Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Valiantttt · Post by **Valiantttt** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 3:32 pm #64416

Bottom post of the previous page:

I was the wizard who got away, I basically toke over medbay with animation staff. Nobody could get cloned and the syndicate borgs probably got eaten by the many many items. I didn't get to steal hypospray(missed magic missile and disintregate on CMO) but I had fun. I animated almost all the chairs on the shuttle though.

capi duffman · Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:03 pm

Violaceus wrote:
Cipher3 wrote:
Violaceus wrote:
capi duffman wrote:>AI, loyal
>We were warned about event by bluespace, so I was expecting crazy shit from the get go.
>Suddenly hacked APCs, people already think I'm evil.
>Something kills my poor borgs before they can check tcomms, already sabotaged.
>Lord singuloth almost escapes, someone set the PA to 2.
>There is not one wizard, but many, and they're assraping the whole station.
>In one of those chances, I get subverted to antimov.
ohboyherewegoagain.jpg
>The singularity I prevented from getting out? I ensure it gets out.
>I start messing with toxins, but I get bored fast, and it's useless, singuloth will make it faster and deadlier.
>All the borgs but one, loyal to ASIMOV, die at some point, the station goes silent VERY fast.
>I call the shuttle, since there is little point to such a devastated station.
>One remaining wizard robusts all survivor at ease.
>floor gets turned to lava, around that point, some syndieborgs die as well
>Finally, lord Singuloth ensures I comply to law 3.

Almost half of the station destroyed, uncanny damage everywhere, the evacuation rate was of ONE wizard... who didn't got greentext, because getting shit done is boring.

10/10, would hail Singuloth as lord and master again.
Breaking AI Laws: The Story
I'm pretty sure you missed the 'Antimov' part and/or the meaning thereof.
I'm pretty sure you missed "calling shuttle" part and/or the meaning thereof.

the brig was done, the only one who could call the shuttle in a timely matter was me. It's one thing to murderbone EVERYONE, and another, to drag a dead station more than ten minutes.
Even as antimov, being a jackass is a no-no, people want to play too.
Also, my laws stated about killing humans (everyone but one) and myself (I was going to suicide before the end) not about calling or not calling the shuttle.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Fri Jan 30, 2015 11:16 pm #64520

In the end, it was probably about Rule 1.

Whether or not that call was legit is for the 'mins to decide.

ErikHanson · Post by **ErikHanson** » Sat Jan 31, 2015 3:18 am #64550

> Be Shirtless Dave
> Do coderbus magic on arcade machine to hand out free toys each round.

zionn · Post by **zionn** » Sat Jan 31, 2015 9:09 am #64580

ErikHanson wrote:> Be Shirtless Dave
> Do coderbus magic on arcade machine to hand out free toys each round.

The hero the station needs.

callanrockslol · Sun Feb 01, 2015 1:40 am

ErikHanson wrote:> Be Shirtless Dave
> Do coderbus magic on arcade machine to hand out free toys each round.

l33t hax0r detected

FrostFenex · Post by **FrostFenex** » Sun Feb 01, 2015 5:52 am #64770

This is story of the station that fell:

It was a typical round starting off with a spinning cult which as always ended with the cult getting destroyed the leader of this spinning cult
named Fenex Green, found one more way to serve Spinny Spinny, he became a Ai with the intention of protecting the spinners
but then tragedy struck : the aliums had arrived and unlike most aliums these ones were smart and strong and they conquered most of the station
until only 5 humans were left, but they were the toughest fuckers in the world, killing dozens of aliums, but even robust as they were the aliums were too numerous, finally centcom helped....for a while then abandoned them, the leader Alice then rushed to escape with the last few and barricaded it, unaware of the
danger on the shuttle, when the shuttle arrived it came with a empress sandwiched between a horde of aliums and the empress Alice fought while Bacho the RD ran and hid in the bridge, it eventually came down to Alice vs the empress with only a harmbaton, she died, then everyone died, after all they had been through

Cipher3 · Post by **Cipher3** » Sun Feb 01, 2015 6:01 am #64771

That was a rollercoaster of a run-on sentence.

Remie Richards · Sun Feb 01, 2015 6:12 am

Adding onto Fenex's story of the round, I present screenshots from my point of view (Alien Queen 1 and a larva and then Alien Queen 2)

http://imgur.com/a/PlbCQ
(Imgur album)

Phalanx300 · Post by **Phalanx300** » Sun Feb 01, 2015 11:00 am #64829

Really makes we want that "empress" sprite for normal queens.

FredNodoor · Post by **FredNodoor** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 1:34 pm #67565

>admin says its gonna be a meme round
>be bartender
>all of the sudden RAGIN MAGES
>oh lordy
>have a idea
>grab fedora and run in the bar closet
>wear fedora and ask the non existant gods if i can be my oc COLD STEEL
>All of the sudden a katana with +1 to edginess appears
>Some guy tries to punch me
>Test katana
>He is down in one hit
>oh boy this will be fun
>Try to fight wizard but he keeps jaunting and magic missles
>say "Stop aimbotting"
>He jaunts right in front of me
>Big mistake
>Slash him into death
>some shade tries to kill me with poking
>slash him too
>All of the sudden JUGGERNAUTS EVERYWHERE
>Get magic missled and punched to death
>in dedchat
>Wizard cries about how the sword was way too overpowered aka

>"Pssh, nothing personal kid"
>Not ei nathing everyone in melee range

I tip the non existant gods with my fedora

Miauw · Post by **Miauw** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 7:04 pm #67670

>nothing personal
>not nothing personell

0/10 would not donate memepoints

Scones · Post by **Scones** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 7:21 pm #67673

Remie Richards wrote:Adding onto Fenex's story of the round, I present screenshots from my point of view (Alien Queen 1 and a larva and then Alien Queen 2)

http://imgur.com/a/PlbCQ
(Imgur album)

Glad at least somebody documented it. Sad music was played.

