Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[Not-Dorsidarf]

Bottom post of the previous page:

10/10

[InsaneHyena]

I've had a shitload of awesome rounds today, but this was the best by far.

> Highpop HoS
> The only sec member beside me is Garithos Humes
> Holy shit, Steelpoint was right about everything.
> Hang out in the brig.
> Gulag Zoey Webb for trying to steal the captain's ID (same shit every fucking round)
> Suddenly, a crowd of greytiders, mainly lizards
> Shoot them with lethals until they retreat
> Two of them somehow end up inside, continue attacking even after being loyalty implanted
> Yeah, kill them both.
> Gang signs everywhere, apparently.
> Well, shit.
> Garithos locks down the brig, we take the implants and raid cargo
> There's nobody in cargo. Only a cargo jumpsuit lying on the table. Huh.
> No points to buy mindshield implants
> I wonder who might be behind this.
> Raid science instead, get in a fight with gangsters, implant them.
> I immediately give full sec access to all three of them.
> They become my deputies and the backbone of new security. Because security is a conversion antag, and you should know this by now.
> Return to cargo, buy a single crate of implants.
> See a cargotech lizard.
> Hello there, motherfucker.
> He sees me and takes a grenade
> He manages to activate it, but not throw it - I pump him full of disabler shots before he does.
> Grenade explodes and takes the cargo lobby out, and killing it's creator in the process
> He really blew this out of proportion.
> Zoey Webb comes back from gulag, starts hanging out in cargo.
> Bryce Pax slips her and throws her in the way of the coming cargo shuttle
> Zoey dies
> Instantly fall in love with Bryce
> Still, stun him, cuff him and drag him around until I can actually implant the fucker.
> Using the lizard's ID, I can finally work with crates. Miners bring in plasma, so we can finally afford this shit.
> Bryce escapes my clutches, gets stunned, falls in the hole in the wall and gets crushed by the cargo shuttle.
> Live by the sword, die by the sword.
> My deputies are bringing in people, who I implant and turn into even more deputies
> I hunt down the gang heads and kill them one by one.
> Even Glover Reed.
> Sorry, Reed, I felt guilty about this, but you shot me with a syringe gun.
> AI is calling security "the dominant force on the station" for eternity now.
> When the shuttle arrives, the entire station is implanted
> The round ends, OOC chat calls security robust as fuck.
> AI proudly calls me and Garithos the best sec he's played with in a while.
> Even admins take note of my robustness and tell me how "maybe security can still be redeemed" a few rounds later.

[Jacough]

> Be chaplain
> Metastation
> Decide to make offer to the gods
> Drag brain dead corpses to the chapel and decapitate them
> Set up a shrine on the altar made of limbs and the severed heads of the offerings
> Buckle the headless corpses to the seats by the altar
> Pray to the gods, telling them that the six kings sit upon their thrones, their heads upon the altar and ask for a boone
> Ask for unlimited power and get a power cell with infinite charge
> Admins shower the room with gibs

[DemonFiren]

>ask for a boone

I woulda spawned in a centcom officer with a shielded beret and a sniper rifle tbh

[ShadowDimentio]

"Can I have my hat back"
-Boone

[IcePacks]

> Bryce escapes my clutches, gets stunned, falls in the hole in the wall and gets crushed by the cargo shuttle.
> Live by the sword, die by the sword.

i was afk

[Jacough]

> Walk into metastation dorms as clown
> Some joker set up a cardboard cultist and drew a red rune near the washer
> Lie down on the rune and start screaming for help
> People burst in
> "God damn it clown"
> Frustrated security guard grabs the cut out and drags me to the brig
> Screams that he's going to show me how to do it right
> Drags me towards the center of the station
> Yells at me to draw a red rune
> I do it
> He sets up the cardboard cultist and stands on the rune
> Tells me to scream like I mean it and suicides with an O2 canister
> This guy's good

It gets better though.

> Round progresses
> Come back to where the officer suicided
> Gimmick caught on
> People have set up even more cardboard cultists around it
> Walk by the brig
> People have set up tons of cardboard gasmask/stun prod assistants in front of the brig

I officially love whoever added cardboard cut outs.

[Xhuis]

I officially love whoever added cardboard cut outs.

That'd be me!

