Human Fortress 14, Dangerously Cheesy

[Wyzack]

Bottom post of the previous page:

Alright, in a very official ceremony the little one is christened "Doorknob" and sent to play make believe in the dead grass near the corpse pit.

After a little carpentry work our Tavern is open, with a doorway to the trade depot so that visitors can take a load off and grab a pint. I present the Spice of Poems

Spoiler:

Plenty of table space, dancing space, and chests to hold cups and instruments. PAS is pulling double duty as tavernkeeper again, and there are about six rooms on the upper level for residents to stay more permanently. I am sure we will have some bards come by in no time.

At the top circled in red is Casat, with his two tiles of possibly bugged intestines dragging behind

[Wyzack]

Like clockwork our good friends from the heartland show up to barter with us. Along with them come a marksdorf and bard who are visiting our tavern. Our mayor still does not have proper quarters set up (next on our list) so he meets the liason from the capital in the mess hall, much to his chagrin. He tells us news about the current war situation with other civs as per the last couple months. It doesn't look great

Spoiler:

A lot of fleeing from incoming armies. Hopefully this will help convince our monarch to come to Mistyscholars. In any case we broker an import/export deal for next years caravan (and dont get made a barony, which is pretty lame). Also at some point around this time the current Mayor is reelected for a second year. Meanwhile, Remie gets busy with a trade deal. Or at least she tries to. Apparently they are still unpacking. Like days after they showed up. Must be a bug, but it is really fucking with our ability to import booze for our new tavern. Oh well.

People seem distracted by an inability to pray to their gods. As such, foundations are laid for a large marble church to be built near the west gate

[srifenbyxp]

It's been proven in past threads with IC relations, without Geist you're doomed to get fucked.

[oranges]

with geist -> ass fucked

wihtout geist -> fucked

pick your poison

[Super Aggro Crag]

I like your tileset.

[tedward1337]

Do humans receive a negative mood from working outside?

[Wyzack]

No, but they get sick if they are underground for too long.


Confirming my suspicion that this is a fucking shitty bug, the merchants are still saying they cannot train due to unloading even as the message appears that they are about to leave, which is fucking bullshit. The new tavern is a hit though, people are dancing, playing music and reciting poetry. The diplomat in his usual fashion sticks around for a while, enjoying the tavern even though we have no alcohol.

A small house has been erected near the hospital in the south end of town, designated housing for whatever poor sod is currently occupying the position of mayor. Which reminds me, the charismatic lady who was able to hold the position for two consecutive terms (something i have never actually seen before) is actually Giestina Dangerous, shrewd political negotiator and expert reader of people.

As the season winds on and the very confused traders prepare to leave, a monster approaches, accompanied by a horrid stench on the breeze!

Spoiler:

The horn is blown and our forces marshal alongside the caravan guards! Time to rumble!

[Wyzack]

The beast snarls and rounds the bend into our trade depot. Tedward happened to be nearby, hauling wood inside to be used in construction. He dropped the logs, leveled his musket and pulled the trigger with a deafening CRACK and puff of smoke. The bullet hit the beast in the arm, spattering disgusting blood on the wall behind.

AlmightyFuzz was right around the corner, and he charged the beast and rammed it with his tower shield. He squared off one v one with the monster as Tedward and one of the caravan guards took potshots into the melee. Fuzz took careful calculated strikes while playing defensive, blocking every shot the monster made and breaking the bones in its limbs one at a time. Then some random militiaman ran up and disemboweled it, After that it was a hopeless circle beatdown as the creature was smashed and slashed into the dirt

Spoiler:

The fearsome night creature cursed by the gods, mercilessly killed without landing a single strike on any of our townsfolk or warriors. I think that is a testament to the skill of our military.

After the battle Fuzz grabs the disgusting mass of mutilated flesh and kicks it into the corpse pit with a dismissive scoff

[tedward1337]

Did this beast have the ability to shoot shale rock??
Or am I just reading those combat logs wrong

[Wyzack]

Yeah it seemed that he did. It is probably a side effect of whatever his mortal form was, but he never de-transformed so we never saw it. If you recall Filthydrain all warlocks are able to shoot slade boulders as their default power

[Wyzack]

Summer turns to autumn. Our humans toil tirelessly, as there is always more to build. Gems are unearthed and cut to make glittering windows for the towering cathedral, marble is chopped to make pews and more blocks to finish the building. The furnaces still burn eternal, the flesh of the forest fueling our roaring metalsmithing industry even as Aliennara forges more weapons and mints more gold.

SuperAggroCrag has finally received all the needed materials and makes us a large stockpile of puppy tallow soap. People are grateful to finally be able to bathe properly, and the overall town odor levels are on the decline.

