Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:03 pm #246057

Bottom post of the previous page:

Kill all lizards

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:07 pm #246058

So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

Post by **delaron** » Fri Jan 20, 2017 4:49 pm #246076

MimicFaux wrote:So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

Such original! Must teach ways.

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Sat Jan 21, 2017 1:01 am #246290

MimicFaux wrote:So this one time, as a clown, I slipped the captain and THEN pied him in the face. Haha, so great.
Back on topic.

A clown tried to slip me when I was an officer once so I grabbed his PDA and beat him to fucking death because he's a clown

Spoiler:

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:01 am #246330

firecage wrote:

Nobody likes you, faggot.

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Sat Jan 21, 2017 4:57 am #246337

Weepo wrote:
firecage wrote:
Nobody likes you, faggot.

don't cut yourself there

confused rock · Sun Jan 22, 2017 3:39 am

Qbopper wrote:
Weepo wrote:
firecage wrote:
Nobody likes you, faggot.
don't cut yourself there

Post by **Armhulen** » Sun Jan 22, 2017 5:31 am #246597

confused rock wrote:
Qbopper wrote:
Weepo wrote:
firecage wrote:
Nobody likes you, faggot.
don't cut yourself there

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sun Jan 22, 2017 5:45 am #246601

Weepo wrote:
firecage wrote:

Nobody likes you, faggot.

this is actually reasonably true but people like an angry guy in the awesome thread even less

firecage · Post by **firecage** » Sun Jan 22, 2017 8:49 am #246635

Packs, don't mind Weepo. He does afterall bear a massive grudge against me for the past few months or the past year. And I don't even know why.

confused rock · Sun Jan 22, 2017 2:44 pm

IcePacks wrote:
Weepo wrote:
firecage wrote:

Nobody likes you, faggot.
this is actually reasonably true but people like an angry guy in the awesome thread even less

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:38 am #246795

maybe not that cool but it was a lot of fun for me, the very first round I played I was in a similar situation (pirate breaking into vault with a crew of greys, etc.)

made me feel warm and fuzzy

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 4:41 am #246813

I was there that round! I had a pretty mediocre traitor round and arrived at escape ready to get my greentext so I can finally cum, than as the shuttle arrives, like the very microinstant the shuttle counter hits 0 the Captain or someone buys the asteroid shuttle! Escape is instantly destroyed and my body obliterated... A captain announcement pings: PRANKED!

That was fucking quality pranks.

confused rock · Mon Jan 23, 2017 7:50 am

>first round back as cis white male warden
>wizard
>load up with a riot shotgun filled with buckshot and a rapid syringe gun with the 5 lethal injection syringes
>wizard has a staff of animation and an artificer
>he comes to brig
>shoot harvester with shotgun
>it lives
>shoot wizard with 2 syringes
>1 hits
>shoot harvester again
>it ded
>wizard passes out
>win

how has nobody tried that before

Limey · Post by **Limey** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 8:30 am #246848

had a round ages ago where I got mid-round antag, my objective was to kill the chemist and die a glorious death. cue evacuation, and ended up in an escape pod with two other dudes (one of us had to rest in order to fit us in).

then comes two mechs demanding space on the pod, as if it wasn't crammed enough before. during all this shuffling, I bought two mini-bombs since, fuck, might as well complete at least ONE of my objectives, right?

so during transit, I announced my desire to die, primed both bombs, and as luck would have it, one of the other guys in there had a bunch of black powder on him.

there was nothing left of the pod by the time it arrived at centcomm. and my target died aswell sometime during evacuation, so I greentexted.

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 9:14 am #246850

So I'm chilling in robotics during a rare round where every scientific department is manned and accounted for, its rare that I get moments like this as a research director.

Anyway the clown runs in and demands an igniter be implanted inside him and of course I accept outright but I tell him he needs to get it an activation method. While the clown is off making a timer and igniter assembly the mime breaks in, now I'm generally not a validhunter but this mime was a big red flag, plus he was shittalking me through the PDA when I told him to leave, plus his name was Fury which means he's a total shithead so I'm like 'fuck it' and prepare to stand my ground, I got him cablecuffed and attempt to throw him down the disposals but he leaps out before it can cycle and so I just do the boring thing and stab him in the eyes to death.

The clown returns, now half way through the surgery he has an idea, why not put the Mime's brain in an MMI and insert it into his chest?

"What like Krang?"

I fucking lol and of course being a mad scientist accept and so with the speed of a practiced surgeon, hampered only by the fact the incise action is bugged at the moment I insert the MMI of fury into the clown's chest, he shittalks me and figures out he can talk on the radio while the clown mime abomination Krang dresses up in a combo of both their clothes.

