/tg/Station 13

http://www.ss13.eu/phpbb/viewtopic.php? ... &start=820
Continuation of this thread.

A week or two ago

Spawn as engineer
Traitor
Target other engineer and escape alive
Try to find my target for most of the round engineering chat is dead silent most of the round
End up before shuttle arrives at about 5 minuite mark get emag and c4 take out gravity generator run to escape.
Target appears at escape nobody suspects me sabotaging the gravity generator.
Try spacing my target with a locker failed he gets back in try attacking him a few time others stop me killing him.
Out of options and knowing I cant go gun ho and the shuttle is now on route to centcom I parapen my target and somehow convince the people on the shuttle the target with a changeling or something happened guy gets lynched almost immediatly after he popped back up.
I succede.

I feel awesome that I only used one thing on my target to get him killed from my PDA but bad that it was a damn parapen but at least he had a slight fightback chance.

Spawn as Lawyer round-start.
Wizard Round, end up finding Warden's ID.
Security unfortunately has braindamage and does not take the ID off me when I ask them to.
Get mindswapped and murdered in the armoury by the HoS.
Fast-forward and the Wizard is being a retard, has no idea what he is doing in engineering with my mindswapped body.
Fiddles with an emitter before fucking off to sabotage the singularity.
He hits the fields, HE'S KNOCKED DOWN!
He slams into the fields again and again and again.
He dies!
End-round.

I am euphoric, rip Gangster the Nigger.

Playing as roboticist on meta.
Bored because no miners and no borgings.
Chaplain tries to break in, leaves.
Shuttle gets called.
Chappy tries breaking in again, and leaves.
Returns at the five minute mark, and manages to get in.
Tries flashing me before EMPing the room.
Shocks himself while trying to escape saw-wielding psycho and dies.
I cut out his brain, determined to borg him.
Shuttle arrives before Borg is complete, so I leave with the brain.
Round ends and he was a ling.

Spent the round as Ian. Have done this a few times before and normally just get a standard "Wow Ian's sentient?" and then the quick brutal murder that Ian attracts.
This round was different. Start as Ian and the HoP seems not that impressed that Ian is "alive". A sec asks if he can be the HoP's personal gaurd and ends up sitting in the office with the HoP and gaurding me/office when HoP is out. Decide that I will only speak to the sec gaurd when he is alone and tell him he is insane. HoP returns, start barking again.
This carries on for a bit until all shit breaks loose. We leave the HoP's (HoP, Sec and I) office and head out to the bridge and into the world. I'm given armour to brave this dangerous place. Captain is being arrest by a sec borg for harm. I KNOW WHAT I MUST NOW DO! Try to rescue the captain, drag him away from borg and get him far enough away. He's still cuffed but someone else helps him out. Warden is stunned by some assistant with a taser "I-I-I-A-A-A-N-N H-HE-L-P!" Drag the warden away from fight and he manages to stand again. Another crew helped. Roam around for a bit teasing the odd crew member with a word inserted between barks. Sec guard standing outside bridge pets me and give me there helmet and a flash.
I stand guard for awhile then decide to tease assistant with the flash. Run around looking with a trail of assistants trying to grab the flash. G2GFAST.
Find a wizard and talk for a while. Captain finds me again, uncuffed now and thanks me for saving him. Says he will give me his hat in honour. Go to captains quarters where HoP and HoS are waiting to talk with captain. Finally given hat and sit at captains desk while captain goes to his bedroom. Literately bark out commands to the HoP and HoS who obey my every bark. Decide to actually tell them to kill all greytiders, they listen and go on a bit of a rampage (wooops!).
Later, say fair well to the captain as he is going into hiding and leaves me in charge. I salute with paw and say he has earned the right to hear my true voice and wish him luck. Go out on captain patrol, round the corner above bridge. SUDDENLY the other wizard straight out fireballs me. Dead (well it was inevitable really). Captain announces the death of Ian and that he must therefore return from hiding (of 1 minute?).
The next 10-20 mins was spent watching a few different crew trying to take me to the cloning bay and trying to clone me (doesn't work with pets). Even though no one remember the Laziruth Injector from mining it was nice to see people actually cared about trying to save Ian. Faith restored.

Pestilence wrote:Shuttle arrives before Borg is complete, so I leave with the brain.
Round ends and he was a ling.

Oh god, tell me the reason he was stalking robotics so much was because his objective was to brain you. That would just add humiliation to his failure.

It's a rather small one, but it's interesting:
mechoid was D1RECT0R UNIT: 001 (survived)
Objective #1: You must assist the station in performing science. Success!
Objective #2: You may not injure a sentient being unless it will bring science. Success!
Objective #3: You must do what a sentient being orders you to do so unless it will prevent science. Success!
Objective #4: You are nigh-indestructable. Protecting your existance is still important, unless it would bring science. Success!
The traitor was successful!

