Ian Stories

[Hellafied]

Everyone has their own Ian story. Wether it be playing as Ian himself, or having a great experience with him.

Once a badmin made Ian player controlled, an someone inevitability killed him. Badmuns brought Ian back to life, made him green an invincible, and name him zombie Ian.

Another time I was HOP I had Ian dressed in clothes, when the cap came in the talk to be about Ai laws, Ian was changed by a badmin and renamed Runtime, had a tail, and had on kitty ears. I started screaming "THIS IS NOT IAN" "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" I lasered runtime Ian to death. The cap commended me on this, saying how the station needs a good head tha takes charge. Then Fourtine Ray gets a laz injector and revives him.

[FredNodoor]

This happened yesterday,

>Be security
>All of the sudden Ian was a full blown alien queen.
>WHAT
>Monkey bites him and we all gang rape shark attack him
>I run in there to hug Ian and drag him around
>Realize that im stuck in the bridge
>Whelp
>After a couple of minutes, HoS comes in and gets pissed at me
>Then we get trapped in and plasma floods the room
>The HoS RUNS INTO PLASMA WITH A ALL ACCESS ID CARD AND BURNS HIMSELF
>Ian is scared as i try to help the HoS breathe
>Were fucked
>I hug ian hard as the flames engulf me and the HoS
>HoS calls me newfag in dedchat
>Ian is just a charred alien lord mess
>There was no hope
>

[bandit]

Everyone has their own Ian story. Wether it be playing as Ian himself, or having a great experience with him.

Once a badmin made Ian player controlled, an someone inevitability killed him. Badmuns brought Ian back to life, made him green an invincible, and name him zombie Ian.

Another time I was HOP I had Ian dressed in clothes, when the cap came in the talk to be about Ai laws, Ian was changed by a badmin and renamed Runtime, had a tail, and had on kitty ears. I started screaming "THIS IS NOT IAN" "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" I lasered runtime Ian to death. The cap commended me on this, saying how the station needs a good head tha takes charge. Then Fourtine Ray gets a laz injector and revives him.

FYI: That wasn't the admins. That happens whenever you put kitty ears on Ian.

[Hellafied]

Everyone has their own Ian story. Wether it be playing as Ian himself, or having a great experience with him.

Once a badmin made Ian player controlled, an someone inevitability killed him. Badmuns brought Ian back to life, made him green an invincible, and name him zombie Ian.

Another time I was HOP I had Ian dressed in clothes, when the cap came in the talk to be about Ai laws, Ian was changed by a badmin and renamed Runtime, had a tail, and had on kitty ears. I started screaming "THIS IS NOT IAN" "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" I lasered runtime Ian to death. The cap commended me on this, saying how the station needs a good head tha takes charge. Then Fourtine Ray gets a laz injector and revives him.

FYI: That wasn't the admins. That happens whenever you put kitty ears on Ian.

Everything I know is a lie...

[peoplearestrange]

My recent story from playing Ian:

I start the shift alone, no HoP to pet me, I must search for my own pettings.
PRAY: I'm a small dog could the dog god see fit to allow me to squeeze through vents?
You suddenly feel more squishy.
Aw yiss!
Crawl around through various vents, eventually bump into a clown. Speak to the clown on a whim, clown understands me. "I didn't know clowns could speak dog?!"
Hang around with the clown for awhile. Play fetch with a banana on the stage (dragging it back to him each time).
Suddenly a wild assistant appears and trys to stab me, clown dives in front, taking pretty much all the hits until security turn up and arrest the assistant. Everyone leaves the bar except me, clown and a really drunk bartender. Talk to the clown, forget about bartender.
Bartender says "WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK!? A TALKING DOG?!"
Ian says "No your just so pissed you think the I'm talking to you"
Bartender stares into the stage looking slightly crazed.
Me and clown head to medbay to get him healed up, I bark and woof etc in front of everyone else, never letting on I can speak to anyone but the clown and the drunken bar tender.
HoP appears in medbay.
Tori Gray [Hop] says "Awwwwww there you are Ian! Whos a good dog!"
We're alone with just the clown, tell the HoP that the clown knows my secret that I can talk and they've been looking after me. Suggest clown should be my walker and have AAA so I can get about, HoP agrees.
After the HoP gives clown access (even writes out a note and stamp/signs to show that the AAA is actually for Ian not the clown and the clown is official walker) we go for a bit a jolly.
We visit the brig and science, not a huge amount happens.
Eventually we end up going through the gateway, we land in a shuttle somewhere and try to explore the area, unfortunately I didn't have a HUD so didn't realise I was dying from oxy loss.
I die. Admin respawns me, obviously I die again pretty quickly.
After some time my dead dog body is returned to the station.
The Captain sees me and drags me to genetics to try and clone me, this doesn't work (Why can't the cloning machine clone simple mobs?).
After give up all hope he drags me to the chapel.