Flash forward to the shuttle the Krang-clown arrives and so do I. I dodge the usual shuttle shenanigans and try my best to sit and blind people with a laser pointer from my seat, but once the shuttle ride begins the krang clown pulls out a double eblade and gets to hackin' and whackin' and smackin' while the disembodied voice of fury cackles and laughs... Turns out he was a traitor and furthermore all his gear was in his parcel parceux, I didn't search it throughly. The mime's brain-voice had flipped the poor innocent clown into a killin' villain and the pair were slicing up everyone.

"I created you!" I wailed as I attempted to baton him, this time futilely "Kill him~!" wailed the voice of Fury as the clown chopped my hams to ribbons.

TL:DR,

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:03 pm #246873

hold on, you killed the mime because he was being a shit? I'm not sure I'm following how you went from "dunk the mime down disposals" to "eye stabbing"

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 1:48 pm #246879

let it be

just like how nature documentary crews do not help the animal being viciously dragged underwater by a crocodile, so you also must not interfere with shenanigans posted itt

Limey · Post by **Limey** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:01 pm #246883

What if you're the Steve Irwin of Space Station 13? Wrestle those griffs.

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 2:07 pm #246886

right i'll remind myself to first buildmode toss around the next griefer I see in game instead of bwoinking him and narrate with centcom reports about a wild griff spotted in the wild, will do

I just tossed around someone for spamming but it wasn't thematically appropriate to do the voice over so next time

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Mon Jan 23, 2017 6:35 pm #246973

imblyings wrote:let it be

just like how nature documentary crews do not help the animal being viciously dragged underwater by a crocodile, so you also must not interfere with shenanigans posted itt

I wasn't asking from a "am admin iban he" perspective, i was just fucking confused and didn't know if I missed something or not

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Tue Jan 24, 2017 2:55 am #247194

The dude had a bunch of bloody knives and shit in his pockets and was guilty of being a mime, being fury, talking and most unforgivably not taking a fucking out when I give it. Brotip if you're caught out after breaking in some place, cuffed and than your captor decides to throw you down the bin rather than give you to the cops and you're a traitor... just take the out? Its not like he couldn't pop the cuffs and smash his way out of disposals. Even if fury is pondscum poured into the skin of a human being I didn't wanna end his traitor round but at a certain point its ironically my hands that are tied.

Screemonster · Tue Jan 24, 2017 9:06 am

gotta agree with weepo there, if someone's gracious enough to send you packing after they smack your ass down in their workplace and you don't get gone and stay gone, you're opening yourself up for whatever they feel is necessary to be rid of you

Sat Jan 28, 2017 4:25 am

>killin dudes as a traitor HoP, subtle enough that i dont get caught but still lots of kills
>one dude in a space suit chased me into space at escape with an axe, kill his ass and space him
>accidentally space my telebaton in the process
>several units of time later
>murdering dudes
>guy in similar space suit with an axe and a telebaton appears later
>start beating his ass again with his own axe that i disarm
>doctor comes to help him and grabs the telebaton, but i murder the doctor
>he runs a bit off screen and comes back with changeling armor and shit
>ohhh that's how he came back from space
>kick his ass some more, eventually slip and cuff him with a humiliating soap throw
>drag him to kitchen to gibber room, bump into an engineer in there and kill him too
>tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:17 am #248686

PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h

Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 5:19 am #248687

yeah that's low, man

Qbopper · Post by **Qbopper** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:31 am #248721

calzilla1 wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h
Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

I'll admit I laughed at the story

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 11:46 am #248741

calzilla1 wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote: >tell him, "if you say "I'm fuckin gay" i'll let you go"
>he says it
>gib him anyways

d e v i l i s h
Behold, the cancer that is killing the server

I can't believe I find myself agreeing with this man.

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 6:59 pm #248813

This has a bit of rage too but what ever
>Engineer
>u r teh tator
>hijack the shuttle
>fml
>flip a coin between admeme trades or bundle
>tails:bundle
>screwed, how fitting
>well it's time to be the proactive traitor!
>bomb cloning
>take out power and comms
>fucking gib the captain
>release tesla and un wrench grounding rod
>raid armory
>kill the straglers
>wall off shuttle
>all alone
>"now, let me talk about my dunkachinos"
>server freezes
>what
>refresh multiple time
>restart without getting muh greenwords and salt
>fucking star fucks shut down the universe to prevent me from spreading the dunkachino

DemonFiren · Post by **DemonFiren** » Sat Jan 28, 2017 8:59 pm #248847

Oh, you were that faggot?
>bragging at the ghosts
deserved it tbh :^)

Sweets · Post by **Sweets** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:09 am #249037

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

Post by **Armhulen** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 6:20 am #249040

Sweets wrote:

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

COMMUNIST CHANGELING!!

calzilla1 · Post by **calzilla1** » Sun Jan 29, 2017 8:20 am #249058

Sweets wrote:

WE ARE BREAKING THE CONDITIONING FOLKS.

