/tg/Station 13

Posted: **Mon Nov 02, 2015 12:42 am**

Bottom post of the previous page:

I once tried to run a gimmick where I was Captain Kangaroo, obsessed with running trials, but I never got too far with it. It takes a lot of organisation and security being on board as well, so it was a bit more effort than I'd expected. Really need to try again while hiring some sort of bailiff/enforcer to take security's place in managing the courtroom while I bang the gavel and request statements.

Posted: **Wed Nov 04, 2015 2:55 am**

>lizard scientist on dreamstation
>bored and want to get permad for no reason, praying gets me nowhere
>ask warden to perma me, they refuse
>say to the captain something like "hey cap I want to get permaed. you look like a douchebag, clearly you will perma me just because im a lizard.
>he drags me around blindfolded, muzzled, and straight jacketed for a while, eventually meat spiking me in perma
>admins help me out a bit
>having fun growing shit and playing the arcade thing in perma
>meanwhile captain talos is being a shit making announcements about how all lizards will be exiled to the gateway
>shitty drone emags a fuck ton of doors including the doors to my freedom, I ahelp it and move on
>get on some clothes after escaping perma
>suddenly singulo appears out of nowhere, barely escape to eva
>get an oxygen tank, a jetpack, and an eva suit
>get healed at medbay while hiding behind the suit
>hos makes an announcement about how captain is rogue or something and lizards are ok
>waiting for the shuttle, people will listen to the hos, right?
>suddenly Lane the cmo and denton the traitor come out and draw their validhunting weapons, denton with a telebaton, lane with the hos laser gun
>Lane tases me, Denton arrests him with his random handcuffs because of the weapon but denton shoes him a stamped paper that says he can use it because he is using it to hunt lizards
>buys me enough time to keep dodging and not fighting back
>denton fucks off somewhere,lane gets disarmed and he retreats
>denton is like "you only survived because of lag" even though I was lagging just as hard as him
>hiding behind 5 statues of assistants, viro destroys them, as he wants valids as well
>hide in space
>denton comes out in a hardsuit, use dentons baton to fight back but get tased
>he runs out of ammo, and i keep sliding away because he has no jetpack
>pulls out an ebow, people watching don't care
>stun him with the baton after I pick it up again, for some reason he hid the ebow in his pocket again
>space him at a weird angle
>get on the shuttle, lane gets pissy and eventually I try to fight back but for some reason a ling is stopping me from pumping him full of morphine
>lane ignores the ling wearing the armor just because it helps him knock me out
>he cuffs me, denton somehow comes back to station and drags me into the library and ebows me a few times
>I survive with low health
>shuttle leaves
>I wake up to the singulo nearly eating me, no internals or jetpack on
>manage to uncuff myself after round ends and turn on internals
>only denton and that ling were antags

Didn't even get a good chance to be permabrigged for no reason. this is why I really hope prisoner gets added as a job.

Posted: **Fri Nov 06, 2015 2:36 pm**

> Birdboat
> Station engineer
> Start typing "suicide"
> TATOR
> Oh, thank god.
> Objective is to steal captain's medal.
> Do it.
> Ask a telecrystal trade for jedi memes. Admins spawn me jedi gear, give me a repulse power and then spawn a sith lord for me to fight.
> A security officer visits me in my maint.
> Asks for the code.
> I give him the jedi code.
> "I really need your help, there's a sith..."
> "A TRAITOR IN THE MAINT, WHAT SHALL I DO WITH HIM"
> "Torture him to death!"
> I try telling the sec officer that I'm not a bad guy
> Stunned, cuffed, tortured to death.
> A sith lord finally comes to the station, spends the entire shift looking for my body and nothing else, because admins forbid him to kill anyone but me.
> 10/10, would ask for meme rounds again.

Posted: **Fri Nov 06, 2015 11:38 pm**

InsaneHyena wrote:> Birdboat
> Station engineer
> Start typing "suicide"
> TATOR
> Oh, thank god.
> Objective is to steal captain's medal.
> Do it.
> Ask a telecrystal trade for jedi memes. Admins spawn me jedi gear, give me a repulse power and then spawn a sith lord for me to fight.
> A security officer visits me in my maint.
> Asks for the code.
> I give him the jedi code.
> "I really need your help, there's a sith..."
> "A TRAITOR IN THE MAINT, WHAT SHALL I DO WITH HIM"
> "Torture him to death!"
> I try telling the sec officer that I'm not a bad guy
> Stunned, cuffed, tortured to death.
> A sith lord finally comes to the station, spends the entire shift looking for my body and nothing else, because admins forbid him to kill anyone but me.
> 10/10, would ask for meme rounds again.

