Wizard

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ENEMY STAFF
Generic wizard.png
Wizard
Access: None
Additional Access: Wherever you can teleport to
Difficulty: Very Hard
Supervisors: Space Wizard Federation
Duties: Welcome the crew to DIE.
Guides: This is the guide
Quote: FORTI GY AMA


Wizard's Ship
The Wizard's Ship

Crew members of SS13, I offer you my sincerest greetings. My name is of no matter, but if you must call me something, you may call me The QuarterWizard. I would like to inform you that I am the noble leader of the Wizards Federation.

You may be wondering, "Why, why mighty QuarterWizard, why do you send wizards to the station to destroy us all?"

Well, denizen of the station, it's quite simple really: One or more of your crew has angered our magical Federation, and now you will all pay the price.

If you're lucky enough to only have certain members of the crew anger us, like that geneticist who once claimed that us magical folk are merely "products of genetics research", then you're more than likely to survive, assuming you give our wizard the means to escape early on. If not, well... Not even I, the mighty QuarterWizard can guarantee your safety. We train our wizards to be masters of many spells, so there is no saying how exactly you will succumb to our mighty wizards.

But, for you lesser beings, I have archived a list of our most common spells, so as to assist you simpletons in identifying just how skilled and varied our wizards can be. Wizhat.PNG

Wizarding 101

If you are lucky enough to be chosen to be a wizard, you will spawn in the Wizard's Den, a completely inaccessible ship where you can safely plan your assault on the station. In addition to the various trinkets littering the Den, you begin with a spellbook in your backpack. Using the book, you can spend up to 10 spell points on any combination of wizardly magic that you choose. You also begin with a four-use Scroll of Teleport; if you don't take the Teleport spell, this scroll is how you board the station proper. Once you leave the Den there's no coming back, so make sure you're prepared!

Upon spawning, you'll be asked to choose a suitably (or unsuitably) wizardy name. The magic mirror in your bathroom will let you freely change your name, appearance, and most interestingly race, if you want to play as an alien wizard; remember that many races have noticeable drawbacks, and aren't considered human by the AI.

The most important part of any respectable wizard is their wizardly outfit. The hat and robes you begin with aren't just for style points; without them, roughly half of your list of spells become uncastable! If you don't like the classic blue wizard look, the Den has several other equally magical outfits of different appearances that all function identically. Unless you're playing a stealth wizard, keeping your pants on is absolutely vital. Do everything in your power to keep the crew from stripping you naked. Hurl spells, throw rocks, shout hurtful names at them. Whatever you do, don't let them touch the clothes.

Use the Wizard's Ship you start in to familiarize yourself with the spells before you teleport onto the station. You can even re-learn the spells as often as you'd like as long as you're here. Take your time, there's no need to jump in right away. You should also use the advanced camera console to spy on the station before leaving, to see what the crew is up to and find a safe place to teleport in.

Quick Checklist for new Wizards

1. Choose name, race and appearance with the magic mirror.
2. Spend 10 spell points with the spell book.
3. Make sure you are wearing one of the robes and one of the hats (unless you plan to stealth or use robeless spells). All robes and hats/helmets found on the Wizard's ship have the same stats.
4. (Optional): Bring anything else you think might be useful. The free staffs/brooms are just decorations or very weak melee weapons.
5. (Optional): Find a good location to teleport to with the advanced camera console.
6. Use the scroll of teleportation to teleport to the station. Remember, you do not start with a flashlight. Maintenance will be pitch black.

After arriving to the station, you can do whatever you want. Cast spells by clicking the icons that appear to your upper left. They will be invisible when on cooldown.

Min-Maxing

You can take any of your spells multiple times to upgrade them, generally giving them a lower cooldown. You can also turn yourself into almost any race via your Magic Mirror, some of which are more powerful than others.

Robed Spells

These spells require the Wizard's POWERFUL, MYSTICAL ROBES AND HAT. So wizards, for your own sakes, never take off your robes.

Spell name Invocation Description Cooldown
in seconds
Cost
Attack Spells
Rod Form CLANG! Take the form of a mighty immovable rod, capable of tearing walls down, destroy machinery and critically injure anyone foolish enough to stand in your path! 25 / 21.2 / 17.5 / 13.7 / 10 2
Disintegrate
Smite
EI NATH! This spell will charge your hand with a powerful energy that can blow up the next person or cyborg that you touch. Their brain will still be recoverable. It is seen as a cheap way to kill. 60 / 50 / 40 /30 / 20 2
Mutate BIRUZ BENNAR! Temporarily transforms the wizard into a stun-immune hulk, capable of destroying walls with their massive strength and of shooting lasers using their massive minds. To shoot lasers, use harm intent and click on a non-adjacent target. 20 burn per shot. 40 / 37.5 / 35 / 32.5 / 30 2
Flesh to Stone STAUN EI! Can turn even the angriest crew member into a comparatively calm statue. The spell will wear off eventually but is useful for neutralizing threats non-fatally or creating emergency cover. Keep in mind that when the spell wears off if the statue isn't in good shape anymore the crew member won't be either. Instead of gibbing the target and leaving a brain it turns the target into a solid statue. However after a certain amount of time the statue will revert back to the original target. By itself it's just a gimmick -- players turned into stone won't count as dead for objective purposes. However when this spell is paired with the "Staff of Animation" this becomes a spell even more devastating than Ei Nath or Fireballs.

