[DISCORD] CrudeWax AtomicSubmarine#6287 second appeal

[CrudeWax]

Discord username: AtomicSubmarine#6287
Commonly used names: CrudeWax
Banning admin: "The moderation team", as represented by timberpoles.
Ban reason: Continues to discuss topics such as childhood trauma and their own molestation despite previous warnings from Hulkamania not to do this. Also discusses their own mental health and urges relating to it as well as some of their own bigoted views on sexuality. These topics are not suited for our Discord and have made other users highly uncomfortable. The moderation team has decided to place a Discord ban as a result of this.
Time ban was placed: 10.02.22
Your side of the story: It is difficult to summarize but simply put it was a culmination/climax of a trend of me using polcon to taurmadump, to a point where during one night I slipped into especially dark and horryfing territory. The specific logs could be found in the previous ban appeal.
Why you think you should be unbanned: I grown to understand why the decidion made by the moderation team was ultimately for the better of the community, and that using a spessman server to discuss at length unresolved deeply disturbing psychological problems is toxic and immature.
I am not a bigot, never was. The evidence of it is based off very blunt jokes ("lesbians stealing my girlfriends" does not represent geniune hatred towards them). But I understand why those can be interpreted as such, and I will make an effort to further distingvish them from any remote perception of bigotry going forward.
I love the SS13 community, I have worked on related projects and would love to re-join TG as a more productive person. I promise to keep any sort of mental health discussions to a minimum, and only talk about sensitive topics productively.

[Timberpoes]

Your last appeal was not decided in your favour.

I'm not going to rehash everything. This post in particular viewtopic.php?p=629716#p629716 stands on its own merits and anyone interested in the history, context and nuance of this ban can read that.

I'm hesitant to remove a ban with internal opposition to it, especially when the subject matter you were banned for was genuinely disturbing and distressing in nature. And there's a lot of very strong voices telling me it's a bad idea.

Of particular highlight again were the length and breadth of your post history and post habits leading to the ban. It was just... Vile. Really bad stuff.

I think it's safe to say that in your very unique case the starting assumption is you shouldn't be unbanned unless there's some sort of proof, compelling story, cohesive narrative, evidence of genuine understanding or reform, some general breakthrough that shatters the mould. And I don't see that here.

Like, in reference to your "very blunt jokes"; searching your Discord ID plus the word "lesbian" (from:286502121585508352 lesbian) brings up 140 results of what can ostensibly be called either mental health issues, a total inability to read the room or just genuine bigotry. Over months of posting. That you're replying that you'll try to make it more obvious when your seemingly unhinged ranting is "lul I'm a pretend bigot" as opposed to "I'm an actual bigot" doesn't inspire me with confidence.

And I get that I didn't frame it in the most flattering light just above, but I think I needed that level of hyperbole to make my point really stand out.

As such, in the past year I don't think you've quite grasped the reason this ban was placed at all. And I don't think you're ready to return. So, I am denying this appeal.

Since I'm currently a headmin, that really limits the scope of appeal review. This term headmins can overturn the results of appeals on 2/3rds majority. Which means the other two headmins can group together to overrule me on this matter and overturn it.

Ultimately though - even putting all "I support my own ban biases" aside - if you couldn't convince me then I don't think you're going to convince both Misdoubtful and Kieth combined that you're fit and ready to return to the Discord yet. Historically I'm the bleeding heart admin that gives out second chances easily and readily. So I genuinely wouldn't hold your breath on that miracle.

[CrudeWax]

I understand the quite horryfing extend of my past behavior and seek to do better on it, and I understand what torrent of downright mentally ill ranting caused it. It was quite irresposible of me to surrogate a spessman server as a support group and I feel a rather sensible degree of shame and remorse over it.

I am not sure what proof of reform I can provide to substantiate my claim to a point of it being beliveable.