/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

InsaneHyena wrote:No need for a story itself, just read this.

clusterfuck

Oh, there were xenos too.

Ooookaaay? Looks like a run of the mill clusterfuck with buttons pressed. Are you salty that you never once got Antag status? I don't get it.

That was like eight revenants what the fuck

Na, more like Five. 3 at least were controlled by Judicator.

Oh yeah I forgot about the name duplication bug

That's still a lot of revenants.

>normal assistant
>speaks-her-mind is making a religion about admins never answering prayers or something
>pray to have a sign that says "speaks-her-mind is fat
>rune she made yells 'SPEAKS HER MIND IS FAT"
>I get renamed to fatty-fatty-no-friends
>rant about it in the bar
>get banned for saying the word admin in the rant

make your own damn sign you noob

bandit wrote:make your own damn sign you noob

Unloved is and always will be a noob. git gud

InsaneHyena wrote:No need for a story itself, just read this.

That round was awful. The malf AI did jack shit for an hour and a half and wasn't AFK. Hacked one APC in the vault.

Eugh.

bandit wrote:make your own damn sign you noob

that's also almost exactly what the admin said after I prayed for the sign. I did make my own damn sign.

> What is this red icon near my sprite.
> OH GOD
> LITERALLY
> HoG round, my second time ever (my first time was cut short by validhunting ligger squads).
> God set up his temple in CE's office.
> Uh... Unusual choice?
> Make a stun prod, run there.
> God makes CE a prophet.
> PUT ON A HAT
> PUT ON A HAT
> We demand him to put on a hat for two minutes, while he's busy walling off engineering
> PUT ON A GODDAMN HAT
> ASK A GOD TO BUILD AN ALTAR
> We're hanging in our autism fort for ten minutes, trying to get some fucking results from either CE or our god.
> Neither one does anything.
> An atmos tech sees us.
> Stun him, cuff, remove earpiece.
> Still waiting for that fucking altar.
> Eventually, altar IS built, and the CE suicides, and JC Denton becomes my hatted master
> JC can't communicate with a god, something is broken.
> Okay, convert a guy anyway.
> Want to convert more, but CE walled of engineering, and the only way to leave is through many atmos doors and the atmos maint.
> SMES room is bolted, broken and welded from the inside. Huh.
> Our god builds a pylon. Pylon kills our newly converted atmos.
> Fucking Lord.
> JC and me circlejerk about how shit the round is
> JC tries suiciding, so I can become a prophet
> A validhunt squad comes in
> Pylon starts shooting us first
> Jesus
> Almost die
> Shaps restarts the round
> Apparently, the other god died even before appointing a prophet.
> I want my antag tokens

>Metastation
>sleeping carp gang head
>promote salts and random guy
>get 10 people, 35% influence
>lane arrests me
>realises shit hit the fan, plasma everywhere
>allows me to escape in exchange for a plasma scroll
>manage to gather the 3 remaining gang members
>salts, jay saylor, and me
>c4 into virology
>take braindead viros id
>hide in room on the left, with dom in isolation cell b
>5 minutes
>all of us have bo staffs
>random guy comes, willing to be converted, about to do so
>warden comes
>tk assaults us with a crowbar
>I fucking hate that bullshit and as such know how to deal with it, put the crowbar in backpack, put backpack on floor
>do the same with nearby wrench
>room is now baby proofed
>borg and one other officer come
>borg opens the door
>stuns all 3 of us after i beat the shit out of the warden with a bo staff
>jay gets up, flashes borg
>kick everyones ass
>warden gets up somehow
>get him down again, along with all but one guy with a riot shield
>bomb
>Everyone is down
>I get up
>warden gets up AGAIN
>reach for the bo staff on the ground because a knee to the stomach takes 2 attacks
>grab it
>hold in 2 hands
>lasers go through bo staff
>die
>dom destroyed with 10 seconds left
>round goes on for 20 more minutes
>sleeping carp does not win
also the singulo got loose right before I placed the dom

InsaneHyena wrote:> HoG round
> God makes CE a prophet.
> the CE suicides

that CE needs a ban

>be roboticist
>have partner
>fast forward a bit
>ai apparently rouge
>disconnect cameras and weld grates
>little while later, fix an apparently rouge borg
>fast forward again
>plasma and fire everywhere
>partner fucked off
>science is relatively quiet
>hell, the station is relatively quiet
>at least i have a ripley now
>"ROBOTICIST OPEN THE DOOR"
>k
>someone in a biosuit walks in and chills with me for a bit
>suddenly the window to mech bay is being broken by someone
>and his name is BORIS PEPPER
>BORIS PEPPER AND AN ENEMY STAND BEGIN ATTACK ME AND MY RIPLEY
>BIOSUIT GUY DIES WITH ONE WINDUP PUNCH
>RIPLEY GETS DUNKED ON
>I BEGIN RUNNING DOWN THE HALLWAYS OF SCIENCE
>"THIS IS MY STATION"
>BORIS PEPPER WACKS ME OVER THE HEAD WITH HIS MILE LONG MURDERBONER
>I FALL OVER AND BORIS AND HIS STAND BEGIN PUNCHING ME TO DEATH
>quit in iness

I was the AI and stand

Get dunked

>metastation
>assistant blob
>wall off the hidden surgery, cover the windows with walls
>burst into an oil one
>other blob is an oil one too
>he says he is in incinerator
>we are literally one room away from each other
>he splits while I expand into atmos
>its a green thing
>all 3 of us communicate
>take over atmos quick, doing well
>just taken over kitchen
>blow up a welding barrel near a bunch of guys
>server crashes
>didn't get to eat my greens even though I clearly would've won
Fuck

>Power goes out midround

Fug

>ass station
>spawn as doc
>gateway is open, gear up and jump in
>plasmabro and I make our way to the first ladder (it's on caves)
>suddenly Dante Smith
>on fire
>is also zombie
>immediate death
>get back up
>"now what"
>walk around a bit
>nothing happens for like 20 minutes
>plasmabro suggests we drag some weapons to the entrance and ask for death
>bring frag grenade
>pray for sweet release
>"GATHER AROUND IT"
>explodes
>FUCK ALL HAPPENS
>go back to the guns
>suddenly james sunder
>ask for sweet release
>grudgingly agrees
>bring to guns
>prepare for sweet release
>then
>fucking DANTE
>ATTACKS HIM
>KILLS HIM
>TURNS HIM INTO A ZOMBIE
>DOOMED TO ETERNITY IN LITERAL HELL
>can't even pick up pen and paper to play dnd
>resign ourselves to beating the shit out of dante's lifeless corpse until it gets back up and repeat ad nauseum

was a good round

EDIT: OOC: KorPhaeron: the zombies trapped in hell were the highlight of the round

>ass station
>lizard assistant
>suddenly percy is shitting himself when he finds an unconscious plasmaman with no tank
>get him up with my medipen
>going to research to get a tank
>crazy guys think that I'm the one who is killing the plasmaman
>go to research and ask the rd for help
>tells us to fuck off
>break in
>try to knock out the rd to get a plasma tank
>rd is unrobust as fuck, its very easy
>roboticist sees
>say "wait" and begin to explain
>attacks me wordlessly
>plasmaman is put in cryo, and left there for 5 minutes, until they finally find him a bulky plasma tank
>dante the hos sees my corpse
>gives 0 fucks
>assistant comes along
>asks about my body
>rd says that I attacked her
>offers to space my body
>rd says no
>eventually debrained
>roboticist refuses to let me talk to percy or the plasmaman before he borgs me.
>talos has stolen my military jacket
>find the plasmaman
>he thanks me for the help
>clean stuff as a janiborg for a while
>helping the plasmaman, apparently he was pretty new
>constructs everywhere from a wizard or something
>shuttle is covered in them, dont even bother trying to fight back or I will die
>singulo comes by and rips it up a bit
>search for safe rooms, lock the plasmaman in the medbay rest room
>singulo rips it up
>teach him how to lie down
>get him a spot at the center of the shuttle after it flies off
>see human about to get spaced
>try to rescue him
>get spaced

The unloved rock wrote:snip

i was the CE that round, did someone BOH singulo or what? and was it something else before wiz?

Qbopper wrote:snip

Zombies can get out of hell if they just keep walking to the last level.

Deitus wrote:

The unloved rock wrote:snip

i was the CE that round, did someone BOH singulo or what? and was it something else before wiz?

I think that was it, I heard something in deadchat about a non antag doing it.

Zilenan91 wrote:

Qbopper wrote:snip

Zombies can get out of hell if they just keep walking to the last level.

1. We tried to go up/down z levels, but couldn't. Not sure if you know this because of experience or what but it didn't work for us

2. "we got to the exit gateway and promptly got shot/spaced by sec" is a much less interesting story

EDIT: so how about that gang round where bryce the officer was spacing people because they weren't implanted and people argued well into the next round in OOC about AI laws

I mean, shit:

>be assistant
>walk into maint tunnel
>see him 'arresting" (found out he was beating them to death) someone
>not my business, leave
>chases me
>flashbangs me in a public hallway
>puts some disabler shots into me
>drags me to escape
>spaces me

I'm not the only one this happened to

I guess it's a bug that simple mobs can't use ladders, then.

>mulligan extended after malf ai ded
>suddenly xenos
>knock out a larva
>shitcurity borg just sits there when I ask it to cuff, it has 10 seconds to do so
>after it wakes up, go to tool storage
>make cable cuffs
>go to medbay and find a guy with an unconscious xeno
>cuff it, heal it
>we head to xenobio
>need to break through a table
>douchebag shoves me
>it uncuffs itself
>manage to knock it out and cuff
>scold him
>go to escape
>everyone understands its cuffed
>buckle into a chair in sec office
>golem attacking people
>attack it (after being ordered by security, too)
>shitcurity borg arrests me for harm (when its a golem_
>ignores my multiple screams about the alien
>everyone does
>sec office is open so anyone can help me
>alien unbuckles
>takes 5 seconds to remove cable cuffs
>crawls through vents
>nearly bleed to death in sec portion of shuttle
also the whole time the borg was insulting me about how its impossible to contain a xeno, rather than helping me, when it was clearly restrained.

>be ling
>get all access
>blow the borgs
>more borgs
>blow them again
>borgs and ai are hacked, go fucking wild
>blow them all up and kill them again
>kill all the roboticists
>more borgs
>kill the borgs
>blow them all up
>finally free of the borg menace
>my target is lost in the chaos
>redtext

the sad part about this was that there was a security faggot actually defending the idiot roboticists in spite of the fact that they'd just kiss ass, leave robotics, and go on rampages

>Log into spessmens
>Captain's free, fuck yeah I'm going to comdom it up
>Captain Fortune Ray on board!
>Realize that earlier today I fucked up the arrow keys on my keyboard and had to remove them
>I literally cannot move
>Ahelp like "OH GOD OH GOD I CAN'T MOVE MY ARROW KEYS LITERALLY DON'T WORK I'M SORRY"
>HBL offers to run a gimmick where I am disabled and have to be escorted around
>I agree
>The clown is selected to be my escort
>Clown agrees
>I give the clown my ID and it miraculously does not be shit, but escorts me around exactly as told
>The HoP is suspicious of my mobility clown and tries to arrest it
>I call the HoP out for ableism
>Radiation storm
>I lose my eyesight
>Now I am both blind AND paralyzed
>A lizard steals me from my mobility clown
>Literally no idea where I am going, can't move, can't do shit
>BYOND dies
>Wake up in a dark room, can't see, can't move
>Eventually die of oxygen loss
>The lizard threw me through the gateway into a depressurized room
>I ded
>My mobility clown still searches for me

>what are WASD hotkeys

bandit wrote:non hotkey user

FYI if you hit Tab you can switch to hotkey mode, imo it's better than the arrow keys but it also lets you play when you literally can't use the arrow keys

WASD moves, T/O for chat/OOC, etc etc

>join server
>clowns are valid
>cool
>spawn as clown
>prepare to fight some bitches
>slip some turd
>beat his ass
>he immediately runs and summons backup, fearfully keeping his distance until i'm outnumbered and wounded
[youtube]fpvEt6tG1ms[/youtube]

>mime
>traitor hooray
>go around and get maint access from HoP
>go to dark tunnel to spawn gear
>shanked by other traitor with laspen who happened to find someone all alone in maint
>murders countless hapless greyshirts in maint
>emags shuttle
>didn't even kill his target

Qbopper wrote:

bandit wrote:non hotkey user

FYI if you hit Tab you can switch to hotkey mode, imo it's better than the arrow keys but it also lets you play when you literally can't use the arrow keys

WASD moves, T/O for chat/OOC, etc etc

>Not being numpad master race.

>join a round
>flip-flop
>chillin' on my satellite
>everyone but leader: LET'S GO IN GUNS BLAZING AND DIE ONE-BY-ONE
>leader: duhhhhh let's plan guys
>carries on as if we haven't made a plan already
>leader: "you're not working as a team so you get no fucking crystals"
>holds onto all our fucking telecrystals
>work as a team to get his head out of his fucking asshole
>eventually get 45 tc to get gear
>go to station
>leader runs off with nuke
>that's a bold strategy cotton let's see how it works out
>we find the captain right off the shuttle
>we have the disk seconds of arriving on the fucking station
>WHERE'S THE FUCKING NUKE?!! a million goddamn times
> the leader (jalleo) took it; went to security to defect like a gargantuan shithead
>his last words are bitching about us not working as a team
>fuck you
>fucking asshole
>find the nuke floating around because the admins took pity on us
>grab it
>my harness is somehow already out of oxygen
>fuck
>cruising along the station to a rendezvous point
>get hit by the fucking cargo shuttle
>admins take pity
>our milk run ends with one survivor

Meanwhile in reasons I have OP selection disabled

1: Relying on other people

I really like playing Ops but every time I do it my team is fucking awful and fucks it for me.

My last op round consisted of a dude stealing all 150 or so telecrystals not once, not twice, but three times before we threatened him into giving them up. After this, and after our planning, he proceeded to fuck off alone to the station and get us found out before we could kill the AI or tcomms, which resulted in us losing.

> be doctor gang leader
> pen some medbay folks, all is well
> pen a chemist
> chemist rejects the conversion
> chemist immediately starts yelling in common
> DR IS GANG LEADER, DR IS GANG LEADER
> won't shut up until I'm eventually arrested and searched
> I get executed
> chemist gets arrested and searched too, given they said I tried to convert them
> they were a gang leader too, and are executed
> why do you do this, other gang leaders?

Also:

> be cook gang leader
> no other service staff, pen some assistants instead
> security arrests and wordlessly executes me
> ai ignores my plea for help, a secborg laughs
> apparently although asimov he mistakes my plea for a joke
> find out once dead an assistant ratted me out
> apparently he wouldn't stop pdaing security members
> go check him, yup, he's braindead in perma now
> get so salty even deadchat's annoyed at me

Snitching to sec normally gets rid of that person, but it almost always gets you killed or imprisoned too. I have never had success as a gang leader, and I think a big chunk of it is because of people bitching to security when the blowback is almost as bad for them in the long run. Do you really want me down so bad you'll kill yourself for it?

>what are valids

Yes, defeating an antagonist is worth dying for, see: wizards.

