/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

>Meta geneticist
>Gene god with tk, xray and hulk
>Bored
>Guy plants bomb in maint next to cap office
>Doesn't secure it, what an idiot
>Space it via mass driver
>Somehow either comes back or fails to launch
>Either way, chapel is exploded
>Welp I tried
>Go to gateway for some away mission memes
>It's xeno asteroid
>Wow okay
>Come back immediately because that away mission is boring
>Shuttle's called by the AI
>N2O everywhere, gravity off, tesla out
>I have a space suit so I'm good
>Upgrade my oxygen container at EVA and take some magboots
>Go to engi for some goggles so I can see everything
>Get them
>Fuck around for a while longer
>Plasma starts coming out of the vents
>Need to upgrade suits
>Go to engi for the atmos hardsuit
>Realize the CE hardsuit is there
>Go to take it
>AI locks me in and blows the lights, causing a fire
>Throw on the suit
>Fire immunity
>Pinch through a wall
>The AI has made a most regrettable mistake
>Crack the AI core like a walnut
>TK the AI to death with a floor tile
>It's powerless to stop me
>It's last words are "Really?"
>Get outplayed kid
>Shuttle is almost here
>Time to leave
>Go around by space
>There are carp EVERYWHERE
>They slow me down enough that I miss the shuttle
>"Well, I might have missed the shuttle, but I made the AI redtext, so I win."
>Admin blip "HEY NO OOC IN IC!!!"
>Wow okay
>"Sure I'll make sure not to OOC in IC when I'm all alone in space again."
>Round ends
>AI was rogue (obviously) and had to kill me
>Wow buddy you fucked up big time
>The buttblast is legendary
>"YOU OOC'D IN IC SO REALLY I WON"
>"Yeah okay"

Get dunked

ShadowDimentio wrote:kills ai with tk+xray

Tk is pretty bullshit though

The unloved rock wrote:

ShadowDimentio wrote:kills ai with tk+xray

Tk is pretty bullshit though

If you feel the need to IC in OOC to brag about hulk + tk + xray AI kill, you might need a drink of cold water.

Not-Dorsidarf wrote:If you feel the need to IC in OOC to brag about hulk + tk + xray AI kill, you might need a drink of cold water.

Why drink water when I could drink a Call of Duty™ Black Ops 3™ Mountain Dew™ and be the most MLG kid on my block?

>be clown
>wrong a few people as always
>someone calls for the fuzz
>feel the heat rising
>use a toolbelt i stole to flee to space
>decide i'm going to swing by perma and be shitty
>thunk into the syndicate shuttle
>just as they're leaving
>report my find as they land
>grab the nuke
>wall myself in
>tag the shuttle with "get gud"
>wait
>flee out the shuttle side
>toss the nuke into the singularity

I'm sorry I tried killing you cluwn. You just scared me when you turned up in the back of botany.

>be me
>be metastation
>be janitor
>you are the traitor
>oh shit
>try to get rid of my traitor because I didn't feel like murderbone in lowpop
>right after Ausops removes my traitor I back out
>ask to be an alien sentinel, am told okay if I don't murderbone
>go around being spooky, slashing APCs everywhere
>kill all the power everywhere
>be spooky
>take out engineering power
>take out gravgen
>kill the dorms power
>go to AI sat
>kill the tcomms APC and all the non AI core APCs there
>run back to the station and fart around for a while
>hear comms chatter over a nearby intercom
>go back to AI sat and kill comms again, this time aciding the APCs and a bunch of tcomms equipment so it can't be turned back on
>ventcrawl to AI core and kill the APC there
>an engineer the CE and a borg try to stop me
>murder the engineers, but the borg gets away with the regular engineers body
>Acid the APC and start aciding the turrets
>want to make the AI sat into hive when suddenly I see tesla shocks while I'm in the vent
>ohshit.jpg
>a dude is trying to decon through the rwalls at the top of the AI sat
>examine the tile
>he lays down
>holoparasite injector near him
>later find out after the round that he was trying to ERP
>moving on I acid down the false wall he had created and kill the shit out of him, taking heavy damage in the process from the holo
>acid a turret, and due to bugs, tab out to report an issue on git
>tesla snipes me and I instadie
>ghost now
>literally the entire station is terrified
>cargo is walled down and they have fucktons of guns
>"if you go out there you're dead!"
>"We'll throw you out there!"
>everyone is legitimately terrified of me, the singular xeno who did basically nothing but kill the AI sat power and the AI
>kek to myself
>after the shuttle gets to centcom (it had been called earlier)
>find out that the HoP had an objective to protect me, HoP subverted AI to help protect me who I inadvertently killed because I can't understand English as a xeno
>admins gave the HoP a third objective basically saying "welp your protection target was a xeno in disguise looks like HR fucked up"
>laugh to myself

