Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Nilons · Post by **Nilons** » Thu May 04, 2017 7:04 pm #288516

Bottom post of the previous page:

cedarbridge wrote:>head pops off and beans him in the chest
>he flops over and dies in crit

This is one of the most metal things that I've ever heard of happening in SS13

Gun Hog · Post by **Gun Hog** » Sun May 07, 2017 7:06 am #289772

Join up for a CereStation round, as I want to play it more often.
> Type up my usual greetings as RD -- YER A WIZARD, MAGNI!
> Oh snap, Wizard in CereStation! I am unrobust, so forget muderboner spells!
> Kill some random greyscum, escape alive
> FOR CHAOS! ALL THE SUMMONS!!
> Hrm. Laughter Demon? AWW YISS BBY!

> I should at least arm myself. STAFF OF CHAOS + RECALL!
> Teleport down into Science and start blasting magic everywhere!
> Some of the Scientists fire back, but I manage to clear a few out and loot one for access. I seem to have gotten the RD too, he left me his tele armor.
> Turn one into a Xeno which promptly escapes
> Demon is there too, feeding on the people who ran from me into Robotics. Nice.
> Swap out my wizard garb for a REALLY poor disguise, I have no spells besides Recall anyway.
> Shoot up a few more dudes in the hall until I anger a guy with PULSE RIFLES. He makes short work of me

> Float around as a ghost for a while, watching the station tear itself apart. At least I caused CHAOS and gave myself plenty to wa-
> I AM SUDDENLY ALIVE AGAIN
> Laughter Demon must have eaten me and died maybe?
> TIME FOR ROUND TWO.
> Start roaming around the empty looking station until I reach Medbay
> RELEASE THE CHAOS! I fire my staff at everybody, but not without taking a hard beating myself. One guy I turned into a monkey decided he wanted revenge.
> Manage to get away from the monkey, but I am quite near death, and very obviously a wizard. I ditch the staff for now, and loot the Medical Hardsuit off the CMO, and his Bulldog shotty
> A cute little Peacekeeper rolls in after my search for medical supplies yield nothing. I risk talking to it and ask if it would heal me in the sleeper...
> IT DOES! IT SUSPECTS ME OF NOTHING! Now that I am back in action, I recall my staff, take the shotty and continue my muderbone!
> Near the bridge now, and I see what looks to be the RD? I thought I killed him! Oh well. I kill him and another Scientist nearby, ONE DROPS A FREAKING L6!
> Freaking Score! I toss the staff away again, search the corpses for loot and find myself a gyrojet too!
> Shuttle is almost here now, so I head that way while being ready for anything. Shoot the clown with the gyrojet and finish him with the L6, just because

> I think to myself...I now have a chance to actually greentext! I turn off the muderboner and use my stolen loot from the RD (his PDA) and CMO's suit to blend in.
> There are not many left at Escape, but all of them are armed to the teeth and ready to rock. They do not suspect me, so I just go with it.
> Former RD joins me in the cockpit, demanding my ID and asking if I killed him. If I talk, he will know I am the wiz, so I pretend I am a mime.
> Really itching to just recall my staff and try to fight before he kills me.
> He buys the mime act, and I am free to ride off into safety!
> FIRST GREENTEXT EVER AS A WIZARD.

Totally undeserved, totally unexpected. Still, it was a BARREL of fun, and I am sure all the CereStation haters were happy that I could bring the round to an end relatively quickly.

Nilons · Post by **Nilons** » Mon May 08, 2017 11:43 am #290298

>Spawn as rolls-the-bones, ligger assistant extraordinaire
>Meander around for a while before entering the bar
>Tell the barkeep I would like to die of alcohol poisoning
>"No liggers in my bar"
>He threatens me with his ligger oppression tool
>I leave for now
>Run around the station gathering every fire extinguisher I can carry/ fit in my bag
>grab an o2 locker
>go back to the bar
>thus begins the hail of fire extinguishers which put out the flames of ligger oppression in the bar
>Barkeep wasting ammo on my o2 locker cover
>My fire extinguishers strike true, the barkeep stumbles
>I disarm him of the ligger oppressing gun and flee
>Space memegun
>go back to the bar, bartender is nursing his wounds when the second hail begins
>He falls back to the kitchen, where the chef provides moral support
>I continue to hit him with fire extinguishers whenever he passes the window
>He returns fire but is no match for my catching ability
>He runs through the bar to the medbay
>Victory is mine
>serve drinks to people in the bar
>Tell him he can have his bar back if he apologizes and gives me enough booze to die
>no response
>eventually he stumbles in, now dressed differently
>Tells me the bars mine I can drink all I want and that hes quitting
>I feel hollow inside
>Did I really win a battle for liggerkind? Or just rob a man of his passion?