Tony Langston says, "Ian died in the line of duty. he is to be launched from the chapel. Come say your goodbyes"

Random Assistant rushes in just as they're about to fire my coffin out:

Dillon Cox exclaims, "stoP!"
Dillon Cox asks, "What are you doing?"
Tony Langston says, "IAN IS DEAD DAMMIT"
Dillon Cox says, "Dont"
Tori Gray exclaims, "NO!"
Dillon Cox says, "We can save him"
Tori Gray cries.
Tony Langston exclaims, "NO WE CAn'T!"
Tori Gray says, "me hugs Ian."
Tony Langston exclaims, "IT'S OVER!"
Dillon Cox exclaims, "We can drag him to the lazarus pit!"
Dillon Cox exclaims, "It can revive him!"
Tony Langston exclaims, "The fuck even is that!?!"
Tony Langston exclaims, "Isn't that the batman shit?!"
Dillon Cox says, "BUBBA HELP US"
Tori Gray exclaims, "WE CAN SAVE HIM CAPTAIN!"
Dillon Cox exclaims, "Only you can save him!"
Tori Gray exclaims, "I CAN'T LOSE HIM!"
Tori Gray cries.
Dillon Cox exclaims, "Someone save him!"
Tori Gray asks, "Where are the lazarus pits?"
Tori Gray exclaims, "I'll take him there myself!"
Dillon Cox says, "Do it"
Dillon Cox says, "Take him to the lazarus pit"
Bubba asks, "How do we save him?"
Bubba asks, "wheres that?"
Dillon Cox says, "I hear in mining"

(I don't even...)
They start to drag me to the mining shuttle, it's probably also worth mentioning things had gone to shit by this stage and the emergency shuttle had been called until:

Priority Announcement

The emergency shuttle has been recalled.

Captain Announces

We can't leave! Launching a forward task force to locate the lazarus pits rumored to be on this very mining station. LET'S SAVE IAN!

After some fucking around in cargo and no one having a clue where the "Lazarus Pits" are, suddenly (I assume) an admin spawns a Lazarus Injector on the Dillion Cox.
I am alive! The HoP goes and fetches some medals for Bubba (the clown) and Dillon Cox (Assistant) for saving and restoring my life.

Sergeant Ian woofs, "Good work Greyshirt"
Sergeant Ian barks, "Thats one up for the greys!"
Dillon Cox says, "Just your average day dog loving citizen"
Sergeant Ian woofs, "I wish that was a comon phrase"
Bubba says, "You the greyshirt the station deserves"

Some more stuff happens in between the shuttle being called and arriving and I die again, unable to be revied this time. (I genuinely can't remember and my logs don't show it, I think it was a fire at escape or something?).

Such an awesome round.

[bandit]

Everyone has their own Ian story. Wether it be playing as Ian himself, or having a great experience with him.

Once a badmin made Ian player controlled, an someone inevitability killed him. Badmuns brought Ian back to life, made him green an invincible, and name him zombie Ian.

Another time I was HOP I had Ian dressed in clothes, when the cap came in the talk to be about Ai laws, Ian was changed by a badmin and renamed Runtime, had a tail, and had on kitty ears. I started screaming "THIS IS NOT IAN" "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" I lasered runtime Ian to death. The cap commended me on this, saying how the station needs a good head tha takes charge. Then Fourtine Ray gets a laz injector and revives him.

FYI: That wasn't the admins. That happens whenever you put kitty ears on Ian.

Everything I know is a lie...

When I'm HoP I like to get the kitty ears, put them on Ian, then convince the CMO to let me adopt Runtime to have dual Runtimes

[cedarbridge]

Everyone has their own Ian story. Wether it be playing as Ian himself, or having a great experience with him.

Once a badmin made Ian player controlled, an someone inevitability killed him. Badmuns brought Ian back to life, made him green an invincible, and name him zombie Ian.

Another time I was HOP I had Ian dressed in clothes, when the cap came in the talk to be about Ai laws, Ian was changed by a badmin and renamed Runtime, had a tail, and had on kitty ears. I started screaming "THIS IS NOT IAN" "THIS IS NOT NORMAL" I lasered runtime Ian to death. The cap commended me on this, saying how the station needs a good head tha takes charge. Then Fourtine Ray gets a laz injector and revives him.

FYI: That wasn't the admins. That happens whenever you put kitty ears on Ian.

Everything I know is a lie...

When I'm HoP I like to get the kitty ears, put them on Ian, then convince the CMO to let me adopt Runtime to have dual Runtimes

Somewhere in Coderbus, somebody just had a seizure.