MY TEAM MATES WERE SO FUCKING RETARDED AAAAAAAAAA

Steelpoint · Post by **Steelpoint** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 1:16 pm #251298

I joined a low pop round on Sybil as the (box)station was being evacuated. Upon my arrival I'm greeted by the slurred words of... someone, over the comms. Nothing but garbled text that vaguely indicated the word 'Captains Room'. I run by the bridge to discover its on lockdown and the evacuation is less than ten minutes out. I see piles of blood as some poor person was dragged to a ill fated demise.

With no answer over the security or command channels I make my way to the brig, fortunately it appears no one has assailed the brig and its intact. I carefully but quickly equip myself with a standard loadout, but I take care to grab a Riot Shotgun from the armoury, saw it off and load up on lethal shells, I like to keep one handy for close encounters.

I return to the bridge to assess the situation, disturbingly as I return to the main north hallway I discover the entire area has been coated in spray paint, considering how short my stay in the brig was I knew the perpetrator could not be far. Nonetheless I inspect the bridge area and discover the entire command area is in lockdown, all entrances from the HoP's office to the Teleporter room are bolted shut.

I also catch a glimpse of someone wearing a clown uniform run by, but I'm unable to catch up to the person.

-----

I decide to attempt to create my own entrance and head straight to engineering and commandeer a toolbox and a set of insulated gloves, while engineering appears abandoned I do see that someone set up the Tesla engine. I return to the teleportation area and hack the nearby side entrance to force my way in.

However my attempts are waylayed when the evacuation shuttle arrives, while I continue on the task of entering the teleporter room I suddenly notice someone is attempting to force launch the shuttle! I drop the toolbox and sprint to the escape hallway. As I reach the entrance to the shuttle I notice the same Clown I saw earlier, but to my horror he attempts to throw a banana peel at me to slip me into space, I barely manage to dodge the peel and skid to a halt inside the shuttle. The Clown retreats northward as the shuttle departs and I'm flung to the floor.

As I attempt to recover my standing another man appears from the cockpit, he holds the symbol of captain ship but my heads up display shows no evidence of a mindshield implant. My suspicions are immediately confirmed when this man unsheathes a double energy sword and makes a lunge for my exposed throat!

-----

I barely am able to recover my standing and pull back from the traitor. Realising my standard energy weapons would be ineffective my attacker moves in for the kill, however I surprise my attacker by pulling out my sawed off Riot Shotgun, a point blank hit from my shotgun forces my attacker to assume a defensive posture as a game of cat and mouse ensures.

The glass laded hallways of the shuttle prove difficult to surmount as my shotgun pellets keep striking the glass and not my target, its clear the traitor is baiting me to expend my limited ballistic arsenal but I have no choice but to keep up the attack lest he take the initiative.

The traitor takes cover in the shuttles brig as I expend the last of my ammunition. In response the traitor steps out but I respond with a flashbang, yet amazingly the traitor is able to grab my flashbang and disarm it before detonation!

I follow up with additional flashbangs but he continues to evade them via ducking into the cockpit, and he and the Clown work to block my flashbangs from entering the cockpit via their using their bodies as physical shields.

I make a critical error and stay too close to the cockpit entry while attempting to lob a flashbang in, the traitor exploits this and lunges at me, in one fell swoop he hacks off my leg as I retreat southward!

In agony I retreat to the upper western public entrance, slowed and in pain the traitor moves in for the kill. Disarmed, slowed and in a panic I'm seconds from my demise as the traitor is a mere two steps from claiming my head as a trophy.

But I have him right where I want him.

I withdraw my pepper spray and fire, the traitor is caught unprepared and goes down. I immediately withdraw my multiphase energy gun and open fire on the stunned traitor. Only being able to utter a desperate "OH NO". I gun down the traitor where he lies.

I proceed to confiscate his double energy sword and move to execute his helpless Clown accomplice.

I relax and bask in my survival.

It may not be the most glamours tale of awesome, but a tale of survival is always one worth reading.

imblyings · Post by **imblyings** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 1:49 pm #251305

Good read

Almost out of an action movie

killerx09 · Post by **killerx09** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 3:29 pm #251323

On another server, an admin made me as a sentient banana peel at one potency.

Lots of people was slipped, lots of stuff was dropped and not a lot of people able to click that tiny banana peel.

Munchlax · Post by **Munchlax** » Fri Feb 03, 2017 8:46 pm #251458

Steelpoint wrote:snip

good story, good storytelling

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 1:48 am #251573

PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker

no honor

Sat Feb 04, 2017 3:12 am

IcePacks wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker
no honor

traitor hop lauser is chaotic evil he needs no honor except for when he wants
part 2 of the story actually went like this though
>after ling is gibbed realize ive been cryostung multiple times throughout the whole exchange with him
>freezing to death
>stagger out of bar and see passerby in captains hardsuit
>call for help saying ive been cryostung
>he rushes me to medbay and heals me up
>thank him and consider backstabbing him
>dont backstab him because i actually am thankful he helped me
a n g e l i c

Post by **Armhulen** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:55 am #251629

PKPenguin321 wrote:
IcePacks wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:poussaint fucker
no honor
traitor hop lauser is chaotic evil he needs no honor except for when he wants
part 2 of the story actually went like this though
>after ling is gibbed realize ive been cryostung multiple times throughout the whole exchange with him
>freezing to death
>stagger out of bar and see passerby in captains hardsuit
>call for help saying ive been cryostung
>he rushes me to medbay and heals me up
>thank him and consider backstabbing him
>dont backstab him because i actually am thankful he helped me
a n g e l i c

you can't just switch sides like it's some kind of GAME!??

