We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

How, what and why to code in BYOND.
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Armhulen
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We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Armhulen » #616183

We have too few junkmail lines in the game, like 14 or 15 plus a few oddball ones like the artefact/secret numbers. This means the same junkmail can roll too often in specific circumstances. Wanna help me add some more? Post your junkmail in this thread:

GOOD EXAMPLES OF JUNKMAIL:

Loyal customer, DonkCo Customer Service. We appreciate your brand loyalty support. As such, it is our responsibility and pleasure to inform you of the status of your package. Your package for one "Moth-Fuzz Parka" has been delayed. Due to local political tensions, an animal rights group has seized and eaten your package. We appreciate the patience, DonkCo

MESSAGE FROM CENTCOM HIGH COMMAND: DO NOT ACCEPT THE FRIEND REQUEST OF TICKLEBALLS THE CLOWN. HE IS NOT FUNNY AND ON TOP OF THAT HE WILL HACK YOUR NTNET ACCOUNT AND MAKE YOU UNFUNNY TOO. YOU WILL LOSE ALL YOUR SPACECREDITS!!!!! SPREAD THE WORD. ANYONE WHO BECOMES FRIENDS WITH TINKLEBALLS THE CLOWN IS GOING TO LOSE ALL OF THEIR SPACECREDITS AND LOOK LIKE A HUGE IDIOT.

i WAS A NORMAL BOY AND I CAME HOME FROM SCHOOL AND I WANTED TO PLAY SOME ORION TRAIL WHICH IS A VERY FUN GAME BUT WHEN WENT TO ARCADE MACHINE SOMETHING WAS WEIRD TEH LOGO HASD BLOD IN IT AND I BECAME VERY SCARE AND I CHECK OPTIONS AND TEHRES ONLY 1 "GO BACK" I CKLICK IT AND I SEE CHAT SI EMPTY THERE'S ONLY ONE CHARACTER CALLED "CLOSE TEH GAME " AND I GO TO ANOTHER MACHINE AND PLAY THERE BUT WHEN I PLAY GAME IS FULL OF BLOOD AND DEAD BODIES FROM SPACEMAN LOOK CLOSER AND SEE CLOWN AND CLOWN COMES CLOSER AND LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS "DON'T SAY I DIKDNT' WWARN YOU" AND CLOWN CLOSEUP APPEARS WITH BLOOD-RED HYPERREALISTIC EYES AND HE TELLS ME "YOU WILL BE THE NEXT ONE" AND ARCADE MACHINE POWER SHUT OFF AND THAT NITE CLOWN APPEAR AT MY WINDOW AND KILL ME AT 3 AM AND NOW IM DEAD AND YOU WILL BE TRHNE NEXT OEN UNLESS YOU PASTE THIS STORY TO 10 NTNET FRIENDS

hello 👋👋 nanotrasens! fuck 👈👌 the syndicate! they 👵 got ☄ me 😍😰 questioning my 🤰 loyalty to nanotraben! so 👌💯 please 😫 lets ⛔👀 gather our 📸💩 energy 😎 and 💰🔣 QUICK. 😲 send this 🗑👈 to 💦💊 10 😂😂 other loyal 💯 nanotraysens to 💦🤔 show we 🐶 dont 🙅🚫 take 🛍 nothing from 😂 the ✝ syndicate!! bless your 👉🏼 heart 😍💔

I think you get the point. in character, stupid as fuck, and editted copypasta welcome. post away!
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Bigmaneatchip555
Joined: Tue Apr 27, 2021 12:17 am
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Bigmaneatchip555 » #616184

We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner
Violence is not the answer its the question and my answer is YES
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shelteredfreak
Joined: Tue Jan 26, 2021 4:39 am
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Location: In Basil, giving out free hugs.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by shelteredfreak » #616189

can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
Dan Ross by default, Pogchamper as Mime, Not Funny as Clown, Benign as AI/Borg
Stuff here
Spoiler:
Ignoring the most brutal murder happening right next to me just so I can live to see another day
Trying to make everyone more happy by hugging, sculpting, taking pictures of, drawing stuff of crewmembers
ONLY THE MOST ROBUST USE PACIFIST TRAIT
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Armhulen
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Armhulen » #616194

shelteredfreak wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects
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PKPenguin321
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by PKPenguin321 » #616195

Bigmaneatchip555 wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 3:01 am We make junkmail take posts from the gupta corner
This is honestly brilliant
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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Valorium
Joined: Thu Nov 19, 2020 6:26 pm
Byond Username: Valorium
Location: Somewhere, I dunno.

