Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

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MrEousTranger
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MrEousTranger » #196570

Bottom post of the previous page:

> assistant
> Tom Simmons
> have hop change job title to DYLAN THE HACKER
> get insuls
> hacking tools
> run around station hacking the shit out of everything
> cluwne shows up
> say hi to cluwne
> pied
> OhFuck.wav
> tied up
> cluwne welderbombs me
> the fuck he knows i can still move right???
> faggot
> fails to hurt me
> cuck my way through the station
> be nice, make .357s for detective
> Survive for the duration of the round
> called for some reason?
> I didn't see a cult or other shit, weird
> notice an air tank in the corner
> see a firefighter ripley
> also see cluwne again
> i'm sure it was all a miss understanding
> shuttle about 2 launch
> BOOM
> clown erupts in flames MAXCAP BOMB!!!
> RUN TOWARDS CORNER!!!!
> GIBS EVERYWHERE ptsd.jpg
> hide next to oxy tank
> take wrench, wrench down tank, turn on heater.
> impaled in almost every limb
> firefighter ripleys still alive comes over joins me

FORGOTNAME was NIGGLES THE CLOWN the traitor

Objective #1: Steal jetpack SUCCESS
Objective #2: Kill Tom Simmons FAILED
Objective #3: Die heroically SUCCESS
One person on this planet wrote:Wow you're funny and original Eous
I don't play often but when I do I'm Kyp Astar normally a sec role unless I'm bored and go assistant.
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Armhulen
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Armhulen » #196571

MrEousTranger wrote:story
heroic
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Whoisthere
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Whoisthere » #196701

>late join lawyer
>stumble to the bar through a plasma fire
>see two abductors abducting a guy in the hall
Fiona Unk says, "Nice"
Fiona Unk says, "Fucking"
Roderick Archer puts the advanced baton into the backpack.
Fiona Unk says, "Aliens"
Fiona Unk says, "HEY HOW'S YOUR"
Roderick Archer shurgs
Fiona Unk says, "HYBRIDISATION PROGRAM"
Fiona Unk says, "GOING"
Roderick Archer emotes an OK
Fiona Unk says, "HOW MANY ANAL PROBES DOES IT TAKE"
Fiona Unk says, "TO UNDERSTAND CARBON BASED LIFE"
Fiona Unk says, "HUH"
A. J. Useless suddenly collapses
Roderick Archer makes a 666 with fingers
Sad elegy
Highly suitable for use in funerals
nsos
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by nsos » #197095

nsos wrote:i'm going to get my account permabanned at 1000
I have 1001 posts on this forum. Or 1002 with this one. This is, frankly, 1002 more posts than I've ever actually needed to make. I'm out.
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DemonFiren
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by DemonFiren » #197103

You'll be missed, or maybe not.
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non-lizard things:
Spoiler:
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imblyings
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by imblyings » #197139

>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes
The patched, dusty, trimmed, feathered mantle of evil +13.
onleavedontatme
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by onleavedontatme » #197142

imblyings wrote:>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes
EMERGENT GAMEPLAY
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Jazaen
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Jazaen » #197167

We need a plant producing anti-suffocation chemical.
Best plantpeople can do right now is to make healing mixes (omnizine and stuff), but they allow for only marginally longer travel.
I play:
SMAI-Reactivation (SybilAI)
SMAI-Revolutions (BagilAI)
: Endorsed by Poly, the Parrot! https://twitter.com/Poly_the_Parrot/sta ... 7588301825
Shannah Rader (Sybil geneticist)
Janette Hall (Bagil geneticist)
Also, I'm a Game Admin or something right now. You can tell me how I'm doing here
I seriously hope you don't make the same mistakes I have
Reece
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reece » #197176

Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.
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MrEousTranger
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MrEousTranger » #197191

> Tom Simmons again
> Detective
> Dick Tracy my way around the station for a while
> then my big job came up
> some assistant was saying he found a C4 in maint
> he actually did
> use my forensic scanner on it
> get the prints of someone who isn't that assistant
> run the prints through the database
> we got a match
> some doctor
> I check medical
> find the fucker
> taze, cuff, and drag to sec
> ask him what he knows about the bombs and what his motives were
> he tries to deny any involvement
> I try a tactic I learned at the detective school
> I get him a drink
> splash him with it
> and torch him with my lighter
> still not talking
> well now
> extinguish and burn patch him to full health
> I pull out liza
> my trusty chainsaw
> I cut off every limb
> he finally tells me that he has an accomplice
> thats all I need to know
> but then he told me the plan
> he had voice analyzers set up so when his accomplice yells
> "One day, while Andy was masturbating"
> all the bombs would go off
> I gave what was left of him to the chef
> ask HoS to run a search party through maint
> start a search party
> find him rigging a bomb
> he saxes around with a stetchkin picking off officers
> One bullet goes straight through the head of an officer
> hes standing still
> typing in chat...
> I know I can't stop him from activating the bomb
> so I pick it up and throw it at him
> "ONE DAY WHILE ANDY WAS MASTURBATING"
> BOOM
> a hole to space opens up sucking in gibs
> Cap gives me a medal for stopping a terrorist plot
> The forces of good are victorious once more.
One person on this planet wrote:Wow you're funny and original Eous
I don't play often but when I do I'm Kyp Astar normally a sec role unless I'm bored and go assistant.
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Not-Dorsidarf
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Not-Dorsidarf » #197311

