Mildly interesting stories that aren't really that special

[huehuehue]

i'll start

Spoiler:

join as assistant
grab tools for ghettoest doorhackimg
doorhack and explore for a while
come across 2 doors in science
successfully cut test light wire
use crowbar
*begins unhinging door instead of opening it*
what
ok then
*same thing happens with other door*
begin moving doors out of way
dude comes in, sees me
calls me out
try to clarify on radio
dunno if it worked
roumd progresses and then ends
nothing really happened to me

[Anonmare]

I'm pretty sure that happens if both test wires are cut and the maintenance panel is open since it thinks you're deconstructing the door

[huehuehue]

I'm pretty sure that happens if both test wires are cut and the maintenance panel is open since it thinks you're deconstructing the door

i remember only cutting one, though my memory may fail me

[oranges]

it's every story

[CitrusGender]

wtf

nobody cares about mildly interestign stories

why does this thread even exist

[oranges]

if nobody cared this entire site wouldn't exist you dumb

[CitrusGender]

if nobody cared this entire site wouldn't exist you dumb

but it doesn't exist?

I built this website myself and I made 44 hundred accounts just so I could respond to myself

[naltronix]

henlo i am citrusBot 1.0 and i'll be your slave for today
what shall it be?

[Pascal125]

It is all a dream...

Ẁ̴̘͝a̷̢͙̤͔̝͓̹̗̼k̤̺͈̟̼͕̞̀͞ͅe̘̺ ̧̗͇̠͚͍̀͢u̴͓̣̬̰͈̭̩͘p̢͈͍̘̹͈̮̀̀

I'd tell some of my stories but i dunno if they're that interesting.

[Anonmare]

The administration has a secret system, a Machine, that shitposts on us every hour of every day. I know because I built it. I built the machine to get (yous) but it shitposts on everything Ordinary posts involving ordinary people, people like you. Posts the administration consider "irrelevant". They wouldn't act so I decided I would. But I needed a partner, someone with the skills to post memes. Hunted by the moderators, we work in secret. You'll never find us, but poster or shitposter, if your (you)'s are up... we'll find *you*.

[Nabski]

I tried using the hand teleporter to send lavaland mobs onto the station. Eyeballs and legion were the easiest to send, goliaths had a tendency to return.

I sent the blood drunk miner then it ?????.

I sent legion and it came back out the portal about 5 times, until I thought it was at last stuck on the station when it instead just went out of light range.

The shuttle was coming and with my greentext safe I went to board the shuttle. With three seconds until it docks I am standing by the doors and the clown uses the honk mech to push me into space, where I fumble, panic, and get crushed by the shuttle. I had been the one to bring back the bananaium and ran into the clown telling him to get it built.


Following this shift the HoP gave me all access when I went for a job change, the original captain had changed into a silly outfit and I was able to go double captain with him. We gulaged the HoP for killing renault, then I mostly just was a harmless HoP until it was bedtime.

[AnonymousNow]

>Wizard lowpop round
>Wizard bones pretty well
>Crew are eyeing up the golem shuttle
>High probability of Wizard Station vs Golem Planet shenanigans
>Rarely get to do something like this, so pretty excited

>Shuttle is called
>Shuttle will arrive in 0 minutes
>Wizard conveniently on that shuttle
>Shuttle will leave in 0 minutes
>Wizard greentexts.

>Wizard adminhelped to make the shuttle come quicker.
>Wizard player was also admin.
>Round lasted eight minutes.

[huehuehue]

bee you ehm pee

[Okand37]

(F) [Common] Gabriel Eggson exclaims, "Hey AI, you're a city-livin' yellow bellied mama's boy!"
MiniSat Maintenance closes on Gabriel Eggson, crushing them!

[huehuehue]

bee you ehm pee

>bumping your own objectively shit thread

mso add a sage option already

aren't all threads shit in the end

[AnonymousNow]

bee you ehm pee

>bumping your own objectively shit thread

mso add a sage option already

When can we send individual posts to the shed?

[PKPenguin321]

bee you ehm pee

>bumping your own objectively shit thread

mso add a sage option already

When can we send individual posts to the shed?

i can try
it kind of worked

[huehuehue]

bee you ehm pee

>bumping your own objectively shit thread

mso add a sage option already

When can we send individual posts to the shed?

i can try
it kind of worked

whew

[Deitus]

>Wizard lowpop round
>Wizard bones pretty well
>Crew are eyeing up the golem shuttle
>High probability of Wizard Station vs Golem Planet shenanigans
>Rarely get to do something like this, so pretty excited

>Shuttle is called
>Shuttle will arrive in 0 minutes
>Wizard conveniently on that shuttle
>Shuttle will leave in 0 minutes
>Wizard greentexts.

