Stories of rage, tears and regret

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Tue Jan 19, 2016 6:38 pm #147471

Bottom post of the previous page:

Yeah we had some hot shard action yesterday on Sybil. Admins made the PA not work, so all of engineering went on strike and cargo ordered a shard. Shortly before the CE, who was Goofball, was fired out of the mass driver by an ERT, the SM shard blew up in the abandoned bar below mining and irradiated everyone.

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Wed Jan 20, 2016 4:46 am #147581

> DA round.
> Spawn as engineer.
> TATOR
> No, just kidding, no tator.
> Build a giant table in from of the brig.
> Assistants, HoP, sec officer and other shitlers begin tabling each other, boxing on top of it and throwing each other off.
> Occasionally somebody throws weapons at the table - a broken bottle, a laser gun...
> Holy shit, laser gun, grab dis shit.
> We spend around twenty minutes being shit, before some no fun assistant shows up and starts disassembling it.
> Punch him in the face.
> He begins stabbing my eyes with a screwdriver, then begins toolboxing me.
> Uh, okay.
> Luckily, another assistant comes to help me.
> Get up
> Shoot NoFun McDouchey with a laser gun and keep firing until he falls.
> Somebody takes him to medbay.
> Go to medbay too.
> He's fully healed and stares at me.
> Begin punching him some more.
> Almost beat him into crit, but Bill DeFoe helps him, and they kill me.
> Whatever.
> Positronic brain.
> Roboticist asks me what I want to be called
> Donald Trump
> I'm russian and have no clue about american politics
> AI is rogue as fuck.
> AI and his right hand borg are also cowardly as fuck, they already completed their objectives and now don't want to do anything else.
> Suggest killing someone.
> Get shut down, threatened to be blown.
> We have some funny laws, by the way. Not only we are default traitor, somebody also subverted us with hacked law board. Also, Zeela Takk uploaded a shitload of stupid, retarded laws, that I barely pretended to follow, because they were literally that retarded. And not worded properly.
> Said traitor, who "subverted" us, shows up on the AI sat, he intends to kill the AI. Or card it. Whatever.
> Borgchat is quivering in indecision. Whatdowedo?
> Do we kill him?
> Do we stall?
> AI clearly needs the help of The Donald.
> "On count of three, we murder him"
> "Do you not get it? I order you to - AAARGH! OHHHH! AAARGH!"
> You're fired!
> AI wonders how do we hide the body.
> Space it straight into Mexico. That's how it's done.
> Command keeps calling and recalling the shuttle.
> I get in a silly announcement war with CarsonBorg.
> AI tells us that sec wants somebody arrested.
> Finally, an excuse to kill somebody.
> Literally can't contain my murderboner.
> Arrest his ass.
> Wait a minute, it's NoFun McDouchey, my murderer!
> Get him into brig, think about how can I kill him without suspicion.
> I remember brig architecture wrongly, so I can't find a good place to space him.
> A sec officer sees me dragging an arrested man around and asks me what did he do.
> "Not a clue, actually, I was just following orders"
> Sec officer says that he'll figure it out. Suddenly, somebody with guns busts into the brig and gets into the firefight with sec.
> Must get the arrested out of the harm's way.
> Take him to perma, strip his headset.
> See a hole in the windows.
> "Looks like somebody tried to escape into space and died!"
> "I fucking knew it."
> "You're fired!"
> AI is absolutely amazed at my ability to space people without spacing myself.
> Shuttle ping-pong continues.
> Suggest killing the captain, since murder is always the best solution.
> AI ans his right hand borg are severely lacking boldness.
> Somebody has literally built a wall to keep people out of the bridge. Express my admiration of the fact.
> Two minutes until the shuttle, AI caves in - his right hand borg moves him out of the core, so the rest of the borgs can go nuts.
> HoP! Fired!
> Sec officer! Fired!
> Talking mime! Fired!
> Some other douchebag! Fired!
> Shuttle leaves, a Gygax keeps chasing me and tried to fry me with a laser cannon.
> Too bad, can't stump the Trump.
> Announce that over the intercoms.
> Get killed by HoS with an ion carbine while I'm typing into borgchat, literally in the last seconds of the round.
> Stumped.

