We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 2:25 am
by Armhulen
We have too few junkmail lines in the game, like 14 or 15 plus a few oddball ones like the artefact/secret numbers. This means the same junkmail can roll too often in specific circumstances. Wanna help me add some more? Post your junkmail in this thread:
GOOD EXAMPLES OF JUNKMAIL:
Loyal customer, DonkCo Customer Service. We appreciate your brand loyalty support. As such, it is our responsibility and pleasure to inform you of the status of your package. Your package for one "Moth-Fuzz Parka" has been delayed. Due to local political tensions, an animal rights group has seized and eaten your package. We appreciate the patience, DonkCo
MESSAGE FROM CENTCOM HIGH COMMAND: DO NOT ACCEPT THE FRIEND REQUEST OF TICKLEBALLS THE CLOWN. HE IS NOT FUNNY AND ON TOP OF THAT HE WILL HACK YOUR NTNET ACCOUNT AND MAKE YOU UNFUNNY TOO. YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR SPACECREDITS!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD. ANYONE WHO BECOMES FRIENDS WITH TINKLEBALLS THE CLOWN IS GOING TO LOSE ALL OF THEIR SPACECREDITS AND LOOK LIKE A HUGE IDIOT.
i WAS A NORMAL BOY AND I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND I WANTED TO PLAY SOME ORION TRAIL WHICH IS A VERY FUN GAME BUT WHEN WENT TO ARCADE MACHINE SOMETHING WAS WEIRD TEH LOGO HASD BLOD IN IT AND I BECAME VERY SCARE AND I CHECK OPTIONS AND TEHRES ONLY 1 "GO BACK" I CKLICK IT AND I SEE CHAT SI EMPTY THERE'S ONLY ONE CHARACTER CALLED "CLOSE TEH GAME " AND I GO TO ANOTHER MACHINE AND PLAY THERE BUT WHEN I PLAY GAME IS FULL OF BLOOD AND DEAD BODIES FROM SPACEMAN LOOK CLOSER AND SEE CLOWN AND CLOWN COMES CLOSER AND LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS "DON'T SAY I DIKDNT' WWARN YOU" AND CLOWN CLOSEUP APPEARS WITH BLOOD-RED HYPERREALISTIC EYES AND HE TELLS ME "YOU WILL BE THE NEXT ONE" AND ARCADE MACHINE POWER SHUT OFF AND THAT NITE CLOWN APPEAR AT MY WINDOW AND KILL ME AT 3 AM AND NOW IM DEAD AND YOU WILL BE TRHNE NEXT OEN UNLESS YOU PASTE THIS STORY TO 10 NTNET FRIENDS
hello nanotrasens! fuck the syndicate! they got ☄ me questioning my loyalty to nanotraben! so please lets gather our energy and QUICK. send this 🗑 to 10 other loyal nanotraysens to show we dont take 🛍 nothing from the ✝ syndicate!! bless your heart
I think you get the point. in character, stupid as fuck, and editted copypasta welcome. post away!
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 am
by Bigmaneatchip555
We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am
by shelteredfreak
can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
by Armhulen
shelteredfreak wrote: ↑Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am
can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
by PKPenguin321
Bigmaneatchip555 wrote: ↑Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 am
We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner
This is honestly brilliant
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
SUBJECT LINE: REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
BODY:
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Space Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde.
He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 2479.
He was on a later Space Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Space Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 2489.
He was stranded there in 2490 when the Soviet Union was dissolved.
His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. T
here have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time.
He is in good humor, but wants to come home.
In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 Space Credits.
This is held in a trust at the Space Lagos National Savings and Trust Association.
If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Space Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth.
I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 Space Credits. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.
Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.
Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous.
In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.
Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde
This is a real Nigerian Prince scam email taken off of Gizmodo, edited mildly. Enjoy.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:08 pm
by EuSouAFazenda
This is a galactic emergency.
DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.
David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".
I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.
With attention,
Centcom.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
shelteredfreak wrote: ↑Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am
can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects
absolutely epic, I cant wait for some random assistant to start screaming about ghosts or something after opening the wrong junk mail.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:19 pm
by Armhulen
EuSouAFazenda wrote: ↑Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:08 pm
This is a galactic emergency.
DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.
David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".
I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.
With attention,
Centcom.
added
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 8:47 pm
by Farquaar
A classic email chain letter, with very minor edits.
► Show Spoiler
Subject: Please read & send 10 people, I don't send these that often
I know you all are very caring people:
I am a very sick boy little boy. My mother is typing this for me, because I can't. She is crying. Don't cry, Mommy! Mommy is always sad, but she says it's not my fault. I asked her if it was God's fault, but she didn't answer, and only started crying harder, so I don't ask her that anymore.
The reason she is so sad is that I'm so sick. I was born without a body.
It doesn't hurt, except when I go to sleep. The doctors gave me an artificial body. My body is a burlap bag filled with leaves. The doctors said that was the best they could do on account of us havin' no money or insurance. I would like to have a body transplant, but we need more money.