>Wizard adminhelped to make the shuttle come quicker.
>Wizard player was also admin.
>Round lasted eight minutes.

That's something you should make a complaint about tbh

[BeeSting12]

Its not interesting until you name and shame the admins involved

[CitrusGender]

actually wait there might be a use for this thread anyways

>be syndie
>somehow get Harold Robinson and Karp on my team making the dumbest dream team ever
>station fears my girth
>attempting to rush into brig, clear it with Robinson on point
>see nobody, realize captain isn't there but is on the holodeck
>robinson plants bomb on holodeck, realize that's dumb since we HAVE GUNS
>shoot open holodeck, rush in to attack captain
>captain almost gets away, shoot him down with my robustness
>adrenaline away, get to arrivals and take his body to the ship
>"Whew that was fast"
>Get disk, put it in bomb: set it to 4 minutes so we can murderbone
>start shooting up motherfuckers
>end up wasting all my ammo, start attacking motherfuckers with my crowbar
>literarly going around in cargo as a nukie with a crowbar beating people over the head
>other operative gets slipped, has the outdated space suit on for some reason, can't save him
>get back onto ship, literarly like 1 minute left
>robinson is the only one that comes back, have to get out so we don't redtext
>get out literarly just in time
>suicide with the disk

that was fun

[InsaneHyena]

(F) DEAD: Lane Stewart says, "I would have had 30+ maxcaps"
(F) DEAD: Sheryl Sherman says, "Lane"
(F) DEAD: Sheryl Sherman says, "How did you die"
(F) DEAD: Lane Stewart says, "I was telling an assistant how to detonate a bomb"
(F) DEAD: Lane Stewart says, "and he detonated it"
(F) DEAD: Allegra Rize says, "hahaha"
(F) DEAD: Sheryl Sherman says, "WILD CARD"

[DemonFiren]

That isn't not special.
That is extra-special.

[Nabski]

I traded to have the station next door explode, which gave the crew warnings at the start of the shift, five minutes, and one minute before.

This consisted of a wave of space dust, followed by a 200,0,0 blast, so light damage to the entire station. It managed to take a leg off Talist, which was cool since he was my target and maybe kill one person who stood next to a pile of glass shards like a fool.

I opened a tank of trintium next to(ish) Talist and then failed to kill him, but that's still possibly the best trade I've ever made.
Second place goes to the time a guy rolled antag but didn't care and wanted to be a borg, so I traded his shit for a clown invasion and made myself a honk mech. I think that was the same round four other traitors teamed up to make a vengeance bot out of Ian Smith or whatever the meme of the week was.

Then the station got hit by a random triggered meteor wave, just to finish fucking everything up.

[oranges]

be me

login

observe for a few minutes

log out

[BeeSting12]

the only thing interesting about that was a coder logging into the game

[oranges]

Did you read the thread topic or did the semen in your eyes prevent you from seeing, you purple faggot?

[huehuehue]

well this isn't exactly one of the threads i expected to have new posts on


but ok carry on

[huehuehue]

ah yes here's one i remember

Spoiler:

>botanist, a jobi never asked for
>roll tator
>ok dunno what to do since it's my first time
>another botanist is with me
>we do stuff for a little bit
>he goes into backroom
>has a screwdriver
>why does he need a screwdriver
>suddenly he stabs himself
>over and over
>he literally kills himself with a screwdriver fornoraisin
>okthen.jpg
>as far as i remember the round progresses normally and only 1 guy questioned the dead body
>i don't do any traitoring because i dunno how to even access the uplink

although really not too many rounds haves something too interesting happen in them
i usually just mulled about either as a doorhacking assistant or as an all-access hop once i was certain everybody was done with the hopline and almost completely forgot about me and my speshul id card musheen




don't get your giblets in a twistlets i still returned when needed

[Okand37]

ah yes here's one i remember

Spoiler:

>botanist, a jobi never asked for
>roll tator
>ok dunno what to do since it's my first time
>another botanist is with me
>we do stuff for a little bit
>he goes into backroom
>has a screwdriver
>why does he need a screwdriver
>suddenly he stabs himself
>over and over
>he literally kills himself with a screwdriver fornoraisin
>okthen.jpg
>as far as i remember the round progresses normally and only 1 guy questioned the dead body
>i don't do any traitoring because i dunno how to even access the uplink

although really not too many rounds haves something too interesting happen in them
i usually just mulled about either as a doorhacking assistant or as an all-access hop once i was certain everybody was done with the hopline and almost completely forgot about me and my speshul id card musheen




don't get your giblets in a twistlets i still returned when needed

To access your uplink, you get a memory in your notes to either use a pen, your PDA, or your radio depending on your settings. If its a PDA, it'll give you a code to set your ringtone message to, radio will give you a frequency, and a pen will give you a degree.