(tl;dr: Use it with a Staff of Animation or just use Ei Nath.)

60 / 50 / 40 / 30 / 20 2
Tesla Blast UN'LTD P'WAH!' Charges a lightning blast over 10 seconds. When it finishes channeling (you can move while charging) it will shoot a lightning bolt at a random mob within 7 tiles, dealing damage and stunning them. The lightning bolt can "chain" to up to 5 additional targets, and will stun and damage each of them (the damage decreases in potency with each "bounce", but the stun length does not). If no mob is nearby on release, the spell's cooldown will reset. You cannot cast this spell again while it is still charging a tesla blast. The tesla blasts from this spell are not blocked by hardsuits or insulated gloves. 30 / 23.25 / 16.5 / 9.75 / 3 2
Lightning Bolt UN'LTD P'WAH Charges a lightning ball. Click a target to throw it. The bolt will arc and split damage between people hit. Does not stun. Is not blocked by hardsuits or insulated gloves. 20 / 15.7 / 11.5 / 7.2 / 3 3
Lesser Summon Guns N/A Why reload when you have infinite guns? Summons an unending stream of bolt action rifles. They deal 20 brute and 80 stamina damage per shot. Requires both hands free to use. Learning this spell makes you unable to learn Arcane Barrage. 75 / 56.3 / 38 / 19.3 / 1 3
Arcane Barrage N/A Fire a torrent of arcane energy at your foes with this (powerful) spell. Requires both hands free to use. Deals 20 burn per shot. Learning this spell makes you unable to learn Lesser Summon Gun. 75 / 56.3 / 38 / 19.3 / 1 3
Defense Spells
Magic Missile FORTI GY AMA! The bread and butter of most wizards. This spell summons little magical orbs that chase nearby targets, stunning them on hit. While slow, the orbs track their targets, making them very hard to avoid. Every target will have its own orb, so there's no limit to the amount of targets as long as they're in range. 20 / 16.5 / 13 / 9.5 / 6 2
Disable Technology NEC CANTIO! An EMP: disables all technology within range of the spell. Be wary -- it can shock doors. 40 / 35 / 30 / 25 / 20 1
Repulse GITTAH WEIGH! Throws everything around the user away. Range 5 tiles. Also knocks down crewmen for a short stun. Items that are thrown can fly into crew as well, which has potential to deal moderate damage. A good choice when used with Blink to make for quick getaways. 40 / 37.5 / 35 / 32.5 / 30 2
Throw Lightning LIGHTNINGBOLT!! Forged from eldrich energies, a packet of pure power known as a spell packet will appear in your hand that when thrown will stun the target it hits. 1 2
Stop Time TOKI YO TOMARE! Stops time in a 3x3 area around you. Affected mobs will be unable to move, and passing projectiles will be stopped until the timestop ends. This means it can be used to unload a laser gun into a target all at once. The caster (and the caster's Guardian Spirit if he/she has one), is, of course, unaffected by this spell. 50 / 40 / 30 / 20 / 10 2
Spacetime Distortion N/A Will distort the space around you, making it so walking on any of the distorted tiles could lead you to another random distorted tile. Will affect the caster too. 30 1
The Traps CAVERE INSIDIAS Summons various traps around you that will trigger upon being walked on or if an object is thrown over/across them. All untriggered traps disappear 5 minutes after the spell is cast. Includes fire, shock, ice and stun traps among others. You are, of course, immune to your own traps. 25 / 21.25 / 17.5 / 13.75 / 10 1
Mobility Spells
Blink N/A A lesser form of teleportation. The wizard has no ability to control it, and it will usually send him a good distance, but it has a very short cooldown. 2 / 1.6 / 1.2 / 0.8 / 0.5 2
Teleport SCYAR NILA! Instantly transports a space wizard to any location he pleases, as long as it's within range (the Z-level you're on). 60 / 50 / 40 / 30 / 20 2
Ethereal Jaunt N/A After casting this spell the wizard dissolves into thin air, becoming invisible to both eye and thermal sensors, as well as being able to pass through any obstacle. This spell lasts for several seconds. If the wizard was stunned while casting this, he won't be able to move until the stun wears off. 30 / 25 / 20 / 15 / 10 2
Soul Tap AT ANY COST! Taps your soul. Trades 20 max health for a refresh of all of your spells. Does not work if you have no soul, from formerly using Bind Soul. 1 1

Robeless Spells

There are many other spells that do not require THE EXTRA MIGHT of a magic wizard robe. These spells are weaker, but nothing to laugh at.