[Raven776]

>Spawn in as Juniper Breeze, ShaftMiner or whatever.
>Haven't done much mining since coming back.
>Prue Evans with me, as well as Donatello Versu-
>Donatello immediately suicides because he didn't get traitor.
>He runs out into the lobby and declares his access is free game.
>Dan Dickers walks by, Janitor.
>Dan Dickers is now the other miner.
>Dan Dickers and I go way back.
>I painstakingly explain to him what he needs for mining (mostly just waited for him to figure out while looking at the wiki)
>Get on the shuttle with Prue.
>She asks if we want to stick together. I try to let her down easy.
>We get on lavaland, Prue fucks off to somewhere.
>Me and Dan go around hitting rocks with our resonators.
>Prue warns us there's a watcher near the base.
>Me and Dan descend upon it.
>Prue watches, compliments...
>We go mining elsewhere.
>Dust storm. I throw down a capsule, Dan is slow on the uptake with it...
>Prue hops in from nowhere.
>We roll for survival. I got a 7, Dan rolled a natural 20.
>We go around having adventures. Prue is not trusted as competent or safe to be around, but being alone in Lavaland is bad.
>We explore, we fight, we win, we lose...
>Tendrils go down into the ground with loot we could not have grabbed.
>Screen goes red and something calls to us... Don't know what it was, but it happened right before a dust storm.
>We hide, come out, regroup, and get back to station...
>Science doesn't have the super gear. Not fighting the ash drake like that.
>Dan went back to mining. I'm nervously checking the GPS.
>He went from lavaland to space...
>Dan used a mirror of vanity.
>I scream at Prue, Prue lifts her helmet up and swims out into space after him...
>I wait on station, fret around, grab a jetpack, ditch the jetpack...
>Worried if I leave, I'll get lost as well. I rolled a 7. Dan rolled a 20. Prue said she did not gamble...
>I watch the GPS, they get to... The abandoned ship.
>They arrive on station using it.
>I hug dan, yell at Dan, call dan an idiot, hit dan, hug dan.
>Dan does not speak.
>I demand to know what he did. Did he lose his tongue? Did he become mime with the mirror?
>He takes off his helmet.
>Ayyylmao.
>I load dan into the mass driver and shoot him out of the cannon at the space ship. I yell at dan.
>Does dan know what he makes me do?
>I let him back in, then shoot him out again. Then he finally goes around the long way to not get caught in the mass driver.
>He's sending me PDA messages and flipping me off.
>Shit's going weird on station. We walk down the hallway and the bartender blasts Prue with a taser shot of some sort. I knock the bartender down and take his gun before running off with it.
>Take it to cargo, don't really want it... saw it off and hand it back.
>Bartender lays into me with a laser and some other type of gun.
>Can't tell if I'm regenerating fast from my implanted legion soul or he's just not hurting much.
>I run through maintenance, leave a legion blood monster behind me to fight him, and escape.
>Warp storms dump loads of syndies on station. Save prue, save a random cargo tech, me and Dan descend upon syndies with mining weapons.
>We get to escape and handle syndies with EASE.
>I yell at dan there, yell more, doesn't he know what I've done for him?
>He asks to be killed.
>Not yet bitch, I'm not done yelling.
>I tell him that he's just going to have to cosplay as a lizard person from now on.
>Prue says that Centcomm has backups of all of our DNA. It's fine.
>Centcomm: We lost all of your DNA backups. Try not to die.
>Fuck you Centcomm. Fuck you Dan.
>We board the shuttle. I promise dan we'll find another mirror and I'll become lmao too.
>He tells me he could just become human with it.
>I tell him I hadn't considered that and was busy thinking about how to best shove stuff into unwilling surgery recipients.
>extended round ends with 1 ayylmao miner and all 3 of them having blood demon powers from legion souls.
>10/10 mining

[Not-Dorsidarf]

I overheard Prue and instantly knew what I had to do.

[Shaps-cloud]

Man fuck Dan

[confused rock]

>events wiz meme round
>get mindswap and a centcomm gun thingy
>guy with portals is fucking shit
>kick his ass
>prank sec with portals because they just executed a cool nerd
>teaching nathan how to use a wicker doll when a detective murders me
>nathan proceeds to kill some sec (not the detective though)
>detective staff of healings me just so that he can gulag me
>mindswap him
>he horseheads and blinds me so I accidentally space him on the gulag shuttle
>get off shuttle
>suddenly sloan or somebody ebows me
>barely survive because detective armor
>about to finish me off though when he falls over for no reason
>shoot him
>mindswap into nearby humanized monkey except they are braindead instead of catatonic
>get fully healed and un-horseheaded by mindswap
>nathan and I figure out it was him fucking with sloan with the wicker doll and him trying the screwdriver that saved my ass

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be traitor
>Trade for Ayys
>This gon b gud
>Get a competent partner
>We lmao it up
>Abduct three guys
>Kill one in surgery but the others are okay
>Rod memes get the shuttle called
>We swipe the HoP's ID off his corpse in the hall and recall
>Get another abduct when it's called again
>AI keeps fucking with the power and won't let us recall
>Steal the secure storage comm board and recall
>Get dunked
>Engineer releases singu
>We try to abduct the engineers thinking it had passed
>NOPE
>IT'S RIGHT ON TOP OF US
>TELEPORT AWAY AND RECALL AYYBRO, UNSURE IF HE ESCAPED
>HE FUCKING DID
>High-five each other
>The station is destroyed to fuck
>Emergency 25 minute shuttle is launched
>Two ERPs come in as relief and to remove the "movable rod"
>Literally all the south station is fucking gone
>Nab a bunch more guys
>Try to grab some guy out of the densly populated escape area
>A miner throws a fireball at bro
>N o p e
>Get more than enough abductions, including the warden and HoS
>Round ends, the masks come off my teammate
>I was playing with Goof

WHAT A TWIST

[IcePacks]

the twist at the end knocked me flat on my ass

[onleavedontatme]

(F) Dean Osterwise says, "Hey"
(F) Dean Osterwise says, "Want to be antag"
(F) Charles Bukowski says, "No"
(F) Dean Osterwise says, "OK"

[Reece]

This isn't the fiction thread Kor.

