 tiles away
> Get killed again because the ling apperantly made that his priority over the other people around me like that one sec officer I could see while blinded

> But fear not! The Roboticist sees me dead and drags me inside the Roboticist lab!
> He fixes me and revives me!
> He takes out my cell, he had a 30k cell on his table
> He talks a bit, dunno about what since I'm deaf without a cell
> Eventually the Roboticist exposes my wires and locks me down
> He then leaves me and goes to the shuttle

This was one of the biggest dickmoves I've seen in this game, reviving a borg only to remove the cell and lock it down. What is that even accomplishing? Is it to force the player to suicide/ghost out so they cannot be revived at all anymore? Just some sadistic cruetly?

I'm not mad or upset about this because the round ended like 3 1/2 minutes after that anyway and I was sure I wouldn't be revived when I died the first time. I just think it's really sad how some players treat others. Then again most non-borg players think that borg-players are the worst and should be treated like trash anyway.

InsaneHyena wrote:> CLOWN

Captain here. As far as I aware, you were being a thieving dick; if you'd given us a little more information, I'd have probably dickslapped the HoP and let you have your mech.

InsaneHyena wrote:>honk

I was the doctor who gave you the HoP's ID, was a traitor and gave myself all access with it first then just gave it to you because a clown should always have all access.

Ended up stealing my objective (CE's magboots) and the HoS's gun as a bonus. Then Bryce Pax joined as HoS and was obsessed the entire round with finding his gun. They pretty much knew I had it from my gloves and coat but I stashed it elsewhere so they never were able to prove it. Was a good time, sad it didn't work out on your end.