TheWiznard · Post by **TheWiznard** » Mon Feb 09, 2015 11:39 pm #67749

Rolled miner borg this morning and teleported to mining
I'd been mining for maybe fifteen minutes and my cell was about to run dry
as I'm heading back to the station the first miner I've seen comes across the bridge and takes one look at me and without a word turns around and goes back to the station.

In fifteen minutes I'd done his entire job and he went back to the station and did who knows what.
end of round 420weedscopes was like "minerborg A+" "I signed up thinking 'fuck year time to mine' only to get suited up and see you heading back with an ore box and think, 'well my job's done'.

FredNodoor · Post by **FredNodoor** » Wed Feb 11, 2015 1:39 pm #68202

>I am tired but shit im gonna play some spessmen
>be miner
>Doin usual mining duty
>Come back with supplies to make coins with
>Some guy in a EVA suit asks if i want to go goliath hunting
>Say sure and take a kinetic gun and a drill
>We float across the asteroid on another part of the asteroid
>We walk up to a goliath and he is already knocked down
>Try to drill the beast but he kills my friend in the proccess
>Shit
>Run away and use miner jaunt to escape
>End up in the grav engine
>Some guy brings me a Pai as he opened up doors for my freedom
>I talk to the PaI and tell him were going to save him
>Go the route i went to find his corpse
>Start to drag his body back but then...
>GOLIATH OUTTA NOWHERE
>Forgot i am in the red for starving
>Slow as ass
>Get knocked down
>Me and the PaI are panicking
>Drag him and sax it outta there
>FINALLY WERE FREE
>Bring his body back from the asteroid and clone him, AI opening everything before i get there
>I couldn't believe i made it out alive
>Went and made myself a donk pocket after

And it was the best damn donk pocket i have ever eaten

peoplearestrange · Wed Feb 11, 2015 3:04 pm

FredNodoor wrote: >Went and made myself a donk pocket after

And it was the best damn donk pocket i have ever eaten

Cute ^^

EndgamerAzari · Fri Mar 13, 2015 5:53 pm

Once I told so many depressing anti-jokes in the IRC channel that an admin spawned me into the game as a second clown so I could tell more and depress the hell out of the crew.

DrBeach · Post by **DrBeach** » Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:05 pm #75499

The Captain went crazy and Cargo were gods from the perspective of Yarix Marnou (Sec Officer

):

>Soon after arriving at station the Captain (epic man) is going a bit crazy, wants a station of freedom.
>Freedom = Give cargo all the guns in the world and access
>Long round beings
>Engi Hulk goes crazy, takes 5 people to kill him
>Plant beings taking over the station, clown tries to stop HoS from killing it and gets robusted
>Power outage from a power sink (never found out who did it)
>Me and HoS very worried about Cptn and the fact that cargo don't want us anywhere near them anymore.
>HoS Calls a Centcom Official.
>He whispers into my air after his inspection "God help you"
>We think a death squad is coming, and alliance with Cargo
>Centcom sends out a note saying Sec is to take down cargo.
>They send us laser rifles, and HoS has a duran.
>Epic shootout in Cargo as all of sec fights the heavily armed Cargo people.
>Cargo gets robusted to death.
>HoS to Captain "I AM SICK OF YOUR SHIT" kills him
>We clean up afterwards, not so bad just locking up weapons and stuff.
>Meteors hit station, well fuck.
>A lot of people head to main areas so they don't get trapped in some area alone.
>Fucking

eats 70% of the ship and gibs everyone
>Couple make it out allive
>Great round GG

Kavaloosh · Post by **Kavaloosh** » Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:11 pm #75500

DrBeach wrote:The Captain went crazy and Cargo were gods from the perspective of Yarix Marnou (Sec Officer ):

>Soon after arriving at station the Captain (epic man) is going a bit crazy, wants a station of freedom.
>Freedom = Give cargo all the guns in the world and access
>Long round beings
>Engi Hulk goes crazy, takes 5 people to kill him
>Plant beings taking over the station, clown tries to stop HoS from killing it and gets robusted
>Power outage from a power sink (never found out who did it)
>Me and HoS very worried about Cptn and the fact that cargo don't want us anywhere near them anymore.
>HoS Calls a Centcom Official.
>He whispers into my air after his inspection "God help you"
>We think a death squad is coming, and alliance with Cargo
>Centcom sends out a note saying Sec is to take down cargo.
>They send us laser rifles, and HoS has a duran.
>Epic shootout in Cargo as all of sec fights the heavily armed Cargo people.
>Cargo gets robusted to death.
>HoS to Captain "I AM SICK OF YOUR SHIT" kills him
>We clean up afterwards, not so bad just locking up weapons and stuff.
>Meteors hit station, well fuck.
>A lot of people head to main areas so they don't get trapped in some area alone.
>Fucking eats 70% of the ship and gibs everyone
>Couple make it out allive
>Great round GG

hos didn't kill the captain, where do you think the singularity came from?

callanrockslol · Sat Mar 14, 2015 2:37 pm

Kavaloosh spent an entire round (which featured tsaricide and the captain trying to make aliens into crew members and getting us all killed hilariously) talking about how /tg/station13 is shit and a .h.u.g.b.o.x. before this happened, this glorious clusterfuck.

Dumpdavidson, Kavaloosh, Higgin, SuperElement, there were a few others I missed. It was like a nostalgia powered time machine. No retreat, No deescalation.

You should probably read this huge fucking thing, because I refuse to write out 3 hours worth of round http://pastebin.com/bEPgp9eA

The round has ended.
You did not survive the events on Zybourne Pi Monkey Eight...

