Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

General SS13 Chat
User avatar
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2015 7:32 pm
Byond Username: Kel the Oblivious

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Kel-the-Oblivious » Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:57 am #534493

>You are the shaft miner!
>Alright, time to strike the earth.
>Digganob around
>Huh, comms are awful quiet
>Oh, hey a fellow miner
>Wait, they don't have a survival suit?
>Hit twice, deploy legion core!
>Small skirmish where they try to rush me, but have to back away due to KA
>Book it off into the ash
>Storm hits, hide in Heirophant arena
>Poke my head into the outpost
>They are camping there, waiting for me to return
>Fellow miner arrives
>Try to explain the situation when suddenly I black out
>Miner bro tries to save me, gets 10mm'd to death
>Wake up just in time to get a DEsword to the face, book it into the ash again
>Comms are dead, can't tell the station
>Start tendril hunting, maybe I can find something to even the odds
>See wounded paramedic
>"Hello?" "AAAH!" They run off into the ash
>Seems I've been framed
>Okay... Hey, golems!
>Drop off satchel, get some supplies, bro it up with golems
>Get some tools, they had a protolathe. Bro golems are full of bro.
>Even NV mesons!
>Kill all my lights, become lurker in the dark.
>Tator is roving with another miner and paramedic, seems they convinced the station I was the bad guy
>Fuck, they saw me!
>Yakkity off into the ash, they are hot on my tail
>Deploy jaunter!
>Wormholed into space outside the bomb test range
>All of them follow me.
>None of them were ready for a space walk, paramedic dies in the void
>Survival stim, GO! Emergency shelter, GO!
>Chilling in my shack, waiting for death to find me
>Random engineer floats by.
>"Please tell me you aren't here to kill me too."
>Nope, just a bro engineer, they haul me back to station.
>Thank the stars for small blessings, head to security to explain the situation.
>Sec sees me, and instantly applies stunbaton
>Confirms I've been framed.
>"If i was a criminal, why would I come to security?!"
>"Good point."
>They check my bag, find assorted miner gear and nothing else.
>Free to go
>There is an imposter miner following me. Wearing the ID of the hero who died to save me.
>Head back to mining, giving the imposter the slip along the way.
>Digganob it up, find some gear.
>Momento Mori, Champion Hardsuit
>Disappear into the ash once again, but now I do not fear the storms.
>Evac shuttle is called, use a jaunter.
>Fuck, stuck in a wall, and that assistant is just laughing at me
>Cutter out, head to shuttle
>Imposter miner is there, and he's following me around.
>Slip into red section of shuttle, imposter follows
>Survival stim, knowing he was going to try to murder me
>Black out again, and see them start to DEsword me
>Sec just mobs them, while I'm down in crit
>Survival stim + Momento Mori = I'm immortal bitch
>Shuttle docks
>THREE traitors were tasked with murdering me, all of them failed
>Didn't kill any of them, but managed to give them the slip the entire round

Manuel is a great server.
The master splicer, the bitch queen of mining, and some crazy ligger peddling you medicinal marijuana.

Super Aggro Crag wrote:Kel is a genuine Cool Oldfag

User avatar
confused rock
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:18 am
Byond Username: The unloved rock

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Thu Jan 16, 2020 7:36 am #536003

Perhaps some of these events are out of order. order started to lose all meaning during the rising action.
>Manuel Delta Station secguy go go go
>Head of security gives a singular order to the detective that my brain calculates means that me and the HOS will have a poor relationship this round
>I'm right, for the wrong reasons.
>Round goes on and I hear about a friendly wizard
>he gives a resurrection staff out, which I particularly loathe because of the tension it removes
>he decides to spend the round doing chemistry work
>This turns out to be the most destructive choice he could possibly make...

>hear some shit about skeletons at engineering
>perhaps this is the proof I need to persuade the HOS that the wizard is working against us!
>lights are smashed all over
>find the captain's pda, with the CE's id inside?!
>before I think it over, I get jumped by the skeleton of the captain!
>fuck, there's no fixing that. I kill it, taking a nearby shotgun and the pda
>HOS is convinced there's two wizards- I'm not.
>That won't last long.