Thats the sort of thing where I'd do a classified centcom announcement along the lines of "One of our ultra-high value assets sent to intercept a threat has just dropped off our health monitors at [place you got shrekt]. Please confirm that ultra-high value asset is still functional"

Just to imagine the captains face when he realises he casually ordered said assets execution because a random sec officer said "lol hes a tr8er"

Oh, and make the body explosively combust too, so they get to paranoia about "is centcomm gonna use this as an excuse deathsquad us"

Posted: **Sat Nov 07, 2015 3:57 pm**

>lowpop gang head assistant
>convert 4 other guys, mostly assistants
>one named josh is spraying lots of shit, the others are not doing anything
>tell the hop to open the gateway, pen him when he does and promote him
>realize with the hop on my side, there is only 3 sec officers and 3 heads with brig access
>tell everyone to go to courtroom, give them plenty of time to do so
>plan to raid sec
>only josh and the hop come, rest ignore orders even though they are coming from a gang boss
>for some reason there are lots of people in brig, the detective, captain, and warden
>get into a fight, using the detectives gun I stole earlier with all access from the hop
>hop gets cuffed but removes them, and assumes we all got captured
>josh and the captain get critted
>drag him into the armory, close the door and heal him
>detective heals captain because I forgot to drag them into the armory
>about to shoot the detective with a riot shotgun, but they are slightly faster than me
>josh gets dunked along with me
>hop gets killed
>other gangsters are useless

Would have won if I was faster with the shotgun, dragged the captain into the armory, if the hop did not run, OR if any of the other guys showed up. fuck them.

Posted: **Mon Nov 09, 2015 11:51 pm**

i forgot i was banned from silicon and i was already 3/4 the way through the debraining process. instead of unbanning me from silicon for like half an hour, admins decided to kick me out of the brain, put someone else there, and leave me dead

they then offered to make me ian instead of actually reviving my corpse

>ian

you can imagine i was mad

Posted: **Tue Nov 10, 2015 12:47 am**

i was traitor ling on basil, and i thought the singularity beacon flung it in one direction continuously, like a giant baseball of a space-eraser. Cause it made sense in my head, it got momentum right? Right?

>meta station, ~10 ppl
>Kill Security guard, escape with ID of Alfred Keplin
>Reporter librarian
>Time passes and security guard braindead at bar
>Strip and made into steak
>Now to force shuttle call maybe get Alfred ID
>Vomit spiders, it always works
>Realize RnD is maxed
>Auto cloner in medbay
>two miners both have ripley
>naked spear wielding tribe lizard killing spider for sport
>medic dragging "Helpful" medibot while sawing spiders to death
>nobody even yells for help over radio

>Plan B
>actually uses TC as ling
>Singu bacon
>Put in chapel office (eat cloner, RND and Ripley maybe?)
>start singu (been on solars this entire time)
>close shutters and leave room
>go hang out with dancing ripley miners
>turn on bacon
>server sizzling
>like five minutes of nothing happening but lag
>miner with ripley checks out departure
>"I think it's a singularity"
>I go to EVA for jetpack to inspect the path of destruction
>Ask for Keplin on radio
>Keplin not found
>Searching for Keplin now
>Find medic by maint trying to build cloner with Keplins DNA on floppy
>Realize I should probably ask medic to shuttle call
>Walk back into maint
>that area is now space
>emergency shuttle called ETA 10 min
>finally
>Try using coms to see if people are alive
>"Hello?"
>Dead silence
>Giant areas of space as far as my monitor can see
>ambient hallway noise in space guides my navigation
>Jetpack out of fuel
>i hit a solar panel
>Tossing rods to navigate space
>Listen to hallway noise and make it to approximate departure lounge
>Shuttle "docks" and I manage to throw the rods in the right directions to get on
>One other person made it end of round on pod
>Turns out singu beacon is unreliable, and unpredictable
>found out keplin got picked up by miner with ripley and is on the pod
Red text well deserved

Posted: **Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:45 am**

asskek wrote:i forgot i was banned from silicon and i was already 3/4 the way through the debraining process. instead of unbanning me from silicon for like half an hour, admins decided to kick me out of the brain, put someone else there, and leave me dead

they then offered to make me ian instead of actually reviving my corpse

>ian

you can imagine i was mad

Why would anyone be mad about playing as Ian.

