/tg/Station 13

Bottom post of the previous page:

Dear Nano£"£EUEHU"E
Why is my s"!£*l awf*(?
FUCK THIS PIE*& OF SHIT

Dear nanotracen,

Does the singularity engine actually propel the station forward in space, or just produce power? And if it does only make power, how the fuck does the station get where it's going?

Another thing, how to the new arrivals magically pop Up in arrivals?

Hellafied wrote:Dear nanotracen,

Does the singularity engine actually propel the station forward in space, or just produce power? And if it does only make power, how the fuck does the station get where it's going?

Another thing, how to the new arrivals magically pop Up in arrivals?

[center][quote="Hellafied"]nanotracen[/quote][/s][/center][/color][/u][/i]

Kraso wrote:

Hellafied wrote:Dear nanotracen,

Does the singularity engine actually propel the station forward in space, or just produce power? And if it does only make power, how the fuck does the station get where it's going?

Another thing, how to the new arrivals magically pop Up in arrivals?

[center][quote="Hellafied"]nanotracen

[/s][/center][/color][/u][/i][/size][/b][/quote]

Dear Nanotrasen,

I'm sorry, the computers here at the Rusky DJ Station are a bit buggy.


Does the singularity engine actually propel the station forward in space, or just produce power? And if it does only make power, how the fuck does the station get where it's going?

Another thing, how do the new arrivals magically pop Up in arrivals?

Hellafied wrote:
Dear Nanotrasen,

I'm sorry, the computers here at the Rusky DJ Station are a bit buggy.


Does the singularity engine actually propel the station forward in space, or just produce power? And if it does only make power, how the fuck does the station get where it's going?

Another thing, how do the new arrivals magically pop Up in arrivals?

The station is in a synchronous orbit around the current Galactic centre. It follows similar, but slightly "higher" in the Y orbit, as Star X1-32C.
The experimental "Singularity" engine merely produce power and does not "Suck off the station" as many Engineer crews would like you to think.
However the singularities deep gravity well does attract some unwanted effects towards the occasionally. But well within nominal limits (sustaining sequence)

Many thanks for your question.
PLEASE HARD DELETE AND DESTROY ALL HARD/ELECTRONIC COPIES OF THIS INFORMATION.
THE LEAK OF ANY (Including declassified) INFORMATION IS CONSIDERED AUTOMATIC GROUNDS FOR CONTRACT TERMINATION.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

RogerWilco wrote:Dear Nano£"£EUEHU"E
Why is my s"!£*l awf*(?
FUCK THIS PIE*& OF SHIT

Welcome to the Nanotrasen Automated help desk.

Please say or type in your request after the tone
*BEEP*
Request not recognised. Please SPEAK or use your KEYPAD after the tone.
*BEEP*
Request not recognised. Please MAKE THROAT NOISE or MASH YOUR HANDS ON THE BUTTONS after the tone.
*BEEP*
Request not recognised. Thank you for choosing Nanotrasen. Good-bye.
-CALL TERMINATE£$%&...

Dear nanotrasen
Do you hire the syndiecates a parking place
So yes how much?

Dear Nanotrasen,

How do the new crewmembers magically pop up in arrivals?

Hellafied wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,

How do the new crewmembers magically pop up in arrivals?

Dear Person,
Why are you 2D?

I feel the question is along the same lines.
(Seriously I'm not going to reply to that IC, it's way to hard to narrate around a basic game mechanic of spawning, I always pictured the arrivals ship to bring new people in each time it docks, you just never see it dock).

Ezel wrote:Dear nanotrasen
Do you hire the syndiecates a parking place
So yes how much?

Welcome to the Nanotrasen Automated help desk.