Rising Action (aka the really long part)
>passing by tech storage, I see a lot of locker staff weldings- magic staves have already started falling into the hands of non wizardss, even though miraculously no magic was summoned, nor events, nor ghosts.
>at least, that's what I figure, since I'm being attacked by two holoparasites at once and between the pellets from the ranged shots I figure that the culprit's in one of those lockers. best off shooting the stand.
>So anyways, I started blasting.
>sawn off riot shotgun's not perfect, but when I run out of ammo I'm still in decent health and the holoparasites have warped away, or die.
>soon as I get my bearings, I learn the correct answer was warped away.
>I don't remember it taking so many pellets to down a holoparasite, and I'm limping away in a maint tunnel by the time I'm down to my last shot, still being peltered.
>it's dead by the time the last shot hits the bloody thing.
>I limp off to find the guy who got that healing staff and come back to find this time, the holoparasite didn't warp away. the remains are lying on the floor.
>I take a scroll, confirm there are two wizards.. and a scrying orb?
>I figure apprentice, but ghosts are less than pleased to see me. one is very worried about me having access to scrying and tells people to shush up. others greatly want me to kill the first wizard. I am not given evidence for their wrongdoings, however, so I must stand by the HOS' order to leave them be.
>I pretend to finish scrying and overhear from the worried ghost that he's thinking about a sentient disease, currently only affecting one person- a doctor.
>I warn the doctor of the issue and we immediately administer plenty of spaceallin so at the worst, the disease will die with him.

>now, everything starts to gel together.

>commotion leads to me learning of a new wizard gearing up in his den. by now, I'm assuming that there's going to be more and more of these, and I'll have to kill them all fast- this includes finding evidence against the first wizard.
>some prick in the bridge, probably the AI, calls the shuttle with the reason being to motivate security to get their shit together.
>As far as I'm concerned, this is a direct insult to me
>use that pda I picked up earlier to recall it. my shit is SO TOGETHER! some engiborg yelps about me not being the CE but I don't give a fuck.
>a wizard attacks the brig!
>by the time I get there the HOS is dead on the floor, but I can't process that while I'm shooting the wizard to death with buckshot.
>Scry around a bit to scan for more wizards in the den, but it seems clear.
>I keep some character while scrying, changing my outlook. I hardly notice the difference between in character and out of it from my experience with the ghosts, and I start to think it's normal to hear them.
>most of the ghosts either ignore me or outright hate me if they aren't urging me to kill the first wizard- from what it sounds like, they're angry with me for killing wizards so mercilessly- what, am I supposed to leave other wizards to die? is there more to this?
>load up on buckshot and take a command headset from my opponent to inform the remaining heads of staff of the situation, including damon, the head of personnel, who I must repeatedly urge to take captaincy
>"Yes, that is THREE wizards. one is still alive, the first on-"
>comms cut out, just in time for me to notice 2 more wizards in the den. I think it's two at once, but one is the apprentice.
>I need to get comms back on ASAP and warn the crew
>grab an inducer from engi, stroll through tcomms just in time... for the ai to fix it anyways
>xray from the scrying orb spots smoke in the captain's office!
>run in to administer buckshot
>I shit my pants each time I point blank him since he's got an obliteration in his hand!
>this wizard's armor shocks me as he keeps surviving when I think each shell should've killed him.
>after one of the shots he finally stops crawling towards me.
>alright, tiime to lea- more smoke!
>this apprentice wastes no time in slinging a fireball, singing me while knocking him unconscious and leaving him to burn to death.
I, uh, guess that means I've killed four wizards?
>I, uh, should probably heal the HOS by now. they've been lying in security for a while now.
>I don't have much time to think about it, as one of the chittering ghosts upon my scrying orb informs me that I shouldn't bother since the HOS is now a wizard
>This is quite shattering even for what I've heard. I should be taken completely aback by hearing this, but it gels with what I know enough already.
>first thing I check? where's the new wizard- hiding in a morgue tray
>chuck a flashbang in, they run out, I shell them a good few times.
>shell break
>Another wizard comes in while I'm talking with the hop! and a space dragon!
>scrying tells me both are near medbay. I announce my intention to deal with the wizard, but that the dragon isn't my area of expertise and I'll have to trust the warden with dealing with it.
>Somewhere around here, I learn that the first wizard has commit suicide, from his ghost. Yet there's also a slimeperson of their name?
>The dragon kills some, but spends most of its time just breaking walls to space. I start to wish killing dragons was my area of expertise.
>wizard's a bit of a joke. I see them with a stand, I see them turn into a corgi, I see their garbage lying in escape, presumably killed by the dragon.
>guess I have to figure out dragon hunting, then.
>I chase it all the way to science, as it seems to have more intent on causing hull breaches than fighting me.
>unload buckshot in meleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

