Honestly the more I think about this entire situation the more disappointed and uncomfortable I feel about the current landscape, to the point that I understand why people hate Manuel generally. It's not the players, it's the inconsistency of the admins and how it really just feels like an antags playground. If you're an antag you have freedom to do whatever and be as much as an asshole you'd like and it's all just an "IC issue". Yet we still wonder why people roll exclusively for antag and kill themselves/go afk when not an antag. Because if you're not an antag, you exist only to be fodder for the antags or admin "events".
It does not inspire confidence when the very first post on this thread is;
Sightld2 wrote: ↑Fri Jan 05, 2024 4:06 am
My honest, live reaction
[2597-13-56 00:53:18.008] GAME-INCOMPAT: ADMINPRIVATE: ASAY: sightid2/(Terrabyte) "he used a shotgun, we finally got him."
Regardless if it was posted as a joke or not.
It feels like playing security is just bait for getting notes and bans, if you do anything but just lay down and die you're going to be scrutinized and possibly bwoinked. One round as a secoff there was another player who was getting sacked for having a fuck tonne of contraband and harassing some other player that tipped us off about them. This person was pretty upset and I tried to lighten the situation; the fortnite chug jug song was playing and so I decided to play some boomer who doesn't know how to get in with the kids of today and talk about fortnite. I didn't get a note but I got a lengthy bwoink over a silly joke I made to try and lighten the situation. At least the people who were watching me were amused by it, even though it essentially took me out of the round and made me feel shitty for attempting to be silly. People often refer to "old terran media" all the time so I figured there wasn't an issue if I made a silly joke like that. I rarely ever play secoff, but that whole thing made me uncomfortable to really try again.
At the same time a while ago I (as a moth person) got to be promoted to acting Captain because there were no heads of staff, and the AI and two other players were fully okay with me being a captain. I just wanted to run around and give silly medals to people. It was a birdshot round on lowpop, so usually it's pretty slow. There was some conflict that happened that round - and i promoted someone to a HoP that I shouldn't have, but I didn't really want to say "no" when they asked. An admin who was on at the time decided to spawn themselves in as a Centcom official and extend the round to three hours just so they can force me and the other heads of staff involved in the conflict to stay stuck in a conference room and get lectured quite heavily. Even shooting the person who I promoted to HoP just because he didn't "shut up" like he was told to.
I'm going to be honest - as shameful as it is, I had a legitimate panic attack during this "event". I thought I must be too sensitive, that I must've encouraged this type of interaction towards me because I dared to try and be a captain as a moth person. But honestly the whole situation brought forth memories where I was discriminated against in real life and forced to sit down and get insulted and lectured about how I really fucked up - even if I was just trying my best. I had legitimate nightmares after this round, which also makes me feel shame, because I must really be too sensitive to play this goddamn game.
I
had a lot of faith in the admin team, but now, I'm not really so sure.