Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Kel-the-Oblivious » Fri Jan 10, 2020 1:57 am #534493

>You are the shaft miner!
>Alright, time to strike the earth.
>Digganob around
>Huh, comms are awful quiet
>Oh, hey a fellow miner
>Wait, they don't have a survival suit?
>Hit twice, deploy legion core!
>Small skirmish where they try to rush me, but have to back away due to KA
>Book it off into the ash
>Storm hits, hide in Heirophant arena
>Poke my head into the outpost
>They are camping there, waiting for me to return
>Fellow miner arrives
>Try to explain the situation when suddenly I black out
>Miner bro tries to save me, gets 10mm'd to death
>Wake up just in time to get a DEsword to the face, book it into the ash again
>Comms are dead, can't tell the station
>Start tendril hunting, maybe I can find something to even the odds
>See wounded paramedic
>"Hello?" "AAAH!" They run off into the ash
>Seems I've been framed
>Okay... Hey, golems!
>Drop off satchel, get some supplies, bro it up with golems
>Get some tools, they had a protolathe. Bro golems are full of bro.
>Even NV mesons!
>Kill all my lights, become lurker in the dark.
>Tator is roving with another miner and paramedic, seems they convinced the station I was the bad guy
>Fuck, they saw me!
>Yakkity off into the ash, they are hot on my tail
>Deploy jaunter!
>Wormholed into space outside the bomb test range
>All of them follow me.
>None of them were ready for a space walk, paramedic dies in the void
>Survival stim, GO! Emergency shelter, GO!
>Chilling in my shack, waiting for death to find me
>Random engineer floats by.
>"Please tell me you aren't here to kill me too."
>Nope, just a bro engineer, they haul me back to station.
>Thank the stars for small blessings, head to security to explain the situation.
>Sec sees me, and instantly applies stunbaton
>Confirms I've been framed.
>"If i was a criminal, why would I come to security?!"
>"Good point."
>They check my bag, find assorted miner gear and nothing else.
>Free to go
>There is an imposter miner following me. Wearing the ID of the hero who died to save me.
>Head back to mining, giving the imposter the slip along the way.
>Digganob it up, find some gear.
>Momento Mori, Champion Hardsuit
>Disappear into the ash once again, but now I do not fear the storms.
>Evac shuttle is called, use a jaunter.
>Fuck, stuck in a wall, and that assistant is just laughing at me
>Cutter out, head to shuttle
>Imposter miner is there, and he's following me around.
>Slip into red section of shuttle, imposter follows
>Survival stim, knowing he was going to try to murder me
>Black out again, and see them start to DEsword me
>Sec just mobs them, while I'm down in crit
>Survival stim + Momento Mori = I'm immortal bitch
>Shuttle docks
>THREE traitors were tasked with murdering me, all of them failed
>Didn't kill any of them, but managed to give them the slip the entire round

Manuel is a great server.
The master splicer, the bitch queen of mining, and some crazy ligger peddling you medicinal marijuana.

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Thu Jan 16, 2020 7:36 am #536003

Perhaps some of these events are out of order. order started to lose all meaning during the rising action.
>Manuel Delta Station secguy go go go
>Head of security gives a singular order to the detective that my brain calculates means that me and the HOS will have a poor relationship this round
>I'm right, for the wrong reasons.
>Round goes on and I hear about a friendly wizard
>he gives a resurrection staff out, which I particularly loathe because of the tension it removes
>he decides to spend the round doing chemistry work
>This turns out to be the most destructive choice he could possibly make...

>hear some shit about skeletons at engineering
>perhaps this is the proof I need to persuade the HOS that the wizard is working against us!
>lights are smashed all over
>find the captain's pda, with the CE's id inside?!
>before I think it over, I get jumped by the skeleton of the captain!
>fuck, there's no fixing that. I kill it, taking a nearby shotgun and the pda
>HOS is convinced there's two wizards- I'm not.
>That won't last long.