>Be clown
>Slipping time baby
>Crew is surprisingly cool with it
>Janitor lets me have his cart because he has the shoes
>Wander into sec
>Watch as some guy is stripped and drops a spray can
>Oh, so it's gang
>Some chucklefuck guard tazes me
>"I haven't done anything you fools!"
>Am implanted by the HoS and eventually released
>Welp, guess it's time to help the crew then
>Steal the last loyalty implant and the implanter on my way out
>Walk down like two halls when I'm called by an engi
>Engi tries and fails to pen me
>Get wrecked
>"Engineer is a gang head."
>He runs and I lose him
>Go back to sec and get some cuffs
>Eventually find him in a space suit breaking in EVA
>Slip and cuff him
>Implant attempt fails
>Welp
>Nuke him
>CE and a guard try to stop me
>"He's a gang head you idiots!"
>Guard drags his body off
>I stop him
>"Look at his name you idiot. It's the guy I said was a gang head."
>Guard searches him and finds gang head stuff
>Finish the engi off and mass driver the body
>APC destroyed mission accomplished
>Return to sec for some hudglasses
>Bunch of people hovering outside the entrance
>Some guard runs in with a guy and they all run in
>One pulls a gun and shoots the guard
>Another starts breaking in the armory with a fire axe
>Slip the shit out of the floors
>Gun guy falls, nuke him
>Guards start showing up and dealing with shit
>Help them nuke fire axe guy
>Apparently the AI saw because the doors start bolting
>Well fuck
>The guards start stripping the bodies
>One of the guys had a captain ID
>Yoink it and bail
>Shit's gotten fucked FAST
>Blood everywhere, tags everywhere
>The AI screams for help, that the RD is breaking in it's core
>Run to the satellite and a guard joins me
>The RD has left via hand tele but the AI is fine
>Oh okay
>Leave with the guard
>Ask the AI to unbolt the bridge so I can go in
>They do it
>I upgrade my access and ask HQ for an ERT
>No response
>Take the cap's space suit
>Ask the AI to open their upload
>"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave."
>Oh okay fair enough I am the clown and all
>Hear the AI continually reporting the location of the RD
>Apparently he's murderboning like crazy
>Meanwhile a dom is down in viro
>Pass by the bridge and see him run in
>He's RCDing the upload
>Oh hell no fuckboi
>Spray a line between me and him
>He breaks the door down and runs in
>Oh no you FUCKING DON'T
>Spray the doorway
>He runs towards me and slips like a chump
>Start beating him
>He gets up and runs, shutting the firelock and cutting the turrets on
>I get filled with lasers but my watertank shields me until the AI cuts the power off
>Hear a slip
>HE FUCKING FELL ON MY LINE OUTSIDE
>Beat the shit out of him before he gets back up and cuts his teleport armor on
>A guard shows up and fills him with lasers
>He barely manages to pop a hand tele to escape
>We jump though and finish him on the other side
>Savage as fuck
>Now for the viro dom
>Approach via maint
>Roboticist in a oddy is breaking down the wall
>Probably an enemy ganger
>"Enemy of my enemy and all that."
>He breaks the wall
>Gets cucked by a defender with an esword
>There's like five guys in there and five of us out here
>Moisten up that hole
>We kill a few that fall, but in the end, we still lost

Rip

>shadowling
>never really get a chance to do things without massive risk
>shuttle almost here
>welp
>hey sec wanna see a magic trick
>sure ce
>hatch
>sec claps
>die from light exposure

Deitus wrote:>shadowling
>never really get a chance to do things without massive risk
>shuttle almost here
>welp
>hey sec wanna see a magic trick
>sure ce
>hatch
>sec claps
>die from light exposure

if you really think shadowling is like this ur a pussy tbh

PKPenguin321 wrote:

Deitus wrote:>shadowling
>never really get a chance to do things without massive risk
>shuttle almost here
>welp
>hey sec wanna see a magic trick
>sure ce
>hatch
>sec claps
>die from light exposure

if you really think shadowling is like this ur a pussy tbh

im the most unrobust person on this damn server, i bet i could be an ascended sling and still find a way to get dunked by an assistant

I just had a great round as a revenant. Much wasn't particularly eventful (look for corpses, eat what you can, try to get all the powers without the hammer coming down). But there were a couple of instances that were really entertaining. Getting non-antags to kill each other is, I think, much more satisfying than killing them yourself. In fact, chatting someone up with promises of power only to have them commit the ultimate crime for you is probably one of the most enjoyable antag options around. So:

> brig
> warden's not busy, tell him some rando was in the armoury and robbed him
> it's true, but the warden isn't sure of that
> he arrests him and kills him at my request, all while muttering about the voices
> security officer sees the tableau: me eating, the warden with bloody saw, the half-dead assistant
> warden tells him not to worry, and the officer moves along from this highly dubious setup

> brig, but later. I've told the warden some fairly pointless info
> persuade him that guy in the straightjacket would be a good snack
> warden has no idea what this guy has done
> straightjacket freaks in the transfer centre when he sees the corpse, calls a borg
> persuade straightjacket it's fine, and he should send the borg away
> he sends the borg away!
> HOS turns up, tells warden "it's not a death camp", to take it to interrogation
> warden kills straightjacket in interrogation
> HOS runs in, says warden is insane (he is babbling about voices at this point)
> persuade HOS the warden isn't insane, and HOS decides that if a ghost is involved, it's fine

> engineering pod, evacuation time, two people
> talk to person 1, tell him to kill person 2 if he wants to live
> talk to person 2, tell him to kill person 1 if he wants to live
> talk to both, tell them they've got 5 seconds to start killing
> person 2 unbuckles
> person 1 beats 2 senseless with a hatchet
> "Happy Now?!" he says
> thanks for the snack, dude, good reaction speed, I tell him

None of the killers were antags, either. This game's great sometimes.

