Stories of Awesome (Or something close to it.)

[PKPenguin321]

Bottom post of the previous page:

>walk out and see an assistant holotaping the entire goddamn hallway with the detective's tool.
>he gets disabled by the captain as the captain starts kicking him on the ground
>not today, cap. Drag the well-meaning assistant out of there towards arrivals.
>He thanks me and flushes himself down disposals as the captain disables me
...
>some assistant is there plowing through doors. He breaks through to the AI, which is not in it's sat for some reason and starts bashing it
>"NO WAIT"
>ok
>the assistant kills it anyway

this assistant was me. i also escaped on the shuttle with your chameleon projector and stetchkin. good stuff that round

[Deitus]

fuck your opinion

fuck you

[TheNightingale]

You are Clarke, the robo-wizard! (You traded 20TC for magic.)
You have been hired by the Space Wizard Federation and SELF to spread the word of the metal religion; to convert as many to your cause as you can.
To do this, you buy a staff of change, as well as Repulse, Jaunt, Charge, Recall Item and Stop Time. You bind your staff to Recall Item.
When you arrive on the station, the Engineer who sees you immediately shouts "WIZARD!" over comms.
You explain that you're here on a diplomatic mission, not to hurt people, and talk about how you can make people immortal.
As you walk into the HoP's office and say hi, she pulls a gun and starts shooting lasers at you. Her dog dies, but she misses you.
You quickly use Repulse and knock her over, then take her gun and Jaunt out. You chastise her over comms for attacking a diplomat.
The AI announces that it is having its laws changed. You Jaunt into the Upload foyer, and as the Captain comes out, she sees you and draws a pistol.
You Stop Time, then start taking her ID. After a moment, she moves again, so you Repulse, then fire your energy gun on disable mode at her.
Taking her pistol and ID, you Jaunt out, then build an AI upload in maintenance and repair the AI.
Many people wish to join your cause by now. You fire the staff of change at them until they become cyborgs.
Someone has made a singularity using two bags of holding, so you go to Escape.
You hear the CMO needing help in Medical; he put himself in a straitjacket by mistake. You free him, then offer to make him immortal.
He accepts, so you turn him into a Syndicate cyborg.
The Captain arrives as you Jaunt back, and chases you around the windows with a riot shotgun; you Repulse her, then zap her with your staff.
The Captain is now a bat. You take her riot shotgun, walk up to her, say "No.", and fire.
The Captain is now a dead bat.
As the shuttle comes, a few more people consent to being turned into cyborgs, so you do so, Charging your staff when needed.
The shuttle departs, with only one human on board - the rest are cyborgs. The human didn't want to be made superior, so you don't zap him.
You inject the Captain-bat with a lazarus injector, then turn her into a corgi. After considering for a moment, you turn her into a cyborg.
You guide the shuttle back to the Federation-SELF base, and celebrate your successful diplomatic mission.

[Anonmare]

>tfw you traded 20 tcs for abductors in the same round and singulo/borgs cockblocs you everytime you try and abduct someone

JUST

[EmGee]

>You are Randy Savage, the Assistant!
>YOU ARE A TRAITOR!
>sweet
>objective is to kill Geist Dangerous and steal some plasma
>hack into engineering five minutes in the round, and get a plasma canister and some gloves
>man, this sucks
>a plan hatches
>i run into maint, whip out my PDA and buy a holopara
>no ghosts
>fuck
>try again, a few times
>nope
>nada
>zilch
>JUST.mp3
>i activate the injector one last time, and then convene with the space deities
>pray "uh hey there are no ghosts around so could I get my TC refunded fam? thanks"
>you hear a voice in your head "lol k"
>but the suddenly the injector activates
>BAMBOOZLE
>i choose support, and decide to head into the away mission
>i gather supplies, while calling on radio for any comrades that want to join me on my trip
>four people turn up, which includes Kekhi Andersen,Robusts-The-Criminals ,some random bartender and unexpectedly Geist
>all according to keikaku.dat
>we suit up, get some armaments, and break on through onto the other side
>it’s the NT station invaded by syndies away mission
>I use my remaining TC to buy another holopara and a and a esword
>Geist takes the para and gets also support
>we roll through the away mission
>robusting
>getting mad loot
>Mekhi, the bartender and the Lizard die in the turmoils of the mission
>suddenly shuttle gets called because “AI ROGUE!”
>fuck
>we race back to the gateway, Geist says he’s checking it out
>comes back nearing crit, our parasites heals him
>apparently the station on the other side of the gateway is a fucking raging inferno
>welp
>geist declares we will survive with blood-red hardsuits and holoparas
>we gear up, and head out
>the station is thoroughly fucked, singuloose
>we get to the shuttle, only a sole engineer is there
>says that borgs are rogue
>suddenly a rogue engiborg comes in, stuns the engineer and drags him away
>well shit
>it’s just me and Geist now
>and he’s my objective
>I declare my intentions, and challenge him to a duel.
>he accepts, the shuttle leaves
>we both summon our stands and I brace for robusting
>SONO CHI NO SADAME
>JOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-
>Geist stuns me with one punch to the mouth and chucks me out of the airlock
>fuck.wad
>redtext

all in all, i enjoyed that round

[Zilenan91]

>be me
>be lawyer
>meme around for a while
>eventually the CMO is arrested for rape charges
>k
>we put the HoS on trial for giving her these charges
>wizard comes into the crowd
>says he hates security
>meteors have been detected on a collision course with the station
>we keep going on with the trial
>eventually wizard jaunts inside and statues the HoS
>we try to trial the statue
>THEN A FUCKING METEOR OUTTA NOWHERE
>FUCKING BLASTS THROUGH THE WALL LIKE THE KOOL-AID-MAN AND BLOWS UP THE CAPTAIN JUDGE
>END TRIAL
>MFW EVEN THE GODDAMN UNIVERSE DOESN'T WANT A TRIAL TO HAPPEN

[confused rock]

>orbiting to try to be pai after pais updated so you can slot them int bots
>not a pai but become a snow op
>get a pai after a prayer, choose crazy one named knives over a normal looking personality, slot into medbot
>bot immediately gets stomped to bits by templars
>do good by using shotguns
>all ops die except me and a guy who suicides, end up with the pai, knives, a fuck ton of meds, and a dual esword
>have reached gateway, throw grenades in
>suddenly ERT commander
>commander thinks I'm someone sent to hunt some ice golem who didn't get the memo
>go along with it, look for the ice golem
>ert commander gives me an explosive implant
>give up after a quick search and kill the ert commander
>suddenly comms console spawns, gateway explodes
>console tells me to state name
>say John Johnson because ert id didn't say anything
>console accepts, says "state passcode"
>Knives says "passcode"
>it works
>someone talks and implies I was part of a squad of 3, and I say they all died
>tells me the ice golem is planning an attack and I need to hold out
>Knives gets universal translator to try to talk this out
>Make barricade out of crates
>ice golem and his army of skeletons comes
>negotiation does not work
>main ice golem has like 5k health
>in my last breath, say "ur fat", causing my bomb to explode, killing the entire army except the main golem
>ice golem and army teleport to station
>rest of the ert attacks golems
>station is ravaged, 1 sec ert member manages to stun the golem
>sits there plinking at the golem for 2 minutes with its own sword before it finally dies
>Next round, eff station
>want to try mulebots and pais
>grab pai in dorms
>choose knives again
>learn Beepsky cannot be turned sentient
>shove knives into mulebot
>hack it so it can carry people and so it moves slightly faster
>go on an adventure to get a second pai
>give up after realizing the other mule was already made, this one named H.A.N.Z
>mule asks to be hacked
>try the wires I did for knives and fail, not knowing they are random
>give up for a while
>crazy naked lizard named naked-and-afraid running around screaming
>they end up being the target for like 3 traitors, still survive because they are running so often
>captain tries to steal knives, pops them out of mule
>knock down cap in only 2 punches
>grab knives and run, proceeding to get shot with lasers by the captain
>they suck at aiming so I escape
>try fixing H.A.N.Z again so I can use them as a bodyguard by turning off safeties, this time figuring out that the wires differ for each mule
>works, can do everything knives could, only they can run people over, which only stuns without the damage
>shuttle docks
>captain shotguns me to crit and hides my body in a sleeper on the shuttle
>deathwhisper for knives to tell H.A.N.Z to kill the captain
>running over is non lethal and they do not want to grab the captain and then space themselves, however they manage to chainstun the cap for the entire shuttle ride