Reece wrote:Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.
Pretty sure plants already do. It's just really small amounts
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kieth4 wrote: infrequently shitting yourself is fine imo
There is a lot of very bizarre nonsense being talked on this forum. I shall now remain silent and logoff until my points are vindicated.
Player who complainted over being killed for looting cap office wrote: Sun Jul 30, 2023 1:33 am Hey there, I'm Virescent, the super evil person who made the stupid appeal and didn't think it through enough. Just came here to say: screech, retards. Screech and writhe like the worms you are. Your pathetic little cries will keep echoing around for a while before quietting down. There is one great outcome from this: I rised up the blood pressure of some of you shitheads and lowered your lifespan. I'm honestly tempted to do this more often just to see you screech and writhe more, but that wouldn't be cool of me. So come on haters, show me some more of your high blood pressure please. 🖕🖕🖕
Reece
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reece » #197313

Not-Dorsidarf wrote:
Reece wrote:Grasstiles should produce oxygen until their tile has a breathable amount.
Pretty sure plants already do. It's just really small amounts
Huh, be cool if they do. I'll make a 1x1 room with an air an air alarm and see how much.
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Drynwyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Drynwyn » #197476

Kor wrote:
imblyings wrote:>caved in as a vault-plant person
>remember reed's teachings and use potassium from bananas along with water to blast through rocks
>know I'm horribly unrobust against lavaland mobs
>guess that killer tomatoes don't hurt plant people but will attack lavaland mobs
>it actually works

and for all of about three minutes I had an absolute blast throwing max potency glowberries down in tunnels while siccing killer tomatoes on the goliathes
EMERGENT GAMEPLAY
Going to pretend this was 100 percent intended result of adding plant faction to podfolk
In game, I play the A.I Firmware, the French cyborg C.U.R.I.E, Aubrie Allen, and the lizard scum Skulks-Through-Maintenance.
TheNightingale
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by TheNightingale » #197499

How do you use potassium and water to blast through rocks? The first time I tried it, the explosion just knocked me down. The second, it gibbed me and destroyed half the seed vault.
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #197511

the trick is to not blow things up with your hands
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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Reece
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reece » #197528

does splashing a beaker mix it?
If so then toss one beaker (or bucket) and then toss the next to blow it.
Jacough
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Jacough » #197984

> he had voice analyzers set up so when his accomplice yells
> "One day, while Andy was masturbating"
If voice analyzers can read shit over the radio it'd be kind of hilarious to set up a fuck ton of mass cap bombs around the library set to just that.
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Reece
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reece » #197987

They can, they can be set off by automated announcement system.
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Jegub
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Jegub » #198155

Jazaen wrote:We need a plant producing anti-suffocation chemical.
Space Tobacco contains salbutamol, isolate that and eat a bushel and you should be good for a while.
As far as using potassium to break out goes, I've been putting 50 units of water in the grinder's beaker next to the wall, standing adjacent and tipping in a full condiment bottle of potassium. There generally needs to be at least two of you lest you get maimed, or eaten by whatever's on the other side whilst unconscious, but with the option of repodding the only limiting factors are time and the possibility of destroying the beakers. Perhaps lots of 25/25 reactions would work, eliminating the need to risk beakers and reducing damage to the detonator.
Kudos to all involved in making botany so versatile, using killer tomatoes on lavaland sounds like a great defense alternative to gatfruit. I'm off to see if removing 'liquid contents' from them lets you throw an awakening one without destroying it.
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Stuffed Hyena
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Stuffed Hyena » #198666

Not so much a story of awesome but...

>Start round as QM
>Newbie CT tries to flash me
>Tell him to drop the flash and I'll forget it happened
>The madman drops it
>Chuck the flash into the recycler
>He spends the rest of the round building the maintbar into cargo office
>Admin forcefully ends the round
>He was the only revhead

TL;DR I stopped a Rev by asking nicely
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #198778

i love newfriend stories like that :)
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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MimicFaux
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MimicFaux » #199236

Tales from Spaaaaace!

Those with something to prove join up as security, those trying to help become doctors. People who want to do their own thing and never talk to anyone at all become botanists. And then there are those, to whom the Honk Life calls. A normal clown looking to spread some love and cheer.

I join late and see that the shuttle is already on its way. Alright, so what shenanigans can I get up to in ten minutes? I slip the Janitor for irony purposes and toss his keys into the disposals giving him an antagonizing honk before squeaking away. I feel warm and fuzzy inside as he curses me out over the radio. Now I've whetted my appetite for antics I've decided that teasing the janitor is entry-level stuff. I gather up some tools and prepare to break into the captains office! Now, I'm treading a line here, as non-antagonists shouldn't be doing antagonist things.
My goal is to add all access to my ID (but leaving the spare behind) if I can, and primarily, stealing the captains unique bed sheet to wear as a cape!
The caper goes off without a hitch, but there isn't any spare ID. Oh well. I escape back out into the halls, proudly wearing the fact I broke into the bridge on my back. I slip into the HoP's office and see if he left an ID in the console. Once again, no luck on the access. On a whim I plug my PDA into the painter and decorate my slippery device gold like the captains.
This gives me an idea and I decide to up my game once again; Stealing the captains hat!
Circling around I find him wandering they halls. Sidling up alongside him, I drop my PDA and pull him across it, slipping him. I immediately start to pry his hat off!
A nearby engineer sees my 'attack' and starts to help. Luckily he doesn't move me and interrupt my looting. The hat pops off and I put it on quick as can be before the engineer shoves me over. Now here is where the antics go from good, to great.
The captain was holding his own PDA when I slipped him, causing him to drop it. In the confusion he grabs MY gold PDA, and leaving his on the ground. I snatch it up and wear it, sure enough his all access ID is inside. The attempts to restrain me are getting frantic and I try to escape before the batons come out. Disposal chute? No dice, the engineer shoves me out of the way. Maint? Best bet! I dash into the dark tunnels with the captain hot on my heels.