Rising Action (aka the really long part)
>passing by tech storage, I see a lot of locker staff weldings- magic staves have already started falling into the hands of non wizardss, even though miraculously no magic was summoned, nor events, nor ghosts.
>at least, that's what I figure, since I'm being attacked by two holoparasites at once and between the pellets from the ranged shots I figure that the culprit's in one of those lockers. best off shooting the stand.
>So anyways, I started blasting.
>sawn off riot shotgun's not perfect, but when I run out of ammo I'm still in decent health and the holoparasites have warped away, or die.
>soon as I get my bearings, I learn the correct answer was warped away.
>I don't remember it taking so many pellets to down a holoparasite, and I'm limping away in a maint tunnel by the time I'm down to my last shot, still being peltered.
>it's dead by the time the last shot hits the bloody thing.
>I limp off to find the guy who got that healing staff and come back to find this time, the holoparasite didn't warp away. the remains are lying on the floor.
>I take a scroll, confirm there are two wizards.. and a scrying orb?
>I figure apprentice, but ghosts are less than pleased to see me. one is very worried about me having access to scrying and tells people to shush up. others greatly want me to kill the first wizard. I am not given evidence for their wrongdoings, however, so I must stand by the HOS' order to leave them be.
>I pretend to finish scrying and overhear from the worried ghost that he's thinking about a sentient disease, currently only affecting one person- a doctor.
>I warn the doctor of the issue and we immediately administer plenty of spaceallin so at the worst, the disease will die with him.

>now, everything starts to gel together.

>commotion leads to me learning of a new wizard gearing up in his den. by now, I'm assuming that there's going to be more and more of these, and I'll have to kill them all fast- this includes finding evidence against the first wizard.
>some prick in the bridge, probably the AI, calls the shuttle with the reason being to motivate security to get their shit together.
>As far as I'm concerned, this is a direct insult to me
>use that pda I picked up earlier to recall it. my shit is SO TOGETHER! some engiborg yelps about me not being the CE but I don't give a fuck.
>a wizard attacks the brig!
>by the time I get there the HOS is dead on the floor, but I can't process that while I'm shooting the wizard to death with buckshot.
>Scry around a bit to scan for more wizards in the den, but it seems clear.
>I keep some character while scrying, changing my outlook. I hardly notice the difference between in character and out of it from my experience with the ghosts, and I start to think it's normal to hear them.
>most of the ghosts either ignore me or outright hate me if they aren't urging me to kill the first wizard- from what it sounds like, they're angry with me for killing wizards so mercilessly- what, am I supposed to leave other wizards to die? is there more to this?
>load up on buckshot and take a command headset from my opponent to inform the remaining heads of staff of the situation, including damon, the head of personnel, who I must repeatedly urge to take captaincy
>"Yes, that is THREE wizards. one is still alive, the first on-"
>comms cut out, just in time for me to notice 2 more wizards in the den. I think it's two at once, but one is the apprentice.
>I need to get comms back on ASAP and warn the crew
>grab an inducer from engi, stroll through tcomms just in time... for the ai to fix it anyways
>xray from the scrying orb spots smoke in the captain's office!
>run in to administer buckshot
>I shit my pants each time I point blank him since he's got an obliteration in his hand!
>this wizard's armor shocks me as he keeps surviving when I think each shell should've killed him.
>after one of the shots he finally stops crawling towards me.
>alright, tiime to lea- more smoke!
>this apprentice wastes no time in slinging a fireball, singing me while knocking him unconscious and leaving him to burn to death.
I, uh, guess that means I've killed four wizards?
>I, uh, should probably heal the HOS by now. they've been lying in security for a while now.
>I don't have much time to think about it, as one of the chittering ghosts upon my scrying orb informs me that I shouldn't bother since the HOS is now a wizard
>This is quite shattering even for what I've heard. I should be taken completely aback by hearing this, but it gels with what I know enough already.
>first thing I check? where's the new wizard- hiding in a morgue tray
>chuck a flashbang in, they run out, I shell them a good few times.
>shell break
>Another wizard comes in while I'm talking with the hop! and a space dragon!
>scrying tells me both are near medbay. I announce my intention to deal with the wizard, but that the dragon isn't my area of expertise and I'll have to trust the warden with dealing with it.
>Somewhere around here, I learn that the first wizard has commit suicide, from his ghost. Yet there's also a slimeperson of their name?
>The dragon kills some, but spends most of its time just breaking walls to space. I start to wish killing dragons was my area of expertise.
>wizard's a bit of a joke. I see them with a stand, I see them turn into a corgi, I see their garbage lying in escape, presumably killed by the dragon.
>guess I have to figure out dragon hunting, then.
>I chase it all the way to science, as it seems to have more intent on causing hull breaches than fighting me.
>unload buckshot in meleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

>oh it died.