A few days in to the slightly cooler weather, another intrepid necromancing asshole decides he wants to take us down a peg. The dead walk once again


This time it is a human necromancer, and he has brought with him an assortment of shambling elves and humans. AlmightyFuzz is incensed by this news. He makes a decree. Rather than allowing these wizard scum to terrorize with impunity, it is time to meet the enemy head on and put this foul sorcerer to the sword, make an example that the people of MistyScholar are not to be trifled with. Our forces assemble at the west gate and prepare to meet the foe in open battle

[Wyzack]

Aaaaaand it fucking crashed. Rebooting from the start of autumn, how goddamn irritating

[Wyzack]

The invasion has come again, this time from the north instead of the south. Two necromancers, with a third attempting to skulk in. Same situation applies, time to kick ass

[tedward1337]

Killing the necromancers still leaves the tower correct?

[Wyzack]

Alright it crashed again, but this time i actually got through the damn seige. Went down a little differently than last time.

Casat wheezed as he carried several large marble bricks up to the second floor scaffolding of the church. His life had become ceaseless agony since the thunderbird attacked, tearing his insides to shreds and leaving him a ruined husk of a man. Even so, he refused to stop working, refused to make himself a burden to the town that he held so dearly. The horn had been blown, more invaders or some such. He did not trouble himself, the city would prevail on the backs of sturdier warriors than himself. As he eased himself back down the stairs, he looked sharply to his right. Several shambling corpses were literally right next to him. In the front was what used to be an elf, wielding a massive platinum mace. The last thing Casat thought before he was torn to pieces was that maybe the pain would finally stop.

Almightfuzz was sprinting towards west gate with his troops. Newcomer Sylkie Ialen was called upon to rally anyone who had ever previously held a weapon in order to bolster our forces. The plan was to lure half the undead within the walls, slam the drawbridge shut and effectively cut their forces in half. What Fuzz had not anticipated was his old warbuddy Casat disregarding the panic burrow and getting killed. With a mighty cry of rage and loss the militia surged fowards, even as the drawbridge abruptly snapped up and catapulted one of the undead into a wall.

Our forces cut the undead down. Their advantage in numbers had been nullified using the gate and as such our forces were able to slay the invaders with impunity. Django bisected several of them, The new militia sargent held his own. Even the fortress soapmaker SAC pitched in, lancing the undead with a mithril pike.

After the first batch had been eliminated the drawbridge slammed down once again, and our forced sallied forth from the gate. The remaining undead milled about, lacking purpose without a clear path to the heart of the city. Our forces split in two, Fuzz leading half the troops south while Sylkie took the rest north. Seperated, the undead were weak. Unable to fall on our forces as a unified mass of rotting flesh, they quickly fell to the edge of our blades and the might of our warriors.

Spoiler:

The aftermath of the battle is a big fuckoff pile of blood and corpses, and nothing worse than a few cuts and bruises on our warriors. Separating the undead is definitally the way to go, these proper undead actually have weapons and armor that they use. The bowmen even fire their ranged weapons. Unfortunately no necromancers surfaced their heads this time around. Mistyscholar holds.

[Wyzack]

In the aftermath of the battle there was much to be done. The entire population was drafted in a massive corpsehauling effort, the previously animated corpses hauled off to the pit where they could do no further harm. Casat was born down to the hall of heroes to his final resting place. Aranamor engraved a slab in his honor, to be placed in the cathedral where he finally lost his life.


In light of the recent more dangerous invasion, a new decree was put in place. A universal draft was now in effect, any citizen could be expected to be drafted for service. Provisions were put in place to exempt those bearing children, but it was unilaterally agreed upon as the best course of action for preserving the security of our great city

[Wyzack]

Autumn rolls on without much else exciting happening. The dwarves come by, and at the very least we are actually able to trade with them. In hopes of raising the town's morale, we buy out every drop of alcohol they have on them, as well as the usual minerals and foodstuffs. Giestina declares a time of celebration to lift spirits and revel in our successes against the living dead.

Frustrated at our inability to strike at the masterminds behind the assaults due to their cowardly nature, Fuzz consults with Azari and the mechanical craftsmen of the fortress. It is decided to rig up a series of cage traps in the surrounding wilderness. The hope is to catch one of the bastards in a snare, or at the very least get a closer look at the undead assailants in a safe manner.

[Super Aggro Crag]

make soap, stab zombies

I'm gonna clean up this town

[Wyzack]

Finally putting the town's spiritual needs to rest, the temple finishes completion. The vaulted ceiling is two Z levels high and gem windows filter sparkling colored light across the statues and pews. Everyone seems much more at ease with a place to venerate their gods and seek divine communion. More housing is also set up to accommodate our growing population. A repeat order for cutting marble blocks is set. The plan is to amass a mighty stockpile and construct a fortified keep to house the eventual noble class, should we be promoted to have any.