my greentexting is shitty because I rarely post in that format

Edit: the story ended with me getting the chef to gib me as I had intended to suicide the brig from the getgo but had more fun with bar shenanigans

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Mon May 08, 2017 11:49 am #290299

you did both
you done good

Cuboos · Post by **Cuboos** » Mon May 08, 2017 10:50 pm #290791

>Be ling
>Oh shit a cuboos ling story in SOA?
>Get Genomes
>Kill RD
>get out alive
>OH BOY HOWS THIS GONNA GET FUCKED UP?
>get my genomes within a few minutes
>easiest objective
>See RD a few times but they're always surrounded by people
>Damn it...
>Keep a low profile
>Nobody suspects a thing
>Talk with other lings over hive mind
>Find out one guy killed the RD already
>wait what...
>Shuttle is called because all the heads are dead or missing
>Shuttle docks
>everyone is relatively calm on the shuttle
>Shuttle docks
>Greentext

I finally got greentext as a changeling but it feels so... empty...

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Mon May 08, 2017 11:11 pm #290798

It wasn't awesome.
You will never have awesome.
Even your greentext will be rage, tears and regret.

Cuboos · Post by **Cuboos** » Tue May 09, 2017 12:13 am #290815

DemonFiren wrote:It wasn't awesome.
You will never have awesome.
Even your greentext will be rage, tears and regret.

:C you're right...

InsaneHyena · Tue May 09, 2017 11:37 pm

I want this to be an epic story, but I'm kind of tired, so I'll be brief.

>Be Killer Queen, a cyborg.
>Primarily clean floors and repair damage done to imperfect structures by imperfect people.
>Suddenly, spot an artificer.
>It's trying to kill me.
>Announce cult's existence to the crew.
>Rush to AI sat, so I'll save AI before they get to kill it.
>As I teleport it to lavaland, delta alert - the cult sacced the captain, and now they are summoning Nar'Sie.
>AI orders me to die, but do everything in my power to prevent it.
>"Eye of the tiger" starts playing
>Rush cult's base
>There's already a storm going on - poorly, since nobody can even get to the base.
>They've hidden themselves behind a bolted door and a wall rune
>That won't stop me.
>Turn into an engineering cyborg
>RCD the walls.
>Sac runes, teleport runes, manifest runes, EMP runes, summon rune
>They all disappear, as I turn into janiborg and wash them all away
>Cult hastily retreats
>Hear AI commending me, but then informing me that it's about to die. But it doesn't matter - I must continue my mission.
>Cult spends some time creating a new base, then tries it the second time.
>DELTA ALERT - NAR'SIE IS RISING
>It's not going to go any differently, just because you're doing it again.
>Third time's the charm!
>This time, they're doing it in the armory, as if narrow passageways, guns and R-walls will protect them.
>I cuck them out of the summon for the third time.
>I have to sacrfice my life for it, after beating chased into a corner, but that's not important
>Deadchat is singing me praises, and laughing their assses off at how cult is being denied their victory.
>Securibro drags me to robotics, and I return to life.
>Just in time to learn that escape is being devoured by rapidly mutating kudzu
>Enlist help of securibro, and we destroy the devil plant almost single-handedly.
>Cult is crying tears of shame after being beaten by essentially a fucking roomba.
>I visit github and see this

https://github.com/tgstation/tgstation/pull/27103

InsaneHyena · Tue May 09, 2017 11:46 pm

I finally got greentext as a changeling but it feels so... empty...

That's not a story of awesome, you depressing fuck.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Wed May 10, 2017 6:50 am #291516

tacolizard is a salty ligger and a bad coder and should be remove kebab

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Sun May 14, 2017 5:31 pm #293544

>Start round, wanting to be chappy or some shit
>Ends up being HOP
>Ends up being a round start cultist
>Fellow cultists asks me to give him access to something or another
>Gives him all access
>Does regular HOP things
> Stays in room
>Cultists take over sec. I feel like i may have had a hand in that
> Wait for a while in my office as the shitstorm unfolds
>Enough people to summon
>Teleports to the ai shuttle
>Realizes that someone had to have all access to convert all these peeps
>Realization that I just lazily won the round for the team
>Realization that at the start they weren't being slightly stealthy, and we still won due to me handing out all access.
>Is the one to start the ritual.
>Broadcasts to the other station before we leave
>Leave
>Greentext.
>Feel amazing

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Sun May 14, 2017 7:45 pm #293600

>Shift begins as engineer
>Cant find solars
>Goes to get borged to be more efficient
>Gets forced into gang
>Gang leader tells me to blow up teh SM
> Tries everything which wouldnt get me noticed
>Welderbombs
>Things go to shit
> I DID MY DUTY

Or as Dan The Necroman says, >guy comes to robo for borging>get them into gang>tell them to blow the SM>blows SM

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Sun May 14, 2017 7:54 pm #293607

why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Nilons · Post by **Nilons** » Sun May 14, 2017 7:57 pm #293608

BeeSting12 wrote:why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Love the ruckus

Reyn · Post by **Reyn** » Sun May 14, 2017 8:34 pm #293617

BeeSting12 wrote:why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Fucking beats me, the gang boss told me to

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sun May 14, 2017 8:40 pm #293621

BeeSting12 wrote:why the heck would you blow the SM as gang

Because gang is cancer.

