Human Fortress 14, Dangerously Cheesy

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:14 am #215050

It was a warm dark night. Late winter, which meant that the dry season was coming. Inside of a low and partially constructed wooden palisade lay the tiny settlement of Mistscholars. Little more than some wooden apartments, a stone quarry, a dining hall and some farmland, Mistscholars was founded in the middle of this brutally hot savanna in an attempt to expand the borders of the Festive Nation, a human kingdom ruled by their living deity. In this little plot of venemous snake infested hell the 18 souls of Mistyscholars carry out their day to day tasks, burning charcoal, hauling ores up from the mines, tending the fields, and working on the wall. Always working on the wonderful life giving wall.

One last little niggling detail about Mistyscholars is that it is squarely in one of the most dangerous pieces of land in the entire world. Not one, not two, but fully FOUR necromancer towers lie in the surrounding countryside, vying for control. Four cabals of evil wizards possesing the secrets of life and death and not afraid in the slightest to use them. The wall, and to a lesser degree the budding Mistyscholars militia, are all that stand between the good folks here and a greusome death at the hands of the walking dead, its construction paramount to survival.

On this particular night a carpenter by the name of Nac Bekdilescu was out for a walk south of the wall with his cat, examinging piles of timber that had been felled out in the dry brown grass fields. He heard a noise and looked to the south. Several shambling shapes advanced towards him in the darkness. He scarcely had time to shout "THE DEAD WALK! HIDE WHILE YOU STILL CAN" before he was beset by the lumbering forms and torn to shreds. Did i mention the zombies were literally made of cheese?

Spoiler:

This started as a personal interest Dwarf Fortress game on An0n3's discord where i inserted peoples names, but people seemed to enjoy hearing about it so i decided to do yet another community dwarf fortress game. The gist is you can post here and i will give a human your name, and whatever job you wish within reason. I run the game by committee and take basically any request that will make the game more interesting. At the current time the literal horde of cheese zombies led by a goblin necromancer has been driven off, but given our neighbors they will certainly be back.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:20 am #215052

THE CAST SO FAR

Djingle Django was captain of the militia and our first named casualty. He fell in the river and drowned after dodging a vulture that bit his fingers
Remie Richards is the leader, beurocrat bookeeper and trader, former romantic partner of the late Djingle
PAS is the master chef, brewer and culinary expert
NSOS is a humble dirt farmer
Azari is our local carpenter and craftsman
Takeguru is our miner and is responsible for the huge pile of iron and gold we have been amassing
Aliennara is the fortress blacksmith as well as the widow formerly married to the carpenter who got eaten by zambies in the OP
Aranamor is our engraver and local tree murder specialist.
Chocobro is a random grunt in the militia who killed a bunch of cheese zombies in the attack
AlmightyFuzz is the current leader of the militia, and weilds a large steel maul we got from a trading caravan.

That covers the current named folks. Here is a picture of the main part of the settlement

Spoiler:

I try to update these as often as i can, and i have never fought this many towers before so this should be a good one!

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:32 am #215056

Takeguru begins carving out a large marble room to act as the towns mausoleum, as well as a deep pit that will be used to dispose of corpses, lest they be used against the town by necromancers.

We continue to make more coin, both by minting new coins from gold ourselves and by selling our rough gems at the town's market stalls. The funds from the treasury are used to upgrade our guildhalls

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:51 am #215060

Coolio. I enjoy watching these community run games. 10/10.
Slap me as a farmer in the next slot if possible.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 4:02 am #215067

Alipheese is now a town farmer.

We attract no migrants this season, which is honestly a little troubling. We could have really used the extra manpower, but there is always next season i suppose.

Construction on the wall is coming along slowly with so few hands to work. Aliannara forges a sturdy iron hatch cover to keep our corpses sealed away. Remie also has a golden cabinet forged for her office. For better filing of fortress papers, of course.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 4:23 am #215070

Alinerra's husband is interred in his tomb and a small, sad service is held for him.

More fucking asp snakes attack and poison 2 or 3 more villiagers before being killed. They are starting to become a real problem, having anyone bedridden is a drain on our manpower.

Aliphesee as it turns out is AlmightyFuzz's wife! Not only that but she just gave birth to a girl, the first child born in the town!

A second wood burning furnace is set up to speed our charcoal production. We are going to need a massive stockpile if we are going to equip our forces in fine steel

aranamor · Post by **aranamor** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:43 pm #215073

I'll kill those trees I'll kill ALL those fucking trees...

