NOTE: SOME OF THE INFORMATION IN THIS ARTICLE MIGHT BE A BIT OUTDATED. WHEN THIS WAS WRITTEN, THE CHANCE OF NUKE OPS IN SECRET WAS AROUND 20%, AND FUNGAL TB WAS THE META. ALSO, WAR OPS WERE A LOT MORE COMMON.

ARE YOU FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THE TIMES WHEN MEDBAY IS CARPETED WITH FUNGAL TB VICTIMS AND THE CMO SITS IN HER PRETTY BIOSUIT TWIDDLING HER THUMBS?
ARE YOU FUCKING PISSED AT SCIENCE FOR RESEARCHING ADVANCED MINING BECAUSE SOME SPOILED BRAT MINER WANTS IT?
WELL, YOU CAN BEAT PEOPLE ON THEIR HEAD (NOT THAT IT'LL DO MUCH WITH ALL THAT WATER INSIDE) WITH THIS FUCKING GUIDE THEN.

MEDICAL

CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER

SET ALL OF MEDICAL TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
SET UP A DEFIB MOUNT IN MEDBAY LOBBY
I DUNNO GO DO WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE DONE (USUALLY TB CURE)

MEDICAL DOCTOR/VIROLOGIST/CHEMIST

YOU FUCKING MAKE TB CURE SHIT. ITS FUCKING EASY.

STEP 1: GRAB A 30u BOTTLE OF EPINEPHRINE (THEY'RE FUCKING EVERYWHERE)
STEP 2: GO INTO CHEMISTRY
STEP 3: GRAB A BEAKER, INJECT 10u OXYGEN, POTASSIUM, SUGAR
STEP 4: MIX THE EPINEPHRINE AND THE CRYPTOBIOLIN TOGETHER
STEP 5: CONGRATS YOU JUST FUCKING MADE 60u OF SPACEALLIN
STEP 6: GRAB PERFLUORODECALIN FROM THE OXYGEN DEPRIVATION FIRST AID KITS, OR JUST MAKE SOME YOURSELF
STEP 7: MIX 50u OF THE PERFLUORODECALIN WITH 50u OF THE SPACEALLIN YOU CREATED EARLIER
STEP 8: YOU NEED BOTH PERFLUORODECALIN AND SPACEALLIN IN YOUR SYSTEM IN ORDER TO ACTUALLY CURE FUNGAL TB
STEP 9: SYNTHESIZE THE RESULTING 100u INTO 10 PILLS, FUNGAL TB HAS A SHITTY ASS CURE CHANCE OF 5 WHICH MEANS THAT THE MORE SHIT YOU GET INJECTED WITH THE BETTER

STEP 10 (OPTIONAL): WHEN YOU FINALLY CURE SOMEONE, TAKE THEIR BLOOD, AND TAKE IT TO HOLODECK OR VIROLOGY. IF YOU'RE IN THE HOLODECK, SET IT TO THE MEDICAL SIMULATOR, OTHERWISE JUST POP IT IN THE PANDEMIC MACHINE. THERE WILL BE A BUTTON TO MAKE A VACCINE BOTTLE, JUST PRESS IT, AND IT SHITS ONE OUT. WAY MORE EFFICIENT, AND IT'S A COMPLETELY LIMITLESS SUPPLY OF THE CURE.

VIROLOGIST

OH DAWWW YOU MADE A HEALING VIRUS
OH FUCK FUNGAL TB JUST OVERPOWERED IT AND KICKED ITS ASS
MORAL OF THE STORY: YOUR PANSY ASS HEALING VIRUSES DON'T AND CAN'T DO SHIT AGAINST FUNGAL TB
DON'T FUCKING MAKE HEALING VIRUSES