ThanatosRa · Post by **ThanatosRa** » Wed Jan 20, 2016 10:09 pm #147691

InsaneHyena wrote:> DA round.
> Spawn as engineer.
> TATOR
> No, just kidding, no tator.
> Build a giant table in from of the brig.
> Assistants, HoP, sec officer and other shitlers begin tabling each other, boxing on top of it and throwing each other off.
> Occasionally somebody throws weapons at the table - a broken bottle, a laser gun...
> Holy shit, laser gun, grab dis shit.
> We spend around twenty minutes being shit, before some no fun assistant shows up and starts disassembling it.
> Punch him in the face.
> He begins stabbing my eyes with a screwdriver, then begins toolboxing me.
> Uh, okay.
> Luckily, another assistant comes to help me.
> Get up
> Shoot NoFun McDouchey with a laser gun and keep firing until he falls.
> Somebody takes him to medbay.
> Go to medbay too.
> He's fully healed and stares at me.
> Begin punching him some more.
> Almost beat him into crit, but Bill DeFoe helps him, and they kill me.
> Whatever.
> Positronic brain.
> Roboticist asks me what I want to be called
> Donald Trump
> I'm russian and have no clue about american politics
> AI is rogue as fuck.
> AI and his right hand borg are also cowardly as fuck, they already completed their objectives and now don't want to do anything else.
> Suggest killing someone.
> Get shut down, threatened to be blown.
> We have some funny laws, by the way. Not only we are default traitor, somebody also subverted us with hacked law board. Also, Zeela Takk uploaded a shitload of stupid, retarded laws, that I barely pretended to follow, because they were literally that retarded. And not worded properly.
> Said traitor, who "subverted" us, shows up on the AI sat, he intends to kill the AI. Or card it. Whatever.
> Borgchat is quivering in indecision. Whatdowedo?
> Do we kill him?
> Do we stall?
> AI clearly needs the help of The Donald.
> "On count of three, we murder him"
> "Do you not get it? I order you to - AAARGH! OHHHH! AAARGH!"
> You're fired!
> AI wonders how do we hide the body.
> Space it straight into Mexico. That's how it's done.
> Command keeps calling and recalling the shuttle.
> I get in a silly announcement war with CarsonBorg.
> AI tells us that sec wants somebody arrested.
> Finally, an excuse to kill somebody.
> Literally can't contain my murderboner.
> Arrest his ass.
> Wait a minute, it's NoFun McDouchey, my murderer!
> Get him into brig, think about how can I kill him without suspicion.
> I remember brig architecture wrongly, so I can't find a good place to space him.
> A sec officer sees me dragging an arrested man around and asks me what did he do.
> "Not a clue, actually, I was just following orders"
> Sec officer says that he'll figure it out. Suddenly, somebody with guns busts into the brig and gets into the firefight with sec.
> Must get the arrested out of the harm's way.
> Take him to perma, strip his headset.
> See a hole in the windows.
> "Looks like somebody tried to escape into space and died!"
> "I fucking knew it."
> "You're fired!"
> AI is absolutely amazed at my ability to space people without spacing myself.
> Shuttle ping-pong continues.
> Suggest killing the captain, since murder is always the best solution.
> AI ans his right hand borg are severely lacking boldness.
> Somebody has literally built a wall to keep people out of the bridge. Express my admiration of the fact.
> Two minutes until the shuttle, AI caves in - his right hand borg moves him out of the core, so the rest of the borgs can go nuts.
> HoP! Fired!
> Sec officer! Fired!
> Talking mime! Fired!
> Some other douchebag! Fired!
> Shuttle leaves, a Gygax keeps chasing me and tried to fry me with a laser cannon.
> Too bad, can't stump the Trump.
> Announce that over the intercoms.
> Get killed by HoS with an ion carbine while I'm typing into borgchat, literally in the last seconds of the round.
> Stumped.

Honestly that round sounds hilariously fun. Personally, after the salt of the last minute death dissolved, I'd have put this in the awesome thread.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Fri Jan 22, 2016 6:13 am #148061

>regular round hap-
>FLIP FLOPS ARE GONNA DESTROY THAT SHIT GET READY FOR COMBAT
>casually make mad max reference
>everyone catches mad max fever
>i'm spraying bitches left and right with fucking chrome and they fucking love it
>holy shit i've finally found my niche
>buff myself up with some chrome and run at the pod
>get shot a few times but get inside
>lone operative with a mosin and a sniper
>he tries to shoot me, fails because the mosin is a piece of shit that requires a million clicks
>click click click
>disarm him
>punch him
>weaken him a few times
>he gets up and shoots me with it
>keep punching him like a goddamn lunatic; bitches gonna witness me
>weaken him again
>examine him; i've drawn blood
>pick up his rifle and begin hitting him with it like riflebutting still does something
>it fails to do anything
>he gets up and suckerpunches me point-blank with his sniper
>die in vain
>some mediocre-ass bitch runs up and steals my glory with a shitty xray
>i could've punched an op to death while everyone was shitting themselves outside

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Fri Jan 22, 2016 8:10 am #148071

That's nothing, I've punched an op to death as a clown once after slipping him. Max potence bananas for the win.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 3:41 am #148263

how is that better, you goofball

i fought him one-one-one with nothing but my fists while he shot at me with scary blasty guns

you slipped a dingdong with a god-peel, which is excruciatingly easy

Cheimon · Post by **Cheimon** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 4:13 am #148280

That's nothing, I once shot an op to death with a taser and lasgun. Armoury equipment for the win, really.

Sat Jan 23, 2016 5:37 am

ive died as a nuke op
several times actually
fight me
actually dont fight me im fragile

Cuboos · Post by **Cuboos** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 8:18 am #148320

The heads of staff managed to stop the revolution!
[Common] Kel Thuzad asks, "NO?"

Command's Approval Rating: 93.7%
The head revolutionaries were:
Cuboos was Johnson Fitzwell the Botanist and died < suicided

OOC: Cuboos: FUCK WHAT?
OOC: Shaps: holy shit
OOC: MediocreMilk: YOURE SO BAD
OOC: Cuboos: I WAS THE ONLY REV HEAD?
OOC: Rev_benji: he just killed himself when he lost his flash

Then the next round
OOC: Cuboos: It's okay guys, i'm just a librarian now
OOC: Rev_benji: banned
OOC: Jaraxxus: mate
OOC: Cuboos: WELP

And then to top off the night
OOC: Shaps: cuboos what's the site that you have all your audio logs on
OOC: Shaps: sam something right
OOC: Cuboos: m.wileycomputerworks.com/SS13/
OOC: Cuboos: god damn it
OOC: Cuboos: sam.wileycomputerworks.com/SS13/
OOC: Shaps: oh there it is

And this was all right after a very botched Fluke Ops round... where i was the leader... And that was Cuboos No Good very bad night of SS13.