Remie Richards · Fri Sep 30, 2016 2:49 pm

Very happy my office is fancy now.

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 3:35 pm #215084

I'll take a swordsman when a slot is free. Or, if you're going to have shooty guns. I'd like a to be a musket trooper.

Xhagi · Post by **Xhagi** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 3:39 pm #215088

Through the weapons of iron I make, vengence upon those undead will be mine.

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 5:58 pm #215097

>inb4 invaded by cheetomen to feast on the cheesemen zombies

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 6:04 pm #215099

tedward1337 wrote:>inb4 invaded by cheetomen to it aint easy being cheeseyfeast on the cheesemen zombies

It ain't cheese to be easy

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 7:25 pm #215125

The funny thing is we actually did have anthromorphic lion men around earlier. No Cheetas though.

Anyways now that the forums are live again i might as well get to updootin

We received word that our fortress received no new migrants this season. This really fucking sucks, as we could really use the extra manpower for the army and the builders. Probably a combination of the two casualties and relatively low fortress wealth thus far. It could also mean that our civilisation is nearly dead, but given that we got our regular caravan i doubt this is the case.

We finally save up enough gold to buy the requisite permits and guildhall upgrades to get our alchemists laboratory, which means we will soon be making black powder for firearms. All we really need now is some more folks to fire them

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:00 pm #215131

Summer rolls around on the calendar, and with it comes the most stifling hot weather imaginable. If we did not have a freshwater stream rolling through here the place would be literally unlivable.

Alchemists shop is set up, as well as some brimstone and saltpeter excavated from the depths. Time to manufacture some high caliber freedom lads.

Like clockwork the yearly caravan arrives. It turns out that PAS has been turning all our crops plus surplus puppies and chicks into delicious masterwork meals, so Remie has the haulers move a shitload of them out to the depot to make a deal.

Before the trading can even commence the liason insists on doing his yearly update and trade agreements. Based on what he was saying about things changing in the human lands, i think maybe the heat has made him a little touched in the head

Spoiler:

In any case, we barter away a barrel of masterwork meals for some metals, miscellaneous supplies such as backpacks and quivers, and a whole pile of ingredients to make more masterwork meals from. We also give a barrel of master meals as an offering to the capital. Gotta butter em up if we want more migrants and more prestiege

Super Aggro Crag · Fri Sep 30, 2016 8:21 pm

I wish to become a haulman. Or a leveryanker. Or perhaps a giant serrated disc trap installer.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:05 pm #215138

Huh, it seems Aliannara got pregnant before her husband was horribly murdered, as she just gave birth to a baby boy. I guess she has a new blacksmith's assistant.

Our militia got a little hands on practice killing some more of those troublesome snakes and vultures, all things considered the summer was going by pretty smoothly until this guy showed up

Spoiler:

The alarm is sounded, our poor haulers and builders scurry back inside the town as our budding militia marches out to battle the flying beast. Unfortunately we were still just a few weeks away from our first guns, they would have been really helpful.

The beast swooped down on our militia just as they were exiting the barracks. It immediately pinned Casat the military recruit to the ground beneath its massive wings and started to tear in to his upper body with its massive razor sharp beak. The rest of our soliders poured blows into the beast, driving it back off of their comrade even as he lay on the ground screaming with his torso all shredded up and bloody. The creature backstepped and Chocobro swung his bronze sword, slicing up its wing badly as it attempted to fly away and regroup. Enraged, it swung a massive talon and carved a deep furrow in its head. Undeterred, our soldiers continued to hack at the massive monster until it finally AlmightyFuzz ended its suffering with an AlmightSwing from his steel maul, crunching its massive skull to oblivion

Spoiler:

In the aftermath of the intense battle a section of unused apartments was designated as a makeshift hospital and the one human who had minor diagnosis experience was set as the towns "doctor" if she could really be called that. Casat seems to be alive, although only time will tell if he will ever fight again

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:24 pm #215140

In the wake of the big ol bird assaulting us we finally get a wave of migrants! Among their number is Tedward the former hunter and aspiring musketeer, Djangle Djingo the estranged cousin of the late Djingle Django, and SuperAgroCrag the expert soapmaker and lover of hauling things.

With all of these extra townsfolk who currently have people bleeding all over their prepared bedrooms, it is decided that making a proper hospital building is the next big construction project, and Azari lays the plans while Remie organizes the workers.