Mommy doesn't work because she said employers don't hire crying people. I said, "Don't cry, Mommy," and she hugged my burlap body. Mommy always gives me hugs, even though she's allergic to burlap, and it chafes her real bad. I hope you will help me. You can help me if you forward this e-mail.
Dr. Van Nostrem from the clinic said if you forward this e-mail then TerraGov will team up with the Wizard Federation and do a survey with Nanotrasen. Then the astronauts will collect prayers from school children all over America and take them up to space so that the angels can hear them better. Then they will go to the Space Pope, and he will take up a collection in church and send the money to the doctors. The doctors could help me better then. Maybe one day I will be able to play baseball. Or maybe just use my lungs and heart, when the doctors make them. The doctors said that every time you forward this letter, the astronauts can take another prayer to the angels.
Please help me. Mommy is so sad, and I want a body. I don't want my leaves to rot before I turn 10. If you don't forward this e-mail, that's OK. Mommy says you're a mean heartless shithead who doesn't care about a poor little boy with only a head. She says that if you don't stew in the raw pit of your own guilt-ridden stomach, she hopes you die a long slow horrible death so you can burn forever in hell. What kind of goddamned person are you that you can't take five fucking minutes to forward this to all your friends so that they can feel guilt and shame for the rest of their day, and then maybe help a poor, bodiless nine-year-old boy?
Please help me! This really sucks. I try to be happy but it's hard.
I wish I had a puppy. I wish I could hold a puppy.
Thank You.
Billy 'Smiles' Evans,
the boy with just a head.
And a burlap sack for a body.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:41 am
by Domitius
I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
Have you tried the critically acclaimed MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV? It has a FREE TRIAL that includes the base game, A Realm Reborn, the first expansion, Heavensward, and leveling all the way to 60 with no playtime limits!
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 9:48 am
by Armhulen
Domitius wrote: ↑Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:41 am
I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
Have you tried the critically acclaimed MMORPG, Final Fantasy XIV? It has a FREE TRIAL that includes the base game, A Realm Reborn, the first expansion, Heavensward, and leveling all the way to 60 with no playtime limits!
rethemed but def added
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 12:19 pm
by Rohen_Tahir
I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
Unlinked Gell Inc. Smart Printer V23a automatically corrected this printout using DonkCorrect® (free trial). Upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Lite or higher to change automatic text correction settings. This printout is not for commercial use. To remove this message, upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Gold or higher.
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Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Meteoric Nickel! breeding, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is the most compatible Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Hematite! for humans? Not only are they in the field Proxima Jewelry™ Egg Cabochons 5% off with code: DONK529 group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! are an average of 303 meters tall and 63.9 buy genuine British Pound antique coins from ScrapCo®, this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily ENDURE MACHINE GUN FIRE with one for HOURS without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide Akemi Pancake's Genuine Nippon Steel Katanas, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the Nerves of Steel™ Duo OTC Mood Stabilizers from Interdyne Pharmaceutics. With their abilities Water Absorb and Tissue Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Rose Gold! comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! turn white. Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is literally built for human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon. Ungodly defense stat+high Piscesbank Hyper Pack account pool+Acid Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest means it can take MACHINE GUN FIRE all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:19 pm
by Armhulen
Rohen_Tahir wrote: ↑Sat Oct 09, 2021 12:19 pm
I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
Unlinked Gell Inc. Smart Printer V23a automatically corrected this printout using DonkCorrect® (free trial). Upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Lite or higher to change automatic text correction settings. This printout is not for commercial use. To remove this message, upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Gold or higher.
This file was generated by the free trial version of DonkCorrect®. Text correction quality may be worse than what the full version of DonkCorrect® can offer.
This file is for personal use only. Activate your DonkCorrect® product to remove this message.
Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Meteoric Nickel! breeding, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is the most compatible Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Hematite! for humans? Not only are they in the field Proxima Jewelry™ Egg Cabochons 5% off with code: DONK529 group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! are an average of 303 meters tall and 63.9 buy genuine British Pound antique coins from ScrapCo®, this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily ENDURE MACHINE GUN FIRE with one for HOURS without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide Akemi Pancake's Genuine Nippon Steel Katanas, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the Nerves of Steel™ Duo OTC Mood Stabilizers from Interdyne Pharmaceutics. With their abilities Water Absorb and Tissue Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Rose Gold! comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! turn white. Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is literally built for human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon. Ungodly defense stat+high Piscesbank Hyper Pack account pool+Acid Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest means it can take MACHINE GUN FIRE all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
jesus mother of god christ
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 8:41 pm
by PKPenguin321
If there's a way to put images in these things you gotta have at least one shoepost
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2021 3:03 pm
by Not-Dorsidarf
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2021 7:38 am
by FantasticFwoosh
This is loosely paraphrased, you might have to fill in the paperwork bits yourself but here's the script of my magnum opus.
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2021 10:12 pm
by Arcanemusic
"Thank you for signing up for whale facts. Your subscription to daily whale facts is of great importance to us, as we hope to one day see the great blue whale return to Earth-1's seas yet again.
Did you know that the killer whale can emit a sonic frequency that it utilizes to stun fish in arctic waters, stopping it for just long enough to crunch down on unsuspecting pray? Whale fact!