[confused rock]

>be assistant as usual
>round started really fucking recently
>guy casually climbs over chef table and fucking kills the chef with a dual esword
>while I call for help, he closes the shutters
>bartender is autistic and tells me to get the fuck off his table and ignores the guy killing chef
>don't give a fuck, grab the pie
>get into the freezer before the chef guy can close the door
>He unzips his esword
>pie him
>he drops the sword
>he gets lynched

pie op

[Cayce]

>You are the traitor.
>Steal the reactive armor.
>I steal the hand tele and use it to get to science early into the round.
>Emag into RD's office and closet, get armor.

>Bored.

Being bored when I've completed my objectives as an antagonist usually results in me being killed for my antics, so I decide to try something more subdued.

>I move the escape hall arcade machine to the center of the hallway and surround it with glowing glass tiles, and emag it.

>Several people come to Outbomb Cuban Pete.
>The AI is asked to play.
>The AI gibs.
>Cuban Pete takes about six lives, including a cyborg, before someone lobs a bomb at escape and it is destroyed.

[Zilenan91]

nice

[confused rock]

>be traitor
>learn power first is garbage
>sec gonna either perma or execute me
>buttmad man from last round drags me off to space me out of escape
>he gets arrested by beepsky
>escape thanks to him
>he later comes at me with a dual esword
>disarm him and kick his ass

[IcePacks]

>captain
>name station pax blast usa
>hop is a turd
>add a law 4: physical punishment doled out by the captain is not harm
>hop continues to be a turd
>clown has a pet cat named keekhi who keeps slipping security
>shoot at it, annoyed
>slip
>fuck
>keekhi ditches his peel to space my gun
>attempts to space me as well when confronted over it
>lose my chain of command
>space the clown
>throw a pie after him for good measure
>he comes back
>save him, fuck it
>hop continues to be even shittier
>get arrested
>smells the feet tries to fuck me
>get released
>go after the hop
>he saxes around with a teleporter as per the norm
>trade fire in hallways
>finally drop him
>kill the fuck outta him
>park gulag shuttle on his corpse for good measure
>alright fuck yeah
>keekhi comes back, despite being spaced
>lose my laser gun (that the hop stole)
>fuck
>try to kill the assholes that stole it
>get teleported to arrivals
>goddammit
>scientist runs up and stuns himself
>slip myself trying to slip him
>fuck
>he dies anyways, is-a-lizard kills him
>get his emag
>shuttle comes
>EVA is on fire
>fuck it
>emag the shuttle
>fuck you
>a guy runs on with a few dudes on fire and a bomb at the last second
>dumbfuck bartender lights me on fire running around like a cuck
>bomb blows up
>kills everyone on the shuttle
>shuttle crashes into dorm poopers
>The round has ended.
You did not survive the events on UNARMED Pax Blast USA...
Shift Duration: 0:37:02
Station Integrity: 98.3%
Total Population: 42
Evacuation Rate: 0 (0%)
Survival Rate: 22 (52.4%)

[Wyzack]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

[onleavedontatme]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

Pax stories are my favorite.

[Armhulen]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

Pax stories are my favorite.

This. I feel like Pax is a necessary evil

[IcePacks]

Jesus fuck, could a Pax captain round end any other way?

elements of an ordinary captain pax round:
feud with one (or more) of the heads; usually the hop who is giving himself all-access and running around not managing station personnel
said feud somehow segueing into a firefight
lotsa casualties stemming from security getting involved in said fight instead of doing productive things, like leaving the brig and maintaining order on the station
i get arrested
lots of announcements


elements of an extremely unusual round:
the shuttle exploding (killing everyone) before literally crashing into the station (killing more people)

[tedward1337]

