/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

I've learned a new word today.

I'd say next time make a Potato battery and put that in the fucker.

>BWOINK
>Are you metagrudging this poor player?

InsaneHyena wrote:>BWOINK
>Are you metagrudging this poor player?

You know, I JUST thought of that.

I will amend to state, "next time he's acting like a dick." But that's still bad.

>Be me
>traitor doc on meta
>Kill Plasma-man chemist
>die glorious death
>OH BOY THIS COULD NOT BE EASIER
>buy syndicate bomb
>remove core
>put in back pack
>make IED
>put in back pack
>wait a few minutes so we don't have to wait 20 minutes for the shuttle to be called
>enough time passes
>chemistry door open
>target in side
>it's time
>rush in
>light IED
>put in back pack
>"sup guys what's going on"
>IED explodes
>i get lit on fire
>the payload doesn't explode
>wait what...
>die from fire and other ligger chemist's claws
>why...
>i thought IEDs could detonate a syndicate payload...
>Ligger chemists spaces my body
>it travels across a few z-levels before returning to the station
>suddenly hear distant explosion
>No...
>rush to chemistry
>chemistry is gone, nothing but a big hole now
>Wat
>Holy shit... that was quite a delay...
>Did it get my target?
>Nope
>He's off fucking around on the holodeck
>God
>fucking
>damn
>it.
>Round ends...
>He survived...


WHY DOES THIS GAME HATE ME SO MUCH?

>Round already started
>Joins in as assistant
>Vent explores
>Gets put into the revolution shitstorm
>messes around
>finds dead body on fire
>Puts out fire
>Takes backpack
>Flamethrower, plasma tanks and... the reactive teleport armor?
>Put dat shit on Right nao.
>Runs around burning people
>Almost dies
>Gets almost saved
>Miner i nearly killed stabs me to death and spaces my corpse
>Stuck in space
>Reactive teleport armor is also stuck in space.
>Fucking Brilliant
>Game crashes

> Round start, hoping to be engineer
> Cargo dude. fuck that
> GO to get borged
>Getting borged takes forever
>Has to be slaved to new ai before being borged for whatever reason
>new ai requests that his laws get changed so he can mass murder people. I'm not even fucking kidding, those were the actual words.
>Destroys ai i'm slaved to due to law 1 not letting human harm potentially happen.
>Gets into argument with fellow borg
>Gets blown my Murderbone scientist
>Brain is tossed around for a while
>Dead for most of the round or just in a personal hell of no moving.
>Fucking newbs dont understand law 1

Strangely this story lacks a "and then I pressed F1" line

cedarbridge wrote:Strangely this story lacks a "and then I pressed F1" line

FOrgot that part. Pressed f1 to tell admins of the shit which was going down. forgot that part. sorry about being a dick

Reyn wrote:

cedarbridge wrote:Strangely this story lacks a "and then I pressed F1" line

FOrgot that part. Pressed f1 to tell admins of the shit which was going down. forgot that part. sorry about being a dick

I was implying that this could have been solved by just ahelping and having it sorted out.

He is sort of implying sarcasm because he did fucking ahelp and IT DIDNT WORK

Reyn wrote:> Round start, hoping to be engineer
> Cargo dude. fuck that
> GO to get borged
>Getting borged takes forever
>Has to be slaved to new ai before being borged for whatever reason
>new ai requests that his laws get changed so he can mass murder people. I'm not even fucking kidding, those were the actual words.
>Destroys ai i'm slaved to due to law 1 not letting human harm potentially happen.
>Gets into argument with fellow borg
>Gets blown my Murderbone scientist
>Brain is tossed around for a while
>Dead for most of the round or just in a personal hell of no moving.
>Fucking newbs dont understand law 1

Is the round where there were two brains I tried to clone and a very poor security officer arrested, searched, beat me to crit, and took me, and the brains to cargo for implanting?