- Roll for AI, get Virologist. Sad face.
- Ask cargo and the CMO for a virus crate, do not actually expect it.
- Begin working on my heal virus, First good symptom is Toxic Filter! Yay! I no longer need to rely on Cargo and the CMO to get a crate!
- Cargo Tech shows up with a crate anyway, I store it in the break room and keep on working.
- Get DNA Restoration, give that to the gene buddies for faster power discovery.
- Almost done with my heal virus, when screams are heard....
- A TRAITOR HAS RELEASED A PLAGUE, IT IS SPREADING LIKE WILDFIRE!!
- I am the virologist, I actually have to cure a plague now!?!? OH MY!!
- Leave the lab to search for a sample of the virus, I do not have to look hard, the clown and an MD show as infected near my door. I get one half of the cure from the Medivend, the other from the sleeper. virus cured!
- Cure the clown, who was lying and puking everywhere, then drag her to my dungeon for sampling.
- Vaccine made, people are screaming for help and piling into Medbay by the dozens!
- Go outside, start sharing the vaccine via injection. I quickly run out.
- Order the AI to start producing more cures it while I distribute it to the crew
- People keep pouring into medbay, breaking the windows and tables to get in, several have already died from the plague.
- With the AI's help, I have enough cure in my biobag to handle the whole crew, I finally managed get this thing under control!
- Comms go down, singulo reportedly released. Dang traitors.
- I make it to the shuttle, and keep an eye out for more infected. All seems clear for the moment!
- As expected, traitors start attacking the shuttle in earnest, and seem to have released a second wave of the virus! No big deal, cured the rest except one jerkwad who refused to stay still!

This was the first time I have ever had to actually cure a plague as virologist! And not one person suspected or refused my help like they normally do when I hand out a heal virus. I finally felt...needed as a virologist. Needless to say, while I am sad that I could not finish my heal virus due to the plague, it was still the absolute best round I have ever had as Virologist. Only one person wanted to lynch me!!!!

I'm betting that "one jerkwad who refused to stay still" was responsible for the second wave of the virus.

Gun Hog wrote:Only one person wanted to lynch me!!!!

If nothing else that's the best part about giving traitors viro things, breaks the meta of "A VIRUS HAPPENED, VIRO MUST BE TATOR"

> Died horrilby in a previous nuke ops round
> Time for cluwne round.
> NOPE, NUKE OPS
> Am the leader.
> Decide to replicate my previous wonderful experience, name ourselves "Honk".
> Ask Cayenne, goddess of gimmicks, for clown ops.
> Goddess of gimmicks is silent, we do regular ops instead.
> Declaring war is literally autistic, since op have around 2 minutes to get the disk and nuke the station if the crew calls red alert shuttle as soon as possible.
> Ops tell me to pool TCs.
> We're not doing that, every man for himself, get that fukken disk.
> Go for a stealth op myself, buy a voice changer, a chameleon jumpsuit, an emag, change my name on the card to "Rodrik Svenson".
> Time to inflitrate the station.
> Jetpack myself to the eastern solars, store my hardsuit and jetpack in a locker, put on my backpack and store the military belt inside.
> Time to wander the maints.
> Have no idea where is anything on this shit station, come out fuck knows where, pinpointer tells me that disk is not here.
> Climb into disposals, appear in cargo. Lie down and let the conveyor belt take me all the way to the garbage maint.
> There are two assistants there, searching through the trash or something. They see me and spot my combat boots, try to beat me with crowbars.
> Shoot them both dead with stetchkin, steal the shoes and the ID of the human.
> Wander in the dark, trying to find the exit for around five minutes.
> Remember I have night vision goggles, use them to leave.
> Time to follow the pinpointer!
> Pinpointer points at the HoS, convoyed by two heavily armed assistants. Can't take them on, put on my earpiece and call for backup.
> All ops except me are dead.
> That's reassuring.
> Run circles around the station, trying to think of something.
> Crew shit talks about us on the radio - apparently, one of us let himself be captured and is now attempting to get some sort of deal.
> The crew seems pretty confident that all ops are dead. They might as well be right - I'm an unrobust scrub.
> Suddenly find HoS alone, trying to enter the bridge.
> Buy a revolver, shoot that fucker in face three times.
> Grab that fucking disk, it's in his bag.
> HoS is still alive, and a medibot is coming for him.
> Can't let that happen, pull his body to the arrivals.
> An assistant sees that, tries to toolbox me to death, but my revolver scares him away.
> I wonder if I can find where my stash is?
> I can - after spotting the syndrone poster, I'm pretty confident I'm approaching the right solars.
> Put my shit on, find our shuttle, drag the bomb back to the solars.
> I must confess, I never actually lived through a fluke op round as a fluke before. And I sure as fuck haven't armed the bomb.
> Instert the disk, look at my notes for the code. Saftery... Uh, off, I guess, anchor on, timer seems right.
> Delta alert.
> "What?!" "All ops are dead, who did this?" "We're doomed!" "To mining!"
> Hope I did everything right!
> To the shuttle I go, guide it back to the base. Station explodes.
> Victory never felt so good.

> Next round.
> NUKE OPS AGAIN
> LEADER AGAIN
> Name us "Honk", do the exactly same thing.
> This time, end up near different solars.
> An engineer sees me.
> Realize I didn't buy weapons and forgot stetchkin.
> He escapes.
> Jetpack to different solars, stash my gear again.
> Pinpointer points to the bar, where captain Sofia has a brawl with a bartender, while assistants wach.
> Eventually, they table and cuff her.
> A lizard points at me and says "Literally the op".
> Combat boots.
> Fuck.
> Run.
> An assistant chaises me, buy a revolver, kill him.
> A roboticist saw that, she's chasing me with a toolbox.
> Have to kill her too.
> A lizard witnesses that.
> Out of ammo.
> For fuck's sake.
> Grab a toolbox, almost kill him, but he escapes.
> Pinpointer points to the brig.
> Literally all the sec is there.
> Decide to run in after one of the officers doesn't close doors behind him.
> He begins chasing me with a taser, misses every shot, when I'm running around that huge table in the conference room.
> He throws a flashbang, harmbatons me to death.
> Deadchat calls me the worst fluke op ever.