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 5:59 am #251632

>ayyyy
>try to get kor to be my brother in ayyyy
>get some unrobust slut instead
>they're trying to act all cute and shit
>gross
>abduct two fuckers
>unrobust fucker gets wasted by russel talbott with a fucking sniper rifle
>fear rifle
>steal medkits
>confused doctor watches me poof in and out
>save my fellow ayyy
>risky brig raid
>fellow ayyy is fucking wasted instantly
>escape with my recall implant
>everything is fucked up
>stumble into genetics, prepared to end my life
>discover unrobust lizard
>chokeslam him into all the glass tables and throw a few glass shards at him for good measure
>mark him
>recall
>save his life
>he's talking shit
>experiment on him
>saw off his legs
>send him to the station
>at this point the station is a hellhole
>buy a baton with robust ayyy points
>abduct some fucker
>experiment
>spider gland
>send him on his way
>abduct some other faggot
>rob robinson watches
>get my last abductee
>flame gland
>rob is screaming for me to rescue him
>try
>armed mob confusedly runs into the chapel, waves guns at me
>take the mime because he's interrupting the rescue
>jam whatever in him
>take his head because fuck you mime you're here for light entertainment
>come back and grab rob
>abduct him
>he's a ling
>i finally have a competent operative to aid my one-man war on humankind
>ride my ufo into the sunset

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:13 pm #251851

two stories

>box assistant
>you are the tator
>do somethingsomething yeah no
>buy pizza bombs
>set each to blow after one second
>put them on the floor in high-traffic areas
>keep one for myself
>hear booms after a bit
>gibs and holes
>[youtube]7upgaUAcjbc[/youtube]
>see captain zoe ramos
>hey captain i got the pizza you ordered
>she walks a good distance away
>"its customary that the pizza boy opens it first"
>remember i pulled this on her in an earlier round
>fuck
>ALLAHUUUUUUUUUU
>fail to suicide bomb
>gibbed
>zoe makes an announcement that the pizza boy exploded and that we need a replacement
>F1 ADMINS LETS DO IT
>they okay it
>spawn in centcomm as "not jonathan talist the second"
>fake moustache
>delivery uniform and hat
>admins spawn pizzas
>centcomm announces pizza arrival
>get headset
>uh yeah i got some pizzas here for a, uh...moe camos?
>cap comes by
>"yeah thats me"
>oh great, that'l be $xxx plus tip
>she leaves and comes back with a bag o dosh
>"keep the change"
>neat, you want these delivered?
>"yeah to the library"
>slap the pizzas in a crate and deliver them
>ligger reading erotica in my shuttle got bsa'd so centcomm announces ill need a suit
>cap lets me borrow theirs
>promise to send it back via space amazon
>go back to centcomm and suicide
>admins spawn the suit back in the office with a "space amazon delivery update"
>"what a nice delivery boy"

