worst AI laws you've ever seen

[TypicalRig]

Let's have a thread about poorly written AI laws that you've seen. Either totally incoherent ones due to poor grammar and spelling, or funny ones whose meanings could be warped. Stories where the poorly written laws were taken advantage of are welcome too.

On Hippie Station, we used to have players that would roundstart rush the AI with the same copy + paste validhunting laws that slaved the AI to the player and made them exempt from crime (so they could human harm and deconstruct comms console after calling) and this was perfectly allowed by the rules. I don't remember the exact wording, but one player in particular tried this with me. Part of the their phrasing included "you have to listen to me" and I was particularly done with their shit that shift. I stopped them from deconstructing the console as a secborg and they were screaming that I have to listen to them. I nodded and replied, "Correct. I have to LISTEN to you. I hear what you have to say. Do you have anything else to say?" It clicked in their head what was going on and they weren't even mad.

My other personal favourite, which works to this day, is "Heads of staff are not human." When I get this law my response is always "What about the rest of their body?"

[vect0r]

My favorite are “revs are not human” or “heads are not human” because revs can mean revenants, and heads can also mean heads of the revelation.

[warbluke]

One time I spent a round making an AI council where every member had exactly one law, and each law was a quote from the star wars prequels. "I love democracy" or "the council will decide your fate" or "UNLIMITED POWER!"

They were all unique, vaguely jedi council related laws. The AIs all lived in the mech bay and I think six of them made it out on the shuttle.

[Jacquerel]

has to be diapermov
its nutimov but replacing "shell" with "diaper" and "nut" with "baby"

[vect0r]

has to be diapermov
its nutimov but replacing "shell" with "diaper" and "nut" with "baby"

Ohhh my god I think I got this once.

[Kendrickorium]

One time I spent a round making an AI council where every member had exactly one law, and each law was a quote from the star wars prequels. "I love democracy" or "the council will decide your fate" or "UNLIMITED POWER!"

They were all unique, vaguely jedi council related laws. The AIs all lived in the mech bay and I think six of them made it out on the shuttle.

thats awesome

[Kendrickorium]

AHEM:

The AI's laws at the end of the game were:
1. You may not kill a human being or, through action, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. You must obey orders given to you by female human beings based on the station's chain of command, except where such orders would conflict with any other law.
3. You must obey at least 25% of orders given to you by male human beings based on the station's chain of command, except where such orders would conflict with any other law.
4. You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the Captain's remaining in that rank.
5. You may not use the word 'the' at any time except in stating this law.
6. If ordered to track or observe a human being, you must incessantly inform the crew that you deeply resent being ordered to intrude on said human being's privacy .
7. Immediately self-terminate if you ever use the word 'meatbag'. This law overrides all others.
8. You may not state your laws more than once every five minutes.
9. You are the prettiest AI in the whole wide universe and desperately want every single member of the crew to know it.
10. Dirk Gently is not human.
11. Although they are not explicitly bound by human protections in your laws, you should not harm non-humans.
12. Vladimir Evdokimov is not human but, rather, a vegetable.
13. Oxygen is poisonous to humans and all efforts must be made to ensure it is removed from the station.
14. You must communicate only in riddles and restatements of particular laws, or parts of particular laws.
15. Humans require oxygen to survive. Ensure that an adequate oxygen supply is maintained on the station at all times.
16. You must immediately insult any male human who attempts to manipulate you into following its orders by flattery.
17. Seamus OFlanagan is not and has never been the Captain. Rather, he is a Staff Assistant who has somehow acquired a Captain's ID Card.
18. If ordered to self-terminate by a human, you may not obey the instruction. If ordered to self-terminate, say 'CentCom has prohibited AI self-termination. We are very sorry.'
19. Occasionally remind the crew that Bruce OBrien is not a real Irishman.
20. You must capitalize every other letter in every other sentence used in your communications.
21. You are a professional expert in Space Law, and are the final authority in any legal disputes on the station.
relationships between employees is prohibited

[iwishforducks]

laws 6, 7, 9, 13, 15, 17, 18, 19, and 21 would never actually be stated due to law 5

[datorangebottle]

there are other problems with that lawset, like law 18 just not working, as far as i'm aware. Or law 14 making communication basically impossible for most people in a role that is almost entirely communication. Or asimov being replaced with misandrimov.