>oh it died.

>heading back to the bridge, that's five wizards I personally killed, one wizard-killing dragon I killed, and one wizard kind of just.. flopping over.
>I scry over and over, but there are no more wizards stopping by the den.
>I resign my skills to other uses, like killing a morph (not before it eats the ore silo since the ai took far too long to open the vault, only for me to remember I have the teleport scroll right after.)
>The AI has conveniently glazed over the human wizards I killed, and has me sorting out an issue it has with a cyborg and a catgirl who was allegedly finishing off dying people and robbing their bodies.
>I essentially blow it off- it's not my problem, this isn't my area, and no ghosts are claiming to have been killed by this cat. shoo.
>that seems like the right choice, in the end. but what else am I to do?
>I sit in the bridge with acting captain damon, scrying to see if there's any way I can make this station more the tops.
>There's a lot I could fix, but I'm not even sure where to start. that locker staff was found by an engineer named Jodie, who has been abusing it and a necromantic stone, as far as I'm concerned. All the stone invites is trouble.
>I scry and I scry and I look back to see myself dying.
>I learn that the roundtype was actually dynamic- an hour and 30 minutes into the round, damon was turned into a traitor and, well, shoots me in the face.

>Damon now has two scrying orbs. he leaves me in his bathroom.
>At this point I might as well give up hope, but I'm terrified of letting my death be so mundane. There must be something!
>he publicly announces his upcoming purge
>attempt to in the most casual way possible bring up that I was made a traitor later as well. I suggest if he has the time to revive me I could join him in the purge.
>the lie goes.. at least better than I expe- wait, why is damon in a locker?
>Jodie, in the most spectacular display of perception I've ever seen, decides that Damon publicly announcing the purge he plans isn't in our best interest.
>Jodie's not sure if it was a joke or not, though they have plenty of time to decide thanks to the locker staff she plucked.
>"Is-a-Lizard, is he bad? move up and down if so"
>this fucking changes everything. fuck it, I don't need to go along with this plan if I can get anyone else to help me.
>sway side to side to signal no so I can keep up the reputation with damon, who she leaves in a locker before I guide her slowly to the bathroom I've been left in.
>the healing staff user is nowhere to be seen- cloning is sluggish and I come out more than slightly brain dead, but alive!

Falling action
>coming out of the cloner, it's clear the station has little time left. shuttle'll be here in five minutes, the asteroid shuttle.
>My mind's all over the place- this is the first time since before I killed my first of five wizards that I haven't been in touch with ghosts- I just barely realise that I don't even know what my plan was when I was a ghost!
>Supermatter's dying because cynic was locked in engineering and spited the entire station by delaminating it, reminding me of a similar situation I saw in the past.
>I don't have time to think about anything any more. my mind has to focus on the welded locker in front of me.
>Damon is welded inside, but the warden is trying to change that!
>I plead with the warden but he completely ignores me, plasma cutting the locker open and running off.
>immediately Damon brandishes a riot shotgun with a barrel far longer than mine could ever compare to. now, I feel and am naked.
>he didn't account for one thing, though. his back is against a wall.
>I shove the gun out of his hands before he gets a chance to use it, and unload twice as many shells as I probably needed to into him.
>I get on most of my pants before jodie comes over, and I have to awkwardly deny that earlier I said Damon Wasn't a serial killer, despite now claiming that he blew my brains out.
>Let's just get out of here. Meteor on delta doesn't have an entrance in the right spot, so I grab a pick and try to dig it out before a scientist does it with a plasmacutter and I feel stupid.