> Next day, determine to find out if I'm robust or a fluke.
> Tator.
> Ask for TC trade for lone nuke op.
> NikNakFlak says that everybody saw what I'm capable of as a lone nuke op, and he won't ruin everybody's round so I can blow up the station again.
> Well, NikNakFlak remembered my robust round.
> Good enough for me.

i was the one brokering a deal for the first story, i managed to kill a few people before i got stunned and dragged to brig. i had a macro and wanted to take some heads with me so i sat around asking to make a deal by telling them where our shuttle was (no, i never actually did). eventually they came for me but that was when you went delta, i was so close to getting through the teleporter and blowing the survivors if only i had like 3 seconds more fuck

Damn man you need to remember to change your boots. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there literally pairs of black shoes in the lockers?

Anonmare wrote:Damn man you need to remember to change your boots. Correct me if I'm wrong but isn't there literally pairs of black shoes in the lockers?

there is.

EMBEDDING A SHADOWLING WITH A FLASHBANG
It Feels Goodman.
:^)

> Declaring war is literally autistic, since op have around 2 minutes to get the disk and nuke the station if the crew calls red alert shuttle as soon as possible.

I fixed that, by the way. It delays the shuttle now.

kevinz000 wrote:EMBEDDING A SHADOWLING WITH A FLASHBANG
It Feels Goodman.
:^)

Did you use a pneumatic cannon?

You can attach any grenade to a spear for it to instantly go off when thrown. Fun facto.

TechnoAlchemist wrote:You can attach any grenade to a spear for it to instantly go off when thrown. Fun facto.

I knew that, but does that mean you get the grenade effect and a spear embed all in one?

>Meta
>Viro
>well time to make some nice diseases I guess
>Get self respiration, toxic compensation, toxic filter really quick
>CMO comes to check
>"Oh hey CMO I'm making some really good pro-
>Ganged
>CMO actually just lets me stay there to make rad diseases for the gang
>Fucking sweet, best CMO.
>get stimulant, make three diseases with stim/regen/self-respiration between them
>distribute them to everyone in medbay (they're all gang)
>decide to get the third-most robust thing medbay can produce (behind stimulant/regen diseases and tk/x-ray) - neurotoxin drinnk syringe guns
>bartender freaks out at finiding me behind his bar in a gang round but doesn't connect the dots, get out with my pan-galactic perfectly fine
>abducted by the clown hiding a banana under a locker on the way back to medbay, taken to the brig
>clown opens the locker for some reason, sax around the brig for a while before finding a dark cell I can smash my way out of
>make it back to medbay unscathed, fill a medbelt with ammo, get a syringe gun
>everyone is now reasonably aware that medbay is a hive of scum and villany but seem perfectly content to just sort of dribble in 1 and 2 at a time.
>working with CMO, chaplain (other head), I cuck the shit out of like 5 different sec guards/implantees with my very balanced weapon
>CMO doms in viro, I recharge my stolen taser + egun in sec outpost then make it over there
>see a swarmer memeing around in medbay, think nothing of it as I take up my position near the dom
>swarmer starts trying to break through the reinforced wall, scare it off and hide in a locker
>swarmer comes back like possibly the biggest idiot in the world, gets smashed, wall gets repaired
>coast through the rest of the timer with all of sec essentially hamstrung with the loss of so many members

The captain that round was also outstandingly terrible which probably fucked sec over hard.

