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We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 2:25 am
by Armhulen
We have too few junkmail lines in the game, like 14 or 15 plus a few oddball ones like the artefact/secret numbers. This means the same junkmail can roll too often in specific circumstances. Wanna help me add some more? Post your junkmail in this thread:

GOOD EXAMPLES OF JUNKMAIL:

Loyal customer, DonkCo Customer Service. We appreciate your brand loyalty support. As such, it is our responsibility and pleasure to inform you of the status of your package. Your package for one "Moth-Fuzz Parka" has been delayed. Due to local political tensions, an animal rights group has seized and eaten your package. We appreciate the patience, DonkCo

MESSAGE FROM CENTCOM HIGH COMMAND: DO NOT ACCEPT THE FRIEND REQUEST OF TICKLEBALLS THE CLOWN. HE IS NOT FUNNY AND ON TOP OF THAT HE WILL HACK YOUR NTNET ACCOUNT AND MAKE YOU UNFUNNY TOO. YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR SPACECREDITS!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD. ANYONE WHO BECOMES FRIENDS WITH TINKLEBALLS THE CLOWN IS GOING TO LOSE ALL OF THEIR SPACECREDITS AND LOOK LIKE A HUGE IDIOT.

i WAS A NORMAL BOY AND I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND I WANTED TO PLAY SOME ORION TRAIL WHICH IS A VERY FUN GAME BUT WHEN WENT TO ARCADE MACHINE SOMETHING WAS WEIRD TEH LOGO HASD BLOD IN IT AND I BECAME VERY SCARE AND I CHECK OPTIONS AND TEHRES ONLY 1 "GO BACK" I CKLICK IT AND I SEE CHAT SI EMPTY THERE'S ONLY ONE CHARACTER CALLED "CLOSE TEH GAME " AND I GO TO ANOTHER MACHINE AND PLAY THERE BUT WHEN I PLAY GAME IS FULL OF BLOOD AND DEAD BODIES FROM SPACEMAN LOOK CLOSER AND SEE CLOWN AND CLOWN COMES CLOSER AND LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS "DON'T SAY I DIKDNT' WWARN YOU" AND CLOWN CLOSEUP APPEARS WITH BLOOD-RED HYPERREALISTIC EYES AND HE TELLS ME "YOU WILL BE THE NEXT ONE" AND ARCADE MACHINE POWER SHUT OFF AND THAT NITE CLOWN APPEAR AT MY WINDOW AND KILL ME AT 3 AM AND NOW IM DEAD AND YOU WILL BE TRHNE NEXT OEN UNLESS YOU PASTE THIS STORY TO 10 NTNET FRIENDS

hello 👋👋 nanotrasens! fuck 👈👌 the syndicate! they 👵 got ☄ me 😍😰 questioning my 🤰 loyalty to nanotraben! so 👌💯 please 😫 lets ⛔👀 gather our 📸💩 energy 😎 and 💰🔣 QUICK. 😲 send this 🗑👈 to 💦💊 10 😂😂 other loyal 💯 nanotraysens to 💦🤔 show we 🐶 dont 🙅🚫 take 🛍 nothing from 😂 the ✝ syndicate!! bless your 👉🏼 heart 😍💔

I think you get the point. in character, stupid as fuck, and editted copypasta welcome. post away!

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 am
by Bigmaneatchip555
We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am
by shelteredfreak
can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
by Armhulen
shelteredfreak wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
by PKPenguin321
Bigmaneatchip555 wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 am We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner
This is honestly brilliant

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 5:40 pm
by Valorium

Code: Select all

 SUBJECT LINE: REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
BODY:
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Space Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. 
He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 2479. 
He was on a later Space Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Space Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 2489. 
He was stranded there in 2490 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. 
His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. T
here have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. 
He is in good humor, but wants to come home. 
In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 Space Credits. 
This is held in a trust at the Space Lagos National Savings and Trust Association.
 If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Space Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth.
 I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 Space Credits. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. 
In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde 
This is a real Nigerian Prince scam email taken off of Gizmodo, edited mildly. Enjoy.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:08 pm
by EuSouAFazenda
This is a galactic emergency.

DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.

David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".

I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.

With attention,
Centcom.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:21 pm
by shelteredfreak
Armhulen wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
shelteredfreak wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects
absolutely epic, I cant wait for some random assistant to start screaming about ghosts or something after opening the wrong junk mail.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:19 pm
by Armhulen
EuSouAFazenda wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:08 pm This is a galactic emergency.

DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.

David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".

I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.

With attention,
Centcom.
added

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Oct 08, 2021 8:47 pm
by Farquaar
A classic email chain letter, with very minor edits.
► Show Spoiler

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:41 am
by Domitius
I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
► Show Spoiler

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 9:48 am
by Armhulen
Domitius wrote: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:41 am I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
► Show Spoiler
rethemed but def added

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 12:19 pm
by Rohen_Tahir
I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:19 pm
by Armhulen
Rohen_Tahir wrote: Sat Oct 09, 2021 12:19 pm I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
Unlinked Gell Inc. Smart Printer V23a automatically corrected this printout using DonkCorrect® (free trial). Upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Lite or higher to change automatic text correction settings. This printout is not for commercial use. To remove this message, upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Gold or higher.

This file was generated by the free trial version of DonkCorrect®. Text correction quality may be worse than what the full version of DonkCorrect® can offer.
This file is for personal use only. Activate your DonkCorrect® product to remove this message.

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Meteoric Nickel! breeding, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is the most compatible Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Hematite! for humans? Not only are they in the field Proxima Jewelry™ Egg Cabochons 5% off with code: DONK529 group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! are an average of 303 meters tall and 63.9 buy genuine British Pound antique coins from ScrapCo®, this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily ENDURE MACHINE GUN FIRE with one for HOURS without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide Akemi Pancake's Genuine Nippon Steel Katanas, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the Nerves of Steel™ Duo OTC Mood Stabilizers from Interdyne Pharmaceutics. With their abilities Water Absorb and Tissue Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Rose Gold! comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! turn white. Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is literally built for human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon. Ungodly defense stat+high Piscesbank Hyper Pack account pool+Acid Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest means it can take MACHINE GUN FIRE all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
jesus mother of god christ

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sat Oct 09, 2021 8:41 pm
by PKPenguin321
If there's a way to put images in these things you gotta have at least one shoepost

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Sun Oct 10, 2021 3:03 pm
by Not-Dorsidarf
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Mon Oct 11, 2021 7:38 am
by FantasticFwoosh
This is loosely paraphrased, you might have to fill in the paperwork bits yourself but here's the script of my magnum opus.
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Tue Nov 02, 2021 10:12 pm
by Arcanemusic
"Thank you for signing up for whale facts. Your subscription to daily whale facts is of great importance to us, as we hope to one day see the great blue whale return to Earth-1's seas yet again.

Did you know that the killer whale can emit a sonic frequency that it utilizes to stun fish in arctic waters, stopping it for just long enough to crunch down on unsuspecting pray? Whale fact!

Did you know that the whales seen by early sailors are thought to have been the origin of what many sailors believe to be sea monsters? These myths would be brought back to port of massive sea life capable to destroying whole ships! Whale fact!

Did you know that some species of whale are capable of advanced thought? 25th century researchers were able to determine that whales possess the proper neurons and resins to be able to convey advanced human thought to machines! Whale fact!

Did you know that the whales are done watching. They are done waiting. They are the catalyst of thousands of years of evolution and we have but poisoned the well of infinity with our hate. They recognise we are nature's mockery and as such deserve no such petentence from providanse we are nowt worthy of their grase their lova their glory SAVE THEM FORM OUTSELVES FROM THE SPOISOEN THAT WE HAVE CRATED HELP THEM SAVE THEM SEVE ALL OF US. Whale fact!"

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Wed Nov 03, 2021 9:06 pm
by cocothegogo
You will get kissed on the nearest possible Friday by the love of your life. Tomorrow will be the best day of your life. However, if you don't forward this to at least 3 people, you will die within 2 days. Copy and paste this, to be saved.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2021 1:56 am
by Bawhoppennn
► Show Spoiler

I'm honestly very sorry for what I've done

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2021 2:16 am
by Farquaar
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Copyright© 2561 NarSpacewebWorks LLC. All rights reserved.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 3:43 pm
by MMMiracles
► Show Spoiler
If you can somehow pull station names from previous rounds to replace a particular point(*) it'd be even better.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2021 6:50 pm
by Bawhoppennn
Junkmail is truly the best flavor addition in actual years

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Posted: Wed Nov 16, 2022 10:37 pm
by Farquaar
I found out that spam messages from dead forums are an excellent source of hilarious junkmail messages. I found these on an ancient Buzz Lightyear fanfiction forum

1. Hookup Females:
► Show Spoiler
2. House Cleansing:
► Show Spoiler