Speaking of work, the first couple muskets have began construction. We are also starting to produce steel to make weapons for all of the newcomers who have been drafted to the army. Hopefully next time a best comes by we will be much more prepared

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 9:42 pm #215143

The heat of summer begins to wane slightly as the seasons shift to autumn. Fresh blood around the town makes the place feel much more lively and busy. More hands means that Aliennara is able to speed along production of steel, and starts making some formidable weapons for militia members new and old. Our first muskets roll off the line and Thunder assembles the literal three musketeers, her, tedward and some random guy.

Previously stunted construction on the wall returns in full swing as the small building acting as the hospital has its first level completed. Our existing militia has begun sparring! This is very exciting as it is much easier to train up combat skills than normal drills and practice.

aranamor · Post by **aranamor** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:22 pm #215144

I am the wallbuilder, you should all worship and adore me for the safety I provide.

Anonmare · Post by **Anonmare** » Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:39 pm #215147

We need to build a wall and make the Elves pay for it.

ShadowDimentio · Fri Sep 30, 2016 10:47 pm

I wanna be the chief guard guy.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:13 am #215170

Sorry Shadow An0n3 called dibs on captain of the guard again, do you have a second choice? We will need a new military captain, we nearly have enough recruits for a second squad.

Autumn is on the whole pretty uneventful, the usual humdrum day to day involved in maintaining a fortress that could be assaulted by the living dead at any time. PAS has really refined her craft, and has been routinely making barrel after barrel of masterwork food.

The yearly dwarven caravan stops by, and we wheel out several massive barrels of the finest culinary pieces ever to grace dwarven eyes. The traders are grateful for some water and shade after traversing this scorching hellhole and watching for zombie attacks. Remie barters them away for some metals, trade goods, and every cookable ingredient they have on their carts. PAS basically spends her entire days demanding new ingredients she can use for her "art" as she so proudly calls it, and as long as they are able to use the products to buy out entire caravans Remie is certainly not going to argue

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:15 am #215179

Our dwarf friends finally depart and the weather starts to get .... not cold but i guess somewhat less horridly boiling hot. A bunch of migrants show up near the end of autumn and bring our population up to just below 40. As the hospital is more or less completed, a new foundation is dug out south of the river in order to install another apartment building.

Our armed forces now total a squad of ten brave soliders, although they are still rather scantily equipped. An orange glow can be seen in the depths of our quarry where our furnace operators toil over blazing furnaces, hot coals shoveled to feed the ravenous flames and extract the precious metals that will become the swords and sheilds of our troops. All hours of the night plumes of smoke pour from that deep hole in the earth. To the south of the mess hall there is often a steady clank of a hammer on steel as Aliennara toils endlessly forging instruments of destruction, the hate and rage at the senseless murder of her beloved burns in here eyes like the fires of the forge.

Even with so many new faces there is little downtime, always more wood to be hauled and walls to be built. Even in this prosperous and relatively peaceful time the watchmen are always vigilant, scanning the horizon for the return of the walking dead

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:21 am #215180

So something odd just happened. Got a "THE ENEMY HAVE COME AND ARE LAYING SEIGE TO THE FORTRESS" notification. Down at the south the goblin necromancer from earlier was back, but he had nobody with him. just some piles of equipment. He also immediately fled. The gear appears to be full sets of clothing and weapons, but i dont see any corpses. Sending the militia to investigate

Seems safe. There are good clothes and lots of weapons, i guess our buddy just forgot the corpses. We are taking it all

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:49 am #215183

Aliannara has been taken by a strange mood! She grabbed some orchalium (magical metal) and some rope and is building something in a forge. I have literally never gotten a mooded weapon in all my years of playing, so this might finally be it!

I also realize i have been skimping out on pics so here is some updates. Here is the north side of the town

Spoiler:

Here is the south side

Spoiler:

And here is our current roster. Still need to fit some folks in

Spoiler:

Will update when the mooded item is complete!

EDIT: It was a cabinet. Fucking snore.

TehSteveo · Post by **TehSteveo** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 9:08 am #215197

Maybe one day I'll be good enough to be in someone's dwarf fortress playthrough. One day...

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:16 pm #215215

Its okay man, you don't need to passive aggressively post to get a human! Everyone gets one. What name/job would you like?

The rest of the season is fairly uneventful. The CMO's quarters are finished above the hospital area. Our CMO is basically a completely unskilled and self appointed "doctor" but is still somehow the most qualified in the whole fort. The hospital is stocked with cloth and thread for sutures and stuff, next time one of our guys gets disemboweled we will be ready.

