/tg/Station 13

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 7:31 pm**

I tried asking polcon, but they're all squares who don't humor my antics.

Come on Player's Club. We're better than polcon, right?

Me personally. I could take on that black bear.

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 7:35 pm**

No I cry just thinking about rollercoasters

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 8:29 pm**

yeah i could beat that bitch ass bear no problem
come back to me in a day ill have a photo pinky promise

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 8:30 pm**

kinnebian wrote: ↑Tue May 02, 2023 8:29 pm yeah i could beat that bitch ass bear no problem
come back to me in a day ill have a photo pinky promise

Hell yeah, kinnebian! Up top!

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 8:45 pm**

I could take on at least 7 black bears

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 8:57 pm**

I have far and away enough bravado to take one on. Definitely more than that punk ass black bear who's greatest pain he's ever experienced in life was a bee sting on his tongue when he was eating some honey. Sure, the guy has claws and bites that could end me in one good hit, but if I smack him in the nose with a good branch I'll send that motherfucker reeling. If he gets close I'll claw out his puny little eyes.
I give myself 60% odd assuming club like branches are available, the bear gets 30%., and a 10% change its a post mortem kill.
If you give me a nice knife it goes up to 75%
A steal polearm brings it up to 95%
Any weapon more sophisticated than that makes it impossible for me to lose.

If you are a black bear and are reading this I WILL FUCK YOU UP IF I EVER SEE YOU. If I ever catch you in my woods I am gonna tear out your throat with my teeth.
To any brown bears reading, I respect your position of authority and would readily welcome you to enter whichever woods you please. Don't hurt me.

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 10:01 pm**

absolutely not, have you met black bears?
I'd get a good hit/shot in and have half my face torn off.

Ah confused em with brown bears. Yeah I could take one easy.

Posted: **Tue May 02, 2023 10:58 pm**

LeBearfighter

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 12:46 am**

I wish all my yes voters a very very pleasant afternoon. May your rolls go well, and your summer begin splendidly you glorious bastards.

Good afternoon to no voters ig.

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 5:36 am**

First, I am going to set some ground rules.

• Neither I, nor the bear have access to advanced weaponry (knives, guns, bear spray, human spray, etc)

• Specifically a female black bear.

• I do not need to kill the bear, only fight back enough to discourage it from fighting.

• Both the bear and I get to listen to hype songs before the fight.

The stats: (All my stats I found from bearbiology.org - I trust they are accurate but I apologize if they are not.)

• Female black bears weigh between 90 to 180lbs. For sake of argument this bear will weigh 180lbs.

• Female black bears are between 4ft and 6.25ft tall, when standing on back legs. For sake of argument this bear will be 6ft on its back legs.

• I weigh 220lbs, 5’11, am well built, and am quite used to tossing around objects weighing much more than 180lbs. I’ve also played contact sports my entire life and box.

• I have that dawg in me.

The fight:

In a boxing match, the bear wins as it is much stronger. I would also be unable to run away as it is much faster. So neither of these are viable options. Thus I only see two options in which I emerge the victor.

The first way would be for me to choke the bear out. I would need to avoid its mouth and paws, but if I was able to get behind it due to its poor eyesight, I genuinely do believe I am strong enough to choke it out - 180lbs isn’t that much, so i’m certain that its neck circumference and strength of muscles would not be too much for me to suffocate with my arms.

The second way would be for me to blind it. In this scenario I would be fully prepared to sacrifice an arm, and while the bear is attacking one arm with its teeth, I would use a stick or fingers with my other arm to try to blind it. I am aware that bears have small eyes, however in a close vicinity (with one arm in its mouth) I believe I would be able to hit my target.

TL/DR : I could beat a female black bear in a fight by blinding it or choking it out.

EDIT: I have been informed that bears do in fact have good eyesight.

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 6:46 am**

Black bears are cowardly, but this entire thread implies you are in a cage match and only one person leaves. In this case, due to adaptation, survival of the fittest, evolution, and other factors, you'd get fucked up by that bear. I'd get fucked up by a doberman, what makes you think I can take on a big ass bear?

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 1:13 pm**

Absolutely not what the shit
male adult black bears can get up to 660 pounds, I weigh like 1/5th of that

I would rather not get disembowled and then have my face eaten by a bear

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 1:21 pm**

Omega_DarkPotato wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 1:13 pm Absolutely not what the shit
male adult black bears can get up to 660 pounds, I weigh like 1/5th of that

I would rather not get disembowled and then have my face eaten by a bear

If you encounter a 660lb black bear, its not because he is rippling with muscles, it's because he has gorged himself on hundreds of pounds of berries, ants, and acorns. That motherfucker can probably hardly move. Also these motherfuckers have no fighting practice or formal training. They don't even fight each other to assert dominance because they are afraid of getting hurt. If you can get past the thick skin they are fucked.