Spell name Invocation Description Cooldown
in seconds
Cost
Attack Spells
Fireball ONI'SOMA! Summons a destructive fireball in the caster's hand. When thrown it will detonate when adjacent to a target, blinding and deafening him and anyone around him, as well as dealing high damage and usually knockdown. Fireballs are dangerous, though: they will damage the caster as well, if he ends up in the blast radius. Can be cast while stunned. Range is 8 tiles plus 2 per upgrade. 6 / 5 / 4 / 3 / 2 2
Blind STI KALY! Blinds an individual temporarily. 30 / 23.7 / 17.5 / 11.2 / 5 1
Curse of the barnyard KN'A`FTAGHU,`PUCK`'BTHNK! This spell dooms an unlucky soul to possess the speech and facial attributes of a barnyard animal. Anyone unfortunate enough to be targeted with this spell cannot remove the mask without the help of chemistry and can only communicate with obnoxious animal noises. For when you just don't give a fuck. 15 / 12 / 9 / 6 / 3 2
Spell Cards Sigi'lu`M'Fan`'Tasia Activate and you'll be able to shoot five shotgun-like bursts of spell cards, which deal minor burn damage (about 14 per full burst). The cards fly similarly to paper airplanes. 5 / 4 / 3 / 2 / 1 2
Defense Spells
Smoke N/A A large shroud of smoke. It can hide the wizard, and makes people in it cough causing them to drop items. 12 / 9.5 / 7 / 4.5 / 2 1
Forcewall TARCOL MINTI ZHERI! Prevents the simpletons from traveling over a 1x3 area. The wall lasts 30 seconds and are indestructible. The caster can pass freely through it. 10 / 8.7 / 7.5 / 6.2 / 5 1
Bind Soul NECREM IMORTIUM! A dark necromantic pact that can forever bind your soul to an item of your choosing. That item becomes your phylactory and changes color. You should hide it somewhere on the station. As long as both your body and the item remain intact and on the same plane you will revive from death after some time, even if your body is completely destroyed. The time between reincarnations grows steadily with use. Binding your soul turns you into a skeleton. The crew might call you a "lich", even though such race does not exist.

When revived you get a new set of wizard robe and hat. People can somewhat track your phylactory by following the direction of the particle effect that comes from your body when you revive.
N/A 2
Mobility Spells
Mind Swap
(aka Mind Transfer)
GIN'YU CAPAN! Swaps the minds of the wizard and victim, best used if the wizard is being beaten in a physical battle. Mindswap targets will be unconscious for quite some time. Only works at melee range.

Does not work on cultists, revolutionaries and changelings.

60 / 50 / 40 / 30 / 20 2
Knock AULIE OXIN FIERA! Opens any doors within range, no matter what type. Also opens bolted doors and locked closets. 10 / 8 / 6 / 4 / 2 1
Assistance Spells
Instant Summons
(aka Summon Item)
GAR YOK Allows you to mark an item. After this, you can use the spell to summon that item to your hand whenever you want. Vital when you plan to use a magic staff, or you'll end up getting it stolen from you. If the item is within a container, the whole container will be teleported to you. 10 1
Charge DI'RI CEL! Recharges one item held in your hand. Useful for recharging magical artifacts that typically run dry after a few shots. They've also been used in the past by enterprising wizards to recharge other things like energy weapons, spellbooks, and even other wizards! Care should be used in over-reliance on this ability though, as magical items tend to run down if repeatedly recharged. 60 / 55 / 50 / 45 / 40 1
Shapechange
(aka Wild Shapeshift)
RAC'WA NO! Allows you to choose an animal form. You can choose between a mouse (can ventcrawl), a corgi, a chaos magicarp, an ED209 bot, or a juggernaut. Once you choose your form you won't be able to pick the others; you can swap to this form and back to human by using the spell. 20 / 16.2 / 12.5 / 8.7 / 5 1

Artifacts

These are not spells but tools that can be used by anyone. Extremely dangerous to a wizard should one of the crew members pick them up.
Magical staves, swords and hammers generally never fit in backpacks or bags, and must be worn in the back slot. Remember you need a hand free to be able to use the scroll of teleportation to get to the station. You can not use the teleport spell to get to the station.