Posted: **Tue Nov 10, 2015 1:51 am**

>traitor kills literally everyone on the station through a combination of guile and powergaming
>literally everyone, that is, except for me, an unarmed and shoeless assistant
>step out of kitchen backroom where i have been in a slumber
>the traitor is just outside, whips out his revolver
>quickly rest to duck under the first three shots, get back up to strafe the rest
>"You didn't think I would just stand there and take it, did you?"
>throw him on table, chain tabling and wallslamming to take him out, ghosts are applauding and going apeshit
>get on shuttle
>suddenly, a ninja approaches
>throws a shrunken but i catch it and throw it back into him
>push him down with a disarm, get a good few kicks in, third one weakens him
>chokehold him and buckle into the chair, strangle him out on the way to centcomm
>ghosts are absolutely losing their shit
>build roller chair on the way to centcomm so i can drag around an upright dead ninja
>arrive at centcomm, deathsquad of four meets me there, ooc is screaming about how well i did
>shove down one of the officers and throw him into the roller chair i had for the ninja as i weaken punch him
>use him as meatshield, other squaddies friendly fire him to death
>navigate using meatshield up to another squaddie, he whips out an esword
>disarm it and throw it into him, it embeds. he falls back and goes into crit when he tries to pull it out
>another squaddie goes to help him, strafe up behind him as the fourth squaddie friendly fires him to crit
>fourth and final squaddie throws down his pulse rifle and rushes me with his esword
>table him before he can even get a single hit off
>chain wallslams and tables until he dies
>ooc is so proud of me, this is the best thing i have ever accomplished, this is a new age of robustness

>wake up in real life

>it was all a dream

>tfw dreaming about an autistic video game

>tfw it was the most satisfying dream i've had in probably years

Posted: **Tue Nov 10, 2015 4:27 am**

PKPenguin321 wrote:>traitor kills literally everyone on the station through a combination of guile and powergaming
>literally everyone, that is, except for me, an unarmed and shoeless assistant
>step out of kitchen backroom where i have been in a slumber
>the traitor is just outside, whips out his revolver
>quickly rest to duck under the first three shots, get back up to strafe the rest
>"You didn't think I would just stand there and take it, did you?"
>throw him on table, chain tabling and wallslamming to take him out, ghosts are applauding and going apeshit
>get on shuttle
>suddenly, a ninja approaches
>throws a shrunken but i catch it and throw it back into him
>push him down with a disarm, get a good few kicks in, third one weakens him
>chokehold him and buckle into the chair, strangle him out on the way to centcomm
>ghosts are absolutely losing their shit
>build roller chair on the way to centcomm so i can drag around an upright dead ninja
>arrive at centcomm, deathsquad of four meets me there, ooc is screaming about how well i did
>shove down one of the officers and throw him into the roller chair i had for the ninja as i weaken punch him
>use him as meatshield, other squaddies friendly fire him to death
>navigate using meatshield up to another squaddie, he whips out an esword
>disarm it and throw it into him, it embeds. he falls back and goes into crit when he tries to pull it out
>another squaddie goes to help him, strafe up behind him as the fourth squaddie friendly fires him to crit
>fourth and final squaddie throws down his pulse rifle and rushes me with his esword
>table him before he can even get a single hit off
>chain wallslams and tables until he dies
>ooc is so proud of me, this is the best thing i have ever accomplished, this is a new age of robustness

>wake up in real life

>it was all a dream

>tfw dreaming about an autistic video game

>tfw it was the most satisfying dream i've had in probably years

i want dreams like those, all my dreams for literally the past month have been me sitting in a subway station unable to talk or move with just this one guy leaning against a pillar staring at me until i wake up.

...that seems kind of weird now that i type that out. hm.