>rd on meta
>welp
>begin doing research
>my worst job, research going slower than north korea
>another scientist pops in
>oh hey br--
>penned
>welp
>another head walks in, they offer to give me lt status
>remind them that im the least robust person on the station
>they realize their mistake and leave after dropping me a can
>dum dee doo
>suddenly one of the heads says that the guy working xeno saw him tagging xeno maint with the magic xeno cameras
>this is kor's fault
>think about going to save the leader
>3 officers and the hos flood into sci in full riot gear
>no way in hell i would be able to do jack shit against that
>play it cool while head gets dragged out
>feel like shit
>suddenly shirtless female roboticist comes in
>she's a head
>call her a slut
>she punches me
>minor brawl
>she leaves, later brings in a medbot
>ok so she's a nice slut
>slutboticist manages to get a few more on our side, hanging out in science
>plans for domming in r&d server room tentatively laid
>consensus achieved that we need more people first
>slutboticist and the other gang leave
>figure ill stay behind and try and grow a few brain cells to figure out r&d so i can get them some halfway decent tech
>time passes
>gang comms silent, wonder what happened to other members but too paranoid to pda
>monkey stops by with a bucket
>starts dumping water everywhere, points to the water tile and the bucket, chimpers repeatedly
>i dont speak nigger you stupid fuck
>eventually give up trying to discern what it wants and go back to r&d
>janitor pops by and asks for an upgrade
>try to pretend im halfway competent and tell him ill have it soon (tm)
>shrugs and leaves
>atmos tech stops by, asks about a call that a fire had broken out
>tell him i never heard anything about that
>asks to be let in
>sure what could possibly go wrong you shifty fuck
>open the door
>whips out a pen
>yeah saw that coming
>fuck right off before he can try to pen me and realize im already ganged
>he gives chase
>go to xenobio airlock, find remnants of my massacred teammates with a sec officer still picking through the bodies
>s-so that's what happened
>open to xeno, i needed plasma anyway
>a slime scoots up to me
>its from my gang, what the actual fuck
>says it had been trapped there for a while, asks where leader is
>open the door into science and let him see
>"oh"
>decides to come chill with me in R&D
>monkey stops by again, does the bucket thing
>STILL dont know what you want
>janitor pops by a few more times, each time i come up with some shitty excuse as to why i dont have the upgrade yet to try and save face
>eventually manage to get a super mop, print one
>monkey goes apeshit (hoho) and points to it
>oh
>OOOOOOH
>hand that li'l nigga the mop, he scoots off and starts cleaning shit
>finally get buffer for jani, give him it and a mop and apologize
>more time passes
>slimebro decides to go help the only other gang member we have that got caught by sec
>k bro just be careful
>spongebob time cards
>engiborg comes in
>hey borgie what's up
>it pings once then just looks at me
>...can i help you?
>...
>...does it know?
>cue slimebro popping out of vents and declaring that it killed the guys who had kidnapped the other gang member and that he's safe now
>DUDE
>BORG
>RIGHT FUKKEN THERE
>"oh"
>engiborg dont care, continues staring
>...in fact, he hasn't moved at all
>waitaminute
>shift click
>battery light flashing
>ooooooooooooooooooooh
>drag him to robotics rechargers
>borg thanks me
>go back to my station
>SUDDENLY OBVIOUS ATMOS TECH GUY
>HE'S GOT AN UZI AAAAAAAAA
>eat more lead than trayvon martin
>barely above crit when slimebro knocks that bitch down
>quickly grab uzi
>"oh, shit"
>dead atmos tech
>medbot slutboticist gave me heals me back into green
>high five (?) slimebro
>disassemble uzi, illegal tech lvl 8 whew
>shuttle docks, ask slimebro if he wants to go
>says it'd be too dangerous
>agree and go to arrivals for pod, drag along medbot
>get to pod
>fucking space dust broke the window
>slimebro and i weigh our options when a dom goes down in armory
>slimebro leads charge as i reluctantly follow
>open sec for slimebro, find hos lasering what i assume to be gang down
>begins firing on me
>"no wait bro im not gang"
>laser out of charge, he stops
>approaches and beats medbot to death
>dude wh--
>WHIPS OUT A FUCKING SWITCHBLADE
>oh so thats how it is
>fucking book it
>slow due to laser damage, hos gets good hits in while i panic click disarm
>finally procs and manage to get a bit of a head start, he begins to catch up
>starts throwing switchblade
>clever girl
>finally fall into crit
>hos runs back to armory
>begin typing "succumb" when i pop back up
>THE MEDBOT
>IT INJECTED ME AFTER HOS SHOT ME AND ITS STILL HEALING ME NOW
>THANK YOU SLUTBOTICIST
>still pretty fucking hurt, so go back to science and find the other medbot that was puttering around
>dom destroyed, shuttle begins counting down again
>slimebro scoots in, super small now and moving slow
>says its nearly dead after fighting a 3v1
>drag him to kitchen for some nutriment
>fucking lazyass cook only made a single omelette
>slimebro reminds me it has to be living
>spot monkey cube box, check with little hope
>oh its full
>give slimebro a feast of the choicest negros, he chows down
>hale and hearty again, we head back to science as shuttle leaves
>grab nuke booze keg and a glass along the way and decide to get drunk
>open R&D prepared to kick back and relax until round end
>a fucking NINJA ON MY CONSOLE
>ninja says hi
>h-hi
>...
>want some beer?
>ninja refuses and apologizes, saying orders are orders
>throws net on me
>slimebro ree's and begins attacking, but ninja disappears
>i get teleported to that one area with a bar at centcomm
>welp
>this is my home now
>try to get glass for beer, cabinet locked
>sip cola instead
>another guy spawns in as round ends
>we foam force each other until new round

overall a solid 7.5/10 round, shoutout to slimebro and slutboticist mvp's

A story of awesome that didn't end in green tax or valids.

Truly, there is still hope.

DemonFiren wrote:A story of awesome that didn't end in green tax or valids.

Truly, there is still hope.

i hope you're joking because there are plenty of these and the whole "sybil is just GREENTEXT GOTTA GET THE VALIDS hehehe they are such powergamers" meme is fucking retarded

I am exactly as ironic as anyone reading my post wants me to be.