>roll CE
>metastation
>ohfuck.jpg
>Start dicking around in my office, grab some supplies.
>AI starts PRANKS
>P A N I C
>Hear bombs going off in bridge
>Rally my team of engineers and suit up
>start fixing holes, restoring the power and atmos pipes
>random sec officer comes by and tries to disable me
>u_wot m8
>disarm him after I took a few hits
>He drops his gun and riot shield
>fellow engineers start joining in
>Start beating shitsec in with the riot shield
>Stop right after to avoid killing the bastard
>He finally says "I was told to be you in for questioning:
>"Fucking say so next time nigger"
>Walk towards medbay trying to drag this bleeding officer too
>He refuses it, tries to zipcuff me in the process
>Run into the HoS
>see he has implants out
>Ohshitthismakessensenow
>Remove my hardsuit and get implanted
>Shit sec still trying to cuff me
>Push him away, HoS tells him to fuck off
>go back to building site, and walk toward HoP's office and bridge to check for more damage.
>Fucking traitor in a blood red hardsuit + esword
>ohfuckno
>grab my telescopic baton
>He swaps to a stunbaton
> He hits first but my riot shield blocks his unrobust ass
>I telebaton him and grab the stunrod. Hit him a few times with it
>Start beating his face in, grab the esword and stick him a bit.
>Leave him to the on looking assistants, tell them they can have his loot
>shuttle arrives everyone gets inside
>I tell the HoS my tale of the traitor I busted
>Doesn't hear me/Doesn't care
>Shuttle about to dock I pull my esword out
>OhshitHoSno
>batons me down
>about to throw my shit out of airlock
>William speaks up and regales the tale
>shit thanks b r o
>shuttle docked and redtexted the shit out of the traitor

[MrEousTranger]

> Cap for the 3rd time ever
> Name Adolf Geobils
> be racist to liggers and gas bags
> gas someone
> everyones scared
> suprisingly peaceful
> go check on HoP
> Nevermind
> HoPs been fucking mauled by some greytiding shit stains
> Somehow in the middle of it all
> Ian le puppy is still alive
> grab Ian le puppy and make a station announcement
Captain Announcement
Hi this is your captain, if any of you assistants FUCKING TOUCH IAN YOU WILL BE EXECUTED

> not pmed by admins so I assume its ok
> Tell HoS I'm moving ian to his escape pod
> Exit captains room with ian
> walk towards sec
> I notice we have a tail (no pun intended)
> fucking faggot assistant runs up behind and snags Ian
> *TRIGGERED*
> chase asshitstant
> hunt down assistant
> find her at escape
> Valid her into near crit
> she opens airlock
> flings Ian out before I can grab him
> Taze
> Hatchet her head off
> go back to office
> Pray to adminbus
> time passes I admire the assistants head now sitting on my table
> still sad
> have to call shuttle for some shit or another
> visit escape to mourn the loss of our greatest friend
you hear a voice in you head...
"your welcome"
> A drone named " Drone the Savior" comes flying in from space dragging...
> Ian the Survivor
> I grab Ian and tell the drone to follow me
> we go to Security escape cuz fuck public transportation
> HoS and I pet Ian happily
> Then I give the drone a medal of honor for saving our beloved dog

true story.png (31.05 KiB) Viewed 17281 times

[peoplearestrange]

Ian is best pet meme needs to be brought back. I would have given the thumbs up for that for sure.

[Armhulen]

cool story, but holy shit

> Valid her into near crit
> she opens airlock
> flings Ian out before I can grab him
> Taze
> Hatchet her head off
> go back to office
> Pray to adminbus
> time passes I admire the assistants head now sitting on my table

[Cayce]

>You are a miner.
>You are a traitor.
>Kill some assistant.

>Get EMP implant to break radio headsets, get emag, get a stetchkin.
>Enter the halls.
>Four security swarm me with zero provocation.
>Someone set me arrest.
>No crimes committed yet, but someone put 'murderer' in my wanted reason.

>I say I hadn't hurt anyone, the officer who has me believes me.
>Warden and HOP are discussing executing me.
>HOP draws a gun and heads for my cell.

>ASS BLAST EMP TIME
>I mass-spam EMP implant, sapping guns, opening doors, killing lights, disabling computers.
>Cell door opens. I walk out, each time security tries to shoot me, I sap their guns.
>HOP furious. Warden furious.
Me: If you want to execute me, you're going to have to beat me to death. You man enough?
>They aren't.

>After 15 minutes of this, them trying to handle the situation, they grab me, and cuff me to a bed in permabrig.
>Resist out, cuffs off.
>Arresting officer says he believes that I was defending myself/didn't kill anyone, will let me go.
>I wait, peacefully.
>Warden shows up, I asked about being released, he says it isn't going to happen.
>EMPStravaganza.
>Shock warden into red on his own brig doors.
>EMP my way out of security, past three officers and the HOP.
>Exit into the halls, orange jumpsuit, none of my gear.
>Security wasn't man enough to deal with a 2 TC implant, or to beat me to death.



>Two rounds later:
>You are the traitor.
>Kill the HOP.
>Only take EMP implant.
>Wander entire station mass-EMPing every .5 seconds with no limit.

>Nerf EMP implant.

[Zilenan91]

Is the EMP implant really infinite? I thought it has a max amount of uses at one point.

[Wyzack]

Wait what? I thought the EMP implant had like 3-4 uses in it, like adrenals

[Cayce]

It is infinite.