That was pretty poor round by a lot of people

Be playing mime in hopes of advanced mime traitoring.
I get it, after many frustrating "do I break the mime vow to cult or not" rounds
Sleeping Carp on discount
PEW PEW, I am a retarded combat god, running around causing shit and leaving people in crit or bleeding everywhere
A ling asks to team up, so I toss him the detective baton
Dragged to security with perma twackings from the baton and executed.
Can't call him out as a ling since I'm a mime.

t r a i t o r a n d l i n g a r e n o t t e a m a n t a g s

>Playing as scientist, doing RND
Gets the prototype suit from the location other than the office
>RD has a quarrel with me
>COntinues working
>Rd comes back
>Knocks me down and puts me on a table (Attacks me)
>I grab my plasma cutter and warning shot
>He keeps going, disarms me, and starts firing at me.
>Borg belives that he didnt shoot me, even though my vitals should say otherwise
>He continues fighting me, and i run
>fall unconcious
>MEdborg hauls me away, but he gets me and hauls me around
>Medborg brings me to medbay after getting me back and tries to cryostasis me
>No, i cant have good things, RD prevents me from being healed and lets me die
>Finally gets revived, cult.
>Dies later due to corperate lawset being abused.
>Fun.

>stalked entire round
>gets spaced several times by changeling cunts with hand teles
>lavaland syndies made AI lock down station
>I get spaced on shuttle as I try to deal with a random xeno infestation out of fucking nowhere
>all this on a round I rolled traitor
[youtube]3KquFZYi6L0[/youtube]

>roll det cus i can
>sec is composed of me and the warden
>round goes somewhat quietly
>HoS shows up
>he didn't join he was just promoted
>HoS passes out from cryo
>panic and run him down to medical
>cigarette burns out
>go to relight it
>oh hey it's the ward-
>warden unloads 5 shotgun lethals into me in the middle of medbay
>"Haha got the ling"
>what
>body is dragged to brig
>turns out the warden was a ling who fucking loyalty implanted himself
>Hos joins for real and then gets instakilled by the lings
>entire sec team is lings now
>they go around killing 95% of the station slower than a fat lady walks to walmart
>one of them has to kill the ai and fucks up horribly
>basically he got robusted by a talking box when you think about it
>after about forty minutes in deadchat the round finally fucking ends
>every single fucking changeling redtexted
I WANT MY TIME BACK

edit: bonus fun happenings that round
one of the lings got robusted by a fucking space carp
the same ling got robusted twice by a greyshirt traitor
the lings tried to subvert the ai but suck ass at making laws

>oldman ro-ling-in does a fun gimmick

>OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T GREENTEXT

the real rage tears regret

Armhulen wrote:>oldman ro-ling-in does a fun gimmick

>OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T GREENTEXT

the real rage tears regret

well they do say it aint easy being green right

SpaceInaba wrote:

Armhulen wrote:>oldman ro-ling-in does a fun gimmick

>OH MY GOD THEY DIDN'T GREENTEXT

the real rage tears regret

well they do say it aint easy being green right

ayyyyyyyyyyy

> "lings all join hands and roflstomp the empty security then slowly abuse people's trust of sec to kill the entire station" isn't a gimmick it was 90% of ling rounds a few months back

Armhulen wrote:>oldman ro-ling-in does a fun gimmick

That gimmick just sounds shit tbh. It's only fun for the lings.

Essentially the Changelings move into the empty brig and re-enact Lovecrafts The Shadow over Innsmouth as they rampage around the station.

Either the rounds ends with the shuttle being called when they are satisifed, or Centcom decides to re-enact the US Military part of The Shadow over Innsmouth and blow the fuck out of the lings.

Steelpoint wrote:Essentially the Changelings move into the empty brig and re-enact Lovecrafts The Shadow over Innsmouth as they rampage around the station.

Either the rounds ends with the shuttle being called when they are satisifed, or Centcom decides to re-enact the US Military part of The Shadow over Innsmouth and blow the fuck out of the lings.

it's okay that book was awesome even though the fishpeople should have won

Abusing people's trust in security as a changeling is hilarious, the warden didn't bat an eye when I dragged three people in a row through the brig while harmbatonning them. I just kept shouting LING LING LING. Was fun

We spawned as three nukies and decided to go stealth.

I get on station, the two others wander off. I try to hail the two others, no response. I go for the captain and fuck that up because I am an unrobust cunt. I die, and then I learn from deadchat that the two others died from a lack of air in maintenance, where we landed. No internals.

They send another team of fluke ops to succeed where we absolutely fucking failed and they fluke aswell. The captain went for the ship to blast them and got blasted by a turret instead.

