A Malfunctioning Charles Schofield

[AssassinT90]

This is a story of a round that I actually played. I have made pretty much zero changes to the events here described. I mostly left uninteresting stuff out of the story. And here are the logs for that round, so you guys can check them yourselves.

I hope you enjoy it.

---

It had started as always. Some old faces, many unfamiliar faces. That's how being a Head of Security in that deathtrap was like. You didn't know anyone but a couple people. He watched his officers.

"Zune Miller, Ronald Jerome, Duke Crabtree," he thought to himself. All his officers. All familiar names. Still, he didn't know any one of them well enough.

"RD," said a familiar voice on the command radio channel.
"CE," said someone else.
"CMO here," said another unfamiliar voice.
"HOS DIDN'T REPORT IN!" screamed the familiar voice. It was Mekhi Anderson.
Charles Schofield finally felt an urge to report in. "HoS," he said.
Another familiar voice replied: "Oh god, it's Charles..." He remembered that one well. It was the Captain. He probably wouldn't forget him any time soon.
"May I implant you, Dmitri?" Charles couldn't resist the joke. Even if Dmitri was the Captain today.
"Charles. Just to let you know, you took my job. Thank you." Mekhi sounded slightly annoyed.
"Mekhi, you're always welcome at sec." It was true.

Charles liked Mekhi. He was robust. He knew his shit. He didn't pretend to be someone he wasn't. But, most important, he gave Charles space to work. Charles likes having space to work. Full acess, a handheld crew monitor, a taser gun, and a pair of handcuffs. Perhaps an energy gun. That's all Charles wants. Perhaps having his Job changed to "Admiral," too. No. That was the Old Charles. The New Charles was there to serve and protect. Remember. Serve and protect. You're a leader now, Charles. You are not a lone wolf. When the winter comes, the lone wolf dies, but the pack survives.

"I want to warn that any attempts to go beyond the Space Law will be strongly suppressed. Freedom of speech. Freedom of conscience. Freedom of mass media. Property rights. These basic principles of the civilized society will be safe under the protection of the security force."
"No one is above the law. My security officers, my warden, the Heads of Staff, myself, the Head of Security, or even the Captain: all these people can and will be arrested for breaking the law. We are here to serve and protect you."

That was getting old. He always started the shift with that announcement. He also always grabbed two flashbangs, three pairs of handcuffs, and one teargas grenade. He liked that setup.

He once would rush for a toolbelt and insulated gloves. But that was the Old Charles. That was the Charles that patrolled maintenance with a security hardsuit helmet. That was the Charles that wouldn't let himself get bolted down by a rogue AI. That was the Charles that won all the time. Things had changed. Or so had thought Charles.

"I take security complaints VERY seriously. If a sec officer does something to you that you don't like, PDA me. I am Charles Schofield."

That was his last programmed announcement for the shift. He was trying to end shitcurity. It was not easy. Most security officers never read the Space Law and could hardly brig a prisoner properly. They also never updated security records. It would be tough to shape those guys into decent, top-level security. But Charles liked a challenge.

He went to armory. Not to grab two energy guns, like the Old Charles would. But to explain some things to the Warden. The Warden seemed alright, Charles thought. He didn't think much about the warden, because the Captain showed up and threw the pinpointer on the Warden's Office's floor. Charles told the Warden to keep it. He wondered whether the Warden would survive in case syndicate operatives rushed armory. "Probably not." But he was not here to win. Not anymore.

"Officer Hats Off has thrown a flashbang and sprayed in middle of the crowd at the HoP's office queue," said someone.
"Dispersing a violent gathering, sir." The officer's voice sounded confident. Like he was absolutely sure that he was doing the right thing.
"Violent? You sure you wanna do it by yourself?" Charles had seen it happen before. People start pushing themselves at HoP's line. A security officer fires his taser gun. A riot starts.
"I need more pepper spray, by the way. I sprayed that girl in the eyes like five times, I'm dry. As far as I can tell they're still rioting, though."
Charles honestly wondered whether the officer was mentally challenged.

---

"HoS, permission to put Kahn in the isolation ward?" There we go, Charles thought.
"Reason?"
"He seems to be intent on killing himself." It was time to get to permabrig.
"I KILLED IAN! I ENJOYED IT!" That was Khan, the prisoner. Now he knew why Khan was being sent to perma.

"We're not permaing him for a fucking dog," said Charles. "Don't quote me on that." He knew how much the crew obsessed over that corgi.
"Sir, the Captain himself gave the order." Ah. Of course...
"Captain, I am not permaing a man for killing a dog," Charles said over the radio.
"Listen thats a capital offense... you can ask your imaginary friend," the Captain replied.
"Perma thee fuck out of him, he had access to my door too," complemented the HoP.
Charles ignored the captain. Sometimes, that was the right thing to do. He decided to actually listen to the accused. He took Khan to the courtroom.

"I need a lawyer!" screamed Khan over the common radio channel.
"No. You don't. Let's talk. What happened?"
"Well, I told the HOP to suck my ass - she told me to get my ass on the table, I did."
"Hah."
"She then flashed me, lasered me once, so I killed her dog in retaliation."
"Did you have access to her office?"
"No. The AI let me in."
Charles took out Khan's handcuffs. "Behave," he said. And he let Khan go. A couple months ago, Charles would have permaed Khan. But that was Old Charles.

---

"Can you set Derek Westbrook to arrest and get him demoted? He's being shity." That was the CE. Bones McGee.
"How so?"
"Barricading himself in maint with vending machines, attacking engineers if they follow him after he's acted so suspicious. Not doing work or his job."
"Alright. I will get him demoted.
"My thanks."