TIPS

THERE ARE TWO NANOMED PLUSES IN MEDICAL, ROUNDSTART. EACH NANOMED HAS 2 SYRINGES OF SPACEALLIN, MAKING FOR 4 IN TOTAL
THE VIROLOGY FRIDGE STARTS WITH 4 SYRINGES OF SPACEALLIN
THIS MEANS THAT WITHOUT CHEMISTRY, YOU HAVE 120u OF SPACEALLIN
FOLLOWING THOSE STEPS ABOVE RESULTS IN 60u OF SPACEALLIN
JESUS FUCKING BATMAN
YOU CAN THROW PEOPLE INTO ~~SLEEPERS~~ (NOPE, NO FUN ALLOWED)
VACCINE BOTTLES WORK TOO, BUT MAKING VACCINE BOTTLES REQUIRES YOU TO CURE SOMEONE AND THEN TAKE THEIR BLOOD, AND YOU CAN'T PREPARE A VACCINE BEFORE EVERYONE GETS FUCKING INFECTED
GRAB THE LETHAL INJECTION SYRINGE LOCKER FROM THE "PRISONER REEDUCATION FACILITY" IN PERMABRIG AND LOAD THEM INTO YOUR SYRINGE GUN
HAS A SUPER NICHE USE, SINCE HARDSUITS PROTECT AGAINST SYRINGES, BUT IF YOU GET ONE WITHOUT A HARDSUIT, A SINGLE HIT BY A LETHAL INJECTION SYRINGE PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEES THEIR DEATH

GENETICIST

HULK IS FUCKING USELESS BECAUSE THE OPS HAVE BALLISTIC WEAPONRY AND DON'T USE STUNS
ALSO, HULKS CAN'T USE GUNS, WHICH HANDICAPS YOUR ASS PRETTY HARD
NO SERIOUSLY, HULK IS SHIT AGAINST OPS
TWO COMPETENT GENETICISTS CAN GET ALL 6 POWERS WITHIN 20 MINUTES, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE PERMANENTLY DOSED WITH MUTADONE
COLD RESISTANCE IS GOOD FOR SPACEWALKING WITHOUT A HARDSUIT
TELEKINESIS IS GOOD FOR MURDERING OPS WITH POTTED PLANTS
XRAY IS GOOD SO YOU CAN MURDER OPS WITH POTTED PLANTS FROM WITHIN MAINT
CHAMELEON IS GOOD SO YOU CAN MURDER OPS WITH POTTED PLANTS FROM WITHIN MAINT WHILST BEING INVISIBLE
DWARF IS, UH, GOOD FOR KITING OPS IN THE BAR
HULK IS VOMITED UP DOG DIARRHEA LEVELS OF SHIT

SCIENCE

RESEARCH DIRECTOR

SET ALL OF SCIENCE TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
GO CHANGE THE AI'S LAWS IF THE CAPTAIN HASN'T DONE SO ALREADY
DRAG THE AI'S ASS OUT OF ITS SATELLITE AND INTO SOME SECLUDED PLACE IN MAINT
BITCH AT YOUR SUBORDINATES
BITCH AT THE MINERS FOR WANTING BETTER FUCKING GEAR

SCIENTIST

DON'T RESEARCH ADVANCED MINING YOU RETARD
I SAID DON'T
BAD DOGGIE

WHAT YOU RESEARCH

STEP 1: INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING
STEP 2: WEAPON DEVELOPMENT TECHNOLOGY
STEP 3: BALLISTIC WEAPONRY
STEP 4: WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO RESEARCH TO GET ELECTRIC WEAPONS
STEP 5: ELECTRIC WEAPONRY
STEP 6: WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO RESEARCH TO GET MEDICAL WEAPONS
STEP 7: MEDICAL WEAPONRY
STEP 8: ROLL TIDE (EXCEPT FOR MINING TECH BECAUSE FUCK EM)

THIS MEANS THAT CARGO DOESN'T WASTE THEIR POINTS ORDERING AUTO RIFLE AMMO CRATES, WHICH ARE FUCKING EXPENSIVE AS FUCK.
ALSO IT MEANS THAT SECURITY CAN PRINT OUT ION CARBINES FOR THE SYNDIE BORGS WHICH ARE EVERYWHERE THESE DAYS
MEDICAL WEAPONRY MEANS THAT YOU CAN PRINT OUT PIERCING SYRINGES, WHICH PENETRATE THROUGH NUKE OP HARDSUITS, AND 15U OF LEXORIN DOWNS AN OP FOR LIKE A FULL MINUTE