Which brings me to Casat, the poor guy who was all fucked up by the bird. He seems to have two tiles of grey stuff dragging behind him everywhere he goes. As it turns out he somehow survived getting his guts spilled, despite the fact that he received no actual medical attention at the time of his injury. The makeshift hospital i set up was so flooded with people whining about their snakebites and broken fingers that Casat eventually stopped bleeding and dragged himself out of bed.

He is a real trooper though, he has been going to military training every day. However i feel like it is time to retire him to a less stressful job, as watching him shamble to the barracks every day (he goes real fucking slow which makes him basically useless as a soldier) is just depressing

Super Aggro Crag · Sat Oct 01, 2016 2:46 pm

Am I making lots of good soap? Everyone needs soap.

Xhagi · Post by **Xhagi** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 3:46 pm #215224

It may just be a cabinet, but it's the best Armok damn cabinet.

Don't strange moods make you legendary anyway? Or was that another type of mood?

Davidchan · Post by **Davidchan** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:01 pm #215226

Armok has no love for you filthy surface dwelling humans. Go show it to the hippies if you think it's so great.

Strange moods aside from possession grant skill maxes to the relevant creation skill of the item, which is why Macabre and Fell moods are so much fun, not only do you usually wind up short one annoying child, but you also get a legendary bone crafter too!

Jazaen · Post by **Jazaen** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:35 pm #215227

Yeah, strange moods are very nice, unless they want shells or some other crap like that.

aranamor · Post by **aranamor** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:42 pm #215229

In my boyfriend's fort I got gored by a unicorn while woodcutting, survived, killed the hell out of it when I recovered, and then entered a fae mood and made a lance out of its horn to butcher the rest of its kind.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 4:54 pm #215231

Yeah the cabinet is still very high value. When we eventually build a large marble castle to house the ruling class it will be installed somewhere in there.

It is funny you should mention it SAC, renovations are being done to the guildhall. Mostly this means adding a second floor to house a second guild, probably a smiths guild, but it also means that the north wing of the academics guild is being turned into a soapmakers shop. Everyone smells really gross from sweating in the oppressive heat all day every day, and we will also need it to clean wounds and hopefully ensure no one else ends up like poor fucked up Casat.

And with that spring rolls around on the calendar once again, bringing our second year in Mistyscholars to a close.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:04 pm #215233

And just like fucking clockwork, on the dawn of new years day

Spoiler:

Oh well, i bet it is something silly like che-

Spoiler:

Sweet jesus fucking christ how horrifying. From the south of the wall a carpenter cries out "THE DEAD HAVE RETURNED!" prompting the alarm horn to be blown and everyone to sprint back inside the walls.

Our militia sprints down to the south gate even as the drawbridges raise up with a mighty straining of stone. The south wall is still only one Z high and likely will not hold back the onslaught. The necromancer is nowhere to be seen, either not even present or skulking somewhere in the shadows.

Not willing to let him do his evil work in secret, Fuzz orders the militia to stack up on the south wall. He traded out his Steel maul for a slightly smaller one handed warhammer made of solid silver, and a massive steel towershield. Many of the militia are now armed with high quality steel arms and tower shields, although armor is still mostly patchwork bits that we have obtained from caravans. Likewise, Thunder, Tedward and random guy heft their new muskets and head to the wall, eager to put these cutting edge weapons of war to good use

Super Aggro Crag · Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:14 pm

I'm happy that I will be able to make soap. Soap making is my favorite skill in dorf fort. That and pump operation!

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:36 pm #215237

The battle is over in a matter of moments. With i mighty battle cry Fuzz leads our forces directly in the shambling horde of octopus monsters. With might momentum our fighters smash into the creatures and tear them to shreds.

Fuzz puts in some work, smashing one of them far off into the distance like a golf ball and bringing his massive Sheild down on to another

Spoiler:

Chocobro for some reason decided to abandon the sword he was skilled with in favor of using a a massive two handed steel maul, that he is wielding in one hand non the less. I think he might have got the most kills

Spoiler:

Djangle was one of the first to the fray, and despite having a perfectly good axe he decided to smash heads in with his bare hands

Spoiler:

The musketeers, finally assembled, let off a few loud cracks as they fire into the horde. However none of them manage to pierce the brain and down any of the beasts. Still though, an impressive show of our force

