Making some short stories. Critique if you like

[starmute]

Bare bones of it all

Concept: Turn based strategy comic backed by science fiction ideas. Basically the world functions as a science fiction turn based strategy game (MOO2 for example)

Ancient Races:

Builders
Humans who built the universe, in fact it is a strategy game. Nobody is aware of this however there are buildings, wonders and organisms once built by them. Think of them as the game developers.

First ones:
Agents of the builders. Makes sure the great game continues, makes sure that "builders from the outside dimention" are put into a overmind unit.

Precursor Technology: Technology purposefully jettisoned by the first ones, often arriving in warp gates. An example of this is Overmind technology.

Overmind units are exceptionally intelligent units that may or may not be built by the builders. Currently there has only been one in existence: Lisa. Lisa was the corner stone of the Tri-Empire Alliance and allowed humans to conquer much of known space, however she was destroyed during the Phact incident.

Alpha One Echo- X
A1ex or Alex is the protagonist. He is a Overmind unit.

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Races:
Human
Typical humans. Some mutant races evolved.

Enslavers: Parasitical life forms:

Nest stage:
In the nest stage the larva is quickly implanted into a sedated slave or thrall.

Larval Stage:
Emerging from their techno-organic nest the enslaver organism quickly bonds with a thrall. Typically these thralls are Miraock, slave thralls that once were part of the mighty Mira empire

Enslaver
After 3 years of isolation a enslaver has taken control of the mind of the thrall. Miraock have been inbreed by the enslavers and no longer are truely geneticly viable. 2/3s of the larva implanted in Miraock are considered flawed, therefore Enslavers are constantly looking for new sources of genetic material to splice, consume and bind with.

Callidusium
Sly Imperial type people


ferrumin
Strong desert based people

Mira
Killed off the Vux (feline, empathetic) [yes they just killed off furries, you should like them already] with weapon that turned organic tissue into goo. Most of the galaxy united against them and when they made their last stand [the Phact incident] they decided to use a weapon to make the Phact system go supernova rather than surrender to the Tri Empire. Their home planet was infested with Enslavers (they were genetic engineers) and the Enslavers decided that the time was ripe to show the Mira how much they had grown.marking the beginning of the Enslaver war. Needless to say most have died off. Names begin with Lady or Sir.


Factions:

Vega Pact: Protagonists of the stories. Rag tag militia that were previously the 108th prison guard unit overlooking a large population of Mira revolted against the Tri-Empire Alliance after they were ordered to abandon their station and head home to sol. Director Cotten Blackhand is the Commander general (former warhero turned mutineer). The second in command is a Mira officer named Lady Nail Vaji.







Thank you for reading this. Thank you for your time and consideration