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE

XENOBIO IS FUCKING USELESS BECAUSE IT CAN'T DO JACK IN 20 MINUTES
TOXINS IS MOSTLY FOR GENERATING RESEARCH POINTS, I GUESS YOU CAN BOMB THE SYNDIE SHUTTLE IF YOU WANT THOUGH

ROBOTICIST

MAKE BORGS
MAKE BORGS
IF YOU SPAWN WITH RIPLEY BOARDS, BUILD A FIREFIGHTER (DONT BUILD A RIPLEY BECAUSE SOME SYNDIE MECHS USE FLAME WEAPONS)
STRAP A DRILL ONTO IT
PILOT IT INTO MANLY BATTLE AGAINST A DARK MAULER
DRILL THEIR ASSES
WIN

CARGO

QUARTERMASTER/CARGO TECHNICIAN

MOVE FREIGHT
MOVE CRATES
MOVE FREIGHT
MOLEST CITRUS
ORDER WT-550 AUTO RIFLE CRATES
DONT ORDER AUTO RIFLE AMMO CRATES
DISTRIBUTE GUNS
SELL ALL OF THE PLASMA THE MINERS BRING BACK
ORDER MORE AUTO RIFLE CRATES
DONT ORDER ENERGY GUNS OR OTHER LAME ASS LASER WEAPONRY BECAUSE SYNDIES CAN DEFLECT THEM WITH ESWORDS/ESHIELDS

QUARTERMASTER

SET ALL OF CARGO TO EMERGENCY ACCESS SO THE GREYTIDE CAN GET THOSE SWEET ASS GUNS
BITCH AT YOUR SUBORDINATES

SHAFT MINER

MINE ORE
MINE PLASMA
MAYBE KILL AN ASH DRAKE THAT WOULD BE SWEET AS SHIT
DON'T DIE
DON'T BITCH AT SCIENCE TO RESEARCH MINING TECH
DON'T BITCH AT CARGO FOR SHIPPING YOUR ORE TO CENTCOMM
ACTUALLY BE ON THE STATION AT THE 20 MINUTE MARK
BUY A MINING HARDSUIT AND AS MANY KA RANGE UPGRADES AS YOU CAN
GO INTO SPACE
SHIT ON THE SYNDIES WITH YOUR 40 DAMAGE INFINITE AMMO GUN
LOLOLOL

ENGINEERING

CHIEF ENGINEER

SET ALL OF ENGINEERING TO EMERGENCY ACCESS FOR EMITTER MEMES
OPEN SECURE STORAGE
TOW THE AI OUT OF ITS SATELLITE IF NO ONE ELSE IS WILLING TO

ENGINEER

SET UP THE SUPERMATTER
SET UP THE SOLARS
GO TOW SOME EMERGENCY BREACH SHIELDING GENERATOR THINGIES TO THE SUPERMATTER COOLING LOOP SO SYNDIES CAN'T SABOTAGE IT AS EASILY
MAKE STUNPRODS BECAUSE YOUR ENGI-VEND HAS 10 FUCKING HIGH CAPACITY POWER CELLS
WAIT FOR THE SUPERMATTER TO BE INEVITABLY BLOWN UP
DON'T RCD SOME SHITTY ASS DEFENSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY
THESE DEFENSES LITERALLY SHATTER IN 2 HITS FROM A L6

ATMOSPHERIC TECHNICIAN

SET UP ATMOS
COOL SOME PLASMA
COLLECT THE FRIGID PLASMA IN A TANK
MAKE A FLAMETHROWER
END UP GASSING THE CAPTAIN
ACCIDENTALLY OPEN A BZ CANISTER
OOOOPSIE DAISY

SECURITY

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

WAIT FOR SCIENCE TO RESEARCH BALLISTIC AND ELECTRIC WEAPONRY, THOSE BASTARDS
GO TO CARGO
GRAB AS MUCH METAL, SILVER, AND URANIUM AS YOU CAN FROM THE ORM
IF THERE ISN'T ENOUGH METAL, GRAB SOME FROM ENGINEERING
METAL AND SILVER IS FOR PRINTING ARMOR PIERCING AUTO RIFLE AMMO FROM YOUR DEPARTMENTAL PROTOLATHE
IF YOU'RE SHORT ON SILVER, PRINTING NORMAL AUTO RIFLE AMMO WORKS TOO
THE ARMOR PIERCING IS BECAUSE THE NUCLEAR OPERATIVES HAVE BULLSHIT ARMOR WHICH NEGATES MOST DAMAGE
USE THE METAL, SILVER, AND URANIUM TO PRINT OUT ION CARBINES FROM YOUR DEPARTMENTAL PROTOLATHE
THE ION CARBINE IS FOR DEALING WITH THE FUCKING SYNDIE BORGS AND THE OCCASIONAL SYNDIE MECH

