Chef Gumshue's guide to masterful cooking and fine dining
Posted: Thu Feb 09, 2017 4:43 pm
Hello to all you Chef Johns and Betty Crockers out there. Today I'm gonna learn you on the art of fine dining so preheat those ovens and wash them hands. Or not. The germs will burn off in the deep fryer anyways.
Course 1: The language of the stomach.
Don't talk too fancy. If you start talking like you're in a five star restaurant people will start expecting things like "plates" and they'll want you to wear "pants". Instead, use more common speak. For example. "Hi there, would you like some cooked chicken?" would be "GIT YER CHIKEN!!" "Has anyone seen the Bartender's pet monkey?" would be "WHER IS THER BARMAN'S MEAT CHIMP?!". "Please return your bowl when you are done eating" would be replaced by climbing over the table and taking your bowl from them.
Here is some practice sentences for you to translate.
Hello, I would like to ask the Research and Development to upgrade the parts in my microwave please.
Pardon me Botanist, could you perhaps grow some fruit for me to serve to the crew?
Has anyone seen my suit of human skin?
No, I did not put that man in the gibber.
Hello Sir! I would like to ask for cloning and morgue access.
Course 2. Recipes, beyond the cook book.
While the cook book is helpful there are plenty of great treats it doesn't mention! Here are some of my favorites.
* Deep fried Deep fried rat burger
* Fried battery on a plate
* Fried shards of glass
* Extra crispy human face covered in salt and lard
* A beaker full of rat blood (Fried)
* Assistant
Dessert: Places for ingredients!
There are plenty of great places on the station to get ingredients for your dishes! I'll leave some a secret for you to explore on your own but here are some good ones.
* Grow your own delicious fruits and veggies in the communal garden!
* Ask the shaft miners to bring back exotic meats and plants!
* Be creative! Use all the parts of whatever you're serving up.
* Try the morgue! Lots of meat there.
* Break into prison and snag a couple prisoners. No one will realize they're gone!
* Rocks
* Rocks
* Head back to the communal garden and beat anyone in there until they're soft enough to gib!
* Dress up like a surgeon and amputate someone's limbs and tongue! Not only can these limbs be fried and served but you can keep them in the back as a renewable source of blood!
* Some stations have cows you can milk for butter and cheese!
With these tips and more you can turn any station into a culinary hotspot. Go fourth! Cook, bake, kill them all, and remember, Experiment!
Course 1: The language of the stomach.
Don't talk too fancy. If you start talking like you're in a five star restaurant people will start expecting things like "plates" and they'll want you to wear "pants". Instead, use more common speak. For example. "Hi there, would you like some cooked chicken?" would be "GIT YER CHIKEN!!" "Has anyone seen the Bartender's pet monkey?" would be "WHER IS THER BARMAN'S MEAT CHIMP?!". "Please return your bowl when you are done eating" would be replaced by climbing over the table and taking your bowl from them.
Here is some practice sentences for you to translate.
Hello, I would like to ask the Research and Development to upgrade the parts in my microwave please.
Pardon me Botanist, could you perhaps grow some fruit for me to serve to the crew?
Has anyone seen my suit of human skin?
No, I did not put that man in the gibber.
Hello Sir! I would like to ask for cloning and morgue access.
Course 2. Recipes, beyond the cook book.
While the cook book is helpful there are plenty of great treats it doesn't mention! Here are some of my favorites.
* Deep fried Deep fried rat burger
* Fried battery on a plate
* Fried shards of glass
* Extra crispy human face covered in salt and lard
* A beaker full of rat blood (Fried)
* Assistant
Dessert: Places for ingredients!
There are plenty of great places on the station to get ingredients for your dishes! I'll leave some a secret for you to explore on your own but here are some good ones.
* Grow your own delicious fruits and veggies in the communal garden!
* Ask the shaft miners to bring back exotic meats and plants!
* Be creative! Use all the parts of whatever you're serving up.
* Try the morgue! Lots of meat there.
* Break into prison and snag a couple prisoners. No one will realize they're gone!
* Rocks
* Rocks
* Head back to the communal garden and beat anyone in there until they're soft enough to gib!
* Dress up like a surgeon and amputate someone's limbs and tongue! Not only can these limbs be fried and served but you can keep them in the back as a renewable source of blood!
* Some stations have cows you can milk for butter and cheese!
With these tips and more you can turn any station into a culinary hotspot. Go fourth! Cook, bake, kill them all, and remember, Experiment!