>Me and jodie chat about the situation in our scrying orbs where I can properly explain what happened with me and Damon
>At round end, I look over the wizard's objectives.
>each wizard, beyond the first, has one objective- kill the first wizard.
>well, that explains why the ghosts both wanted the first wizard dead and lamented me stopping the later ones.
>if I had killed the first wizard based off my instinct instead of showing restraint in getting them valids, none of this would've happened.
>whether that means I should've killed the first wizard or not, I still can't decide.

I never went that deep into the scrying orb before, but the interactions were very interesting. I imagine hearing about the HOS becoming a wizard was not entirely dissimilar to a certain situation in pathologic 1, which is 15 years old so that's not a spoiler any more.

User avatar
In-Game Admin
Joined: Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:00 am
Location: Here
Byond Username: Jack7D1

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Jack7D1 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:43 pm #536039

Security was renamed to "Is-a-lizard stole the Chief engineers ID"
Bridge was renamed to fridge
Medbay was renamed to blood zone v2
Etc etc. Jack Miller and Helen were the best assistants ever.
Elysius Languida is a pacifist moth who dies every round.

Joined: Sun Sep 29, 2019 2:30 am
Byond Username: Nianjiilical

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby nianjiilical » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:58 pm #540082

>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself
human: ramon chivara
ai: shitpost generator
borg: shite-115
clown: LOUD CLOWN until i think of something better

highly unrobust xenobiology/medbay slut

User avatar
confused rock
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:18 am
Byond Username: The unloved rock

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:01 pm #540084

Lmao, best part is even an asimov ai is allowed to do that because uhhh *opens silicon policy textbook*

User avatar
Joined: Tue Apr 22, 2014 12:02 pm
Location: UK
Byond Username: Peoplearestrange

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby peoplearestrange » Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:39 pm #540601

nianjiilical wrote:>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself

Reminds me of AlmightyFuzz's story of "traitor AI"
> Gets one humaned by one traitor
> gets ANTI-MOV'd by another.
> Kills original one and only human due to the new laws
> kills self again following the laws
/tg/stations' Forum Mother
oranges is the center point of rational and calm debate, where much of tg's issues are worked out in a fun and family friendly environment

miggles wrote:it must have been quite the accomplishment, killing a dead butterfly

WeeYakk wrote:If you take a step back from everything watching the community argue janitor related changes is one of the most surreal and hilarious things about this game. Four pages of discussing the merits of there being too much or too little dirt in a video game.

Operative wrote:Vote PAS for headmin! Get cucked and feel good getting cucked.

TheNightingale wrote:I want to get off Mr. Scones's Wild Ride...

NikNakFlak wrote:Excuse you, I was doing intentional bug testing for the well being of the server. I do not make mistakes.

Fragnostic wrote:stop cucking the first shitshow ever that revolved around me.
This is my moment, what are you doing?!

Anonmare wrote:Oranges gestures at the thread, it shudders and begins to move!

Saegrimr wrote:
callanrockslol wrote:all you have to do is ban shitters until the playbase improves/ceases to exist, whichever comes first.


Screemonster wrote:hellmoo is the mud for grown adults who main reaper in overwatch

Kor wrote:
confused rock wrote:...its like if we made fire extinguishers spawn in emergency boxes and have them heal you when you put out fires rather than them being in wall storages...

Are you having a stroke

bandit wrote:you are now manually GLORFing

MrStonedOne wrote:The best part about the election is when I announce my pick because I'm just as surprised as everybody else.

