/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

confused rock wrote:massive story about some guy stealing a hardsuit.

Hey I remember that round. I was the cunt that stole your hardsuit. Just a heads up I was actually a hivehost so I wasn't some jackass doing shit as a non antag. Honestly in hindsight trying to space you was a dick move but the round ended anyways so no real harm done.

Stories of rage is my new home

>assistant
>clown rev pitifully tries to flash me
>oust them over radio
>trudge to theatre only to find the clown already being lynched by a perfect mob of 7 with bare fists, almost comically
>happily space the clown
>detective who didn't get the memo revolvers me till I drop and drags me to brig horribly injured
>there
>people are fumblin with me
>I already have sunglasses so I can just explain and all will be well soon enough
>nope, lexia lookin hos lasers me to softcrit and I bleed badly
>Leaves me in brig morgue tray
>whisper for help
>someone takes me out of tray
>hos puts me back in
>this goes on until the hos gets violent
>suddenly a rev subverted borg rescues me through maint
>manage to escape its grasp and fall into the arms of some random loyalist who ACTUALLY IMPLANTS ME
>very angry that I am now unable to get revenge for hos
>realise they haven't said a single word the entire round
>eventually trudging in medbay as the hos forceimplants random people
>first and last thing i hear them say the whole round is "who flashed you"
>say "vanika's first fucking words"
>get two lasers to the face
>have to slip hos and run away because it's the hos and I couldn't possibly kill them in a rev round
>round ends
>mask comes off
>the hos was zaross playing a girl
>the hos was dante smith
>dante smith

I never thought I would and absolutely never should have had to see the day where dante smith was playing a girl and ruining my rounds

>Be assistant traitor, first traitor round this week
>Decide to ask for a tc trade
>I decide i want to try military synth again for that robot RP
>Decide my gimmick should be kidnapping people and forcibly aug and implant them.
>Ahelp
>No admins online
>Oh well its Terry im sure someone will come and evaluate my proposal
>Spend 30 minutes gathering surgical supplies and synthflesh so i can turn my victims into horrible abominations
>Suddenly get sick
>Appendicitis
>No doctors in medbay
>Find cargo tech and shaft miner loitering in genetics
>They agree to do the surgery
>Cargo tech drapes my abdomen and starts making an incision
>So far smooth sailing
>He now cuts me with the circular saw
>Oh he probably just selected the wrong tool, he is not a doctor after all..
>NOPE! He keeps slicing and disembowels me, resulting in my death 35 min in with no TC spent.
>He shoves me into a locker and spaces it, the shaft miner seems pleased.
>Blood bros
>A little bit past the hour mark the shuttle is called, arrives and leaves.
>Blood bros manages to escape and kill me but do not achieve greentext because they had to kill the sleeping carp mime security had been chasing all shift.
>Admins never respond to me or even close the ticket.
>Such is life on Terry

>Be me, Monte Conrad
>You are the traitor!
>Immediately TC trade to be Solid Snake (Naked Lightbulb)
>Admin PM from-Spyroshark: fuck yes
>Get spawned with tactical eyepatch, stealth box implant, suppressed pistol, and CQC manual
>Along with syndismokes and a fuckton of ammo
>Just don't murderbone and we're golden!
>Was planning on going nonlethal anyway
>Get sent to the station on Centcom ship, stealth on as a box
>Objectives are to steal the nuke core and nuke auth. disk
>security arrests Santa
>Brief interlude in me attempting to extract Santa, but then they release him
>Go back to original plan
>Go to engineering and shoot the shit, waiting.
>eventually get to the SM shard
>Admin PM from-Spyroshark: hey so.. i think it might help to tell you that the supermatter shard does not contain the nuke core
>holy fuck im retarded
>make my way back out, walking past some engis who I shoot the shit with
>My lungs start hurting
>people start complaining of a virus
>dash to medbay, cure is leporazine
>immediately fall to crit because toxin damage
>die stealthed in medbay
>there goes my fun
>immediately start thinking of other fun gimmick TC trades

A single virus fucked me (and like half the station)

[youtube]r6gGcrjDmec[/youtube]

>be syndicate comms agent
>surprisingly low ping
>find suspected taters
>pda them using a dead guy's ID
>one of them breaches my sat
>says hi and drops a locker, I give him some of my gear
>we talk on a custom frequency because he didn't buy a tater key
>I keep him apprised of security and the AI looking for him
>I find his target
>just as that happens my ping goes over the 5000 mark and refuses to come down
>I lose his target
>shuttle is called
>ping returns to normal afterwards
why do syndicomms have a medical records console instead of a suit sensors one again

>sitting in central primary hallway doing nothing
>clown throws a spear at me for no reason
>pda the hos to please arrest the clown
>hos tells me to fuck off and I shoulda caught the spear
>not like it's their job or anything
>clown turns out to be an antag, buys clown car, abducts 18 people
>one of them is a chemist with a napalm grenade
>I get pda bombed
>napalm goes off from the blast
>kills half the fucking station

All I'm saying is fellas I think the world would be a better place if sec were to protect and serve

>Chemist
>You are the traitor!
>Steal the nuke core, murder the Lawyer, Barney Endsley.
>Go for a walk, having a a look around and I find Barney Endsley gutting Athena Hunt with an energy sword.
>ohboy.jpg
>Brief conversation happens, we both decide on going full murderbone hijack.
>Everything is going well, the stations falls under the boots of me and Barney.
>Steal the nuke core after some hindrance from the only living thing left, the AI.
>Shuttles arrives and we board.
>I wait until we are on transit to centcomm.
>Barney Endsley - "Man I kinda feel bad for using tasers to murder the whole station."
>"Yeah, me too Barney."
>I whip out my taser, quick stun, fill him with a volley of lasers, he seizes up, dead.
>Mission accomplished, feel bad, but admins spawn a gold cup on the shuttle to celebrate my victory royale so fuck it.
>Suddenly being hit with an energy sword by fucking BARNEY
>The virologist has some sort of fucking super disease apparently
>Desperately try to kill him again, only 10 seconds left.
>I don't succeed, shuttle docks, he's alive with the full greentext, and I am cucked by a virologist from the fucking grave.
major oof

That's what you get for murderboning.