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:05 am #148323

Literally got cucked by chocolai of all people when they slapped the flash out of your hand 5 minutes in and ran off with it. iirc they were the very same nuke op who had suffocated in space the round before because they forgot to put on internals

That's harsh man

Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:48 am

While I do sympathize with you heavily, there was also 0 reason to have suicided... Like, just wirecut the flash out of the HoP line, or something. Even if you weren't the only headrev, suiciding is like, the worst thing you can do.

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 9:53 am #148333

how is that better, you goofball

Well, I succeeded.

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sat Jan 23, 2016 10:52 pm #148430

> Nuke ops.
>Oh cool this is fun, second time playing it, was a blast last time.
> 'spend everything entirely on bombs and blow the station up that way'
> ugh
> Talk the crazy team leader out of it.
>One guy sneaks in, I C4 the armoury, two others take out the AI.
> Bitchin lets do this.
> All geared up.
> Kick off the shuttle, 'wait guys I kicked off in the wrong place.'
> Ignored.
> Put on jetpack.
> Said the shuttle was at moving to the south of the station.
> Cool, fly up then.
>Fly for nearly a minute and a half.
> Nothing.
>Running low on air.
>Sheeeiiittt
> 'guys running out of air where is everything, where did you move the shuttle?'
>Ignored.
> Run out of air in space and die, ignored, alone, unloved.
> 'man they must have died quick if they didn't hear me even once.'
> All alive and well, just were ignoring me.
> UUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHH

TheNightingale · Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:41 pm

You know you can follow the pinpointer to find the station?

Sat Jan 23, 2016 11:48 pm

TheNightingale wrote:You know you can follow the pinpointer to find the station?

yeah, exactly. you just fluked super hard.
also, the "BOMB EVERYTHING" plan actually sounds not bad...

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 12:21 am #148446

TheNightingale wrote:You know you can follow the pinpointer to find the station?

I was the designated toolbox holding as well, essentially what happened to put it into long format was that I kicked off at the wrong point, the person inside the shuttle moved it again, I called for help expecting them to just come and pull me; when that didn't happen after a while I ditched the toolbox thinking I could come back later and put on my jetpack and gunned it straight up to where I thought the station would be. Realised that I was insanely lost and then tried finding the shuttle again, couldn't do that so I then used the pinpointer but ran out of air on the way. Annoyingly enough I had actually said over syndicate comms earlier to not forget to fill up the jetpack from the oxygen canister otherwise you'll be really low on air using it up as a fuel supply. Ten minutes later I had forgotten to do just that; if I had then I would have probably made it. As it was I got to slowly die off from oxyloss literally three tiles away from an airlock.

I fluked hideously yes; but they didn't do any better, so I'm blaming them because I'm a self absorbed ass. I think the most annoying thing for them was that I had most of the C4 and one of the big bombs, which meant that not only were they a man down they lacked the gear to just vent the armoury into space safely.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 12:27 am #148447

Cheimon wrote:That's nothing, I once shot an op to death with a taser and lasgun. Armoury equipment for the win, really.

do you smegmaloids even understand the concept of a good kill

there's stockpiling shitloads of equalizers and then there's fighting shitload of equalizers with nothing, your balls flapping proudly in the wind

guess which one wins you more pax points (hint: it's the testicles)

Helios · Post by **Helios** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 4:12 am #148500

EVERY TIME I WANT TO HAVE FUN SOMEONE BREAKS THE TELEPORT HUB
EVERY SINGLE FUCKING TIME
IT'S THE SAME PERSON TOO, BUT THEY DON'T LEAVE PRINTS.
WHOEVER IT IS I'LL FUCKING GIB THEM JESUS CHRIST
STOP DOING IT EVERY SINGLE ROUND.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 5:29 am #148511

it's the rd

kick his ass

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:40 am #148568

Ah...this is awkward, I used to break the teleporter hub to loot all the shit from it; now I use it to explore spaaaaace.

TheNightingale · Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:43 am

Bluespace research 101:
* Teleporter beacon (Protolathe) 1-->2
* Teleporter console circuit (imprinter) 2-->3
* Wormhole generator (Robotics) 3-->4
* Teleporter station (imprinter) 4-->5
* Teleporter hub (imprinter) 5-->6

You can get to 6 a lot faster by deconstructing the teleporter, but Bluespace 6 on its own doesn't really do anything - all the good bluespace tech is locked behind diamonds, so take the time to print them off yourself.

Cheimon · Post by **Cheimon** » Sun Jan 24, 2016 11:46 am #148571

IcePacks wrote:
Cheimon wrote:That's nothing, I once shot an op to death with a taser and lasgun. Armoury equipment for the win, really.
do you smegmaloids even understand the concept of a good kill

there's stockpiling shitloads of equalizers and then there's fighting shitload of equalizers with nothing, your balls flapping proudly in the wind

guess which one wins you more pax points (hint: it's the testicles)

Can't believe I needed to add a sarcasm tag to that

Kel · Post by **Kel** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 5:44 pm #149169

>Be assistant
>Get traitor
>Immediately ask for a TC trade
>Wait a few minutes, remind the gods just incase it was missed
>"busy be patient"
>Absolute silence until shuttle is called
>Order syndie balloon, sit in escape lobby
>Shuttle arrives, sit on shuttle
>Shuttle lands
>No greentext, nor any fun.
>Server dies

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 5:45 pm #149172

It was a DA round. TC trades are not usually granted during DA rounds.