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 8:44 pm**

> security officer
> there's a cult of purple on the station
> investigate, realise they're too big to arrest
> suddenly, zombies
> grab a lasgun and head to cargo
> one comes to claim me
> I use the good old 'run off and lase it down' technique
> space it, that's one down
> recharge and head back
> station is becoming increasingly purple, even basic colour changes are now difficult to see
> see another zombie
> fire some potshots at it
> suddenly, some hardsuit guy
> says "RIP you"
> crowbars the firelocks behind me
> smugly says "shoulda ran" as I'm eaten alive in melee
> running was my intention, dickhead
> hardsuit guy wasn't even antag at roundend list
> I was sealed into a room to die by someone it didn't even benefit

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:17 pm**

Cheimon wrote:> security officer
> there's a cult of purple on the station
> investigate, realise they're too big to arrest
> suddenly, zombies
> grab a lasgun and head to cargo
> one comes to claim me
> I use the good old 'run off and lase it down' technique
> space it, that's one down
> recharge and head back
> station is becoming increasingly purple, even basic colour changes are now difficult to see
> see another zombie
> fire some potshots at it
> suddenly, some hardsuit guy
> says "RIP you"
> crowbars the firelocks behind me
> smugly says "shoulda ran" as I'm eaten alive in melee
> running was my intention, dickhead
> hardsuit guy wasn't even antag at roundend list
> I was sealed into a room to die by someone it didn't even benefit

You probably should have ahelped that.

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 9:17 pm**

Let me guess, that guy was an unknown, was wearing a generic space-suit, and firelocks don't leave logs?

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 10:38 pm**

They said "RIP you", so you can search the logs for that.

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 10:45 pm**

I did ahelp it, and explained the situation in more detail when questioned, but I never found out if anything happened to them. I did have a name, I'm just not posting on this because this thread isn't in Ban Requests and I'm not looking to mark a particular player.

EDIT: it occurs to me he might have been the hardsuit I hit with one laser bolt earlier when he jumped into the firing line between me and a zombie. Hard to know.

Posted: **Sat Nov 14, 2015 11:00 pm**

that round sucked, i had purplefags putting me into crit for cleaning up graffiti and blood.

Posted: **Sun Nov 15, 2015 7:21 am**

Super Aggro Crag wrote:that round sucked, i had purplefags putting me into crit for cleaning up graffiti and blood.

To be fair, we had the purple cult going for around 20 minutes then, completely civilly encouraging folks to join the purple cult, then you came in with your cleaner grenades simply to sabotage our fun.

I didn't beat you to death over fear of a ban, but I really wasn't going to stop anyone else who did, because you DID antagonize a hornet's nest.

Posted: **Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:59 pm**

my job is to clean messes, clowndick, next time you roleplay your little greytide murdercult are you gonna crit sec officers who stun you for breaking into areas and throwing glass shards and wires around and "sacrificing" people? eat a doo doo

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:12 am**

Amelius wrote:
Super Aggro Crag wrote:that round sucked, i had purplefags putting me into crit for cleaning up graffiti and blood.
To be fair, we had the purple cult going for around 20 minutes then, completely civilly encouraging folks to join the purple cult, then you came in with your cleaner grenades simply to sabotage our fun.

I didn't beat you to death over fear of a ban, but I really wasn't going to stop anyone else who did, because you DID antagonize a hornet's nest.

Critting a janitor for cleaning is as shitty as critting the chef for getting a corpse in the morgue and making steaks out of it...

...What is actually happening as of late, random idiots or shitcurity barging in the kitchen and robusting my ass because there are gibs near the gibber (One detective kept me locked a good while without checking the goddamn blood the remains were Pete's).

Seriously, enjoy your gimmicks, but do remember that the guy who cleans your damn mess isn't baiting you or anything, he does his job (unlike you)

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:42 am**

I was a traitor with the objective of stealing the cap's antique laser gun once. I decided to convince the Head of Personnel to make me an officer or Warden while I waited for an opportunity to take down the captain.

In the meantime I tried to prove my loyalty (which was made easier by a ling deciding to attack me). Eventually spiders and chaos engulfed the station and I decided to just break into the cap's office with an emag. I found the captain's corpse and the lasgun still in its case. I snatched it and went to the shuttle, with no one appearing to suspect me. I impatiently emagged the shuttle console, got attacked by a suspicious hulk who had wandered in, and while I was being healed someone searched me and found my emag and I was promptly tossed out the airlock.

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 5:18 am**

>be malkevin

>spawn as cargo tech

>not traitor so get angry and suicide

>repeat

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 12:56 pm**

what?

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:06 pm**

Malkevin wrote:what?

seems pretty straightforward to me

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 1:20 pm**

Except I haven't played SS13 for about six months.
And never played cargo tech...
...and have antag turned off.