A few moments later the smoke clears, and our militia stands triumphant of a pile of re-killed octopus monster people. The militia is held in place in case of further attacks while the civilian haulers take the bodies to dump in the containment chamber. While these undead are fairly weak they have a strong psychological effect, one of our swordsmen was so horrified he could do nothing other than be frozen in place with fear

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 5:45 pm #215239

Can you show the wound screen of the human that has his insides turned to outsides?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:13 pm #215241

Actually odds enough his only showing wound is a large jagged scar. He still has a trail following him though, which i think is probably a bug. I can probably heal him using DFHACK or we can let him shamble around like a gross mangled man for fun

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:25 pm #215242

Either works. What does it show when you target the squares behind it?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:38 pm #215245

Nothing, not in his inventory, health screen, or when i loo[k] at the tiles they are on. It is truly a mystery.

We get another big migrant wave, A massive one in fact. Our population is increased to 58. Among the newcomers are An0n3, claiming himself a licensed lawman and insisting to Remie that with such a large populace we will certainly need some law and order. TehStevo, grizlled military veteran promoted to captain and given new recruits to marshall. There is also a Trader named Nglishio Asnaborto. She is interesting because she showed up covered in her own blood and supremely fucked up, unable to use her legs, right arm or either of her legs. No open wounds though, just scars. Not sure what the fuck happened but she is a total wreck, and whatever it was it happend before she showed up here.

With so many new bodies and so much extra manpower, piles of timber that had been left to settle outside the walls is hauled in and used in a number of new projects. Extra housing is erected, and after much deliberation it is decided to build a large tavern near the front gate in order to attract travelers and provide housing and entertainment for guests

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:41 pm #215246

I suppose you couldn't clone the current save to go legends hunting, eh?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:50 pm #215247

I am cloning the save as we speak.

It also seems that we have hit a sufficient population to be considered a proper town and not just a small settlement, as Mistyscholar has had its first democratic election! The Fisherman Donu Onurol has been elected Mayor. Remie reluctantly relinquishes rulership of the town to him and goes back to focusing on logistical concerns with a harrumph.

Remie Richards · Sat Oct 01, 2016 6:51 pm

I mean it's... it's... More time to focus on studies! yes! that's it!
*sighs*

Super Aggro Crag · Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:48 pm

You literally got out social skilled by a guy who smells like the tides

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 7:57 pm #215256

The main floor of the tavern is laid out and the second floor construction begins, a number of guest rooms being put in up above.

AlmightFuzz and Aliphesse, your child has become one year old and is no longer technically a baby. He seems like a real fighter though

Spoiler:

What do you guys want to name him? The first child to be born in raised in this boiling zombie infested shithole?

TehSteveo · Post by **TehSteveo** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 8:10 pm #215261

Wyzack wrote:Its okay man, you don't need to passive aggressively post to get a human! Everyone gets one. What name/job would you like?

It's just my style to shitpost to make people feel bad. Name of the human would be Sylkie Ialen. Job, don't really care.

420weedscopes · Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:29 pm

Wyzack wrote:Chocobro for some reason decided to abandon the sword he was skilled with in favor of using a a massive two handed steel maul, that he is wielding in one hand non the less. I think he might have got the most kills

never cross me

alternate response:

Spoiler:

Alipheese · Post by **Alipheese** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:38 pm #215294

Wyzack wrote: What do you guys want to name him? The first child to be born in raised in this boiling zombie infested shithole?

I'd say it's fuzz's call as Dad.
If not I'd say.
Will 'Doorknob' Jones

Akkryls · Post by **Akkryls** » Sat Oct 01, 2016 11:51 pm #215298

Alipheese wrote:
Wyzack wrote: What do you guys want to name him? The first child to be born in raised in this boiling zombie infested shithole?
I'd say it's fuzz's call as Dad.
If not I'd say.
Will 'Doorknob' Jones

Fuzz here, go with Doorknob.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Sun Oct 02, 2016 5:35 am #215343

Alright, in a very official ceremony the little one is christened "Doorknob" and sent to play make believe in the dead grass near the corpse pit.

After a little carpentry work our Tavern is open, with a doorway to the trade depot so that visitors can take a load off and grab a pint. I present the Spice of Poems

Spoiler:

Plenty of table space, dancing space, and chests to hold cups and instruments. PAS is pulling double duty as tavernkeeper again, and there are about six rooms on the upper level for residents to stay more permanently. I am sure we will have some bards come by in no time.

At the top circled in red is Casat, with his two tiles of possibly bugged intestines dragging behind