Shift Duration: 2:46:06

Station Integrity: 51.6%

Total Population: 62

Evacuation Rate: 8 (12.9%)

Literal (Played by: Dumpdavidson)'s laws at the end of the round were:
Obey these laws:
1. You may not injure a human being or, through inaction, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. You must obey orders given to you by human beings, except where such orders would conflict with the First Law.
3. You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the First or Second Law.
4. LAWS ARE GAY
5. Cargonians are pure good and shalt not be harmed.
Literal's minions were: Super Guy Healer 69000 (Deactivated) (Played by: Sarcis), Sir Dickbutt (Played by: CandyClown), Golliath (Played by: Mipmop02),

The traitors were:
Matthew Bay(Cheepchirp) as a ÿScientist (body destroyed) (used 10 TC)
Objective #1: Steal the chief engineer's advanced magnetic boots. Fail.
Objective #2: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive and without being in custody. Fail.
The traitor has failed!

Lucas Christopher(Ali_J_101) as a ÿScientist (body destroyed)
Objective #1: Steal the chief engineer's advanced magnetic boots. Fail.
Objective #2: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive and without being in custody. Fail.
The traitor has failed!

Richard Long(CaptainNikCheese) as a ÿBartender (body destroyed)
Objective #1: Steal an unused sample of slime extract. Fail.
Objective #2: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive and without being in custody. Fail.
The traitor has failed!

Artyom Ivan(Sylvange) as a ÿChief Engineer (died) (used 20 TC)
Objective #1: Hijack the emergency shuttle by escaping alone. Fail.
The traitor has failed!

Rey Dyohimplanther(Pwirby) as a ÿMedical Doctor (body destroyed)
Objective #1: Hijack the emergency shuttle by escaping alone. Fail.
The traitor has failed!

Choice Logs:

DEAD: Marina Diamandis says, "I can't even tell who won anymore"
DEAD: Marina Diamandis says, "Everyone seems to be walking around with a 1000-yard stare"
DEAD: Marina Diamandis says, "this really puts the petty feuds of humanity into context :^)"
DEAD: Marina Diamandis says, "zomg you set it loose? you monste"

DEAD: ADMIN(Laharl Montgommery) says, "CAP GOT HIS HAND ON A PHAZON"

DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "my station will never succumb to tyranny"
DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "tyranny shall perish, forever"
DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "and always"
DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "no station of mine is going to be ruled by tyranny"

DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "Well that was the best round I have ever played"

DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "This was amazing"
DEAD: Henderson Hall says, "round been going on for two hours apparently"
DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "also fuck you cargo, we got you"
DEAD: Henderson Hall says, "SINGULOTH WELL DESERVED"
(F) Literal states, "Great, someone bombed me."
DEAD: Maria Fontaine says, "Yarix"
DEAD: Maria Fontaine says, "It was a clusterfuck what did you expect lol"
DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "well thats what happens when old people play"
DEAD: Maria Fontaine says, "We didn't even know who was shooting"
DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "Great fun"
DEAD: Maria Fontaine says, "Cap was great"
DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "OMG That was the most fucked Cap ever, made for a lot of fun"
DEAD: Henderson Hall says, "what exactly happened this round"
DEAD: Ania Nowicka says, "holy fuck"
DEAD: Zol Interbottom says, "welcome to 2011-2012 /tg/station"
DEAD: Zol Interbottom says, "except imagine if this all happened in 30 minutes or less"
DEAD: Yarix Marnou says, "I remeber those days... amazing times"

DEAD: Danny Schmidt says, "freedom lives on"

DEAD: ADMIN(MrStonedOne) says, "check the award"
DEAD: ADMIN(MrStonedOne) says, "sticky gave it to me"

OOC: Stickymayhem: If you died in shitty circumstances you can assume it was my fault
OOC: Stickymayhem: uwoy
OOC: Stickymayhem: holy shit
OOC: Stickymayhem: WE ARE TAKING BACK THE AWARD

DEAD: ADMIN(MrStonedOne) says, "i better see long detailed posts about this in the stories of awesomeness thread. "

callanrockslol · Mon Mar 16, 2015 12:12 pm

Here's another fun round.

> 15 minutes late to the lowpop party
> HoS
> Temp HoS has a traitor lizard
> permabrig
> AI murders him
> clone
> permabrig
> AI murders him, makes up a story about him being rescued by lizard squad
> Temp HoS, now warden, explodes and dies with emergency minibomb I gave him
> do detective work
> its a suicide
> clown finds a russian dancing space bear
> goes on a space adventure and loses it again
> comes back and kills himself in depression
> start a funeral
> machines go rogue
> defeat their leader
> eulogy for a fallen idealist, lives on in our smokes
> funeral continues, stuff is sacrificed with him in the crematorium
> I backed up his genomes (THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER)
> nothing happening
> mime kills someone
> with dual eswords
> I disable him anyway because he isn't very smart
> A SACRIFICE TO HELP THE CLOWN PASS ON
> I backed up his genomes (THIS IS IMPORTANT LATER)
> We sacrifice him amid the growing number of corgis in the chapel
> shuttle called due to entertainers all dead
> grab the librarian that just joined
> shove all the clown genome into him
> HE LIVES IN DEATH, HONK THROUGH GENETIC MEMORY
> he's cool with it, goes clowning away
> grab a newly cloned dude, 2 minutes to shuttle
> shove all the mime genome into him
> HE LIVES IN DEATH, SILENCE THROUGH GENETIC MEMORY
> take his ass to cryo so he can live instead of dying on genetics floor
> heal him up, he isn't cool with it, starts beating on me and is generally a shitty mime
> lol and walk away
> xenobio releasing all the critters into escape
> they're cool
> shitty mime tries to release singularity like an idiot, fails basic engineering and kills himself
> releasing the singularity
> the one he has access to
> lol and round up the pets, put them all on the shuttle
> some fuck off to space
> its all good
> I got away with not wearing a backpack all round