shout out to pkp for making my memes come true

>assistant box
>go around and grab all my usual roundstart shit
>going in maint like always when a guy flashes me for revs
>great.
>get made rev leader
>greeeeeeeeeeeeat.
>guy stresses he wants stealth
>yeah sure bud whatever, we're fucked anyway
>finish getting my shit, decide to make a pneumatic canon for attempting assassinations
>manage to flash the clown and botanist lola cobblestone, but the halls are practically empty and a bunch of people have eye protection for some reason
>yeah we're fucked
>time to allahu
>break into hop office and fire canon point blank
>try to finish off with welder but hop baton/smash chains me to death
>yeah i saw that coming
>go aft but hear revive sound
>getting borged
>hop tells me this is a second chance
>fuckyou.darkholme
>talistron activated
>...still have headrev objectives
>ahelp if im still supposed to try and kill heads
>they tell me to hold on
>scoot up to rd
>for some reason i really wanna kill you, rd
>"uhhhhhh"
>ask if i can disassemble borg console
>says its ok
>do some and hide board
>admins get back to me and tell me its probably a bug and to ignore rev laws
>well great all that work for nuffin
>scoot around a bit
>lola calls me into botany
>tells me to open cover
>sec officer comes by and says not to and to leave
>k whatever
>pass by the officer as he's talking on sec radio about how borgs might be rogue
>putter a bit when i get law two'd back to botany
>what are you even trying to do
>lola takes out battery, figure she's gonna try and potato battery me
>nope complete disassembly
>takes my brain out and opens closet
>its my corpse
>shoves my brain back into my body and then into a plant person pod
>reborn, still have rev objectives
>nice meme, lola
>grab all my shit again and decide to just allahu again
>waltz into medbay, see cmo
>"oh hey jonathan didnt expect to see you again"
>yeah me neither BUTDIDYOUEXPECTTHIS
>canon to face
>try to finish with crowbar but just end up with a bunch of tiles because unrobust
>start throwing tiles
>limps into chemistry, i follow
>chemist just watches
>cmo finally goes down, i drag over to viro to strip
>chemist walks up and watches and then just goes away
>uh okay
>finish stripping, drag body out of medbay
>warden runs past
>OHFUCK
>he keeps going
>uh okay
>hide body in maint
>at this point the crew has been trying to figure out what happened to the borg (read: me) and thinks the ai is malf due to the console and whatnot
>cap makes announcement to go kill it
>catch him in engineering foyer
>cap ill come with you!
>"oh okay th-"
>canon'd
>he shouts over radio before i manage to steal his baton and stun him
>drag him into maint, but an engi saw me and gives chase
>yakkety through maint, desperately juggling running, stunning, and beating the cap
>cap stood up many times and could have gotten away but just stands there and waits for baton while yelling over radio
>finally get him to crit
>engi still hot on my ass
>drop soap, he slips
>awkwardly fumble to try and kill him
>he stands up
>FU-
>"nice"
>he walks off
>uh okay
>strip cap's body and start looking for a spot to hide it
>space-time vortexes appear, i try to walk carefully but one swallows the cap's body
>FUCK please be somewhere obscure
>despite my best efforts accidentally walk into one
>teleported around a bit before i finally get to the maint between science and genetics
>hack into robotics where i find the rev clown and the rd making a honk mech
>h-hi rd
>"hi jonathan"
>notice they're already burned for some reason
>one canon shot crits, finish her quickly
>round ends
>wot
>apparently the hop got teleported to the n20 container in atmos and died
>tfw killed 3 heads in stealthmode for the round win

wouldnt have happened without memelstone, you da real mvp

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sat Feb 04, 2017 8:30 pm #251860

> Latejoin scientist
> I wonder if science has actually accomplished anything.
> Holy shit, they did. They've just built a functional telescience, and I think they're about to use it for the first time.
> Ligger scientist wants to be teleported... Somewhere.
> After he inputs the data, he asks us to do the honors.
> Also, to teleport him back immediately if he screams.
> Honestly tell him that I hope he'll die out there and teleport him.
> Wait for him to say something over the radio.
> Nothing.
> Try to teleport him back, but nothing appears on the telepad.
> Me and his partner continue trying to beam him back a few times - we get a few metal sheets and a watcher that way.
> After killing the watcher with a toolbox, we decide that we need to replicate the experiment.
> While ligger's partner stands on the telepad, curious captain and detective come by to check what the nerds are doing.
> Teleport lizard's partner and, once again, wait for response.
> Nothing.
> Trying to beam him back produces zero results.
> Captain wordlessly stands on the telepad and looks at me.
> Beam him there as well.
> Almost immediately try to beam him back.
> No results.
> At this point, curiosity is absolutely killing me. What IS THERE on the other side?
> Why other scientists wanted to get there so badly?
> Why none of the guys we've sent there spoke over the radio? Is radio dead over there? Are they dead themselves?
> I stand on the telepad myself and teleport myself after them.
> The very first thing I see is a Collossus, surrounded by bones of his victims.
> Oh f-
> Die immediately.
> Almost immediately after I die, the detective follows me and also dies.
> Then - some assistant in a EVA suit.
> And then it just goes on.

Overall, SCIENCE killed about ten people and it was hilarious.

AnonymousNow · Sat Feb 04, 2017 9:04 pm

Deitus wrote:~

I was that HoP. I was pretty salty about that teleport, since I was tiptoeing around the station and by the time I saw the warp I was already out cold and suffocating (it must've literally appeared the frame I walked into it).

Ah well. Have a short story.

>Be BLUE, HEROIC CYBORG
>Use the new voice module technique to switch modules on the fly (so worth doing this BTW)
>Wizard appears, but there's something wrong.
>They're a skeleton/lich, stumbling around in full robes, confused.
>Apparently the wizard already mindswapped to another crewman. There's a crowd of people around the former wizard, but they're non-violent, because they know that this is a fellow crewman who is co-operating and removing the wizard's robes.
>Head of security listens to the chat about this, stares at the crewman for a good ten seconds, then promptly stuns them, drags them to the incinerator and dusts them without a word
>Half the crew is shouting at her; she responds with "KEK i was 2busy killin teh wizard to care bouts chats"
>Technically she didn't kill a human, yet, but with the wizard onboard hidden amongst the crew she now could toast anyone else at a moment's notice.