PM:[USER]->IrishWristWatch0: Yeah, im make it on but how im make the station to to sun and not go to sun

OOC: Francinum: Five Rounds at PAS's
"You are destinied to defeat Dr. Uguu and his 5 Robot Masters
(All-Access-Man, ShootyBlackCoat Man, ChloralHydrate Man, Singulo Man and TeleportArmor Man)"

I'm a box

User avatar
Joined: Thu Oct 20, 2016 5:42 pm
Location: TN
Byond Username: Nabski
Github Username: Nabski89

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Nabski » Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:02 pm #541471

This story is OLD, back when Okand was an admin before they were headmin, but after detectives were removed from the traitor list. I was reminded of it by the medRP thread.

I spawned as the detective over a lunch break on some map that I never fully learned. I want to say the bar/kitchen was a tall vertical thing with entries off both sides of the main hallway. 20 or so players online. Someone has broken into the vault and I'm casually investigating. It has finger prints I figure out who it was the captain arrests them good job entire security team (aka me). I go to the dining area for some food and on the table there is a PULSE RIFLE. I don't think I had ever actually used a pulse rifle at this point but I had heard of their massive power. Being the massive member of shitsec that I am, I scan it for prints and not finding any put it in an evidence bag. I walk around with the evidence bag and ask EVERY SINGLE CREW MEMBER if they know anything about it.

No-one does.

I don't remember if I ahelped or just prayed about it. While waiting for the answer to "what's up with this gun" I decided to at last fire it since my lunch break was ending. It exploded and removed my arm.

User avatar
Joined: Thu Aug 10, 2017 9:32 pm
Byond Username: Wesoda25

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby wesoda25 » Tue Mar 17, 2020 11:32 pm #550080

This amazing story has inspired me to use a duffelbag from now on, God bless our duffelbagers
Where does your body end?

User avatar
Joined: Sun Jun 10, 2018 8:38 am
Byond Username: Fikou
Github Username: Fikou

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Fikou » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:57 pm #550674

>be me
>go on lavaland to mine
>nevermind need to take a shit
>afk in a crate
>come back, hear bubblegum eating miner
>take miners shit, take his head to resurrect him
>go back to arrivals with the mining ship
>oh shit a wizard
>he chops my hand off with a spellblade and magic missiles but i run away
>go into robotics, put the miners brain in a debrained body, no soul, also get hand back
>hunting of the wizard follows, not much happens
>wiz is in cargo, revives a guy into a roman skeleton
>he uses magic missile, stuns everyone in the room, including that skeleton with a claymore
>go in the room, grab the claymore off the ground and chop the skeleton's head off while he's stunned
>wiz blinks into vault, wait in vault maint for the perfect moment
>he blinks into vault maint
>chop his head off with a claymore, end the round
>grab the spellblade

User avatar
Joined: Mon Nov 23, 2015 7:32 pm
Byond Username: Kel the Oblivious

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Kel-the-Oblivious » Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:37 pm #550692

>Late join Manuel as security officer
>Wander around, checking stuff out
>Hear the chaplain talk about holding a sermon
>"Meh, alright, lets see what gimmick they have."
>It's a cult of Ronald McDonald
>Alright then.
>"I must go get burgers for sacrament!"
>"Alright, you head off, I'm going to try this whole prayer thing"
>Pray to admins for them to deliver unto me a super sized number one, extra sauce, with a Dr Gibb, no ice.
>"You hear a whisper in your head" Are you lovin' it?
>And so began my life as the cultist security officer of the Church of Ronald.
>Ronald granted me minor thickness, but it was Reads-the-Book that was TRULY blessed
>His thickness was so great that he would cause space time to warp if he spun.
>Together, the three of us, Immo, Ann, and Reads set out on a quest to gather together the holy trinity. Nuggies, Burgers, and Large Fries
>In the end, the Golden Arches sat within the chapel, every tile covered in one of the three thickening sacraments
>A ghost of the King tried to disrupt it, but was chased off every time.

Behold the THICKENING of Reads-the-Books
The master splicer, the bitch queen of mining, and some crazy ligger peddling you medicinal marijuana.