[kevinz000]

>CAPTAIN
>Roundstart radio memes of mekhi is a meme"
>blahj blah blah blah blah
>BUNCHA PEOPLE START TIDING
>HOS GULAGS THEM
>HOS GETS KILLED ON GULAG BY THEM
Still kinda salty the nonantags killed hos
>I personally fuck them up
>Goes back to station
>ATTENTION. A JET HARNESS HAS BEEN FOUND IN ARRIVALS SOLARS
>SHUTTLE CALLED
>Dont worry guys I have the disk
>Recalls shuttle and issues combat challenge via announcement to nukeops
>Ahaha I HAVE THE DISK
>Drag backpack to sprite
>Drag internals to sprite
>Breath mask, emergnecy oxygen tank, hand tele.. and ... NO NUKE DISK!!!
>FUCK
>PANIC
>HOP YOU'RE DROPPED OF ALL CHARGES NOW GIVE ME THE PINPOINTER
>PINPOINTER GOES CRAZY
>GOES INTO SPACE
>DELTA HAS BEEN ACTIVATED
>FUCK.JPG
>TRACK DOWN NUKEOPS
>NUKEOPS ARE ABOUT TO EXIT SHUTTLE
>PEW PEW PEW PEW WITH 3 GUNS
>ONE OP RUNS OFF WITH NUKE WHILE REST OF THEM ARE COWERING IN SHUTTLE FROM LASER BOMBARDMENT
>Chases op down
>takes nuke
>Spaces nuke
>Nuke goes off
>Centcom Announcement: Letting me down letting me down letting me down

>HOW DO YOU FUCK UP THAT BADLY?!
>FOUR OPS CANT TAKE DOWN A GUY WITH A TASER :^)

[PKPenguin321]

>leaving the station so you can murder some of your own crew
>stealing tasers from sec along the way
>not even recovering the HOS
>losing the nuke disk in the process
>claiming you have the disk when you don't
100000000000% c o m d o m

[DemonFiren]

That's about 0 per cent latex due to modern condoms, but still...

[InsaneHyena]

> Clown
> Do I feel like griffin today?
> No? Time to do science instead.
> No HoP, no captain, no RD.
> Decide to steal captain's spare.
> Consider breaking in the old-fashioned way.
> Oh wait, a borg.
> Recruit him to get me in,
> Grab the card, give myself all access, take the spare with me to stash it in a safe place.
> WILD HOP APPEARS
> Where the fuck did he come from, did he just recently arrive?
> Shoots me with his energy gun
> He's a scrub, gets slipped on a banana peel, I steal his gun.
> Decide to gloat, but he gets up and begins whacking me with a baton.
> BORG, SAVE ME
> Borg actually does.
> Stash captain's ID, run to science.
> A roboticist already tried to do research, but didn't do good. At all.
> I'VE GOT THIS
> Got this.
> HoP uploaded a number of increasingly retarded laws to stop AI from opening doors for clowns and greytiders.
> Reports of cult on the station. Don't care, I'm here for research.
> Roboticist, geneticist, shaft miner and me are all trying to do RnD and/or get upgrades for their machinery, so research is suffering from the problem of WAY TOO MANY COOKS.
> A shaft miner tries to upgrade RnD machinery instead of me, doesn't print upgraded scanner or laser, oh my god
> NAR'SIE IS COMING
> Do I look like I give a fuck
> Beepsky trying to arrest me because of butthurt HoP, but he can't seem to comprehend the concept of an airlock, so he's stuck in front of RnD's windows.
> Singulo has escaped and eaten the AI.
> Time to be a hero!
> Print a couple of bags of holding
> If it's eaten the AI, it should be still around engineering
> Go there.
> I'll probably need a space suit.
> While I'm heading to EVA, spot a medical doctor, who keeps following me around.
> He has a syringe gun.
> TIME TO RUN
> He misses a first couple of shots.
> Continue dodging.
> He misses two more shots.
> Holy fuck, who gave him syringe gun revolver, I know I didn't.
> Run into maint
> That was a phenomenally bad decision on my part
> He managed to land two last shots on me.
> I don't know if it's toxin or chloral hydrate yet, but I don't intend to die without struggle.
> Begin punching him.
> While I'm punching him, look at my bags. I lost my banana peel after slipping HoP, energy gun is useless when cluwne's using it...
> I have an OXYGEN TANK
> Instantly get disarmed
> Uh, okay.
> Continue punching him with my bare fists.
> Knock him into crit.
> Hit him with a crowbar a few times for a good measure to assert dominance.
> Drop on the ground.
> So, it WAS chloral hydrate.
> Wake up after a few minutes.
> Announce my victory over that weakling
> NAR'SIE HAS RISEN
> Change of plans, instead of trying to BoH bomb singulo, I'll do another kind of BoH bombing to Nar'Sie.
> Okay, where are my bags?
> They are floating away.
> Why are they floating away
> OH SHIT
> Singulo eats my bags
> Singulo eats me
> Singulo eats Nar'Sie
> Still satisfied.

[MMMiracles]