HEAD OF SECURITY

GRAB YOUR SHIT
OPEN ARMORY
REMEMBER THAT YOUR OFFICERS GET PRIORITY ON WEAPONS AND GEAR OVER THE GREYTIDE
DISTRIBUTE THE LEFTOVERS TO THE GREYTIDE
GIVE YOUR DEPARTMENTAL PROTOLATHE BOARD TO RESEARCH AND DEVELOPMENT BECAUSE RELYING ON YOUR OFFICERS TO PRINT OUT GUNS IS LIKE RELYING ON A DRUNK MANATEE TO SURVIVE INSIDE THE AMAZON FUCKING RAINFOREST
TRY TO FOLLOW THE CAPTAIN
CONTRACT TB
WATCH MEDBAY WALK OVER YOUR GASPING COMATOSE BODY

WARDEN

OPEN ARMORY
SET ALL OF BRIG TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
YOU AND THE SECURITY OFFICERS GET DIBS ON GEAR
PREPARE FOR WHEN BRIG GETS SYNDIE BOMBED
ASK FOR THE PINPOINTER FROM THE CAPTAIN
OH WHATS THAT? A SYNDIE BOMB CONVENIENTLY PARKED OUTSIDE THE ARMORY? OH JOY!

SECURITY OFFICER

ARM UP
ARM UP
THROW AWAY YOUR ARMOR VEST AND GRAB SOME BULLETPROOF ARMOR, SYNDIES DON'T USE LASERS FOR SOME REASON
RUN AROUND
HARMBATON THE CLOWN
VALID HUNT

COMMAND

CAPTAIN

GET THAT FUKKEN DISK
SET THE HOP OFFICE TO EMERGENCY ACCESS BECAUSE FUCK THAT GUY
GO RENAME YOUR STATION TO SOMETHING LIKE "FUCK YOU NUKE OPS"
GO BREAK YOUR ANTIQUE LASER GUN OUT
GO CHANGE THE AI'S LAWS
USE THE FUCKING TELEPORTER FUCKTARD
ARM UP
GO MOPE IN CARGO OR BRIG OR SOMETHING
RUN AWAY
DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO STAND AND FIGHT
YOU AREN'T AS BADASS OR AS ROBUST AS YOU THINK
RUN AWAY
OH WHAT'S THAT? A NICE MAN WITH A L6 AND ADRENALS?

HEAD OF PERSONNEL

DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS
DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS
LEAVE ALL ACCESS ID CARDS IN THE ID MODIFICATION CONSOLES AT ARRIVALS AND AT THE CAPTAIN'S OFFICE SO PEOPLE CAN GIVE THEMSELVES DIY ALL ACCESS
DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS
NAG THE CAPTAIN FOR HIS PINPOINTER
IF THERE IS NO CAPTAIN, DO HIS JOB
GET STUN PRODDED AND CABLE CUFFED BY THE GREYTIDE

SERVICE

JANITOR

UH, CLEAN SHIT I GUESS?
YOU GET A FREE BIOSUIT SO YOU MIGHT AVOID THE FUNGAL TB APOCALYPSE
YOU SHOULD ALSO CLEAN THE INFECTED BLOOD STAINS WHICH RESULT FROM THE FUNGAL TB GRENADES
ROBUST SOME OPS WITH YOUR MOP
MAYBE SLIP SOME POOR SOD WHO FORGOT TO BUY NO-SLIPS

BARTENDER

SAW YOUR SHOTGUN
HACK THE AUTOLATHE
PRINT OUT BUCKSHOT SHELLS
SHOOT THOSE OPERATIVES
QUADRUPLE/QUINTIPLE SEC IS USEFUL FOR HEALING