And he did. The engineer had complained, but the CE had ordered it. It was his department, and the Captain had CE's back. Charles didn't like it. He didn't know enough about the engineer to know if they deserved it or not. But orders are orders. He stuffed the engineer's gear into a locker in Bridge and set the engineer free.
"Sorry, mate. I don't know whether you deserve that or not," Charles said to Derek as handcuffs were removed.

---

Message from Olorin McKellen (Shaft Miner), "Hacked APC in AI Sat"
There was Old Charles, screaming. That PDA message. One single PDA message brought him back. Charles thought he had gotten rid of Old Charles. But old habits die hard, and Old Charles knew there was a pair of insulated gloves in the Bridge. He took them. He went to armory. He needed a hardsuit. He also took the the ion rifle. Nothing else mattered. Old Charles had this. And he was going to fuck that AI up.

What Old Charles didn't expect was that the Warden would be in the Armory too.
"ORDERS?" The Warden was in panic.
That froze Old Charles still. New Charles was fighting to regain control.
"GRAB GUNS," was what Charles said. It was the obvious thing to do. AI's malf. Sec grabs guns. But Charles couldn't say anything else. He hadn't thought about his security team. He only thought about how he would kill the AI.
"AND GO THROUGH ENGINEERING." He didn't know what else to say. Old Charles still held control.

On their way to engineering, he found Duke Crabtree flashing a cyborg. The Engineering Cyborg was quickly overrun and put to sleep.

While he passed by teleporter, he had a magnificent idea. He would unbolt the teleporter room with the tools he had. He would teleport into the AI satellite. He would save the day. That was Old Charles. He threw the Ion Rifle to an officer and left his security team by themselves on their way to engineering.

It took some minutes, but Charles finally broke into the teleporter room. He didn't expect it to be deconstructed. He was annoyed, but only mildly. They still had time. He'd go through engineering.

Everything was open all the way to the satellite.

---

Charles thought. The crew still had three minutes as the last turret fell. The AI was killed. But it had shunted. Charles expected that, and he knew that the warden had the pinpointer. The warden was right there, and he dropped the pinpointer after his HoS ordered it. Old Charles would find that AI. He would wreck that AI.

The AI was in the gravity generator. Charles didn't call it on intercoms. Partly because he couldn't find one - he searched for it - but mostly because it was Old Charles pulling the strings. Old Charles had this. He knew it. He was deconstructing a wall as the first borg showed up. It was an Engineering Cyborg. He dropped some tools when he was stunned.

Old Charles could have been a selfish, power-gaming asshole, but he was robust. He had pulled and primed a flashbang before the borg stunned him with its charged arm. The engiborg died quickly, but then the security borg showed up. Charles was still on the floor as the Warden was hit by a taser shot. The Warden fell above Charles, and that was probably what saved the HoS, for the sec borg grabbed the Warden instead of him. It took the Warden away with its stun baton drawn. Charles knew what was going to happen to the Warden. He also didn't have the Ion Rifle, but that didn't stop Charles from trying to save the Warden. Old Charles was a power-gamer, but he didn't abandon an officer. Especially if the saving of said officer involved killing an antag; he followed them until it was clear that there was no Warden left to be saved. The borg had gotten the Warden, and Charles was a vengeful person. He went to armory: he knew he needed flashbangs. He got three of them, as well as a flash. He also got more energy guns, and then he went back to the gravity generator.

The borg was there. It had killed the three civilians who were trying to reach the AI. It saw Charles. Old Charles saw it. He primed the flashbang. The cyborg fired, but Old Charles was robust. He could dodge, and he dodged. He threw the flashbang. He pulled the energy gun. The cyborg died.

Old Charles had 20 seconds to finish deconstructing the APC. It didn't have a battery - the civilians went halfway through it before the sec borg showed up again. Charles knew he had to remove the wires. But he had dropped his wirecutters when the engineering cyborg stunned him. He removed a toolbelt from a nearby body. No wirecutters. He cursed silently and went to the place where he had been stunned by the engie borg. He picked his wirecutters back up and rushed towards the APC. He hit the terminal with the wirecutters, and the AI took over.

---

After that shift, Charles thought about what had happened. He concluded that they had failed because he had failed. He failed his security team by abandoning them. He should have left the hacking of doors to engineers and kept his Ion Rifle. He should have kept borgs at bay. Had he done that, the borgs wouldn't have killed everyone trying to get to the malf AI's APC.

There is Old Charles, all around him. It’s that thing that shows up when Charles wants to do everything by himself and save the day. Old Charles is a great antagonist hunter. He's an incredible survivor. Old Charles is the most robust person Charles ever saw. But Old Charles is a beast, and that's all he is. A beast. Useful, but still a beast. Charles could hold it on a chain, and make it dance, and juggle balls. Old Charles doesn’t think. It is dumb. What Charles is, what Charles is, is not a beast.

Charles wanted to hunt antagonists. He wanted it so much that he trembled at the thought of not being able to. But if the price of that was selling good men to the night, if the price was filling those morgue trays, if the price was not saving that one extra life… Then it was too high.

[Pybro]

10/10 story. Blends IC and OOC well.

And I was the secborg that got dunked, so yeah.

[Whoisthere]

I hope you enjoy it.

I certainly did, the story felt like a Discworld short story about Vimes, but in SS13, dealing with SS13 issues.

[Bluespace]

new charles sounds like a swell guy.

[Septavius]

old charles was a faggot.

[Saintish]

am Kahn
can confirm
10/10 HOS

[iteq]

Sure this autistic and all but it actually gives a good look into the mind of people who consistently play HoS and honestly changed my opinion about you.