DemonFiren wrote:That's what you get for murderboning.

Barney survived and got greentext, even though he murderboned.
So either,
A: Murderboning does not get one redtext
or
B: By being murdered, Barney was absolved of most or all of his crimes, and thereby deserved greentext for killing a murderboner.

c, you get to write a rage story

Farquaar wrote:

DemonFiren wrote:That's what you get for murderboning.

Barney survived and got greentext, even though he murderboned.
So either,
A: Murderboning does not get one redtext
or
B: By being murdered, Barney was absolved of most or all of his crimes, and thereby deserved greentext for killing a murderboner.

Barney here, we both killed the station. Some context: I only had two steals but I decided to murder everyone because I both felt like it and there was a constant amount of people attempting to kill me, so I took things into my own hands.

Swims/Gylifi asked for mercy after I was in the middle of the security officer Athena Hunt whom I shot several times with the antique, and then I assumed they (swims) were a traitor willing to help me.

The revival at the end was the work of a Virology worker who had released or already had a virus which I came in contact with which had sleepy heals or whatever its called and starlight, I got revived and I cut off swims leg and survived long enough to red text them.

Everything about this is disgusting and I immediately felt bad after using tasers of all things to kill the station thus, my regret during the shuttle launch.
Still felt like justice for going for greentext before bros

>engineer without ce
>immediately this catgirl with cyan hair grabs two rcds and runs off
>talkin with other engineers when they come back with two empty rcds talking in a shitty helpies voice and asking how they "recharge" the rcds
>fuck what'd they do
>cap barges in saying "REMOVE THESE FUCKING WALLS IN THE HALLWAY"
>hey uhh cap this cat did it and doesn't know how to even refill an rcd do we demote her
>"teach her, retard."
>"jesus, I know lizards are smoothbrained but wow."
>yeahsurewhateverfuckmylife
>very angrily let her go and start handing the rcds back to the other engineers
>go into hall to fix the walls
>cat grabs welding tank and says "DEMOLTION WORK"
>flash the bitch
>ask the other engineers what to do
>after a suggestion that it'll teach her something, give her to robotics to borg
>time to get back to fixing the walls
>apologise for the department's flaw
>about to finish welding the barricades down when I hear
>"STOP, YOU'VE VIOLATED THE LAW"
>admin meme is an ed-209 that shoots riot darts that stuns me
>catgirl wanders over and grabs my welder and another tank, somehow escaping robotics
>howaboutFUCKOFF
>this time leave her in the sm airlock tied and let the other engineers decide, I don't want to just kill her
>go back to fixing walls
>hear sm delamming
>catgirl is fucking all the shit up
>grab her and fuckingspaceher
>fuckfuckfuck sm is dying
>get n20 flowin in but it aint workin
>realise the problems with the pipes and rectify them, but integrity is very low, and I realise in my chase I probably took lethal radiation
>sm still on fire
>ask atmos techs for an advanced extinguisher
>put a radsuit on and run in there
>spray all the can I can
>slip a lot on water vapor from the sm before I realise, taking nasty burns
>sm starts to cool but I'm slowly cooking
>try to leave
>pressure keeps blowing me back
>can't stop walking or else I'll slip
>cry for help in vain as I am pulled into the sm
>I'm dusted but the sm eventually cools

The joke is if the catgirl was trying to release a singularity instead of delam an sm then they'd be banned.

Is delamming the SM not bannable now? Asking for a friend.

I've never seen anyone banned for it, maybe I should've ahelped. The excuse they had was that they had little else to do to get outta that situation.

Seeing is it's basically maxcapping engineering, probably
Also you don't usually see punishments because bans aren't public
also why delam the SM or singuloose when you can delam the SM and singuloose

The x-mas tree is here!
I get a loaded nuke op uplink.

I get run over by the clown car and then it explodes killing everyone in it. 51 players dead 15 living, 10 minutes in.

FUN!

Nabski wrote:The x-mas tree is here!
I get a loaded nuke op uplink.

I get run over by the clown car and then it explodes killing everyone in it. 51 players dead 15 living, 10 minutes in.

FUN!