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Sun May 14, 2017 8:57 pm #293627

Reece wrote:
BeeSting12 wrote:why the heck would you blow the SM as gang
Because gang is cancer.

yeah if people see it as a license to blow the SM for no raisins.

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Sun May 14, 2017 9:15 pm #293628

BeeSting12 wrote:
Reece wrote:
BeeSting12 wrote:why the heck would you blow the SM as gang
Because gang is cancer.
yeah if people see it as a license to blow the SM for no raisins.

>Denial of area for potential set up
>Denial of floods with destroyed atmos
>It's fun to blow shit up
why not

BeeSting12 · Post by **BeeSting12** » Mon May 15, 2017 3:50 pm #293846

This is from a long time ago but it's still funny to me.
>be HoS
>run around, gulag some people
>have about five or so prisoners out there
>toxins scientist comes up and says yo, got some bombs want some?
>i say sure thing man, in fact I'll send them to gulag to help with mining
>slap a timer on the bomb and leave it unactivated
>launch the bomb to gulag on the shuttle
>make an announcement that EXPLICITLY STATES that the bomb is for mining only
>watch cameras and wait
>...
>...
>...
>huge hole in middle of gulag
>the clown detonated the bomb killing all but one prisoner

Not-Dorsidarf · Mon May 15, 2017 3:53 pm

Reyn wrote:>Start round, wanting to be chappy or some shit
>Ends up being HOP
>Ends up being a round start cultist
>Fellow cultists asks me to give him access to something or another
>Gives him all access
>Does regular HOP things
> Stays in room
>Cultists take over sec. I feel like i may have had a hand in that
> Wait for a while in my office as the shitstorm unfolds
>Enough people to summon
>Teleports to the ai shuttle
>Realizes that someone had to have all access to convert all these peeps
>Realization that I just lazily won the round for the team
>Realization that at the start they weren't being slightly stealthy, and we still won due to me handing out all access.
>Is the one to start the ritual.
>Broadcasts to the other station before we leave
>Leave
>Greentext.
>Feel amazing

Oh right this was the round where all the sec latejoined by which time Lane had looted the armory and implanted himself, and every time an officer walked into the brig he was jumping, tasing, and either converting or killing them in the backroom. That was a fascinating round to watch. And by fascinating I mean I debated dropping a maxcap on the brig for over half an hour.

Limey · Post by **Limey** » Mon May 15, 2017 7:51 pm #293983

Buy surplus crate as viro antag, get romerol

Lace donuts and feed them to unsuspecting patients

Add some into vodka for good measure and share swigs

Time comes, pull out sketchin pistol and shoot myself after infection in a room full of corpses

The apocalypse begins

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Mon May 15, 2017 8:56 pm #294017

>be celerystation
>join as det
>like 1 officer, me, warden and HoS but everything is going smoothly
>Find a gang tag, scan for prints, it was the chap.
>tell sec radio about it, we keep it quiet.
>hear on common the chap is attacking people.
>nobody is trying to arrest them, I take it into my own hands
>they try to BS over common that I'm being shitcurity, I reveal that they're a gang head over comms to protect my image.
>they get arrested
>round going normally, hear on radio that there's a xeno queen in xenobio, ignore it. We had gangs to deal with
>in my office checking prints when clown busts in
>pull out my gun, dodge a pie he throws.
>he slips me on his PDA
>"wew"
>he uses an implant breaker and converts me
>Later on, I talk to the HoP (another gangmember) and get armory access
>fill a locker with weapons, hear over comms that a xeno escaped but it was put down
>bring locker into the bridge, our gang's 'base'
>we're winning by far, and I suit up in bulletproof armor with a riot shield and a combat shotty I found in the contraband locker
>We roll out killing hostile gangmembers when I hear that the xenos broke containment
>oshit.jpg
>our gang head can't find a place to put the dom
>xenos infect most of the station, about 70% of the crew is dead either from xenos or gangs.
>After like 5-10 minutes, Xenos reach the sec wing, where our gang is.
>I go xeno hunting, and kill several because of my riot shield, which deflects all their attacks.
>feel like a badass
>too many xenos overrunning the station, about 90% of crew dead
>me, two lieutenants and our boss retreat to the captain's office with our weapons locker
>Xenos find us, and I spam out buckshot through the door to the office.
>each time a xeno pounces, they bounce off my shield and eat lead.
>xenos flank behind and kill the rest of my comrades
>My shield is holding them off as I blast through waves of xenos
>they surround me on all sides, but are afraid of my shotty
>one xeno runs towards me in a rage
>I unload mabye four shots before he disarms me
>my shotgun on the ground, I shield bash him
>the xeno is heavily damaged, but disarmed me again
>i drop my shield
>goodnightsweetprinse.svg
>i embrace death as he swipes me into crit and huggers me
>I whisper my last breath of resistance, "You'll never take me alive..." and die, making his hugger worthless

