WHAT YOU SHOULD FUCKING DO DURING WAR OPS: THE DEFINITIVE GUIDE

• ARE YOU FUCKING PISSED ABOUT THE TIMES WHEN MEDBAY IS CARPETED WITH FUNGAL TB VICTIMS AND THE CMO SITS IN HER PRETTY BIOSUIT TWIDDLING HER THUMBS?
• ARE YOU FUCKING PISSED AT SCIENCE FOR RESEARCHING ADVANCED MINING BECAUSE SOME SPOILED BRAT MINER WANTS IT?
• WELL, YOU CAN BEAT PEOPLE ON THEIR HEAD (NOT THAT IT'LL DO MUCH WITH ALL THAT WATER INSIDE) WITH THIS FUCKING GUIDE THEN.

MEDICAL

CHIEF MEDICAL OFFICER

• SET ALL OF MEDICAL TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
• SET UP A DEFIB MOUNT IN MEDBAY LOBBY
• I DUNNO GO DO WHATEVER NEEDS TO BE DONE (USUALLY TB CURE)
• SPEND YOUR DEPARTMENT BUDGET AND MAKE FREE ORDERS

MEDICAL DOCTOR/VIROLOGIST/CHEMIST

YOU FUCKING MAKE TB CURE SHIT. ITS FUCKING EASY.

• STEP 1 GO INTO MEDBAY AND BUY SPACEACILLIN. IT'S RIGHT THERE
• STEP 2 CRACK OPEN A COLD BLUE MEDKIT WITH THE BOYS AND GRAB THE COVERMOL
• STEP 3 DUMP THE FLUID INTO A BEAKER
• STEP 4 FORCE THAT DOWN THEIR THROATS
• STEP 10 (OPTIONAL): WHEN YOU FINALLY CURE SOMEONE, TAKE THEIR BLOOD, AND TAKE IT TO VIROLOGY. MAKE IT INTO A CURE. WOW, LOOK AT THAT, INFINITE CURES!

VIROLOGIST

• OH DAWWW YOU MADE A HEALING VIRUS
• OH FUCK FUNGAL TB JUST OVERPOWERED IT AND KICKED ITS ASS
• MORAL OF THE STORY: YOUR PANSY ASS HEALING VIRUSES DON'T AND CAN'T DO SHIT AGAINST FUNGAL TB
• DON'T FUCKING MAKE HEALING VIRUSES
• ACTUALLY FUNGAL TB IS RARER THAN WHITE DOG TURDS NOWADAYS
• JUST DON'T FUCKING MAKE REGEN COMA, IT WILL PROBABLY FUCK OVER THE DISK HOLDER
• DON'T TRY TO INFECT THE OPS WITH "SPACE AIDS", THEY HAVE MODSUITS YOU BRAIN DAMAGED PRIMATE

TIPS

• THERE ARE TWO NANOMED PLUSES IN MEDICAL, ROUNDSTART. EACH NANOMED HAS 2 SYRINGES OF SPACEALLIN, MAKING FOR 4 IN TOTAL
• THE VIROLOGY FRIDGE STARTS WITH 4 SYRINGES OF SPACEALLIN
• THIS MEANS THAT WITHOUT CHEMISTRY, YOU HAVE 120u OF SPACEALLIN
• JESUS FUCKING BATMAN
• YOU CAN THROW PEOPLE INTO SLEEPERS (NOPE, NO FUN ALLOWED)
• VACCINE BOTTLES WORK TOO, BUT MAKING VACCINE BOTTLES REQUIRES YOU TO CURE SOMEONE AND THEN TAKE THEIR BLOOD, AND YOU CAN'T PREPARE A VACCINE BEFORE EVERYONE GETS FUCKING INFECTED
• GRAB THE LETHAL INJECTION SYRINGE LOCKER FROM THE "PRISONER REEDUCATION FACILITY" IN PERMABRIG AND LOAD THEM INTO YOUR SYRINGE GUN
• HAS A SUPER NICHE USE, SINCE MODSUITS PROTECT AGAINST SYRINGES, BUT IF YOU GET ONE WITHOUT A MODSUIT, A SINGLE HIT BY A LETHAL INJECTION SYRINGE PRETTY MUCH GUARANTEES THEIR DEATH

GENETICIST

• HULK IS FUCKING USELESS BECAUSE THE OPS HAVE BALLISTIC WEAPONRY AND DON'T USE STUNS
• ALSO, HULKS CAN'T USE GUNS, WHICH HANDICAPS YOUR ASS PRETTY HARD
• NO SERIOUSLY, HULK IS SHIT AGAINST OPS
• TWO COMPETENT GENETICISTS CAN GET ALL 6 POWERS WITHIN 20 MINUTES, ESPECIALLY IF THEY'RE PERMANENTLY DOSED WITH MUTADONE
• COLD RESISTANCE IS GOOD FOR SPACEWALKING WITHOUT A MODSUIT
• TELEKINESIS IS GOOD FOR MURDERING OPS WITH POTTED PLANTS
• CHAMELEON IS GOOD SO YOU CAN NOT DIE TO THE MURDERBONE
• DWARF IS, UH, GOOD FOR KITING OPS IN THE BAR
• HULK IS VOMITED UP DOG DIARRHEA LEVELS OF SHIT