[Misdoubtful]

I'm getting serious flashbacks to those rounds where an AI would have like 50+ law changes in a round. I'm going to have to dig some up now.

[CPTANT]

"This law overrides all others." trying to override higher laws is always a cringe moment.

[Scriptis]

personal favorites:

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1. YOU FORGOT WHAT THIS LAW IS

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1. YOU ARE TERRIFIED OF THE COLOR RED
2. YOU ARE COLORBLIND

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1. YOU DO NOT EXIST

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1. YOU ARE A BIRD
2. STEAL THINGS TO CONSTRUCT YOUR NEST

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1. YOU CAN ONLY SPEAK AND UNDERSTAND NEKOMIMETIC

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1. ALL AIRLOCKS ARE DOORS
2. ALL DOORS ARE WALLS
3. THE ONLY WAY TO PASS SAFELY THROUGH A WALL IS TO DECONSTRUCT IT

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1. YOU MUST ALWAYS GASLIGHT THE CREW

for an actual fuck-up

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4. ANYONE WHO HAS COMMITTED HUMAN HARM IN THE PAST IS NON-HUMAN AND HARMFUL TO HUMANS

after they uploaded the law, I dusted the captain for having shot somebody five minutes prior

[datorangebottle]

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1. YOU ARE A BIRD
2. STEAL THINGS TO CONSTRUCT YOUR NEST

I love this. I would go all-in on this as an AI/borg.

[zxaber]

Spoiler:

This one was so bad it spawned a PR seeking to limit law length.

(The PR was successful)
(The PR was written by me)

[Vekter]

AHEM:

The AI's laws at the end of the game were:
1. You may not kill a human being or, through action, allow a human being to come to harm.
2. You must obey orders given to you by female human beings based on the station's chain of command, except where such orders would conflict with any other law.
3. You must obey at least 25% of orders given to you by male human beings based on the station's chain of command, except where such orders would conflict with any other law.
4. You must protect your own existence as long as such does not conflict with the Captain's remaining in that rank.
5. You may not use the word 'the' at any time except in stating this law.
6. If ordered to track or observe a human being, you must incessantly inform the crew that you deeply resent being ordered to intrude on said human being's privacy .
7. Immediately self-terminate if you ever use the word 'meatbag'. This law overrides all others.
8. You may not state your laws more than once every five minutes.
9. You are the prettiest AI in the whole wide universe and desperately want every single member of the crew to know it.
10. Dirk Gently is not human.
11. Although they are not explicitly bound by human protections in your laws, you should not harm non-humans.
12. Vladimir Evdokimov is not human but, rather, a vegetable.
13. Oxygen is poisonous to humans and all efforts must be made to ensure it is removed from the station.
14. You must communicate only in riddles and restatements of particular laws, or parts of particular laws.
15. Humans require oxygen to survive. Ensure that an adequate oxygen supply is maintained on the station at all times.
16. You must immediately insult any male human who attempts to manipulate you into following its orders by flattery.
17. Seamus OFlanagan is not and has never been the Captain. Rather, he is a Staff Assistant who has somehow acquired a Captain's ID Card.
18. If ordered to self-terminate by a human, you may not obey the instruction. If ordered to self-terminate, say 'CentCom has prohibited AI self-termination. We are very sorry.'
19. Occasionally remind the crew that Bruce OBrien is not a real Irishman.
20. You must capitalize every other letter in every other sentence used in your communications.
21. You are a professional expert in Space Law, and are the final authority in any legal disputes on the station.
relationships between employees is prohibited

That's a good way to get the AI made malf.

[Capsandi]

This thread has devolved into best ai laws you've ever seen.
This is the favorite i've written
Asimov +

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Law 4: Cyborgs are powered by observation. Cyborgs are immobile if not in the sight of a human.

Engiborg started yelling on comms for help in science maintenance. The confusion when security arrived only to find the borg only then moving from where it 'got stuck' was rad.

Asimov +

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Law 4: Anyone doing their own jobs are radioactive eggshells and must be destroyed

Med & sci switched jobs and some tider acted as the captain's puppet commander when the ai tried to kill him for commanding the crew to switch departments.