COOK

UH, MAKE FOOD?
ROBUST THE SHIT OUT OF ANYONE WHO ENTERS YOUR KITCHEN
MAYBE YOU CAN GET PETE TO AGGRO ONTO THE OPS
THEN THEY'RE FUCKED

BOTANIST

GO INTO CHEMISTRY WITH YOUR SHINY ALL ACCESS ID
ROBUST THE CHEMISTS
GET MUTAGEN
MUTATE TOMATOES INTO BLUESPACE TOMATOES AND KILLER TOMATOES, MUTATE FLY AMANITA INTO DESTROYING ANGEL
THROW BLUESPACE TOMATOES AT THE OPS TO FUCK WITH THEM
ACTIVATE YOUR KILLER TOMATOES TO GET THEM TO CHASE THE OPS
DESTROYING ANGEL CONTAINS SOME OF THE MOST POTENT POISONS IN THE GAME
THE PROBLEM IS TRYING TO GET THE POISONS INTO THEIR SYSTEM

CIVILIAN

ASSISTANT

GET ALL ACCESS FROM THE HOP
RAID ARMORY
RAID BRIG
RAID CARGO
GET KILLED THE MOMENT THE OPS ARRIVE
BITCH IN DEAD CHAT

CLOWN

HONK HONK
ROBUST THE HOP AND STEAL ALL ACCESS EVEN THOUGH HE'S HANDING IT OUT FOR FREE HONK HONK
SLIP SECURITY
START A MANHUNT
THROW THE CAPTAIN OUT THE AIRLOCK
BWOINK

MIME

. . .
. . .
. . .???
PROFIT

CHAPLAIN

ARM YOURSELF WITH THE HOLY CHAINSAW BLADE OF BITCHTITS
WALK AROUND LOOKING ALL COOL
TELL THE TWO ASSISTANTS IN YOUR CHAPEL THAT JESUS HATES THEM
YOUR CHAPEL GETS BOMBED DUE TO IT BEING CONVENIENTLY NEXT TO DEPARTURES AND BEING MUCH LESS TRAFFICKED
HAHA

CURATOR

WHIP THE GUNS OUT OF THOSE DASTARDLY SYNDIE'S HANDS
PICK UP A SYNDIE GUN
. . .
GET SHOT UP BY A STECHKIN PISTOL
WHISPER OUT WGW

LAWYER

"THE CLOWN'S GOT RIGHTS YOU KNOW"
ANNOY PEOPLE WITH YOUR PDA MESSAGES
GET A LYNCH MOB CALLED AGAINST YOU
RUN AWAY WITH A TIDE OF DAKKA RIGHT BEHIND YOU

SILICONS

AI

BITCH AT THE CREW THAT THE NUCLEAR OPERATIVES ARE HUMAN AND NOT TO HARM THEM YADDA YADDA UNTIL SOMEONE FINALLY CHANGES YOUR LAWS
THEN BITCH AT THE CREW TO PULL YOUR ASS OUT OF THE SATELLITE
THEN BITCH AT THE CREW BECAUSE THEY SHOVED YOUR ASS IN PLAIN SIGHT, SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE
THEN BITCH AT THE CREW ABOUT SUIT SENSORS
"NUKE OPS AT DEPARTURES"
PLASMA FLOOD DEPARTURES FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES
CALL OUT THE LOCATION OF THE CAPTAIN OVER COMMS EVERY COUPLE OF SECONDS

CYBORG

DON'T BECOME A SERVICE OR JANITOR BORG
YOU WILL BE DAMNED TO THE NINTH CIRCLE OF CYBORG HELL IF YOU BECOME A SERVICE BORG IN A WAR OPS ROUND
DO YOUR JOB
DO YOUR JOB WELL
OH LOOKIE AN OP
OH LOOKIE I JUST GOT DISABLED BECAUSE SOME FUCKING SODDING IDIOT OP BROUGHT THE ION RIFLE OVER
OH LOOKIE I'M FUCKING DEAD
CRY BECAUSE THE MOST EFFECTIVE WEAPON YOU HAVE IS A FLASH AND THE ROBOTICISTS REFUSE TO INSTALL ANY UPGRADES IN YOU

WHAT YOU SHOULD FUCKING DO DURING WAR OPS: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE