/tg/Station 13

y'know, so he doesn't start a greytide and get his ass jobbanned
yes, i'm speaking from experience
don't h8 me for it
also woo first post
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HoP ALL ACCESS GUIDELINES
By the HoP.
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IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF SECURITY OR YOU ARE A HEAD OF A DEPARTMENT
You are all good.
Just try not to damage stuff.
(note:security officers don't get "true" all-access, as they can't get into command areas. that goes to the detective. sorry guys.)
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IF YOU'RE NOT SECURITY/NOT A HEAD OF A DEPARTMENT
Do something that says you DESERVE to get all access.
You are simply not trustworthy otherwise.
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IF YOU'RE AN ASSISTANT
No.
Just no.
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IF YOU'RE PLANNING ON GREYTIDING/RIOTING

Fuck you.
I hope your family dies. I hope you have to read Woody's got Wood. I hope you get tortured endlessly by Nar-Sie. I hope the Syndicate takes you as their prisoner and makes you rot for all eternity. I hope you get raped endlessly. I hope you are forced to got to Clown Hell. I hope you have everything you know and love taken from you.
Throw yourself out the airlock and make yourself useful. You're a waste of resources and air.
Fuck.
You.
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IF YOU'RE A XENO RACE
You unfortunately can't just waltz in and be like "HURR DURR I"M DA CAPTAIN NOW HUR DURR", as "liggers" as they are called(or "gasheads") can't be in any heads of any department due to Nanotrasen law. Sorry.
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IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SYNDICATE, BLOOD CULT, CLOCKWORK CULT, ETC. AND ARE WORKING AGAINST THE STATION
Please go away.
You make me uncomfortable.
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IF YOU'RE A XENO, SPIDER, ETC. AND YOU WANT TO MAKE MORE FOR YOUR BUDDIES
Ha Ha! You can't use the terminal! NYAH NYAH NYEH NYAH NYAAAAH!
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IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SYNDICATE, BLOOD CULT, CLOCKWORK CULT, ETC. AND ARE WORKING AGAINST THE STATION AND I'M DEAD
Same deal as above.
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IF YOU'RE A MEMBER OF THE SYNDICATE, BLOOD CULT, CLOCKWORK CULT, ETC. AND ARE WORKING AGAINST THE STATION AND I'M DEAD AND YOU HAVE MY ID CARD/MY ID CARD IS STILL IN THE MACHINE
Congrats.
You can make your buddies all access passes for days.
Are you happy with yourself?
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IF YOU'RE EITHER THE CLOWN OR THE MIME AND YOU'RE NOT A TRAITOR
Read the assistants section.
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IF YOU'RE THE CAPTAIN AND YOU'RE LOOKING FOR AN ALL-ACCESS PASS FOR SOME REASON
Bruh.
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IF YOU JUST STUMBLED UPON MY CORPSE AND MY CARD IS STILL IN THE MACHINE
There are 2 things to consider here:
If you are an assistant sabotaging:
Look at the greytiders section of this.
If you're not:
Please don't hand these things out like candy.
if i'm dead, shit's probably hit the fan(or security came over and beat my ass for whatever reason) and spamming all access cards will only heighten the chaos.
You CAN, however, give yourself all access. I'm fine with that.
Hell, you could even take my place.
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IF YOU'RE IAN
Who's a cute lil doggo YOU IS! YESH YOU ISH!
Oh, does the lil doggo want a all-access pass?
Sit!
Staay`!
GOOD BOY! Here, catch!
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IF YOU'VE READ THIS TO THE VERY BOTTOM AND READ EVERY WORD
Congrats! You deserve a good promotion of your choice!
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IF YOU DIDN'T AND YOU JUST SKIMMED
No promotion for you.
Not sorry.

IF YOU'RE EITHER THE CLOWN OR THE MIME AND YOU'RE NOT A TRAITOR
If you promise not to either annoy the hell out of everyone or build invisible walls everywhere, it's all yours.