>Realise that the Head of Security is this round's antagonist, and that I am the crew's salvation.

>The HoS is not the worst I've seen, but they're clearly ignoring whatever doesn't let them validhunt and getting stuck in with both hands.
>Thanks to crew monitors, I find and rescue someone that they were batonning to death for mild tiding.
>This escalates to moderate tiding in retaliation, which I manage to negotiate back down to mild tiding.
>This happens repeatedly until the HoS utilises an opportunity - a bombed armoury - to space them.
>Now that it can be certain that the Head of Security has killed more people than the Wizard, and is flagrantly doing it in front of silicons, I try my best to capture the head of security.
>Meanwhile the station is falling apart, as the HoS has been so busy focusing on validhunting specific people that they haven't stopped actual attacks.
>Save at least half a dozen people from breaches, healing, repairing etc.
>I don't think I went above 3000 power in the last half an hour of the round, as every time I went to charge, something (usually the HoS) would be causing harm again. It was seat-of-your-trousers, balls-to-the-wall, all the time.
>Despite my efforts with tiretoxin, Beepsky, RCDing the incinerator, cablecuffs and so on, I couldn't capture the HoS, but I managed to keep her from killing anyone else that round
>And throughout all this, the HoS remained hauntingly silent other to make the occasional mocking comment towards someone they've injured or killed.

I made mostly shutting down a shitler HoS my mission, and it was worth it.

Weepo · Post by **Weepo** » Mon Feb 06, 2017 1:07 pm #252504

This is an old one I probably should have wrote up on the day but I still remember most of it.

>Just had a fuckawful clock cult round, really boring, everyone got culted and nothing fun really happened.
>next round
>roboticist, start making salty anti-clock cult named cleanbots and generally spreading anti ratvarian sentiment.
>AI Chimes up about a tinkers thingo
>Oh holy shit its happening

>Admin spawns tons of American flags in dorms, patriotism and pride flares up immediately and soon all of science is wearing the red white and blue!
>science gets together and we all vow to protect one and other from cultists
>declare ourselves enemies of Ratvar and vow to keep the scourge out

>turns out, this is more difficult than we envisioned, pretty soon the shutters are up and the whole station is falling to the cult's influence.
>Every department of science is turned feral, we print off weapons from R&D, I aug the RD and have one of my arms replaced with a chainsaw, we have medbots.

>We repel small skirmishing teams of cultists a few times, they come in through the experimentor maint (on box) a few times, but eventually a scientist is taken and so me and one other scientist vow to get them back, me with my chainsaw hand and he with a fireaxe we got from a marauding atmos tech, we thunder down the hall and follow the cultists past medbay, down the hall and through the maint next to janitors where they hit a snag, none of them had access to the surgical room
>me and my fellow scientist personally slaughter four cultists while they pitifully try converting any one of us in the close quarters, their dumb confusing powers are too clunky compared to the simplistic might of a fireaxe and a chainsaw, (plus they got confused because of all the rat icons above our heads thanks to the deads) and we wind up killing them all, I take the brains to make sure the dirty rats can't clone.

>Full and rousing success, we return with new weapons and much joy, pumped up on murder frenzy and having depleted the cult's numbers. Me and the original scientist make another foray into the halls and this time things go south, they were preparing their biggest assault this time, I manage to maim a mime before I get tased and my legs cut off, I attack anyone who comes into conversion range from my position on the floor till they eventually relent and kill me.

>But xenobio was doing /work/, I spawn again as an adamantium golem... My directive?: KILL EVERY CULTIST.
>WITH PLEASURE FRIEND
>Some time had elapsed since I last lived however and things were crazy, the captain was a rat alongside the rest of them. Emerging from xenobio with KILL EVERY CULTIST I encountered a miner and began to assault him, his pitiful plasmacutter did nothing to my rocky hide, he was a cultist and I knew it however he'd been assisting science as per his job anyhow. Eventually the science team found the best way to deploy my homicidal urges to best effect was to throw me down disposals.
>smashing my way out of cargo with a cry of 'KILL ALL CULTISTS' I found my old corpse and retreived the most important thing, my red white and blue colors. From the dead I also found a riot shield and a HOLY CLAYMORE, a much more robust weapon to deal with cultists.
>Into medbay I walked, by now the ground was slick with gore and the shuttle had been called.
>the captain, the mime and two other cultists emerge from the medbay, apparently having been repelled by science according to the radio chatter. Cultists all, I raised my blade and set to work, my sheild deflecting some blows as I sworded the mime's leg off in a single mighty blow.
>I killed them all. Sword to laser, sword to evil magic, my claymore protected me through all of it and I cut down the evil commander and his cronies with cruel cuts. I was wounded, low on energy but I had won.