I died but it was probably the best round I ever had. I think I was the last non-huggered person alive.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Tue May 16, 2017 10:22 pm #294682

Wizard appeared in the slime pens today at work. He was armed with a spell blade. He rudely smashed his way out of the enclosure. I politely baton'd him in return and smashed his head in with his own sword. A Borg watched the whole thing but the wizard had made himself a golem so it was beuno.

Spent the rest of the round with looted wizard goodies: a glowing cape, a mind swap apprentice, the spell blade, and a ban hammer. Glory to Nanotrasen.

D&B · Post by **D&B** » Sat May 20, 2017 4:39 am #296497

>Be me
>Not you
>Signed up as miner and do pretty well, got a drake down and enough ore in my first run to get almost 4k points.
>HoP announces over comms warden is gulagging them for taking sechuds
>Everyone calls the warden shit
>Decide to help the escapee not die to lava
>Put him out with a fire extinguisher and help him get some clothes
>Hatch up a quick plan so he can get rid of the Warden and get his shit back (he was acting captain and I was bored)
>Yell in mining channel as soon as I grab the attention of sec by blowing a tank and running on fire into everyone
>tell to myself I'll probably get banned for doing that while I was alone and deaf fuck you whoever ahelped that
>HoP manages to stop the warden powergrab, gets his shit back
>Run away from the remaining sec officers because my distraction stuck
>Get beaten by an asimov borg, beaten by a virologist while the borg watches, and suffer deep burns as the borg removes my drake suit while I was on fire
>Get spaced by a ling scientist and smother in my salt
>Ghost around and see the pretty stars
>Later on HoP comes back and rescues my body
>Just walk around sullen because I lost my drake suit
>Lane fucking Stewart pulls up a great card from their sleeve and give it back to me (they safe kept it after the borg confiscated it.)
>End up not going into the shuttle since the HoP got linged

Most thrilling round I've had in a long while.

Post by **Togopal** » Sat May 20, 2017 11:31 am #296558

Older story but w/e

>be botanist
>dont care about the weaponized autism that is throwing plants
>my mind is set on one thing only
>BEES
>order bees from cargo
>instantly approved
>take bees to botany and continue my order of operations
>some time passes
>i now have two bee hives and every tile has a bee on it
>a cry is heard on common of xenomorphs
>oh shit
>start walling off
>nobody will touch my bees
>a survivor manages to enter with a space suit
>helps me fortify
>amused bee god, DennyBee, watches from the clouds
>xenomorphs have made little attempt to enter
>emergency shuttle is very close to arriving
>DennyBee comes in as the bee fairy
>asks us for wishes
>other survivor suggests that we fled our mortal coils
>agree
>get made into a 3x3 bee named Bee-ryce
>fly into shuttle
>the alien queen orders her children not to slash me
>tempt not the mercy of bees
>fly around the queen, stinging them repeatedly
>it does minimal damage but it pisses the other aliens off
>for the next 2 minutes and 30 seconds get chased around by pissed off xenomorphs trying to kill me
>shuttle docks
>backup has arrived
>the last thing the xenomorphs see before fade to black is the wrath of the TRUE swarm

capi duffman · Sat May 20, 2017 6:30 pm

One of those small time stories, I liked the situation.