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 2:15 pm**

Probably not, no.

This is actually something I've had to consider before because I live in the mountains and had a bear show up on the property last year.

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 4:06 pm**

Disclaimer: Although I have experience fighting bears (9-2 record), take this with a grain of salt and dont sue me if this doesnt work

The gifs are also my uncle, as he taught me everything i know about fighting bears

First i would tell the bear to back off before i get upset. Even though this usually works for most animals in most cases maybe (somehow) the bear decides to test me. In that case I would quickly do a firemans carry into an attitude adjustment, as shown here

This is my go-to, and should pacify the bear if not knock it out. For the sake of the argument, lets say the bear is STILL in the mode to test me (you can tell by looking in the bears eyes after the attitude adjustment, do NOT allow the bear to get up if you believe it can still be hostile). In this case, I would then climb the nearest short tree and then go for a top rope leg drop as shown here

The timing is VERY important, as well as the leg drop. You need to connect the leg with the back of the head at the right time or you risk not actually doing anything to the bear. The leg drop is to reset the hostility of the bear which you can do, as we do not want to hurt it. If you would like to learn more about the specifics, I could explain it that is beyond the scope of this post.

Now 99.9% of bears (all bears, not just black) will be singing kumbaya with you after this, but if they still want to test you, the big guns have to come out. While the bear is still deciding if they want to be hostile or not (if they dont drop the hostility in 10 seconds they probably wont so its ok), it is crucial to then lock in the STF, as shown here

Although it may not seem like much, that initial leg trap is CRITICAL to your success, as if you dont correctly do it the bear will not only get free, but you are probably also dead.

After keeping the STF locked in for about 10-60 seconds (depending on the bear), even the angriest bears will be pacified. However, you still need to do one more thing to ensure peace. After allowing the bear to get up, you need to shake their hand as shown below

This is to show the bear that there is no hard feelings after what may have been a stressful experience.

WARNING: If you do not shake the bears hand, they will have respect for your skills but the hatred will not dissipate, and this can lead to disastrous consequences down the line=

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 5:27 pm**

No voters are nothing short of spineless. I may be laying down my life to fight that bear, but I'll die with an effigy that says "Died wrestling a bear".

What will yours say?

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 6:54 pm**

if youve never peoples elbowed a black bear in your life are you even alive?

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 8:51 pm**

yeah i'd just have to go psycho mode

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 11:00 pm**

they look so soft
why must we fight?

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 11:25 pm**

Striders13 wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 5:36 am • Specifically a female black bear.

Wow misogynistic much?

Posted: **Wed May 03, 2023 11:59 pm**

kawoppi wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:00 pm
they look so soft
why must we fight?

look at that mfr theyre insulting u..

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 1:33 am**

kinnebian wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:59 pm
kawoppi wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:00 pm
they look so soft
why must we fight?
look at that mfr theyre insulting u..

Me personally. I wouldn't let that slide, kawoppi.

I think you need to kawoppi chop that asshole.

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 2:36 am**

wubli wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:25 pm
Striders13 wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 5:36 am • Specifically a female black bear.
Wow misogynistic much?

it's okay because striders is also a woman

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 10:24 am**

The use of tools is what separates humanity from the animals.

I would simply use the appropriate tool for the job, the RPG-7.

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 3:07 pm**

Chadley wrote: ↑Thu May 04, 2023 1:33 am
kinnebian wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:59 pm
kawoppi wrote: ↑Wed May 03, 2023 11:00 pm [...]
they look so soft
why must we fight?
look at that mfr theyre insulting u..
Me personally. I wouldn't let that slide, kawoppi.

I think you need to kawoppi chop that asshole.

who the hell does this furred fuck think he is
im not gonna stand for thi-
*gets mauled by a fucking bear*

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 7:53 pm**

Kawoppi is a boss-ass-bitch. Nobody can take that away from him. o7. We love Kawoppi.

This is like his 4th life... How does this keep happening?

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 8:49 pm**

IT'S A FUCKING BEAR WHAT ARE ANY OF YOU ON ABOUT

Spoiler:

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 9:13 pm**

I’ve thought about this at length. On first glance, if you’re well-trained in combat sports, in good shape, and strategic, you’d think you should have a sporting chance right?