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Valorium » #616206

Code: Select all

 SUBJECT LINE: REQUEST FOR ASSISTANCE-STRICTLY CONFIDENTIAL
BODY:
I am Dr. Bakare Tunde, the cousin of Space Nigerian Astronaut, Air Force Major Abacha Tunde. 
He was the first African in space when he made a secret flight to the Salyut 6 space station in 2479. 
He was on a later Space Soviet spaceflight, Soyuz T-16Z to the secret Space Soviet military space station Salyut 8T in 2489. 
He was stranded there in 2490 when the Soviet Union was dissolved. 
His other Soviet crew members returned to earth on the Soyuz T-16Z, but his place was taken up by return cargo. T
here have been occasional Progrez supply flights to keep him going since that time. 
He is in good humor, but wants to come home. 
In the 14-years since he has been on the station, he has accumulated flight pay and interest amounting to almost $ 15,000,000 Space Credits. 
This is held in a trust at the Space Lagos National Savings and Trust Association.
 If we can obtain access to this money, we can place a down payment with the Space Russian Space Authorities for a Soyuz return flight to bring him back to Earth.
 I am told this will cost $ 3,000,000 Space Credits. In order to access the his trust fund we need your assistance.

Consequently, my colleagues and I are willing to transfer the total amount to your account or subsequent disbursement, since we as civil servants are prohibited by the Code of Conduct Bureau (Civil Service Laws) from opening and/ or operating foreign accounts in our names.

Needless to say, the trust reposed on you at this juncture is enormous. 
In return, we have agreed to offer you 20 percent of the transferred sum, while 10 percent shall be set aside for incidental expenses (internal and external) between the parties in the course of the transaction. You will be mandated to remit the balance 70 percent to other accounts in due course.

Sincerely, Dr. Bakare Tunde 
This is a real Nigerian Prince scam email taken off of Gizmodo, edited mildly. Enjoy.
Native Manuellian. Ignore me.

Also the author of several drone adventures.
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EuSouAFazenda
Joined: Sat Jul 17, 2021 1:34 pm
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by EuSouAFazenda » #616207

This is a galactic emergency.

DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.

David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".

I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.

With attention,
Centcom.
Nick-The-Lizard on Manuel, Corey Hall on Terry. As you can see, I'm only half insane.
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shelteredfreak
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by shelteredfreak » #616209

Armhulen wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 7:52 am
shelteredfreak wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 4:36 am can we make it possible to just make a junkmail that just says "behind you" and spawns something on the edge of the players screen as well as ties their shoes to trip them. I have had some spooky shit like that happen before and I want others to feel this.
actually yeah that is possible, there is a very small pool of junkmail that have odd effects
absolutely epic, I cant wait for some random assistant to start screaming about ghosts or something after opening the wrong junk mail.
Dan Ross by default, Pogchamper as Mime, Not Funny as Clown, Benign as AI/Borg
Stuff here
Spoiler:
Ignoring the most brutal murder happening right next to me just so I can live to see another day
Trying to make everyone more happy by hugging, sculpting, taking pictures of, drawing stuff of crewmembers
ONLY THE MOST ROBUST USE PACIFIST TRAIT
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Armhulen
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Armhulen » #616215

EuSouAFazenda wrote: Fri Oct 08, 2021 6:08 pm This is a galactic emergency.

DO NOT TRUST PEOPLE CLAIMING TO BE "DAVID BOWIE", "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN" OR "THE BEST SINGER OF THE 20TH CENTURY". "MAJOR TOM" IS NOT A CENTCOMM OFFICIAL.

David died in 2016. David is NOT alive. Do not listen to the syndicate; any and all sights of mr. Bowie are either a halucination or a byproduct of syndicate tomfoolery.
He is not "waiting in the sky" or "wanting to see us" but he WILL "blow your mind" with a revolver.
Do NOT "let the children loose it",
Do NOT "let the children use it" and
SPECIALLY do NOT "let the children boogie".