>heading back to the bridge, that's five wizards I personally killed, one wizard-killing dragon I killed, and one wizard kind of just.. flopping over.
>I scry over and over, but there are no more wizards stopping by the den.
>I resign my skills to other uses, like killing a morph (not before it eats the ore silo since the ai took far too long to open the vault, only for me to remember I have the teleport scroll right after.)
>The AI has conveniently glazed over the human wizards I killed, and has me sorting out an issue it has with a cyborg and a catgirl who was allegedly finishing off dying people and robbing their bodies.
>I essentially blow it off- it's not my problem, this isn't my area, and no ghosts are claiming to have been killed by this cat. shoo.
>that seems like the right choice, in the end. but what else am I to do?
>I sit in the bridge with acting captain damon, scrying to see if there's any way I can make this station more the tops.
>There's a lot I could fix, but I'm not even sure where to start. that locker staff was found by an engineer named Jodie, who has been abusing it and a necromantic stone, as far as I'm concerned. All the stone invites is trouble.
>I scry and I scry and I look back to see myself dying.
>I learn that the roundtype was actually dynamic- an hour and 30 minutes into the round, damon was turned into a traitor and, well, shoots me in the face.

>Damon now has two scrying orbs. he leaves me in his bathroom.
>At this point I might as well give up hope, but I'm terrified of letting my death be so mundane. There must be something!
>he publicly announces his upcoming purge
>attempt to in the most casual way possible bring up that I was made a traitor later as well. I suggest if he has the time to revive me I could join him in the purge.
>the lie goes.. at least better than I expe- wait, why is damon in a locker?
>Jodie, in the most spectacular display of perception I've ever seen, decides that Damon publicly announcing the purge he plans isn't in our best interest.
>Jodie's not sure if it was a joke or not, though they have plenty of time to decide thanks to the locker staff she plucked.
>"Is-a-Lizard, is he bad? move up and down if so"
>this fucking changes everything. fuck it, I don't need to go along with this plan if I can get anyone else to help me.
>sway side to side to signal no so I can keep up the reputation with damon, who she leaves in a locker before I guide her slowly to the bathroom I've been left in.
>the healing staff user is nowhere to be seen- cloning is sluggish and I come out more than slightly brain dead, but alive!

Falling action
>coming out of the cloner, it's clear the station has little time left. shuttle'll be here in five minutes, the asteroid shuttle.
>My mind's all over the place- this is the first time since before I killed my first of five wizards that I haven't been in touch with ghosts- I just barely realise that I don't even know what my plan was when I was a ghost!
>Supermatter's dying because cynic was locked in engineering and spited the entire station by delaminating it, reminding me of a similar situation I saw in the past.
>I don't have time to think about anything any more. my mind has to focus on the welded locker in front of me.
>Damon is welded inside, but the warden is trying to change that!
>I plead with the warden but he completely ignores me, plasma cutting the locker open and running off.
>immediately Damon brandishes a riot shotgun with a barrel far longer than mine could ever compare to. now, I feel and am naked.
>he didn't account for one thing, though. his back is against a wall.
>I shove the gun out of his hands before he gets a chance to use it, and unload twice as many shells as I probably needed to into him.
>I get on most of my pants before jodie comes over, and I have to awkwardly deny that earlier I said Damon Wasn't a serial killer, despite now claiming that he blew my brains out.
>Let's just get out of here. Meteor on delta doesn't have an entrance in the right spot, so I grab a pick and try to dig it out before a scientist does it with a plasmacutter and I feel stupid.

>Me and jodie chat about the situation in our scrying orbs where I can properly explain what happened with me and Damon
>At round end, I look over the wizard's objectives.
>each wizard, beyond the first, has one objective- kill the first wizard.
>well, that explains why the ghosts both wanted the first wizard dead and lamented me stopping the later ones.
>if I had killed the first wizard based off my instinct instead of showing restraint in getting them valids, none of this would've happened.
>whether that means I should've killed the first wizard or not, I still can't decide.