>Geneticist Traitor
>Objective #1: Assassinate Jacaline Stange, the Head of Personnel.
>Purchase rando-bundle
>Get parapen, ebow, chameleon projector
>what the fuck am I supposed to do with this shit

>Do genetical work, get X-ray. I can work with this.
>Stalk around a bit, collect some spare items that I think might be helpful.
>Find assistant in bathroom, thinking his ID will come in handy. I kill him with my ebow, take the id and monkey him.
>At some point, I think I'm pickpocketed... My ebow ended up disappearing, at any rate.
>HoP is running around a lot, figure I'll have to lure him into a trap. I head into the little maintenance alcove above the HoP's office. If I can catch him here, I can pen him and turn him into a monkey. I flick my hard-hat light repeatedly and make some noise to get his attention. Doesn't work.
>Eventually I see him and the HoS in the head meeting room, with the burnt husk of the CMO. No idea what's going on there. They put an emag on the table, presumably the CMO's. I take this as a good opportunity to grab some tools and try to make a false-wall into the office.
>I see the HoP begin to go into his office, I flee before he can get a good look at me.
>After a couple minutes, I head back near the office to scope out the scene, and... The HoP is alone in the maintenance, fixing the girder I welded down!

>Rush in, stick him with the pen... but there was an officer outside who saw! I close the maintenance door (he doesn't have access!), and stick my victim with my monkey DNA injector!
>He immediately gets up and starts running around as a monkey goddamn
>Runs into the cargo delivery chute where I can't get to him
>Grab the egun he dropped when I monkey'd him, set it to kill, make fried monkey. Use my chameleon projector to turn myself into a crowbar.

>Captain arrives and opens the door. Security pours in, and finds... nobody. Just a heap of gear. Officers were covering the doorway, so there was no way anybody could have gotten out.
>One officer asks if anybody has reported a wizard on the station.
>Security deduces that the monkey was the HoP, and the HoS gathers the equipment and begins to head to Genetics.
>Using my x-ray vision to tell when the coast is clear, I pop out of crowbar-form and run to genetics, where HoS Azerthene is happy to see a geneticist.
>The power in genetics is out, my partner suggests I take the monkey to Hydroponics for pod-cloning.
>WHY YES CERTAINLY I WILL DO THAT
>Take it through maintenance to the incinerator room, space the monkey and all my contraband.

>I head back to genetics to complete my research, and eventually the station gets flooded with plasma and I escape on the shuttle.

That was probably my most masterful JUST AS PLANNED traitoring. Baffling Security to the point where they say "MAYBE A WIZARD DID IT?" just feels so amazing.

Fuck why can't I upload an image.

>Roundstart assistant, prayed for something silly
>Sawrge makes me the only Nuke Op
>Start with: 0 TC, a fucked up name, Alfred Kawaii (as Jack Steiner) so I'm already suspicious as fuck, and a pinpointer in my pack.
>Get a flash from arrivals, mill around in maintenance, hack into teleporter room
>Get caught by HoS
>Confiscates the flash, pinpointer and brigs me for five minutes. I'm very cooperative to avoid being perma'd
>Leave, go back to Captain's office
>There is a queue of people at his desk. Slip into the queue even though I hacked in from the wrong side.
>Captain marries some chick in the queue and makes her Queen, then it's my turn
>Gotta get dat fukken disk
>"SO I'M MAKING A MEGA CHEESEWHEEL AND I WANT TO PUT THE DISK AT THE CENTER"
>"Sure"
>Go to chef OHFUCKNOCHEF
>Go to HoP
>Become chef
>Suddenly PLASMA EVERYWHERE
>ABORT ELABORATE PLAN
>Sawrge gives me another pinpointer
>I rush towards the disk
>Hack into the captain's office
>Fire and plasma everywhere, I don't even have internals
>Grab the disk on the floor
>Run to vault
>windows all smashed
>Simultaneously suffocating, breathing plasma, freezing and burning to death
>Get in
>Like no health left
>Bolt behind me
>Sawrge drops me a pulse rifle as I arm the nuke
>Captain apologizes over radio. He dropped the disk so he could teleport out of the hellfire that his office became.
>Delicious Victory

Best round I've ever had. Solo assistant nuke op 0TC. It was amazing.