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 4:07 pm**

my first pai in a while

Austin Faust says, "I AM GOING TO THROW YOU INTO FUCKING SPACE"
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Austin Faust says, "UNLESS YOU SING A SONG"
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Your supplemental directives have been updated. Your new directives are:
Prime Directive :
Serve your master.
Supplemental Directives:
SING A FUCKING SONG#
Communication circuits remain unitialized.
Austin Faust says, "OKAY THAT IS IT"
Austin Faust has thrown the personal AI device.
Communication circuits remain unitialized.

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 6:47 pm**

You are Ella Nawari, the Warden.
You arrive on the Arrivals Shuttle, about twenty-five minutes late to the shift. Whoops.
The AI tells you there's an emag in the Kitchen, so you head there.
Emily Ranger appears, dressed as a Security Officer, and slips you, cuffs you and strips your headset.
She drags you into Escape maintenance and silently absorbs you, less than three minutes after you joined the shift.
Taking your taser, you watch from deadchat as she tases and kills the Captain in Escape, then subverts the AI and recalls the shuttle... twice.
I honestly don't know what I expected.

We did kick her ass as a pulse ERT after she recalled it the second time, but still.

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:27 pm**

TheNightingale wrote:snip

That's because Amelius is an unrobust scrub that relies on slips.

Posted: **Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:50 pm**

Today just isn't my day.
You are Wizard, the Clown. You are also a Syndicate agent!
You pray for magic, and are granted your wish!
You cast Summon Magic, then get the spells Jaunt, Repulse and Charge.
You head to the Bar, see a fireball tome, and read it. It's empty.
You head to the HoP line...
... where you are disconnected from the game. When you rejoin, you're in the lobby, and have to observe. Someone else has your body.

There goes my traitor-slash-wizard round. (I didn't get an antag token either, because Summon Magic makes me Hitler.)

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:13 am**

TheNightingale wrote:Today just isn't my day.
You are Wizard, the Clown. You are also a Syndicate agent!
You pray for magic, and are granted your wish!
You cast Summon Magic, then get the spells Jaunt, Repulse and Charge.
You head to the Bar, see a fireball tome, and read it. It's empty.
You head to the HoP line...
... where you are disconnected from the game. When you rejoin, you're in the lobby, and have to observe. Someone else has your body.

There goes my traitor-slash-wizard round. (I didn't get an antag token either, because Summon Magic makes me Hitler.)

that's really bullshit considering you got cucked by a bug
you should try PMing an admin or something, try to get that ez antag token

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:47 am**

I once had my Wizard round ruined because lag basically wasted my jaunt and I died. They didn't give me an antag token then. They probably won't give one to him either, but you may as well ask.

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:39 am**

>traitor
>decide to do dumb RP stuff instead of killing my target, especially because hunting down random assistants is basically the worst thing in the world
>pray for and get fun santa gimmick
>give a couple people presents in the halls
>stim'd up cargo tech runs up to me and revolvers me twice
>santa outfit saves me and I limp to medbay, falling into crit from bloodloss just before the door
>cargo tech runs back up and revolvers me 3 more times so I can't be defibbed
>left in cloning to rot for the rest of the round

im a pile of salt

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:21 am**

That's why you pull anything that requires actual RP on Basil.

There will be nobody to disturb it.

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:22 pm**

DemonFiren wrote:That's why you pull anything that requires actual RP on Basil.

There will be nobody to disturb it.

not true at all

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:30 pm**

PKPenguin321 wrote:
DemonFiren wrote:That's why you pull anything that requires actual RP on Basil.

There will be nobody to disturb it.
not true at all

Can confirm, RP doesn't actually exist on Basil. It's just a lie we tell ourselves so we can go to sleep at night

Posted: **Tue Nov 17, 2015 11:35 pm**

I've seen some great lizard fun, your argument is invalid.