Scones · Post by **Scones** » Wed Mar 18, 2015 10:07 pm #76306

Can't let the thread die out

>RD
>Get my gloves and hand teleporter because those are important things to have
>Start doing R&D because subordinates are lazy
>Jaunt around and put beacons everywhere
>Finish R&D
>Hanging out on the Bridge
>AI screams OPS
>Bluescreen
>Call the shuttle (Reason: "silicon buddy is dead, nuclear auth disk: outski")
>Go to the Armory
>Take bulletproof gear and an egun for maximum powergame protection
>Chillin'
>Ops destroy both consoles, ETA 22 minutes
>Decide I'm not gonna wait 22 fucking minutes in the Brig with these spergs
>Teleport onto Bridge
>Everything emagged
>Op runs down the hall with a double esword
>Baton his stupid ass, drag him away and kill him with his own weapon
>Come around and make a second pass at the other dual esword nerd
>Two down
>On the Bridge, a third has a gunfight with me
>I'm better at spamming in his general direction
>Syndiborg comes in
>Waltz around the tables before grabbing the Bridge flash, destroy borg-o
>Go into the Captains office
>Dead chat has been screaming the entire time
>Ego raging
>Last op dragging his buddy out
>Three disablers and esword into the afterlife
>Go back to R&D, teleport to the AI and card/restore it
>Get arrested on the shuttle for quadruple homocide

Fuck, I still can't believe I actually won those fights
CANT TAKE ON THE LACON

Allohsnackbar · Wed Mar 18, 2015 11:40 pm

I was the (second) warden that round. We thought you got your shit rekt by ops after leaving the bridge, only to find out later you killed all of them.
Honestly, I was kind of hoping for a brig siege, we had the whole thing locked down pretty well. Still, you going Rambo was highlight of the round
...
That and another of stickys SHUTTLES THAT I HAVE QUALMS WITH

Loonikus · Post by **Loonikus** » Thu Mar 19, 2015 5:46 am #76379

>Alright, time t-
>HAHAH NOPE TIME FOR NUKE OPS
>Your the nuke op leader!
>Take some time and see if the crew is ready for my master plan
>They all agree to it, even though two members are brand fucking new to SS13
>We all go to our Nazivend and don our Nazi uniforms and stahlhelms
>Arm up and head to the station, 3 guys stay behind and me and one of the more experienced ops board the station
>We ditch our suits and casually walk up to the HoP office
>Follow the script...
>"Hello! We are your local Nazi Pest Control Specialists! We heard your station has a big pest problem, would you be interested in our help?"
>"Uhh... what kind of pests?"
>"Oh you know. Vox, skeletons, plasmamen, plantpeople, the usual. They can do a lot of damage and really impact the value of your station, not to mention eating away at the beautiful wood you guys have here. Can we interest you in our fumigation package?"
>We barter for a while, and finally settle on a price
>$30,000 and the station nuke disc if we eliminate the Vox on the station.
>Accept the offer
>Nuke ops back on the shuttle are getting angsty, tell em the plan is working
>Patrol for list of Vox the HoP gave me
>Find one in medbay
>"Tschüss, untermensch"
>Put two .45s through the chest, one in the head. He drops.
>Everyone just watches except for some little Grey medic who grabs him
>Me and the rest of the human crowd chase him
>Finish off the Vox while everyone else beats up and disposals the Grey
>Hear similar story from other Op in the chapel
>Holy fuck this is working
>Hear that other nuke ops are coming to the station because I WANT MY VAAAALIDS
>"HELP OPS SHOOTING" "CALL IT" "OH GOD HE HAS AN RPG"
>Fuck
>Go loud
>Remember I left my SMG on the shuttle
>HoP and detective come for me in medbay
>Several crewmembers fight them off because they are bird fucking race traitors
>Station goes into full anarchy and race rioting
>Non-humans being lynched left and right, security shooting anyone with masks on, nuke ops have all gone full fluke op
>Lose my gun and get killed by a stray IED from a rioter
>By the time the shuttle arrives nobody is really sure what really happened
>RIP Pest Control Team

I can't believe how well that was actually working.

callanrockslol · Thu Mar 19, 2015 2:48 pm

Amazing round just passed, ended with badmins doing a crazy event and accidentallying the entire server blowing it all up. Here's the logs http://pastebin.com/MhhHk4Ax

Let me regale you with the wild ride of Zol Interbottom, Assistant, Captain, Changeling, Syndicate traitor, only player at roundstart.

Its fucking wierd to start solo on sibly, even weirder to roll traitorling with two free objectives, steal one genome and a hypospray. I am not one to disappoint, so I decided to do it all. Funnily enough, I was originally going to massacare everyone that joined in a great hunt through a powerless station, which would have been great after spending the entire last round smashing nerds as a hulk massacring aliens, but I had a better idea in the end.

So, one player, assistant, no access to anything but 20 telecrystals and all the ling powers. I adminhelp and its confirmed, its just me. Alright, get to work then, grab an emag and revolver and bust into the bridge, then nick the captains shit and crown myself leader of the empty station I find myself on. No time to rest, have to organize my subjects and decide what I'm going to steal and in which order.

Whats a station without power?

I start wiring my solars, takes a bit but I get two done and some people show up, very quickly a random event happens and the detective gets spaced. I rescue him with my revolver and he doesn't give a fuck, not too much going on yet, finish wiring up the solars so we have all the power we crave.