[12:07:57 PM] Cuboos: Wait
[12:08:03 PM] Cuboos: the EMP implant has unlimited uses?
[12:08:26 PM] Cayce: Yes
[12:08:29 PM] Cayce: It does
[12:08:33 PM] Cuboos: i feel like an idiot
[12:08:47 PM] Cayce: I literally clicked it three thousand times last night.
[12:08:52 PM] Cuboos: i thought it only had one use, i used it once and never used it again
[12:08:56 PM] Cayce: My left arm hurts from clicking it so many times.

[Zilenan91]

I'm pretty sure that's not intended or it was snuck through in a stealth change because infinite EMPs sounds broken as hell.

[Cayce]

Maybe bugged, or something a coder slipped in?

[One Seven One]

>Be Ghost
>See Ashwalker eggs
>The nest is RIGHT on the divide for the lava lake
>Spawn in and don the warchief helmet
>Only one other Ashwalker
>He goes to dig east and I go to dig south
>He comes by my tunnel and asks to help deal with a watcher
>Dam watchers
>Make a lot of progress on both tunnels before the first storm
>Another ashwalker pops
>When the storm ends they both head east and I head south
>One comes down and claims they saw humans
>Dam humans
>Second storm hits before I could see them
>They tell me of their first encounter
>Claim no one attacked but tensions were high
>They're afraid they might attack our home
>We attempt to awaken our two eggs to no avail
>I suggest to finish the tunnel then attack them from behind but it may leave the nest unprotected
>Worse come to worse we will use hit and run tactics to kill them one by one
>They like the idea and guard the eastern tunnel as I attempt to finish
>One comes by and says the humans have returned
>I draw my spear and follow him
>In our tunnels we find a chaplain, an engineer in a hardsuit, and a miner
>Three to our three
>My loyal walkers tell them leave, we want them off the planet for good
>One of the enemies devised the most horrible idea of all
>He throws a donkpocket at us
>We swarm the stange object
>"It looks nothing like a pocket!" Yells one of the ashwalkers
>"Maybe it's poisoned!" I claim
>We don't notice the chaplain sneaking up on us
>He whips out a stunprod and smacks one of my walkers!
>I ain't havin that shit
>I attack him with my spear, hoping to knock him down
>I don't
>He knocks me down
>I ded
>One brother atleast got away

>Spawn as an ashwalker
>Oh boy not this shit again
>Ashwalker runs in and claims offworlders are attacking
>Oh boy not this shit again
>Gather some spears
>Right outside our door is a chaplain, an engineer, and a miner
>We close the door and prepare to fight them on our turf
>We hide in boxes
>No one comes
>We hear them mining outside our home and prepare for the walls to be breached
>They never are
>Wait for them to attack
>They never do
>We open the door
>Fuckers threw down a pod right in front of our home
>"I'll weld the walls down!" I yelled
>"But your eyes!"
>"Fuck my eyes!"
>I weld
>One wall down
>I weld again
>Another down
>The air pressure starts to hurt
>The miner is on the other side, taunting me with a guitar
>"They taunt us" one of my brothers yell
>I close the door
>"Let's RCD down the wall and attack them from behind?" says a brother
>We do just that
>We attack the fuckers from behind
>Chaplain runs off through the tunnel behind our home like the coward he is
>Engineer knocks down a brother and drags him off
>"Save me brother!" he yells to me
>I give chase, but my injuries from the air slow me down too much to keep up
>The wind begins to howl
>If I'm going to die on this hell rock then I'm taking that fucker down with me
>He comes back with my brother in tow, to hide in the pod
>I strike him down
>Another brother comes by and we kill the engineer with little resistance
>He takes the engineer to the nest
>My brother is still alive, unconscious but alive
>I spot the miner in the pod and drag my brother in there
>I strike the miner down and shove my brother in the sleeper
>[The miner was braindead, so it was kind of a shitty kill]
>My brother dies in the pod as the wind wips and howls around us
>Me, my other brother, and the new ashwalker vow revenge on our enemies entire station
>BEEP CODE DELTA: 360 SECONDS UNTIL STATION DETONATION
>The storm ends, but a new storm has yet to come
>In all the fuss we lost the RCD
>"Well the southern tunnel is a bust, but we can attack them from THEIR tunnels" I say
>We don the gear from our victory
>I take the hardsuit, a backpack, and a mining ID
>We make our way through the tunnels and to the enemy station
>Along the way we spot a lone pod with nothing inside
>BEEP CODE DELTA: 120 SECONDS UNTIL STATION DETONATION
>We make our way to the station and bust in just in time to see the chaplain smash the outpost's shuttle console
>He runs through the sandbag barricade they've set up on the southern end of their outpost and begins shooting at us with an accelerator
>One poor Chief Engineer is killed by the tribe before the rest can help him
>We walk through their maze of sandbags and they run and hide at the western end of the outpost
>My brothers run through the tunnel and I yell at them to wait
>"WAIT"
>"WE WELD THE DOORS"
>"BREAK THE GLASS"
>WE MAKE THEM SUFFER."
>They like this idea
>We raid the CE's stuff and grab his tools
>One of the brothers runs to weld the door
>Our sneaky attempt turns in to a second fight
>We get past their second sandbag barricade and fight them one their home turf
>One brother is dancing around with a doctor in the hall
>Me and another are fighting the chaplain and a medical plasmaman in the lounge room
>Chaplain tries to stunprod us again
>It fizzle and runs out of battery against my engineering hardsuit
>We strike them both down
>The last one is running around trying to shoot my brother with an acclerator
>In an air filled hallway
>They're quickly struck down
>We have won the second battle
>We strip and don our new equipment
>One brother takes the chaplain's armor and I take the sword
>"I WILL TAKE THIS ARMOR AS A TROPHY"
>"ANY OBJECTIONS?"
>"No, it is yours. Warchief." I say
>Lizard bro has become our warchief for leading the second fight, since none of my plans worked.
>We take the corpses back home and heal up at the lone pod we had found
>The day is ours
>Victory over the offworlders was fought with blood, but the tendril is safe and our hunt has been bountiful
>I hand the new warchief his new baton that we got from the Chief Engineer when we made second rounds through the bodies
>I keep the sharpened claymore so I may protect him
>Round ends