[huehuehue]

ah yes here's one i remember

Spoiler:

>botanist, a jobi never asked for
>roll tator
>ok dunno what to do since it's my first time
>another botanist is with me
>we do stuff for a little bit
>he goes into backroom
>has a screwdriver
>why does he need a screwdriver
>suddenly he stabs himself
>over and over
>he literally kills himself with a screwdriver fornoraisin
>okthen.jpg
>as far as i remember the round progresses normally and only 1 guy questioned the dead body
>i don't do any traitoring because i dunno how to even access the uplink

although really not too many rounds haves something too interesting happen in them
i usually just mulled about either as a doorhacking assistant or as an all-access hop once i was certain everybody was done with the hopline and almost completely forgot about me and my speshul id card musheen




don't get your giblets in a twistlets i still returned when needed

To access your uplink, you get a memory in your notes to either use a pen, your PDA, or your radio depending on your settings. If its a PDA, it'll give you a code to set your ringtone message to, radio will give you a frequency, and a pen will give you a degree.

i know that now, that story was from back when i was a noob to ss13 in general

[bandit]

finally did a mime joke I liked

the CMO made a suit sensor announcement about "don't get scale rot, remember to wrap your tool" so I got a toolbox and the package wrapper from assistant storage, went to medbay, and wrapped the tools inside one by one in front of the CMO

[TheWiznard]

scruffy attacks the grille with the shard
poly grabs the shard from scruffy's hand
scruffy kicks the grille
BZZT

once I was in escape on box station during a meteor round that was just starting so there were only a few meteors
I said on the radio " ain't no meteor in the world that can stop me"
and 1.5 seconds later a meteor careened through escape directly at me gibbing me

once during cult I was miner, old miner so space suit
mehki I beleve was a scientist and had bombs around the station
I found two and disarmed them and re built it with a timer
I was about the only person not cultist during like 60 pop ran onto the shuttle as it was leaving and activated the bombs
as I was not banned you can tell that the time where I did this tg was still saveable

I was ai during a special admin event where the admin was an alien hunter or something that would fade in or out the more people that believed in it existing during the round
I being an ai tell the crew that aliens don't exist and I forget the character but pretty sure it was ckey allura who was an admin too or something I believe, anyway they kept saying aliens did exist and her and another person wound up in my core imploring that aliens exist while the alien is also in the core incorpral and I kept saying it didn't

I forget if I was a clown or a mime, but I went to the hop for department access for a gimmick and the hop instead arrests me demanding to know why my pda can "infect" other pda's thinking I'm a traitor or something before perma'ing me, years ago don't remember the specifics too well

[huehuehue]

here's another one from yesterday

Spoiler:

>latejoin
>spawn as syndie comms agent
>mull around for a bit
>get bored
>pray for something else to do
>cedar's online
>informed of a machine that i can use to mess with the crew
>find it, can't figure out how to turn it on
>suddenly asked if i can handle responsibility
>"ok"
>suddenly gibbed
>suddenly drone
>suddenly in bed and then turned into captain
>ohok.jpeg
>"good meme"
>rest of round goes fine, which is weird considering i'm a comdom usually although it was probably lowpop and the crew generally being bored
>virtually the only thing interesting happening after that was i got to experience my first slimelink

[bandit]

As clown traitor the other round I spawned two infinite pie cannons.

I might as well have spawned wizard greentext, everyone kept chasing the person with the cannons at any given time for like half an hour. Even the captain was in on it.

[Gun Hog]

I decided to play the Oldstation ghost role once again. I had a buddy that helped me set up the solars and gear up to fight the hive bots. Once we managed to clear them enough to get into Science, made the hivebot ship our next goal. I built a circuit printer and some cell chargers to power them. I slapped a super cap cell in the charger, and activated APC siphons on my assembly, when suddenly all the power in the lab died completely. Thinking that I simply overloaded the APC, I went to the hallway to find that we had a new visitor, someone from the normal station! That is when I also spotted the reason why the lab went down - the APC was destroyed.

It was not hard to add 2 and 2 here; This guy had been smashing APCs around the whole station. I stayed friendly and asked for help in fixing the APC - that is when he stunned and tied me up. I had a desperate conversation with him about if he were a pirate. Nope, he was a changeling that took me to a side room, choked me to death and sucked out all my fluids. My husk was never found, and I also never had a radio I could use to call for help. He killed the other guy using my identity.