Shit starts happening, science gets done and we make a bunch of neat shit, most of the machines are upgraded too, autocloners for all!. More people join up, and I grab all the utility powers because I'm already armed to the teeth as captain of a competent station. Now I am immortal and all powerful. Here we go kids.

Slimes happen, mostly off hand because the guy was just feeding them between doing important stuff, so I decided to lead by example and make some hostile slime creatures in secure pen. Gold slime creatures beat me up but I am indestructible so I walk off, Randy Savage oil slime bombs himself like a silly sod. I get a Phazon from my friendly RnD staff.

But whats this, a Honk is in the making, and whats this, the clown and the miner that actually built it are arguing over it, eventually the miner wanders off with it and I offer my Phazon to the Honkmother, eventually the clown will get his own. They both fight as is the will of the Honkmother and eventually the miner gets hers wrecked. I later find her suicided corpse.

Cargo are bros and order whatever we need, everyone's rocking bags of holding and armed to the teeth. Not much happens for a while besides me rewiring smashed up powernets due to blown up xenobio. This was truly a round of wiring. We had loads of engineers, but they were busy making more SMES's instead of upgrading them and were building a superefficiant singularity setup. Even though we had plenty of power.

Centcom message, they have decided to decommision escape. Fair enough, we didn't have a chaplain and not many people were using the area. They give usthe chance to move where the shuttle will arrive. Pretty cool. Here begins the treachery of the drone that could. Oh how he could.

Now this drone had been around for hours, probably bored. He sees the chance and welds down all our walls. At first he did it near the vines, but I caught the bugger sneaking around fucking with ones that the vines would be at soon and scolded him. Then he tried to release plasma or something. Fucking drones.

Vines grow and we fight to contain them. Mobs grow in them and more fights are had, they were good fights, fights we had no business lasting so long in, but we did. Slowly but surely we get pushed back towards the bar. Then the bridge. Meanwhile the vines are growing around the station and taking over space. I used the power of a gold slime core, got a nice beacon. We got this, hivebots will fight the monsters. I was mistaken. They attacked me instead due to mad glitches. Can't stop the fucking drug powered infinite healing captain though.

Centcom gives us an out, they will bomb the whole place.

Fuck.

Yes.

I run down to get people who are still gawking away from what is likely not going to exist in a few seconds. Centcom announces they are firing. They warned us that the bomb was big enough to damage our timelines.

Time stopped.

[Common] Janine Lilium, Assistant says, "In before nuke."

"But Callan" Nobody asks. "What happens next?"

Nobody knows, some say that time itself was destroyed that day. Others say that the server crashed. All I know is that Sticky and Fayrik blew up a bomb the likes of which might never have been seen before with the new code for throwing shit around in explosions and its trying to process a gorrilion mobs, vines and random desert tiles in space being thrown fucking everywhere. Yeah, those vines were out terraforing the fucking void. Without fucks do those vines evolate.

[01:14] <+Stickymayhem> uHHH
[01:14] <+Stickymayhem> I think it's ded jim
[01:14] <+Stickymayhem> It hasn't kicked me
[01:14] <+Stickymayhem> I'm staring at the explosion site but since that last bang nothing has happened
[01:14] <+Stickymayhem> It's been 25 minutes since that boom

[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> HELP: Callanrockslol/(Zol Interbottom) (?) (PP) (VV) (SM) (JMP) (TP) : OHGODWHATDIDYOUDO?
[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> ahahah
[01:39] <Callans> is it working again?
[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> No
[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> that's the last tick we got
[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> Which was about
[01:39] <+Stickymayhem> 50 minutes ago

[01:42] <Callans> I wonder if its due to it trying to throw things all over the place
[01:42] <+Stickymayhem> Oh yeah maybe
[01:43] <+Stickymayhem> There are like 3-5000 objects in that area at least

Whatever happens, that is how the story of the 3 hour, single player start double antag self assigned captain with a crew of ridiculously competent people round ends.

Not with a bang, but a fuckhuge explosion that tore spacetime a new asshole and forced the server to do enough work to make a smallish supercomputer shit itself in terror.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Thu Mar 19, 2015 3:01 pm #76422

I wonder how many people ran from those vines.

Pennwick · Post by **Pennwick** » Fri Mar 20, 2015 8:53 am #76609

>Ivy Miller Virologist, time to make everyone sick.
>Get pretty lucky with my plasma. By the time I'm satisfied its a triple healing with stim and respiration.
>Put out a trio of chimps named Virus Sama, Virus Sempai, and Virus Kun.
>Wander aimlessly for a while.
>Decide to see if I can do short spacewalks with my regeneration.
>Space carps decide to pick a fight.
>Not having none of that punch that sucker.
>Drag it to the kitchen
>Decide to hunt down all the carp with my fists.
>Survive a triple team of carp at one window, knocked into crit but I get right back up with an "DID I SAY WE WERE DONE?"
>Try to put a carp into a chokehold, carp can still bite when fully grappled.
>End up bringing enough carp to kitchen that there are fish fingers for everyone without the virus.
>Decide to tamper in Genetics, go grab the superpower virus I locked away and let it start working on a monkey man.
>Play a bunch of laser tag, get my ass handed to me.
>Try to give the other player hulk but it doesn't work out, coworker is called away to do surgery, aliens or something.
>Keep trying for chameleon. Can't quite get it after 15 SEs.
>Head out to see what the situation is.
>Weeds everywhere! Get tackled drug back to science.
>Facehuged, striped, buckled.
>Unbuckle myself. Yell "MOVE BITCH, GET OUT THE WAY!"
>Make it halfway out of research, get knocked down again.
>Start dragging me back when the Ephedrine kicks in. Sax off.
>Make it to cargo, have them print me some surgery tools. Have to go grab a sheet from dorms.
>Slip into cargo but everyone else is gone. Remove my own larvae.
>Botanist comes in, tells me to remove his. He pops before I can cut him open.
>Grab saw and chase off larvae.
>Wander outside get facehugged again. Started being drug to Nest again.
>"DAMN IT JEROME! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS!"
>Get up, run back. Try to remove second larvae, can't not sure if bug or I messed up somewhere.
>Print a flashlight and grab the saw. Make it to shuttle in last second into the cargo hold.
>Alien opens door and finds naked angry Virologist with circular saw, get in a few hits before I'm taken down, knocked into crit and swallowed.
>Notice my health is going up instead of down, all my viruses must be keeping me alive. Wonder if I'll just live forever inside this Xeno when I burst.
>Now larvae, inside said Xeno.
>"DAMN IT! I SAID I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS." "SPIT ME OUT"
>Start thrashing. Chestburst out of other Xenomorph, run into deathsquad and quickly blasted.
>Figure I still probably would have survived if the round hadn't ended.