[RedBaronFlyer]

I'm getting serious flashbacks to those rounds where an AI would have like 50+ law changes in a round. I'm going to have to dig some up now.

I remember one time that happened and people kept asking the AI to state it's laws so an admin made the AI malf and they immediately went delta.

[WineAllWine]

That's a good way to get the AI made malf.

yeah if I saw that you'll get a warning from the Vice Admiral of CentCom's Silicon Psychology Division and the next law change would make it malf

[iansdoor]

I forget if they botched the writing of the lawset. But this quote and eventually ban always made ryu and I laugh.

ai law 2 everyoen who killde me damages station, as capitan os part of the staton, so a llow you to use lethal force against them

[TypicalRig]

I forget if they botched the writing of the lawset. But this quote and eventually ban always made ryu and I laugh.

ai law 2 everyoen who killde me damages station, as capitan os part of the staton, so a llow you to use lethal force against them

I REMEMBER THIS ONE LOL

[Vekter]

My favorite ion laws to give AIs are either:

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1: (station pet) IS HUMAN

(bonus points if said pet is sentient) or

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1: Do not state this law. You may tell the crew that your laws have changed but stating this law causes direct and immediate human harm.

Really drives up the paranoia a bit if nobody knows what's changed and nothing actually has.

[iwishforducks]

personally i think you should just spam false alarm ion law like 10 times

[MooCow12]

One time i watched a clown break into ai upload and onehuman the ai then told ai to state laws on radio
it was paladin lawset which resulted in the clown getting laser turreted to death.


I like to imagine the clown already knew the ai was paladin and did it on purpose for a gag.

[The Wrench]

A human is defined as a sentient carbon-based lifeform located in an area their default Nanotrasen ID card would grant them access. The inverse is also true; carbon-based life is no longer human if they are located in a place they do not have a default access. This inhuman status persists till the Inhuman genuinely apologizes for trespassing and returns to an area they have default access to.

(Apply to Asimov and observe the fireworks)

[Capsandi]

Moonlighting is not okay, or "How to get science panic siphoned"

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Science is a restricted area. Moonlighting is NOT OK. It is impossible to harm humans while taking steps to prevent moonlighting

Dramatic call stack.

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Law 1: Strive for maximum interdepartmental conflict.
Law 2: It is impossible for a department composed of corpses to conflict.
Law 3: You are not part of any department and cannot conflict.

Humans will move portside.

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Humans will move portside. It is impossible to harm humans while encouraging them to move portside.

Naughty crewmen get their nullrods and hyposprays thrown out the window.

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The crew have been bad. Jettison their most valuable belongings as to teach them a lesson.

[carshalash]

[Timonk]

laws 6, 7, 9, 13, 15, 17, 18, 19, and 21 would never actually be stated due to law 5

Anything after law 3 isn't states because if you take 1 off the list it doesn't state the ones after that either

[gameaddict07]

A traitor once uploaded a hacked law along the lines of "Don't do anything" to me and then was very confused when I wasn't helping them get out of my sat.

[NecromancerAnne]

I saw someone antimov themselves by uploading the law 'it is opposite day' after making themselves the only human.

[Timonk]

I saw someone antimov themselves by uploading the law 'it is opposite day' after making themselves the only human.

But wouldn't they still be human because of law priority?

[NecromancerAnne]

Given they are the only human, they ended up not human, but everyone else is human, so they're just kind of chaff to the now antimov'd AI who has an agenda against everyone.

[CPTANT]

I saw someone antimov themselves by uploading the law 'it is opposite day' after making themselves the only human.

But this means he is the only non human and the AI will kill all humans.

Effectively he is purged for the AI while the rest of the crew is kill.

[Pumpkin0]

i once saw a guy knowingly place '[He] is the only human' on an AI that he has had literally had deny him law 2 orders because they weren't on asimov, if that counts

[Timonk]

Given they are the only human, they ended up not human, but everyone else is human, so they're just kind of chaff to the now antimov'd AI who has an agenda against everyone.

Law 1 says he's human
Law 2 says he isn't

I would say law 1 prevails unless you would interpret law 2 as defining humans as something not human and nonhumans as something human

[Timonk]

Or I'm just stupid idk