I request that you amend this to fit under the "Assistant" section. Honkscum do not deserve all-access any more than average greyscum. I am quite sick of having to abandon my job to deal with the dang clown printing off and stealing expensive stuff, leaving R&D with nothing. It sucks even more because honkscum tend to be robust, veteran players that will easily defeat you in combat. When he wins, he will take MORE stuff as punishment for trying to stop him.

>handing out all-access to security
>handing out all-access to fellow headstaff
You disgust me.

Secirity should get standard department access rather than all. Detective should get all.

DemonFiren wrote:>handing out all-access to security
>handing out all-access to fellow headstaff
You disgust me.

They are the more...
ahem
"trustworthy" staff of the station.

Gun Hog wrote:I request that you amend this to fit under the "Assistant" section. Honkscum do not deserve all-access any more than average greyscum. I am quite sick of having to abandon my job to deal with the dang clown printing off and stealing expensive stuff, leaving R&D with nothing. It sucks even more because honkscum tend to be robust, veteran players that will easily defeat you in combat. When he wins, he will take MORE stuff as punishment for trying to stop him.

Oh, so no access for them?
k.

Reece wrote:*Security should get standard department access rather than all. Detective should get all.

So, give security all but command access, and give detective all?
Gotcha.

Here, some more concise guidelines:

Is there a threat to the station that could possibly result in its destruction or the death of its crew(IE: a blob, ops, a strong cult, etc.)?

• Yes: Hand out extended access to trustworthy (heads, security, implanted) crewmen.

• No: Don't hand out all access you idiot.

Would you do this (give sec all access) if sec could be traitor?

So if you kill an officer, you not only get a rad disguise and the nigh unstoppable taser, but you get all access? Not the greatest system you have.

Wait a minute aren't you that guy Alph jobbanned from hop yesterday >.>

ExcessiveCobblestone wrote:Would you do this (give sec all access) if sec could be traitor?

Lazengann wrote:So if you kill an officer, you not only get a rad disguise and the nigh unstoppable taser, but you get all access? Not the greatest system you have.

These are kinda meant to be guidelines for newbz(on both sides), hence why it doesn't mention the more complicated stuff.

ExcessiveCobblestone wrote:Wait a minute aren't you that guy Alph jobbanned from hop yesterday >.>

...yes.
First time i was warned:Did it intentionally, trying to be nice.
Second time i was warned and temporarily jobbanned: I was trying to be more restricted and i didn't hand it out to assistants(plus i was doing my job correctly otherwise). They got their hands on it anyway. I was jobbanned. I will serve my sentence. End of story.

New players shouldn't be playing HoP in the first place

How passive (or not even passive) aggressive can you be when you literally code in a note to spawn in someones job inventory that says

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOUR ACCESS

DON'T BE A MORON

because nobody IC or OOC enforces the actions of HOP's enough to not cause regular drama from mismanagement?

FantasticFwoosh wrote:How passive (or not even passive) aggressive can you be when you literally code in a note to spawn in someones job inventory that says

FUCK YOU

FUCK YOUR ACCESS

DON'T BE A MORON

because nobody IC or OOC enforces the actions of HOP's enough to not cause regular drama from mismanagement?

what does this mean

HOP should not be the central seat of power for all ID card functions, it should require the heads to add on additional job areas (xenobiology & toxins for instance) from their respective departmental consoles. Since those can also demote their local area (scientist being extremely shit, IC eject them from science, demote the card from RD office, throw them out.)

• There should be a special command-staff console on the bridge for outputting command esque access respectively, with bridge being the only accessible command access initially from HOP computer, also severely nerfs the PDA portable to only having HOP functions.

---

If you want all access you have to run through different consoles, OR steal a existing all access (and/or dupe that with a agent card) and hence HOP's getting dunked early in the round/id looted is negated in severity and local heads get more power to manage their staff.

>Giving Sec all access because "dey can't be antagz!!!111!!!"

Antag-immune security was a mistake.

huehuehue wrote:

Reece wrote:*Security should get standard department access rather than all. Detective should get all.