[ThanatosRa]

... I clearly remember either a quotes thread post, or a screenshot, of a HoP praying for Ian to be able to understand him, then getting his wish while folks are in line with the twist that Ian was speaking Spanish, causing the hop to immediately murder him because it's a dirty language.

[Kangaraptor]

>be mime
>you are the traitor
>okay.jpg
>get wallet, screwdriver, multitool, crowbar
>no captain
>sweg
>find door wires
>turbohack into captain's office
>give myself all access
>find annoying dog
>stuff it in washing machine
>turn it on
>the end

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

[QuartzCrystal]

One time as a quarter master I had a player controlled Ian come in with the HoP and order Ian's girlfriend. The player controlled Ian then went ahead and made puppies. I was tired of having puppies all over so I put them all in my office and gave the puppies away in locked lockers. Ian was very upset about this so I gave his last puppy away to the chef who was planning on eating it. Ian was really upset at this so I sent his girlfriend to the mining asteroid. He growled at me a lot so I locked in my office and left him there.

Another time I was HoP and had a player controlled Ian follow me everywhere (security, AI sat, etc). It was kinda baller and he was actually helpful. He got killed by a traitor though so I ruthlessly killed the traitor and then yelled at genetics to clone him for the remainder of the round while I drank bottles of whiskey and cried in the medbay as the geneticists tried and failed.

[Saegrimr]

>Clown kills Ian in the bar
>Clown gets dropped by lynch mob and disposal'd
>Didn't ban the people who killed the clown

And that's the story of how Ian enabled a modification of the rules over the course of a week and multiple threads.

[damiac]

Typically, one changes the rules first, then changes enforcement, but that's really only if you're interested in fairness or making any sense.

Around here, whatever was enforced last is the rules.

[Saintish]

>Clown kills Ian in the bar
>Clown gets dropped by lynch mob and disposal'd
>Didn't ban the people who killed the clown

And that's the story of how Ian enabled a modification of the rules over the course of a week and multiple threads.

> tfw rules can be retroactively changed to avoid banning people
> tfw FNR is useless

And that's when I realized we're all shit, deep inside.

[damiac]

Well, it's better to retroactively change rules to avoid a ban than the other way around, but still, that seems rather unfair to that particular clown.

"No, we won't put off enforcement of unimportant netspeak rules to avoid ruining someone's antag round, but someone's round was ruined over a fake dog? Better change the rules post haste, we wouldn't want anyone punished for griefing the clown!"

(PS, every time I type 'griefing' my spellcheck recommends 'fingering' instead . No internet, that's not what I want to say...)

[Kangaraptor]

>be mime
.....

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

dammit mso don't make me laugh

[Whoisthere]

I once took Ian to the dorms if you know what I mean

[dionysus24779]

It wasn't exactly Ian, but it's still a Corgi story.

I don't remember it very much since it's so long ago... but me as an engineering cyborg and another secborg were both emagged by a traitor who had to steal Corgi Meat. Problem was that Ians location was unknown and we couldn't find him no matter how much we searched. We tried to order Corgis from Cargo but there were too many people who paid attention and told us not to waste points on Corgis...

I was about to give up when out of nowhere a Corgi walked up to Cargo and I was like "A CORGI!!!!" and the Corgi was player controlled and could even talk. I dragged him around in search of my master and eventually we killed the Corgi to deliver its meat to my master. It was kind of sad since the Corgi thought I was just an excited Engieborg who adopted him and took him around the station...

[Raven776]

I was once a borg, I carried a traitor AI to victory, and then I put the AI core on the mining satellite.

When I inevitably got dunked when I needed a recharge, the admin spawned me as Core-Gi in the AI chamber as an engineer was cutting his way in.

[Fragnostic]

>roll assistant tator
>get revolver
>see Ian near Custodial Closet
>empty the entire wheel of ammo on that fucking bitch
>space myself
Yap another day, Ian.

[Ames]

I like to play CE a lot, and thus I really hate Poly, and murder him every shift. Unfortunately this has the side effect of wanting to also murder Ian when I'm HoP. I'm trying to cut down on that though.

[Incomptinence]

Once upon a mime I killed some pets including ian and runtime by throwing objects at them. I was present for the investigation, mourning and funeral.

Latter on because we were on a low population I was allowed to make my silent ass a fully armed combat mech.

I named it something like I KILLED IAN.

No valid kills were made that shift.

[Lovecraft]

Just shoot Ian, say he died of natural causes, and move on.
I do it every round as Head of Personnel and I've never been killed over it.

[Kot]

Corgisquad. Badmin shit resulted in Runtime killing Ian so Centcomm sent in Corgisquad. Shit was hilarious.
I would provide screenshots or actual story if i had some.