It was a congaline of shit. I still had fun though so I guess it's not as much rage and tears as it is "wew lad"

Limey wrote:We spawned as three nukies and decided to go stealth.

I get on station, the two others wander off. I try to hail the two others, no response. I go for the captain and fuck that up because I am an unrobust cunt. I die, and then I learn from deadchat that the two others died from a lack of air in maintenance, where we landed. No internals.

They send another team of fluke ops to succeed where we absolutely fucking failed and they fluke aswell. The captain went for the ship to blast them and got blasted by a turret instead.

It was a congaline of shit. I still had fun though so I guess it's not as much rage and tears as it is "wew lad"

>be me
>second op team
>literally no supplies
>have to pray from a clown mask to use as internals
>kill like two people
>captain has a headset for SOME REASON grr
>knows our whole strat
>everyone knows
>cap challenges me to a fight
>accept
>we both lose

>Be AI
>Do AI things for five minutes
>Witness Spaceman Johnson break inexplicably appear in the caps office with an axe and destroy the APC, eventually breaking out of the bridge after 5 extra minutes of bashing the doors down whilst I call for sec, who completely ignore me
>He decides it's good revenge to destroy all my cams and call me a faggot (???)
>The SM is announcing that it's deliminating at the same time but I'm not paying attention because I assume engineering have it under control
>Call for sec to arrest johnson for several things
>Still ignored
>"FOR FUCK SAKES YOU FUCKING CUNTS ARREST HIM ALREADY"
>"Sorry mime broke into armory have to deal with him."
>Armory has no visible break in signs so the mime somehow got into the armory, never found out how
>Sec officer finally goes after the guy after 2 extra minutes of asking for them to do it, but he's too late by a massive margin and gives up instantly
>Ask borg to repair cams but spaceman bashed the cams off the wall so the frames are broken
>FML.jpeg
>Ask sec to fix my cams but they NEVER do
>At this time the supermatter explodes, just in time for a changeling monkey with EMP's to come into my core and show me a good time.
>Somehow manage to survive long enough to get APC power back on and lethal the cuck.
>Borg was responsive for once, thank god, and manages to rescue my ass in the nick of time
>Borg accidentally leaves me behind during teleportation and subjects me to a minute of "oh shit I'm dead" as the monkey revives and EMP's me again, but the borg shows up and locks it in my core with wielded vents and lethals on forever.
>He never escapes and is there at the round end
>Meanwhile, I'm teleported into the courtroom and left without a radio whilst the borg fucks off to fix comms and the SM explosion site
>During this time some engineer in a cardborg suit shitalks me in escape and says he didnt help me because I didnt fix the SM, he cuts cameras and spaces a holopad for some reason
>I also look at security to see something that really got my almonds activated
>The whole of security, the captain and klara ellstrom are all having a fun time shooting eachother with disablers and playing dress up
>They've been doing this the whole time I've been asking for help and dying,
>Would get angry at them but decide to leave it and haul my ass to a pod since the shuttle got called
>Get into the sec pod with the help of a borg and witness a cargo tech succ a guy in sec maint
>Send the borg over to stop it, it fails due to inexplicably being unable to figure out how to open an airlock and the ling escapes.
>Shuttle arrives and an early launch happens
>Finally I can escape to centcomm
>Nope,jpeg
>Security and the meme crew barge into the pod and due to how AI floor bolts inexplicably dont work, They push past me and board the pod, I get pushed out of the pod and into the external airlock
>The pod launches with an early launch and I get left behind
>Turns out the ling didnt have me as an objective, and security told me they were doing what they were doing because "There were no threats nothing was happening"
>To top it all off the greytider AND the engineer were both non-antags, and allegedly the tider killed the security officer that went after them

Really activates my almonds

Armhulen wrote:

Limey wrote:We spawned as three nukies and decided to go stealth.

I get on station, the two others wander off. I try to hail the two others, no response. I go for the captain and fuck that up because I am an unrobust cunt. I die, and then I learn from deadchat that the two others died from a lack of air in maintenance, where we landed. No internals.

They send another team of fluke ops to succeed where we absolutely fucking failed and they fluke aswell. The captain went for the ship to blast them and got blasted by a turret instead.