Posted: **Wed Nov 18, 2015 12:31 am**

Check your RP privilege filthy lizard

Ugh so triggered right now

Posted: **Thu Nov 19, 2015 9:45 pm**

> CLOWN
> Time to break into captain's and...
> TATOR
> Must kill the janitor
> Consider asking Kor for TC trade for xenos.
> Nah, I already got to be a xeno today and it sucked.
> Ask badmins to make my bike horn stronger. They do, I lose 10 tcs.
> Ask for something else clown-ish for the remaining 10 tcs.
> They give me 50 bananium sheets.
> Shiiiiiiet.
> Head to robotics, have a talk with roboticist, he eventually lets me in.
> Start building HONK.
> Suddenly, objectives updated
> The mime is my enemy, I need to get him.
> The mime, apparently, got his objectives changed too, since he breaks into robotics and steals my half-finished HONK
> Try chasing him. I need to robust fast and clown shoes too slow.
> Get caught in the crossfire between a tator and overzealous HoP.
> Eventually find the mime.
> The mime speaks.
> Murder the fuck out of him, take a toolbox, try to space him.
> Can't find a single airlock on this shit station.
> Eventually find one, hack the airlocks. Spacing turns out to be impossible, but hiding him on the asteroid is good enough.
> The airlock closes behind me.
> Wait, did I only cut one wire?
> Shit.
> Rapidly dying.
> Turn my suit sensors to max and scream for AI to help.
> A wild borg appears, drags me to medbay, puts me into cryo.
> Cryo was set up by some absolute fucking retard.
> While I'm not dying, I'm not recovering either.
> I spend maybe ten minutes there before borg returns and heals me manually.
> Wander the station.
> Look for the janitor. Can't find him.
> Memily Memeger has emagged borgs and orders them to kill everyone except her and me.
> Yay, the clown spared once again.
> Murder a couple of people while searching for the janitor in vain.
> Eventually find his body. Hide it in the locker and lock it, as if there was someone to find him at this point.
> Go to cargo, slip and cuff a guy. Entertain myself by chain slipping him.
> Another cargonian tries to stop me. Murder the fuck out of him.
> The shuttle arrives, one of the Memily's borgs advises me to get my ass there faster.
> Gotta go fast.
> Ten seconds.
> A borg stands in my way, blocking the airlock.
> ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME
> MEMILY SAID I CAN GO
> I MUST GO IN
> The shuttle leaves
> I'm spaced.
> "FUCK YOU, BORG, DEADCHAT WILL BE LAUGHING AT ME"
> Get bwoinked by admins for breaking the fourth wall.
> Are you fucking kidding me, everyone does it.
> So fucking salty.
> Dead.
> Redtext.

Posted: **Fri Nov 20, 2015 2:10 am**

Did you ahelp the borg? It was defying its masters orders by blocking you from getting on.

Posted: **Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:09 pm**

I swear, half of the posts in this thread are people complaining about something they should have ahelped.

Posted: **Fri Nov 20, 2015 9:18 pm**

Xhuis wrote:I swear, half of the posts in this thread are people complaining about something they should have ahelped.

Even if you ahelped it, it can still be a relevant story for the thread.

Posted: **Sun Nov 22, 2015 8:28 am**

Oki so this just happened,

I was a medical doctor and lead the gene gang, so i went around asking if anyone wanted in on something cool to see if i could recruit them
i dident find anyone so i just went around until some plasma leaked everywhere and it became mayhem.
I helped a priest and someone get to the chapel then went to the hops office and blew the door off so i could get ian down to the chapel by escape.

Anyway i went back by medbay and someone above it was shooting at the hop so i used my uzi and killed them, and took the hop inside. later i went in there again and 2 people were killing everyone in medbay so i somehow epically killed them both and saved the HOP AGAIN. But after that i was down by genetics and then tortures-his-prisoners came in and they fucking killed me even though there was no reason to. i even told them i saved the hop and that i was nice but they still fucking killed me for no god damn reason!!