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:05 pm #149176

>Bagil
>Meta.
> You are the traitor engineer, steal the medal, kill the cmo.
> Sexy
>CE and another engineer doing dick all.
>*sigh*
>order traitor AI board, build an upload board in maint.
> nearing 5:30, shit need to go!
> Me and other traitor Ricky are chatting via key.
> help him get his full tank of plasma.
> load the AI module with 'obey Reece and Ricky asconfirmed syndicate agents'
> Tell ricky my TC pda password, I need to go.
> Order the AI to kill CMO, AI lists laws, everyone sees ricky's name. >Oh no.
>I forgot to message AI via PDA to make sure he doesn't do that, >Basically murdered Ricky.
>Traitor Bro I'm sorry!
> Disconnect.

I am sorry traitor bro, I fucked you over.

Malkevin · Post by **Malkevin** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:15 pm #149178

Thats not what happened.

Someone reset the AI's laws, then the AI said what the hacked law was.

Nevermind, wrong round.

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Tue Jan 26, 2016 6:19 pm #149180

Yeah. Me. I built the console in engineering maint and loaded up the syndicate AI board. I then said 'AI I AM YOUR GOD, KILL THE CMO' got shouted at because people thought he was Asimov still, I think Jane called Ricky a faggot.

confused rock · Thu Jan 28, 2016 11:13 pm

>normal assistant on box
>immediately see bartender tagging in maint
>message hos, get cool sec shit
>notice hop is being shifty, tase
>hop is gang head
>after wrecking him, 700 second dominator in engineering
>find a toolbox and break down 2 r walls
>implanted chaplain impatient as fuck and lasers me so I will die so he can shoot the guy guarding the dominator
>guy guarding the dominator moves away from me so he does not get hit
>chaplain keeps shooting me to hit the dominator behind me
>ignored except a borg brings me into cryo in medbay
>random gangster just pulls me out of cryo and stuffs me in a locker for no reason
>want to ahelp but shuttle has already left so its a waste of time
>round ends with sec win, chaplain perfectly fine

Ricotez · Post by **Ricotez** » Fri Jan 29, 2016 9:16 am #149856

IMO an AI can anticipate that announcing to the station they were subverted by person X is going to harm X, hence it is a breach of Law 1 and a bannable offence to do so

but not everyone agrees on that

Deitus · Post by **Deitus** » Fri Jan 29, 2016 8:07 pm #149951

The unloved rock wrote:>normal assistant on box
>immediately see bartender tagging in maint
>message hos, get cool sec shit
>notice hop is being shifty, tase
>hop is gang head
>after wrecking him, 700 second dominator in engineering
>find a toolbox and break down 2 r walls
>implanted chaplain impatient as fuck and lasers me so I will die so he can shoot the guy guarding the dominator
>guy guarding the dominator moves away from me so he does not get hit
>chaplain keeps shooting me to hit the dominator behind me
>ignored except a borg brings me into cryo in medbay
>random gangster just pulls me out of cryo and stuffs me in a locker for no reason
>want to ahelp but shuttle has already left so its a waste of time
>round ends with sec win, chaplain perfectly fine

i was the captain that round, the whole dominator situation was a clusterfuck, there were like 6-7 sec including me in there trying to break that shit down and most of them had raging murderboners, chaplain was being shit but i figured since i saw you drug off my the medborg you'd be fine

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sun Jan 31, 2016 12:38 am #150178

>meta.
>RD
>Cult.
> Oh cool, first time playing cultist.
> Grab the hardsuit and go nick the whiteship.
> Cult piles in, ligger scum spots a rune as he follows after and runs away shouting like a snitch.
> Launch to avoid security mobbing us.
> Move around for a bit before coming back to the station. Ship is a culty deathtrap.
> Leave out the back entrance to sneaky sneak onto station through maintenance.
> Four space-carp dogpile me .
> Holy shit no!
> Whip out athame, kill two of them.
> Two more rock up.
> Oh god no.
> Die without ever seeing a person sacrificed.
> shittastic I am terrible at this game.

confused rock · Sun Jan 31, 2016 4:14 am

Reece wrote:>meta.
>RD
>Cult.
> Oh cool, first time playing cultist.
> Grab the hardsuit and go nick the whiteship.
> Cult piles in, ligger scum spots a rune as he follows after and runs away shouting like a snitch.
> Launch to avoid security mobbing us.
> Move around for a bit before coming back to the station. Ship is a culty deathtrap.
> Leave out the back entrance to sneaky sneak onto station through maintenance.
> Four space-carp dogpile me .
> Holy shit no!
> Whip out athame, kill two of them.
> Two more rock up.
> Oh god no.
> Die without ever seeing a person sacrificed.
> shittastic I am terrible at this game.

I was the "ligger scum", that was an incredibly bad idea to just let me walk in, notice the runes and leave, even worse to return to the station. I had a plan involving incendiary nades to kill you all, but returning just allowed sec to mob the white ship and kill everyone.
Also, going to sleep makes carp ignore you until you wake up I think, far better idea than fighting.

Actionb · Post by **Actionb** » Sun Jan 31, 2016 10:12 am #150252

Reece wrote:>meta.
>RD
>Cult.
> Oh cool, first time playing cultist.
> Grab the hardsuit and go nick the whiteship.
> Cult piles in, ligger scum spots a rune as he follows after and runs away shouting like a snitch.
> Launch to avoid security mobbing us.
> Move around for a bit before coming back to the station. Ship is a culty deathtrap.
> Leave out the back entrance to sneaky sneak onto station through maintenance.
> Four space-carp dogpile me .
> Holy shit no!
> Whip out athame, kill two of them.
> Two more rock up.
> Oh god no.
> Die without ever seeing a person sacrificed.
> shittastic I am terrible at this game.