>Tk sets round type to cult
>Get urge to play janiborg
>Join round anyway since I can't even hinder the cult by sweeping up runes anymore.
>Grab some insulated gloves and metal to give to the robo
>Brained
>He drags me into maint
Of all fucking people to roll roundstart cultist...
>They spend like 20 minutes trying to sac my MMI
>Bargaining with them to just go grab a braindead from genetics to put me in and sac that instead of just spacing me.
>Robo goes out of his way to get one in the middle of a hulkamania sec raid shitfest.
>Get turned into an artificer finally after 30 minutes.
>Kor runs in and BoH bombs all the cultists anyway.

10/10 finisher. Thanks for at least putting in the effort to use me, robro.

Funny thing, I'm pretty sure brains can be saced straight away

>metastation
>scientist
>do science things, wizard apparently
>wizard dies, resources come in
>mulligan into traitor, i am traitor
>t4 machines
>get guardian, support
>singulo is loose
>BoH+SMG murderbone lets go fuck the world
>tell it "Remember: No russian", proceed to rush into hall and drop 3 officers
>go into medbay, chaplain chases me along with a firefighter mech
>trade gunfire, hide behind mech for cover while also shooting it
>probably gonna win this encounter
>holoparasite POPS UP INFRONT OF ME
>TAKES TWO BURSTS
>CRIT
>dragged away, heals me back up to near crit
>chaplain comes back with my SMG
>proceeds to unload into my guardian as it stands still, pretty much immediately dusted
>proceed to unload a salt mine's worth of salt in the direction of the holoparasite, hitting all other deadchat who dare question the legitimacy of my salt

My spree lasted for a good 2 minutes before dying because the support holoparasite decided to come out.

Yes I am still salty. The river of tears will never stop flowing.

MMMiracles wrote:>metastation
>scientist
>do science things, wizard apparently
>wizard dies, resources come in
>mulligan into traitor, i am traitor
>t4 machines
>get guardian, support
>singulo is loose
>BoH+SMG murderbone lets go fuck the world
>tell it "Remember: No russian", proceed to rush into hall and drop 3 officers
>go into medbay, chaplain chases me along with a firefighter mech
>trade gunfire, hide behind mech for cover while also shooting it
>probably gonna win this encounter
>holoparasite POPS UP INFRONT OF ME
>TAKES TWO BURSTS
>CRIT
>dragged away, heals me back up to near crit
>chaplain comes back with my SMG
>proceeds to unload into my guardian as it stands still, pretty much immediately dusted
>proceed to unload a salt mine's worth of salt in the direction of the holoparasite, hitting all other deadchat who dare question the legitimacy of my salt

My spree lasted for a good 2 minutes before dying because the support holoparasite decided to come out.

Yes I am still salty. The river of tears will never stop flowing.

Sounds like deliberate sabotage.

>Be me
>Observe
>Get picked for ninja
>AW SHIT THIS IS GONNA BE FUN
>Spawn three feet from a miner with a protoaccelerator
>Die in milliseconds

Immad.jpg

> Sybil is down so on Basil with ~30 people
> Meta
> Traitor
> Have to steal AI, decide I don't want to bother storming an AI sat that I don't understand, I'll make my own!
> Grab tools and shit, plasteel from EVA
> Break into RD's office from toxins and take AI Core board
> Find an afk and abduct them, they wake back up while I'm dragging them around, take them into chapel.
> Tell them they're going to be an AI, they say it's not going to work
> Whatever shit head that won't stop me pulling out your brain, damn mind tricks don't work on me
>Take out brain
> MMI
> Attempt to place in AI Core
> HAHA THIS BRAIN DOES NOT FIT
> "Well I did say"- this is not the time brain.
> Find AFK Clown, abduct them too
>Turns out braindead people can't be turned into AI
> Decide to just steal the real AI
> Turns out it was subverted and beepsky + lasers me to death
> Brain ghosts with me like 3 seconds before a borg comes to collect my body so it can't tell the borg to save me
> I'm dragged to robotics and my corpse is left to rot while the RD and his borg army murderbones

not exactly a story but
"What the fuck is carbon dioxide?" follows me wherever I go

mfw someone posts it again

don't blame yourself, this server is filled with dirty fucking memers who wouldn't let an injoke die even if it was in a coma on life support for 10 years