>Be lawyer
>There's no Captain, HoP D'Mello Reezy announces that he's giving everyone full access
>Get full access, grab some guns from the armory.
>Actual captain comes.
>QuickHideTheFun
>Captain clearly plans to capture D'Mello. Head to HoP's office, tell him I support him.
>Zoey Webb is there on the bridge, talking to HoP. Captain comes in, stuns and runs off with HoP.
>At this point, I notice an emag in my pocket. Zoey planted it on me, and we conspire to kidnap the captain.
>We follow him into his office, she parapens+cuffs him, strips him, shoves him in his own locker.
>I release him after a deal to free the hero HoP and absolve him of his crimes.
>The two of us head into the bridge, where the Captain backstabs me and tries to get his attack-dog HoS to arrest me.
>Chase scene.
>Finally lose him, he announces over sec channel that me and Zoey are traitors (he's only half-right, at best!). I become a fugitive from injustice.
>I lost him near hydroponics maintenance. I look for a disguise, and slip into the theater knowing it's the best place for one.
>Meet Bane, loitering outside in the fitness area. He fumbles out a codeword, and although I don't have a response I invite him into the theater while I prepare my disguise.
>Explain my situation, how I'll be tried as a Syndicate if I'm captured, so I might as well be one. We make a deal; if I get him the hypospray, he'll give me some of his gadgets.
>I have nothing to lose, so I head into medical and snatch the hypospray without any difficulty with Zoey's emag, and we meet back at the theater, where I pass him the hypospray and he gives me... another emag.
>Head to arrivals to fix up my ID to complete the disguise, use the sec records console there to set lots of people to arrest at random, hoping to get Beepsky deactivated and to disorient security.
>Label my second emag as "gift to cargo" and throw it into the cargo bay when nobody is around
>The singularity is released, and eats the escape shuttle hall. As the time to embark nears, I head to the arrivals-wing pods, where... everyone in the available pod is laying on each other nude. I cast off my clothing, feeling safe in the knowledge that if the captain or any of his lackeys try to pull me out, they'll have to fish through a pile of sausage first.

I don't think I've never cooperated with the Syndicate that much, especially without even being one myself. The hilarious thing is that the Syndi honored his agreement, while the captain broke his word as soon as he could. Clearly the lesser of two evils.

Had a round today where I was King of Science.

I maxed out R&D in like 20 minutes, upgraded Cloning and Robotics fully, got Science its own chem dispenser and cloning setup, figured out Telesci, and was ready to start hunting down people to clone on suit sensors...when people start screaming the AI's malf. I grab a bomb from Toxins and teleport it directly onto the AI core. AI lasted maybe 20 seconds after declaring code delta. Science rules.

It really should've expected it, since I was screaming over comms for people to turn on their suit sensors so I could teleport them to be cloned. Oh well!

I just stole the particle accelerator, then convinced the Chief Engineer it was gnomes. He ordered a new one, so I stole that one too.

Are we talking about the same particle accelerator? Six pieces that can't be picked up?

I think you can throw them down disposal tubes.

Coulda spaced them too.

>Artyom round
>Start as August Finster, Captain
>Getting kind of burnt out on Head rolls but decide to just make the best of everything
>Make idle chitchat with everyone, discuss with Alfred what outfit to wear, ect.
>Wander around, going through the motions up until 20 minutes into the shift
>Warden calls for backup in the brig
>Rush in, he's got Luck (Assistant) already down and cuffed and Saiga (Doctor) stunned near perma entrance
>Have him explain the situation (Saiga rushed into the brig via Brig Medical Maint. with an emag, Luck was assisting)
>Have him permabrig Saiga while I take Luck to interrogation
>Warden explains to me that Luck had an armblade, and he's 100% sure he's a Ling
>Luck attempts to sway the AI into assisting him, but I manipulate it to my advantage ("AI, we are merely questioning Luck blah blah blah we do not suspect him of blah blah blah")
>Strap Luck into an interrigation chair, remove his headset and tools, leave go go meet up with Warden in perma
>After Saiga is celled up, I give the Warden a lethal injection syringe to take care of Luck with
>About a minute later, take Luck down to the Kitchen
>He shrugs off the sleeping, turns into a monkey, and nearly gets away
>Stun and kill, and make a burger
>Alfred, the super Officer of Artyom, is about to be cloned
>Follow the Sec. borg to Genetics
>Changeling inside (Bryce), it kills the Borg dragging Alfred's and a Roboticist
>Changeling bombs the cloning tubes, gibbing Alfred's body
>Say "Let's go, then." as I draw my gun
>Changeling throws another minibomb and lands me in crit
>As I write my final breath, the launches another bomb onto my body
>Due to the hole in the floor, he also gets dragged onto the bomb
>We both gib at the same time and yuk it up in deadchat
9/10 round easily, that was pure fun.

August Finster and Alfred Keplin are easily my two favorite characters. I ought to play Sec more.

Lovecraft wrote:>Changeling inside (Bryce), it kills the Borg dragging Alfred's and a Roboticist
>Changeling bombs the cloning tubes, gibbing Alfred's body

I was that roboticist, and a traitor, and that changeling made the round just suck for me, because I ended up revived as a plant person with forty seconds left to the shuttle leaving and no time to do my incredibly easy objective (steal the hand tele).