We have a couple choices for our next build project. We can construct a guardhouse for the city guard, build a research library, or make a great archive and start down the human library research tree

[aranamor]

A library means paper, paper means wood, wood means dead trees. My vote for the library.

[tedward1337]

Research!!

[Super Aggro Crag]

Continue soap production until you can make me a house made out of soap, with soap furniture.

[Remie Richards]

Research!!

[Wyzack]

After some deliberation and prodding from Remie, it is decided that the next great project will be a research library, followed by a guardhouse. We will after all eventually need some law and order around this town. It is also decided that assuming they do not fuck up and refuse to sell anything to us this year we are going to sell every prepared meal we can produce in order to pump our exports up hopefully to the point where our town can be considered a barony next year

[The Ultimate Chimera]

Dorfs.

[Wyzack]

TUC and cosmic you guys want humans? We have plenty of militia fighters, and no one has claimed the nearly entirely unqualified CMO yet

[Wyzack]

We get another small migrant wave, boosting our population to 72. Among their number are two nerds who's only skills are performance and music, so one is assigned as a tavern performer and another as a church performer.

The Church is completed and the Research Library is started, as well as more housing being made. Our town is actually starting to kind of look like a town. Once i have a better idea for how the final layout is going to look we will probably pave marble roads to make it complete.

Spoiler:

[Wyzack]

The library is an instant hit, and people hang around reading the few books that we have bartered off of merchant caravans. Remie declares herself scholar and gets busy writing books of her own.

With the second floor of the library completed and allocated to book storage space, work begins on a proper guardhouse and prison near the south gate, where the Fortress Guard will eventually train and maintain order.

Should we have the cells be aboveground or should we make imprisonment a nausea inducing and hellish punishment?

[Wyzack]

Remie Richards wrote our library's first original book!

Spoiler:

It seems to be a book about how she is the bestest out of the starting seven founders. A little narcissistic but what can you do.

I also found out that our parent government the Festive Nation has a very strange symbol, artistic interperatation by Aranamor

Spoiler:

[Super Aggro Crag]

Remie should write a book about soap and the value of proper fortress hygiene.

[Drynwyn]

You mentioned an alchemist's workshop earlier. Name your black powder maker Drynwyn, wouldja?

[Super Aggro Crag]

Black powder sounds messy. Better double down on soap production. I'm Soaper Aggro Clean. I gotta keep it tidy.

[Wyzack]

It is funny you should mention that Dryn.

It was a comfortable winters night, and like many nights several townsfolk were spending their free time in the Spice of Poems, listening to a couple tales and above all, getting good and drunk.

This evening Shace male the chemist and Noloc the female musketeer were really getting in to it. Maybe Shace was feeling a little emasculated since his chemical concoctions were being used by a woman to fight zombies and defend the town. Shace called her a stupid meathead and worthless minion, declaring he hoped she died in the next invasion. The bar fell silent. Noloc laughed heartily in his face, calling him a pencil pushing coward. Shace became enraged, and took his best right hook at Noloc's face. This was a huge fucking mistake

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

Spoiler:

After beating his candy ass all over the bar, she gave him one final judo flip and he hit the ground, his torso promptly splitting to pieces.

She spat on his bloody corpse and staggered out into the night, the entire bar staring horrified at the carnage

[Wyzack]

AAaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand my fucking game crashed fuck fuck AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAa

lost the brawl, it never happened. Will catch up later tonight if i feel up to it

[Remie Richards]

I wrote a booooooooooooooooook

[Wyzack]

Ever since she wrote her first book Remie has been ceaselessly pouring over old tomes and researching in the library. Due to this it seems that our stockpile records are not getting updated and work orders are not getting filled. We appoint a second bureaucrat to pick up the slack so Remie can focus on her studies.

Azari has been chopping marble. Like for a good year now. We have a pretty massive stockpile of master crafted marble bricks, so construction is started on the outer walls of what will eventually become the town's castle, as well as the guardhouse. The Mayor Giestna has appointed An0n3 to be captain of the city guard, and by his decree a dungeon has been dug far below the guardhouse by Takeguru. He has also commissioned ten longswords and ten flint lock pistols to become the standard issue for the city guard.


AlmightyFuzz and Aliphesse have had their second child, young Doorknob now has a baby sister

[Super Aggro Crag]

But wyzack, what of the towns humble soapsmith?

[Wyzack]

SuperAgroCrag has been splitting his time between trainign with the militia and cleaning up the fort/making soap. He is somewhat frustrated at the inability for the chain of logistics to consistently provide him him with lye and tallow to ply his craft, but as of yet there has not been a great soap shortage. SAC showed up with expert soap making skill so the soap is all of very high quality. Maybe once we amass enough of it i will build him a small soap house.