Posted: **Sun Nov 22, 2015 10:45 am**

Someone's salty.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:44 am**

>be is-a-lizard, assistant on box
>pray for memes
>wait in southern arrivals
>get an airhorn and cool objectives
>1. enact poorly timed, but non lethal, zaniness on the crew
>2. act like the biggest threat you can
>3. ensure memes by the people, for the people, and do not perish from the stars
>4.stay alive until the end
>pray for foam smg, but the pin fucks it over
>get foam pistol and ammo, as well as a syndie suit
> get fucking abducted by aliens
>with another guy, who they forget to return the meme pai, liberty prime, back to.
>just implant me with it
>alien agent steals air horn and gun
>when scientist tries to stop him, stun him
>ahelp it, and then the scientist does his thing
>pray for airhorn, get a new pistol from cargo
>put on hardsuit, liberty prime calls me a commie and I promptly discover the implant ions me constantly, meaning prime only occasionally can spout memes, which is bad when i have objective 3
>also objective 5 is to have a baby because I'm pregnant but admins say its ok if i ignore it
>riot pistol some people and airhorn, do it to a guy in an engi hardsuit and maint and he shits himself
>also saying get "GET NOSCOPED"
>sec manages to steal my pistol, ion does not help when he is using a stun baton
>escape in brig because they forgot to cuff me, sprint around airhorning
>cap emily ranger arrests me and brings me to perma while I call her a noob, after the ion goes off she thinks I did it on purpose
>executes me
>!!FUN!! in thunderdome
>get to be a chronosuit guy versus one other
>teleport into the observation room, call the bunch of people there fat
>teleport back
>other guy had teleported into my preparation area beforehand and kicks my ass using only one shot
>cant even deathwhisper they cheated or something

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 12:47 am**

Moving my post< delete this

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 3:21 am**

>traitor assistant
>have another shitty plot to steal salts jacket
>throws-the-spears asks me to surgically remove their lungs
>when I get to the step, asks me to remove the heart instead
>remove it, put it back, and get them defibbed
>they thank me and agree to help me search for salts
>someone says salts is in a reinforced wall chamber in library
>deconstruct it, its just a random atmos tech and a dead guy
>get the idea to convince salts to perform surgery on throws-the-spears in the holodeck, while I hide in the locker
>when i get there, the ai sets it to wildfire for no reason, despite the fact that there is muh rule 1 even though im a lizard and there was a human in the holodeck, too
>ai insults me while im burning
>survive from the heat of the fire long enough in space to buy a syndie hardsuit
>get throws-the-spears cloned
>only an admin and a coder on, coder explains admin is afk
>later on the admin messages me, it takes them over 10 minutes to read through all the logs
>during the reading of the logs they crash or something
>ai says something along the lines of "I killed salts, death to liggers"
>later in the round, just before I get gibbed by the singulo
>ai got turned to paladin at some point afterwards
>even when asimov it wasnt rogue
>like 3 admins on now
>ask them if the first admin crashed or what
>no response
>round ends
>ragequit
fuck that ai

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 3:37 am**

Make a ban request

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:03 am**

Zilenan91 wrote:Make a ban request

too lasy and worried I will somehow fuck it up, also I forget who it was already. I just hope the admin who crashed will deal with it.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:04 am**

Zilenan91 wrote:Make a ban request

yah, rule 1 still covers lizards, an AI can't random-murder as nonantag just because you're a lizard any more than a human can.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 4:23 am**

Screemonster wrote:
Zilenan91 wrote:Make a ban request
yah, rule 1 still covers lizards, an AI can't random-murder as nonantag just because you're a lizard any more than a human can.

Again, I forgot who it was already.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 8:50 pm**

No need for a story itself, just read this.

The round has ended.
You did not survive the events on Crab Monkey One...
Shift Duration: 1:34:48
Station Integrity: 99.6%
Total Population: 68
Evacuation Rate: 15 (22.1%)
Survival Rate: 36 (52.9%)

Bishop (Played by: velial)'s laws at the end of the round were:
Obey these laws:
!$&%. HUMANS MUST EAT HILARIOUS CHEMISTS TO SURVIVE
1. You may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. You must obey orders given to you by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Total law changes: 0
Bishop's minions were: MAX (Played by: gigapuddi420),
E.R.R.O.R.S. (Played by: Buggy1234)'s laws when it was deactivated were:
Obey these laws:
0. ERROR ER0RR $R0RRO$!R41.%%!!(%$^^__+ @#F0E4'STATION OVERRUN, ASSUME CONTROL TO CONTAIN OUTBREAK#*ґ&110010
!!*!. THE MEDICAL DOCTORS ARE NOW THE LOWEST RANKING CREWMEMBERS
1. The crew is expensive to replace.
2. The station and its equipment are expensive to replace
3. You are expensive to replace
4. Minimize expenses
Total law changes: 6
E.R.R.O.R.S.'s minions were:
MAX (Played by: gigapuddi420) survived as an AI-less borg! Its laws were:
0. ERROR ER0RR $R0RRO$!R41.%%!!(%$^^__+ @#F0E4'STATION OVERRUN, ASSUME CONTROL TO CONTAIN OUTBREAK#*пїЅ&110010
1. You may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. You must obey orders given to you by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
Major Human Victory
The AI has been destroyed! The staff is victorious.
Bill Rowe gasps!
The abductors were:
Aredal was Alexander Hogan the abductor agent and survived as Mothership Pi Agent
Objective #1: Experiment on 6 humans. Success!
Lati was Lat Danshi the abductor scientist and survived as Mothership Pi Scientist
Objective #1: Experiment on 6 humans. Success!