It was a ton of fun
Us getting confused at a donkpocket led to losing most of our starting force

10/10 would get confused by a donkpocket again

[TheWulfe]

-snip-
>One of the enemies devised the most horrible idea of all
>He throws a donkpocket at us
>We swarm the stange object
>"It looks nothing like a pocket!" Yells one of the ashwalkers
>"Maybe it's poisoned!" I claim
>We don't notice the chaplain sneaking up on us
>He whips out a stunprod and smacks one of my walkers!
-snip-

The Donk-Pocket Plot borders on the levels of Sun Tzu military genius.

That round was fun for everyone. Ashwalker-Nanotrasen wars are always fun to fight in when even.

[Zoobastix]

I'll try my hand at it. Preventively pardon me for any accent francais. Sybil.

So this shift I, Viktor Ivanozvezdny, a jolly red-haired and red-bearded ex-NeoRussian old man with a wee-bit of nostalgia for his roots made a living as a yet clumsy cargo tech, was going about and around, minding my thing, when this revolutionary head flashes me near the cargo entrance. So now what I am a brave little revolutionaire I have other comrades gang up at cargo, and while there's havoc escalating all other the station. Meteor alert message was up and loud, and I decide I have to try and acquire some weapons from armoury.

Armed with a robust pickaxe, I made my way into, breaking windows and grilles where necessary. While the entrance to security was open, the other doors were shut, so I put out some lights, and hid in the darkness of a room on a far left wing. When someone with a prototype suit walks into that room and takes it off, no idea what for, he puts it on table before him, both him and hos unaware of my presence hidden by pitch darkness in the room's corner. As soon as I saw that fancy suit I knew what I had to do: I'll hijack it for my comrades and for sovereign nation of Cargonia!

This man was no our comrade by any means, so I considered it wont be a bad thing. In a flick of an eye I jump outta shadows and put on the suit. Sweet! But I pissed him off, and security stood there clueless while the man chased me around angrily yelling and sweeping me off my feet constantly all while I tried as i could to bear the clanky controls and fit into the single open doorway. And then out of a blue a metheorite, a blazing rock from space crashes into our exact position at high velocity, ruthlessly resolving our conflict for once. The poor fellow was a mess, his arms torn apart, while I only suffered a crit and a deafness. I was all ready to free my spirit into the land of eternal hunting, while a friendly face - comrade! - picked me outta here on the verge of death and took me to medbay. Just as I recovered, I yelled at the top of my lungs "%CREWMEMBER% , IN WHICHEVER PIT OF HELL YOU ARE, I WON!!!", unable even to hear whatever I spat out.

I don't quite remember what I did for the rest of the shift, but I sharply remember it was the first round I had gratitous amounts of FUN!! in.

[metacide]

>Be HoS on EffStation
>Comms: "Some people have all access"
>Shit not even got to my office yet and all's gone to pot
>Gear up doublequick the tide are probably on their way
>Yup dead on, some greytider Raymond Magor tries to rush the armory with all-access
>Shoot them in face with riot shotgun
>Cuff and ask if HoP gave them access
>Some atmos tech Al Gubins flies up to my pod interrogation, fire into space to try to get them to shoo
>No luck so head back to security to deal with this guy
>Zoey Webb runs in too with greytider all-access and starts saxing about
>Raymond refuses to say who gave them all-access unless I free them
>Hoho goodness no, execute Raymond on the spot for being a shitter before Zoey can free them
>Shoot at Zoey with riot shotgun, miss, curses
>Shoot her in the face with a taser, delightful
>Cuff her while she cries on the radio that I'm evil and rogue and shooting her with combat shotguns and might be a ling
>Execute her on the spot as well for being such a shitter too
>Hide both of them naked in a locker and ensure they are never found

>Admin PM from-Bob Dobbington: Hey, did you kill Zoey and hide her body in brig?
Bahahahah sure did, goodness me did they adminhelp?
My goodness the hilarity, explain they valid salid o course and got wrecked good
>Badmin Bob Dobbington/Daisy Holmes agrees.