>eff. station assistant
>go to locker room, grab pAI and medkit, ignore the suicided kekhi
>actually get a pAI buddy, Knives.
>after someone is done playing dress up with kekhi's corpse, I drag it into the bathroom and give it a few swirlies before the pAI suggests we cut it up to properly dispose of it
>decide to take the most direct path to the kitchen, which involves smashing the body through a window even though theres a door not even 7 tiles away.
>ask bartender to be let into the back to dispose of body
>"ok"
>lets me in the back, start to shove the body into the gibber
>"thanks ag-"
>You are the revolutionary!
>snag kekhi's ID as a backup identity just incase after turning Kekhi into burgers.
>decide to go on a hunt just as my great ancestors once did with the woolly mammoths.
>make 3 spears, it is time to make my ancestors proud
>a wild detective is spotted chatting with a head rev, I proceed to chuck two spears at him while hes destracted
>both hit, no embed
>fuck
>run away, he makes chase with a telebaton because I'm dragging a locker behind me
>circling around holodeck, manage to grab one of the spears and head north to make him tail behind me
>throw spear, it embeds into him right as I run into a literal pack of security officers and captain, all armed with tasers
>fuck x2
>yakkity sax only lasts for a few moments as the entire horde of mammoths security unloads their tasers, only 1 actually hitting out of 5.
>brigged by an officer
>5 minutes, no implant (people were getting implanted at the time)
>wot
>after my time is up, HoS personally removes my wanted status and releases me with my gear and kekhi's ID.
>w o t
>ask pAI if that actually just happened
>yes, it did
>form a new scheme to take down the mammoths of command
>co-develop an idea of putting knives into a hacked mulebot to use as my battle steed to charge into glorious battle
>break into cargo while nobody is there, realize that the maint panels are ID-locked
>apologize about broken window to QM as he walks in, asks politely for a mulebot crate after he refuses to give up one of the existing ones
>he agrees, we wait in cargo for the metallic battle steed
>get it, hack it, spend another few minutes hacking it because I'm dumb and can't remember how to hack a mulebot
>we ride, to bring glory to our ancestors
>try it on CE at first, mulebot knocks her down but I can't actually hit them from on-top of the bot
>fuck x3
>ce runs away, we decide to stalk maint for prey
>central announces that shits gonna go down if people don't start doing things
>we decide to bumrush the HoS, hes actually smart and walks out of the way while (dumbly) trying to disable the mulebot
>get him cornered, knock him down
>get off
>i get knocked down
>fuck x4
>hos eventually manages to haul ass away as the pAI-driven mulebot gives chase
>eventually get out of the airlock area of the brig to find them both in escape
>the mulebot is constantly stun-locking the HoS outside the escape window
>hos has a regen virus so hes literally just very, very slowly dying to burn damage
>this goes on for over 5 minutes, detective eventually comes
>detective tries to save hos, mulebot knocks into him and detective floats off into the abyss of space
>CMO tries to come to escape to help HoS
>stab the woolly mammoth with my sharp stick as two other revs chip in to assist
>entire sec force arrives with speed+regen virus
>throw my spear
>embeds an officer, they fall over
>steal taser, shoot two in a yakkity attempt to at least take one of them down
>eventually fall because they're literally outrunning my spear and tasers
>fuck x5
>implanted by captain
>it has been at least 8 consecutive minutes of the mulebot running over the HoS slowly in escape space, AI makes an announcement about this and hes eventually saved


this is probably one of the funniest things I've witnessed during a rev, due to the mulebots losing their crunchy-crunch from regular safety hacks, it was almost 10 solid minutes of a mulebot running the HoS over, in escape. The few officers that tried to first save the HoS were bumped off into space as the mulebot ran into them while keeping the HoS down.

this round also showed me the potential of mulebot steeds

[DemonFiren]

I didn't even know you could load pAIs into them.

[ShadowDimentio]

PAI mulebutts are godlike in melee combat if you don't have a ranged weapon. One bump and you're knocked cold.

[Deitus]

PAI mulebutts are godlike in melee combat if you don't have a ranged weapon. One bump and you're knocked cold.

yeah i was just in a round where my entire flu cop team got rekt by one mulebot, defs waiting on a nerf of some sort for that bullshit

[PKPenguin321]

imo we should make mules lethal again but not let pAIs in them

[Actionb]

> be miner, pick my nose while deciding what to buy at the mining vendor
> suddenly ayy dildo putting me to sleep
> wake up on their ship
> begin uncuffing
> scientist is all 'ayy lmao' and is ignoring me
> he's apparently having troubles getting the agent back?
> finally he brings the agent home
> manage to uncuff
> throw bluespace crystals at them both, spacing them
> I have the ayy ship all to myself
> marvel at the anal probes for a while, before teleporting back

[Venticular]

>be engineer
> "You are the bleb!"
> Panic for a bit because I've never played bleb before
>Quickread wiki
>Sprint off into north chapel maint
> There's another blob, he goes around the arrivals pods maint
> We both burst
> Get confused as fuck with all the buttons
> Haven't done shit, get spotted by assistant
> Get swarmed by welding tool wielding assistants
> The same thing happened to the other bleb
> Well shit.
> deadchat: "That's the shortest bleb round ever, admins plz"
>Would you like to be nuke ops?
> FUCK YES
> Thought it said deathsquad
> Spawn as nuke ops leader
> First time playing nuke ops, and I am leader
> Shit
>Fuck around a bit trying to distribute TC
> While I am quickreading the wiki a guy takes a radio uplink that has all the TC on it
> Spends it ALL on reinforcements and elite suits, and two flamethrowers
> There are now at least 16 nuke ops in the room
> " YOU SHIT WE DON'T HAVE ENOUGH FOR WEAPONS!"
> BWOINK
> You still have time to declare war.If not, we will do it for you.
> "Admin plz i don't know shit"
> There is now a lotof shouting about no weapons or suits
> Admins declare war
> Rush into the shuttle all at once
> Pod as already arrived by then
> We all swarm the station
> " RED IS THE NEW GRAY!!"
> We all greytide the station with no weapons
> I go out and suffocate for some reason into crit
> Get rescued
> This happens two more times, i'm a gibbon
> By now the entire lower and left half of the station has been shredded
> Finally get to eastern corridor
> The shuttle has arrived!
> SHIT
> Run through plasma fires towards the airlock
> Get to the tile next to the final airlock
> "The shuttle will leave in 10 seconds!"
> FUCK
> Go into crit
> Shuttle leaves
> ghost and Explode in frustration
> " Would you like to be NanoTrasen Deathsquad?
> YES PLEASE
> " SET YOUR RIFLES TO DESTROY"
> " KILL THEM ALL"
> etc.
> Shuttle arrives
> Massacre shuttle completely
> "It's okay guys, they were all syndicate cowards in disguise. Right? "
> kek

It was all worth it

[peoplearestrange]

Ha nice! Seems like I missed a good round

[confused rock]

PAI mulebutts are godlike in melee combat if you don't have a ranged weapon. One bump and you're knocked cold.

yeah i was just in a round where my entire flu cop team got rekt by one mulebot, defs waiting on a nerf of some sort for that bullshit

Yea, I had gotten a mulebot yesterday during a round where ops declared war, bot fucked over an op, but not before stunning 10 crew members next to the drop pod.

[sirnat]

My first shadowling round:

>Spawn as viro after I begin heating up food IRL to eat for dinner.
>Check the screen and what do ya know, shadowling
>Dont feel like playing as sling so I ahelp to see if they can toss it to someone else
>No admins
>Hmm, virologist lets make a robust triple stacked healing virus.
>Takes roughly 20 minutes, and after I make all three bottles I hatch in my side room
>Inject myself with all 3 viruses in the head and test it with the lights
>Barely any damage is being taken because im healing so fast
>Im basically ascended boys
>Begin thralling people left and right, walking through science and find the cap who I glare, tie and then thrall in the testing lab
>She has her spare ID, YES
>We're basically the entire station now almost, AI called shuttle on red alert and its coming
>Im new to Sling so i havnt even done the part where I get new powers
>I get to the point where I can ascend but fuck that, im more robust other than the gibbing at the moment
>Thrall the last person and then finally go on the shuttle
>Slaughter demon kills one of the thralls so he gets gibbed
>Big greentext because of the virus I had and gave it to the other slings we were nearly unstoppable.

[InsaneHyena]

Same round, another story.

> Be scientist.
> Do RnD, because I'm that austistic.
> Hear reports of slaughter demon eating people
> Decide to shove chem dispenser board to experimentor to see what will happen
> SHADOWLING
> Glared, cuffed, converted.
> Decide to subvert the AI and build a cyborg army.
> Before I leave the experimentor room, slaughter demon appears.
> Try to glare at him.
> You can only glare at humans.
> He kills me.
> Fuck.