I never went that deep into the scrying orb before, but the interactions were very interesting. I imagine hearing about the HOS becoming a wizard was not entirely dissimilar to a certain situation in pathologic 1, which is 15 years old so that's not a spoiler any more.
help me, I need to remember something and all I have access to is my forum account. Point out that this is in my signature!!!

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Jack7D1 » Thu Jan 16, 2020 2:43 pm #536039

Security was renamed to "Is-a-lizard stole the Chief engineers ID"
Bridge was renamed to fridge
Medbay was renamed to blood zone v2
Etc etc. Jack Miller and Helen were the best assistants ever.

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby nianjiilical » Thu Feb 06, 2020 9:58 pm #540082

>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself
human: ramon chivara
ai: shitpost generator
borg: shite-115
clown: LOUD CLOWN until i think of something better

highly unrobust xenobiology/medbay slut

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby confused rock » Thu Feb 06, 2020 10:01 pm #540084

Lmao, best part is even an asimov ai is allowed to do that because uhhh *opens silicon policy textbook*
help me, I need to remember something and all I have access to is my forum account. Point out that this is in my signature!!!

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby peoplearestrange » Fri Feb 07, 2020 10:39 pm #540601

nianjiilical wrote:>be malf ai
>target is the chemist
>see him next to dispenser
>insert blank smoke recipe as a joke
>"ai if you do that again im going to kill myself"
>do it again
>he kills himself

Reminds me of AlmightyFuzz's story of "traitor AI"
> Gets one humaned by one traitor
> gets ANTI-MOV'd by another.
> Kills original one and only human due to the new laws
> kills self again following the laws
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confused rock wrote:...its like if we made fire extinguishers spawn in emergency boxes and have them heal you when you put out fires rather than them being in wall storages...

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Nabski » Mon Feb 10, 2020 10:02 pm #541471

This story is OLD, back when Okand was an admin before they were headmin, but after detectives were removed from the traitor list. I was reminded of it by the medRP thread.

I spawned as the detective over a lunch break on some map that I never fully learned. I want to say the bar/kitchen was a tall vertical thing with entries off both sides of the main hallway. 20 or so players online. Someone has broken into the vault and I'm casually investigating. It has finger prints I figure out who it was the captain arrests them good job entire security team (aka me). I go to the dining area for some food and on the table there is a PULSE RIFLE. I don't think I had ever actually used a pulse rifle at this point but I had heard of their massive power. Being the massive member of shitsec that I am, I scan it for prints and not finding any put it in an evidence bag. I walk around with the evidence bag and ask EVERY SINGLE CREW MEMBER if they know anything about it.

No-one does.

I don't remember if I ahelped or just prayed about it. While waiting for the answer to "what's up with this gun" I decided to at last fire it since my lunch break was ending. It exploded and removed my arm.

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby wesoda25 » Tue Mar 17, 2020 11:32 pm #550080

This amazing story has inspired me to use a duffelbag from now on, God bless our duffelbagers
ignore everything i say for the next month

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Fikou » Sat Mar 21, 2020 12:57 pm #550674

>be me
>go on lavaland to mine
>nevermind need to take a shit
>afk in a crate
>come back, hear bubblegum eating miner
>take miners shit, take his head to resurrect him
>go back to arrivals with the mining ship
>oh shit a wizard
>he chops my hand off with a spellblade and magic missiles but i run away
>go into robotics, put the miners brain in a debrained body, no soul, also get hand back
>hunting of the wizard follows, not much happens
>wiz is in cargo, revives a guy into a roman skeleton
>he uses magic missile, stuns everyone in the room, including that skeleton with a claymore
>go in the room, grab the claymore off the ground and chop the skeleton's head off while he's stunned
>wiz blinks into vault, wait in vault maint for the perfect moment
>he blinks into vault maint
>chop his head off with a claymore, end the round
>grab the spellblade

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Kel-the-Oblivious » Sat Mar 21, 2020 4:37 pm #550692

>Late join Manuel as security officer
>Wander around, checking stuff out
>Hear the chaplain talk about holding a sermon
>"Meh, alright, lets see what gimmick they have."
>It's a cult of Ronald McDonald
>Alright then.
>"I must go get burgers for sacrament!"
>"Alright, you head off, I'm going to try this whole prayer thing"
>Pray to admins for them to deliver unto me a super sized number one, extra sauce, with a Dr Gibb, no ice.
>"You hear a whisper in your head" Are you lovin' it?
>And so began my life as the cultist security officer of the Church of Ronald.
>Ronald granted me minor thickness, but it was Reads-the-Book that was TRULY blessed
>His thickness was so great that he would cause space time to warp if he spun.
>Together, the three of us, Immo, Ann, and Reads set out on a quest to gather together the holy trinity. Nuggies, Burgers, and Large Fries
>In the end, the Golden Arches sat within the chapel, every tile covered in one of the three thickening sacraments
>A ghost of the King tried to disrupt it, but was chased off every time.