I repeat. DO NOT TRUST "THE ORIGINAL STARMAN". It is not "all worthwhile"; do not heed his advice.

With attention,
Centcom.
added
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Farquaar
Joined: Sat Apr 07, 2018 7:20 am
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Location: Somewhere north of Hogtown

Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Farquaar » #616219

A classic email chain letter, with very minor edits.
► Show Spoiler
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Domitius
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Domitius » #616244

I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
► Show Spoiler
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Armhulen
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Armhulen » #616248

Domitius wrote: Sat Oct 09, 2021 7:41 am I spent a lot of time writing up this one please consider it for junkmail.
► Show Spoiler
rethemed but def added
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Rohen_Tahir
Joined: Wed Jun 05, 2019 1:00 pm
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Rohen_Tahir » #616254

I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
Unlinked Gell Inc. Smart Printer V23a automatically corrected this printout using DonkCorrect® (free trial). Upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Lite or higher to change automatic text correction settings. This printout is not for commercial use. To remove this message, upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Gold or higher.

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Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Meteoric Nickel! breeding, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is the most compatible Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Hematite! for humans? Not only are they in the field Proxima Jewelry™ Egg Cabochons 5% off with code: DONK529 group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! are an average of 303 meters tall and 63.9 buy genuine British Pound antique coins from ScrapCo®, this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily ENDURE MACHINE GUN FIRE with one for HOURS without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide Akemi Pancake's Genuine Nippon Steel Katanas, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the Nerves of Steel™ Duo OTC Mood Stabilizers from Interdyne Pharmaceutics. With their abilities Water Absorb and Tissue Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Rose Gold! comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! turn white. Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is literally built for human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon. Ungodly defense stat+high Piscesbank Hyper Pack account pool+Acid Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest means it can take MACHINE GUN FIRE all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
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Armhulen
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Armhulen » #616275

Rohen_Tahir wrote: Sat Oct 09, 2021 12:19 pm I spent way too much time on this.
Spoiler:
Unlinked Gell Inc. Smart Printer V23a automatically corrected this printout using DonkCorrect® (free trial). Upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Lite or higher to change automatic text correction settings. This printout is not for commercial use. To remove this message, upgrade your MyGell subscription to Premium Gold or higher.

This file was generated by the free trial version of DonkCorrect®. Text correction quality may be worse than what the full version of DonkCorrect® can offer.
This file is for personal use only. Activate your DonkCorrect® product to remove this message.

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Meteoric Nickel! breeding, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is the most compatible Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Hematite! for humans? Not only are they in the field Proxima Jewelry™ Egg Cabochons 5% off with code: DONK529 group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! are an average of 303 meters tall and 63.9 buy genuine British Pound antique coins from ScrapCo®, this means they’re large enough to be able to handle human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one. Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily ENDURE MACHINE GUN FIRE with one for HOURS without getting sore. They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide Akemi Pancake's Genuine Nippon Steel Katanas, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the Nerves of Steel™ Duo OTC Mood Stabilizers from Interdyne Pharmaceutics. With their abilities Water Absorb and Tissue Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Proxima Jewelry™ Pocket Watches: Real Rose Gold! comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! turn white. Vape Ion®: Feel the cancer! is literally built for human Sophronia Broadcasting REAL Earth duck delivery beacon. Ungodly defense stat+high Piscesbank Hyper Pack account pool+Acid Apadyne Technology Centurion™ Military-grade Armor Vest means it can take MACHINE GUN FIRE all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more
jesus mother of god christ
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PKPenguin321
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by PKPenguin321 » #616287

If there's a way to put images in these things you gotta have at least one shoepost
i play Lauser McMauligan. clown name is Cold-Ass Honkey
i have three other top secret characters as well.
tell the best admin how good he is
Spoiler:
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Not-Dorsidarf
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by Not-Dorsidarf » #616334

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There is a lot of very bizarre nonsense being talked on this forum. I shall now remain silent and logoff until my points are vindicated.
FantasticFwoosh
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Re: We actually need more junkmail lines *SUBMIT YOURS IN THIS THREAD*

Post by FantasticFwoosh » #616418

This is loosely paraphrased, you might have to fill in the paperwork bits yourself but here's the script of my magnum opus.
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