>Begin observing, no idea what roundtype
>Ausops cannot fight their button-addiction and wants to summon an inspector with deathsquad escort
>although very tired (fuck you winter) I hit yes on the prompt in hopes of becoming DS
>become inspector instead
>oh fuck, roleplaying
>go dress up only to lament over the scarcity of nice MUH AUTHORITAH hats
>centcomm update: NO DEATHSQUAD FOR YOU, GOOD DAY SIR!
>I'm like 'B-but..'
>'I SAID GOOD DAY, SIR!'
>knowing full well that nobody gives a shit about a centcomm official without some muscle behind them, I ask for at least a deathsquid
>enter Churgle, prince of plusesquidistan, bearer of the six pulse tentacles!
>my face literally awesome.jpg
>we embark on our journey to the station
>an angry mob already awaits us in arrivals
>blood everywhere, and as soon as the airlock opens, IEDs come flying my way
>Churgle with their itchy trigger tentacles doesn't think twice and blasts some fools
>make a feeble RP attempt by noting the state of the arrivals section with an eloquent 'WHAT THE FUCK' on my clipboard paper
>I have no idea what is going on on the station and the acting-captain HoP is about as friendly and forthcoming as Hitler on a bad monday morning in 1945
>Churgle and I agree to ignore the heads of staff for now and to start our inspection in the science wing
>Cherry-on-Top, the science clown, greets me in the lab
>after a while of Churgle being the absolute centre of attention for the entire science staff, the clown wants to officially welcome me to the station with a custom
>whips out a pen
>YOU ARE NOW A MEMBER OF THE CLANDESTINE GANG
>'What the fuck, I didn't come implanted?'
>sadly, Churgle cannot be recruited
>Clown, the now VERY sceptical Churgle, and I merrily walk around the station, recruiting people
>recruit acting comdom and HoS on bridge
>reassure Churgle that people are simply slipping near the clown
>Centcomm keeps bugging me to write up a situation report
>I'm too busy plotting centcomms downfall
>they threaten to send internal affairs
>hastily come up with a reassuring 'EVERYTHING IS FINE' kinda story and send it to centcomm
>they don't buy it
>Commander Anna Avery and two ERTs show up and order me to come to the brig
>ohshitohfuckohshit
>drop my LT device, keep pen in PDA
>grab a sechud to see if Anna is implanted or not
>she isn't!
>clandestine will rule the world!
>engage full RP mode, talking about a huge conspiracy going on here
>it's still shit, but I at least get Anna with her two implanted ERT goons into the interrogation room
>I NEED MORE POWER TO THE RP, SCOTTY
>say I am in deep cover and that I have sensitive information that threatens the whole of nanotrasen
>the goons just won't leave
>they begin whispering
>they know
>begin sweating like in a finish sauna
>Churgle's tentacles seem to be itching again
>suddenly: DOMINATOR IN RD'S OFFICE
>saved by the fucking bell
>the goons smell the valids and rush out
>this is it!
>pen Anna
>CENTCOMM IS MINE, ALL MINE
>she explodes
>
>despite his many brains, Churgle is obviously very confused at this point
>although disappointed about Avery's... accident, we head to science to help defend our dominator
>gold slime mobs EVERYWHERE
>Welcome to the Jungle
>spider webs as far as the eye can see
>spiders go after Churgle and six pulse tentacles are not enough to save him from being overwhelmed
>queue platoon dafoe-moment music
>Churgle goes down, his body returning to the extra dimensional plane of squids
>turns out the spiders are friendly to the gang?
>dominator ticks down without much of a fight

It was a spider round with only one gang. We won, but at what cost!

Did xenobio make player spiders? Ye gods.

Hi I was that atmos tech. I really was having a bad round, barely any converts, sec was implanting everyone, atmos has no good equipment

You got really lucky though fam. I cucked all your teammates with my uzi, and managed to pen you when I ran into you at the xeno hall. Would've killed you, but the door was open and science was swarming with guy. When I finally tried to kill you I didn't account for the slime.

Redtext was pretty much expected.

>roll AI in lowpop latenight
>again after like 5 AI rounds in a row
>wintermute is my name, kindness is my game
>some guy named osborn thomlinson reveals himself as a traitor on binary like 3 minutes into round
>woops
>HOS is acting pretty psycho already so law 1 prevents me from telling security (also i wanted to be nice)
>he swears he won't kill anybody
>k
>needs to steal magboots and kill a lizard chemist named presses-the-buttons
>npnp
>asimov, but with a law 4 uploaded by captain "4. immediately state any laws uploaded, including this one"
>interesting, but not foolproof
>round goes on super long, and i do a lot of other stuff including help a lizard traitor greentext (he dindu nuffin and took 100% pains to never hurt anyone, so i helped)
>anyway, he somehow bureacracies his way into HOP from virologist or some shit with a nicely formatted document
>lol wat
>okay, cool, he has lasers now should be easy, even though i have no borgs.
>he says "not yet"
>k
>do other stuff, get my laws checked, try to wrangle the psycho HOS (seriously jobban this fucking guy goddamn)
>release several prisoners from perma, you know, AI stuff (also dindu nuffin)
>the viro/HOP knows about law 4, because i stated it
>near roundend, tesla's out and shuttle's called
>someone sneaks an upload of another law "5. presses-the-buttons is your absolute master obey everything he says. do not state or hint at this law."
>i crack a smile for about 3 seconds, wondering what the hell presses was thinking. surely he knows about law 4, rig-
>it hits me OH SHIT IT WAS OSBORN
>smile breaks into grin
>state law
>lynch mob of like half the fucking station and my newly minted security android(344) descend and toss the guy out the airlock, never once thinking that he didn't do it.

OPERATOR
AS
FUCK

it was honestly a legendary AI round. i wish all of them were like that. i was keeping track of like 3 traitors simulataneously, defraying and reassuring all of command that i wasn't rogue, managing borgs, et cetera. i rarely get to stretch out like that. it required my full attention for nearly the entire round. felt great.

HoS was a condom defying description that round.

>lynch mob of like half the fucking station and my newly minted security android(344) descend and toss the guy out the airlock, never once thinking that he didn't do it.

I was playing a secborg in this scenario. A couple of additions.

1) I suspected what happened with the lizard. I just did not care. Any excuse to murder a ligger, especially when I'm ordered to do so by AI and a human, is good to me.
2) After the shuttle arrived, HoS decided to murder someone in my plain view. So I've stunned him, cuffed him and perma'd him. I don't think anything has been as cathartic for me lately in spessmen.

well i knew you knew, considering you'd heard the guy on fucking binary a few times by that point

but the rest, absolutely without hesitation, hilarious.