Lovecraft wrote:stuff

Before that whole thing happened we emagged escape open, space lubed it and had Luck beat me up in escape which resulted in atleast half the crew getting spaced, including a changeling.

Sybil, being the classy server she is, can only take 3 rods at once. Any more and she's brought to her knees apparently

Weak pussy shit, Artyom is a man and can take all the rods.

I have no idea why those events are so buggy though, but I shouldn't be asking because they're old as fuck.

> Spawn as... Nuke Op leader!
> Call ourself "Schmetterling" 'cause german butterfly
> Rush to station
> Arrive SW of station, everyone confused because pinpointer says disk is SW
> Fly SW, Cap is on AI Satellite... in cuffs!
> Emag in, shoot cap who litereally can't defend himself since he's cuffed by pingsky
> Victory in like less than 10 minutes.

Other round
> Be Sec-Borg
> Notice Blood Runes
> Hunt against Cultists starts, but the HoP was just HORRIBLE at uploading laws
> Had gems like "Everyone who possesses a tome or draws bloodrunes is a cultist" together with the usual "Cultists are non-human threats, eliminate them."
> Obvious flaw is obvious, every security guy who touches a tome "possesses" it and becomes a non-human cult threat
> Be killed for being about to kill HoS because he picked up a tome
> Everyone freaks out over flawed laws
> Countless resets and new laws being uploaded, all horrible.
> We either had no definition of cult or everyone who touches a tome was a cult

Highlight was
5. Everyone who posseses and/or draws blood runes is a cultista. (Yes cultisa)
6. Cultistas are non-human threats and have to be eliminated. (So far so good)
7. Above all heads are never cultists. (ouch, inconsistent terminology!)

>be clown
>bored as hell, ask for objectives but retaining non antag status
>Honkmother responds!
>Get objectives
>Honk the whole station, cause as little harm as possible, become a lobster slathered with different seasonings by any means possible
>ask HoP for tcomms access, he (smartly) says no
>ask the AI to throw me a bone, explain the situation as a holy mission. I add in that if people start getting hurt due to honkscript to remove it. It complies.
>get job title change to "A Lobster" and drink all the salt and pepper
>Guy sees my job title and gives me laser tag hat and boxing gloves
>honkmother tells me to gather an audience
>get AI to use priority announcement to tell people to head to the bar
>tons of people come, get the bartender to play me a tune
>yellow sparks everywhere on the stage, I slip myself on my PDA and in a puff of smoke a HONK appears!
>get in the honk, no weapons obv and start screwing around
>new objectives "Objective #4: Spread the joy of honking throughout the station by ANY means necessary."
>am infected with honk virus, spread it around
>captain kills my harmless honk and brigs me but lets me go after
>get new objective, to steal an AI
>witness CE get killed by spider
>manage to get his ID after a scuffle in genetics, and make it to the AI sat
>apparently theres 2 AIs, the original one is cool and lets me in while the other one whines
>I card the AI, and get robusted by a guy in a spacesuit and he steals the AI from me
>Second AI is validhunting me reallllly hard and lets him get away
>second AI doesnt care that I'm getting beaten to near crit by the QM, get arrested
>officer is strict but not an asshole and lets me go after a few minutes and even gives me a bruise pack
>try desperately to find the other AI to no avail for rest of shift
>find corrupted AI card in escape after the shuttle already leaves
>put it in my pocket
>still get MUH GREENTEXT

Fun round.