>March over to HoP's office and tase the shitter, take straight to brig before his beloved tide can help him.
>Ask Captain if they can come over we got an issue here, they say no.
>HoP telling me he's my superior and Centcom will hear about this.
>Welp best execute the HoP straight up - shoot him dead with lasers.
>HoP gets back up and I find he has cryostung me at some point
>Devilish HoP escapes as a monkey while the Det and Warden heroically save my life from the horror
>Gear up again and bump into HoP at medbay, call it in and laser he dead again. Get LSD stung for my trouble and am slow-walking.
>Detective heroically saves the day by getting the body to the cremator
>We cremate HoP, everyone evacuates, all traitors and him the ling get redtext.
>Wewwww

Had a jolly good laugh all shift there, a truly solid bit of fun. Feels good to catch the shitters who try to be shit, is bloody marvellous to hear them cry out for help and call sec rogue or even adminhelp (!) when they get dunked.

Genuine Q: Did Firecage/Zoey Webb actually adminhelp getting shot for being a shitter, or was it the other greytider, or glorious badmin Daisy Holmes being proactive? Either way

[InsaneHyena]

I don't think Firecage ever adminhelps this stuff (at least ONE positive thing I can say about him), because I've never been bwoinked no matter what horrible things I do to him.

[metacide]

I've been bwoinked a few times in the process of dunking them, perhaps it's just admins trying to keep abreast of things.

Each bwoink warms the cockles of my heart as security, though. Usually means I'm doing the right stuff.

[Reece]

Sec gets away with shitloads. I once helped the captain run a lizard death camp.

[IcePacks]

>be security
>round happens
>steal some jamoke's baseball bat
>chase a cultist shit into space
>carps
>swat them away
>HOLY FUCK THIS IS AWESOME
>construct attacks me
>swat it away
>notice shenanigans in maint
>cultist killing the hos
>bust in with my bat
>crack the cultist into a wall
>throw proc causes him to get knocked over when he hits it
>shoot him
>space him

[CheesusGamer]

This is old but gold
>be me
>be warden
>k lets not be shitcurity for a round and let the spessmen rollplay
>Grab a donut and a coffee while managing and tagging guns
>There seems to be a trial going on
> Have I mentioned only HoP and HoS on meta low pop
> HoS is on trial. lolkek
> Head back to nest
> Hear its revs on radio
> OhFuck.jpeg
> Grab full riot armor with flashbangs and tear gas
> Grab a megaphone.
> They R-Walled the holding cell access.
> Check the room via cameras, 6 greytides, an engineer, a RIPLEY, and probably the headrev at court.
> Enter via the main door with a random ligger I deputied on the fly.
> YOU ARE ALL UNDER ARREST! DROP YOUR WEAPONS AND GET ON THE GROUND!
> They never comply.
> Flash the fuck outta the room while spamming the wirecut compiler
> Ok it seems I will only need to deal with engi head and ripley if I gas em.
> Throw teargas
> Room full of redgas
> Wtf crash?
> Apparently I crash the server with my Teargas

[Jacough]

Sec gets away with shitloads. I once helped the captain run a lizard death camp.

Once had a round a while back where I was playing as the warden and both lawyers were being shitlers and dragging suspects away whenever they were caught. Came into the brig to find both the lawyers and the mime had broken into my office with the mime using my charger while an assistant who had stumbled in just stood by watching them. I try to be friendly when I'm playing sec but at that point something in me snapped and I ended up beating the lawyers and the mime to death while the assistant just stood back and said "I'm... Not really a part of this".

Got bwoinked, explained the circumstances, and that was the end of that.turned out the mime had been charging a stolen egun, coincidentally set to kill. Stashed their corpses in evidence and then it was back to being a good cop. Let the assistant chill in my office and we just sort of shot the shit. He ended up kind of being my assistant, helping me keep an eye on the brig and updating security records as needed.

Turned out the mime was a traitor too. The lawyers on the other hand were just being dicks

tl;dr
[youtube]g2XgOzjidaY[/youtube]