Inspiration strikes and I turn off my flashlight plunging everyone into darkness. I *rest on the ground (removing unit collision) and the captain not realizing it, runs over me and makes chase deeper into the tunnels. I wait a couple minutes and turn my light again and with a feel of triumph stroll back into the halls. Wearing the captain's ID, hat, bed sheet like a cape I feel accomplished. I message him on my PDA.
Erick Jerome (Captain) => Head of Silliness (Clown): "Honk :o)"
By now the shuttle has docked and I squeak over to an escape pod with my treasure and ride off into the sunset.
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #200343

>roundstart
>swing by locker room
>see pax harassing miku about something
>pax runs off into south maint, says "HEY LAUSER CHECK THIS OUT" over radio
>we go into disposal grinder room, he throws the miku snowflake camo shorts into the grinder
>we have a good laugh with lots of hooting
>after laughs are done, pax goes:
>"What do I do now"
>"Maybe I will clean the station"
>"And light up maintenance"
>oh that's very thoughtful and producti--
>healing wand appears at his feet, healing staff at mine
>"GIVE ME THE FUCKING STAFF"
>my sides implode as we yakkety sax across the station and back
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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IcePacks
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by IcePacks » #200631

every day i get to kill someone with a staff of healing is a good day in my book
OOC: Deitus: tfw RL porn doesnt sexually excite me anymore
Reyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #201268

>Start round as Syndie HoP.
>Put pizza bombs in bridge.
> Realize you dont know how to set off pizza bombs.
>Give clown shitcurity access
>Give mime almost all access
>Get yelled at for clown forcefully doing sex change procedures on others.
> Get cutouts
>Put cutouts around bridge area,
> Get grenade.
>Nade the bridge!
>Time passes...
>Tesla-Kun goes loose.
>Evac arrives.
>We get the fuck out.
>Best round 10/10 would ignore syndie goals would ignore syndie goals again
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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D&B
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by D&B » #203330

>Join up as miner
>Captain Monroe calls me over for a promotion to captain
>Go in fully expecting a stab with a rapier, medicine is ready in pocket for injection.
>Comes to mining, strips, then gives me captain access
>wut
>We go to his office so I can finish changing
>As I change into proper attire, I hear someone hacking a door
>Go back into captain's main quarter
>See two crewmen break in and stun the captain
>Open fire on one of them, run out of bullets
>Think quickly and break out antique laser
>Laser the other one, kick the one in crit head in
>Coordinate with heads to secure cargo
>3 minutes later the revolution has been stopped, as the head rev died mysteriously.

:unknownman: :capid:
Spoiler:
[20:26:02]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Welp. It was just a prank bro isn't a very good excuse when it comes to unprovoked nonantag murder, but since this is your first time doing it and you seem to understand the problem instead of a bannu I'm just going to leave you with a warning. Please PLEASE don't do this again in the future, as funny as crackhead broken bottle memes can be. Alrighty? Do you have any input on this?
[20:26:39]ADMIN: PM: [censored]->[censored admin]: Alright, no problem. I have some input. Fuck my boy pussy.
[20:27:06]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Okay then. Have fun.
[20:31:29]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Excuse me?
J_Madison wrote: that's a stupid fucking stat
you don't play, you've never played
lying little shit with your bullshit stat
fuck you
ColonicAcid wrote:and with enough practise i too could blow my own dick so well that only the gods know how it feels.
Reyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #203399

>Nothing before this point matters
>Round is going too long
>Captain keeps recalling
Guess what the admin does to fix our problems
>admin spawns in an imovable rod and shoves it right up the captain's ass.
Best admin 2k16. Not even sarcastic right now, that was great admin work. You need a promotion francinum.


Gets even better though.