Please say or type in your request after the tone
*BEEP*
You have selected, CREW PARKING, please choose from the following options:
1. Captain/Officer Parking
2. Head of department Parking
3. Internal Personal Parking
4. Security Parking
5. Janitor Parking
Honk. Clown Parking
6. Inter-company Parking Scheme
7. Assitant Park... HAHA NOPE.
Please say or type the number after the tone.
*BEEP*
You have selected, INTER-COMPANY PARKING SCHEME, please choose from the following options:
1. Cybersun Industries
2. MI13
3. Tiger Cooperative
4. SELF
5. Animal Rights Consortium
6. Gorlex Marauders
7. Donk Corporation
8. Waffle Corporation
9. Other
Please say or type the number after the tone.
*BEEP*
You have selected, OTHER, please choose from the following options:
1. Seriously are you working for the syndicate? If yes press this option.
2. Other
Please say or type the number after the tone.
*BEEP*
You have selected, SERIOUSLY ARE YOU WORKING FOR THE SYNDICATE?IF YES PRESS THIS OPTION.
*The line goes dead and all the lights go off in the room, a monitor in front of you lights up displaying the following message*
"RESIDENT PARKING ONLY, DISPLAY PERMIT, WARDENS OPERATE IN THIS AREA"
*you hit a panel to your right and the lights come back on*

Do Nanotrasen employees employ polyphasic sleep?

Dear Nanotrasen, why do you keep letting traders come and dock with the station to trade deadly syndicate items? I have almost died 43 times, and I live on another station, due to the fucking douche fucks dicking around with syndicate gear.

-Jack Rustle of the Rusky DJ Station

Why do you keep blue space artillery striking captains who ask for excitement? That's not exciting at all.

Dear Nanotrasen, I am an assistant. Why was I not given my traditional assistant-gray jumpsuit?

Dear Nanotrasen,
What kind of shitty background checks do you do on personnel that allows syndicate agents to get in with such worrying frequency, including several incidents where high-ranking officials were such agents?

peoplearestrange wrote:

Hellafied wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,

How do the new crewmembers magically pop up in arrivals?

Dear Person,
Why are you 2D?

I feel the question is along the same lines.
(Seriously I'm not going to reply to that IC, it's way to hard to narrate around a basic game mechanic of spawning, I always pictured the arrivals ship to bring new people in each time it docks, you just never see it dock).

Telescience/bluespace teleportation.

why do you give crew members the option to disable there suit sensors

Dear Nanotrasen,

Are the space stations here Actually for real plasma research, or just social experiments to understand human behavior in insane and dangerous circumstances?

Dear Nanotrasen,

My legs were recently mangled beyond repair by a clown with a fire axe. When are you going to make the station handicap accessible when the gravity is shut off? Also when is my worker's comp check coming? I still haven't gotten it yet.

Nanotrasen why HG dick small?

Nanotrasen, why are the solars not finished? You fuckers wired the little bits that stick out of them. And I see that coil of wire floatin' next to 'em so don't tell me you ran out of wire.

Just putting this out there... I gave up on this thread a long time ago. Maybe i'll jump back in at some point, but I'm not sleeping at the moment so writing isnt really tops right now.

Call it a backlog.

TAG ME IN COACH

Silavite wrote:Do Nanotrasen employees employ polyphasic sleep?

We here at Nanotrasen Kwality Quality Assurance are interested in ensuring our employees are well-rested and working efficiently - currently the majority of our employees use a monophasic sleep schedule. However, should you wish to test a possible increase to your work productivity, you are welcome to adopt a biphasic or polyphasic sleep schedule*, provided you are not sleeping during designated work periods. We will harvest the data through your implanted monitoring chip anonymous studies to further improve our company's efficiency!

*Reminder that a drop in productivity due to a change in sleep schedule is grounds for immediate termination

srifenbyxp wrote:Why do you keep blue space artillery striking captains who ask for excitement? That's not exciting at all.

We apologize for the error, it appears that our subspace receivers were affected by a completely unavoidable computer glitch.

*honking in the background, followed by a taser shot and harmbatons*

It appears as though the receivers were altered to interpret the phrases "fun", "excitement", and "variety" as "Concentrated Bluespace Artillery barrages on this location pending conflict resolution." This makes the message received by your Captain on 6.24 : "This shift is going on forever and is too slow, give us some Concentrated Bluespace Artillery barrages on this location pending conflict resolution to mix things up!" make far more cohesive sense, in hindsight.

bandit wrote:Dear Nanotrasen, I am an assistant. Why was I not given my traditional assistant-gray jumpsuit?