>Be chef
>Preparing the usual, without much incident, other than a bored greytider who wanted to griff a bit.
>boom
>Second round in a row with a mad bomber, oh well, I'm a chef this time, so not my monkey, not my circus.
>boom
>boom
>boom
>A lot of bombs, seriously a lot, one of them happened quite near, I even saw the burning debris
>Still cooking, because this is my job, why should I care about bombings? the brotanists seem to agree with the sentiment.
>Well, I should've cared, since the next one happened nearby.
>some items start hitting me, I even get to shout to the brotanists to grab their internals before the shockwave finally hits me square.
>I'm on fire, flashing red, and the kitchen is losing both pressure and air.
>luckily I manage to the fire out on the first try, I decide to enter the backroom, I won't make it otherwise.
>Ok, no biggie, I'll simply eat a bit and put on internals, then go to medbay
>No right arm, I can't open the box.
>only a sugar bottle and a bit of milk on me.
>I am not going to die here.
>I check a bit the kitchen, trying not to get exposed to vacuum, it's no use, all the food got burnt, I gotta do with what I have.
>I check maint, I'm recovering a bit, so I'll be able to try and exit through the exit, I got lucky and found internals, and a bit further, a wrench and a crowbar.
>health points at orange, but I'm sure it's borderline red, if I mess up I'll fall unconscious and no one will bother looking for me, using the PDA didn't work.
>Finally I decide to be brave and enter hypodronics through the kitchen, the vacuum hurts, but not enough to slow me down.
>The brotanics are dead, most likely the explosion killed one on the spot, the other one died near the door, I don't even stop, grabbing the first on my way to the exit.
>I'm flashing red again, door's locked, but the wall was broken, only a crystal chair remains in my way.
>Finally in medbay the brotanist is taken by the doctors, while I try to treat myself with some synthflesh, only then I pay attention to the pool of blood I'm making.
>I get treated and I go rescue the other brotanist, only then I get to go the shuttle and start behaving like the PSTD victim I should be.

Small time, as I said, but those unlikely survivals are nice once in a while, I really thought I was dead the moment I saw the items hitting me, and lacking both an arm and food almost made impossible to escape the kitchen.

XDTM · Post by **XDTM** » Sat May 20, 2017 11:43 pm #296768

To open a box one-handed, you can drop it and drag its sprite to your character, it'll open the inventory. It also works with boxes inside backpacks so you don't have to take them out.

bman · Post by **bman** » Mon May 22, 2017 5:17 am #297167

JUST FOR GAGS: THE ROUND.

Spoiler:

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Mon May 22, 2017 8:05 am #297206

You have my seal of approval.

Spoiler:

ShadowDimentio · Tue May 23, 2017 3:22 am

>Be viro
>WEE OOO WAR OPS
>Jesus christ why have there been so many war op games lately
>Decide to not grab a gun and try fighting the ops for once
>Make heals virus instead
>Distribute heals virus
>Crew resilience exponentially improved thanks to me
>Okay now it's time to gear up
>Get cap ID as the ops blow up my PDA
>Fucking annoying faggots
>Heals virus pops me back to full in no time
>Sec has been picked over quite thoroughly
>Manage to nab some HoS armor and a sec belt
>Go to cargo for a gun
>Combat shotties are in
>Grab one
>Go to CE for his boots
>Nobody's taken them
>Fools!
>Very solidly geared up now
>Ops arrive
>Crew intercept one in maint and swarm them
>Watch from a slight distance
>BEEP BEEP BEEP
>FUCK, RUN
>Area blows up from the macrobomb, escape unharmed because I reacted fast
>Wander around for a bit
>Op mech appears in the gateway hall
>Guy carrying an ion rifle for this exact situation locks it down
>Empty my shotgun in it
>Crew swarm and a shieldsuit op pops out of the wreckage
>His shieldsuit is instantly fried by ion man
>Baton him as he tries to fend us off with a mere pistol
>Two ops down, probably more I haven't seen
>Reload at cargo
>Wander around for a while scavenging new gear uneventfully
>Find a shotgun laying near a crit guy in a vaccumed area of maint
>Drag him to medbay and get him healed up
>He screams that an op has the disk, throwing a pinpointer at me
>OH SHIT NIGGER
>Grab it and bounce
>Find a guy with a hardsuit I had seen a few times
>Yell an op has the disk and I need his suit stat
>He gives me it and I sprint towards the disk
>It's in the QM's office on a random table
>Uhh, someone fucked up
>Grab it and am beset upon by a shieldsuit op in the hall
>Take cover behind a closet and prepare to shotgun him
>We do a little dance as we each try to shoot each other
>Suddenly he gets stunned by [something], I have no idea what
>Empty two shotguns in him
>Here lies the last op, may he rest in pieces
>Escape and win

Moral of the story: Rescuing dying people is an extremely important job and you should always help your fellow crew.

dionysus24779 · Sat May 27, 2017 8:06 pm

Not really "awesome" but also not really "frustrating", just... a weird round.

> Be roundstart engieborg with no AI.
> Set up SM as I was taught
> Guess SM was changed/tweaked as some point because it suddenly jumps up to like 80% instability
> Well... fuck...
> Prepare to freon that bitch... but just as I'm about to wrench it it goes boom already.
> Be MMI in space now, feel bad about screwing up SM, ask to be picked up by someone at some point.
> I dunno like 10+ minutes pass when RD comes to get me, but he was kind of blind and walked past me a couple of times.
> Another engieborg comes and sees me, rescues me, RD sees me now too and comes after us as we head to Robotics.
> RD quickly snatches me from Robotics because he wants me to be an AI instead of a borg.
> Oh... okay.
> Be put in AI core in RD's office but notice how everything in the office is depowered and ask if that will be alright.
> RD puts glass onto the core but doesn't screwdrive me to finish me into an AI.
> RD drags me out of his office and into the toxins storage... okay why?
> Begins to break down R.Walls to get into Xenobio... but why?
> Ask him what he's doing.
> He wants to give me power, since I look depowered.
> Explain AI's don't need wires and I'm actually just unfinished and need to be screwdrived to work.
> RD be like "Shush..."
> Plead with him for a while as he fumbles around with wires. "RD, please, no, I just, screwdrive me, no wires..."
> Everything also transmitted over radio so eventually someone picks up on it and offers to screwdrive me.
> When people come into toxin storage the RD just wrenched me down on a wire, I dunno who screwdrived me but I was finally finished.
> Though at this point the shuttle was almost there and I was carded anyway.

> Welp... that was an interesting roughly 50 minutes round of mostly sitting around because I was an MMI or an unfinished AI.

Was quite amusing though.

bman · Post by **bman** » Sun May 28, 2017 3:39 am #299808

dionysus24779 wrote:words that kill

who was the RD?

dionysus24779 · Sun May 28, 2017 3:00 pm

I only barely remember a bit of his first name, but I don't want to make him look bad which is why I didn't mention specific names in the first place.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:34 pm #304652

two stories

>ass on meta
>ass shittery
>SPIDERS IN SCI MAINT
>i got this fam
>die immediately
>respawn as spider
>spiders slowly take over the station despite the best (?) efforts of the captain and sec (i.e. cap tried to flood maint with plasma and light it but only ended up critting himself)
>spoder base in cargo as hunters bring in people and egg layers give them the succ
>medbay is last bastion of humanity
>vents welded but cloner is up
>spodertide busts down front door and floods in, destroys cloning and takes all the bodies for succing
>ert sent in
>immediately succ'd
>amount of spider roles being available is far past the amount of people able to fill them
>admemes eventually just set off nuke

spoder tide stationwide

---
>ass on meta again
>you are the blood cult
>kill cap and summon eldritch waifu
>well golly
>grab my gear and decide to try for cult leader
>actually get it
>ok then cultbros lets do this
>cargo has a base set up in warehouse but i make one in vacant office since nobody ever fucking goes there
>good shit going on, got papers and a few constructs
>some slipups with nearly being caught but i always keep spares of stunning paper so its all good
>tp one guy back to base only to find it exploded to all fucking hell
>what in the actual shit
>apparently was an anomaly in the bathrooms just next door that went off
>WHAT ARE THE ODDS SCREEEEEEEEEEEE
>ai sees the base and alerts the crew
>i limp out nearly in red with a construct shell and a shard
>ok goys cargo base new base
>think we're fucked but keep trying
>shuttle is called
>ok now or never
>find cap on bridge
>call it in with cultmaster chat
>surprising amount of people arrive, way more cultists than i thought we had
>maybesomethingnicewillhappen.jpg
>hack into caps office
>me and four other guys slip on soap that he laid down and he lasers us all
>WHYTHEFUCKWOULDANYTHINGNICEEVERHAPPEN.GIF
>dragged out in crit by another cultist and get a medibot to heal me
>out of crit, heal myself up
>WHERE IS CAP NOW
>after some conflicting reports find he's in armory
>hop somehow got culted so he lets us in
>cap naked and harrumphing
>throw out a quick rune and blow him harder than a two-cent whore
>OK BOIS LETS DO THIS
>tell cultbros present to kick down racks while i get the gang together with mass summon spell
>cult party in armory
>toss down summon rune and ring up narnar
>tell everyone drinks are on me in the underscape while narsie rips her way through our reality's asshole
>arm animation victory

considering how badly a lot of things went a lot of my cultmates were surprisingly competent and we pulled through for a good victory. gotta say the cultmaster update is a godsend, having big text to coordinate better and a mass summon spell relieves some massive headaches from having to scream "COME TO [LOCATION] TO SUMMON YOU FUCKS" for five minutes before you eventually give up and just make a ghost summon rune.

Post by **Armhulen** » Wed Jun 07, 2017 6:38 pm #304658

>i got an idea for an event!!
>spawn one nurse spider
>spawn one ice spider
>offer to ghosts
>play for a bit as one of the spiders (lucky me got one of the offers)
>die
>friend gets payday
>playday
>harold messages me after round ends
>admins had to nuke it
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

One Seven One · Thu Jun 08, 2017 1:28 am

Armhulen wrote:>i got an idea for an event!!
>spiders

I was the other spider!
Just from the two eggs we managed to lay we were becoming a problem.
The old nest got burned away in a plasma fire that took some of science and I think the captain down with it.
Before that happened I escaped in to the vents and began laying more eggs.
It didn't take long before we hit critical mass and an ERT team had to be sent in to nuke us.
All the spiders died.
But the spider eggs lived on and began hatching right after the nuke killed everyone.