>Shittle finally arrives
>We wait for it to go
>When it goes, a huge chunk of it is missing
>When we arrive at centcomm, still missing in the renderland
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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ThanatosRa
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by ThanatosRa » #203716

Reyn wrote:>Nothing before this point matters

>admin spawns in an imovable rod and shoves it right up the captain's ass.
This should not kill the person, but it should render them unable to move or be moved. That way they cannot escape with the crew.
my forum gimmick is that no one knows who i am

gender is irrelevant NO UR IRRELEVANT
u a bish
y u heff 2 b med
Reyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #203734

ThanatosRa wrote:
Reyn wrote:>Nothing before this point matters

>admin spawns in an imovable rod and shoves it right up the captain's ass.
This should not kill the person, but it should render them unable to move or be moved. That way they cannot escape with the crew.
Ahh, It went right through them, Instakilling them. Be smitten shitty captain. :popcorn:
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
Reece
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reece » #205293

>bartender traitor.
> emag the machine to let me pop out atomic bombs all day every day.
> buy a syndicate bomb.
> spend twenty minutes giving out atomic bombs and shouting that theres bombs in the bar that need to be disarmed.
> everyone is sick of my pranks, need to take it to the next level, make a three piece girder set with the syndicate bomb on display
> scream for someone to come and disarm my bombs.
> One plucky lizard scientists runs in, sees the bomb and shouts for help.
> "it's just a prank dude" "not funny anymore" "shit meme"
> Watch as lizard desperately tries cutting down wall to reach the bomb.
> It goes off and rips the station a gaping new asshole.
> pranked.
> three more bombs go off.
> centcomm sends in hundreds of cameras for a pranking session.
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #205295

fucking glorious, i've always wanted to do something similar with toy swords and eswords
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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DemonFiren
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by DemonFiren » #205734

PKPenguin321 wrote:fucking glorious, i've always wanted to do something similar with toy swords and eswords
I can confirm that the e-sword variation of this prank works well enough to get the captain and half of security on your ass.
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non-lizard things:
Spoiler:
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InsaneHyena
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by InsaneHyena » #205787

> Round starts on a shit map.
> Crew is quickly driven insane by it's shittiness.
> Turns out, it's a nuke op round.
> Crew doesn't interfere with the operatives.
> Antags get their greentext, the crew gets the sweet release of death.
> Happy end.

Not talking about a specific round, happened way too many times to count.
Bring back papercult.

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Reyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #205850

InsaneHyena wrote:> Round starts on a shit map.
> Crew is quickly driven insane by it's shittiness.
> Turns out, it's a nuke op round.
> Crew doesn't interfere with the operatives.
> Antags get their greentext, the crew gets the sweet release of death.
> Happy end.

Not talking about a specific round, happened way too many times to count.
Dreamstation?
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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MimicFaux
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MimicFaux » #205990

This happened a couple nights ago in Sybil, Box Station.

I roll in as a traitor chaplain tasked with stealing the blueprints and escaping. Easy! I tuck myself into the confessional booth and order up a surplus crate for some private browsing time. Sifting through piles, I pick out the gems. Ammo.. Power sink.. Ooh! Detomax. Ammo.. stimpacks.. ammo.. Camera bug, stimpack.. Ah! Syndie bomb beacon. I dump my bible into the crate and fill it with stimpacks and explosives.
I dispose of what I'm not using and start scouting out the station. I spy Yana lingering near some vending machines and plot to blow her PDA and drag her into maint, stealing that engineering access to get close to my target. No, wait, the ID is in the PDA. No sense blowing my cover.

I move on and circle around the station. There's some people lined outside the HoP's office and an idea comes to me. Bomb the HoP line, loot the corpses for that sweet sweet access. I slip inside the closet across from tool storage and call down the bomb. I extract the bomb core and... Derp. I'm wearing my nullrod on my back. I've nowhere to put the payload. Uuuh... I leave the core hidden in the closet and decide to ditch the shell. The coast was clear when I checked, but Murphy's Law made plans. An assistant walks by and stopped to stare at the curious sight. I quickly shout out, 'I've disarmed the bomb!' And try to play the part of the hero. He buys it, for now. But follows me all the way to arrivals as I space the bomb casing.

Assistant: "wait' why didn't you give that to the detective for prints??"
Me: "...I am not a smart man."

There was also the fact I wasn't wearing gloves. Good riddance! I lose the assistant and select a can of pop for my IED detonator. Choices choices... Dr. Gib sounds appropriate. I have all the ingredients now for a quick, lethal blast of the HoPs office. One oxy closet later and I have a stealthy manner of transporting my bomb core... Except I forgot how goddamn suspicious it is for a chaplain to be dragging an oxy closet FNR. I pass by a security officer wearing a cargo armband in the hall. It was like he could smell the valid on me. I try to act nonchalant and keep my head down. He turns to follow. I keep moving, even stoppit occasionally to act like I'm indifferent to the officer. The taser comes out.

Engage maximum sax!

Between having a closet for cover. Random bystanders getting shot, and small amount of luck, I burn the entire clip. Baton time. Realizing I won't be able to shake him, I whip out the PDA and try to detomax him mid-sax, using the *fires the taser!* text to grab a name.
Running out of time as he closes the distance, and a crowd begins to gather, I decide to cut my losses. "Just take it!" I shout at the monitor; And shove the closet towards him.
I prime the IED, "and this too!"

Cue slow-motion explosion as I dive outside of gib radius. I'm instantly killed, but unlike my pursuer, I'm more than just a brain floating in a cloud of meat and blood. Bystanders mistake me for a victim and I'm hauled to medbay for cloning...
Several minutes later I'm back on my feet and healthy, although still only half-baked due to a lack of mannitol in cryo.

Security is there to greet me as I wake up.

Edward Sloan: "What happened?"
A doctor drags my mutilated, naked corpse to my feet and thoughtfully provides a spare change of clothes and shoes.
Me: "Ah sweet! My sword survived!"
Sloan: "Well?"
Me: "I don't know. There was an officer chasing--" Yana lounging by the snack machines came to mind. "--an atmos tech."
Sloan: "who?"
Me: "Didn't catch any names. Sorry, and then it all blew up."