>Rolling assistant
>You are a traitor!
>Kill chef and QM
>Easy
>Picked up a pAI friend in dorms
>Buy a crate
>Clown suit, C4, .357, emag
>Meh
>Print a flash in hidden robotics maint lab
>Run around the station looking for a borg to nab
>They are all in the chapel, which the chaplain has filled with monkey guts
>Well okay
>All of the borgs are in there and will not leave
>Guess I'll go C4 the armory or something
>Bomb the armory undetected, nab a taser, things are going pretty well
>Finally a mediborg tries talking to me in the hall
>I have a virus
>Pretend to be avoiding the borg and he chases me into the library game room
>Flash, emag, EZ
>"Hey, I'm new so I won't be much help."
>"Whatever, go tell the chef he's sick then poison him."
>Cure my virus
>Run around the halls
>QM standing alone
>Blast him with the .357
>Drag him to maint, strip him, hide the body, nobody noticed he was gone
>The medborg is just hanging out in the kitchen for like 5 minutes
>The chef never gets poisoned and the HoP and an engineer will not get out of the bar
>HoP leaves after an eternity, but the engineer decides to play botanist
>Admin starts a vote about pushing buttons that may make the round a little crazy
>Please do not
>Vote no
>Vote passes
>INFINITE CHRISTMAS PRESENTS
>Jesus, I am going to die if I stay on the station
>Sloppily run into the kitchen, blast the chef and drag him away
>Engineer now screaming over comms
>After a bit of running through maint I lose the trail of my pursuers and space the chef
>GREENTEXT
>ION STORM, PLEASE CHECK ALL AI CONTROLLED DEVICES BLAH BLAH
>Anyone who opened a present is now not considered human
>Chaos on the station
>Hell no, I'm gonna win this
>Bail to space and chill with my pAI
>Occasionally mess with the SM
>I'm standing on northwest solars minding my own business when CHARGED PARTICLE CANNON RAYS START RAINING FROM THE SKY
>I'm crit
>Thought it might have been admemery (it technically was, but I thought I may have been smited or something)
>BWOINK "lol no, you're unlucky, better luck next time!"
>pAI calls for my emagged medborg to save me
>Borg isn't paying attention to comms at all
>Slowly go into near death crit
>The last thing I hear before I die is the SM delam
>A small victory I suppose
>I die alone
>RED TEXT
>I hate video games

Once I died I decided to ask where those lasers came from because they hit me from the direction of empty space. Turns out the mime got a particle cannon for Christmas and decided to launch it downwards in space and the beams looped around the Z-level and 360 no scoped me on the solars. The mime wasn't aware he had killed anyone until I told him when the round ended. I'm positive I am the unluckiest person on the station.

[2018-12-21 11:37:38.220] ATTACK: HOMOcidle_Pancakes/(You Are Already Touhou) has fired at [�space] with [particle beam] from Aft Maintenance (Aft Maintenance (91, 78, 2))
[2018-12-21 11:37:38.236] ATTACK: HOMOcidle_Pancakes/(You Are Already Touhou) has shot HommandoSA/(Rusty Pycroft) with [particle beam] (NEWHP: 26.3) (Aft Maintenance (91, 78, 2))
[2018-12-21 11:37:38.351] ATTACK: HOMOcidle_Pancakes/(You Are Already Touhou) has fired at [�space] with [particle beam] from Aft Maintenance (Aft Maintenance (91, 78, 2))
[2018-12-21 11:37:38.364] ATTACK: HOMOcidle_Pancakes/(You Are Already Touhou) has shot HommandoSA/(Rusty Pycroft) with [particle beam] (NEWHP: -23.7) (Aft Maintenance (91, 78, 2))

My pAI

[2018-12-21 11:37:43.848] SAY: 11:37:43.848] SAY: Theorion20/(SeSi v1.0.3) "What." (Port Bow Solar Array (67, 203, 2))
[2018-12-21 11:38:03.382] SAY: 11:38:03.382] SAY: Theorion20/(SeSi v1.0.3) "Seriously, what the actual fuck?" (Space (66, 203, 2))

>engiman
>before round even starts lmwevil announces that he's going to be fucking around with the engine for the next two rounds, rather than just fucking around with it as a normal player.
>secman, then
>warden is immediately letting the detective in the armory
>consider demoting myself
>sec around a bit
>suddenly revs, see the only other officer commit die
>try to get the janitor rev head man
>find hop being murdered
>get away with his corpse
>try to bring it to cloning
>goes pretty well
>meme whip fancy name librarian is eyeing me and I'm 100% he's a rev but I can't just go in there and beat him to death
>takes forever to clone him because a fuckin clown is being cloned and the hop didn't give themself all access so I can't eject them
>meme whip fancy name librarian and friends raid cloning, like 4 of them
>lock self in and use a flashbang
>everyone goes down but whats his whip
>tase he and beat them with their own batons
>viviana chan has remembered her true allegiance!
>chip marshall has remembered his true meme whip fancy allegiance!
>ok, real good, because two more revs are coming, I'll need a hand here
>fighting off the last two revs, goes well but one has a gun and I am distracted when viviana and chip wake up
>viv and chip both beat the shit out of me and run away to get converted again
>die to gun man
>ahelp and get nothin the whole round
>last head is the ce, being yelled at because the engine is fucking up cuz lmwevil gave them a bunch of weird gases
>all heads die, no revs die. viviana and chip are next to each other near the end of the convert list cuz they went back to get reconverted together

Is this my punishment for taking too many medicines whenever the chem dispenser is stocked?

confused rock wrote: >meme whip fancy name librarian is eyeing me and I'm 100% he's a rev but I can't just go in there and beat him to death

Better to be bwoinked by one than carried by six.

GOD BLESS SECURITY.