Wrong.

Let me introduce you into the #1 hurdle when it comes to hand to hand combat with bears: the neck bite.

That is literally ALL it would take. A nice hearty, solid, fat chunk out of your neck. And you’re dead. It’s over, you’re done. And it’s not like it’d be hard for them either.

So, strategically speaking, you would wanna keep your distance as well as possible. Kickboxing/muay thai experience would help here, you REALLY do not wanna get into traditional boxing range since at that point they could go for the clinch, neckbite, and there’s no 8-count in the woods. However, if you’re a REALLY good kickboxer, you could probably deal some nasty kicks to its face, and that alone could scare it off.

But let’s assume it’s a fight to the death. No one here is getting a chance to run away, it’s last standing. At that point kickboxing skills become a moot point. How many dozens and dozens of kicks to the head and body of a black bear would be enough to actually knock it out or weaken it significantly? That thing is made of fucking stone. You’re getting into close range one way or another eventually, and it’s at that point we have to start thinking about wrestling strategies.

So, here a very in-depth knowledge of Brazilian Jujitsu and perhaps some basic wrestling would help you out tremendously. Your goal here is a chokehold to strangle the thing to death, you’re not getting a fucking blackbear in an armbar or kimura. Obviously you want to be as far away from its muzzle as possible, since again, neck bite, but this isn’t even considering it’s massive claws which at this point are all up inside your chest and stomach and legs. But if you work fast, you MIGHT, keyword MIGHT, be able to get behind this thing and perform a rear naked choke. Genuinely that’s your best chance.

Despite all this with multiple black belts in combat sports, I put your chances at at best 20% against a male blackbear of average size. The issue is that even if you manage to get the thing in a chokehold, they’re BEARS — they can writhe and twist their necks and faces with an incredible degree of force, it would likely turn into you and bite your nose off while you try to choke it out.

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 9:48 pm**

I used the neck bite. Wanna know why? Because unlike the shitty claws or brute force, one bite to the neck and you're fucking dead.

Posted: **Thu May 04, 2023 10:32 pm**

sinfulbliss wrote: ↑Thu May 04, 2023 9:13 pm I’ve thought about this at length. On first glance, if you’re well-trained in combat sports, in good shape, and strategic, you’d think you should have a sporting chance right?

Wrong.

Let me introduce you into the #1 hurdle when it comes to hand to hand combat with bears: the neck bite.

That is literally ALL it would take. A nice hearty, solid, fat chunk out of your neck. And you’re dead. It’s over, you’re done. And it’s not like it’d be hard for them either.

So, strategically speaking, you would wanna keep your distance as well as possible. Kickboxing/muay thai experience would help here, you REALLY do not wanna get into traditional boxing range since at that point they could go for the clinch, neckbite, and there’s no 8-count in the woods. However, if you’re a REALLY good kickboxer, you could probably deal some nasty kicks to its face, and that alone could scare it off.

But let’s assume it’s a fight to the death. No one here is getting a chance to run away, it’s last standing. At that point kickboxing skills become a moot point. How many dozens and dozens of kicks to the head and body of a black bear would be enough to actually knock it out or weaken it significantly? That thing is made of fucking stone. You’re getting into close range one way or another eventually, and it’s at that point we have to start thinking about wrestling strategies.

So, here a very in-depth knowledge of Brazilian Jujitsu and perhaps some basic wrestling would help you out tremendously. Your goal here is a chokehold to strangle the thing to death, you’re not getting a fucking blackbear in an armbar or kimura. Obviously you want to be as far away from its muzzle as possible, since again, neck bite, but this isn’t even considering it’s massive claws which at this point are all up inside your chest and stomach and legs. But if you work fast, you MIGHT, keyword MIGHT, be able to get behind this thing and perform a rear naked choke. Genuinely that’s your best chance.

Despite all this with multiple black belts in combat sports, I put your chances at at best 20% against a male blackbear of average size. The issue is that even if you manage to get the thing in a chokehold, they’re BEARS — they can writhe and twist their necks and faces with an incredible degree of force, it would likely turn into you and bite your nose off while you try to choke it out.

I really enjoyed reading this sinful, but you are not giving enough credit to the tools humans have.

A great counter to the neck bite is a hurricanrana, as shown below

.

or if youre a bigger person

Although I did not want to mention this in my first post (as it is a very advanced bearfighting technique), the hurricanrana is one of the very few moves you have when facing a skilled bear in a fight, especially one to the death. If you are very brave, you can also employ the back suplex, as seen here

/tg/Station 13

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