Super Aggro Crag wrote:Kel is a genuine Cool Oldfag

Joined: Mon Mar 09, 2020 7:17 pm
Byond Username: NikoTheGuyDude

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby NikoTheGuyDude » Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:17 pm #550993

>be me, clown Unfunny Lizard on manuel

> do le funny clown stuff for the beginning of the shift, give a clown a hat of the honkmother, slip sec, say bad puns over the radio, throw a pie at someone

> cap says hes going in his salt room for protection against the revenant

> "From your tears? Cause you cry so much since noone loves you"?

> "yes"

>"Captain, I WANT YOUR SALT"



> basically borderline sexual harassment

>pie a catgirl who is shoving me, said catgirl responds by critting me

>get arrested by sec

>taken to med for 5 lobotomies

this is where it gets intresting

>escape their grasp and slip them 10 times each and cause the sec to stun the doc twice before being subdued and lobotomized 5 times

>somehow avoid brain traumae except for psychotic brawling and a fucking IMAGINARY FRIEND

>nothing of note for a while, a few slips

>in brig

>get threatened with perma

>get brigged instead

>both a fucking revenant and nightmare try to kill me (rev had obj to make my life hell, i suppose for the borderline rape)


>i ask friendo how they can noclip through walls

>"a gift from my lord, L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer."

>how can i get this power myself?

>well, it requires you to have me summoned on the physical plane.


>go to chapel

>turn off lights

>make runes

>make candles

>get a body from morgue

>cmo comes along with a circular saw and helps with the ritual, but is speculative

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer FUCKING SPEAKS TO US and demands a dead black slime


>friend goes to sleep for a bit and i go get the slime, science is cooperative for once

>biggest fucking mistake ever in the entire existence of reality itself


>go back to chapel

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer speaks, says it will be done, they will have a physical form

>friendo wakes up 5 min later

>they die and are reborn atop the gibbed corpse, AS A PURPLE XENO WHO KNOWS FUCKIN REPTILLIAN (am lizard so i understand)

>sacrifice another body

>friend gains the ability to convert simplemobs to the cult

>we convert ian, poly, runtime, a cockroach, a clown from a clownstorm event, etc.

>not in chronological order

>eventually RD sees us and demands for BOTH of our executions

>i pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer and ask for protection

>i get a weakened cult stun


>detective shows up and tries to coax me into death

>i say no

>they kill me


>i salt a bit in dchat about validhunters

>friend almost kills det




>midnight rose said they didnt expect lethals quite so soon

>i get revived

>rev tries to tell me to kill warden, i ignore them


>me and friend, me with cap headset now, go fuck aroudn for a while

>i get AA somehow

>we go to xenobio for some reason

>this after a clown portal storm HONK

>clowns are around







>eventually we break out

>people screamed about singuloose for a while now, i didnt care





>pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer for salvation



>CENTCOM ANNOUNCEMENT COMES: SINGULO HAS BEEN FUCKING HIJACKED BY L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer!!!!



>never see friend again, they jumped into singulo

>i mourn

>ask why i was betrayed

>realize i was exploited as a conduit for the devouring of our reality

>i ask why they did it in prayers

>"To devour."

>i grow sad

>take my gold horn




>singulo is now narsie

>its deadchat controlled

>d e v o u r

>i ask the honkmother for forgiveness



this round was fucking insane oh my god. all because of a little lobotomy and admemery, all of reality is gone

this round just happened btw

User avatar
In-Game Admin
Joined: Tue Oct 29, 2019 2:00 am
Location: Here
Byond Username: Jack7D1

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Jack7D1 » Tue Mar 24, 2020 12:22 am #551005

Very good round lots of bones
Elysius Languida is a pacifist moth who dies every round.