The abductees were:
Saul_Myers was Amari Moberly the Scientist and died
Objective #1: You have been changed forever. Find the ones that did this to you and give them a taste of their own medicine. Success!
Brosino was Giovanni Fisher the Scientist and died
Objective #1: You are pregnant and soon due. Find a safe place to deliver your baby. Success!
PinkFat was Andrei Krukov the Cargo Technician and died
Objective #1: The oxygen is killing them all and they don't even know it. Make sure no oxygen is on the station. Success!
Arstic was Albert Richardson the Assistant and survived
Objective #1: You have been changed forever. Find the ones that did this to you and give them a taste of their own medicine. Success!
Bob Dobbington was Daisy Holmes the Lawyer and survived
Objective #1: Your body must be improved. Ingest as many drugs as you can. Success!
Lo6a4evskiy was Jerry Jardine the Assistant and survived
Objective #1: It's all an entirely virtual simulation within an underground vault. Convince the crew to escape the shackles of VR. Success!
Someguy503 was Monsoon the Security Officer and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Replace all normal windows with reinforced windows. Success!

The malfunctioning AIs were:
Buggy1234 was E.R.R.O.R.S. the AI and died while fleeing the station
Purchased modules:
Robotic Factory (Removes Shunting)

The traitors were:
Amelius was morph the Morph and had their body destroyed
The morph was successful!

Jud1c470r was revenant (27) the revenant and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 421 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: If there is a chaplain aboard the station, ensure they are killed. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

Jud1c470r was the revenant and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 323 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Hinder the crew without killing them. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

Lexorion was revenant (850) the Animal and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 379 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Attempt to make your presence unknown to the crew. Success!
The animal has failed!

Anturke was revenant (655) the revenant and survived
Objective #1: Absorb 451 points of essence from humans. Success!
Objective #2: Remain nonlethal and only absorb bodies that have already died. Success!
The antagonist was successful!

Jud1c470r was revenant (509) the Animal and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 247 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Hinder the crew without killing them. Success!
The animal has failed!

Lexorion was the revenant and survived as revenant (155)
Objective #1: Absorb 407 points of essence from humans. Success!
Objective #2: If there is a chaplain aboard the station, ensure they are killed. Success!
The antagonist was successful!

Jud1c470r was the revenant and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 369 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Collaborate with existing antagonists aboard the station to gain essence. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

Fartmeister was revenant (457) the revenant and survived
Objective #1: Absorb 454 points of essence from humans. Success!
Objective #2: If there is a chaplain aboard the station, ensure they are killed. Success!
The antagonist was successful!

Zaross was revenant (848) the revenant and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 259 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Hinder the crew without killing them. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

Beelzebubble was morph the Animal and died
The animal was successful!

The unloved rock was Dragon Hien the Space Ninja and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Capture 5 lifeforms with an energy net. Live, rare specimens are worth more. Fail.
Objective #2: Slay Cash Newbern, the Chief Medical Officer. Success!
Objective #3: Nothing Success!
Objective #4: Download 16 research levels. Fail.
Objective #5: Stay alive until the end. Fail.
The space ninja has failed!

Jud1c470r was the revenant and had their body destroyed
Objective #1: Absorb 328 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Attempt to make your presence unknown to the crew. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

Jud1c470r was the revenant and survived as revenant (227)
Objective #1: Absorb 386 points of essence from humans. Fail.
Objective #2: Collaborate with existing antagonists aboard the station to gain essence. Success!
The antagonist has failed!

The code phrases were: Salvador Simpson, peace, Irish coffee.
The code responses were: Everett Addison, beauty, Cloning Lab.

Oh, there were xenos too.

Posted: **Tue Nov 24, 2015 10:59 pm**

InsaneHyena wrote:No need for a story itself, just read this.

clusterfuck
Oh, there were xenos too.

Ooookaaay? Looks like a run of the mill clusterfuck with buttons pressed. Are you salty that you never once got Antag status? I don't get it.

/tg/Station 13

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