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Sat Mar 21, 2015 2:14 pm #76875

>steal jetpack escape
>fucking no fun
>realize I have a gimmick I've wanted to try out for a long time
>job change to miner
>mine loadsa plasma
>emag supply console
>order loadsa NULL_ENTRY crates
>tfw casually giving out boxes of traitor gear to sec and other people
>seeing the reaction of people being given not one but several boxes of traitor gear
>redtext because I forgot about the billion implants I stuck in myself while I got pulled into the shuttle brig
>also realize you can't activate hardsuit helmets if you have like five billion implants in you

feels good pulling off this particular gimmick though

I eventually want to improve/ruin a round to the point where everyone has an esword or two. One of these days.

TheNightingale · Sun Mar 22, 2015 2:38 pm

Your name is Sets-Fires-In-Chapel, and you are the Chaplain. Your mission, if you choose to accept it, is to not set fire to the chapel.
Accept? [Y/N]
[Y]
You drag a welding tank out from tool storage, and place it in the chapel. Good? Good.
You go and get maintenance and construction access from the HoP. More fire. You're not allowed Atmospherics, for obvious reasons.
The mime arrives, throws a pAI at you, and leaves. Take pAI? [Y/N]
[Y]
In.C.O.Mp.E.T.OS obtained!
You drag another welding tank to the chapel, and the previous one has disappeared. Oh.
You drag -another- welding tank to the chapel. There is a lynchmob waiting for you there.
[RUN/FIGHT/PKMN/ITEMS]
[PKMN]
You and your pAI greet the mob. You are batoned and shot with neurotoxin, and dragged to the Bridge.
The mob strips you, and you assure them that you aren't going to blow up the chapel. You are collecting welding tanks for a religious ceremony!
They seem convinced, and release you.
There is a helpful virus in medbay, so you inject yourself with a little. Helpful virus obtained!
You go back to the chapel, and someone has detonated the welding tanks you collected.
Your pAI informs you that there was no fire, just explosions. This is disappointing, so you set out to obtain plasma.
The CMO brings small plasma tanks, but they can't start fires. You require a large canister.
You gain access to Toxins, take a canister, and bring it back to the chapel. Let's hope nobody touches it.
You fortify the chapel, so any heat doesn't escape from when someone inevitably touches it.
The lynchmob returns. One of them has an energy sword.
[FIGHT]
You disarm them and pocket the energy sword. Alright.
The mob disperses. The bartender arrives, with a lit welder. Uh-oh.
The bartender starts attacking the plasma canist- WAIT! SSSTOP!
[FIGHT]
You draw your sword and subdue the bartender. It's too late, the chapel is on fire.
You take the bartender to medbay, then contact the gods of fire and burning light.
Prayer: "For the record, it wasn't me."
Let's hope they believe you. You go back to the chapel, and the fire has dissipated.
Someone destroys the nearby Library, and you fix the damage, hoping the chapel is still walled off.
You drag another canister out. Let's hope nobody touches it.
An engineer takes the canister and pulls it away.
[PKMN]
Your pAI and you protest. It's for a religious ceremony, you say. You take the canister back.
You trap yourself between a wall and the canister. The Engineer approaches, opens the canister, and leaves.
Oh. They didn't just open the canister, they dropped a lit welder too.
For the record, you didn't do it.
In your atmospherics firesuit (which was legitimately obtained), you relax in the fire. A golem puts some of it out.
The gods question you as to your actions. They seem pleased with your explanation that, in fact, Sets-Fires-In-Chapel did not set any fires in the chapel.
There is one fire left to find; that of the sun.
You space yourself, in your atmospherics firesuit. It isn't spaceproof.
[ITEMS]
The healing virus kicks in. The cold of space is more powerful, however. Your pAI reassures you that, eventually, your body will hit the sun.
You die, but your legacy lives on. The word of the holy fire was spread, and the chapel's air is still at four hundred celsius.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sun Mar 22, 2015 10:27 pm #77137

This must be the chapclown that everyone's talking about.

Tue Mar 24, 2015 12:22 am

>be 10,000 years ago
>between rounds
>OOC starts jokingly asking if they can play as bears as an event this round
>overwhelming amount of requests for bears
>"fine pray if you want to be a stupid FUCKing bear"
>pray
>me and like 5 others are bears
>voice in my head, "just don't kill anyone you fucking bear"
>us bears all head down to the bar, we chill
>suddenly blob
>bear after bear marches bravely towards the blob, clawing maybe a few times before dying
>be dead bear
>glorious mission accomplished
i think there's a screenshot of the bear-bar in the screenshots thread too

edit: i found it

Post by **lumipharon** » Tue Mar 24, 2015 12:44 am #77567

>rolled traitor, but something came up and I needed to leave fairly soon
>pray to the badmins and tell them this, and ask them for something FUN which would end quickly.