To be fair though, how in the sweet fuck do you not know what carbon dioxide is? That is some basic high school level shit

Saegrimr wrote: stuff

That was me, sorry about that. Shit was both craycray and I didn't know what the fuck I was doing.

Aw no need to apologize. I'm just impressed you actually went through all the effort of getting me a body instead of just tossing me.

Wyzack wrote:To be fair though, how in the sweet fuck do you not know what carbon dioxide is? That is some basic high school level shit

I was exhausted and extra mentally-deficient as a result at the time. Also I can't read very well. Those two factors lead to some stupid mistakes.



That's why I almost always play this game when I'm tired ;>

>be me
>be fox man on Paradise
>mulling around in maint
>break a window in chapel maint, open a locker
>find a blue glowing bottle called Badmin Brew
>go back to the bar and offer it to an engineer
>he passes out from pain, but then sprouts a pair of demonic horns
>ohshit.png
>drink a bit of it myself
>I start having incredible pain all over my body
>suddenly gain an outrageous Svedish accent bork bork!
>crew is amazed
>pass into crit and die from massive radiation damage woops
>after I get revived and fixed (rip swedish accent) ask the chemist if we can make more of this
>he's busy but says yes
>fast forward like 30 minutes
>chemist finally makes artificial badmin brew
>delighted, bring it to the bar and offer it to a crewmember
>he sniffs at it, drinks a bit, is disgusted, and passes it back to me
>because I don't know you have to actually open bottles on paracode to drink them I instead accidentally toss both bottles of unstable mutagen, charcoal, and thirteen loko into my face (the mixture for badmin brew)
>get severe retardation
>go to medical and get it fixed, turns out you can't make artificial badmin brew, only the natural shit in maint works because there's no chemical reaction on mixing
>hear someone yelling about a murder in atmos maint
>go there, 2 holoparasites duking it out
>get teleported and set on fire by an unnerfed chaos holo which sets me with 9 gorillion fire stacks over the span of 2 seconds
>barely manage to put it out
>go into xenobio maint in soft crit (still able to walk around and talk but still in deep shit)
>new to the server so don't realize that the white overlay in maint is actually ice
>immediately freeze to death pleading for help while in absolute agony
>get brought back to medical and revived
>immediately after hear about a clown bomb going off in arrivals
>ohjesus.jpg
>go there and see what looks like a hundred clowns
>accidentally punch one in the face when I try to buckle it into a chair
>fml
>get put into crit outside of aux tool storage, but saved and brought to medical (again)
>back on track, walking down near HoP office when suddenly
>CLOWNS CLOWNS EVERYWHERE POURING OUT OF MAINTENANCE THEY'RE COMING OUTTA THE GODDAMN WALLS AAAAAAHH
>scream in horrible pain for help over comms as the clowns systematically break every single bone in my head, upper body, lower body, my arms, and my legs
>die a bloody, painful death, the last thing I hear the haunted honks of pissed off clowns
>get brought to medical soon after and revived
>the second I try to walk anywhere I immediately double over in pain
>almost die to massive internal bleeding, organ damage and broken bones before the CMO shoves me in a sleeper and injects me with a bunch of chems to help me heal
>shuttle is almost here so she shoves me in a stasis bag and brings me to the shuttle, get shoved in a sleeper there
>still in horrible pain but otherwise fine as we ride to centcom
>round ends

Honestly this is most rounds on Paradise

Zilenan91 wrote:Honestly this is most rounds on Paradise

stories like these are the only reason i would ever want a more complicated medical system, that shit sounds hilarious