The Hammershield Chronicles: ReDorfed

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 3:41 am #80804

Bottom post of the previous page:

I was gonna say Masterwork it. Low FPS is a terrible thing for anyone to deal with.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 4:26 am #80811

FPS is tolerable for now. The new plan is to just let it run the day to day of the fortress i nthe background while i do other stuff and periodically check food and booze stocks. Anything important will force pause

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 4:59 am #80819

A trader mood created a wooden toy boat covered in gems and spikes, and a picture of catapult parts on it. Not a catapult itself, just some disassembled parts. It gets tossed onto our steadily growing pile of useless artifacts. This place started as a battle fortress, but we seem to have become a major population center and player in the Dwarven economy

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 5:20 am #80821

Caravan comes by again. Despite Azari's protests the damn liason says the mountainhomes are still not willing to make us a barony or county despite us being the largest settlement in the Whips of Combating. Bastards. Might be because we have no paved roads, i remember that used to be a requirement. Azari orders nice new steel roads to be paved to our gate

Post by **lumipharon** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 6:05 am #80828

Wyzack wrote:A trader mood created a wooden toy boat covered in gems and spikes, and a picture of catapult parts on it. Not a catapult itself, just some disassembled parts. It gets tossed onto our steadily growing pile of useless artifacts. This place started as a battle fortress, but we seem to have become a major population center and player in the Dwarven economy

It helps when all the other strongholds have been overrun.

Give it some time, soon all the old forts will be gone, and we will become the new capital of a renewed dwarven empire.

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 7:54 am #80841

>steel roads

EndgamerAzari · Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:11 pm

STEEEEEL ROOOOOADS

In addition to being the stupidestly dwarfy thing ever, that sounds like it could be the title of a cover band or a private detective.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 2:57 pm #80893

Axecarnage, as well as being a massive fuck you to the local goblin populace, has gained a reputation as the center for culinary excellence in the world. The current queen dines exclusively on the mastercrafted offerings from our fine fortress. Dwarves worldwide speak in hushed reverence of master cooks that can make five servings of finely minced plump helmet into an otherworldly flavor experience. The traders handle our barrels with care, and in exchange give us piles and piles of the finest ingredients from across the Whips of Combating. Our chefs in the culinary dungeon pick agonizingly through them to make daring new combinations, such as goat cheese, plump helmets, plump helmets, plump helmets and plump helmets. Truly we are world leaders.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 3:22 pm #80896

You gotta love plump helmets.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 3:53 pm #80906

It seems that all the death is starting to take its toll on a few dwarves

http://imgur.com/xgNkrqZ

About 6 or 7 dwarves are now pinging big red down arrows due to the horror of all the bodies piling up behind the back gate. It seems in the newest release you get a bad though from "Seeing X Die" the first time you see any corpse. So even though that elf skeleton has been lying there for 5 years, if it is the first time you see it you get a bad thought as if you watched Urist tear his head and spine out right in front of you. Not sure if its a bug or not

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 8:39 pm #80962

.... Can you still get tantrum spirals?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 9:54 pm #80973

Yes indeed you can. Not sure how else i can mitigate this, everyone has masterwork meals and rooms, and no one is really overworked. No one is in miserable yet though so we are safe for now. As a precaution Tedward drafts a bunch of recruits to the fortress guard

Post by **lumipharon** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 10:34 pm #80980

Can't you destroy the bodies or something?

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:04 pm #80987

Sounds like it's time for a glorious magma chute straight down into the underworld.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:06 pm #80988

It seems like one of our brave dorfs has snapped, showing a new type of insanity i have never seen before

http://imgur.com/uMVfQvZ

They are apparently oblivious to reality. I assume it is like melancholy, where they will kinda stumble around until they dehydrate, but i guess we will see

EDIT: It seems to be temporary. I have disabled all her labours, hopefully she will recover mentally

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:38 pm #80991

A werebison has showed up

http://imgur.com/9SpqonX

This could be fun

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:44 pm #80995

Bitch nigga was absolutely no match for the Furious Mechanisms

http://imgur.com/Up1gJ0r

Kystal Symers earned the title of "The Bold Scorn of Growling for landing the killing blow. The beast mauled one random dwarf to death outside but did not land a single hit on anyone else due to the plus sized asswhooping our resident axelords delivered.

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Tue Apr 07, 2015 11:47 pm #80996

TOLD YOU THAT NAME SOUNDS TOO HARDCORE.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 2:01 pm #81096

honestly i do not give a shit if a few dorfs crack. We are weeding out those without the mettle to function in a battle fortress. At the very least it will give Tedward and his new squad of justice something to do.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 2:53 pm #81101

First tantrum has happened. Fucking Ingish snapped

http://imgur.com/Cgbm6ox

The ruined lungs crew is now sitting at 3. We will see what sort of punishment Tedward sees fit. He has officially been convicted of three counts of disorderly conduct.

tedward1337 · Post by **tedward1337** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 4:58 pm #81114

k e k
bring the hammer down son

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:34 pm #81119

Tedward sentences Ingish to 51 days in the gulag for beating the shit out of three helpless dwarves. At his gesture Ingish is seized by a militiadwarf and escorted to a featureless rock room with an iron chain in the middle. She is shackled in and left to serve her sentence down there. Her face is gaunt, massive bags under her eyes and a mild look of shellshock combined with animal rage. She screams and rattles the solid iron manacles binding her in place, and the guard slams the door shut with a look of pity and disgust. Maybe some prison time will chill her out.