Icon Artifact name Description Cost
Attack
Staff change.png Staff of Change Allows the wizard to randomly change anyone and anything into an alien, slime, lizardman, cyborg, Syndicate cyborg, monkey, or more! Holds up to 6 charges, and recharges one every 4 seconds. 2
Staff of chaos.png Staff of Chaos Shoots random magic bolts. Charges faster and can hold more shots than other staves: it holds up to 10 charges, and recharges one every 2 seconds. 2
Spellblade.png Spellblade A fairly robust sword with 50% block chance, that can shoot out magic bolts that deal 15 fire damage with some armor penetration that have a high chance of dismembering the limbs it's aimed at. Holds up to 4 charges, and recharges one every 4 seconds. 2
Mjolnir.gif Mjolnir The mighty hammer of Thor. Striking your foes with it will send them flying away frow you, also stunning them, and can be thrown to achieve the same effect. 2
Mjolnir.gif Singularity Hammer A hammer that creates a powerful gravitational field around its target, pulling everything towards it on hit. 2
Defense
Staffofhealing.png Staff of Healing Shoots bolts that can fully heal the living and resurrect the dead. Does not work on yourself. 1
LockerStaff.png Staff of the Locker A staff that shoots arcane lockers. It eats anyone it hits on its way, leaving a welded locker with your victims behind. 2
Scrying orb.png Scrying Orb Summoning this crackling orb of energy will grant you X-ray vision and the 6th Sense, allowing you to hear the ghosts chattering. You will lose this powers if it ever leaves your inventory, however. Additionally, it allows you to ghost while alive, letting you speak with any dead souls personally and allowing you to float around as one. A deceptively powerful tool for spying, essential for the elusive stealth wizard. Don't forget about your body while you're scrying, though! 2
Soulstone Belt.png Wand Assortment A belt that comes of one of each useful wand; unlike staves, they do not regenerate their shots. 2
Wizardsuit.png Mastercrafted armor A magic-gem-encrusted spacesuit, it functions the same as normal wizard robes, plus being space-worthy and armored. Minor slowdown. Now you can cast spells in space and low temperature places! 2
Battlemage armor.png Battlemage armor An ensorcelled suit of armour, protected by a powerful shield. The shield can completly negate sixteen attacks before being permanently depleted. 2
Flux anomaly.png Battlemage armor charge A powerful defensive rune, it will grant eight additional charges to a suit of battlemage armour. 1
Mobility
Staff of door creation.png Staff of Door Creation Works the same as the wand of door creation. There is apparently demand for this! Holds up to 10 charges, and recharges one every 2 seconds. 1
Warp whistle.png Warp whistle A strange whistle that will transport you to a distant safe place on the station. There is a window of vulnerability at the begining of every use. 1
Assistance
Staff of animation.png Staff of Animation A deadly weapon for a wizard who likes to steamroll their opposition. The staff of animation will shoot a bolt that brings whatever object it hits (besides complex machinery, tables or windows) to life. The animated object will then move and attack everyone in range but the person who spawned it (which is hopefully you). In combination with the Flesh to Stone spell, the Staff of Animation can be used to create player-controlled statues. These statues have a wide selection of unique powers (of the "MY EYES!" variety), are near-invincible and receive explicit instructions to not harm or kill the Wizard. However, these statues may also blind you. Holds up to 6 charges, and recharges one every 4 seconds. 2
Soulstone.png Six Soul Stone Shards A belt filled with 6 soulstone shards that can can be used to trap and enslave the spirits of your friends! You also gain the spell Artificer, which lets you spawn a shell every 60 seconds. Unlike other artifacts, this cannot be used by the crew. 2
Necrostone.gif Necromantic Stone This stone will allows you to raise dead people as skeletal thralls. Using it does not deplete the stone, but you can only have up to 3 active thralls at a time. 2
Scroll.png Contract of Apprenticeship A magical contract binding an apprentice wizard to your service, using it will summon them to your side.
Using this contract will send a prompt to ghost who have wizard enabled as a role: should any answer yes, after 15 seconds you will find yourself with a brand new alcolyte. Should they answer no, or if there are no ghosts at the moment, you can try again later or refund the contract by clicking the spellbook with it. If you do keep yours around note that contracts can be used by non-wizards too.
When you use the contract you are able to choose from four sets of two spells for the apprentice to learn.

Destruction: Fireball + Magic Missile
Bluespace Manipulation: Jaunt + Teleport
Robeless: Knock + Mindswap
Healing: Forcewall + Charge/Staff of Healing
Once they have chosen a name, the spawned apprentice is given a set of blue robes, a single-use teleport scroll and an objective to keep you alive.
Remember that your survival is paramount! The round doesn't end if your apprentice dies, but do try to keep him alive.

2
Syndi cards.png
Guardianspirits.gif
Guardian deck A deck of tarot cards, capable of binding a personal guardian to your body. There are multiple types of guardian available, but all of them will transfer some amount of damage to you. It would be wise to avoid buying these with anything capable of causing you to swap bodies with others.

Types of guardian:
Assassin:
Does medium damage and takes full damage, but can enter stealth, causing its next attack to do massive damage and ignore armor. However, it becomes briefly unable to recall after attacking from stealth.
Chaos:
Ignites enemies on touch and causes them to hallucinate all nearby people as the guardian. Automatically extinguishes the user if they catch on fire.
Charger:
Moves extremely fast, does medium damage on attack, and can charge at targets, damaging the first target hit and forcing them to drop any items they are holding.
Dexterous:
Does low damage on attack, but is capable of holding items and storing a single item within it. It will drop items held in its hands when it recalls, but it will retain the stored item.
Explosive:
High damage resist and medium power attack that may explosively teleport targets. Can turn any object, including objects too large to pick up, into a bomb, dealing explosive damage to the next person to touch it. The object will return to normal after the trap is triggered or after a delay.
Gravitokinetic:
Attacks will apply a field of heavy gravity on the target, slowing them and making them drop held items. Can alt-click ground to manually place heavy gravity fields. Recalling or moving over 10 tiles away from the fields will remove them.
Lightning:
Attacks apply lightning chains to targets. Has a lightning chain to the user. Lightning chains shock everything near them, doing constant damage.
Protector:
Causes you to teleport to it when out of range, unlike other parasites. Has two modes; Combat, where it does and takes medium damage, and Protection, where it does and takes almost no damage but moves slightly slower.
Ranged:
Has two modes. Ranged; which fires a constant stream of weak, armor-ignoring projectiles. Scout; Cannot attack, but can move through walls and is quite hard to see. Can lay surveillance snares, which alert it when crossed, in either mode.
Standard:
Devastating close combat attacks and high damage resist. Can smash through weak walls.