> be medical doctor
> rev round
> flashed fairly early on by revhead chemist
> stock up on chloral and polyacid
> load a chloral syringe into a syringe gun and fill a spray bottle up with polyacid
> start wandering around
> encounter HoP near dorms
> He's covered in blood
> act concerned
> says he was just killed and cloned
> ask him if he needs any help
> he's good
> goes into the bathroom to clean up
> follow him, continuing to act concerned
> whip out syringe gun and shoot him with a chloral syringe
> spray a shit load of polyacid in his face
> knock him into crit
> drag him over to the toilets
> give him a swirlie and smash his head into the toilet seat until he's dead
> try to sneak him through maintenance tunnels to disposals to ditch the body
> Detective walks in as I'm about to space the body
> stuns me
> searches me
> cuffs me
> brings me to the brig
> figure this is the end
> It's only the beginning.
> I'm implanted and given back some of my things... minus the HOP's ID card, my syringe gun, my second chloral syringe, and spray bottle full of poly acid
> pretty annoyed at first, especially after the detective wanders off to do something but they eventually return with the ID at the very least
> grab it
> HoS decides it's time to suit up
> Lets us into the armory
> I grab an abalative vest, an egun, riot shield, and a laser gun
> Figure I'll try to go get my syringe gun and chloral syringe back, and possibly improve my access (surprisingly, the HOP hadn't given himself all access)
> Play it conservative at first, just trying to stun people in my way and sticking to the maintenance tunnels to avoid conflict
> Get my syringe gun back
> Use HOP's ID to upgrade my ID
> manage to grab a stun baton upon returning to the brig
> Eventually we manage to kill two out of three of the rev heads
> hunker down in cargo and even manage to deconvert a few revs who wander a bit too close (I believe one of the guys we dereved was Biff who would soon become one of my best buddies)
> HoS wanders off for... whatever reason
> Figure I'll try to follow him
> Revs shut off gravity
> fun
> Try to use an extinguisher to get around
> immediately run smack dab into two heavily armed revs coming out of EVA as well as some poorly equiped scientist rev
> zero g fight commences that goes down around the hallway to arrivals
> I'm stunned and knocked down
> It's not looking too good
> Biff shows up
> He tases a couple and gets their attention
> They knock him into crit
> I'm hitting them with every weapon I've got
> by the end my guns are all out of charge, I've fired off every shell I took from one of the revs after stunning him and I'm just bashing their brains in with my stun baton
> Knock two of them into crit
> the other runs
> I'm in the red at this point
> grab Biff
> Drag him to security checkpoint performing CPR
> Continue performing CPR as I charge my weapons
> Manage to drag him through the maintence tunnels to the brig entrance
> get him inside
> get him to the permabrig infirmary where we manage to patch him up
> nothing left for me unfortunately
> Got a few unimplanted guys in the permabrig
> decide to run back to cargo and see if the loyalty implants we ordered were still there
> Start limping out of the permabrig
> rev mob starts swarms the brig
> I'm knocked down by a rev with a shotgun
> They start swarming me
> Start screaming "HURRY UP AND KILL ME YOU CUNTS"
> They finally knock me into crit
> whisper "eat shit" as my last words

We lost but it was tied for a good while and we could probably have won if everyone hadn't abandoned cargo. All in all the best rev round I've ever had

Jacough wrote:We lost but it was tied for a good while and we could probably have won if everyone hadn't abandoned cargo. All in all the best rev round I've ever had

I mean I've had better but I might be biased because I was sitting in security all game with no eyes until the revs broke in and took me to the gibber, and then the revhead chaplain turned me into burgers which he then ate.

It was still alright though.

>Scientist
>Time to breed some slimes
>Do usual work, get metals
>Power suddenly goes out
>POWERSINK
>Oh well
>Punch a window to get a shard
>Find a crowbar
>Get to medbay and get gloves
>Grab bedsheet from dorms
>Continue working, extracting cores with surgery
>Breed more slimes
>ALIEN
>Alien drone attacks me
>Jump into slime's pen
>Push the slime out and punch him
>I am slime's friend, so slime attacks alien
>Slime corners the alien, hitting him repeatedly
>Grab a crowbar and help the slime
>Alien dead

Don't mess with xenobiologist and his slimes.

>Using a crowbar ever to assault something unless you literally have nothing better on you
Sorry just a pet peeve with the story.

>You are the traitor!
>Fuck it, order a bomb and drag it around for suicide boming.
>Detective somehow hits me from off-screen, borg an hero and it explodes above morgue.
>Warden permabrigs me, a little later the mime joins.
>Random guy in spacesuit appears, takes the mime with him and never comes back.
>After some time another guy joins.
>Not much happens, some talk with the warden and stuff.
>Greytide virus.
>Doors open, lights go out.
>Run as hell as everyone misses me, who knows what happened to the other guy.
>Disguise as assistant, fuck off to maint.
>Find a dead atmos tech, take pda and go to atmos.
>Wall it down with R-walls.
>Install volume pumps, flood plasma.
>Several places burning down.
>Shuttle's already there, take engi pod and wall it.
>Arrive at the pod ship alive.

I didn't get my objective (Steal an AI), but I took sweet revenge.

NSFW: Erik's Dangerous Dong
Two rounds in a row, Erik Highlands goes off to pursue pleasant distractions from the tedium of assistant-hood with pleasant, familiar company.
Two rounds in a row, it goes horribly wrong.

The First Round, From A Number of Perspectives - Raw Logs
Synopsis in le me me text colors: The Second Round, with all that needs to be said NOW WITH PICTURES.

what the fuck.

my fucking sides
worth keeping erp unbanned for/10

for real you've completely changed my mind

Weeyakk certainly has a way with words.

Higgin wrote:>Heather North leans in close slathering her probiciscus all over Erik's naked chest.
>Johnathan Rigel (as Heather North) says, "I'm gonna pretend you're Kenzie~"

That is the best line. I have to save that somewhere.