So, give security all but command access, and give detective all?
Gotcha.

No.

Generic all access, as in all civillian level access to the kitchen, garden, botany, etc.

Then all basic department access to engineering foyer, science, medical and security. But the individual departments such as virology remain sealed.

Its still not a good idea because of how easy it is to drop a officer.

That and it only encourages meta-gamers & shitcurity in sec to force access to these areas, seize all the dangerous/meta requirement goods for themselves and destroy the privacy of staff who work there. If you want a door-opener ask the AI or a borg.

>there are officers who play the game without carrying tools and knowing the wires

if you can't even do basic assistantry how can they expect to be a good officer??

imblyings wrote:>there are officers who play the game without carrying tools and knowing the wires

if you can't even do basic assistantry how can they expect to be a good officer??

Not asking a AI or a engineer to do it safely with gloves, greyshirts wearing red breaking into areas etc etc. The CE has a blatent chart of wirecolors they could probably just notekeeper a paper memo of to show to others later like imparting that knowledge on other heads.

This is not an idea, moving

I cannot comprehend the purpose of this thread

>doing your job as a HoP

Why do you even pretend you know how the hop should function?
This is why you're banned .

Not a SINGLE FUCKING PERSON OTHER THAN THE CAPTAIN has roundstart all access, and for good reason.
No, heads of staff neither deserve nor require AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, security neither deserves nor requires AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, YOU neither deserve nor require all access roundstart without a very good reason and I've seen and brigged hops myself for that if they choose to be an asshole with it.
No, you getting banned for derailing rounds repeatedly doesn't mean you should come and rant about how hop the position you were banned from should be played by others.

the only reason i play warden is so i can catch all access hop's armoring up in the armory roundstart and blast them to death with my shotty as they say "WARDEN ROUGE" or "I HAVE ACCESS WAIT"

Roll HOP to just be a all access greyshirt standing in for a captain that might already be present 24/7 before going through the captains personal locker to steal their clothes/objects and raiding the armory/sec for stuff in order to secure the best station side meta-gear. #JustHoPThings

[youtube]-dJolYw8tnk[/youtube]

kevinz000 wrote:Not a SINGLE FUCKING PERSON OTHER THAN THE CAPTAIN has roundstart all access, and for good reason.
No, heads of staff neither deserve nor require AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, security neither deserves nor requires AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, YOU neither deserve nor require all access roundstart without a very good reason and I've seen and brigged hops myself for that if they choose to be an asshole with it.
No, you getting banned for derailing rounds repeatedly doesn't mean you should come and rant about how hop the position you were banned from should be played by others.

Rude dude here

Where is his ball of reactive teleporting yarn

haha damn kev is pissed?

what if you're lisa/runtime/poly/another pet

Wow.
Lotsa shiz happened while i buggered off.
Anyways...

bandit wrote:what if you're lisa/runtime/poly/another pet

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

kevinz000 wrote:Not a SINGLE FUCKING PERSON OTHER THAN THE CAPTAIN has roundstart all access, and for good reason.
No, heads of staff neither deserve nor require AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, security neither deserves nor requires AA roundstart without a very good reason.
No, YOU neither deserve nor require all access roundstart without a very good reason and I've seen and brigged hops myself for that if they choose to be an asshole with it.
No, you getting banned for derailing rounds repeatedly doesn't mean you should come and rant about how hop the position you were banned from should be played by others.

Well, whatever you think. I ain't against you here.

kevinz000 wrote:Why do you even pretend you know how the hop should function?
This is why you're banned .

Apologies, but i'm not trying to pretend. Again, whatever you think.

danno wrote:I cannot comprehend the purpose of this thread

At the moment i'm typing this, neither can i.


I'll just leave this thread open for people(me included now) to laugh at.
Looking over some of the stuff i mentioned, now they seem ridiculous.
...
Ok, well, not ALL of them are ridiculous, but you get what i mean.
Anyways, now i shall bugger off for a long while and maybe come back once in a while to see what happened.
Bye.

Yeah beat him up!

Wait, I missed it?