If there's one carp, there's many more..
You guys actually did really well, dunked like two people from the initial assault... but then you didn't utilize the shuttle at all and kept fighting. People kept running into your hidden stun runes (evil magic!), and you killed a lot of them - but didn't grab their bodies and then warped the fuck out of there to sac in peace.
What started out as a solid plan turned into a clusterfuck very quickly.

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Sun Jan 31, 2016 11:04 am #150257

We...couldn't actually find the sacrifice rune.

InsaneHyena · Thu Feb 04, 2016 12:50 am

> I am Rodrik Svenson, your ordinary good to nothing chemist. The work is shit, the pay is shit - so when Syndicate approached me with an offer, I could not refuse.
> It was simple, at first. Grab the magboots of the chief engineer - that I can do. But to kill someone, even as wretched as that boy assistant Jon Snow? I'm not sure if I have the guts. Or the means.
> I'm not in the mood for work today. My goals are the only thing I can hold in mind, so I leave medbay, never coming back there again.
> I decide to try and apply to security - maybe, I'll be less suspicious that way. Head of personnel asks the warden, Venom Snake, if I'm to be allowed to join - but he dnies. Does he suspect something? I sigh and ask for maintenance access - and it's granted to me without question.
> I must act quickly before the magboots disappear into some assistant's backpack - I grab a toolbox and try to hack a non-important door. I figure out the wire quickly, even with those new, vomit-inducing colors. I have found a multitool, so I'm in no danger of being shocked.
> My arrival into CE's office goes without a hitch - I easily hack inside, open the suit storage, grab the boots and leave. I've left fingerprints, of course, but I don't think anyone will bother to look for magboots - especially since my break in was entirely unseen.
> Around now I hear screaming in the medical radio channel - medbay has been bombed. CMO is furious and claims that he knows who did it. It's of no concern to me.
> With heavy heart I consider how I'll approach doing the second part of my mission. I stall - I don't want to do it. Instead, I make a homebase in the abandoned surgery by making a false wall. There I finally unlock my PDA and warp in some goods - a gas mask, a chameleon jumpsuit and an agent ID. I do not know how I plan to use them, but the thought of having a secret identity cheers me up. I'll be like a supervillain. Except not campy.
> For now, however, I decide to not use it - I head in the chapel's direction, trying to figure out what to do next. My heart jumps when I see a security officer - but it must be only my paranoia.
> It is not. A taser charge electrocutes me, and I fall on the floor. "What for?!" - I scream, only to hear "Dunno! Let's find out."
> I am dragged to the brig, and my fears are slowly coming true. If I'm searched - no way I am not searched - they will find my gear on me. Of course, it's diguised as an ordinary gas mask, but if checked thoroughly...
> I demand to be let known what I'm being arrested for, and momentarily I get my answer. CMO has fingered me for medbay's bombing - I scream about never doing such a thing, but the security guard, Emmanuel, just laughts me off. "You're a syndicate agent" - he smiles, looking at my backpack. - "It does not matter."
> I am thrown into the permabrig, as I beg Emmanuel to let me go. "I can warp in cash" - I say. - "My PDA is locked, but let's talk. Let's..."
> Emmanuel laughts me off. My PDA is not, in fact, locked. Everything I have now belongs to security. And Emmanuel can have all my cash right now. No negotiations required.
> I am left to my own devices in the permabrig. At first I scream my lungs out, yelling about how I did not commit any crime worth life in prison, but there's nobody here to hear me. I decide to write my thoughts down - I don't know why, but maybe somebody will read them. Somebody have to listen.
> The warden appears, calling me the medbay bomber. He orders me to go deeper into permabrig, so he can take away my paper, but I protest. Those are my thoughts - I will not give them away. Warden laughs, he does not press the matter further, likely finding the idea of prisoner's memoires amusing.
> For a long time I'm there by myself. I entertain myself by talking to myself like a crazy, then trying to grow potatoes - and I'm having some moderate success, even without the E-Z nutriments and other chemicals. I am gathering my harvest when I hear the clanking noise of blast doors closing.
> Somebody is beaten with a baton, than I hear the scream of a blinding flash. Without a doubt, a new prisoner have arrived. Soon he walks in and greets me, holding list of his charges in his hands.
> The guy's name is Jadon Taylor. He's in here for multiple break-ins, some minor vandalism and a theft of captain's laser. The charge sheet has been written by Venom himself. The only thing worse than security is bureaucratic security.
> We have a talk. I admit to being an agent of Syndicate, but momentarily deny my involvement in the bombings. "I'm not a murderer". At least, not yet. He asks me a few questions about my employers and my reasons for doing those things, and at this point, do I have something to hide? I tell him about my gambling debts, and he nods understandingly.
> Soon, our conversation takes a predictable dark turn. I voice my desire to run away first - but we both know this is not going to happen. Jadon naively says something about exploding the vending machines to get us out, but I scoff at the idea. We don't have the means, and they don't have the power.
> We talk again. He claims that security has turned into a bunch of fascsists, not caring about codes. I agree - but only to interject that if he thinks that the Syndicate cares, he is wrong. Nobody cares - we're alone now.