I excuse myself and return to the scene of the crime. My PDA, and bible are still. A few drones scurrying over the area, patching the hole. I get weak from lack of oxygen and cold, but I recover my gear that survived.
It is at this point the shuttle it's called, as somehow both engines got loose. I cringe mentally imagining the singularity consuming my objective. With luck I find a Dead assistant, and use their ID to start exploring maintenance. At this time who should I discovered in dead husked. (Probably Tesla) but Yana! Gloves, toolbelt, and ID later I make my way into atmospherics where my luck changes for the better. That hardsuit is still there miraculously. Now space worthy, I head into the remains of Engineering. Closet is still there, things are looking up! I then realize I have no oxygen tank and must take a perilous leap through the wreckage holding my breath to salvage a tank. Made all the riskier because I was t healthy to begin with. With some careful salvage work, I secure for myself air, the CE's closet and an emitter.
Set everything up, only to find there isnt enough juice in the grid to fire the emitter. Okay...plan B. Grab everything and try again on the solar arrays. I arrive abd realize I don't have wire with me and begin to scavenge. Okay. Now, to calibrate the panels, fire the emitter, break the closet, steal the blue prints and escape! I draw my null-sword and smash my way in to the console.
Gah! I still have brain damage from cloning! Fighting between space wind and my own ineptitude, I smash at the console until it does what I want. At last my prize!
As I move forward to grab the prints, I brush up against the airlock and it opens. I forgot I had engineering access. Derp.

I prepare to make my escape when I realize the flaw in my plan. I have nowhere to actually put the damn thing. No backpack. So the shuttle is out of the question, maybe...
"Tesla at escape! Use the arrival pods!"
Okay. So crowding into a two-man pod with eight others also isn't going to fly.
I take a chance and hope against hope. I venture back into engineering... and to my genuine amazement, the singulo curved around the engie escape pod before digging into the station. A private pod!

So, when the pod launches and I'm in firm control of my greentext, like a big nerd I start singing the first verse of 'Come Sail Away' by Styx into the intercom as I ride off into the only success that round saw.
Last edited by MimicFaux on Wed Aug 24, 2016 7:58 pm, edited 3 times in total.
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MrEousTranger » #205999

Damn that's a genuinely awesome story, kudos to you for kicking ass.
One person on this planet wrote:Wow you're funny and original Eous
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Cuboos
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Cuboos » #206156

>be clown ling
>steal 8 genomes
>escape alive
>easy peasy lemon squeazy
>clown around, stealth sting people
>sneak into hops office and trip him for some yuks.
>stealth sting
>escape
>clown around a bit more
>suddenly some shittler named Todd starts beating the shit out of me
>did nothing to raise suspicion.
>apparent he's working for the HoP
> starts shoving me into a straight jacket
>start looting all my shit
> says it's for "slipping the HoP"
> nuh uh no the punishment doesn't fit the crime
>He starts dragging me around the station beating me
>fake arm-blade sting him
>hop sees, batons him
>lasers him to death
>kek harder than i have ever keked before.
>HoP clones me, apologies for his lackey
>round end
>green text
>(⌐■ ͜ʖ■) mfw
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DemonFiren
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by DemonFiren » #206160

Here's a rule: guys named Todd are always assholes.
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non-lizard things:
Spoiler:
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D&B
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by D&B » #206628

>Miner
>Find legion soul, go to medbay to get it implanted
>Medbay doors open, see the two doctors laying on the floor
>Tell them I need surgery, they go to sleep
>Soul's clock is ticking
>Ask Suki to implant it in me since she was near, she says ok
>All the surgery tools are gone
>What.png
>Start waking one of the doctors to ask them where the tools are
>They just go back to sleep
>Stab one a couple times to get its attention
>The other doctor whips out a saw and starts attacking me
>Beat his head in, morphine him, straightjacket him, pull him to surgery to get the tools
>The other sleeping doctor (A lizard) comes in with a syringe gun
>They're absolutely horrible, I disarm them of it and shoot them with their own fun mix
>Drag the useless shitbag in a straightjacket to the captain, gives the ok for torture since he was being useless.
>Take out their blood with a syringe, go get them cloned
>Lizard died to its own chem mix
>Lizard is being cloned
>I explain to the geneticist what happened
>He agrees to their punishment
>Clone them, heal them, restrain them, shove them in genetics locker, lock it, weld it, wrap it (With cap's approval.)
>Now they can be useless in peace
>Later on, while mining
>get a bwoink of an admin asking why I attacked the lizard
>Explain, they say oh ok
>Round ends
>Lizard was a traitor
>I was their objective

Felt really bizarre, honestly.
Spoiler:
[20:26:02]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Welp. It was just a prank bro isn't a very good excuse when it comes to unprovoked nonantag murder, but since this is your first time doing it and you seem to understand the problem instead of a bannu I'm just going to leave you with a warning. Please PLEASE don't do this again in the future, as funny as crackhead broken bottle memes can be. Alrighty? Do you have any input on this?
[20:26:39]ADMIN: PM: [censored]->[censored admin]: Alright, no problem. I have some input. Fuck my boy pussy.
[20:27:06]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Okay then. Have fun.
[20:31:29]ADMIN: PM: [censored admin]->[censored]: Excuse me?
J_Madison wrote: that's a stupid fucking stat
you don't play, you've never played
lying little shit with your bullshit stat
fuck you
ColonicAcid wrote:and with enough practise i too could blow my own dick so well that only the gods know how it feels.
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #206765