It was a congaline of shit. I still had fun though so I guess it's not as much rage and tears as it is "wew lad"

>be me
>second op team
>literally no supplies
>have to pray from a clown mask to use as internals
>kill like two people
>captain has a headset for SOME REASON grr
>knows our whole strat
>everyone knows
>cap challenges me to a fight
>accept
>we both lose

>be me
>first op team
>emag my way in, like I've done literally 100 times as op, grab a gray jumpsuit and start changing in a fire closet, like I've done literally 100 times as op
>for some reason maint is depressurizing 100000000000000% faster than it normally does
>the only internals are my jetpack
>suffocate
>pray to spess gods in crit, spess gods take pity on me and heal me
>finally find gas mask and internals, start meandering around, find my fellow op, also in suffocation crit
>try to get them to a safe non-depressurized place in maint so I can CPR them
>instead, they die
>explosive implant
>now we're both dead

>be me ling
>greet fellow lings over hivemind
>talk about my objective and ask if anybody wants help with theirs
>i have to kill klara
>one of the lings says the also have to kill klara
>i just kinda go with it i dont know if they can actually have the same target
>they say they killed klara
>moments later klara comes down the hallway
>she starts beating my ass
>im an unrobust shit and die
>get cremated
>klara was the ling all along it wasn't even their objective
>"i just killed the ling that had me as an objective lol"
>"i feel kinda bad"
>of course since i died in the first 5 minutes the round takes around an hour to finish
it's a full day later and im still mad
my first mistake was forgetting lings arent a team antag

SpaceInaba wrote:>be me ling
>greet fellow lings over hivemind
>talk about my objective and ask if anybody wants help with theirs
>i have to kill klara
>one of the lings says the also have to kill klara
>i just kinda go with it i dont know if they can actually have the same target
>they say they killed klara
>moments later klara comes down the hallway
>she starts beating my ass
>im an unrobust shit and die
>get cremated
>klara was the ling all along it wasn't even their objective
>"i just killed the ling that had me as an objective lol"
>"i feel kinda bad"
>of course since i died in the first 5 minutes the round takes around an hour to finish
it's a full day later and im still mad
my first mistake was forgetting lings arent a team antag

getting this btfo

Lings
Are
Not
Team
Antags

it's hilarious every time

>be ai
>You are the Traitor!
>Objective: No organics on shuttle
>ok borg factory time
>Robustin immediately says codewords over common
>PDA him, he agrees to help out
>Start readying for borg factory, get it pretty soon
>also get second borg
>First borg builds up AI core, second borg just prepares generally
>Place down machine
>all's going well
>Robotics board is mass driven and everything
>get like 30 borgs
>almost all carbons dead
>call shuttle
>suddenly, borgs start exploding
>each and every one
>fuck, someone got robotics console somehow
>can't recall shuttle because AI
>start frantically hijacking APCs in an attempt to get doomsday
>shuttle arrives
>not enough points, give up
>A single person leaves on the shuttle, everyone else is dead or dying or hiding out in maint somewhere
>redtext

>later find out that a guy became an ash ligger, looted a robotics ID off a corpse, used pride mirror to become an android, somehow found the robotics board in space and built the console
>I got cucked out of my greentext by a fucking ash ligger

goofball remove them pls

That sounds 10/10 meta shittery. Aren't people supposed to be banned for crap like that?

factoryman942 wrote:>be ai
>You are the Traitor!
>Objective: No organics on shuttle
>ok borg factory time
>Robustin immediately says codewords over common
>PDA him, he agrees to help out
>Start readying for borg factory, get it pretty soon
>also get second borg
>First borg builds up AI core, second borg just prepares generally
>Place down machine
>all's going well
>Robotics board is mass driven and everything
>get like 30 borgs
>almost all carbons dead
>call shuttle
>suddenly, borgs start exploding
>each and every one
>fuck, someone got robotics console somehow
>can't recall shuttle because AI
>start frantically hijacking APCs in an attempt to get doomsday
>shuttle arrives
>not enough points, give up
>A single person leaves on the shuttle, everyone else is dead or dying or hiding out in maint somewhere
>redtext

>later find out that a guy became an ash ligger, looted a robotics ID off a corpse, used pride mirror to become an android, somehow found the robotics board in space and built the console
>I got cucked out of my greentext by a fucking ash ligger

lumipharon wrote:That sounds 10/10 meta shittery. Aren't people supposed to be banned for crap like that?