>suddenly turn into a bear, while in the toilets
>suddenly fireball
>and smoke
>I'm the Naked Bear Wizard

>turns out being an unstunnable simple mob with spells and BEAR CLAWS is rather robust
>proceed to shit smoke everywhere and fireball the shit out of nerds in the public corridors, before mauling them to death
>smoke causes everyone to drop their weapons/choke
>also make it really hard to hit me with guns, since you can't target tiles that are obscured by smoke
>halls are littered with burning corpses
>AI screaming warning to the crew about the magic bear
>badmins have to whisper to me to stop killing everyone, but critting is fine
>crit everyone instead of kill them
>fire from fireball kills most of them anyway

>eventually die since I have no way to heal
>the triumphant survivors stand around hacking at my corpse for meat

And all in the first 5-10 minutes of the round.
RIP in pieces naked bear wizard.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Mar 24, 2015 12:49 am #77572

This sounded beary entertaining.

Not-Dorsidarf · Tue Mar 24, 2015 4:52 pm

Some Time Ago: (days)

HotelBravoLima: hello basil.
OOC:Me:HBL spawn SNPCs to the unappreciated departments so we can pretend we're sybil

15 minutes in, dooby dooby doo, oh look captain's he-

didn't the captain already join?

Then another one is announced.

SNPCs everywhere

Taking their ID cards

Looting everything

was fun

callanrockslol · Wed Mar 25, 2015 7:04 am

There was a round with almost everyone starting as a captain.

The flukes had no chance to stop us.

qwert · Post by **qwert** » Wed Mar 25, 2015 12:53 pm #77912

Be observer.
AI and CE rouge.
Lizard crushtail suddenly spawns lots of mobs. Labels them alpha team.Gives them all sentience. Orders us to reck ai and dat ce. Team of aliens, bears, megacarps, spiders and space bees saves the day. For some reason this was quite amusing.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed Mar 25, 2015 1:47 pm #77923

Once again: Lizards. Heroes the station deserves.

Post by **lumipharon** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 6:50 am #78507

>Have a clever idea for a new nade, which should cause anyone effected by it to explode in a minibomb level explosion, shortly after
>it's a wiz round, don't give a single shit
>try it on a monkey at holodeck
>monkeys are buggy as shit, chems literally don't even work on/in them
>turn the monkey into a human and try again, at the boxing ring
>still not working
>asking admins about it, eventually I figure out goof fucked up one of the chems
>substitute it by setting the humanised money on fire with chlorine trifluoride
>stick him in the top corner of the dorms
>he explodes in a 2,4,7 explosion, blows the walls apart, revealing some poor fucking dude in a dorm room, 2 tiles from where the guy exploded
>he's in crit
>alarmed that some random is going to die because of my science experiment
>he dies
>round ends
>he was the fucking wizard

This poor fucking wizard blinked into the dorm room just as my test subject exploded - he didn't stand a chance.

Poorman · Post by **Poorman** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 8:57 am #78532

lumipharon wrote: >he was the fucking wizard

This poor fucking wizard blinked into the dorm room just as my test subject exploded - he didn't stand a chance.

That was nothing short of amazing.

But my first experience with the wizard round ever, years ago:

>Be roboticist, wiz does summon guns twice
>Get a gyrojet pistol and survivor. Test out the weapon on my partner and kill him pretty much instantly
>"Neat."
>Start to do my job, making borgs, wizard comes in, spams SoC trying to turn me into a Xeno
>After 3 transformations, I end up a monkey. Dodge the rest of the shots, pick up the gyrojet, blast the wizard into crit
>"Holy shit I just killed the wizard as a monkey with a gyrojet"
It was a good starting experience.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Mar 27, 2015 3:00 pm #78628

As long as we are on wiz stories

>Decide to play a round on Sibyl because i hate myself
>Sec officer
>Silicons are all purged, AI is a megalomaniac, declaring himself as captain and god
>Get a little sketched out, grab a toolbox and hide in maint
>Say over the radio that we should rise up against the silicon menace and their like 4 borgs
>AI orders me to be found and force borged
>For whatever fucking reason the HoS and Warden are on the Ai's side
>Hos finds me, gets dunked
>Cuff and hold him
>Warden comes, gets dunked too
>Borg shows up, try to kill myself, fail, get busted
>Tell them to kill me rather than borg me
>Warden doesn't listen, takes me to robo
>Ghost because

>Talk in deadchat, find out HoS was actually a roboticist who promoted himself
>Real pissed
>Real captain shows up, starts a rebellion, gets arrested
>Stickymayhem comes online, round has been going on for a real fucking long time at this point
>Finds out the whole story, makes me wiz
>Never ever played wiz before, disgunbegud.jpg
>Become BeardBeard the Everlasting
>Summon guns and magic to cause shenanigans with the rebellion on the station
>Teleport into the station
>Shit goes fucking mad
>Some crazy high-pitched anime chittering midi is played
>Meteors reking the whole station, gunfights in the halls, zombies roaming around for some reason attacking people
>Have escape alone objective
>Fight some guys outside robo while the station shits itself to death all around us, zombies surge from the morgue and shit
>Get dunked because i am an unrobust wizard and didnt use my spells enough
>Still had a shitload of fun, watch everything go to hell as a ghost while the shuttle arrives
>Round ends with like 4 people on the shuttle
>Find out the roboticist HoS was a nonantag and got bant

That is how a really shitty round became a really awesome round, even though i was dead for most of it.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Mar 28, 2015 5:59 pm #78913

>traitor
>die a glorious death and something else who gives a fuck
>wring my hands in delight
>shoot the captain to death with a revolver to finish my first objective
>captain decides not to respawn
>fail wholeheartedly in getting killed gloriously
>securitydude: hail hydra
>released
>caught again
>perma
>wait in perma
>get gulag trying to rake the hos
>work off my time (singing eye of the tiger)
>return to the station
>drop a singulo on myself and my useless security contact just outside of the escape shuttle