User avatar
confused rock
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:18 am
Byond Username: The unloved rock

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Thu May 28, 2020 4:52 am #563049


>security on manuel, boxstation, round with about 40 people
>This round would only be possible on the new design of boxstation
>no captain
>no hos
>no warden
>no other security staff
>detective goes braindead in a locker
>only a hop
>five minutes in brig explodes with me in it
>I am on fire knocked on the ground at 50% hp
>roll the fire out
>I am trapped
>slam a firelock alarm despite the cold to escape, drink a coffee, rush back and grab a donut and a hardsuit
>use donut to heal up to half health again and have to guard the armory till it's half-fixed and I go to the hop for extra access
>guard armory for over 10 minutes until I get specific pda messages for help
>it's a blue APC, which I'm sure is emagged
>geneticist moth lumin lux is concerned about the same APC and I say I'm on the case
>took me several minutes to walk to the apc
>poor communication means it takes me like 10 minutes to forensic scan all evidence
>hop's door is emagged, black gloves? I'm not wearing them and no other sec, is this the janitor?
>APC has janitor suit on it. it is the janitor.
>1 geneticist is missing, the other runs into my beepsky
>searching the janitor, explain it's about the emag business
>nothing suspicious on him so I'm about to let him go
>"WHATS AN EMAG" he says
>that was playing dumb so hard that I know he's involved somehow
>give him to the hop as they're the only person with authority otherwise who I can trust
>after failing to find the other janitor I reluctantly let him go for the time being as maybe he is just that stupid and it'd be awfully invasive of me to search for a storage implant on a hunch
>"hey, there's traitor stuff at escape"
>it's a.. storage implant box... with janitor jumpsuit fibers on it...
>fortunately for me the stupid janitor falls right into my arms yet again
>one of the doctors in medbay is too stupid to do a surgery but he politely points that out and fetches a competent doctor, who removes the implant
>toolbelt, airlock charger, emag
>drag him to hop, who agrees that a trial would be good since this guy is absolutely hilarious
>while he's in the trial box, before it's announced, I tell the hop to not announce it yet- the janitor has a pda message!


>the pda message is from someone named jordi- they've subverted the ai, and knew that crush had one of the borgs subverted before. they're interested in working together.
>play along, we'll meet at arrivals
>leave the guy with a lawyer, failing to regard the track record lawyers have of letting out even the most dangerous criminals
>hop comes with as backup. we're still poorly armed since we have to get to the meeting asap
>grab braindead detective's gun as plan B
>head to arrivals
>disabler the guy down on sight, a mediborg and a standard borg were hiding nearby
>I can't get cuffs on this guy yet but I probably shouldn't shoot every criminal I meet as the only example of security this station has!
>unload the ion on both borgs while occasionally disablering jordi so he can't get up
>get cuffs on jordi but the borgs are back-I don't notice how much the mediborg is poisoning me
>when I realise I don't have much time awake, I unload the revolver into jordi in hopes the borgs won't try to save him once he's fully dead.
>that doesn't matter to me now! I'm bleeding out!
>bleed out as I watch the hop scuffle with the borgs. I never see her again.
>after my death, I watch the borgs struggle to barely keep jordi alive. the mediborg's saline solve most his ills.
>curse myself as my body dries in the vacant office despite having suit sensors, as the borgs were too busy evacuating jordi. even less reason for me to keep my sensors on in the future!