ITT: why we ahelp

ITT:ahelping things and getting no response and qbopper telling victims to ahelp

>mime-o
>do my mime things
>griffin
>like 3 people are in the cap's office trying to see some sweet sweet fortune ray klara erp
>teleporter, i'm pushed in
>nobody is there
>i'm stuck
>sit there for 10 minutes
>lawyer finally breaks me out
>"you broke in there, you should sit in there"
>"the hos knows"
>walks away
>wait 15 fucking minutes
>hos comes to arrest/probably execute me
>no thanks i served my sentence
>slip and cuff him
>escapo
>explain my situation over pda (i know, shit mime-o)
>he's cool
>turn myself in and give him almost all his stuff back
>he permas me
>says he'll let me out in 10 minutes
>gives me a pda to talk to him
>it has warden's id in it
>i could escape at any moment
>be nice and wait it out
>releases me 6 minutes later
>FREE FUCKING DOM
>go to robotics
>build medbots
>help them build mechs
>making a durand
>guy i've never met kills me with a durand shotgun
>"he was going to kill everyone"
>he was not a traitor

this is why you ahelp you fucking dunce

DemonFiren wrote:this is why you ahelp you fucking dunce

>adminhelped
>I DON'T KNOW THE RESOLUTION
>HIS CHARACTER WAS STILL MOVING AT THE END OF THE ROUND UUUUUUUUUUUUUH

Armhulen wrote:

DemonFiren wrote:this is why you ahelp you fucking dunce

>adminhelped
>I DON'T KNOW THE RESOLUTION
>HIS CHARACTER WAS STILL MOVING AT THE END OF THE ROUND UUUUUUUUUUUUUH

this is why you adminfeedback/admincomplain/ahelp again you fucking dunce

wait i got another story so shut up for like 2 posts

>plasmeme
>xenobio
>almost got changeling thing
>NO AIR
>rd tries to get me air
>unconcious
>EPIPEN ME
>crit
>EPIPENNNNNN MEEEEEEEEEEEE
>he fiddles with my body not knowing how to do basic med
>give me to engineer
>tries to clone me
>i respawn
>burn to death
>he leaves my body burning there in cloning room
>ling transformation denied

i am
so angry
i need a nappie

what you need is a hug

hold on i have something halfway suitable

who knows what maladies that poor frog got from that DIRTY LIZARD.

>latejoin assistant
>power out, comms bombed, shit has gone down
>stuff happens
>later a ling with adrenal sacs and armblade is murderboning in escape
>also has tasers and caps lasers
>manage to get one taser off him, then tase him down as he goes through his backpack armory and take guns
>he flees
>shuttle about to leave
>find him in escape pod next to a bunch of dead and decapitated corpses, blood everywhere and all over him
>times up fucker
>tase him
>about to move in to cuff and weld death
>cue officer retard coming in off the arrivals shuttle
>sees me taze him
>wordlessly tases me
>OFFICER NO HE'S A LING
>"bullshit"
>begins cuffing me
>ling gets out of stun and kills us both
>all of deadchat telling officer he's a retard
>"how was i supposed to know"
>HE WAS COVERED IN BLOOD NEXT TO DECAPITATED CORPSES WITH AN ARMBLADE OUT
>"it was dark"
>our faces when pods have full lighting, not to mention my own flashlight
>"not my fault, sec is my favorite job im gonna keep playing it"

i havent been this fucking salty in a long goddamn time

that was fucking hilarious holy shit.

HAPPENED THE SAME DAY:

>cult round
>shitton of constructs
>manage to kite a jugg in sec with a welder, almost have it down
>warden runs nearby and rapid fire shoots his taser at the jugg
>hits me
>jugg kills me while stunned then goes on to kill warden

IS TODAY JUST LITERAL RETARD SEC DAY OR FUCKING WHAT JESUS CHRIST

Deitus wrote:IS TODAY JUST LITERAL RETARD SEC DAY OR FUCKING WHAT JESUS CHRIST

...where exactly do you think we are?

My recent gang round in a nutshell