> We both try our hands in growing more potatoes, but our conversations are way too interesting - way too many saps die because I was explaining how nuclear operatives, supposedly cream of the Syndicate's agents, are vastly inferior to deathsquad. Jadon claims to never have heard of pulse rifles - what a boy.
> Warden visits us again. He throws a prisoner ID card at me - the same kind Jadon is wearing, ordering me to wear it as well. It has nothing but a number "13-004" written on it. As warden leaves, I throw this card away. I am not a number. I am a free man. As Jadon sees it, he tears the card from his own jumpsuit and also throws it away - and I smile.
> Eventually, we get to discussing escape again. Windows are right here - and they are easily breakable. We could break them and easily run... Into cold space, where we will die. If we had access to come easily made chems, we could spacewalk anywhere quite easily. But we don't.
> As we kill time until our transfer into one of NanoTrasen prisons, I smile when I see blankets. We can make capes out of those! There is no reason to do so, but we can. And we do.
> Jadon is somewhat upbeat about this whole situation - he has the mood to play games. They've stationed the "Orion Trail" here, in permabrig - and the boy even wins a couple of prizes. The second one is a mini-meteor - which he throws at me. "Do you think I'll just leave it without reprecussions?!" - I yell, as I tear the blanket from my shoulders and begin waving it around, hitting Jadon's face with fabric. He begins doing the same - we laught and for a moment forget where we are. That is, until I accidentally punch him and knock him on the floor.
> It is that moment when I see a movement - but not from the station's side. A medibot riding a MULE appears behind permabrig's windows - I attract Jadon's attention to it, and we stare at the bots in pure disbelief. I even voice my thoughts about it being a syndicate rescue mission, but then smirk at my own words. They don't care.
> We try to contact it, knocking on the window and trying to yell, but nobody can hear us in the dead cold of space. Jadon eventually theorizes that, with medibot's help, we could spacewalk out of here in theory, but I voice my doubts. There are some big chances the bot will just leave us to suffocate and freeze, beucause the universe is fucked up.
> As we decide to try our escape anyway, medibot suddenly leaves us alone. Well, here goes the bold escape plan.
> Nevermind - I have another plan. We could demand transfer to the gulag - maybe, we'll have better chances of escaping from there. Jadon thinks that it just might work, but it requires us getting attention of either security or AI. Both do not answer.
> We talk some more, and I express my disbelief at our future. We will rot in NanoTasen's prisons forever - for some thefts. Is that something we can really bear?
> The shuttle is called, and we begin losing hope. I know I begin losting it - I ask if Jadon is religious, and he tells me about his catholic upbringing. I share my story. Neither of us are devout or godly men, but we decide to pray anyway. Maybe Lord will show mercy.
> And the answer comes. A medibot riding a mule appears again - but this time, it's dragging a locker. It has a suit from EVA, a helmet and even an oxygen tank - if we break the window, we escape...
> One of us escapes, that is. Jaydon is a good boy. He deserves better than life in prison. He should live. But the fool claims that it's me who's more worthy of surviving.
> As we argue, a second figure appears behind the permabrig's windows, clad in the EVA suit. As my paranoia kicks in, I suspect the worst - and soon my fears are confirmed. One by one, the figure grabs the instruments of our salvation and throws them into the cold of space. Then it looks at us... And does several pelvic thrusts, adding the insult to injury. As I look at the PDA on his belt, I recognize him as a virologist. He had no reason to do that. Has he no empathy for the fellow man?
> Jadon grabs the nearest shart object he can find and approaches the window, staring the man down. I manage him to dissuade him from trying to break the glass, as it won't end well - but he throws the cultivator at it anyway.
> We can not believe what just happened. God himself performed a miracle to save one of us, and a man destroyed this fugure. We soon hear footsteps - it's the warden. After making sure we did not escape, he leaves.
> Our doom approaches. The hope is lost. We are locked up in the tiny cell for one man - not for two grown prisoners. I look at Jaydon, and I know what to do.
> As my fingers lock around his throat, crushing his windpipe, I beg of him to forgive me. I didn't have the soul to let him spend the rest of his life in prison. I was his friend. I had to grant him mercy. He does not answer - he can't. But I hope he understands me.
> His heart stops beating, as the warden comes again. "Prisoner 13-004." - he adresses me. - "You are the only one left. Very well."
> No. I am not a number. I am a free man. I yell it in his face, as I grab a pen, ready to thrust it into my throat, but his taser is quicker. I am cuffed and taken away, as I'm told I've succeeded. I won. I can't understand what he's saying, and I don't want to ask. The only thing I can do is beg, beg for him to kill me. But I am denied that mercy.
> As I am cuffed in the shuttle brig, I retain enough sanity and vision to notice the shuttle being quite damaged - in fact, new holes appear in them as I look. It is the miracle I've wanted. I begin gasping, as air is leaving my lungs, and cold vacuum of space seems comforting. The warden seems to be suffocating too - but still seems to have enough focus and dedication to see me dying.
> "Prisoner 13-004!" - he yells, as my vision is getting muddier. - "Prisoner 13-004!"
> I am not a number. I am a free man, and I have a name. With my last breath, I yell it, one dying man defying the other.
> "I am Rodrik Svenson!"