>"Um, is-a-lizard looks hurt on suit sensors"
>a lizard doctor shows up outside the vacant office
>don't you fucking say it
>"open vacant office please"
>watch the door get set to shocked
>another doctor, human, shows up, and the AI has to open the door to avoid blowing cover.
>the doctors bring my body back to medbay with the HoP going unnoticed, as do the ai's subtle, but failed attempts at murdering both doctors.
>All of my organs are rotted partially
>I get a synthetic heart, but the ai shorts the power to medbay intentionally, forcing the doctors to leave me half blind and with constant tinnitus
>the eye damage heals but as I wake up I am informed I have already caught the sentient disease that is killing all of medbay- it's ludicrous to cure and for the rest of the round I'm popping synthflesh and pentetic acid to keep myself alive.
>My mistake was trying to use silence as cover and thinking me and the HoP could take on jordi and his borgs with no preparation. This time, I'll let everyone know.
>Scream as obnoxiously as possible over radio the exact crimes of jordi, crush the janitor, and the AI.
>Okay, got that part down... now I regret how hastily I equipped myself in fighting jordi earlier
>genetics set up a public station and I grab insulation and cold resistance
>use cold resist to visit the exploded brig and grab an ion carbine along with an advanced egun
>I'm going to need help if I want to fight the borgs and jordi, plus ultimately the ai, this time. Especially since I'm balancing my awful organs and my supreme injuries. Maybe find where crush escaped to along the way.
>See an assistant call the shuttle
>I don't care where that guy got the access, I just need his help.
>head through the hop office to get into the bridge, using crush's airlock charger-
>both borgs are headed at me! And an atmos tech? But jordi was an engineer or assistant! and another guy as well?!
>Retreat to have the medborg follow me, stunning it and unloading into it with the detective revolver. No idea how I didn't emp myself with the ion carbine.
>hurt somewhat since jordi shot me with a stechkin and I only had riot armor, hurt a lot more since the disease has been killing me the entire time
>a moth comes in and starts shooting as well! I shout a quick explanation in case he's confused and take the distraction as a chance to use my last synthflesh patch
>run back in to finish off the other borg, I toss a flashbang into the conference room but by the time it goes off the moth has killed both of the humans
>moth is bleeding but I'm out of meds
>the masks of our enemies are removed, jordi's friend was crush!
>the moth is lumin lux, and he takes some solace knowing that was the guy who emagged his APC.
>now to deal with the AI.. since this is box, it's on the bridge with us.
>Lumin is easily destroying the turrets one by one by using telekinesis, xray, and a fire axe, while I mostly worry about what the disease is doing to me
>But I'm an officer! This is my job!! I have an ion carbine and a recharging laser gun!!! I can help-
>I try to shoot one of the turrets with a laser gun, but I forget that I'm dual wielding, shoot myself with the emp, and stop my synthetic heart.
>The moth almost seems to fail to notice my insignificant death and effortlessly takes out the rest of the turrets.
>The AI points out that it is a mere victim of circumstance, and Lumin points out that they don't have time for this before slicing the ai until it makes the loud beepy noises and it bluescreens.
>Lumin walks by my body, pauses, and picks me up.
>I'm revived on the shuttle and mostly feel like dead weight. but we lived!

I guess dealing with a subverted AI, two borgs, and two humans isn't normally that great, but doing it as the sole member of the security team, with dysfunctional organs, with a disease rapidly degenerating my body, is one of the most impossible fights I've ever had and I'm so glad that moth mopped it up. Being a retry of a fight I lost due to hubris earlier made it one of the most important fights ever to me as well. I wouldn't have noticed jordi's pda messages to crush the janitor if I hadn't decided to give crush a trial and look deeply into his stuff, but I wouldn't have had my suit sensors left on if I didn't summarily almost-execute jordi at the right time to distract his borgs.

User avatar
Joined: Wed May 01, 2019 9:30 pm
Byond Username: Tarchonvaagh

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Tarchonvaagh » Fri May 29, 2020 2:57 pm #563221

"You cannot defeat what lives on in the heart, and soul, of every TG player" - Birdboat

User avatar
confused rock
Joined: Fri Sep 25, 2015 12:18 am
Byond Username: The unloved rock

Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Fri May 29, 2020 5:14 pm #563236


>Jordi is carp bundle murderbone man
>find most of his dead victims to revive
>one moth who helped me figure out what was going on is still missing and after I catch Jordi I interrogate him for the moth's location
>he goes catatonic
>my coworker found the moth so his waste of my time was for nothing


amazing deadchat quotes from the round where me and the moth stopped him

John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "god damn it is a lizard"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "is a lizard is such a fuckin powergamer officer"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "how did is a lizard not die there"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "what the fuck"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "he has a cancer virus and we already killed him once"
John_Pootis/(Jordi Johnson) (DEAD) "or more like an insta kill virus"


Return to General Chat

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: NecromancerAnne, nianjiilical, OnlineGirlfriend, SkeletalElite