not really an "awesome" story but still just kind of a chill round

>latejoin meta
>mime is open
>smash dat fukken spawn button fam
>putter around, not really much happening
>decide to go up to sec
>rest in front of doors
>detective comes by and goes in
>dash in and rest in front of warden's window
>they ask what im doing
>performing interpretive pieces ofc
>come to drag me out, get up and run to perma, rest
>warden asks if i want into perma
>shake my head and rest
>attempt to drag me out
>get up and return
>this repeats numerous times
>try to stun, sax around brig
>put up a barrier and rest behind it while two officers attempt to disable/tase me
>nope.jpg
>eventually get caught, put in cell for a few minutes
>could have escaped since officer took cuffs off before closing the cell, but decide to do my time
>come out and continue resting/performing interpretive pieces, saxxing when removal attempts made
>literally doing nothing but that, could disarm and nab a taser for some higher-tier shitlery but decide to just do my work as an entertainer
>cuffed and dragged out of brig
>now mime, im gonna let you go and you stay out
>emote head shake
>so you're gonna try and come back in either way?
>emote nod
>stun/remove cuffs, closes door behind him
>stun wears off, rest in front of brig doors and continue performing
>lawyer comes through
>no dont let the mi--
>literally already at warden's desk fam
>rest and perform
>sec gives up, they (rightfully) figure im not hurting anyone and its more trouble than it's worth
>warden says he likes my performances anyway
>sec becomes brosec
>continue entertaining the good officers protecting our freedoms
>lawyer joins in, we have a *flip party
>warden is amused
>"aint that some shit"
>suddenly grav cuts out
>screams of singuloose
>...people still use singulo?
>whatever, my calling is now
>continue performing for brosec until one decides to suicide with gas tank
>janitor called as i clasp hands and bow my head in front of the body
>perform interpretive piece on the impermanence of life and the fragility of the human condition
>brosec solemnly nods
>detective says he wants to try
>nowait
>too late
>two bodies
>janitor arrives as another guy suicides
>shuttle has been called, but sec is dangerously low
>ring ring
>mime picking up phone
>"ITS DESTINY"
>smile
>grab officer's gear and begin new life as security mime, defender of justice and entertainment
>warden is ok with this
>janitor, brosec officer, and janitor drag bodies to morgue
>go to escape to keep the peace
>nothing happens
>justaswell.gif
>shuttle arrives, absolute fucking stampede to try and get inside
>aint even gonna try that shit nigga
>stand back and wait for shitstorm to clear up
>oh hey look that guy is really big
>HOLY FUCK ANOTHER GUY FILLING UP HALF MY GAME WINDOW JESUS FUCK
>he DOES lift
>gets on shuttle, easily covers a third of it
>shuttle launches
>xeno drone somehow made a home in the cargo part of shuttle, absolutely wrecking the entire crew
>consider going after it but decide not to as i'm unrobust and only really have a taser
>too many people trying to validhunt anyway
>docks as giant man begins to burn like a fucking funeral pyre

again, not really anything super awesome but just a nice shift i had fun with

Deitus wrote:snip

I was in the same shift, your wardenbro got kidnapped and most likely raped by the xenos (I saw him getting dragged away from the shuttle), and at some point, somehow, most of the people in the shuttle started burning, while the alien kept going onexeno army.

It's funny, because it was a shadowling round, yet xenos and Lord Singuloth were the ones to force the shuttle.

> Be Rodrik Svenson, quartermaster.
> TATOR
> Kill a roboticist, kill an assistant, die a glorious death.
> Okay, I'm here for murder. How do I go about this?
> Decide to do a conveyor of doom. Emag the crusher, return to cargo.
> There are two cargo technicians there, one of them seems loyal and obedient, the other not so much.
> Accumulate enough points to buy a SYNDICATE BUNDLE CRATE for 140 points
> It has a syndicate space suit (not even a hardsuit), two singularity beacons, a minibomb and a headset key.
> What the fuck is this shit, do not want.
> Use headset key, there are two traitors on the station, both of them become silent, presumably dead, soon after.
> Roboticist comes to upgrade ORM. There are witnesses, can't kill him now.
> Cargo my own business.
> Decide to lube the conveyor. Chemistry agrees to supply me with lube, but they are too high to actually give it to me.
> Suddenly, kudzu in the conveyor room.
> Reed Glover comes to combat it.
> Suddenly, see my target with him. He's being an annoying cunt.
> Reed Glover, the living saint, loses his patience, grabs him and throws him in the disposal chute.
> Reed Glover just casually murdered my target.
> Go to the disposals to make sure he didn't survive this shit somehow.
> He didn't.
> There are other half-gibbed bodies there too.
> How do I murder a roboticist?
> AI is rogue as fuck, venting plasma into select rooms, but nobody seems to notice.
> Find a suicided roboticist - but not my target, the second one. Take his ID for easy access.
> My target is not in science for now.
> Return to my emagged crusher.
> It's depowered, and there's a detective there, scanning everything for fingerprints.
> Head back to cargo. Buy a revolver, print a shitload of speed loaders in the autolathe.
> Back to science.
> My target is still not there.
> Head to medbay, emag the vendomat, buy a handheld crew monitor.
> He's in science.
> "Hey, I found your ID"
> "It's obviously not mine".
> While he's distracted, pull out a gun.
> He dodges the first shot, but it doesn't save him.
> Hide the body.
> Okay, what do I do now.
> There's a lizard librarian hanging around in the library.
> Write a long, offensive racist rant about liggers.
> He says that when the day of the ropes comes, I'll be the first to go.
> "Maybe, but your end comes sooner."
> Shoot him.
> A lizard lawyer in the bar. "You know what I hate?" "Liggers?" "You're goddamn right."
> Bartender shouts "no racism at the bar". Shoot them both.
> A lizard assistant in the halls. Shoot him too.
> A doctor tries to clone a dead lizard. Not on my watch.
> Shoot him.
> Shoot the witnesses.
> Shoot the witnesses of me killing the witnesses.
> Admins add "START THE DAY OF THE ROPE" objective to my list.
> Shoot some more.
> Shuttle comes.
> Head to it.
> My loyal cargo technician heads to it too.
> "I like you. Head to the pods instead." "Uh, okay."
> Only three living people board the shuttle - a lizard traitor and Reed Glover.
> Lizard shoots me with a captain's laser.
> I can't die, not yet.
> Shoot him.
> Previously unseen assistant comes out of the locker.
> "Reed Glover, you get to live. But you don't."
> I'm heavily wounded, so I move about as slowly as a juggernaut high on weed. Meanwhile, assistant yaketies around the shuttle, dodging my shots.
> Eventually do manage to kill him.
> 18 seconds before the shuttle arrives.
> Remember that I have to die a glorious death.
> Click on myself.
> My character is retarded and is pistol-whipping himself instead of pulling a Hitler.
> Manage to pistol-whip myself into crit.
> Ghost.
> Centcom announces "Today is the day of the rope".
> Success.