>walking through maint
>suddenly white flash and im in crit
>i got PDA bombed
>oh and there's a breach
>apparently PDA bomb also blew up a welding fuel tank that happened to be next to me
>both arms are gone
>die from resultant breach

i laughed a lot
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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onleavedontatme
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by onleavedontatme » #206794

>sign up really late as a medical doctor
>see HoP crawling around with no legs, follow him as he crawls to his office (watching from the line)
>captain runs in, kills Ian, cuts off his right arm
>HoP crawls clear, buckles himself to his chair, pulls out his egun, disables and lasers the captain to death
>cuts off all the captains limbs with the sabre
>stuffs the captains limbs into his bag
>I whisk him away to the holodeck medical, evading security as they swarm the office
>graft all the captains limbs on to him
>he runs off to punch cultists

Most amazing kill I've seen in ages
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RandolfTheMeh
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by RandolfTheMeh » #206800

This was a while ago, so traitors still had pens with zombie powder in them, and they were refillable. Plus chloral wasn't shit.
>Spent about half-a-year without any antags toggled, decided to try traitor
>Finally roll as M.D., my target's a chemist.
>Fairly well-known as M.D., HoP agrees immediately to me getting chemistry and genetics access.
>I get back, my target just runs out before I can prepare anything.
>Cook up a shit-ton of chloral, buy a pen
>CMO runs by, I pen him, take him to surgery and remove his brain.
>Hide his brain in my bag, his body in a locker
>I literally got BWOINKED BY AN ADMIN, ASKING WHAT THE HELL I WAS DOING
>Reply that I'm a traitor, have a chuckle at their reaction
>Now with the hypospray and a shit-ton of chloral, I pick off the medical staff as they run by surgery, debraining them, and run up a collection of bodies and brains
>At this point, it's been forever since I've seen any chemists, let alone my target, I decide to buy a cham projector and let the murdering subside
>Another M.D. is about to run in, I cloak as a box right by the operating table
>They discover all the bodies and start investigating the room, completely ignoring the out-of-place box sitting right next to the operating table
>They leave, and then contact me about their discovery. We start working to revive the CMO, going so far as to pod-person the CMO, which obviously didn't work because no brain
>This goes on, loving the feeling of stealth traitor
>Shuttle finally on its way, about to leave. I just assume the chemist ran off and died doing fuck-all.
>About to leave, my target FINALLY SHOWS BACK UP IN CHEMISTRY
>Inject him with the force of 100u chloral
>Debrain him, run off to escape
>Other MD is there, I ask them if they had any luck reviving the CMO
>"Nope, couldn't find his brain"
>"Oh? Gee, that's too bad"
>Greentext

Felt great in the end. Especially since murderbone traitoring back then was defined by ebow + esword or just harmbatoning everyone you came across.
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MimicFaux » #206980

An older story.

Admin-observing over a round of Basil. Looking to be a pretty quite night as everyone settles into their roles. I glance at the rounds antags and noticed one of them is already dead. A virologist committed suicide in the airlock bisecting the maint passage. What's more is that he left a suicide note. I scoot my ghost closer to take a look out of habit.

The poor guy took the time to write a tale of regrets and woes how the Syndicate had contracted him to murder his co-workers and that he didn't have the heart to follow through and feared retribution so he took his own life. Pretty elaborate stuff. So I take it a step further.

I whisk off to the Syndie base and spawn myself in as Agent Theta, who some of you know as the Syndicate Coordinator.
(A side gimmick I run for peeps who buy encryption keys). I load up the Infiltrator and fly off to the station. In a basic Syndie space suit, and a few charges of C4 I recover the Vito's corpse and leave a second note beside his own. Detailing how the Syndicate do not forgive, and that death is no excuse for failure.

The extraction went smoothly and undetected. Back at the home base, I have the virologist's body cuffed and tied to a chair in the bathroom. I revive him. Bless his heart, he plays the part of being bewildered and scared. I play the part of the syndicate employer, and ask him if he completed his mission. He says no. I ask why. He answers he was a coward. I take out my pistol and shoot him in the leg, asking if that's his final answer. He screams yes, and I leave him alone in the bathroom while I think of an appropriate punishment for a turncoat.

Bioterror Chem-sprayer.

I hose him down with a full cartridge of the nastiest viruses the Syndicate have access too and bid him farewell. Telling him his genetic code will be saved for a future date when he is needed again. I then close and weld the bathroom door while he has his heart attack.

i return to my ghostly observer form and am greeted by Kor who enjoyed the show, the crazy bastard told me how we should have taken it a step further and created a fictional family for him to witness get killed. Good times.
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #206981

MimicFaux wrote:An older story.

Admin-observing over a round of Basil. Looking to be a pretty quite night as everyone settles into their roles. I glance at the rounds antags and noticed one of them is already dead. A virologist committed suicide in the airlock bisecting the maint passage. What's more is that he left a suicide note. I scoot my ghost closer to take a look out of habit.