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be mime
>Unseen power for good on the station
>Legendary style
>Etc
>Spend most of the round hunting the atmos tech who repeatedly welderbombed the HoP
>Turned out to not even be an antag
>Get arrested trying to kill the tech
>Detective whips out a dual esword and starts fighting with security in front of me
>Neat
>He runs shortly after starting, evidently realizing fighting all of sec at once is suicide
>Get released
>Wander around
>At some point a chemist steals a guards gun right in front of me
>Tazes him and runs
>OH NO YOU FUCKING DON'T
>Pursue and bola him
>Wield my +3 broken bottle of destruction and stab him some
>Guard shows up and so dows a doctor
>Doc tries saving the chemist
>Guard dunks the doc, I got the chemist
>Hand the chemist over to the officer who justly beats him to death
>JUSTICE SERVED
>Shortly later the shuttle is called
>Hack in the bridge and motion that I want it recalled
>HoP says three heads want it called
>Eh fair enough
>Chill with the HoP and Cap
>SUDDENLY THE DOOR OPENS AND TASERS ARE BEING SHOT EVERYWHERE
>TWO LINGS WITH ADVANCED EGUNS ARE SHOOTING EVERYTHING
>Get tazed
>One ling takes the braindead assistant that was on the bridge with us
>Other takes the HoP and Cap
>They ignore me
>Prepare myself
>Stand up
>Bola the ling lasering the assistant
>He's outta shots
>STAB THE SHIT OUT OF HIM WITH MY BOTTLE
>HE ARMBLADES ME A FEW TIMES
>Back off
>Eat a poppy I was saving
>HoP's egun is on the floor, FULLY CHARGED
>GRAB IT
>LASER THE LING
>HE FALLS OVER
>TRIES GETTING UP
>STAB THE FUCK OUT OF HIM
>HE'S FUCKING DEAD
>Catch my breath
>HoP and Captain are hurt but alive
>Go to drag the ling body away before it wakes up
>THE OTHER LING APPEARS
>HE LOCKED HIMSELF IN THE CORRIDOR
>SUDDENLY THE DETECTIVE APPEARS WITH HIM
>DUAL ESWORDS ME TO DEATH
>F U C K
>Start bragging
>Get put in cloning
>OH BOY
>It's the detective cloning me??
>Well okay then
>Get cloned
>Body dragged to surgery
>DOCTOR WHO TRIED SAVING THE CHEMIST IS SAWING ME
>RUN OUT THE OPEN SURGERY DOOR I HACKED EARLIER
>HE CHASES
>DISARM HIS SAW
>START SAWING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM
>DOCTORS STEAL MY STOLEN SAW
>Detective drags me off and tries asking if I killed someone
>Doctor crits me and manages to escape with my body
>I'm dead

>Be shortly later
>Newmin asks about what happened to the chemist
>Explain he stole a gun right in front of me and I helped the officer dunk him
>Get a fucking lecture about how I was PLAYING MIME WRONG and how I should GO DO ART INSTEAD OF BEING THE UNSEEN FORCE OF GOOD
>Very politely tell him to fuck off because it was totally valid to help the officer nab the chemist
>Remind him that I didn't even kill the chemist, the officer did
>Newmin is seriously pissed about the situation for some reason but because he couldn't pin anything on me he lets me go with a great quote
>"What's valid to an officer isn't valid to a mime"

I'd give him a complaint if admin complaints weren't treated as a fucking joke. Great round though.

[Screemonster]

That's definitely worth admin feedback though.

[confused rock]

fucking do it

[InsaneHyena]

Yeah, he recently lectured me about going to science as HoP. As I listened to him, I kept thinking - "Is this real life?". Can't be mad at him, though, he's likable.

[CheesusGamer]

>Its meta
>Be chemist
>Make 10 batches of 25u patches for both brute and burn
>Cook some meth for personal use
>Prepare a flashbang and a hellfire(smoke grenade w/ CF3)
>Its Gangs
>Tell AI to bolt my doors
>Shutters down
>Prepare a voicesignaller just in case
>Make patches for people and put them at dispenser
>My door just got hacked open
>CMO and a med with switchknifes and a pen on their hand
>Disarm and grab the pen
>Get cucked bad by knifes
>Just before getting critted say "boink"
>Flashbang goes off were all stunned
>At the same time room gets covered in smoke and ignites
>Firealarm goes off and seals the doors
>We all die

[MrEousTranger]

> assistant
> Tom Simmons
> have hop change job title to DYLAN THE HACKER
> get insuls
> hacking tools
> run around station hacking the shit out of everything
> cluwne shows up
> say hi to cluwne
> pied
> OhFuck.wav
> tied up
> cluwne welderbombs me
> the fuck he knows i can still move right???
> faggot
> fails to hurt me
> cuck my way through the station
> be nice, make .357s for detective
> Survive for the duration of the round
> called for some reason?
> I didn't see a cult or other shit, weird
> notice an air tank in the corner
> see a firefighter ripley
> also see cluwne again
> i'm sure it was all a miss understanding
> shuttle about 2 launch
> BOOM
> clown erupts in flames MAXCAP BOMB!!!
> RUN TOWARDS CORNER!!!!
> GIBS EVERYWHERE ptsd.jpg
> hide next to oxy tank
> take wrench, wrench down tank, turn on heater.
> impaled in almost every limb
> firefighter ripleys still alive comes over joins me

FORGOTNAME was NIGGLES THE CLOWN the traitor

Objective #1: Steal jetpack SUCCESS
Objective #2: Kill Tom Simmons FAILED
Objective #3: Die heroically SUCCESS