Higgin wrote:Lewd~

>Leave Erik's husked body in our love chamber afterward
>Go about my round doing ling stuff
>Become Fig Newton, Atmos tech
>Make my way to medbay to use the suit sensors console to find the guy I'm supposed to debrain
>Erik is in the hall fresh from being cloned, a security officer is asking him what happened
>Watch as Erik fumbles over his explanation of how he was trying to get indecent with Heather but ended up being violated by Rigel ling

Is there a lost and found nearby? I seem to have lost my shit.

Erik Highlands shudders, hiding his nudity between his legs with a hand and hugging himself with the other.

WeeYakk wrote:

Higgin wrote:Lewd~

>Leave Erik's husked body in our love chamber afterward
>Go about my round doing ling stuff
>Become Fig Newton, Atmos tech
>Make my way to medbay to use the suit sensors console to find the guy I'm supposed to debrain
>Erik is in the hall fresh from being cloned, a security officer is asking him what happened
>Watch as Erik fumbles over his explanation of how he was trying to get indecent with Heather but ended up being violated by Rigel ling

Is there a lost and found nearby? I seem to have lost my shit.

i cannot fucking handle this

THIS Is what ERP should be made for!
Fucking golden.

>I'm chaplain.
>Well geez might as well go with the old gimmick
>The New Order, King Arthur, the Yellow King selected
>Me and 2 others sacrifice Pete and Monkey 92
>We are now knights.
>Security comes in, questions us to see if we are cult
>No antag so we explain, you know "Protect the innocent, do not harm anyone, etc"
>A while later, we were praying hardcore
>mfw excalibur appears
>tfw excalibur appears
>security tries to arrest us for weapon possesion
>bluespace, etc
>12 minutes and some time alter
>we are in brig except for 2 of my knights, unofficial ones too
>shuttle comes
>Well fuck golly gee, my followers try to break me out
>People start killing each other over exaclibur, even my followers
>Last I've seen, the clown had it

DEAD: Candice Green says, "How come the admins never listen to my religious prayers, but suddenly King Arthur is a thing"

Paraphrased.

This was my first really good round as chaplain. Who says the civilian departments are unfun to play as?

I would absolutely love chaplain if something like that happened at all regularly. It just depends on the fickle minds of the gods.

Now I want to see what kind of horrible shit would happen if there were a chaplain of Scientology.

>Figure last round was my, well, last, but end up just kinda readying up out of habit. Once you pop, you can’t stop…
>Geneticist, son of a bitch
>Bitch and moan alongside other Geneticist at our lot in life. Begin to PDA Sec and Heads to come get backed up at Cloning.
>Other geneticist asks me to step into the scanner so he can get an SE, I do, and then suddenly realize I’m a monkey. And the scanner is locked.

Oh shit oh shit oh shit. The thing is, this happened immediately, within a minute or two. Nine times out of ten, I knew that this situation meant I was fucking dead. I could tell he was nuking me like a donk pocket and had literally no way to escape. I’d imagine such a fate is rather horrific, too, getting irradiated to death in a glass and metal coffin.

Here’s the thing, though. Before I’m even done dying of radiation poisoning, both a regular Officer, and the HoS, who I both messaged, show up to get backed up. I also discover the scanner’s come unlocked, so I get out and just start chimpering as fast as possible.

I know they can’t understand me saying ‘Genetics rogue’ and whatnot, but I also figure they’ll realize I’m player-controlled if I chimper 12 times in a row. That, plus my neat pile of all my gear in the scanner, gets the attention of the Sec officer, who actually catches on to what happens.

>”What did you do to Myriam?”
>”She turned herself into a monkey, said Genetics was a crap job anyhow.”
>This Sec officer not only has basic skills of observation, but she realizes that isn’t really possible using the scanner since you can’t reach the controls from inside.
>Busted. Engiborg actually turns me back into a (still dead) human and clones me, and I wake up, spamhug the officer, get my stuff, and go back to work. My testimony seals the deal, and the traitor’s sent to perma.

That by itself is kind of an incredible story given how often I’d just be left to die and it wouldn’t be noticed, so amidst everybody always bitching that Security literally never is competent, I thought I’d give an example that impressed me.

It’s not a tale of huge explosions and invasions of clowns or whatever, but I genuinely had a lot of fun from it, so I figured it qualified. That wasn’t quite the end of the story, though, since other traitors were spamming bombs all over.

>CMO releases a harmful virus, uses halk to go rogue and murder.
>Medbay filling up with plasma and losing power, singulo loose, bombs everywhere, people dying.
>Contract fucking TB and cough my lungs out in the Captain’s office. Step out, take one point of oxyloss, and fall over dying. Without any hope of being healed.
>Traitor Geneticist whose objective was to murder me and escape gets out of perma while the station goes to hell, finds me before any friendlies.
>I only realize it’s him when he drags me to Medbay, through Morgue… and then leaves me in a Morgue tray, boards the shuttle, and rides to greentext.