The poor guy took the time to write a tale of regrets and woes how the Syndicate had contracted him to murder his co-workers and that he didn't have the heart to follow through and feared retribution so he took his own life. Pretty elaborate stuff. So I take it a step further.

I whisk off to the Syndie base and spawn myself in as Agent Theta, who some of you know as the Syndicate Coordinator.
(A side gimmick I run for peeps who buy encryption keys). I load up the Infiltrator and fly off to the station. In a basic Syndie space suit, and a few charges of C4 I recover the Vito's corpse and leave a second note beside his own. Detailing how the Syndicate do not forgive, and that death is no excuse for failure.

The extraction went smoothly and undetected. Back at the home base, I have the virologist's body cuffed and tied to a chair in the bathroom. I revive him. Bless his heart, he plays the part of being bewildered and scared. I play the part of the syndicate employer, and ask him if he completed his mission. He says no. I ask why. He answers he was a coward. I take out my pistol and shoot him in the leg, asking if that's his final answer. He screams yes, and I leave him alone in the bathroom while I think of an appropriate punishment for a turncoat.

Bioterror Chem-sprayer.

I hose him down with a full cartridge of the nastiest viruses the Syndicate have access too and bid him farewell. Telling him his genetic code will be saved for a future date when he is needed again. I then close and weld the bathroom door while he has his heart attack.

i return to my ghostly observer form and am greeted by Kor who enjoyed the show, the crazy bastard told me how we should have taken it a step further and created a fictional family for him to witness get killed. Good times.


THe BIOTERROR CHEM SPRAYER. Sounds fun for an event
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by PKPenguin321 » #206986

MimicFaux wrote:An older story.

Admin-observing over a round of Basil. Looking to be a pretty quite night as everyone settles into their roles. I glance at the rounds antags and noticed one of them is already dead. A virologist committed suicide in the airlock bisecting the maint passage. What's more is that he left a suicide note. I scoot my ghost closer to take a look out of habit.

The poor guy took the time to write a tale of regrets and woes how the Syndicate had contracted him to murder his co-workers and that he didn't have the heart to follow through and feared retribution so he took his own life. Pretty elaborate stuff. So I take it a step further.

I whisk off to the Syndie base and spawn myself in as Agent Theta, who some of you know as the Syndicate Coordinator.
(A side gimmick I run for peeps who buy encryption keys). I load up the Infiltrator and fly off to the station. In a basic Syndie space suit, and a few charges of C4 I recover the Vito's corpse and leave a second note beside his own. Detailing how the Syndicate do not forgive, and that death is no excuse for failure.

The extraction went smoothly and undetected. Back at the home base, I have the virologist's body cuffed and tied to a chair in the bathroom. I revive him. Bless his heart, he plays the part of being bewildered and scared. I play the part of the syndicate employer, and ask him if he completed his mission. He says no. I ask why. He answers he was a coward. I take out my pistol and shoot him in the leg, asking if that's his final answer. He screams yes, and I leave him alone in the bathroom while I think of an appropriate punishment for a turncoat.

Bioterror Chem-sprayer.

I hose him down with a full cartridge of the nastiest viruses the Syndicate have access too and bid him farewell. Telling him his genetic code will be saved for a future date when he is needed again. I then close and weld the bathroom door while he has his heart attack.

i return to my ghostly observer form and am greeted by Kor who enjoyed the show, the crazy bastard told me how we should have taken it a step further and created a fictional family for him to witness get killed. Good times.
good stuff
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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Reyn
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #207224

>start round as borg
>Git batteries upgraded.
>Revs yo.
>get law 2'd into letting revs into upload.
>Only revs are human.
>Ograv killed rin i guess
>Ograv pins rin on a meathook
>Pinned the rin.
>We hunt down the RD, who has almost starved to death behind his walls in the back end of xenobio.
>Kill him
>Win, Greentext


Most importantly

>Rin was pinned.
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by MimicFaux » #207319

Box station, ordinary clown.
Honk about, making people paranoid following them. Get some delightfully masterful slips in via thrown soap. Get botany access, start growing bananas. Ah, the simple sweetness of the Honk life.

*beep* Hey clown, come to genetics for super powers.

Is it a trap? Probably. Am I still going? Hell yes. I put my soap down on the ground in front of medbay lobby and lay down on top of it. Honk synthesizer at the ready, I slip two people this way before the geneticist finally comes for me.
Nothing comes of the geneticist. His idea of a prank was making me wait and giving me an empty SE. Jokes on him though! A clean SE is still technically a super clown! I make a show of pretending to be hulked and stomp off growling at people. I water flower an officer and he returns the favour with a taser shot. I cry out fun police.

I head to the bar to pick up the spare pie. The HoP is behind the counter mixing a drink and I ask him for the pie. He agrees and lines up laterally with me. I get a feeling.
*Grumpy HoP has thrown the banana cream pie!
*Head of Silliness has caught the banana cream pie!
I honk my horn and thank him for the pie, and squeak away leaving him bested.

(Dead guy)"Help! Ebow!"
(Literally everyone else) "okay, where?"

