Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dining

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scrubs2009
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Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dining

Post by scrubs2009 » #253536

Hello to all you Chef Johns and Betty Crockers out there. Today I'm gonna learn you on the art of fine dining so preheat those ovens and wash them hands. Or not. The germs will burn off in the deep fryer anyways.

Course 1: The language of the stomach.

Don't talk too fancy. If you start talking like you're in a five star restaurant people will start expecting things like "plates" and they'll want you to wear "pants". Instead, use more common speak. For example. "Hi there, would you like some cooked chicken?" would be "GIT YER CHIKEN!!" "Has anyone seen the Bartender's pet monkey?" would be "WHER IS THER BARMAN'S MEAT CHIMP?!". "Please return your bowl when you are done eating" would be replaced by climbing over the table and taking your bowl from them.

Here is some practice sentences for you to translate.

Hello, I would like to ask the Research and Development to upgrade the parts in my microwave please.

Pardon me Botanist, could you perhaps grow some fruit for me to serve to the crew?

Has anyone seen my suit of human skin?

No, I did not put that man in the gibber.

Hello Sir! I would like to ask for cloning and morgue access.


Course 2. Recipes, beyond the cook book.

While the cook book is helpful there are plenty of great treats it doesn't mention! Here are some of my favorites.

* Deep fried Deep fried rat burger

* Fried battery on a plate

* Fried shards of glass

* Extra crispy human face covered in salt and lard

* A beaker full of rat blood (Fried)

* Assistant


Dessert: Places for ingredients!

There are plenty of great places on the station to get ingredients for your dishes! I'll leave some a secret for you to explore on your own but here are some good ones.

* Grow your own delicious fruits and veggies in the communal garden!

* Ask the shaft miners to bring back exotic meats and plants!

* Be creative! Use all the parts of whatever you're serving up.

* Try the morgue! Lots of meat there.

* Break into prison and snag a couple prisoners. No one will realize they're gone!

* Rocks

* Rocks

* Head back to the communal garden and beat anyone in there until they're soft enough to gib!

* Dress up like a surgeon and amputate someone's limbs and tongue! Not only can these limbs be fried and served but you can keep them in the back as a renewable source of blood!

* Some stations have cows you can milk for butter and cheese!


With these tips and more you can turn any station into a culinary hotspot. Go fourth! Cook, bake, kill them all, and remember, Experiment!
Last edited by scrubs2009 on Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.
Thanks, Kev.
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Digdugxx
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Digdugxx » #253537

It's fucking RAW
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Qbopper wrote:One of the few posts on the forums to make me genuinely laugh out loud, well done
:]]]
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Bolien
Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:38 pm
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253540

Shit posts go in the shed, you cuck.
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scrubs2009
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by scrubs2009 » #253541

Bolien wrote:Shit posts go in the shed, you cuck.

I provide tips on where to get ingredients and how to be a better chef and you criticize me? Away with you.
Thanks, Kev.
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Bolien
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253543

CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
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scrubs2009
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by scrubs2009 » #253551

Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
Thanks, Kev.
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Bolien
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253553

Cuck confirmed.
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calzilla1
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:55 pm
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by calzilla1 » #253554

scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
Life is too short for anything meaningful and too long for anything memeingful
Super Aggro Crag wrote: The best shitpost youll ever be responsible for will be your obituary.
Quality debate brought to you by ColonicAcid wrote:imagine having this little empathy

do you have autism bud? does your brain not see these people as humans? are they just a faceless statistic to you?
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Bolien
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OCTODAD IS THE BEST GAME

Post by Bolien » #253555

calzilla1 wrote:
scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
FUCK YOU NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
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calzilla1
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:55 pm
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Re: OCTODAD IS THE BEST GAME

Post by calzilla1 » #253569

Bolien wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:
scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
FUCK I'M A NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
fixed
Life is too short for anything meaningful and too long for anything memeingful
Super Aggro Crag wrote: The best shitpost youll ever be responsible for will be your obituary.
Quality debate brought to you by ColonicAcid wrote:imagine having this little empathy

do you have autism bud? does your brain not see these people as humans? are they just a faceless statistic to you?
scrubs2009
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:07 pm
Byond Username: Scrubs2009

Re: OCTODAD IS THE BEST GAME

Post by scrubs2009 » #253578

Bolien wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:
scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
FUCK YOU NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm the normie? You're the one who likes shitty let's play Bait cancer.
Thanks, Kev.
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calzilla1
Joined: Wed Jun 01, 2016 5:55 pm
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Re: OCTODAD IS THE BEST GAME

Post by calzilla1 » #253582

scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:
calzilla1 wrote:
scrubs2009 wrote:
Bolien wrote:CUCKS FOR THE CUCK SHED
OCTODAD WAS A SHIT GAME
FUCK YOU NORMIE REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

I'm the normie? You're the one who likes shitty let's play Bait cancer.
Life is too short for anything meaningful and too long for anything memeingful
Super Aggro Crag wrote: The best shitpost youll ever be responsible for will be your obituary.
Quality debate brought to you by ColonicAcid wrote:imagine having this little empathy

do you have autism bud? does your brain not see these people as humans? are they just a faceless statistic to you?
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Bolien
Joined: Sun Oct 05, 2014 7:38 pm
Byond Username: Bolien
Location: Sillycone Valley

Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253593

If this thread wasn't shed worthy before, it certainly is now! :^)

EDIT: Why did you capitalize the B in bait? It's really triggering my grammar senses right now.
Last edited by Bolien on Thu Feb 09, 2017 6:22 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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iamgoofball
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by iamgoofball » #253595

This is a good thread
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captain sawrge
Joined: Thu Apr 17, 2014 6:13 pm
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by captain sawrge » #253597

iamgoofball wrote:This is a good thread
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Bolien
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253598

captain sawrge wrote:
iamgoofball wrote:Octodad is a good game
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iamgoofball
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by iamgoofball » #253606

Maybe people would post more good threads like this if you guys didn't shitpost it 24/7 and then demand she'd because "it's filled with shitposting".
scrubs2009
Joined: Mon Dec 12, 2016 7:07 pm
Byond Username: Scrubs2009

Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by scrubs2009 » #253607

iamgoofball wrote:This is a good thread
Either die a shitpost or live long enough to become an even worse shitpost.
Thanks, Kev.
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Bolien
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Location: Sillycone Valley

Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Bolien » #253618

iamgoofball wrote:Maybe people would post more good threads like this if you guys didn't shitpost it 24/7 and then demand she'd because "it's filled with shitposting".
Coming from the guy that shitposts via PRs, that's rich.
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PKPenguin321
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by PKPenguin321 » #253712

when i play chef i enjoy using as much of the monkey as i can
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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cedarbridge
Joined: Fri May 23, 2014 12:24 am
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by cedarbridge » #253745

PKPenguin321 wrote:when i play chef i enjoy using as much of the monkey as i can
This is the difference between the styles of Indian cooking.
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Anonmare
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 8:59 pm
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Re: Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dinin

Post by Anonmare » #253786

Why would I eat food when I can beat up the clown or mime for their crayon and never need food again?
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