>sybil with decent pop
>maybe i'll play this round
>st- YOU ARE THE SPACE WIZARD! HIJACK DAT FUKKEN' SHUTTLE
>remember a strategy i saw another wizard do a while ago
>plan involves making people into atrificers and then making them into xenomorphs/syndieborgs/otherstuff with a polymorph staff who bring back more people to turn into artificers ad infinitium all while sitting on solars in your little safespace
>roll bluespace apprentice, artificers, staff of change, wizard spacesuit, knock and charge
>give apprentice the rundown on the plan and the intent to teleport onto solars
>plan is ago
>apprentice drops down earlier than i was expecting; have to ditch grabbing my bedsheet and drop
>can't find apprentice for a bit
>they pop out suddenly explaining they had some issues with teleporting but all is good
>apparently ai saw us on the solars and has summoned security
>aaa!
>polymorph apprentice into xenomorph sentinel just as a wild HoS opens the door
>Wizard McShitface uses Polymorph!
>HoS has become a Corgi! It's super effective!
>beat Corgi HoS to death when the detective rolls in through maint
>apprentice proceeds to beat him to death
>shard n' construct and give him the plan
>apprentice and new construct go out to get more people to shard
>captain challenges me to a duel or something over the radio but i respectfully decline since i've got my plan locked in and can't leave without getting immediately valided
>bit later and i've grown exponentially in terms of constructs
>a few assaults attempted on operation but all inevitably shut down
>captain brought in
>happily shard him and he says i have no honor etc etc
>put him in a wraith shell to make him feel special
>he fucks off to elsewhere
>at this point 90% of the station is either dead or in my army
>coordinate via console to tell my constructs to move base to escape for the shuttle
>shuttle about to come
>captain wraith asks to be polymorphed into something nice
>sure why not if he's lived this long might as well reward him
>he gets xenomorph sentinel and is happy with it
>shuttle appears; hello asteroid shuttle how do you do
>barely escape the blue circles of terror before the shuttle laggily begins to materialize itself
>holy shit i might actually greentext with wizard
>captainmorph suddenly disarms me!
>captainmorph suddenly drags me into the blue circles of death!
>nononono
>watch as the 6 other artificer xenomorphs stand around lazily as i'm dragged into the landing zone
>shuttle lands
>gibbed
>w h y
>salt in dead chat for a second
>ahelp
>*bwoink* "already being handled"
>feel slightly better about myself
>sit in mild salt for the rest of the shuttle ride only to be met with glorious redtext
>never see the captain after that

>rev head
>raid armory, get compact combat shotty
>hurt a bit, inject myself with hypo
>scan shows I just injected myself with 5u of mutagen, whoops, that's not so bad
>casually run into a sec officer and their lackey in the middle of a hallway
>both of us just stand there looking at each other for five seconds
>whip out shotgun and buckshot them both
>instantly fall over and die
>realise the mutagen made me clumsy
>tfw I shot myself in the face with a combat shotgun

Way to go, Kurt.

>time to be a mime
>NO TIME TO BE A FUCKING REV
>both revheads are lizards
>ask HoP if I can transfer into sec
>he actually makes me the goddamn warden
>no one tries to implant me too
>first things first put the implants into the crusher
>second things second give out just enough of the armory not to look suspicious
>third things third meme about and be useless
>it takes like 5 minutes for lizard revhead to enter the brig
>HoS insists on gulaging him, a borg accompanies, I can't say no without blowing my cover
>let it happen, thankfully the round doesn't end immediately
>get back, now the HoS wants him murdered instead
>borg tries to argue that exiling is OK but I volunteer
>get to gulag, find lizardo, attempt to mime the specifics of what I am going to do which is
>beat/heal cycle the lizard until his clothes/limbs are bloody, get him to lie down and gasp as in crit, remove him from gulag and beat him a few times more for show as I drag him somewhere he can go undercover and fake his own death
>he seems to understand
>I manage to remove him from the gulag in plain sight of the HoS and no one is the wiser
>BUT THEN HE DOESN'T EVEN FAKE HIS OWN DEATH
>he taunts sec on the radio and is found quickly and by now my warden cover is blown
>the other lizard is getting firelock crushed by the AI in science and I can't get there in time
>revs lose

>blood brothers, doc and robo
>go have robro aug me
>by the time we do the shuttle has already been called by a fag 20 minutes in for literally no reason
>cmo is talking mad shit over radio
>get into an argument and he threatens to kill me
>actually tries to murder me
>barely win fight with help from pacifist doc
>can't heal cuz am augged why'd I even do this
>hos fucking ebows me and cuffs me
>suddenly hivemind does his fucking jitter meme thing
>only person not jittering is the cmo
>logical response initiating
>hos fucking cremates me

>Clown
>More specifically clown TRAITOR
>time for clown car memes
>CentComm announcement about a xeno egg sent to the station
>boys we've found our memes
>Clown car up all the lizards and say I'm dropping them off in the xeno pen
>For some reason the lizards are ok with this
>No AI, no captain, only one scientist who isn't answering
>Lizardo starts to hack the science door but doesn't have a crowbar
>incompetence based memes ensue including lizards turning on me, murdering me, then healing me, the HoS getting in the car, a second scientist showing up and immediately being used for his ID
>eventually just give up and get in the pen myself
>the egg is hatched but no facehugger
>NO FACEHUGGER
>NO
>FACEHUGGER
>no xeno either, it's just gone
>the past half-hour of memes were for nothing

it turns out the first scientist infected and spaced himself but goddamn

>CE
>Decide to do SM autism
>be replacing pumps, increasing cooling, the usual.
>station needs power
>Turn on SM, modding while on is fine
>Unwrench pipe to replace with layer manifold
>Sec officer sees this
>'CE TRAITOR SABOTAGING SM'
>Taser
>No time to replace pipe
>in brig
>Delam messages start
>'SEE! NOW THE SM IS DELAMINATING!'
>Permabrig
>SM Delams because other engis retards
>Shuttle leaves
>Roundend
>BWOINK: Why did you sabotage the Supermatter?
>Barely manage to explain it was modifying not sabotage

At least I avoided a note.