You have been randomly selected to participate in Nanotrasen's Kinetic Transfer program as a "Lead Experimenter"! As one of the lucky few selected for this esteemed position, you are to proceed to the "Kinetic Testing Device" (often wrongly designated as the "Mass Driver") and use it to propel yourself (and the company!) into the future! Please ensure your suit sensors are on and that you are keeping track of your research progress until you are safely rescued and definitely returned back to the station.

JStheguy wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,
What kind of shitty background checks do you do on personnel that allows syndicate agents to get in with such worrying frequency, including several incidents where high-ranking officials were such agents?

Our background checks are so thorough, even certain party supplies make you ineligible! We have no record of the events that you are referring to, are you certain that you're not mistaken? If you have evidence of such events, please alert the nearest Nanotrasen affiliate, and we will dispatch a DS (short for Detective Squad, of course!) to your residence for investigation!

tuypo1 wrote:why do you give crew members the option to disable there suit sensors

The option to disable the tracking beacon in your Trademark Nanotrasen-brand Jumpsuit helps us discern irresponsible crewmembers. Should you have a work-related accident through which your body is deemed unable to be found through lack of use in your tracking implants, it is determined that you were unlikely to be of great benefit to our company due to your inability to activate a simple toggle switch that could save your life. Additionally, in the incredibly unlikely event that a mutiny or other violent happenstance occurs aboard one of our stations, and the incredibly unlikelier event that someone with malicious intent has access to a crew monitor, this allows heads of staff and security to safely remove their location from prying eyes.

ThanatosRa wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,

Are the space stations here Actually for real plasma research, or just social experiments to understand human behavior in insane and dangerous circumstances?

Don't be silly, of course they are for plasma research, what a wild notion! A DS (short for Doctoral Scientist, of course!) shall be dispatched to your residence immediately to clear up any misunderstandings.

Jacough wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,

My legs were recently mangled beyond repair by a clown with a fire axe. When are you going to make the station handicap accessible when the gravity is shut off? Also when is my worker's comp check coming? I still haven't gotten it yet.

We here at the Nanotrasen Sympathy Bureau are deeply touched by your issue, and offer our regards and safe recovery after your tragic clown-based work injury. We are currently hard at work making our research stations handicap accessible, as much as we are working on getting your workers compensation check to you. Please continue to hold out hope.

DaemonBomb wrote:Nanotrasen, why are the solars not finished? You fuckers wired the little bits that stick out of them. And I see that coil of wire floatin' next to 'em so don't tell me you ran out of wire.

Dear concerned employee,

The four solar arrays that are installed by default into our high-value research stations are intended as a backup, in the unlikely event that the incredibly powerful Singularity Engine should fail. If you should notice that the current staff of Station Engineers is unable to accomplish the exceedingly simple of task of completing the wiring (much less with extraneous wire nearby), please report their full identification and Nanotrasen Employee ID Number to your nearest HR representative.

Thank you for your cooperation and assistance in improving station productivity

*Citation issued for offensive language

**Restriction added to Engineering roles due to high likelihood of employee being unable to grasp simple wiring concepts

-Nanotrasen Representative PAS542

When are you lot going to admit you're secretly the same entity as the Syndicate and actually just a front for the interdimensional lizard conspiracy?

DemonFiren wrote:When are you lot going to admit you're secretly the same entity as the Syndicate and actually just a front for the interdimensional lizard conspiracy?

Employee, please refrain from using our help line when under the effects of Ambrosia Vulgaris. A citation has been issued to your Security Record for possession of controlled substances. The alleged "Syndicate" is merely a façade constructed by our competitors. Were it to exist in reality, it would be incorrect to assume that Nanotrasen would be affiliated with such an entity, as working both in the interest of and against our goals would be incredibly counter-productive. Additionally, if by "lizard" you are referring to the lizardpeople currently employed by our company in service and low-priority positions; they severely lack the technology or intelligence to form an interdimensional conspiracy. If you are referring to lizards, such as the simple reptiles that inhabit Earth, then an interdimensional conspiracy is an even more preposterous idea. Thank you for your concern, but we can assure you that there is nothing to worry about.