[Saegrimr]

>Feel like playing AI
>Traitor! Kill two dudes with no borgs
>Finally get a borg, he's very new so wont be any help.
>Idiot lizard bought a syndie key and tested to see if anybody was listening. Now I can't tell my borg how to tator.
>Get everybody to manhunt for him while I hack APCs
>Earn security's and the captain's trust after I get my borg to space the lizard
>Only a couple more hacks to go before I launch the nuke
>Scientist stumbles upon one of my APCs
>Cut comms, power, bolt everything.
>Get cocky and decide to release Tesla
>It teleports onto my core and kills me.

（´・ω・｀）

>HoS cards me anyway like 10 minutes later, counts as alive
>G R E E N

[ShadowDimentio]

>Be me
>Xenobiologist god
>Science is full of a bunch of big name players
>Offer to impart my wisdom to anyone who wants it
>"Lol xenobio is gay"
>NIGGA YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT CHOO SAYING SO YOU BEST WATCH YOURSELF
>Do my thing
>Get good slimes, golds and light pinks included
>Time to sentient some creatures
>Tell the other scientists to stay out of misc
>Pop three cores and run out of the room
>As soon as the flash wears off see the doors lock behind me
>Bolted
>AI is fucking with my funky flow, tell them to unbolt
>No response
>FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFINE
>Talk to the RD
>They say to just break in, fuck the AI
>Do just that
>AI summons shitcurity and literally like eight other people in half a second
>Wow slow round huh
>The RD and me tell them to fuck off
>Everyone leaves except for one shitcurity officer trying to tell me how to do my job
>Tell him to fuck off and finish breaking in
>REEEEEEE BROKEN WINDOW
>Arrests and strips me
>"GOLD EXTRACTS HUH"
>I'm about to have an aneurysm
>Throws me in the brig for two minutes
>Call the RD and tell them to secure my stuff
>Get released
>Get my stuff back and go to misc
>The several creatures have excaped thanks to our great AI and security team's sabotage
>They're all spiders, and one chaos carp
>Well I'll just have fun with them I guess
>Sentient all of them
>They're all cool
>Tell them to go be helpful
>Go back to xenobio
>Everything's a mess from my absence
>A green spider asks for some monkeys
>Oh you wanna spidertide, sure
>Give him four and work with the slimes a bit
>There's already like a million spiderlings
>Jesus this is going to spiral out of control fast isn't it
>It starts with one spider breaking a window to the slime pen
>Yell at him to stop and fix it
>He breaks it again
>Punch him and tell him to fuck off
>Return to my work
>In like two more seconds like five spiders have broken out the slimes
>Dear god, it's starting
>A spider bites me
>Tell him I'm his GOD and he can't harm me
>He kills me
>Well that's the end of that
>Enter one of the billion spiders
>Viva la spider tide
>Only not
>Find the captain
>He tells the crew that spiders are people too
>Yeah a bit late
>Basically everyone has joined the spidertide
>It's horrifying
>Go to escape because the shuttle's been called
>Captain got murdered by a rogue spider
>The shuttle is literally all spiders except three people
>Two get killed by rogue spiders
>The last one is fighting for his life
>The good spiders have killed the spiders killing the humans
>Suddenly centcomm sprays insecticide on the shuttle
>The spiders all die and explode
>The miner is the sole survivor of a...
>Cult round?
>Huh
>Rip

[PKPenguin321]

>The miner is the sole survivor of a...
>Cult round?
>Huh
>Rip

i was the miner
spiders were less lethal than they were annoying as fuck, every bite put you to sleep for like 45 seconds
i killed like maybe 6 of them in addition to the nar'sie shell, 2 juggernauts, and an artificer
also by the time the shuttle docked, there were more spiders despite cetncomm's intervention, because there were so many spiderlings and eggs that more were born between the ten seconds of the spider genocide and the shuttle docking
pretty hectic round

[ShadowDimentio]

It's funny, for nearly all round it was dead calm, signified by when the AI shrieked about me trying to break in misc like ten people showed up. Then the cult showed up, and shortly thereafter the spidertide hit. Like it jumped from "Everything is okay" to "OH GOD WE NEED TO LEAVE" in a matter of minutes.

[One Seven One]

>Be Assistant
>Well time to f-
>TRAITOR: Kill some scientist
>Wew
>Buy a Ranged Holoparasite, an emag, and some healing cigarettes.
>While I wait for the holoparasite to boot up I hear Lola's rampage right outside the door I'm hiding in
>Thallium Lilac boots up
>Let's not waste time
>Oh wait it's Dreamstation, where the fuck is anything on this map?
>Fuck around and steal a Atmos Tech's ID from one of Lola's victims
>Fuck around in science maint looking for the best place emag in
>Two doors open, on one side is my target!
>We're ready
>We emag in and Thallium peppers him with crystals
>I light up a healing smoke and we stash the body in a locker and plan what to do next
>Not wanting to bore my new Parasitic buddy so early we decide to follow in Lola's footsteps
>Thallium notices the comms and points out that someone gave a clear description of me, no name though
>Time to don a diguise
>Decide to use the Atmos Tech's ID to steal the suit
>Oh wait it's Dreamstation, where the fuck is anything on this map?
>We eventually find Atmosia using Thallium's searching capability
>Suit is gone
>I don't know what I expected.
>I grab an Atmos Uniform and firesuit to atleast make a disguise
>Someone is breaking windows nearby
>It's the guy who took the suit and the fireaxe
>Hmmm, I wonder if it's a traitor or some prick
>Tell Thallium to spawn and try and get him when Fastmos knocks him out the window
>He spouts all of the code words
>Ohshitdon'tspawn
>Thallium Spawns right but doesn't attack, Wew
>Chief Engineer walks in
>Shit
>Thallium begins attacking the CE and I give chase
>Walk out in to the hall right in to the Warden and an engieborg
>SHIT
>CE eventually falls down and I attempt to drag them in the Atmos
>Engieborg charges in with the Warden behind 'em
>Borg grabs the CE body and runs out
>Me, Warden, and Thallium run out in to the hall
>Thallium peppers the Warden as I try to stay away from his Baton
>He falls, I steal his baton, and pull his corpse in to maint
>Bleeding and in pain, the healing cig just now decided to go out after fixing most of me. Why does no one use these more?
>Patch myself up and disguise as the Warden
>Stash the Warden's corpse and all of the Atmos gear
>Dam, we're on a roll
>Put on a gasmask that we found
>Me and Thallium agree that without a security gasmask, I'm suspicious as fuck
>Thallium also mentions I should grab a loyalty implant while I'm there
>Onwards to sec!
>Oh wait it's Dreamstation, where the fuck is anything on this map?
>Eventually find security by following the signs
>Waltz on in like we own the place, wondering if this is going to be my downfall
>Walk up behind the desk with two officers trying to take care of some shit
>Walk in to the armory and implant myself, take the mask, steal a few tasers, a few lasers, and the two boxes of Tear Gas and Flashbangs
>Someone is trying to break out of their cell by bashing the window
>Does no one know how to strip around here?
>Fuck it, time to be the Law around here
>He hides in the cell locker
>I walk around the corner then pop back around
>Fucker is at it again
>We continue this until his time is up, he walks out and I laser him to crit
>Stash his body in the sec clothes locker
>Nothingtoseehere
>Walk back in to the armory and admire piles of junk strewn about
>Begin thinking of ways to abuse my power
>Oh I know, let's alter the records!
>Thallium says it's a bit late, but getting rid of my arrest warrant could be great
>I open the computer up "Allen Guess - Status: None"
>You fucking what
>The door I emagged with no gloves
>The clear description
>The blood leading to various lockers of stashed bodies and not a dam one of you thought to update security?
>Sweet
>Even though Lola is dead, I alter their status to none and give them a note: "A Hero"
>Someone comes on by and drops off Throwing stars, I wordlessly take them and begin charging guns
>Nothingtoseehere
>Shuttle is called. Time to make my way to the shuttle because taking a pod is admitting defeat.
>Brilliant idea
>Let's break out the perma prisoners
>Two poor saps being harassed by the AI
>Calmly open the door and free them both
>Walks right outside past two officers with two criminals in tow, one in an orange jumpsuit and the other in a Clown suit
>One officer is tailing behind us, fuck this one is smart
>They see the orange jumpsuited on up ahead and tasers 'em
>As they begin cuffing I taser back and cuff them
>Drag them in to maint with the orange jumpsuit behind me
>Strip them and let the prisoner take their shit
>Officer can't believe this
>"Alright, take care of 'em"
>Thallium pops out and peppers the officer
>Oh wait shuttle, how much time is left?
>Like fifty seconds
>OH SHIT
>Time to get to escape
>Oh wait
>It's Dreamstation
>WHERE THE FUCK IS ESCAPE ON THIS MAP?
>Thallium tells me to head left
>Thank you Thallium
>Make it to the shuttle with 10-20 seconds to spare
>Buckle up and prepare to enjoy the ride
>Someone lubes the shuttle
>I put on internals
>I begin tossing out Flashbangs and Tear gas.
>Today was a good day.