FloranOtten wrote:>CE
>Decide to do SM autism
>be replacing pumps, increasing cooling, the usual.
>station needs power
>Turn on SM, modding while on is fine
>Unwrench pipe to replace with layer manifold
>Sec officer sees this
>'CE TRAITOR SABOTAGING SM'
>Taser
>No time to replace pipe
>in brig
>Delam messages start
>'SEE! NOW THE SM IS DELAMINATING!'
>Permabrig
>SM Delams because other engis retards
>Shuttle leaves
>Roundend
>BWOINK: Why did you sabotage the Supermatter?
>Barely manage to explain it was modifying not sabotage

At least I avoided a note.

I know that feeling my man. Even suggesting a cold CO2 engine will get the peabrain AIs and Sec screaming for your head.

>try to roll malf ai
>roll
>you're botanist
>you're traitor too
>close enough
>kill mime
>kill medical doctor
>escape cunt
>b u n d l e
>lottery won implant bundles recieved
>install all implants except explosive (buy a discounted binary key, plushie carp, and an emag with the uplink implant)
>gather up some stuff for a chemistry dispenser because botany
>quartermaster reccomends i join cargonia
>do that
>ask if anyone has a toolbelt
>cargo tech says they do and i should come to engi
>go to engi
>they pull out a flash
>back out and call them gay
>get my own toolbelt
>hand teleporter some crates into cargo for money
>same person comes out from a portal
>flashes me
>":U (x) is abducting me"
>you find yourself unable to speak
>oh no
>emote wildly as they tighten their grip
>remember i have implants
>freedom + adrenals away and emag my way out of maintenance (i was stripped but had my emag in my storage implant)
>call them out over comms once mute sting wears off only to be met with somebody with my name impersonating me
>find a stun prod (?) and some blue pj's in dorms to disguise myself
>go to hopline to get help because the damn sec officer runs away from me when i tried to ask them for help
>me (not me) queues in line after me
>remove my luchadore mask and confront myself
>stun prod their ass and begin combo throwing them into a wall
>suddenly random person gangs up on me in line
>hos comes and watches them beat me into crit before disabler'ing and dragging me and not me away with the help of a random assistant
>assistant drags me critted all the way to brig as all my blood becomes a mess on the floor
>die of bloodloss in the brig
>nobody cares
>hos handcuffs my dead body and puts it in a cell
>really wishing i installed that explosives implant now
>go bioweapon scientist to undo my salt by making a life grenade
>life grenade doesn't even fucking work
>other me escapes custody and gets cremated or something
>nobody won in this scenario

>be me
>latejoin engineer, ayla storm(remember this name)
>kudzu is running rampant
>fast growing kudzu mutation, keeps mutating a ton so I suspect botany kudzu
>go to engie, become the kudzu fighter the station deserves (because like two other people are doing it)
>ratman taunting over comms
>shuttle gets called because KUDZU AND NOBODY IS FIGHTING IT
>sec has fucked off and not brought laser guns to solve the problem(laser guns > explosive kudzu)
>make chainsaws and acquire weedkiller spray
>>weedkiller spray does jack shit
>>>killing explosive kudzu w/ a chainsaw instead of fire still sets it off
>fuck
>get bombed by explosive weeds, once with chainsaw and once with weedkiller
>barely anyone else helping
>shuttle called
>ratman comments about how i am a brave kudzu fighter(I purged nearly half of it myself), but also taunts about how the station is getting fucked up by a fucking plant
>shuttle recalled
>second weed explosion, deafened, head to engie to make more chainsaws
>janitor walks up to me and tries to talk to me
>"SORRY DEAF"
>start making a chainsaw
>he hacks off all my limbs in response while i have the crafting menu open
>ahelp
>"looking into it"
>no further response for the longest time
>observe plant after seeing janitor drag me off into maint
>time passes
>quite a bit of time
>shuttle called bc kudzu
>bitch in deadchat about how i'm not getting a response
>virtualjohn,"oh shit"
>pms me that the janitor is a bad man
>round gets close to end
>xenobio makes gold slime spawns and sentients them in the back room, roll blobbernaut
>get it
>"Fuck everything up when the shuttle lands."
>neat
>shuttle lands
>start killing people, get in epic fight on the bridge
>>>suddenly the engineer, ayla storm, wanders up, with a big rainbow C next to their name
>beat the fucking shit out of her and drag her off into space


>be me a few rounds later
>be clown
>last two rounds have been ended by blob and newcops
>get lots of extra access(but not all-access) from HoP, write a sign about how HoP is good to clowns in front of his office
>hear whining from desperate roboticist about how they have no miners
>go to robo and offer to help
>"sure just finish up the ripley, it just needs tools."
>research and go to fabricate tools
>other robo comes in, starts pushing me around and trying to kick me out, talking like a cunt
>explain about how i'm just trying to help
>"I don't care, you're doing my job, get out. I'll take care of it."
>as a massive 'fuck you' to the cunt, dna lock their mech so they have to rebuild it
>"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO CLOWN YOU BROKE IT"
>explain myself and how I just wanted the ripley to help mining so they could keep working on robots or whatever while I dug
>"LOL RIPLEY IS SHIT FOR MINING"
>>>>the mk1 ripley is shit for mining
>be hella mad
>round gets ended by blob or smth i dont exactly remember