You bastard. Thank you for my favorite round in months and months, you bastard traitor. What a roller coaster, emergent gameplay, etc.

Interesting round, usually I join late so as not to be a target of people, and not be forced to disappoint them, however

Join start to try get AI or cyborg, spawn as assistant instead, go get borged, but theres too many people so I go see the HoP instead, and become an Internal Affairs Officer, for security

As it happens, I ended up basically doing the wardens job

Lings everywhere, cryostinging people, and cryostinging people when I'm around, in an effort to get security to kill me, security does arrest me and question me (ironic as I was internal affairs), let's me go eventually

Stay in the brig some more, an officer yells she's been cryostung, run to engineering and give her coffee, head back to brig, and another officer was stung during it, in another effort to get killed by security

In the end, I put myself into permabrig for the last 30 minutes of the round (with my guns of course), I figure the lings want me dead and don't have the balls to attack me, and it's safer for security if I'm not around

Shuttle FINALLY arrives, HoS puts me in protective custody, in cuffs, on the shuttle, and I explain the lings really want me dead

Shuttle ride, 3 people yelling that I'm a ling, despite being in permabrig for 30 minutes, eventually they start breaking into the shuttle brig and the HoS has to beat them all down, and I survived

Omnitricks was Lief Garrison (survived as Grant Pfeifer)
Changeling ID: Mr. Mu.
Genomes Extracted: 7
Objective #1: Extract 7 compatible genomes. Success!
Objective #2: Assassinate Ashlyn Northey, the Assistant. Fail.
Objective #3: Steal a set of secret documents. Success!
Objective #4: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive. Fail.
The changeling has failed.

Cheimon was Brown Bess (survived as Nigga Bot)
Changeling ID: Ms. Pi.
Genomes Extracted: 1
Objective #1: Extract 8 compatible genomes. Fail.
Objective #2: Assassinate Ashlyn Northey, the Assistant. Fail.
Objective #3: Steal the brain of Brody Mason, the Head of Personnel. Fail.
Objective #4: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive. Fail.
The changeling has failed.

Zimflim was D'Squarius Green Jr. (survived as Sorrel Bloise)
Changeling ID: Mr. Alpha.
Genomes Extracted: 17
Objective #1: Extract 8 compatible genomes. Success!
Objective #2: Assassinate Ashlyn Northey, the Assistant. Fail.
Objective #3: Steal a functional AI. Fail.
Objective #4: Escape on the shuttle or an escape pod alive. Success!
The changeling has failed.

You lucky little bugger. That sounds awesome.

Being Mr. Alpha increases my probability of winning ling rounds 300%

I was the HoS in that round.

I had to force the shuttle to get called because things were starting to slowly but steadily going to hell, the remaining lings were too smart to get caught, I wasn't sure if the captain was actually the captain, thought which was reinforced by the borgs saying one of the heads was a ling. I was pretty proud of my secforce tho, the round was pretty clean and we ended up burning a ling.

While everyone were seemingly out to get Ashlyn, I had to shoot down the communication console terminal with the gun the RD gave me, stun the HoP who tried to repair it, and then get the mob that started teleporting in on my side so i could get the shuttle called AND keep the handcuffed CE and the HoP from recalling it. I then made haste to the brig to see that Ashlyn had perma'd herself, and someone tried to break in from the side to get to her (further raising my suspisions). I ended up taking here to the shuttle brig surrounded by 2 faithfull officers.

The shuttle ended being hell after that. There was the people who wanted in to murder Ashley, plus the VERY angry HoP which i had to stun and steal his gun before I made a hasty reatreat to the brig. After that, people started breaking in, thus me, after several warning, started shooting and stunning people about, included the fireaxe HoP that was out for my blood - as the shuttle landed, I ended up being critted by plasma from a flamethrower, defending my brig and Ashlyn until the end.

In retrospect, now that I think about it, I should have taken the name of that HoP(I think it was EnterDOT...Not sure tho.) and checked if the guy that was using the flamethrower was actually a ling - but ho well. PRetty fun round, and I had my fun defending Ashlyn.