Give her a bed to sleep on, y/n?

EndgamerAzari · Wed Apr 08, 2015 5:37 pm

Yes. We must be stern but not unreasonable.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 7:03 pm #81127

With Tedward's permission Azari has a bed hauled down to the cell. Ingish still looks like shit but she seems to have calmed down slightly. Her sanity seems stretched thin

EndgamerAzari · Wed Apr 08, 2015 7:08 pm

Slightly derivative but on the subject of DF, apparently dangerous giant carp are a real thing.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 9:26 pm #81134

Apparently Urist McSpacedorf really loves his shield

http://imgur.com/Imm6k6M

The name translates to the "Dusk of Entangling" or some nonesense. Didn't know that was a pauseworthy announcement but oh well

Another fucking elf caravan. This one brings some nice animals, bears and giant dingos. The newest militia squad is sent in to massacre the fuckers, as is quickly becoming an Axecarnage tradition

Malkevin · Post by **Malkevin** » Wed Apr 08, 2015 10:20 pm #81144

Didn't know dorfs could name shields, guess they class as weapons for something.

By the way, is the rest of my equipment masterwork?
That shields looks to be a plain bog standard shield (although that doesn't matter until my dorf decides to face bash people with it.), unless the announcement just strips the quality marks off it.

The name comes from the fact that if you're a dirt eating hippy and you tangle with me, you're going to see dusk.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:16 pm #89624

Wyzack gestures at the thread

The thread shutters and begins to move!

Thats right bitches! Your favourite bunch of degenerate alcoholic elf murderers are back in full force. Axecarnage endures

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:23 pm #89627

Let us recap, shall we? We murderise a tiny little goblin siege, very underwhelming. Also a handful of dwarves are starting to go insane due to the piled of bodies we have lying around spooking the shit out of them.

Azari is the taskmaster, managing work orders and day to day duties.

Urist McSpaceDorf is the commander in chief of our might military, and once kicked an elf's hand into paste for fun

Tedward is the leader of the fortress guard, and is accompanied by his faithful death jaguar

Balut is our clueless CMO who got the job by pure luck

Dongers is our ugly, crude master mason who has one lung permanantly damaged and passes out all the time

Krystal Symers is an axemaster in our military

Eponymous Rex is our psychotic mechanic who lost a hand in a fist fight with an alligator and now sports a shiney hook

Drynwyn is our seige commander

And those are the named folks. Lets see what happens!

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:26 pm #89628

Here is the main entrance to our glorious home. Most dorfs spend the majority of their time underground, so there is puke all over the place

http://i.imgur.com/1Cx7Hli.png

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:27 pm #89629

DEDWARFENIZE YOURSELF AND FACE TO BLOODSHED.

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:34 pm #89630

I am kinda just going to let the fort run until something cool happens. As a side note, the old version of Masterwork has a mode where you play as a small cabal of Warlocks, create horrible spells and raise armies of skeletons to do your bidding. Would anyone be interested in me running that after Axecarnage inevitably dies?

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:46 pm #89631

The Ghost of a dead mason rises from the grave to haunt us. Not sure exactly how the bastard died, but Dongers gets to work engraving a slab

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 8:54 pm #89632

Some migrants arrive, boosting our population to 146. Since no one can remember why were were locked down in the first place, the gates are open for the dwarves to frolick in the bones outside

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 9:23 pm #89639

Here come the FUN

http://i.imgur.com/6W6HgGN.png

Lets see how this goes

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 9:39 pm #89641

The militia dogpiles on the beast while it is busy eating the mason's head. It is culminated by Urist running in at the last second and cutting one of its lungs out before it bled to death.

As the creature dies, the soliders retreat back in to the fortress. Avuz the mason lays outside the gate, his head ripped open and gushing blood, pitifully crying for help. The soliders just walk back inside and the gate slams shut beside them. It is grim work, but he most certainly carries the infection now, and we cannot risk bringing him in to the hospital. Hopefully he bleeds out before the next full moon

Wyzack · Post by **Wyzack** » Wed May 20, 2015 9:44 pm #89642

Ingish, the first dwarf to crack under pressure was just released from prison after her last tantrum wherin she smashed a guy's lung apart. Guess what she did as soon as she got out? You guessed it. Got in another fist fight. If she does not go berserk soon we will need to toss her in to the laberynth

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Thu May 21, 2015 5:45 pm #89776

INTO THE PIT WITH HER.

Balut · Post by **Balut** » Fri May 22, 2015 8:39 pm #89970

What? Give me that weredwarflizard. We can pit him too!

Also the fist-fighters. I want them too.

I NEED THE PRACTICE.