An0n3 has officially drafted 4 others to be the first of the gunslinging city guard, and young musketeer by the name of CosmicScientist among them. They spend their days running combat drills in the guardhouse, but eventually i will set them up so that they run patrols around the city every other month

Oh we also got our first petition for permanent residency! a fucking scaly naga bard if you can believe it. they even do the drawing out sssssss's thing

Spoiler:

So we now have a snakeperson living in the Inn

[Wyzack]

Residents pay for room and board by working. In this guy's case he is a bard, but you can get resident scholars and scribes, and even warriors who will join the army

[Wyzack]

Apparently Take pulled a dorf and dug too deep and greedily while making our little dungeon

Spoiler:

The area is sealed off for the time being, we don't want to invite any monsters in

[tedward1337]

Wait will the city guards use the flintlock pistol then longsword? or will they just use the swords?

[Wyzack]

They will shoot until they run out of bullets or someone comes within stabbing distance. Then they will stab them.

Spring has rolled around again, which means that we need to prepare for our yearly caravan from the homelands and hope it does not get fucking glitched out like last time

[Wyzack]

A herd of savage lionmen drift nearby and attempt to enter the city guard, no doubt to rape our women and steal our gold. The city guard is dispatched at once (did i mention they are called "The Ones of Law"? I didnt pick that name out, it was automatic"

I thought i was just being a colonial asshole for fun but while the guard was marching forward one of the fucking savages attacked one of our carpenters and mauled them to death.

Anon3 and his guardsmen marched to the front of the fort just in time to see Lasiv Kodesivem get mauled to death by one of the brutes, his head torn to shreds. Anon3 gave a rallying cry to summon Fuzz and his warriors, and his guards set about the creatures. An0n3 shot one of them in the chest, smashing up his ribs before cutting off his arm and leaving him to bleed out in the dirt.

Cosmic scientist it seems forgot to bring his bullets today, he charged directly into a pair of them. He greviously wounded one before the other clamped its jaws down on his head, tearing apart flesh and spraying blood. The rest of the squad came to his aid before the creature could get a good grip, striking the beast down. However poor cosmic was quite pale and bloodied.

Chocobro and one other militiaman reached the beast that killed our carpenter, and it took only a few swings to bring the beast down.


As quickly as violence had erupted it was calm again. The Ones of Law had proved their worth in the heat of battle and Mistyscholars was once again safe from savage Savannah furries

[Wyzack]

For what i believe is the first time since settling in this sorching hellpit it has finally rained! The grass gets some of its color back, NSOS and his cabal of farmers get a day off from watering the crops.

Spoiler:

Bottom left is the beginnings of our castle, and to the right of that is the first floor of the guardhouse.

We have also begun to install basic infrastructure in the town. Near the north gate we have installed several paved marble roads, as well as a public park near the well.

Spoiler:

[Wyzack]

We get another migrant wave, boosting our population to 83! This is an exciting number because we have officially passed the 80 person threshold for sieges and invasions

A second huge apartment building is laid out and designed near the north gate by the chapel to deal with these new arrivals. Construction is also resumed on the wall, as it has waned someone with the necessity of other buildings in recent years

[Wyzack]

Tragedy! A pair of horrendous vile tentacle monsters known as Xen infectors have assaulted renowned soapsmith Super Agro Crag! She has received injuried to both of her arms, although in the end she was able to kick one of them to death while Militia Commander Sylkie showed up to kill the other. I am not sure why they are called infectors, but i am seriously hoping SAC has not contracted some horrible disease or parasite

[Super Aggro Crag]

I hope this doesn't affect my goal of having myself a soap house. If I die please name your next soapmaster after me. Soap must flow.

[tedward1337]

How do you make the musket balls/weapons to fire them from?

[Wyzack]

Human stuff is a bit complex, basically they have a contract system where you can get contracts from other races, and use those contracts in a foreign merchant stall or a foreign workshop to get some stuff from other races.

In order to get guns you need to build a foreign workshop and then contract a human gunsmith to work there. You can make a human contract from rock at the craftsmans shop. This gunsmith shop will allow you to make metal mechanisms, bullets, guns and bayonets.

However to make guns you need black powder. To get black powder you need to build a guildhall, make it an academics guild, upgrade it twice so you can buy an alchemists permit with gold coins, and then build the alchemists wing (east) where you can turn brimstone and saltpeter into blackpowder pouches.

As you can see it is a bit of a massive pain in the ass

[Alipheese]

Fuzz, I dunno bout you but our second child should be in honor of Wyzack.

[Akkryls]

Fuzz, I dunno bout you but our second child should be in honor of Wyzack.

Can do, the alternative suggested in discord was Freya, which is sort of nice.