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 5:02 am #305006

Armhulen wrote:>i got an idea for an event!!
>spawn one nurse spider
>spawn one ice spider
>offer to ghosts
>play for a bit as one of the spiders (lucky me got one of the offers)
>die
>friend gets payday
>playday
>harold messages me after round ends
>admins had to nuke it
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit

>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png

Post by **Armhulen** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 5:12 am #305013

Deitus wrote:
Armhulen wrote:>i got an idea for an event!!
>spawn one nurse spider
>spawn one ice spider
>offer to ghosts
>play for a bit as one of the spiders (lucky me got one of the offers)
>die
>friend gets payday
>playday
>harold messages me after round ends
>admins had to nuke it
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png

>offer to ghosts
>yes
>rng gives me it
>ok!

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 6:19 am #305033

Armhulen wrote:
Deitus wrote:
Armhulen wrote:>i got an idea for an event!!
>spawn one nurse spider
>spawn one ice spider
>offer to ghosts
>play for a bit as one of the spiders (lucky me got one of the offers)
>die
>friend gets payday
>playday
>harold messages me after round ends
>admins had to nuke it
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png
>offer to ghosts
>yes
>rng gives me it
>ok!

>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 11:28 am #305068

DemonFiren wrote:
Armhulen wrote:
Deitus wrote:
Armhulen wrote:>i got an idea for an event!!
>spawn one nurse spider
>spawn one ice spider
>offer to ghosts
>play for a bit as one of the spiders (lucky me got one of the offers)
>die
>friend gets payday
>playday
>harold messages me after round ends
>admins had to nuke it
>sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeit
>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png
>offer to ghosts
>yes
>rng gives me it
>ok!
>taking your own ghost role
disgust.png

Post by **Armhulen** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 3:33 pm #305175

Fine, I won't do that anymore, if it will let you sleep at night

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Thu Jun 08, 2017 3:39 pm #305177

not good enough
deadmin now

Muncher21 · Post by **Muncher21** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 5:59 am #307066

>Spawn as traitor CMO, steal moles of plasma
>Emag, silenced pistol and ammo
>Early on Oldman Robustin saws codwords, make contact on PDA
>Disguise in science maint, emag in, pistol two scientists
>Grab plasma, get away clean
>Intercept the two scientists at cloning, put them in the morgue
>Waiting it out, try to kill people when I can get away with it
>Try to kill a doctor, get robusted
>Takes me to surgery, cuts off all my arms and legs
>I'm doomed
>Oldman messages me on my PDA, he needs my hypospray
>My captor and his accomplice pretend to be me to lure him in
>They hide and after a super long wait robustin arrives
>Yell a warning as they jump out at him
>He kills them both with the revolver
>Puts my plasma in my bag and on my back
>Finds the hypo on a body
>Drags me to an escape pod
>Green text with no limbs

The entire baiting someone with a PDA was tense and fun.

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 6:30 pm #307328

This is kind of old but it was funny:

>roll tator
>see arm is online
>onlytrialmintiem4griff.jpg
>ask him to cut off both my legs in exchange for 2 tc
>being the dumb frog he is, he agrees
>buy a syndicate bomb
>spend like 10 minutes using chairs to grab supplies
>make a scooter
>plant bomb in arrivals
>scoot outta there
>clown disarms me off my scooter
>run from bomb on foot, er, hands
>bomb goes off, I'm close to it but everyone ignores me because I'm a legless cripple
>crawl into medbay
>with the 2 tc i traded for, i have enough for another syndiebomb
>buy one and plant it
>people call out that there's beeping and see me crawl from the scene of the crime
>ignore me, because I'm just a legless cripple
>bomb goes off, obliterating medbay
>never get caught

I did this two rounds in a row (lucky tator rolls) until Arm decided to stop trading with me

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 6:32 pm #307331

>find an otamatone cover of All Star in the discord
>ogg it
>https://file.house/5diz.ogg (it's fucking hilarious)
>get Arm to play it
>next round i roll tator
>trade all my tc to get Arm to turn me into a frog with 200 health
>he sets my attack sound to the entire 2 minute ogg
>?????
>profit

Post by **Armhulen** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 6:54 pm #307353

tacolizard wrote:>find an otamatone cover of All Star in the discord
>ogg it
>https://file.house/5diz.ogg (it's fucking hilarious)
>get Arm to play it
>next round i roll tator
>trade all my tc to get Arm to turn me into a frog with 200 health
>he sets my attack sound to the entire 2 minute ogg
>?????
>profit