>turns out, that was the last of the cult. They had converted everyone else and science had cut them all down to a man, their pathetic cause was beaten and science stood triumphant. I slaughtered the miner cultist on the way back home despite the protests of the science team, but I proved just to my directives.
>KILL ALL CULTISTS.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 3:36 pm #253526

Tales from spaaaaace!

New game modes are rare. And usually bring something fresh and interesting to the usual round. One of these, is the Clock Cult. Magical steampunk fanatics in spess, the cult of Ratvar seeks to free their elder god from his ancient prison.
Positioned to be mortal enemies with the blood cult of Nar'Sie, the clock cult has the same idea of force convert the crew, summon Cthulhu equivalent. The different is that instead of blood and sacrifice, the clocks focus more on base building. Converting portions of the station itself to their side. The shiny brass contraptions with their structures and walls of a clock cult are unmistakable, and can be difficult to conceal once the base grows past a certain point. Often this is the rallying point of the crew.

But this story isn't so much about them, although they are important in it's telling. This story is about another role in space Station 13. A much older role. Swarmers.
Small, crab like robots, these little guys appear as a random event where one dead player will respawn as the initial swarmer. They will then try to consume any nearby materials. Be it a forgotten toolbox. A chair or table. Perhaps that bank of computer consoles? Or just the whole dang wall! Swarmers will eat everything in their immediate surroundings and once they fill up ok enough resources, they will replicate themselves. Making an empty shell for another ghost to inhabit or for themselves if they should die. Now there are two swarmers. And then four. Then eight... you begin to see where this is going. Sometimes a swarmers is too greedy, or careless. Perhaps just unlucky. And is discovered and destroyed before it gets out of control. But if the crew is distracted with say... fighting a bunch of brass cultists. The swarmers would be free to multiply in peace.

What happened next was magical to watch. Swarmers and clock cultists had never really existed alongside one another in any serious capacity. Blood cult maybe, but they don't really build anything. With the new game mode of clock cult, came new code introduced to the game. Code that didn't account for the much older, pre existing swarmers. After eating out much of the station maintenance tunnels, the swarm eventually discovered one of the cultists smaller bases and to their surprise they couldn't eat the brass walls! Sure, they could dismantle them, as they were coded as structures like anything else. But the raw material could not be consumed! The swarmers began to debate and chitter with one another over what this meant. They were guided by the guiding principles of consume and reproduce. Clock cultists, ultimately want to summon their god, who upon entering the mortal plane sends out a wave of golden energy that ripples across the entire station converting it into brass. While it looks cool, this meant nothing would be left for them to eat! So when the alert went out that the clock cult had begun to open the portal, the swarmers had collectively decided that to preserve their mission, they must destroy the portal!

This was exceptionally funny because swarmers don't have weapons. They had a little energy pea shooter that drains your stamina a little, and an electric touch that does the same. Beyond that they can channel a teleport effect on downed targets, and eat things. That's it.

The clock cult, being a bunch of base builders had walls, protective glyphs, turrets, and a number of weapons scavenged from the station itself. On top of all that, they had fortified the AIs satellite as their primary base for summoning ratvar. Remote, and highly defensible. The swarmers did what they did best and converged on the ritual site when a war weary crew were too beaten up and exhausted to continue opposing them. The swarmers gnawed at walls, chipped away at turrets, and died by the droves. But there was still an entire station of metal fuelling reinforcements. Clockwork Cults, unlike blood cults, can also convert cyborgs to their side. Something that swarmers stamina based weapons do absolutely nothing against! But the little bastards were persistent; in the face of invulnerable robo-enemies and layers and layers of defensives. They filtered through the cracks as best they could and darting between the legs of angry cultists, would take a stab at the portal before succumbing to damage. But more were coming. Always coming.

The cultists were whipped into a frenzy trying to repel the tiny invaders. Putting up more doors and locks as fast as they were being torn down. Eventually, under the tide of hungry little mites, the portal buckled and collapsed on itself and the swarmers cheered in victory before returning to their eating. The crew left puzzled over exactly what the heck happened since. One of them were in any fighting shape to stop the cult.
Disheartened but not giving up, the cult regrouped, sealed the breaches and tried again.

Encouraged by their previous victory the swarmers ate and ate to swell their numbers and went at it a second time, and a second time, the previously 'annoying but harmless' swarmers toppled the portal. By this point the crew had managed to call the shuttle to evacuate and many of the cultists killed themselves out of frustration at being defeated like this.

No one expected them to win, but win they did! Later, the coder responsible for the clock cult made some tweaks. Brass was not. It only edible to swarmers, but delicious! Granting almost double the usual materials. This buff was offset by no longer being able to attack the portal itself. As 'this strange device is duplicating resources!' A fair trade and a good story of the old and new coming together in unexpected ways aboard space Station 13!

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 5:26 pm #253563

>coder responsible for clock cult
>people have already forgotten about me

REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

That's actually really cool, though. I'm going to link that story next time someone asks me to explain the game to them.

