Ban/note type (Check what applies):
(X) - Server Ban
() - Note
(X) - Forum Ban
(X) - Discord Ban
Ban/note length: Permanent, and originally a blacklist
Ban/note reason: Joked about doxing an administrator and posted their social media account in another discord. This is not acceptable and per Rule 7, Doxing and SWATING: Doing it, encouraging it, or joking about it will lead to a permanent in-game, Discord, and forum ban.
Time ban was placed: 2021-05-27 02:04:22
Server you were playing on when banned: N/A
Round ID in which ban was placed: 162986
Why are you making this appeal?(Check what applies):
() - The ban/note is factually incorrect
() - The ban/note is not against the rules
() - The ban/note needs modification
() - The ban was unjustifiably harsh
(X) - I was permabanned and I want another chance
Why should this appeal be accepted?:
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I'd like to preface with the statement that I'm no longer blacklisted and am hoping to appeal my permanent in-game, forum, and discord ban. I'd like to rejoin the community and be given a shot to redeem myself, proving that I've grown emotionally and am no longer the same person. While I haven't been active as an ss13 player in a long time, I'd like the opportunity to come back occasionally and have some fun. I'd also like to make the occasional tgstation video on youtube. Mainly though, I want to mend this burnt bridge and make amends for the things I've done.
Years ago, space station 13 was my life. I had over three thousand hours on TG alone - and being a station-wide threat was my proudest achievement. Getting to make videos about it, and having people loving the content I was putting out? That only made it worse. I was obsessed with the game. Well actually, I was obsessed with the idea of being an antag and taking out my problems on other people. At the time I was mentally and physically in an awful place. Mounting health issues, a fucked up mental state, and a game that acted as the perfect distraction, allowing me to escape my problems for hours at a time. As soon as I was an antag I forgot about everything else. Sure there's some other reasons why I played the way I did. I did genuinely enjoy the combat in this game. But I love other games too - I don't play them for thousands of hours though.
So yeah, wasn't doing great. Wasn't dealing with my issues. Was playing ss13 for all the wrong reasons.
Now it's been 3 years. A lot has changed for me since then. I'm married. I'm working in a fantastic (albeit time intensive) career. I'm in therapy, and have been for some time. For a while there I even ran my own SS13 server (Wish I had time to keep hosting it, thank you to everyone who played). I'm also actively involved in different hobbies and self-improvement goals. Not to say I'm perfect - trust me I still fuck up all the time. Those who are close to me know this best. But I can confidently say I recognize my mistakes and learn from them. I'm on a path to success, and am trying my damn hardest to be a better person.
Despite my progression, what happened with tgstation lives rent-fucking-free in my head. I think back on what I did and all I can do is cringe. I burned a bridge that I spent thousands of hours walking, shunned by a community - MY community - that had become my home for years. The whole thing was incredibly embarrassing. The more prominent thought that comes to mind however is how I treated others. Not just during what caused this ban, but the whole time. I was such a dick. I looked back through my old forum posts and I actually argued that murderboning is healthy for the server. Lol. Lmao. Thanks for the data proving otherwise, Mothblocks.
However, there was definitely one thing I did, one person I hurt, that was a much higher severity than all the others. Hurting the playerbase with my playstyle was one thing, I'd like to even say it was what I thought I needed at the time. But what I did to Vekter, and how I acted in DMs afterwards, was pure malicious toxicity. There was no excuse for my behavior.
Let's recap:
(talking about vekter, read from bottom up)
(after I got caught)
In short, I doxxed Vekter, victim blamed him for it, called him shitty things, and then had a spazz attack at another admin in DMs when they shared my behavior to the rest of the tg staff. Clear as day, I was being a piece of shit. A real asshole. I can't remember how I was feeling at time, so I won't try to speak to that. I can however say this isn't me anymore. I think this is atrocious behavior and definitely speaks to where I was at that time. All of this over what?? I'm astounded at how much toxicity I've got over someone who was just an admin in a game I played.
Vekter, I'm genuinely sorry for what happened. You didn't deserve to be treated like that. Any decent person wouldn't have spoken about you behind your back like that. You're a person giving up your time to a video game community for FREE. I didn't even remotely consider the person behind the screen and took my in-game opinion of you and attacked the person behind the screen. I hope that I get another chance to treat you better, you deserve it. (Just to add to this, I get on him for having his profile as his in game name, but I literally did the same thing. I even had to delete my social media account as well. I wasn't operating with any semblance of a good intention)
So that's pretty much it.
For the community (The slim few who even remember me), I hope there's still a spot for me in there. I won't be around as much, and I won't be the same kind of player. I sure as shit won't be as much of a threat. I'm an old man now. I just want to make some stories, laugh with you all, spend some time with old friends, and make new ones. Really though, I just want to be able to move past my mistakes, finally make amends, and look towards the future.
Thanks for reading
- Jackrip (Korol Konets)