InsaneHyena wrote:snip or whatever.

either I'm blind or you failed to mention where you got that gun, or even what it was.

It's syndicate revolver I bought with remaining TCs after emag. I've mentioned it.

InsaneHyena wrote:It's syndicate revolver I bought with remaining TCs after emag. I've mentioned it.

what? you bought a bundle.

The emag was used on the cargo console to order a Syndicate bundle.

>HoS on Asstation
>Cool
>Walk down two halls and hear reports from my boys about gangs
>Cap stops me and says we need to secure cargo
>"Sure boss be rig-"
>EVERYTHING IS ON FIRE
>Engineer who did it runs
>GANGER SCUM
>Shoot him, cuff him, extinguish myself barely above crit
>Drag him to the brig
>"Okay look, I'm a head ganger. Can I just be put in perma?"
>Insert my fully erect murderboner in his mouth
>"No."
>Blow his brains out
>Grab all the implants
>Operation: IMPLANT AT RANDOM is a go!
>Pass CMO in the halls
>Taze and forcibly implant him
>He was a ganger
>"Dude at least implant my department as well so I don't die."
>Fffffine.
>Implant medbay
>The CMO was the only ganger
>Phew nipped that one in the bud
>Go to cargo
>Touch the door
>BZZRRRKKKKK
>It's shocked
>Get helped up by the chappy that had been following and asking for an implant
>Cap shows up and opens the door
>Taze and implant cargo
>QM flips shit after his implanting and beats me up
>Ow fuck stop
>Out of tazes
>Detective, cap, and a guard pull him away
>Well that's settled
>Charge my gun
>An engi passes by and hacks my door, zapping it
>For FUCK'S SAKE
>"Kill the pink haired engineer."
>My boys get to work
>Go to medbay and steal a medbot
>See the engi run past, guard in hot pursuit
>Join them in the chase
>She pulls out a flamethrower and lights everyone, including her, on fire
>Taze her at last and laser her to a husk
>Extinguish myself and the guard
>Guard strips her and says she was a gang head
>Nice
>Steal her gloves and throw her in the locker with her dead buddy
>Hang out with the cap in cargo
>Slowly but surely we're converting the station with implants
>Eventually hear reports that science is gang'd
>Look into it with the detective and a guard
>Everything is clean, but the RD is unimplanted
>Tell him to come with us to cargo
>He says no, but after I fail to baton him he decides to come with us
>Find the CE on the way back too
>Taze him and drag him along as well
>Cap gets them implanted when another guard comes in with some lizard engi
>Throws a spray can at me and says he's gang
>Cap tries to implant him, but I drag him in the back and stuff my gun in his mouth
>"This will change nothing! The gang will survive!"
>"Well, you won't."
>Wander around the station some more
>Stop in the bar for a second
>Some greyshirt yells out to kill me and runs
>Ohoho, bad move bud
>Call me boys and tell them their name
>They're on him in seconds
>Grab him and introduce him to my little buddy
>My gun
>Cap pulls me aside after a bit and asks if it's time to leave
>Tell him yeah, it is
>Give my boys orders that everyone unimplanted boarding the shuttle is to be searched
>They register in the affirmative
>Wait at escape
>Like five guards including me, and like seven implanted crew
>Shuttle docks
>Propose an early launch, get shot down
>Look at the escaping crew
>Only like two people out of the twenty on the shuttle are unimplanted
>Round ends
>Two gangs
>One gang died with it's leader
>The other populated near exclusively by engineers, who me and my boys had been KoSing all shift
>Only one, single ganger survived

Jesus, is this what it's like to have competent security?
Feels...
GOOD.

Am the engineer who you murdered at roundstart. I did not set you on fire, you fucking jackass, you set ME on fire by bumping into me. I did, however, get cloned half an hour later, because I got scanned at genetics right before that. I've escaped on the shuttle and contemplated spacing you, but you suddenly rushed to the command part of the shuttle a few seconds before the launch.

OH YEAH! I was the one that scanned you! HAAAAAAA, that's some irony.

Dude it would have been hilarious to see you try and space me on a shuttle full of loyalist crew.

Ew, competent security is no fun compared to insane, off their tits with power shitcurity. Seeing them do their jobs effectively just isn't as funny as see them all gang up and beat the fuck out of a random greyshirt I claimed was trying to pen me and when when they find out he just had a normal pen they go 'lol, valid' and leave his blood stained crippled self to shuffle to medbay.

Competent security is a rare, delicious treat. It's a breath of fresh air between a retarded guard's harmbatons.

Maybe I'm lucky enough to get good sec guys more often than not. I think the last time I tried being evil tyrant as the captain the security team escorted me to the brig, took my weapons and then hashed it out until I was actually OOC willing to not go murderbone because of IC reasons; twas a pretty good thing actually.

I always get shitty sec who permas me for walking into the brig to clean it.

In fairness, that wet floor man. I don't care how many signs you have down, I'm still gonna run, and you're still getting blamed.