2
Wiz vial.gif Bottle of Blood This bottle of blood, when broken, will attract a Slaughter Demon, which can bloodcrawl and will kill indiscriminately. It does not serve you and it'll try to kill you if it gets the chance, but it can decimate an unarmed crew. Maximum of 3. 2
Wiz vial.gif Bottle of Tickles This bottle of tickles, when broken, will attract a Laughter Demon. It will try to prank the crew (and you) by tickling them to submission. The only effective difference from a slaughter demon is that when killed it will revive all of the corpses it has eaten, because it was just a prank, bro. Maximum of 3. 1

Magical Items

Wands, unlike staves, do not recharge over time. They can be recharged with the Charge spell, but even then they may lose maximum charges after every charge.

One-use spellbooks teach a spell to the first user. Everyone that reads it subsequently will instead trigger a recoil effect, usually harming the reader.

Wands Charges
Wand of death.gif Wand of Death: Can and will kill anything instantly. Nasty, nasty stuff. 3
Wand of healing.gif Wand of Healing: This wand uses healing magics to heal the living and revive the dead. Rarely utilized, for some reason. 10
Wand of polymorph.gif Wand of Polymorph: For when you just need a change. Be careful if using on yourself, as many potential forms lack arms to wield the wand! 10
Wand of teleportation.gif Wand of Teleportation: Will rip up and scatter anyone or anything caught in its path. Unlike teleportation spells employed by the wizard, this wand makes no qualms about depositing teleportees in space, fires, or the center of a black hole. 10
Wand of door creation.png Wand of Door Creation: For when you need an easy way out. Point at a solid wall and fire -- who needs ID cards in this day and age? 20
Wand of fireball.gif Wand of Fireball: Useful for burning those you don't like and everyone else too. Point away from face. 8
Books Recoil Effect
Smoke spellbook.png Book of Smoke This book is overflowing with the dank arts. Teaches ONE user smoke. Makes the user extremely hungry.
Sacred flame.png Book of Sacred Flame Become one with the flames that burn within... and invite others to do so as well. Teaches ONE user sacred flame.
Sacred flame ignites you and those around you on fire, get protective gear
Glows ominously, but does nothing.
Mindswap spellbook.png Book of Mindswap This book's cover is pristine, though its pages look ragged and torn. Teaches ONE user mindswap. Does nothing to the first user; when a second user reads it, the users' minds will be swapped.
Knock spellbook.png Book of Knock This book is hard to hold closed properly. Teaches ONE user knock User is knocked down for a long time.
Forcewall spellbook.png Book of Forcewall This book has a dedication to mimes everywhere inside the front cover. Teaches ONE user forcewall. User is petrified for a minute.
Summon spellbook.png Book of Instant Summon This book is bright and garish, very hard to miss. Teaches ONE user instant summon. The book vanishes.
Fireball spellbook.png Book of Fireball This book feels warm to the touch. Teaches ONE user fireball. Causes an explosion centered on the user.
Charging spellbook.png Book of Charging This book is made of 100% post-consumer wizard. Teaches ONE user charge. Emits a short-ranged EMP pulse.
Blind spellbook.png Book of Blind This book looks blurry, no matter how you look at it. Teaches ONE user blind. User is blinded for some time.
Barnyard curse spellbook.png Book of Barnyard Curse This book is more horse than your mind has room for. Teaches ONE user the barnyard curse. Casts barnyard on the user.

Rituals

Rituals are powerful, one-time use spell that can only be cast from your spellbook on your ship. These are generally either completely pointless or detrimental to the crew (and you) in some way or another; their true purpose lies in causing PURE, UNTAMED CHAOS.

Invocation Description Cost
Summon Ghosts Spook the crew out by making them see dead people. Be warned, ghosts are capricious and occasionally vindictive, and some will use their incredibly minor abilities to frustrate you. 0
Summon Guns A strong spell that can be used only once. Summons a random weapon at everyone's feet (excluding the feet belonging to you or any apprentices), arming the crew to fight you and alerting them of your presence. A portion of the crew will become antagonists with a survival/steal guns objective, causing chaos as the crew fights one another. 2
Summon Magic Grants the crew an assortment of various trinkets from the legendary wizard self storage box. The assortment is wide and varies wildly in usefulness, but will always alert the crew of your presence and can make them a dangerous threat to you. Similarly to Summon Guns, this spell will make part of the crew antagonists with a survival/steal magic objective. 2
Summon Events Replaces all random events with an assortment of magical wizard events, from cursed items to random name-swaps to LAVA FLOORS and more! Subject the station to a storm of mass chaos! The more times you cast Summon Events, the more often they will occur. 2
Curse of Madness Using this curses the station, warping the minds of everyone inside, causing lasting traumas (you can send a message with it too as the catalyst). These traumas are usually pulled from the regular list, but there are a couple of unique magical traumas only found by using this spell. 4

Wiznerd Events

The big bad list of all the devious magical events that replace the usual random events on the station. These happen uppon purchasing the Summon Events ritual at least once, and their frequency increases with each purchase.