>next round
>be clown
>deadpop round
>wandering about with no idea what to do because there's no hop and i'm still feeling like shit from the last round
>captain calls me to engineering because I am a good clown renowned for being helpful, they have no clue how to set up the engine and we have no engineers
>start setting up all the pumps on the bottom side, see the captain set up the air alarm smartly because it's internal 0 and the scrubbers were set right, so they must be reading the wiki
>suddenly an ERT engineer shows up
>admins sent an ERT engineer because no engies
>ERT starts helping out, I get in the way a little
>>>>ERT engineer kicks me out, "It's being handled"
>explain i'm just trying to help and that i was called in to help
>ignores me
>explain i was just trying to help over the radio, and that now I'm gonna space myself( i was super buttmad about this happening two rounds in a row)
>space myself while the ert engineer and captain ignore me
>end up on ai sat
>>at least i got an apology from the ert engineer in deadchat after they left
>posibrain time
>actually help the station when the robo puts me in a mining ripley
>>>captain goes to get my spaced clown corpse
>FEELS BAD MAN
>strip mine lavaland, get 40k points worth of ores
>other miner goes missing, probably died
>can't actually find their corpse but found their stuff meaning they likely died
>drop off 40k ores but feeling very tired, it's like 1 am
>tell crew i'm going offline for firmware updates, head to robotics so they can eject the posibrain and take the mech if they need it
>leave my mech on the charger and log out

new one for today
>be clown
>traitor
>get clown car
>athena orders AI to crash my clown car by closing firelocks in the halls
>AI actually does this, breaking law one
>Athena spaces me
>AI does nothing because it was ordered to ignore me
>get cloned by cyborg
>athena tries to forceborg me
>tell AI on radio to bolt robotics because they're trying to forceborg me, which is an extremely harmful act
>AI doesn't do that, but sends the cyborg
>borg is good, saves me multiple times
>Athena tries to space me again
>throws me, i crash into her and she gets spaced
>honk
>in airlock
>HOP tries to forceborg me again
>get kidnapped and healed by borg
>basically yakkety saxed, healed, and etc for several minutes
>end up in clown car again
>go to hop line for driver's license
>HoP tries to break the clown car
>suck him up and dump him out a few moments later
>go to medbay for neurine
>shitty medic bob ross overdoses me on morphine instead of actually helping
>arrested by athena validcunt again for being overdosed on morphine and not hurting fucking anyone with my clown car
>dragged around bleeding and asleep by stupid bitch
>warden tries to heal me, feeds antitoxin/charcoal and drags to medbay
>arrests Athena, but I presume he was told to let her go later
>later on get arrested by garbage HoP and almost executed in his office with a laser gun
>kind odysseus saves my life
>HoP has the nerve to tell ME not to be a dicknozzle

>later
>walk up to Athena
>"Hey Athena, guess what?"
>bohbomb
>she fucking escapes because one of the ladders goes directly to mining

god fucking damnit i just wanted to run a taxi service and have fun but no
dumb fucking assholes

i couldn't even get revenge

>hiveman
>get 30 minions
>gib another hivehost and gain his power
>all is well
>random instant heart attack outta nowhere with no warning
>asfdhdhgfj
>lose it all
>good mode

I had a story of happy tears just now
I put miner on high because I wanna learn that shit but got captain instead so I made sure everything works, built a Ripley and fucked off to Lavaland. I came upon the Pride mirror eventually, used it to turn myself into a bananium golem and died a short while later to a Syndie because I didn't know my gun would be useless now.
The chaplain built a crude ouja board and used methods I won't disclose so they don't get abused too much to valid and get removed to learn of my death, prompting him to tell the crew to grab GPS trackers.
A moth-scientist secured the white ship, brought it to the station and they built a teleporter on it to rescue me.





After I got cloned someone else followed me playing Sorrows of Life while I handed out medals for the retrieval action.

>50 man online round in Bagil
>Ash walkers find the free golems
>Free golems give ash walkers Durands to raid the station with
>The crew handles Durands
>Free golems decide to visit the station themselves to murderbone
>"Lol, we're free, we can do whatever"
>No admins online to look into this bullshit

Extended rounds, they're like that.

>SM sabotage
>begin fixing
>starts to go up
>starts to drop like a brick again
>air alarm panic siphon
>fix it
>gets set to panic siphon after I walk off
>'AI, stop fucking with the SM'
>'I am preventing harm'
>SM chamber slowly heating
>keep fighting over minor settings with the AI
>crit
>die because noone else was working on the SM
>mfw AI was asiimov

>hanging out in medbay, maybe I can teach the newbies or something without getting a rev round dropped on my head
>wizmeme in pseduo-lowpop, runs around being annoying but then gets a job as HoS for reasons
>still keeps producing a steady stream of bodies rolling into medbay in crit and engineering newbies keep irradiating themselves
>one gets dragged into medbay in deep crit
>slap him with some epinephrine from the sleeper and pull him out to triage the damage out of crit so I can administer actual healing chems
>chemist runs all the way across medbay to shove him back into the sleeper before I can even apply a dap of ointment
>keeps doing this every time I open it
>decides that's not working and tries to drag him off to cryo over my clear protests to piss off
>guy deathgasps in exhaustion at the whole process
>clone him and send him on his way

later

>sec-wiz hasn't done anything to really move the round. Some ashlizards raided and got dunked on by righteous medbay staff, whatever
>OH SHIT ITS XENOS IN CARGO
>swell
>guy with a xeno in the oven comes in screaming for help
>take him to operation and start figuring out where the tool bag went
>medborg flies into the room at top speed and starts very slowly botching the operation
>apparently operation steps can't be shared so I'm entirely locked out of finishing the operation as the borg slowly reads the wiki page or something
>patient explodes while the borg stares at him motionless and silent on the penultimate step as I shout aloud each step to him, hell, its right there on the console dude
>larva hisses and disappears into a vent
>get grabbed by a xeno and dragged off as a sec officer shoots both of us with an ion gun