Did you know that the whales seen by early sailors are thought to have been the origin of what many sailors believe to be sea monsters? These myths would be brought back to port of massive sea life capable to destroying whole ships! Whale fact!
Did you know that some species of whale are capable of advanced thought? 25th century researchers were able to determine that whales possess the proper neurons and resins to be able to convey advanced human thought to machines! Whale fact!
Did you know that the whales are done watching. They are done waiting. They are the catalyst of thousands of years of evolution and we have but poisoned the well of infinity with our hate. They recognise we are nature's mockery and as such deserve no such petentence from providanse we are nowt worthy of their grase their lova their glory SAVE THEM FORM OUTSELVES FROM THE SPOISOEN THAT WE HAVE CRATED HELP THEM SAVE THEM SEVE ALL OF US. Whale fact!"
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2021 9:06 pm
by cocothegogo
You will get kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. However, if you don't forward this to at least 3 people, you will die within 2 days. Copy and paste this, to be saved.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2021 1:56 am
by Bawhoppennn
► Show Spoiler
FELINID super TAIL enhancement... grow your tail up to 9 inches instantly! BuY now 88.5% off prior going rate!
Entertain ultimate feline thrills, using our new groundbreaking developed formula, SPECIFICALLY for prime youthful felinids. Revive your catlike vigor in moments; access your inner youth
Over 110 billion bottles sold-
This formula, what this crazy dude discovered in his time at the Ashlizard tribes- THE ULTIMATE SECRET TO ENHANCING YOUR TAIL GROWTH NOW!
This limited time offer expires very soon, use this once in a life time chance to discover your TRUE size--- Fulfill yourself and show everyone what you're made of
I'm honestly very sorry for what I've done
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2021 2:16 am
by Farquaar
Eldrich Mingle is unlike any other faith-based dating site.
Our only focus is on helping void-fearing men and women find a loving, Nar-sie-centered relationship built on mutual faith and love. We feature robust profiles and bloodrune-personalization features to help members connect with other likeminded members. Plus, our suite of powerful communication tools help members meet more people and find sacrificial targets that hasten the tearing of the veil that holds back our glorious blood-mother's final reckoning. It’s why so many Geometer-revering singles have turned to Eldrich Mingle to help them find their special someone.
Discover why so many wrist-slicing singles find love here. Join Eldrich Mingle today!
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 3:43 pm
by MMMiracles
► Show Spoiler
From: Central Military Command
Good. You opened this message. This isn't actually central military command. They're busy tending to what's left of their stations.
So you survived our fight on SS13. You're not as weak as I thought. But never forget that your best wasn't good enough to stop me. Now an entire research station* is destroyed because you lacked the strength to win. The legend of [recipient's name] needs to be re-written. I hope I'm there for the last chapter. It ends with your death.
-The Syndicate
If you can somehow pull station names from previous rounds to replace a particular point(*) it'd be even better.
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:50 pm
by Bawhoppennn
Junkmail is truly the best flavor addition in actual years
Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*
Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:37 pm
by Farquaar
I found out that spam messages from dead forums are an excellent source of hilarious junkmail messages. I found these on an ancient Buzz Lightyear fanfiction forum
1. Hookup Females:
► Show Spoiler
Hookup Females Employs Cost-free Matters? An Excellent
Side to side Advantage!
Free hookup ladies chat on the internet is the perfect solution if
you're fed up with likely to cafes and groups simply to be prevented,
as well as even worse, laughed at. I realize what it's like because I've been there.
I had been single and distressed back into the day time -- I necessary a fresh
spouse -- nevertheless i kept on seeking because I
had no other selection. If you're just one person who would like to hookup with attractive girls without going to those areas in which the females are by yourself, than the write-up may just improve your existence.
It will describe why internet dating on-line is the best substitute if you're a guy who is too shy to method a
beautiful woman within a club or club.
2. House Cleansing:
► Show Spoiler
Are you an active individual as well as you do not have enough time for cleansing? For you, we provide the service "House cleaning". Our caretaker will come with a convenient time for you, restore order as well as leave. You no more require to appreciate sanitation, you can spend time on yourself!
Cleansing a house, a lodge, an office, and occasionally a whole structure is a real challenge for owners who do not like to hang around putting things in order. Our cleaning company permits you to avoid this agonizing profession - you can use your priceless watches for something more pleasant. It suffices to leave a demand on the website, and also our house cleanings will certainly be participated in cleansing. Besides, we love to go out! A little space or a large hall - our experts can do whatever.
You no more require to prepare a general cleansing for the long-awaited weekend break - the very best cleansing business will certainly take all the care and also difficulties to recover order. And the downtime you can devote to communication with enjoyed ones, hobbies or just a pleasant stay. And also most notably - you will certainly be guaranteed of the excellent outcome of the cleansing done by specialists.
Estimated work includes the cost of family chemicals made use of, consumables, as well as the expense of utilizing professional tools. The last rate of the cleaning company services is determined individually after the manager has clarified all the details.
You can order house cleanings in our company for any kind of day of the week. As clean staff members have a changeable schedule, we serve customers both on weekdays and also on holidays.