WARNING: This table has not been updated in a long time, and is severely out of date. Do not expect all of the events listed in this table to still be in the game.

Special Events Prompt Effects Chance
Advanced Darkness
Warning:
Your eyes hurt... a vignette settles in your vision and closes in.

Start:
This isn't your average everyday darkness... this is advanced darkness!
End:
At last, the darkness recedes.

Restricts the vision of affected mobs to a single tile in the cardinal directions. Flashlights, normal lights, they all do jack when you're trapped in Rock Bottom. Low
Blobies None Some corpses turn into non-sentient Blob Zombies which are non-infectious. Average
Change Faces None All sentient beings (including the wizard) swap their faces randomly High
Change Minds None All sentient beings (except for the wizard) swap their minds randomly. An assistant can have his mind swapped with the captain, antags are carried along with the mind, but if you're a changeling, you're sort of boned. Very Low
Change Places None All sentient beings swap places randomly (if they are in the station) Low
Cursed Items None Cursed Katanas, Fake Wizard Robes, LSD Laced Cigarettes, Boxing Gloves, Luchador Masks, Chameleon Masks, and Cat Ears are distributed among the crew Average
Department Revolt The nation of [nation] has been formed. Affected jobs are [message] You are a separatist! [nation] forever! Protect the sovereignty of your newfound land with your comrades in arms! A random department (greytide, medbay, engineering, science, cargo, or civilian) secedes from the station. OH CARGONIA... Very Low
Fake Explosion None Nuclear alarms go off, makes everyone shit their pants. Very Low
Ghost You suddenly feel extremely obvious... Ghosts are now visible to the crew. Average
Greentext The mythical greentext appear at your feet! Pick it up if you dare... Anyone who picks up the greentext gains an objective to escape alive while carrying the greentext. Problem is, the greentext is absolutely gargantuan and weighs a literal ton. High
Imposter None A fake, identical body double to the real wizard spawns. Can cast fake spells to confuse and scare the crew. Very Low
Improved Casting None The cooldown of a single spell for the Wizard is decreased as if that spell had been taken again. Average
Invincible None A random human (filthy liggers get out) is injected with 40 units of adminordrazine, making them invincible for 100 ticks Average
Lava Warning:
You feel the ground beneath you getting hot. Waves of heat distort the air.

Start:
The floor is lava! Get on top of something!
End:
The ground cools and returns to its usual form.

The ground turns into surprisingly cool lava, lightly damaging anything on the floor. Flood the station with plasma for optimal effect. Low
Magicarp Unknown magical entities have been detected near [station_name()], please stand-by. Magicarps and Chaos Magicarps are spawned around the station Very Low
Petsplosion None The bane of every HOP, animals around the station start to randomly gib Low
Possession You suddenly feel a welling of new spooky powers... Ghosts become visible to the crew, and can possess objects and spook people Low
Race You feel somehow... different? Everyone turns into a random different species. Very unfortunate if you happen to turn into a Plasmaman. Low
RPG Loot None All items get a snazzy little pronoun which either buffs or nerfs the item. Items can be buffed by using an item fortification scroll. Average
Robeless Casting None The wizard can now cast all of his spells without any of his robes. Low
Summon Guns None Everyone get guns, some get a survival objective Very Low
Summon Magic None Everyone gets a wand, some get an objective to steal magical items Very Low

Wizardeventsround.jpg

Your typical wizard events round.

Magical Traumas

These Brain Traumas only appear when you (the wizard) cast the Curse of Madness ritual before heading to the station. There is a 20% chance that a person will have a Magical Trauma rather than a mild/severe/special trauma.

Name Effect Warning Message Scan Message
Athaumasia Gives the victim an immunity to magical effects and projectiles. Mind over magic, baby. You realize that magic cannot be real.
Thaumic Blank
Lumiphobia Makes the victim hyper-sensitive to light, causing them to burn when exposed to anything more than a dim glow. You feel a craving for darkness.
The light burns you!
Light Hypersensitivity
Poltergeist The victim is haunted by a poltergeist that will aggressively throw objects in the area towards him/her. You feel a hateful presence close to you. Paranormal Activity
Stalking Phantom An dark presence that only the victim can see stalks and ruthlessly mutilates the victim with ghostly claws once it has caught up to him/her. Unrelated side effects include intense paranoia and a feeling of being stalked. You feel like something wants to kill you...
It's coming closer...
Extra-sensory Paranoia

The AI and You!

NOTICE: THE WIZ IS HUMAN (unless he is a lizard wizard or a Skeleton, or something that's, you know, not a human.)

Usually, when you go on your long space adventure, you come across an AI.

The AI will either be nice to you and attempt to protect you from the evil crew, or it will track you the whole time, and attempt to trap you! (Luckily, you have been trained by the greatest!) If this happens, go into the AI core, and see how he can track you while it's dead.

If you're feeling nice and don't mind being stunned a few times, you can always pop into the upload! When you get inside, take a Freeform module, pop out, and make nice law explaining how you are practically god of the station, and return to the upload, and of course, upload it!

After that, the AI will be very nice to you, and serve you, his master.