>Brought into robotics to be borged
>Roboticists decide to augment before getting to borging
>1st roboticist finally gets to borging me, gets to the manipulate organs step
>Ask 2nd robo what they do here, don’t get a response so they just unga my head off
>Cuts my head open and the 2nd robo says that messes up the brain
>1st robo: “Should we use mannitol then?”
>2nd robo: “Nah, damage is already done”
>Brain put in MMI, unresponsive due to brain damage
>2nd robo “It’s unresponsive, guess it’s an ornament now”
>Tossed on the counter
>Get tired of waiting for someone to fix their mistake, ahelp because jesus christ this incompetence is painful
>BWOINK nah don’t worry look they just went to chemistry!
>You poor naive soul
>Watch as the robos get a cure for their disease and then leave without mannitol

I love all these new players and think we need them to keep the server alive but... Come on just read the wiki. They made me want to bash my head against a cinderblock

>Shaft Miner
>Third one runs off to the bathroom at roundstart
>ITSPROBABLYCULT
>Third one is very eager to kill tendrils, loses some loot to the chasm as a price
>Sigh and continue gathering ore to get upgrades
>Find champion hardsuit left behind ( it prevents the use of magic but also makes you immune, like the inquisitor ERT hardsuit )
>ITSDEFENITELYCULT
>Gear up a bit more, grab tons of heals and hierophant staff
>(COMMON): Cult in AUX base!
>Robust a few geared up cultists and constructs using the power of ANTIMAGIC and on demand heals
>Charging my fresh acquired stunbaton and disabler in cargo
>Secboi runs in and starts harmlasering me
>Explain that I am antimagic and cannot be cult before getting into crit
>AHELP
>Whisper for mercy, explaining the suit and asking for implant
>Drags me around a bit, tanking a radstorm
>Whisper I have heals in my bag to get me up so I can help him out of the storm
>Takes off my suit and internals, steals the suit and leaves me to die in the radstorm
>AHELP some more
>Admin PM: Looking into it
>Eventually 10 minutes later good boi gorilla drags me to medbay and I am brought back
>Shuttle almost arriving, I am catching fire and planking to mutations every other second
>AHELP for mercy and have my mutations cured
>Admin PM: I would not like to interfere too much
>Can't find shitter before roundend to claim revenge

New players just being completely braindead idiots is okay, but not as important roles and defenitely not sec.
I have played only a few shifts the past weeks and all have been shit like this.
Done with the highpop Terry for a bit.

>Rev head atmos tech
>ho boy
>whatevs, decide to get this over with
>go around flashing pretty sneakily and not raising suspicion
>Captain randomly decided to disable me and try implant me for no reason
>whatever, ahelp out of pure sodium
But I am not the main character in this story
>Round goes on and pretty much stagnates
>a few heads die, a few revs die
>Calls of a fake CE breaking into the armoury go up over sec comms, hop on over and watch
>This 'fake' CE has broken into the armoury, and all the guns are gone
>Something isn't quite right here, I don't remember the engineering revs ever killing the CE
>Continue to watch as the CE begins to deconstruct windows leading to space around security and the permabrig
>Observe to check the moodlets
>THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS THE REAL CE
>Continue to watch
>So far nearly ever window in sec is gone, he decides to make his way into the brig via the broken armoury
>A disable battle kicks off between the CE, CMO, and a security officer.
>He escapes into space, to be soon followed by hardsuited security.
>They catch him above the permabrig, pumping him with disablers then pumping him with buckshot.
>The real CE floats off into space, bleeding, in deep crit, murdered by the men who were meant to protect him due to his own incompetence.

Sawyer Prescott you hilarious man, what were you thinking?

>time to do some tg
>late join like ten minutes into the round
>redtide officer
>get my gear and say hello to my mute colleagues
>notice the lag isn't that bad right now
>apparently revs or some thing
>revhead batons him self while attempting to robust me
>arresting him
>he does the void mutation and vanishes
>sit and wait for him to come back
>he comes back and shoves past me
>oh it's fine i'll just disa--
>ddos lag hits like a fucking truck
>saxxing in escape
>start walking towards an airlock
>. . . .
>continue walking towards the airlock
>walk into the airlock
>. . . .
>walk out of the airlock
>violently attempt to throw an object to propel my self back
>a solid thirty seconds later i toss my stun baton
>die from pressure loss

>warden
>war ops
>john petrovich, the hop, convinced the cap to give him the disk, and runs up to me saying "FUCKING LIGGER"
>my most recent memory with this man is when we went to stop a traitor, me, him as captain, and a third officer. He ran away at the last second, leading to both our deaths, then ran in alone. He then said everyone else who died to the traitor was a retard.
>after being as rude as possible, demands my combat shotgun since he has the disk
>tell him no and leave
>he calls for my execution, calls me a mutineer, everything.
>only one person reacts to this- some guy comes at me with a baton and disabler and I have to arrest them.
>whatever
>deal with shit, ops aint here yet
>hear reports of him shooting random people
>decide to make some healing chem implants for him and get a tracking- we don't have to agree, but I'd prefer to be safe if he lugs around the disk
>John runs up to me, disablers me, and steals my shotgun
>welp, I'd rather not cause a scene and get the disk back, even if it'd work better in theory, in practice people will be angry with me and retaliate.
>suddenly medical syndieborg
>struggle to fight it without my shotgun, laser it
>barely kill it
>John runs over and shoots the syndieborg after its dead
>and by that I mean he hit me in the face twice with buckshot and I nearly get crit
>fuck my life
>eventually resolve to try to arrest john
>pull out disablers
>this fucking moustache twirling cartoon villain that john is has to hatch a plan
>SHOOTS A NEARBY ASSISTANT INTO CRIT
>I have to go save the assistant's life cuz I'm not a shitty person and he gets away
>literal fucking moustache twirling

confused rock wrote:>eventually resolve to try to arrest john
>pull out disablers
>this fucking moustache twirling cartoon villain that john is has to hatch a plan
>SHOOTS A NEARBY ASSISTANT INTO CRIT
>I have to go save the assistant's life cuz I'm not a shitty person and he gets away
>literal fucking moustache twirling