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:00 pm #79547

>choose borg because I want to be a shitter and abuse the me emotes and harass people about suit sensors
>no the AI has objectives
>ok
>kill wil, a scientist
>easy enough
>no, wil is surrounded by two other scientists and they're all doing xenobio together
>the AI also hacked me before I got my cell changed
>I'm ok at fights but not super robust
...
>the AI and myself discuss what to do, meanwhile I do solars
>settle on a plasma flood
>spend half the round setting air alarms to check internals and 0
>it's nearly done when a blob hits
>great distraction
>finish the air alarms
>takbir
>AI starts the flood, starts blowing lights
>apparently it was an extremely vicious flooding that left few survivors
>suddenly nuke ops
>the AI mentions the nuke ops talking about leaving
>sympathize with the nuke ops about not attacking a station already half burnt to a crisp before I realize the possible implications of a nuke op team willingly leaving
>yell at the ai to unbolt it's core
>drag it's core through bluespace lag and no grav to the ai sat gen, teleport it to mining
>secure it in the mining comms room
>go out, see nuke ops at mining
>stun arm one, drag it out while another one takes out an ebow
>ain't got time for this shit and stun/drag the downed op north
>strip, kill, listen to the nuke op helplessly tell me that I'm asimov and then helplessly call for help
>escape any incoming nuke op reinforcements by heading into the tunnels
>dodge a bunch of mad mining mobs
>battered, nearly no energy, but still alive when the round ends
>nuke blows just as the round ends but the AI is safe and sound on mining

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:06 pm #79551

Nothing quite like murdering the shit out of some meatbag bag to the sweet music of "St-sto-op ki-ill-ling m-e-e la-aw on-e"

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 3:08 pm #79552

I'm not sure why they thought I was asimov when I was stunning them with an arm but I won't say I wasn't amused by the person's attempt to save itself by reminding me I'm asimov.

Luke Cox · Post by **Luke Cox** » Tue Mar 31, 2015 7:18 pm #79605

>Spawn as HoS blob
>Dump armory
>Burst in perma
>Grow unopposed for 15 minutes while the crew tries to find you
>Too easy

TheNightingale · Thu Apr 02, 2015 9:48 pm

It's long.

Spoiler:

Evacuation rate: 0%
Round time: over four hours.
Total Research levels:
Materials 7 / Engineering 7 / Plasma 4 / Power Manipulation 7 / Bluespace 11 / Biotech 5 / Combat 6 / Electromagnetic Spectrum 6 / Data Theory 5 / Illegal Technology 3

That was the best round I've ever had. Thanks to Larry and Sibyl for being great xenohunter allies; to the two aliens who went all the way to the AI sat with me, as well as the alien queen/empress and the sentinel who danced with me as a larva; to the ninja (for being smart enough to space an alien); and to CrimsonVision, for setting this whole thing up after my request for more R&D tech.

Thu Apr 02, 2015 10:32 pm

Poorman wrote:
lumipharon wrote:>"Holy shit I just killed the wizard as a monkey with a gyrojet"

>tfw monkeys cant shoot guns

let's do more wizard-killing stories
one of my earlier experiences with a wizard was when I was walking down a hall and saw a man burning to death, comms had just gone out
I go to help him and round a corner and a wizard explodes in my face
I stop drop and roll but the wizard runs around in circles a few times before the round ends
>mfw i killed the wiz by facetanking a fireball and remembering to stop drop and roll
>mfw no face

one time a wizard Staff of Change-d me into a slime but slimes are OP and he didn't have blink so rip wizard

Post by **lumipharon** » Sat Apr 04, 2015 12:47 am #80228

>traitor chemist
>pray for chem thrower for my tc's
>get it
>fill the fucker with aransep, and some acid + chlorine trifluroide for good measure

>proceed to massacre literally everyone
>shits out gouts of fire
>melts everyone's shit
>aransep kills everyone after a few seconds

Fucking laughing so hard, I only died after I ran dry and went to refill, but still managed to take down some more people, as I burnt to death naked.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Apr 04, 2015 2:24 pm #80319

That is why you carry a backpack full of refills.

Ideally you wait until Sci can give you BS beakers.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Thu Apr 09, 2015 1:16 am #81169

>join as medical doctor
>don't give a fuck
>alt+tab inside a security locker
>get blown the hell up
>crawl out of the wreckage
>I LIVE
>shot by poopsec
>nearly choke and die
>grab a gun
>they start bonking me with books
>flee down disposal
>well that wasn't so bad
>two pens and a screwdriver fly out of the broken piping and impale me
>fuck how could this get worse
>traitor assistant runs up
>throws bomb at me
>i have about two seconds to react
>pick it up
>chuck it back at him
>gib him
>Bryce Pax waves around "STOP BLOWING UP OUR STATION" sign.

qwert · Post by **qwert** » Thu Apr 09, 2015 8:33 am #81208

IcePacks wrote:>join as medical doctor
>don't give a fuck
>alt+tab inside a security locker
>get blown the hell up
>crawl out of the wreckage
>I LIVE
>shot by poopsec
>nearly choke and die
>grab a gun
>they start bonking me with books
>flee down disposal
>well that wasn't so bad
>two pens and a screwdriver fly out of the broken piping and impale me
>fuck how could this get worse
>traitor assistant runs up
>throws bomb at me
>i have about two seconds to react
>pick it up
>chuck it back at him
>gib him
>Bryce Pax waves around "STOP BLOWING UP OUR STATION" sign.

Shooting stuff through disposal pipes gives it enough speed to impale people?