A Friendly Wizard

Being a friendly wizard is not recommended on high population rounds, as it generally makes both crew and observers bored. Many hate friendly wizards for this and other reasons. But if you really don't feel like doing any harm, you are allowed to live peacefully among the crew. The staff is usually friendly towards non-harmful wizards [CITATION VERY MUCH NEEDED] if they announce themselves to be friendly, and the AI is usually programmed to prevent harm to you if you're human. So pop over to the HoP escorted by the Captain/HoS and request a proper ID card. Just remember that you are by law and backstory an enemy of Nanotrasen. All crew are allowed to kill you, and some may try.

Beginner and Popular Loadouts

Your first time playing as a Wizard can be disorientating and very hard, but also demanding. Just figuring out what spells to take is half the gamemode onto itself, the other half is utilising those spells. As such this section will detail some basic, but robust, starting Wizard loadouts.

You only get up to 10 spell points to spend, meaning your spell loadout will be limited. So don't overspecialize.

The Beginner Wizard

  • Magic Missile
  • Smite/Fireball
  • Ethereal Jaunt
  • Blink
  • Knock/Stop Time/Any Utility Spell

A basic, but robust set up. Gives you good offensive and defensive capabilities that favour hit and run attacks.

Ethereal Jaunt and Blink give you mobility, allowing you to pop up in rooms and hallways to attack. Magic Missile is a reliable stun that homes in on targets, making it forgiving for a beginner wizard. Smite is a reliable way to take out opponents downed by Magic Missile, while Fireball runs the risk of blowing yourself up but offers powerful ranged attacks.

The last slot can be used for whatever utility spells catch your eye. Knock lets you open most any doors and lockers, for when you need to loot the crew, and Stop Time is an incredibly powerful offensive and defensive tool.

The Murderboner

  • Fireball
  • Stop Time
  • Ethereal Jaunt
  • Magic Missile/Mutate/Rod Form/Blink/Guardian Deck/Upgrades
  • Magic Missile/Mutate/Rod Form/Blink/Guardian Deck/Upgrades

Heavily oriented around attacking and killing the crew, you suffer from very little defensive spells, thus relying on being robust enough to kill anyone before they become a threat. The combination of Fireball and Stop Time is currently one of the most popular murder-wizard setups, thanks to its ability to quickly shut down anybody who comes close, and Jaunt remains an incredible mobility tool.

The last two slots can be whatever spells you think will help you murder; Magic Missile for reliable stuns, Mutate or Rod Form for more killing spells, Blink for more mobility, a Guardian Deck for an ally, or just upgrading Fireball or Stop Time further.

The Slippery Wizard

  • Ethereal Jaunt
  • Blink
  • Teleport/Warp Whistle
  • Magic Missile/Mind Swap/Stop Time
  • Magic Missile/Mind Swap/Stop Time/Any Offensive Spell

This loadout focuses on surviving almost exclusively. You're going to have to rely on stealing station weapons in order to kill people, however you yourself will be really hard to kill as you have a large array of defensive and retreat spells to use.

With three mobility spells, the crew will have a hard time catching you if you play your cards right. Mind Swap is a "get out of jail" card for when you screw up, Stop Time and Magic Missile both slow the crew down, and taking any one offensive spell can be a good choice to actually, you know, kill people.

The Stealth Wizard

  • Fireball
  • Knock
  • Shapechange/Scrying Orb/Warp Whistle
  • Shapechange/Scrying Orb/Warp Whistle
  • Any Robeless Spell/Any Artifact/Any Ritual

Playing as a stealth wizard can be risky, but fun. Make sure you choose a realistic name, because the Head of Personnel is going to ask questions if Meren the Unshakable asks for a new assistant ID, then try to teleport onto the station without getting caught. You'll have no access, so rush to find some clothes, then come up with an excuse to ask for a new ID, or simply do without. There's always the chance that the AI will see you warp onto the station in a huge cloud of wizard smoke, immediately ruining your plan, but if you can manage to get on board undetected, you'll have gotten past the first hurdle.

The crux of a stealth loadout is making due the best you can without wearing your robes; Fireball is loud and will probably give you away, but your best choice for a robeless offensive spell, and Knock becomes the wizard's emag.

Shapechange, Scrying Orb and Warp Whistle are your escape and defensive tools. Shapechanging into a mouse lets you ventcrawl to safety, the Orb is a very useful tool for planning your heists and keeping up with the station, and the Warp Whistle is a great emergency button for when you absolutely need to get out of a situation. You can take all three, or pick any fun-looking robeless option for the last slot. Just remember that if you're playing a stealth wizard, you want to choose things that won't tell the crew you're a no good magic user.

The Artificer

  • Any Magic Weapon or Artifact (Recommended: Staff of Change, Mjolnir, Staff of Animation, Spellblade, Staff of the Locker)
  • Instant Summons
  • Ethereal Jaunt/Blink/Magic Missile/Stop Time/Knock/Flesh to Stone
  • Ethereal Jaunt/Blink/Magic Missile/Stop Time/Knock/Flesh to Stone
  • Ethereal Jaunt/Blink/Magic Missile/Stop Time/Knock/Flesh to Stone

Less of a complete loadout and more of a template, this set is designed to maximize the effectiveness of your artifacts. If you want to kill, take Mjolnir or the Spellblade. If you want to cause chaos, take the Staff of Change or Animation. If you want to troll, take the Staff of the Locker. Make absolutely sure that you're holding your staff of choice in your active hand, then cast Instant Summons to 'lock' it in, allowing you to recall your tool anytime.