I had fun being the Warden the station deserved.

[srifenbyxp]

>Be Tator Sci Guy
>Make sure nobody leaves the station
>The plot thickens
>Max research
>Make a mech
>Make AI upload
>Subvert AI, tell him to kill everybody but me, make sure nobody leaves
>I see plasma, quickly get a fire suit
>Through a never ending plasma inferno, proceed the kill the entire crew with a sidekick engiborg
>Get out of mech to get an air tank
>AMBUSH
>Crit
>Borg heals me
>Take a few moments running through plasma fires with no oxygen tank
>Get a tank
>Get back in da fugn mech!
>Miner and some other nerd got on the shuttle
>Nope.ogg
>Stomped asses and time to go back to my kingdom
>Shuttle leavesbut I'm still on it
>Jump out of shuttle and land on mining
>Say, " I can hear it... the salt"
>Red text

I must say I had a blast, there was another instance that this happened but I went solo in a mech on mech fight. I won in the end but turned into a zombie somewhere along the lines.

[Thunder11]

>Doctor
>Do doctor things
>Deal with shitters
>Another doctor starts screaming on med radio about cultists
>Eventually manage to talk him into giving his location, arrivals maint
>They're probably in maint surgery
>Scream for security and charge
>It's HoG
>Grab a dropped claymore and cut down two cultists
>Defense pylon pops up, get critted
>Saved by CMO
>Pylon is gone by now, charge back in and kill the blue god
>Go back to doctor things
>Engineer yells about finding the red base
>Charge in with my glorious claymore
>Tank another pylon with burn patches while smashing the nexus
>Both gods dead
>Red prophet JC Denton starts going on a murderboner
>Grab a dropped egun and hunt him down
>Catch up to him in dorms maint, but he gives us the slip
>Find him again in EVA maint, disable and sword to death
>Give JC's hat to the CMO as a gift
>Shuttle called by this point, make myself a chair in escape
>Crit a few more shitters doing shitty things
>Manage to escape alive
>I am the true winner of the round
Final kill tally:
2 gods
1 prophet
2 cultists
Unknown number of shitters

[Super Aggro Crag]

>be security
>constructs running around
>construct in engineering being a shit
>he's a juggernaut
>apparently they reflect laser shots
>laser shot bounces off of him and into the collector next to me
>collectors explode, knocking me unconscious and setting me on fire
>die

hahaha that was a funny way to die

[The Ultimate Chimera]

One day it was gang and a gang person came in with an uzi, so I pushed them down and killed them with their own uzi, and died not too long after to blood loss and to top it off, another round a RD traitor comes into the pod with me and beats me with their baton and feeds me poison, but I finally push them, unbuckle them from their chair and beat them to death with their own baton all the way to centcom. GG.

[Helios]

>Doctor
>Do doctor things
>Deal with shitters
>Another doctor starts screaming on med radio about cultists
>Eventually manage to talk him into giving his location, arrivals maint
>They're probably in maint surgery
>Scream for security and charge
>It's HoG
>Grab a dropped claymore and cut down two cultists
>Defense pylon pops up, get critted
>Saved by CMO
>Pylon is gone by now, charge back in and kill the blue god
>Go back to doctor things
>Engineer yells about finding the red base
>Charge in with my glorious claymore
>Tank another pylon with burn patches while smashing the nexus
>Both gods dead
>Red prophet JC Denton starts going on a murderboner
>Grab a dropped egun and hunt him down
>Catch up to him in dorms maint, but he gives us the slip
>Find him again in EVA maint, disable and sword to death
>Give JC's hat to the CMO as a gift
>Shuttle called by this point, make myself a chair in escape
>Crit a few more shitters doing shitty things
>Manage to escape alive
>I am the true winner of the round
Final kill tally:
2 gods
1 prophet
2 cultists
Unknown number of shitters

That wasn't JC. Just someone with my ID. I remember that round. Doesn't matter but I have an ego thing where I look up my name on the forums once a week

[Zilenan91]

>be on that 40k server
>it's on a modified metastation
>be Guardsman
>ask the Sergeant (warden) for a laspistol
>"k"
>Us and another guardsman go into the armory and pocket laspistols
>SUDDENLY THE WALL EXPLODES
>PEW PEW PEW A TRAITOR GUARD CHIMERA STARTS BLASTING EVERYONE
>[145.9] "CULTISTS IN THE ARMORY!"
>everyone else is now dead
>run to the left side of the armory and pick up the missile launcher
>The second I see the Chimera I shoot a rocket at it and blows it and the flooring up
>2 slightly banged up traitor guard pop out and shoot me to death with machine pistols
>ghost around, see the commissar (HoS), the Lord General (Captain but not really) and a Guardsman (sec officer but not really) letting themselves into the armory
>In the time it took them to get there the traitor Guard had sacrificed our dead bodies to the Chaos Gods and summoned several Khorne Berserkers
>LG reks the CSMs with his wrist-mounted plasma cannon
>Commissar BLAMs the Guardsman for looting the heretics, kills one of the Traitor Guardsman, and the last traitor guard gets away
>Round goes on for a while with other heretics and said traitor guard who weren't in the armory assault summoning Khorne Berserkers who go around killing everyone
>eventually Orks drop down and start doing Ork shit like throwing retarded amounts of stikkbombz and shoota bullets at everything
>nids start eating people
>Admins summon down some Sisters of Battle
>they start burning all the heretics and nids and Orks and shit
>eventually some Krieg Guardsmen drop in from a pod near the armory
>All the heretics get killed, the shuttle lands, and everyone left gets on it
>All of the krieg and half of the Sisters of Battle died, and 1 or 2 Imperial Guardsmen on the shuttle are all that are left
>There's still some Orks outside who take potshots at the shuttle, killing off the remaining Guardsmen while screaming WAAAGH at the top of their lungs
>shuttle leaves and the round ends

Got another one from Archangel
>be Guardsman again
>everything seems normal
>suddenly cultists fucking everywhere
>Commissar takes us all into the meeting room
>"BURN 'EM! BURN 'EM ALL IN A GREAT BIG FIRE"
>"BURN 'EM FUCK YEAH!"
>We go out and start responding to shit over the common and sec channel
>a really robust guardsman manages to kill the shit out of two cultists in engineering maint
>takes them to the chapel and the LG has to let us in to incinerate their corpses
>pub around for a minute, patrol the outskirts of the station and shoot some strange necron structures in the snow
>people are screaming over comms about how x, y, and z are cultists
>get the accused and the accusers into a room
>the guard kill every single one of them and burn the bodies
>suffer not the heretic to live
>eventually Orks drop down and start doing ork shit that consists of getting lots of loot and lots of Orks start spawning in
>Guard recruit a few civilians, give them lasguns, armor, and tell them to walk in front of us so they eat the bullets before we do
>Orks start going into the hallways near the bar but we had welded some doors and were shooting through them with out lasguns
>Orks can't shoot through the doors and take a bit to figure that out while we kill one or two
>a second alter they throw a bag full of stickbombz and kill about 2 conscripts and crit the Sergeant
>we keep shooting, dragging our dead sergeant to escape (the shuttle had been called) and firing SO MANY LASGUN SHOTS (did I mention that they have 150 fucking ammo in the clip because that's so helpful)
>we lose 3 more people to shoota shots on the way there
>bunker down and keep up a constant source of fire due to the retarded amounts of ammo the Commissar had brought from the armory
>suddenly a venomthrope
>the venomthrope starts spewing out stupid amounts of acid gas that basically instantly kill all of us
>I barely get away before it can spam me out and go to medbay
>literally one living person there
>it's a doctor who's braindead fuck my life
>Shoot at a few Orks who pass by the lobby with them not able to do much to stop me
>eventually the nids move in and kill a bunch more Orks, I see a ton of hormagaunts and Orks get slaughtered between the medbay and science lobbies
>space marines drop down and start blasting fools, they manage to clear out a bunch of Orks and the tyranid flow has slowed down
>they call the shuttle
>we manage to secure escape again but all that's left of dead Guard are blood trails pulled out into the snow by the nids
>go back to medbay for some medical supplies, when an Ork Kommando unstealths near me
>somehow misses me with his shotgun and I barely managed to knife him to death with the bayonet on my lasgun
>have like 2 hp
>slowly drag the corpse to escape while music starts playing and my screen shakes from the impact of more Ork ships landing on the station
>actually so fucking tense right now
>the Salamander Space Marines start spewing flamethrowers down the hallways as more nids and Orks keep murdering the fuck out of each other
>shuttle gets here, and we lose control of the situation as we get on it
>I die near immediately to a zoanthrope throwing me into a wall
>super totally balanced venomthrope melts all the shit off of one of the Salamanders and kills him near instantly
>the last one is in the brig, can't be touched because he's sealed in
>for the entire ride to whatever the centcom equivalent is on this server the venomthrope keeps up a literally constant cloud of acid smoke that kills any Orks and other nids who try to get on the shuttle
>round ends
>all cultists incinerated, not a one didn't have their body destroyed
>the only greentext I need is the Emperor's thanks

If it was confusing why there were that many enemies on a 30 pop server, they have this feature called RTD where you can basically respawn as something else after you die. Everyone starts off being able to RTD as a Krieg Guardsman who are undersupplied and are really unfun to play as on their own ship where they can drop down onto their derelict equivalent, raid a necron tomb, and get fucked by RnG map generation not letting them go further, or ask admins to open up the good lower pod which plops them near the station. Everything else runs off a whitelist system where people can spawn in as Orks, Eldar, Tau, Tyranids, space marines, that sort of thing, because of how lethal the server is so rounds aren't 8 hours because everything died.

[InsaneHyena]

> An incredibly frustrating round (for me) ends. The next station is Dream.
> NOBODY wants dream.
> Dreamstation sucks.
> OOC is demanding the good map - box.
> I can settle for birdboat too.
> I have a dream! And it's not DreamStation!
> Round starts.
> GIVE ME BOX OR GIVE ME DEATH
> Suicide
> After a minute, server crashes.
> Server recovers from the crash.
> Current map is: BoxStation.
> And thus, the forces of good have won again.

[Qbopper]

>join 40 some mins in
>holy fucking shit zombies and spiders everywhere
>pick up a pAI as I run through a hall
>doorjacks us into maint above the chapel
>try and equip myself as best I can
>suddenly a xeno
>xeno MAID



>polishing my spear
>polishing my spear
>polishing my spear

[Cheimon]

>gang
>ganger
>spot mime in library, he's wetting floors
>confidently switch to walk and slip over it
>mime is injecting me with a monkey syringe
>oh fuck no
>become monkey, immediately start biting
>mime bats at me with my retracted switchblade
>gangfriends show up
>grab the blade, cut him with it
>cut him real good
>guard science a bit with my knife
>eventually we dom
>hos shows up
>janitor throws some soap
>hos slips on it
>cut him
>cut him real good
>that's what you get for ignoring the smoking monkey
>i dance on his corpse and wear his hat
>monkeys 2
>humans 0
>gang victory

[PKPenguin321]

>traitor round, box station
>im a random assistant, not a traitor
>fucking around, at some point go by genetics because i have hella brain damage and want to steal mannitol
>golem approaches me
>"i wish to be a human"
>tries using my DNA to make itself a human, but i know that the only consistent way of changing mutantrace is brain transplant
>offer to do surgery on it and help it
>it obliges, we create a monkey man and i put it's genes into it
>turns out the golem is a girl with pink hair and ping lingerie
>gonnagetlaid.jpg
>not really because ERP is for degenerates but still
>cutting out both their brains
>halfway through the second brain removal, a zombie walks into the observing area
>jesus fuck there are zombies
>hear on radio that most of the crew is zombies
>zombie in viewing area must not notice me or something because it leaves without attacking me
>hurriedly finish up the surgery and defib the now-human golem
>she thanks me and i tell her to lay low as there are zombies
>sneak her into a sleeper, all seems to be going well
>suddenly a zombie walks up from somewhere around genetics
>run from the sleeper hoping the zombie doesn't notice that the sleeper has somebody in it
>it chases me, and i take two hits, putting me with 40 brute damage
>however, i scare it off with my welder, after bringing it to very low health
>head back to the sleepers, golem girl is gone and the sleeper is gone
>internally panicking, i break into the medbay storage area and grab a medkit
>just then, a zombie approaches
>she's wearing pink lingerie
>Adamantine Golem (876) exclaims, "BRAINS!"
>quickly jump into a disposal bin and flush myself at the last second
>get out at cargo
>discover my medkit is empty
>just then some zombies walk by outside and start bashing on the windows
>hack into cargo and shut the doors behind me, rush into arrivals maint from there
>at arrivals I meet a new arrival, I think his name is Jack or something
>i tell him the situation and we decide to hold out in arrivals maint surgery for a bit
>in there, he heals me up with the sleeper
>we decide after a while that not much will come from this and part ways
>grab a bunch of floor tiles for zombie killin' and a glass shard for zombie butcherin'
>in the halls, i meet up with Mekhi, who has laser eyes and shit, and the HoP, who are killing some serious zombie ass
>help them butcher some zombie dudes, they head out to clear the escape area so the shuttle will be safe
>part ways, i head to medbay
>some zombie cuck runs up to me, floor tile him to death and gib him with glass shard
>in post-apocalyptic medbay, approach genetics
>second zombie cuck is in there, finishes eating a monkey while i hold still, hoping it doesnt notice me
>it rushes me, but proves no match for my legendary floor tiling ability
>find the HoS's hat and shit, guess that means he's a zombie now. wear hit beret to look cool
>hack out of genetics and head to escape via maint, the shuttle is there
>mekhi and the gang is there too and we're holding off the shuttle in a final stand
>mekhi is baffled as to how i survived so long
>he doesnt know about my floortile-fu
>final wave of zombros approaches
>not a lot of space in the shuttle
>hide in medbay sleeper
>suddenly sleeper is destroyed by a zombie
>flashbacks to lingerie-wearing golem and her destroyed sleeper
>become a zombie
>try and fail to attack mekhi, but i get some damage off on some of the remaining humans
>shuttle launches, i'm butchered and gibbed

bonus part of this story:
>be watching as a ghost
>mekhi's chilling with the gang
>suddenly one of the humans pops a holoparasite
>TRAITOR!
>holoparasite is chaos
>teleports mekhi and i think the RD off
>they die
>some botanist and other rando finishes off the traitor
>deadchat and ooc loses it's shit as the round ends

quality round, quality zombie apocalypse, quality human survivors. 10/10 A+

[Gun Hog]

I was the RD for that round, PKP! I had subverted the AI along with Uriel the Engie, who wanted my armor (I loaded him out with a suppressed SMG and adrenal implant that Mekhi himself helped me get the tech to make!). Uriel managed to kill Mekhi (despite all his crazy away mission junk), but his Holo teleported me off, my BoH decided to amplify it, resulting in a guaranteed spacing. I survived due to my hardsuit, but I still redtexted even though Mekhi was killed and I easily secured the nuke core with the AI's help.

I had to fight off so many dang zombies to get to that vault. I KNEW that my Xenobiologist was mass breeding gold slimes (I provided upgrades to make SURE it would happen), so I kept a mini-arsenal in my BoH just in case. I was not expecting ZOMBIES, though. I really should have stolen a medal to give to that guy for such outstanding chaos.

I wanted to try out PKP's cleanbot changes, so I told the AI to hack all the cleanbots (including my pAI cleanbot). I do not know if the cleanbots got any kills, though. I saw that my own pAI cleanbot (Sparky) got a little dinged up though.

[Venticular]

Ayyyy, I was the holoparasite that round. I died and got gibbed as a zombie. It was my first time as a holo.

It was fucking hilarious when I teleported Mekhi off.

[Shadowlight213]

>be miner
>ask robotics for a Ripley
>they want me to get them minerals first
>go mine, get some minerals.
>drop off minerals in the ORM and see an atmos tech standing in front of it
>worried that he'll try to steal my ID, but he doesnt
>ok, whatever
>come back to robotics and see a half finished ripley
>apparently no one did RND so they don't have circuitboards
>while on my way back, see a cigar on the ground in front of medbay
>sweet. At least I got something nice out of this trip
>go to a vending machine and grab a lighter
>light the cig-BOOOOM!!
>jumpsuit and hardsuit blown the fuck up.
>laughing so fucking hard at my death
>get dragged to medbay, but dont get cloned as medbay gets fucked up the ass by tuberculosis.
>see the ripley finally get made and sit in mining empty

So it turns out the atmos tech was a traitor and had used me putting my ID in the ORM to nab some plasma. He then dipped the cigars in liquid plasma and handed them out.
I actually got lucky. Apparently the captain tried one and got straight up gibbed!

[ShadowDimentio]

>Chappy on Effstation
>Traitor
>Pick up my shard
>"I know what to do"
>Ask to trade for a shell
>They fucking do it
>Shard some suicided lawyer and arty him
>Lock him in my back room with orders to shit out shells and shards
>Wait around for an opportunity
>Clown and greyshirt are fighting
>MY TIME IS NOW
>Jump in and kill the clown and shard him
>Greyshirt is grateful, and I now have a really good stun via the clown PDA
>Wraith the clown
>Tell him to rampage and kill the AI
>Kill two more guys with the PDA and my god hand
>Oh and medbay exploded but whatever
>Make another wraith and jugg
>Tell the arty it's time
>Let hell loose
>The arty and jugg smash into sec just on the other side of the hall
>I get locked out and have to break through some windows
>Jugg died killing the HoS but the arty is still alive
>Shard and jugg the HoS and loot his shit
>Bunch more murders after that and the shuttle is called by someone
>Relax at escape with my like fifteen constructs running around cucking anyone they see
>Escape alone
>Centcomm is crawling with syndiedrones when I arrive
>People are rustled that I got to trade for a shell and that it was too good
>Literally cucked

Good round.

[TheNightingale]

> You are the Detective!
> The Lawyer has all-access. Okay.
> You hear reports of Operatives, and rush to the Captain's Office, taking a laser gun and taser with you.
> ":s The one in black has the disk!"
> You run into the Captain's Office using the all-access ID, then shoot the one in black before they can respond.
> Their buddy, with the energy shield and M90, opens fire, but you hide behind a console and laser the one in black to critical.
> You double-tap the energy shield operative, then disable them, then laser them some more.
> Two officers and the HoP are down, so you drag them out and heal them.
> There's another, in the Captain's Quarters! You slam another speedloader in, run in, and gun them down.
> They're still alive, and they quickly plant a bomb and--
> BOOM!
> They detonate their macrobomb implant, and the Syndicate bomb, killing you.
> The bomb also kills another operative, and stuns another, letting the healed Officer kill them.
> You are awarded a posthumous medal by the admins.

Three operatives in direct combat, which caused the deaths of two more. Nice.

[ClumsyAlcoholic]

NO REGRETS

[PKPenguin321]

>wizard
>im a wizard
>wizaaaaaaard
>get blink, mm, jaunt, instant summons, staff of chaos, summon magic (for the extra point), buy an apprentice of destruction
>bind instant summons to the staff of chaos
>apprentice isn't moving at all so i ahelp and she wakes up
>tell her to go attack the medbay or something, teleport into virology
>blatantly forget that my apprentice will be attacking medbay
>step into medbay and fire my staff maybe 3 times
>get hit by a fireball, ignite, KOed
>die
>apprentice tries and fails to save me
>we get looted, hidden in a locker by the cloning thing in genetics
>bittersweet laughter because that was the funniest death ever but also i'm never going to get wizard again
>i was alive for maybe 3 seconds after going on the station
>depression
>suddenly RD with staff of healing approaches
>we get revived
>holy shit we got revived
>RD: "hey you guys are cool right"
>"yeah dude you know it"
>apprentice whispers, "kill them?"
>"yeah dude you know it"
>grab wizard gear off the floor, magic missile, recall my staff and light the place up
>death bolt RD, apprentice steals his healing staff, she heals me as we go and casts fireball on nerds (it's a robeless spell)
>parading around hall outside for another 3 minutes when an assistant suddenly wand of deaths me
>fuck not again
>he takes my chaos staff and deathbolts my apprentice too
>takes her healing staff, heals me, chaos bolts me
>now i'm a monkey
>i quickly form a plan: convince somebody to revive my apprentice, get to genetics, make me a man again
>but first i must escape this crazed assistant (and the RD, who was at some point revived and wanted revenge on me)
>grab my apprentice and sax harder than i've ever saxxed before
>fireballs and death bolts and shit are flying around, suddenly some assistant with another healing staff sees the dead apprentice im dragging and chases after trying to heal her
>allaccordingtoplan.mov

>at some point during this, i'm not sure what happened, but from what i gathered by radio chatter there was another wizard at some point
>admins must have spawned it when i died the first time
>apparently it has ei nath or some other shit and got dunked, but that's not important
>apparently it bought Summon Events
>the importance of this will soon be revealed

>saxxing away from RD, he whips out a taser and baton
>it seems my jukes have been foiled for the last time
>but ho, what's this?
>just in time, the Summon Events event "robeless casting" occurs
>my spells come back in full force despite being a monkey
>magic missile the RD at the last second, yoink his baton
>assistant with staff catches up and heals apprentice
>wait a minute fuck this i can just jaunt into genetics
>jaunt into genetics
>beg geneticist for human SE
>he doesnt know im a wizard and obliges
>just outside the window i see the RD beating my apprentice to death
>become a human
>MAGIC MISSILE!
>recall my staff of chaos once more
>turn the geneticist into a monkey
>blink out to my apprentice and magic missile
>kill some nerds, but not the RD
>RD gets outta there with the dead apprentice and the healing staff strapped to his back
>give chase down the various halls and fire a YOLO chaos bolt
>it's death bolt
>it snipes him from maybe two screens away
>catch up, strip off his healing staff, revive apprentice
>we'reinthistogether.jpg
>shooting up nerds above the bridge, having fun, kicking ass
>suddenly somebody wand-of-changes my apprentice
>she becomes a drone
>borg approaches so i grab her healing staff and skedaddle
>regroup around the dorms and find the droneprentice
>staff of chaos hoping for bolt of change
>it's death
>i have a healing staff though, i fix her up and the next shot is a bolt of change
>she becomes a monkey
>sax around with her and go by engineering
>trying to fix her to become a human with chaos staff, after like 20,000 bolts (none of which changed her except for one that just made her into a different numbered monkey) and defending against like 20 attackers (she had robeless spells so she could MM and fireball nerds while i MM chaos staffed) we decide to just go to genetics
>during this period the shuttle is called, docks, and departs
>fix her at genetics, right as the shuttle has 20 seconds to dock
>i need an ablative vest
>jaunt to the armory to find one, it's gone
>oh well
>best redtext i've ever had
>apprenticebro is still with me
>good times were had

[Not-Dorsidarf]

Awesomesauce.

(I think healing wands/staffs still turn borgs into naked humans)

[IcePacks]

wizard greentexting is overkill

you fuck up once and you're dead

[Venticular]

>be scientist
>all the science jobs are already taken
>shitter assistant breaks into science
>deal with them for a while
>at some point, space carp migration
>miner asks for hivelord remains (?) to be implanted in them
>try to do surgery
>remains won't fit
>Braxton the scientist is calling for help from RnD
>run over there
>they are getting dragged into maint by a guy with a holo
>nope out of there
>security and miner dude get there
>we follow the blood trail
>appear to loose the trail
>meme around for a few minutes
>find the blood trail again, it goes onto the solars
>get miner
>atmos tech is there when we go back to the solars
>says there isn't a body
>he goes back out again
>finds a body
>as it turns out, his body was spaced, and in a stroke of luck, it bounced off a space carp and flew back onto the solars
>the luck begins
>i suffocate in solar room
>get dragged to medbay
>regain consciousness
>Check out on Braxton, he is being cloned
>someone tries to blow up cloning
>they only blow up genetics
>Braxton is cloned and cryoed
>reasonablly think that someone really wants him dead
>Braxton and I go to the lockers and get disguised as unknowns
>Holo guy is going on a murderbone around medbay
>try to fight but eventually sax away
>go to sec, along the way we pick up another scientist
>pick up some lasers and tasers, go to the sec pod
>Murderboner guy has killed nearly the entire station
>We launch, only one other person was in a pod
>two traitors on the shuttle
>as it turned out, two traitors needed to kill Braxton
>Braxton and I survived out of sheer luck

realize that I just protected a high profile assassination target through sheer luck

[AngryTurnip]

I don't even know if this belongs in this thread or the tales of regret thread, but since I ended up getting greentext I guess I'll post it here.

>start round as cargo tech traitor
>buy martial arts scroll and syndicate encryption chip
>random people keep running up and punching me in the hallway
>be close to a bomb detonation in HoP office and get knocked down/hurt
>clown steals my ID, someone drags me to medbay
>heal and go to the bar
>talking to other traitors over syndicate comms
>see one of them in the hall, he immediately pulls out an esword and puts me into critical (find out later I wasn't his target or anything)
>someone else drags me to the medbay
>chaplain follows them in, and drags me away (find out later I was his target)
>puts me into coffin and tries to shoot me out of mass driver
>only goes like one tile before stopping
>magically come out of crit and I get back in through Evac airlocks
>get put in cryo at medbay, Chaplain comes back, drags me while passed out to incenerator
>engiborg (thank god) follows and tries to stop him
>he kills borg right as I wake up, I choke him to death
>other notable things that happen is a second guy trying to kill me with an esword (not his target), and an atmos tech sitting behind the desk shooting me with a flamethrower when I asked for an oxygen tank
>somehow survive to the end of the round
>my target apparently died at some point and I got greentext

[dionysus24779]

> Spawn Borg, it's still the week where the AI was disabled as a test
> Teleport to brigde to check out what Jobs are understaffed
> All pretty equal
> I dunno why but I guess Thomas Laser followed someone into brigde, despite some salty players pretending I let him in.
> Talk to him shortly
> Be suddenly flashed and emagged, in the middle of bridge in full plain sight of like half a dozen people or something
> Though there wasn't much of a response and since it was all out in the open Thomas even told me over the radio who I have to kill.
> Though eventually we meet up again and we roll over to science to disable the console, RnD, grab a few tools and basically just murderbone everyone who tried to stop us, though that devolved into murderboning everyone we saw.
> Had a few tough sports when Sec managed to corner us, though we somehow did manage to get out, but it was really close for me in some cases. Luckily Laser could repair me and keep my cells changed.
> Also somehwere in-between like almost all of the players got banned for like a minute or so because of a glitch, fun times.
> Eventually Shuttle is called, we manage to get on it all alone.
> Get greeted by Deathsquad at centcomm and are decimated.
> Laser greentexted despite us not having found his target actually, but he had a lot of fun and I thought it was hilarious how bold and open we were about being rogue/traitors.

> Since there was no AI (AI-less testweek) there was nobody who could've locked me down instantly, though I'm suprised nobody blew me before we got the console.

> Despite Thomas actually doing like 90% of all the kills with me stunning people mostly, there was a shit ton of salt directed at me in the after round OOC. Some especially whiny players even started to fabricate lies about me, saying I let Thomas into the bridge (which I did not, he was already inside after I finished checking the job monitor) and saying that I was just sitting there waiting to be flashed and emagged like I "always" do, despite me being emagged very rarely. (but I guess it's easy to forget all the rounds I am not emagged and go unnoticed because I'm just doing my job)

[Anonmare]

Other players are the worst part about playing anything

[PKPenguin321]

>someone else drags me to the medbay
>chaplain follows them in, and drags me away (find out later I was his target)
>puts me into coffin and tries to shoot me out of mass driver
>only goes like one tile before stopping
>magically come out of crit and I get back in through Evac airlocks

cryoxadone got put in your blood when you were in cryo and when you were freezing in space it activated, healing you
i know this because 1. cryo is so shit that i tried freezing myself in space and it worked better than cryo and 2. one time i tried spacing some dude in crit that i snuck out of a cryo tube, and he ratted me out over comms saying that the cryoxadone saved him