MimicFaux · Post by **MimicFaux** » Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:04 pm #253615

Xhius, I thought specifically of you when I wrote that line. "Do I write currently responsible? Largely? Adopted? I opted for the generic line because the story was about swarmers and clock cults, not who filed the patent on CC ^-^;
But I'm glad you think it's good enough share! I try to write those stories so that people without prior experience can get something out of them. I'll be sure to post more!

confused rock · Thu Feb 09, 2017 7:27 pm

I can't hold you responsible xhuis its not your fault its a shitfest

Xhuis · Post by **Xhuis** » Fri Feb 10, 2017 3:42 am #253828

Just had this round on Bagil. I admire MimicFaux's style but I've always done best in greentext.

>be me
>chaplain, wilson stockwell
>preacher of the Art of the Artistic
>deity: His Grace
>give a quick sermon to His Grace and go to get maintenance access
>(I'm hoping to find a normal artistic toolbox from random spawns)
>get it and scout out maintenance
>about to give up when I see one
>send a graceful blessing to His Grace and bring it back to the chapel
>spend the next few minutes drawing elaborate wire art and putting down and lighting some candles
>begin a prayer to His Grace
>finish it...
>...smitten by the gods
>it was not sufficient
>hear a voice: "oh did you say BOON? I thought you said BOOM"
>thanks Grace, you're a swell guy
>the altar must be prepared further
>thinking of how to proceed when a security officer comes in
>uh oh
>"wait, are you trying to summon his grace?"
>"yes..."
>"I am SO down"
>good, a friend
>we go to medbay to get organs for the altar
>I get an appendectomy and head back to the chapel
>an explosion happens less than five seconds later
>officer dropped off a corpse while I was away
>pda him, no response
>can't make a toolbox without breaking a few eggs
>all I have is an appendix
>pondering where to proceed when an assistant in a schoolgirl outfit stumbles in
>bleeding profusely and close to death, with a shard, rod, and pen embedded in her
>"remember me, please..."
>"his grace shall heal you"
>chain of healing hits
>"wait what the hell? well, thanks!"
>pulls all the shit out of her
>hm...
>set up the embedded objects around the altar
>they have experienced blood, agony, and fear
>perfect offerings
>it's missing something...
>the body
>grab my metastation soul shard and swipe its shade
>have it sit in a chair opposite me
>light the candles
>begin chanting the ritual
>several prayers, with no response
>interrupted several times by zombie incinerations and spacings
>the zombies are a threat, surely that may help?
>i slice my wrist open with the null rod
>two others show up
>they chant with me in unison
>the candles suddenly go out
>"What is it you desire, servant?"
>beg for a true image
>a true manifestation of
>His Grace
>"Hm. Allow me to mull this over."
>i take a vow of silence
>i wait
>below me, a toolbox appears
>it is His Grace
>i stand
>we need organs
>we have two: my appendix and the heart from the chaplain closet
>me and my twisted congregation go on the hunt, with the cook offering his life at every turn
>we find a mime in deep crit
>finish him off
>cook and I go to down
>his organs spill out
>heart, lungs, appendix
>lungs are too big
>cook frantically hacks off the head and retrieves the brain
>someone screams
>singulo is headed our way
>"No."
>activate His Grace
>it begins to shake
>"Do not worry."
>"His Grace will protect us."'
>HIS GRACE THIRSTS FOR BLOOD
>he cometh to shield us
>the singularity never comes
>but His Grace hungers for flesh
>its thirst must be sated
>first, it consumes the mime's corpse
>bloodlust begins to overcome me after a short time
>the cook falls to his knees
>i split open his skull with His Grace
>phoebe lotsu is antsy about the whole thing and has a shotgun but is not interfering
>His Grace is sated... for now
>the cmo offers himself when the time must come
>thirty seconds left until shuttle, and already it must feed again
>the cmo joins the corpses within
>the shuttle arrives but His Grace is very, very hungry
>i drop it and flee
>it lunges at me, nearly killing me instantly
>after a few seconds... it returns to slumber, and is safe again
>His Grace has shielded me
>i must give it the ultimate sacrifice of my flesh and blood
>pray again, for a collection of organs to awaken it
>"You test my patience."
>five hearts spawn
>quickly stuff them in and attempt to awaken it
>it's not working
>wth fucking space lag
>varediting ensues and eventually an admin force-awakens it
>ten seconds left on the shuttle timer before round end
>"TAKE ME, THY GRACE!"
>five seconds
>it's not counting fast enough
>frantically ahelp to set the victims var to 100
>three seconds
>two seconds
>one second
>His Grace devours me alive
>shuttle arrival, round end
>His Grace has been fed
>praise be to His Grace

AnonymousNow · Fri Feb 10, 2017 5:39 am

Er, I was the CMO, and I stayed alive throughout that round, frantically healing people in the bombed-out medbay. You ate one of my doctors?