Turns out, I'm the first on the scene by the teleporter. I throw down my soap by the door with a traitor wearing the captains space suit just inside. He shoots out the door and I take a hit. Someone runs in to try and stop him, slipping on my soap. The traitor vanishes through the hand-Tele portal. I get up, and follow because that's the smart thing.
Now on the bridge the traitor tries to teleport again, I follow, this time pie at the ready. We both end up in the little space window in front of the bridge, a chemist watching.
I'm faster on the draw and pie him in the face, I grab his e bow and start shooting him repeatedly, slowly dying to the cold. I put on my oxy tank to delay the inevitable. Eat my banana for the healing. Use my medipen, anything and everything to buy me the time to keep putting shots into this guy. Eventually we both go into crit and I die with a long mournful honk.
The chemist, having watched this entire exchange is crying out for help trying to break the window, heralding me as a hero, the detective and HoP manage to drag my body out for cloning. Not bad for a day's work.
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Reyn » #207436

>Start as scientist.
>Need someone for ai? sure, i become ai.
>Brought to upload, no problem.
>Ion storm
>YOU MUST HARM MONKEYS AND MUST PREVENT THEM FROM ESCAPING HARM
>Yay
>PANIC SIPHON ALL THE MONKEY AREAS
>some asshat gives me combat software to keel the monkies.
>KILL THE MONKIES MORE
>Singulo eats monkies....
>"My work here is done"
I play Trevor Fea on Bagil, And Giorno Giovanna on terry. Yes, I'm THAT raging asshole. Sorry for being such a cunt.
Have I told you how much I hate engineering, by the way?
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by InsaneHyena » #207500

> Be me
> Be scientist
> Make rainbow slimes, yellow slimes, gold slimes, shit slimes, slime slimes...
> Just leave mind transfer potions, eternal batteries and headslugs lying around
> People turn into lings left and right
> Okay, it was actually just three people, but still
> A space ninja arrives to the station!
> Space ninja finds eternal batteries
> Space ninja now has limitless jaunt and cloak.
> I'll let your imagination do the rest.
Bring back papercult.

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by Ricotez » #207526

InsaneHyena wrote:> Be me
> Be scientist
> Make rainbow slimes, yellow slimes, gold slimes, shit slimes, slime slimes...
> Just leave mind transfer potions, eternal batteries and headslugs lying around
> People turn into lings left and right
> Okay, it was actually just three people, but still
> A space ninja arrives to the station!
> Space ninja finds eternal batteries
> Space ninja now has limitless jaunt and cloak.
> I'll let your imagination do the rest.
Genji gets PotG
MimicFaux wrote:I remember my first time, full of wonderment and excitement playing this game I had heard so many stories about.
on the arrival shuttle, I saw the iconic toolbox on the ground. I clubbed myself in the head with it trying to figure out the controls.
Setting the tool box, now bloodied, back on the table; I went to heal myself with a medkit. I clubbed myself in the head with that too.
I've come a long ways from asking how to switch hands.
Spoiler:
#coderbus wrote:<MrPerson> How many coders does it take to make a lightbulb? Three, one to make it, one to pull the pull request, and one to fix the bugs
Kor wrote:The lifeweb playerbase is primarily old server 2 players so technically its our cancer that invaded them
peoplearestrange wrote:Scared of shadows whispers in their final breath, "/tg/station... goes on the tabl..."
DemonFiren wrote:Please, an Engineer's first response to a problem is "throw it into the singulo".
tedward1337 wrote:Donald Trump is literally what /pol/ would look like as a person
CrunchyCHEEZIT wrote:why does everything on this server have to be a federal fucking issue.
Saegrimr wrote:One guy was running around popping hand tele portals down in the halls before OPs even showed up and got several stranded out on lavaland.
The HoP just toolboxes someone to death out of nowhere, then gets speared by a chemist who saw him murder a guy, then the chemist gets beaten to death because someone else saw him kill the HoP.
Tele-man somehow dies and gets its looted by an atmos tech who managed to use it to send two nuke ops to lavaland, who were then surrounded by several very angry people from earlier and some extra golems on top of it.
Captain dies, gets cloned/revived, lasers the guy holding the disk into crit to take it back.
Some idiot tries to welderbomb the AI hiding out at mining for no discernible reason.
Two permabans and a dayban, i'm expecting a snarky appeal from one of them soon. What the fuck.
ShadowDimentio wrote:I am the problem
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calzilla1
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:55 pm
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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Post by calzilla1 » #207559

Not really awesome, but funny as hell.
>be sci
>fuck around with experimentor
>get board
>time to purple tide
>steal a tazer
>fuck around, taunting sec
>go to med bay and see an assistant being annoying and doing harm
>target acquired
>he has a stun baton
>unload but miss
>come back and give the baton to botany
>take off head set and drag to the expirimentor chamber
>Harambe Jr.
>lock me and him in and start "feeding" him twinkies and talking to him while he keep screaming for my death
>in walks another scientist
>she goes in and unlocks my baby
>realize I'm freezeing to death
>realize he's an actual monkey now
>later me and the detective try and insinerate him
>me and the detective are now brains and the northern chapple is a big hole
Life is too short for anything meaningful and too long for anything memeingful
Super Aggro Crag wrote: The best shitpost youll ever be responsible for will be your obituary.
Quality debate brought to you by ColonicAcid wrote:imagine having this little empathy

do you have autism bud? does your brain not see these people as humans? are they just a faceless statistic to you?
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