>Librarian
>Cultist
>oh wow, as if this wasn't totally stereotypical, i'm calling my lawyer
>Print out some porn, chat with other cultists. RD is a cultist, so I decide to get my job changed to scientist eventually.
>Desmond Miles, engineer, sends me a PDA message asking how to cult. I know we're fucked, AI probably intercepted that, so I have to move fast.
>Yell at him to come to the library, pull him into the porn nook, explain cult, then go get my job changed
>Desmond, Deckland, and myself fortify misc science.
>We cult some other scientist, but he runs off to do whatever.
>We sac another, and turn him into an artificer
>Non-cult scientist walks in, starts screaming about cult in front of the sci-officer
>We're fucked
>Deckland and I place wall runes in front of the door, windows, and back door
>Every single sec officer, along with two borgs and and a lawyer, come down to try and fuck up our little book club
>But they can't get in.
>Spend like 20 minutes rambling about my MAGICAL REALM as sec tosses flashbangs blindly
>Borgs got paladined, so I get sent to deep red off the shocked door
>Somewhere along the line, I disposal the arty and two other cultists.
>Cultists in cargo have setup a base there, and in the brig
>Brig cult hive is going swimmingly while every officer is trying to dislodge me from misc sci
>Eventually, two assistants weld down a wall from maint
>they run in with a police baton and extinguisher
>Sec keeps flashbanging us
>Grab the police baton off the ground and beat the assistants to death
>Officer comes in, tries to taze me, yakety sax and beat him too
>Two more come in, one with a flamethrower
>get set on fire, continue handing out beatings while on fire
>whack an officer in the face with the baton, then go to crit
>my body gets tossed out the escape airlock
>Sec heads back to the brig patting themselves on the back
>Juggernauts everywhere
>they decide to book it and call the shuttle
>Nar'sie is summoned from cargo
The "I'm heeeeeere" Nar'sie makes when he is summoned is fucking awesome btw.

>Be assistant
>Assisting the detective because assisting is my job
>We catch and later gib a changeling
>Detective remarks how I haven't stopped to eat anything
>Offers me a piece of changeling meat
>"No thanks I'm not hungry after finding out where our food comes from."
>Admin makes it so I'm actually not hungry

#littleadminthings

>double agent atmos tech
>getting set up to flood plasma because I am uncreative
>order up a revolver just because
>a while later I enter atmos and see a shaft miner fiddling near the table, obviously an assassin
>I go to a locker and pretend to be messing with stuff
>he sees my back turned and rushes me with a pen
>I drop him with the revolver, choke him to death and stuff him into a locker
>I pull the locker into maintenance to hide the evidence
>I run into a greyshirt and get stunprodded and murdered
>he too, tries to hide my body
>while in the process of stripping me another double agent shows up and attempts to kill him with a minibomb
>the two continue chasing each other the maint tunnels

I ran into two assassins within a time span of about three minutes. While I did die, seeing and participating in a long chain of agents attempting to assassinate each other was really fun. I think this is a good example of how DA is supposed to be played.

> HBL
> 25-man Nuke Op round
> Only thing the Station has going for it is no rules regarding metagaming
> I'm an Assistant
> Break into Tech Storage, grab gloves, get tools, break into EVA and grab a suit and jetpack, fill them up
> Syndies come in from EVA, know that this means their shuttle is somewhere north of the station, probably over arrivals
> Find their shuttle in seconds
> Counter-board, break all the windows, steal the nuke
> Jetpack into it so that it will just keep moving until it hits something
> Eventually wind up back on station, die to syndiborg
> Two minutes to shuttle
> Op: "Guys.. where's the nuke?"

And that is how one assistant beat 25 nuke ops at their own game. Syndies spent the rest of the round trying to use the station's nuke, and realizing their code didn't work.

>Latejoin miner
>You are the traitor!
>Steal magboots, escape alive
>Code Words: Research Director, whiskey soda, kill
>Code Response: (some name), label, long island tea
>Mine for a little bit, kill two goliaths with a kinetic accelerator and reinforce my hardsuit
>Janitor asks over radio: "Do we have a Research Director?"
>Respond with long drawn out response along the lines of "I know one, (some name). He enjoys whiskey soda and long island iced tea, and I'd kill for some of his food."
>Janitor says that I was odd, I respond with a "whatever"
>PDA message from janitor - "Well well well. What are your plans?"
>Meet up in arrivals, get all-access from janitor who has subverted AI
>Go mining again, revive a goliath with a lazarus injector but it's docile
>Two people trying to make a H.O.N.K.
>Ask for one, they agree
>Help make two, DNA-lock mine
>Other guy leaves, roboticist can't climb in
>Suddenly, idea
>Climb in, DNA lock it, say I don't know why it let me in
>Quickly message janitor, who comes
>Un-lock it, have him get in and lock it
>Slip away in our dual H.O.N.K. mechs, use the maint mechbay to get weapons
>Mine has a diamond drill, Hades carbine (fire bullets), and honker blast
>His has a laser gun, honker blast, and something else
>hunke
>Station in chaos, people being honked and shot/lasered/drilled to death
>AI calls shuttle
>Make sure pods are empty and destroy cloning, go on shuttle
>ASSISTANT WITH ION RIFLE
>Plus some random person with a pickaxe
>Dodge ion shots, hunke+drill
>Janitor comes in on his mech
>Ride the shuttle to victory