[Qbopper]

>mime detective
>Plasma canister in halls
>Stop by atmos
>Of course it was broken into
>Slap down some holobarriers and start investigating
>Take down notes about the break in and the plasma tank
>Ask an officer to get someone to fix the break in
>Another officer admits that he repainted a n2o canister to make people freak out
>Trace break in back to a scientist
>Go to interrogate her
>"Yeah I'll answer your questions but check out this bomb first"
>w-what
>Massive explosion
>Stats are read over the radio
>Large fucking bomb
>Sigh and ask her to just ask for someone to open the door next time

CASE CLOSED THAT'S ANOTHER ONE UNDER PRIVATE EYE MISTER MIME'S BELT

[PKPenguin321]

>want to play scientist and build circuits
>join into lobby by chance, nice
>set scientist to high and ready up
>dont get any of the 4 gorillion scientist slots, get detective instead
>after a nasty hour long round i can finally reroll for scientist again
>get scientist, nice
>but wait a minute!
>im the only admin on the server
>3000 adminhelps render me unable to make circuits
feels fucking bad

[pubby]

>waiting in HoP line chatting with the HoS
>ask him what his middle initial stands for
>he tells me it stands for "Alexander"

>later
>suspected ling is impersonating the HoS
>almost gets away with it
>ask him what his middle name is
>he doesn't know
>into the cremator he goes

[Nabski]

>waiting in HoP line chatting with the HoS
>ask him what his middle initial stands for
>he tells me it stands for "Alexander"

>later
>suspected ling is impersonating the HoS
>almost gets away with it
>ask him what his middle name is
>he doesn't know
>into the cremator he goes

That's amazing.

[Deitus]

i must have deleted the screenshot i took but during a normal shift LITERALLY the entire fucking station shook before the tachyon doppler reported an explosion that iirc got into some pretty high double digits for the epicenter alone

like nigga how in the fuck do you do that, iirc it got over 30k research points

[existence_success]

>be me
>get rev'd
>spam deus ex quotes over announcements instead of doing rev things

[Anonmare]

I once did a fake cult scare suicide prank with a spray can and a medical wrench and it got the real cult found out

[bandit]

last night I was the clown, and the mime and I were both traitors, so we switched around our powers. I gave him my pie cannons, he gave me his advanced mimery (the gods gave me a vow of silence spell so I could actually use it, weird how it only tells you after you read the books). it was fun

[iksyp]

someone pushed a desword murderboner with a spacesuit into the center of a 3x3
of space tiles
surrounded by lattices
we laughed at him until he got arrested
then I left him in a radstorm
what a fucking idiot he could've just thrown his PDA pen

[Anonmare]

I carry rods and cables for this reason. You can pop down a lattice next to you and push off of that, or separate out 1 piece of cable from the rest and throw that.

Fun fact: Engie borgs are the best space explorers, especially with upgraded charging stations. I once had lattices cross-sectioning every z-level for easy exploration

[bandit]

the other day as traitor lawyer I didn't greentext but I did win a trial for the AI to earn rights (i.e. be purged). people showed up, nobody bombed it, etc

[JStheguy]

>Be the scum of the earth.
>A lizardman, an assistant, and worst of all, a guitarist.
>With my job paying peanuts, I need a different way to make credits, so I grab some nearby paper and write "Playing Music for Credits" on it.
>Then I start wandering the station, busking for bucks.
>It goes alright, making more than I ever could on my space welfare assistant paycheck, at least.
>Decide to move my act to the bar, but the place is practically dead.
>Hear someone talking about "their" bar over comms, and realize they are probably talking about that boarded-up rat hole in maint I've heard about.
>Go over there and it turns out it's now occupied by a fellow assistant who's similarly found his paycheck insufficient.
>The new owner's set out beer and lit up the joint with a bunch of flashlights he found.
>Even set up a card reader to automatically take tips for him.
>Start playing my guitar and shooting the shit with the bartender.
>Talk about how I used to be an engineer before getting laid off and then rehired in this menial position.
>Talk about how the economy keeps us assistants down.
>Help out with his bar a bit, using my pro ex-engineer skills to work him through repairing the busted light fixtures he'd been ignoring, and using my tagging skills to paint arrows in maint to point towards the bar, and by extension my music routine.
>Keep shooting the shit with the bartender and patrons who come by.
>Keep making tens and tens of credits.
>Life is good.

and then we had to abandon the bar because of a xeno outbreak that had reached critical mass