Simply diabolical. Still, he lucked out. I'm sure many sec players would just continue in their pursuit and leave the triage for the civilians.

confused rock wrote:>warden
>war ops
>john petrovich, the hop, convinced the cap to give him the disk, and runs up to me saying "FUCKING LIGGER"
>my most recent memory with this man is when we went to stop a traitor, me, him as captain, and a third officer. He ran away at the last second, leading to both our deaths, then ran in alone. He then said everyone else who died to the traitor was a retard.
>after being as rude as possible, demands my combat shotgun since he has the disk
>tell him no and leave
>he calls for my execution, calls me a mutineer, everything.
>only one person reacts to this- some guy comes at me with a baton and disabler and I have to arrest them.
>whatever
>deal with shit, ops aint here yet
>hear reports of him shooting random people
>decide to make some healing chem implants for him and get a tracking- we don't have to agree, but I'd prefer to be safe if he lugs around the disk
>John runs up to me, disablers me, and steals my shotgun
>welp, I'd rather not cause a scene and get the disk back, even if it'd work better in theory, in practice people will be angry with me and retaliate.
>suddenly medical syndieborg
>struggle to fight it without my shotgun, laser it
>barely kill it
>John runs over and shoots the syndieborg after its dead
>and by that I mean he hit me in the face twice with buckshot and I nearly get crit
>fuck my life
>eventually resolve to try to arrest john
>pull out disablers
>this fucking moustache twirling cartoon villain that john is has to hatch a plan
>SHOOTS A NEARBY ASSISTANT INTO CRIT
>I have to go save the assistant's life cuz I'm not a shitty person and he gets away
>literal fucking moustache twirling

why does your story not end in "and then he got banned"?

I'm a beta cuck

>be chemist
>YOU ARE THE TRAITOR
>yes
>spend first 10 mins filling large beakers with
55% lexorin
25%chloral
20% plasma
A couple drops of space drugs and/or unstable mutagen as the cherry on top
>Get dartgun,emag,syndieradio
>Some tator buddies on radio already
>I give chap tator a syringe gun and 5 toxin syringes
>I then start traitoring
>Change outfits whenever I do antag shit and then change to chem uniform when not and refilling my shit
>Break into sci and kill target and random witness
> Yeet a chloral + lexorin + plasma smoke nade at hopline and then break lightbulb nearby ,burning hopline and everyone in it
>Ai and hop sees me but luckily didn't get name
>Sec starting to catch on
>shit
>HoP later recognizes my tator outfit,engages me with egun
>Barely escape but manage to dart him a couple times
>He spends the majority the round in medbay due to this
>Dart clown for shits and giggles
>Sec on high alert for me
>Tator buddies got discovered, sec distracted by them
>Make plasma sculptures everywhere to burn down halls
>Yeet chem nade at officers are brig and light shit up
>My name is finally discovered on sec radio
>A while later hos gives chase to me
>Darts bounce off him because he was wearing his hardsuit for some reason but it allowed me to escape from him easily
>Notice im starving
>Go to bar and grab some food
>Pick up soup, start chugging down
>Realize my mistake,but it's too late
>Soup stunlocks me in bar for 2 mins straight
>Ai snitches and hos executes me on the spot

Never ever fucking trust chef food

Farquaar wrote:

confused rock wrote:>eventually resolve to try to arrest john
>pull out disablers
>this fucking moustache twirling cartoon villain that john is has to hatch a plan
>SHOOTS A NEARBY ASSISTANT INTO CRIT
>I have to go save the assistant's life cuz I'm not a shitty person and he gets away
>literal fucking moustache twirling

Simply diabolical. Still, he lucked out. I'm sure many sec players would just continue in their pursuit and leave the triage for the civilians.

tbh i wouldve gone after john. thats for the medical staff, my job is to kill baddies.

I don't remember why I did it but I'm assuming it wasn't just morality, but common sense told me "if I go after john he might shoot me to death. if I help the assistant and go after john later I'm 100% sure I can at least succeed in saving the nearby assistant without being shot to death and we don't need to be weaker when the nukies are actually around."

>And then almost no one came to eat.

capi duffman wrote: >And then almost no one came to eat.

You deserve the distinguished service medal on the condition that you deep fry it.

Dr_bee wrote:

capi duffman wrote: >And then almost no one came to eat.

You deserve the distinguished service medal on the condition that you deep fry it.

One day I will unlock the secrets of double fry, I know I will!

>chemist
>spend all shift making life nades and shit
>finally ready, buy surplus, put shit in my bag
>walk into bar to get some food
>random n2o, i pass out
>faggot Phyllis RIchter FNR strips me, sees my shit, gives me to chef to gib me
>i get out last minute
>somehow get my shit back, plus I steal a desword and t bomb off someone
>im a God at this point
>life nade brig twice
>bomb medbay
>miner chases after me, i go into maint with lights off
>i run, hide behind wall with baton
>after a bit i charge miner, its all dark and they dont have nightvision so they cant see me
>miner chooses this moment to randomly off their meathook
>i wanna die
>i do die

FUCK FUCK FUC FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK this is why i havent tried chem murderbone for ages, theres far too much effort and far too little takeaway