The last three slots can really be anything; the given spells are mostly defensive and utility options to keep you alive while you use your weapon. If you take the Staff of Animation, taking Flesh to Stone lets you turn people into angry animate statues. You can also take offensive spells, if your main weapon can't kill very well.

The JoJoke

  • As many Guardian Decks as you can afford
  • A Staff of Healing, if you roll a Dexterous guardian.
  • Optionally, Ethereal Jaunt or Blink.

Similar to the offensive set above, this loadout relies on murdering everybody on the station. Unlike the above, it achieves this by summoning as many Guardian Spirits as possible, rolling up to the crew with your posse of stands, and working together as a squadron of punchghosts. For best results, use the decks one at a time, so you can buy any Dexterous spirits a staff; Healing is the most responsible use for keeping your team alive, but if you really don't give a fuck, arm it with anything.

Because any damage your spirits take is reflected back to you, because the crew rightfully takes a stand wizard as an open invitation to brawl, and because this loadout tends to cause admins to blast Jojo music, rounds featuring Guardian Spirit wizards tend to be very short, very chaotic, and very fun. Even better, Guardian Spirits are player controlled, so you get to invite more people to the party!

Space Asshole

  • Summon Events x5

Did you know that your wizard ship has a camera console in it that you can use to observe what's going on in the station? You'll be using it a lot with this loadout, as if you die, the round will instantly end, ruining everyone's fun. Since you are almost certainly going to die within 5 minutes of teleporting down onto the station, it might be best to just stay on your ship for the whole round and never teleport to the station at all. Observing the events of the round through your camera console shouldn't get too boring, though, because the level 5 version of Summon Events summons an event EVERY MINUTE! Yes, that's right, a wacky wizard event will occur EVERY MINUTE until the game runs out of wizard events to summon! And YOU can watch the resulting chaos from the comfort of your own ship!

Of course, if you're going to spend an entire round in your ship, don't be surprised if the adminbus rolls up and starts messing with you. And everybody else in the round will probably hate you. But hey, you're the wizard, right?

Tips

  • While knocked down, you can still cast most of your spells, with a few exceptions: jaunt will make you invulnerable, but you won't move until the stun runs out, and touch-based spells like disintegrate will need you to attack the target.
  • Someone in the "Unconcious" state can be instantly Soul Sharded, regardless of health. Anyone under 50% HP can be KO'd by a briefcase with 100% reliability. See that assistant that burned himself to shit on the door? Briefcase bonk, shard.
  • Suicide bombing is a very easy way to kill a wizard but may get you banned if you fuck up. The general rule of thumb is, if you miss, you're gone. Welderbombings can also knock the wizard out if he's not very good.
  • Removing a wizard's hat or robes will often render him completely impotent, as very, VERY few wizards carry spare hats in their backpack. Acid or fire smoke grenades work well for stripping their hats. Muzzling them also makes them unable to cast most spells if you can actually hold down a wizard long enough.
  • The Staff of Animation can animate holographic objects. They retain their 'force' and do not disappear when they leave the holodeck/the holodeck is shut off. So you can load up the thunder dome simulation over and over for infinite E-sword buddies.
  • Wizard EMP shocks doors, so you should not better use doors as wizard, after you use EMP skill. Also the staff of animation is even more OP than Veil Render, just use it on knifes, hatchets and other items of big robustness. Combine this with EMPing security guys, which approach you and mutating in hulk, when you see guys with syringe guns (however, if chemist is not mainstream and deploys lexorin or unstable mutagen, you would get outrobusted) for greater effects.
  • The wizard's Knock spell opens bolted doors too.
  • The staff of change works on AIs.
  • Mindswap does not work on megafauna.





...Now, fearless follower of the Wizards Space Federation..

I have but one question for you, now that I revealed all this knowledge to you,

Will you be ready?


With Love,

The QuarterWizard


Jobs on /tg/station

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Command Captain, Head of Personnel
Security Head of Security, Security Officer, Warden, Detective
Engineering Chief Engineer, Station Engineer, Atmospheric Technician
Science Research Director, Geneticist, Scientist, Roboticist
Medical Chief Medical Officer, Medical Doctor, Paramedic, Chemist, Virologist
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Antagonists Traitor, Malfunctioning AI, Changeling, Nuclear Operative, Blood Cultist, Revolutionary, Wizard, Blob, Abductor, Holoparasite, Xenomorph, Spider, Swarmers, Revenant, Morph, Nightmare, Space Ninja, Slaughter Demon, Pirate, Sentient Disease, Obsessed, Fugitives, Hunters, Space Dragon, Elite Mobs, Sentient Slime
Special CentCom Official, Death Squad Officer, Emergency Response Officer, Chrono Legionnaire, Highlander, Ian, Lavaland Role
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Traitor

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Changeling

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Nuclear Emergency

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Revolution

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Wizard

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Other Modes