Behold the THICKENING of Reads-the-Books
The master splicer, the bitch queen of mining, and some crazy ligger peddling you medicinal marijuana.

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby NikoTheGuyDude » Mon Mar 23, 2020 11:17 pm #550993

>be me, clown Unfunny Lizard on manuel

> do le funny clown stuff for the beginning of the shift, give a clown a hat of the honkmother, slip sec, say bad puns over the radio, throw a pie at someone

> cap says hes going in his salt room for protection against the revenant

> "From your tears? Cause you cry so much since noone loves you"?

> "yes"

>"Captain, I WANT YOUR SALT"



> basically borderline sexual harassment

>pie a catgirl who is shoving me, said catgirl responds by critting me

>get arrested by sec

>taken to med for 5 lobotomies

this is where it gets intresting

>escape their grasp and slip them 10 times each and cause the sec to stun the doc twice before being subdued and lobotomized 5 times

>somehow avoid brain traumae except for psychotic brawling and a fucking IMAGINARY FRIEND

>nothing of note for a while, a few slips

>in brig

>get threatened with perma

>get brigged instead

>both a fucking revenant and nightmare try to kill me (rev had obj to make my life hell, i suppose for the borderline rape)


>i ask friendo how they can noclip through walls

>"a gift from my lord, L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer."

>how can i get this power myself?

>well, it requires you to have me summoned on the physical plane.


>go to chapel

>turn off lights

>make runes

>make candles

>get a body from morgue

>cmo comes along with a circular saw and helps with the ritual, but is speculative

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer FUCKING SPEAKS TO US and demands a dead black slime


>friend goes to sleep for a bit and i go get the slime, science is cooperative for once

>biggest fucking mistake ever in the entire existence of reality itself


>go back to chapel

>L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer speaks, says it will be done, they will have a physical form

>friendo wakes up 5 min later

>they die and are reborn atop the gibbed corpse, AS A PURPLE XENO WHO KNOWS FUCKIN REPTILLIAN (am lizard so i understand)

>sacrifice another body

>friend gains the ability to convert simplemobs to the cult

>we convert ian, poly, runtime, a cockroach, a clown from a clownstorm event, etc.

>not in chronological order

>eventually RD sees us and demands for BOTH of our executions

>i pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer and ask for protection

>i get a weakened cult stun


>detective shows up and tries to coax me into death

>i say no

>they kill me


>i salt a bit in dchat about validhunters

>friend almost kills det




>midnight rose said they didnt expect lethals quite so soon

>i get revived

>rev tries to tell me to kill warden, i ignore them


>me and friend, me with cap headset now, go fuck aroudn for a while

>i get AA somehow

>we go to xenobio for some reason

>this after a clown portal storm HONK

>clowns are around







>eventually we break out

>people screamed about singuloose for a while now, i didnt care





>pray to L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer for salvation



>CENTCOM ANNOUNCEMENT COMES: SINGULO HAS BEEN FUCKING HIJACKED BY L'ajssshhsssgagywjksssbhhhcgsssjhhhuesssyuydhhgrhehghajdjwyu the Devourer!!!!



>never see friend again, they jumped into singulo

>i mourn

>ask why i was betrayed

>realize i was exploited as a conduit for the devouring of our reality

>i ask why they did it in prayers

>"To devour."

>i grow sad

>take my gold horn




>singulo is now narsie

>its deadchat controlled

>d e v o u r

>i ask the honkmother for forgiveness



this round was fucking insane oh my god. all because of a little lobotomy and admemery, all of reality is gone

this round just happened btw

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Re: Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

Postby Jack7D1 » Tue Mar 24, 2020 12:22 am #551005

Very good round lots of bones


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