I was laughing so fucking hard holy shit

I liked how you died to the AI after sitting in its core for TWO MINUTES without destroying the apc holy shit that was dumb

And then you whined that you lost your traitor round for THIS

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 8:30 pm #307425

Armhulen wrote:
tacolizard wrote:>find an otamatone cover of All Star in the discord
>ogg it
>https://file.house/5diz.ogg (it's fucking hilarious)
>get Arm to play it
>next round i roll tator
>trade all my tc to get Arm to turn me into a frog with 200 health
>he sets my attack sound to the entire 2 minute ogg
>?????
>profit
I was laughing so fucking hard holy shit

I liked how you died to the AI after sitting in its core for TWO MINUTES without destroying the apc holy shit that was dumb

And then you whined that you lost your traitor round for THIS

I forgot how to kill the AI and then i got salty. I also forgot you gave me hands, so I could've used medkits to heal myself

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 8:32 pm #307429

Armhulen wrote:
tacolizard wrote:>find an otamatone cover of All Star in the discord
>ogg it
>https://file.house/5diz.ogg (it's fucking hilarious)
>get Arm to play it
>next round i roll tator
>trade all my tc to get Arm to turn me into a frog with 200 health
>he sets my attack sound to the entire 2 minute ogg
>?????
>profit
I was laughing so fucking hard holy shit

I liked how you died to the AI after sitting in its core for TWO MINUTES without destroying the apc holy shit that was dumb

And then you whined that you lost your traitor round for THIS

The best part is how attack sounds get slowed down, sped up and pitch shifted to make them sound unique. I started crying when one of my attacks made the ogg play super slow at a satanically low pitch.

Post by **Armhulen** » Mon Jun 12, 2017 8:33 pm #307431

tacolizard wrote:
Armhulen wrote:
tacolizard wrote:>find an otamatone cover of All Star in the discord
>ogg it
>https://file.house/5diz.ogg (it's fucking hilarious)
>get Arm to play it
>next round i roll tator
>trade all my tc to get Arm to turn me into a frog with 200 health
>he sets my attack sound to the entire 2 minute ogg
>?????
>profit
I was laughing so fucking hard holy shit

I liked how you died to the AI after sitting in its core for TWO MINUTES without destroying the apc holy shit that was dumb

And then you whined that you lost your traitor round for THIS
The best part is how attack sounds get slowed down, sped up and pitch shifted to make them sound unique. I started crying when one of my attacks made the ogg play super slow at a satanically low pitch.

YES THAT ONE NEAR THE BAR WAS FANTASTIC

LIKE A DEMON SHREK

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Fri Jun 16, 2017 1:04 am #309003

>latejoin assistant
>"MONKEYTIDE"
>"RUN"
>my time is now
>go into tool storage and make a spear
>stab a monkey
>FUCK there's a lot of them
>go back to make an IED
>get pissed off at the dumb new crafting because I'm used to tablecrafting
>figure it out (I was using cuffs and not a cable coil)
>officer walks past
>HELLO SIR I'M FIGHTING MONKEYS SIR
>they pin a medal to my chest
>THANK YOU SIR
>grab IED
>oh all the monkeys are dead and the shuttle is here
>get on
>leaves
>nothing interesting
>WHAT THE FUCK THERE'S LIKE 30 MONKEYS ON THE SHUTTLE NOW
>say my prayers
>a monkey opens the door to the medical room I'm in
>light the fuse
>it goes off instantly in my hand without warning
>blows my leg off and puts me into crit
>i'm laughing my fucking ass off

good round

tacolizard · Post by **tacolizard** » Fri Jun 16, 2017 8:02 am #309097

Qbopper wrote:>latejoin assistant
>"MONKEYTIDE"
>"RUN"
>my time is now
>go into tool storage and make a spear
>stab a monkey
>FUCK there's a lot of them
>go back to make an IED
>get pissed off at the dumb new crafting because I'm used to tablecrafting
>figure it out (I was using cuffs and not a cable coil)
>officer walks past
>HELLO SIR I'M FIGHTING MONKEYS SIR
>they pin a medal to my chest
>THANK YOU SIR
>grab IED
>oh all the monkeys are dead and the shuttle is here
>get on
>leaves
>nothing interesting
>WHAT THE FUCK THERE'S LIKE 30 MONKEYS ON THE SHUTTLE NOW
>say my prayers
>a monkey opens the door to the medical room I'm in
>light the fuse
>it goes off instantly in my hand without warning
>blows my leg off and puts me into crit
>i'm laughing my fucking ass off

good round

iirc IEDs have a random fuse between 1 and 8 seconds.