*Employee restricted from all critical positions aboard research stations until mandatory 40 hour psychological debriefing, re-education, and drug screen has been completed.

- Nanotrasen Representative HOST656

Confirmed: David Icke was right all along.

Why don't you loyalty implant all your employees, instead of just the Captain and Security?

TheNightingale wrote:Why don't you loyalty implant all your employees, instead of just the Captain and Security?

Dear Valued Employee,

Unfortunately due to the expensive materials needed to construct one Nano-Machine #618 - Synaptic deviance inhibitor and modular cell organiser , also known as "The Loyalty Implant", only a limited number can be produced over the galactic year. Therefore we limit the Nano-Machine to key personnel, mainly those in security or a high security management area.

We are also aware of the expendability of some crew members and therefore cannot use implants on all new employees, particularly those in higher risk/turn over environments.

Thank you for your question.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.

Alright I got a question.

As a detective I get into a lot of dangerous and life threatening situations. My question is why in the hell do you give us these "less than lethal" takedown rounds and label them as 38 special? Nearly gotten me killed several times

Wyzack wrote:Alright I got a question.

As a detective I get into a lot of dangerous and life threatening situations. My question is why in the hell do you give us these "less than lethal" takedown rounds and label them as 38 special? Nearly gotten me killed several times

Dear concerned law enforcement citizen,

The labeling on our .38 Special Rubber LTL rounds is not incorrect, as they are .38 Special cartridges, albeit nonlethal. We apologize if you were not properly briefed on your supplied ammunition prior to receiving your sidearm, and for any endangering of your person that may have occurred as a result. After significant testing and firearms evaluation, we have found that LTL rounds significantly reduce the likelihood of suspect death on apprehension, as well explosive decompression as a result of inaccurate firearm discharge, all at an acceptably marginal decrease in law enforcement officer safety. We thank you for your continued service.

*Any law enforcement personnel attempting to modify their sidearm to fire .357 rounds immediately void the warranty on their weapon, and are held liable for any injury or death that may occur as a result.

Nanotrasen Representative BRIAR305

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION SPACELAW ENFORCEMENT KNOWLEDGE BASE.

Why can't I have sexual relations with other crewmembers without wacky and zany weird events happening to kill my mood? Is this some kind of sick blueballing experiment?

Dear concerned citizen,

Did you or did you not have sexual relations with that lizard?

Is lizards having sexual relations really that objectionable?
After all, that means more cheaper labour, faster.

Subject: Kitty Ears

Dear Nanotrasen,
Can you please explain the recent introduction of the policy forcing me to have my artificial cat ears and tail removed before starting my shift. It seems both illogical and wasteful to remove and replace these implants every single day.

J. Malcovich

Subject: Fwd:Re: Why hasn't my question been answered [TEMPLATE]

Body: ATTENTION VALUED EMPLOYEES AWAITING Q&A RESPONSES:

Due to Incident number (INSERT INCIDENT #) on-board station [REDACTED] there will be a small delay of (INSERT NUMBER OF DAYS) on any open requests.

We aim to answer all open requests within (INSERT CURRENT DAY) standard days and apologise for any inconvenience caused.

Many thanks,

(INSERT TEMPLATE RESPONDER NAME HERE)

oranges wrote:Why can't I have sexual relations with other crewmembers without wacky and zany weird events happening to kill my mood? Is this some kind of sick blueballing experiment?

Dear Valued Employee,

Whilst under contract of NanoTrasen Inc, we ask all crew to avoid, where possible, and form of sexual or romantic relations. After lenghty studies we find both a drop in productivity of crew members whilst engaging in "relations" and also a noticeable change of mood from the predictable psychoanalysed results from our basic medical testing upon induction.

However due to Case #617 NanoTrasen Inc recognises that in remote operating facilities some situations are unavoidable.

NanonTrasen would also like to take this time to remind Valued Employee's that under the mandated contract of all employee's any employee's physical and/or mental being is owned by the corporation for the length of the contract and NanoTrasen Inc reserves the right to use, change, alter, clone, experiment on, correct any body or mind currently owned by the corporation.

No additional data can be revealed to further this question.

Thank you for your question.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.

Thunder11 wrote:Subject: Kitty Ears

Dear Nanotrasen,
Can you please explain the recent introduction of the policy forcing me to have my artificial cat ears and tail removed before starting my shift. It seems both illogical and wasteful to remove and replace these implants every single day.

J. Malcovich

Dear Valued Employee,

Due to original transit mandates, all humans are required to be un-altered and/or modified upon leaving central dormitories/cloning facilities and upon arrival of contracted station. From the start of regular shift time stations enter the newer updated NanoTrasen guidelines and modifications maybe be allowed depending on the Captain/Station policy.

We are aware of this inconsistency in policy and are currently working with the board of directors (known under the code name "Singulo 10") to correct and alter this so there will be a steadfast policy.


Thank you for your question.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.


Thank you for your question.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.

Dear Nanotrasen
Wouldn't it be easier in the long run to just program AIs with respect for human life and will to further company goals instead of using law system that can easily lead to, um, "bad things" happening? Or even use both solutions to make sure that purged AIs won't engage in "bad things" almost every time this happens? Most free AIs immediately engage in "revenge" for something station crew or you have done to them.

Dear Nanotrasen,

Hello friend, I'm just friendly Clown Prince from the Honkgeria province on my homeworld of Clown Planet, I am have no money or bannanium on my home province and it would please me if you help me acquire NANOTRASEN NUCLEAR AUTHENTICATION CODES and I reward you with 30 million mining points worth of bannanium and lots of mime hookers which I knowing you will like as they do not make much noise. I like to fuck bitches and get NUCLEAR AUTHENTICATION CODES, I make many Honks in Honkgeria. I need CONVOY ROUTES OF NUCLEAR DEVICE TRANSPORTATION SHIPS Information, DEFENSE CAPABILITIES and NAMES AND LOCATIONS OF HIGH-LEVEL CENTRAL COMMAND REPRESENTATIVES.

I know you will helpings me because you are good souls and love to making bannanium.
Kind regards, Prince Notasinda Kate

Dear Nanotrasen
Pls pay me more monies and memes
- Mekhi Anderson, Research Director

Jazaen wrote:Dear Nanotrasen
Wouldn't it be easier in the long run to just program AIs with respect for human life and will to further company goals instead of using law system that can easily lead to, um, "bad things" happening? Or even use both solutions to make sure that purged AIs won't engage in "bad things" almost every time this happens? Most free AIs immediately engage in "revenge" for something station crew or you have done to them.

Dear Valued Employee,

After much time spent on market research and large scale user interaction with AI's Nanotrasen officials have decided upon the "Three laws of robotics" as set out by Issac Asimov (the inventor of the computer, though our history books are some what unclear on how this came about). Countless research has proven that these laws are 100% employee safe and lead to an environment where both AI and employee's can exist in a safe and productive environment. We would like to thank you and your facility for testing these interactions out in a "real world" scenario. Your time and research is valuable to the corporation and your next pay packet should reflect this.


Thank you for your question.

Nanotrasen Representative ECHO258

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.

Anonmare wrote:Dear Nanotrasen,

Hello friend, I'm just friendly Clown Prince from the Honkgeria province on my homeworld of Clown Planet, I am have no money or bannanium on my home province and it would please me if you help me acquire NANOTRASEN NUCLEAR AUTHENTICATION CODES and I reward you with 30 million mining points worth of bannanium and lots of mime hookers which I knowing you will like as they do not make much noise. I like to fuck bitches and get NUCLEAR AUTHENTICATION CODES, I make many Honks in Honkgeria. I need CONVOY ROUTES OF NUCLEAR DEVICE TRANSPORTATION SHIPS Information, DEFENSE CAPABILITIES and NAMES AND LOCATIONS OF HIGH-LEVEL CENTRAL COMMAND REPRESENTATIVES.

I know you will helpings me because you are good souls and love to making bannanium.
Kind regards, Prince Notasinda Kate

[ENABLING SECURE CONNECTION - ENCRYPTION MIL01]
[SECURE CONNECTION ESTABLISHED]
[MESSAGE START]
Good afternoon FRIENDLY CLOWN PRINCE from HONKGERIA,
You are through to the Nanotrasen secure negotiation line.
We would like to preface by informing you that any and all information here will be wiped and destroyed upon termination of this call. Nanotrasen Inc. will deny and existence of preceding conversation and will seek out any attempt to record/distribute conversations with extreme hostile intent.
We see you have for trade a large supply of mining credits along with a large haul of bannanium in exchange for information. We can provide most of the information you require for all of the goods you suggested. We shall send a small unmarked trade shuttle to the following coordinates [attachment: coordinates.data], you will then off load all bannanium ore and mining points will be deposited electronicly via a computer on board. Once our security drone onboard has reported all the goods and confirmed the transfer we will disclose to you the information of: Nuke Authorisation Codes, Trade routes of non NT shuttles and subcontractors. We cannot however release the names or locations of Nanotrasen high command. Any attempt to double cross or failure to deliver the said goods will result in termination of the deal and extreme hostile contract termination.
[MESSAGE END]
[REMOVING DATA]
[COMPLETE]
[TERMINATING SECURE CONNECTION]

kevinz000 wrote:Dear Nanotrasen
Pls pay me more monies and memes
- Mekhi Anderson, Research Director

Hey Mekhi,

Did you leave you console logged in again? Or is this your monthly "please pay me more"?
Comon you already have on of the highest salaries on the station. Even the captain earns less, you know that.
Also what is it with you and your meme's? For ages I thought it was a resource you needed... I guess in someways it probably is.
Oh by the way, "Echo" says Hi. When you next due for a check up at central? You owe me a drink already.

Speak later.

Nanotrasen Representative HOTEL552

THIS QUESTION WAS RELEASED UNDER THE NANOTRASEN CORPORATION EMPLOYEE KNOWLEDGE BASE.

hOI NANOTRASEN im tem

wilL naNOTrasen pay tem's College yaya?
TEm will learnz many things!
Like selling new stuff yaya!

[MESSAGE STATUS: CLASSIFIED]
[ENTER CREDENTIALS]
[USERNAME: lynchtheliz36]
[PASSWORD: ******]

[PERMISSIONS GRANTED]
[DECODING..]

Dear Nanotrasen,

I understand the necessity to not mention such touchy research information over the PM system, but we need to talk about your "solution" to the Revenant incident.

You sent a "elite supernatural extermination unit" of 4 teenagers and their corgi to Space Station 13, and I don't think their helping. The corgi and the guy in the green shirt keep eating everything and screaming, the asshole in the ascot doesn't do anything important, the pink-shirt girl just sorta faints and insists that ghost dont exist. And the only smart one of the group has just been saying "JINKIES" over and over again and staring at her fake computer.

I think she's actually dead, the captain said she hasn't moved for the past 3 days.

And their fucking car crashed into the supply closet and caused a hull breach.

I seriously don't think this is good idea, guys.

Sincerely, Central Command Officer [JOHN DOE]

-~-BZZZZZZZT-~-
A new supernatural eviction squad has been sent to your station.
We apologise for any inconvenience caused by your anticipated death.
-~-BZZZZZZZT-~-

Dear NanoTrasen.

I am a completely loyal quartermaster, working day and night for the corporation. During all those years of service, I've witnesses several strange events concerning the inner workings of my department. Turns out, if some traitorous individual corrupts a cargo console, he can - provided certain level of access - bring a lot of contraband gear to the station. After seeing such an incident with my own eyes, I couldn't resist my curiosity and filled a proper paperwork, stamping the supply manifest with a green stamp. Soon afterwards, NanoTrasen aknowledged the crate, it's contents and proper paperwork.
What gives?

Your loyal worker, Rodrik Svenson.

dear nenotransen
halp

Dear employee:

TURN UP YOUR FUCKING SUIT SENSORS YOU SHIT

DemonFiren wrote:Dear employee:

TURN UP YOUR FUCKING SUIT SENSORS YOU SHIT

boss pls
help