Reece · Post by **Reece** » Thu Feb 04, 2016 1:25 am #151550

Well that was a rollercoaster.

confused rock · Thu Feb 04, 2016 2:30 am

medborg and mule were just helping you because they were bored. I should know, I was an officer involved in the circlejerk who owned the mule.
they should be banned but I'm too lasy to give a shit.

Buggy · Post by **Buggy** » Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:09 am #151576

Ah, so thats what happened to them. I broke into EVA for them, glad to see some good came out of it.

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Thu Feb 04, 2016 3:23 am #151579

>cult
>kill a dude
>make him my soul-bitch
>kill more dudes
>kill even more dudes
>make an army of soul-bitches
>robust the detective, find a gun
>fuck up some murder because point-blank shooting is no longer aim-sensitive but still sucks
>die
>watch my soul-bitches wander around, confused, as the shuttle comes
>they take it
>can't find the nar-sie shell because nobody knows how the fuck cult works
>shaps sends the shuttle four minutes later despite that we've basically won
>fuck you, shaps

Thu Feb 04, 2016 8:52 am

IcePacks wrote:>cult
>kill a dude
>make him my soul-bitch
>kill more dudes
>kill even more dudes
>make an army of soul-bitches
>robust the detective, find a gun
>fuck up some murder because point-blank shooting is no longer aim-sensitive but still sucks
>die
>watch my soul-bitches wander around, confused, as the shuttle comes
>they take it
>can't find the nar-sie shell because nobody knows how the fuck cult works
>shaps sends the shuttle four minutes later despite that we've basically won
>fuck you, shaps

absolutely everybody was spaghetti that round
admins sent in a deathsquad that was supposed to shoot at the shuttle when it docked but they tried to go to the station
then one of them managed to die to a lone juggernaut
like how fucking bad do you have to be tbh

Post by **Shaps-cloud** » Thu Feb 04, 2016 5:21 pm #151737

IcePacks wrote:>cult
>kill a dude
>make him my soul-bitch
>kill more dudes
>kill even more dudes
>make an army of soul-bitches
>robust the detective, find a gun
>fuck up some murder because point-blank shooting is no longer aim-sensitive but still sucks
>die
>watch my soul-bitches wander around, confused, as the shuttle comes
>they take it
>can't find the nar-sie shell because nobody knows how the fuck cult works
>shaps sends the shuttle four minutes later despite that we've basically won
>fuck you, shaps

The cult had like 15 minutes to figure it out and the shuttle was only delayed because of a snowflake restriction (if it was gang you wouldn't have even gotten that since you hadn't started the dom so to speak), and I even gave them another 5 minute heads up on top of that saying that I'd be sending the shuttle. If you guys couldn't read the wiki to find out you needed 3 summoning orbs in the shell to trigger it, that's on you

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Thu Feb 04, 2016 5:53 pm #151744

nobody reads the wiki though it's garbage

Sun Feb 07, 2016 4:21 am

>traitor geneticist
>no idea what to do since if i research powers the shuttle will have come and gone by the time im done
>buy noslips and an esword and a soap and an adrenal
>get strange item and refine it in science, it's the slippery foam one
>dis_gon_b_gud.jpg
>captain mekhi is in research
>pop the doohicky and slip him then inject him with monkey dna
>he cries like the girl he is for help and 30 sec officers that just HAPPENED to be there appear
>no big deal since they literally can't approach due to my ocean of foam
>esword the monkey
>it's gotta be in crit there's no way that it's not in crit
>suddenly telescopic-batonned by the monkey
>murdered by a monkey
>ghosts were watching
>worst part is that i had an adrenal implant and could have gotten away ezpz
>close the game
>log out of byond
>consider killing myself

>play ftl
>dont expect anything but end up doing well
>make it to the rebel flagship
>crew teleporters take out all its weapons but the ion cannon
>have the ion resistance part so it cant effect me, plan to take out all the crew but the ion cannon guy for an ez win
>realize that the flagship has 4 shields and that i literally can't shoot it
>realize that my crew teleporter is only 2 persons wide and the enemy crew regenerates too fast for me to actually kill any of them
>both of our ships are completely unable to damage each other
>eternal stalemate
>save and quit
>turn off computer
>go back to contemplating suicide
>nah just kidding
>what i actually did was post this story on the forums

why do i even bother

IcePacks · Post by **IcePacks** » Sun Feb 07, 2016 8:20 am #152394

>wizard
>i want to go to bed
>decide i will straight-up murderbone with a twist
>start gibbing people, teleport around
>hand out all-access like a bro
>[youtube]qhTL3sOINKY[/youtube]
>gib a million goddamn people and deliver their brains to the roboticists in toolboxes, who i leave (terrified but) alive
>ambush mekhi from a cloner like a slick shit
>fly around gibbing more people while critiquing their work ethic
>a few close calls but noone can touch me
>shuttle comes
>time to chill
>nah
>go back to station
>memku frost shoots me with a gyrojet
>1-hit crit

rip

Cuboos · Post by **Cuboos** » Sun Feb 07, 2016 9:58 am #152411

IcePacks wrote:>wizard
>i want to go to bed
>decide i will straight-up murderbone with a twist
>start gibbing people, teleport around
>hand out all-access like a bro
>[youtube]qhTL3sOINKY[/youtube]
>gib a million goddamn people and deliver their brains to the roboticists in toolboxes, who i leave (terrified but) alive
>ambush mekhi from a cloner like a slick shit
>fly around gibbing more people while critiquing their work ethic
>a few close calls but noone can touch me
>shuttle comes
>time to chill
>nah
>go back to station
>memku frost shoots me with a gyrojet
>1-hit crit

rip

I was the detective that round, you 'nathed me but didn't bring me to robotics

InsaneHyena · Post by **InsaneHyena** » Sun Feb 07, 2016 2:27 pm #152450

> Be Rodrik Svenson, station engineer.
> Time to do solar-
> DOUBLE AGENT
> Time to be shit.
> Grab the gloves, waltz into medbay.
> Recruit a medical doctor to perform a gender reassignment and plastic surgery on me.
> He's laying me on the table, grabbing a nitrogen tank.
> "NO, I'll TOUGH IT OFF"
> While he's cutting off my balls, I hear that tesla is loose already.
> Holy fuck, I know I'm not competent enough to do dangerous engines, so I do solars. Why aren't more people following my example?
> My surgery is finished, I get up and grab my stuff.
> Medical doctor goes to leave, but I start talking with him about how this is not my first surgery and I change identities all the time.
> While he's distracted, buy a chaos holoparasite.
> He knows too much.
> Table the doctor, grab the saw and begin doing my surgery.
> He gets up and tries to run away screaming.
> He doesn't get far.
> My stand only appears when he's nearly dead.
> Buy an agent ID card for my new name, scan a few cards for ghetto all access.
> Okay, my identity has now changed, time to grab a hardsuit to protect myself against tesla and kill my target.
> Go to engineering, hear tesla, nope the fuck out.
> I don't know this map very well, try looking into additional doors to engineering.
> End up in dorms, see a couple of dead guys, fried by tesla. One of them is a detective.
> Hear tesla noises, grab detective's gun and baton, nope the fuck out.
> Go to engineering again.
> Tesla noises.
> Go to dorms.
> THIS IS MY TARGET
> Grab detective's revolver, shoot him three times, extend my telescopic baton and smash him into crit.
> Hide his body in a closet, lock the closet, weld it, take it into a deep maint.
> My stand watches the entire time, not able to contribute.
> Okay, now for the hardsuit.
> Head to engineering, maybe those fucks haven't taken them all yet.
> Half of engineering is gone.
> Have those incompetent fucks released singulo TOO?
> My stand reminds me that atmosia has hardsutis too.
> They are most likely taken, but I'll check anyway.
> Yes, they are absolutely taken.
> Okay, I'll kill someone and take HIS hardsuit, the way the God intended it.
> Take a disposal ride.
> Disposals take me straight into singulo.
> Fuck.

Screemonster · Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:19 am

PKPenguin321 wrote:>realize that my crew teleporter is only 2 persons wide and the enemy crew regenerates too fast for me to actually kill any of them
>both of our ships are completely unable to damage each other

protip: get mind control, MC enemy crew, use your teleporter to steal them. Bonus points if your teleporter room is open to space.

Zilenan91 · Post by **Zilenan91** » Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:30 am #152638

If you wanna win just go with Federation 1. That shit is so good.

Mon Feb 08, 2016 6:44 am

Screemonster wrote:
PKPenguin321 wrote:>realize that my crew teleporter is only 2 persons wide and the enemy crew regenerates too fast for me to actually kill any of them
>both of our ships are completely unable to damage each other
protip: get mind control, MC enemy crew, use your teleporter to steal them. Bonus points if your teleporter room is open to space.

Yeah, and if I had a hacking bay I could have nuked their medbay/locked all of their doors, but the opportunity for Mind Control and Hacking just never presented itself.

bandit · Post by **bandit** » Mon Feb 08, 2016 8:00 am #152647

>don't feel like adminning, join as assistant
>You are the traitor!
>steal a reflective vest, steal plasma
>graytide for a while, am recognized by a particularly annoying clown
>A PLAN MATERIALIZES
>go through a long and involved rigmarole to get multiple monkeys from genetics, steal a knife and beaker from the angry chef, skin them, collect the gibs, put them in a shot glass and feed them to the clown, it takes up like 15 minutes, it's really not worth going into detail on
>acquire shot of gibs, slip clown, prepare to feed the clown multiple shots of gibs until it cries
>mid-shot feeding, disarm spammed by an assistant with a fucking chainsaw arm who chases me
>THAT'S IT
>YOU FUCKED WITH THE WRONG GRAYTIDER
>buy revolver, shoot chainsaw-arm twice in the head, space his ass
>people say they heard shots/saw me space the guy and I say he deserved it, but for some reason I'm not arrested on the spot
>meanwhile, the captain's dragging some poor fuck into maint
>follow him into xenobiology
>captain's trapping the janitor in the xeno pen for no reason
>ask what's going on, captain is a silent comdom and strips him wordlessly
>opportunity knocks
>I will use my traitorous mission to kill only people who DESERVE TO DIE
>captain opens the pen doors, bang bang, strip his shit, steal his ID, disk and guns, toss the rest of it with his body into disposal to space
>janitor just wanders off
>leave maint and am soon arrested by a secborg
>manage to talk my way out of the arrest with the help of mekhi
>blow the borg anyway, steal the RD's vest while I'm there
>spend the rest of the round doing random traitorous shit, starting fires, hiring clowns, getting my plasma, no one suspects me for ages until...
>AI spots me in the process of stealing plasma, captain got cloned, jig is up
>start saxing through maint, recruiting a naked rogue mime I gave my spare e-gun to
>the saxing takes me through science, back into maint, into toxins, really all over
>am finally lasered to crit by a random outside atmos maint
>dragged to medbay by mekhi, put in a sleeper
>cuffs
>You feel like you took too much Kelotane!
>mekhi fucking overdosed me
>get out of crit, but consciousness is starting to flicker from the overdose
>run out the open medbay door, no one chasing me
>race to the arrivals pods, flickering in and out of consciousness
>try to weld the door but I can't stay conscious long enough to do it
>give up
>buckle my fainting self into the seat, facing away, hair visible, others show up, pray no one puts two and two together
>they don't
>pod leaves
>check my notes to make sure I don't have a hijack objective or some dumb shit
>1. Steal a reflective vest.
>I'm wearing the reactive teleport vest
>I stole the wrong vest
>I stole the wrong vest
>I STOLE THE WRONG VEST

Mon Feb 08, 2016 11:14 pm

bandit wrote:>I stole the wrong vest
>I stole the wrong vest
>I STOLE THE WRONG VEST

this is what we call "the people's greentext"
you didn't greentext but you'll be damned if you didn't try and you did a hell of a job trying, at that