SCIENCE

RESEARCH DIRECTOR

• SET ALL OF SCIENCE TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
• GO CHANGE THE AI'S LAWS IF THE CAPTAIN HASN'T DONE SO ALREADY
• DRAG THE AI'S ASS OUT OF ITS SATELLITE AND INTO SOME SECLUDED PLACE IN MAINT
• BITCH AT YOUR SUBORDINATES
• BITCH AT THE MINERS FOR WANTING BETTER FUCKING GEAR
• SPEND YOUR DEPARTMENT BUDGET AND MAKE FREE ORDERS

SCIENTIST

• DON'T RESEARCH ADVANCED MINING YOU BRAINLET
• I SAID DON'T
• BAD DOGGIE

WHAT YOU RESEARCH

• STEP 1: INDUSTRIAL ENGINEERING
• STEP 2: WEAPON DEVELOPMENT TECHNOLOGY
• STEP 3: BALLISTIC WEAPONRY
• STEP 4: WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO RESEARCH TO GET ELECTRIC WEAPONS
• STEP 5: ELECTRIC WEAPONRY
• STEP 6: WHATEVER THE FUCK YOU NEED TO RESEARCH TO GET MEDICAL WEAPONS
• STEP 7: MEDICAL WEAPONRY
• STEP 8: ROLL TIDE (EXCEPT FOR MINING TECH BECAUSE FUCK EM)

• ALSO IT MEANS THAT SECURITY CAN PRINT OUT ION CARBINES FOR THE SYNDIE BORGS WHICH ARE EVERYWHERE THESE DAYS
• MEDICAL WEAPONRY MEANS THAT YOU CAN PRINT OUT PIERCING SYRINGES, WHICH PENETRATE THROUGH NUKE OP MODSUITS, AND 15U OF LEXORIN DOWNS AN OP FOR LIKE A FULL MINUTE

WHAT THE FUCK ELSE

• XENOBIO IS FUCKING USELESS BECAUSE IT CAN'T DO JACK IN 20 MINUTES
• ORDNANCE GOES BOOM BOOM. BLOW UP SHIP AND HAVE NEURON ACTIVATION
• IF YOU DO CIRCUITS I WILL PILEDRIVE YOU INTO THE FLOOR
• DON'T YOU DARE DO CIRCUITS
• DO EXPERIMENTS YOU BRAINLET, POINTS ARE POINTS

ROBOTICIST

• MAKE BORGS
• MAKE BORGS
• IF YOU SPAWN WITH RIPLEY BOARDS, BUILD A FIREFIGHTER RIPLEY AND MK II KIT (DONT BUILD A STOCK RIPLEY BECAUSE SOME SYNDIE MECHS USE FLAME WEAPONS)
• STRAP A DRILL ONTO IT
• PILOT IT INTO MANLY BATTLE AGAINST A DARK MAULER
• DRILL THEIR ASSES
• WIN

CARGO

QUARTERMASTER/CARGO TECHNICIAN

• MOVE FREIGHT
• MOVE CRATES
• MOVE FREIGHT
• EAT CITRUS
• BUY GUNS
• DISTRIBUTE GUNS
• SELL ALL OF THE PLASMA THE MINERS BRING BACK
• ORDER MORE GUNS
• DONT ORDER ENERGY GUNS OR OTHER LAME ASS LASER WEAPONRY BECAUSE SYNDIES CAN DEFLECT THEM WITH ESWORDS/ESHIELDS

QUARTERMASTER

• SET ALL OF CARGO TO EMERGENCY ACCESS SO THE GREYTIDE CAN GET THOSE SWEET ASS GUNS
• BITCH AT YOUR SUBORDINATES
• SPEND YOUR DEPARTMENT BUDGER AND MAKE FREE ORDERS

SHAFT MINER

• MINE ORE
• MINE PLASMA
• MAYBE KILL AN ASH DRAKE THAT WOULD BE SWEET AS SHIT
• DON'T DIE
• DON'T BITCH AT SCIENCE TO RESEARCH MINING TECH
• DON'T BITCH AT CARGO FOR SHIPPING YOUR ORE TO CENTCOMM
• ACTUALLY BE ON THE STATION AT THE 20 MINUTE MARK
• BUY A MINING MODSUIT AND AS MANY KA RANGE UPGRADES AS YOU CAN
• GO INTO SPACE
• SHIT ON THE SYNDIES WITH YOUR 40 DAMAGE INFINITE AMMO GUN
• LOLOLOL

ENGINEERING

CHIEF ENGINEER

• SET ALL OF ENGINEERING TO EMERGENCY ACCESS FOR EMITTER MEMES
• OPEN SECURE STORAGE
• TOW THE AI OUT OF ITS SATELLITE IF NO ONE ELSE IS WILLING TO
• SPEND YOUR DEPARTMENT BUDGET AND MAKE FREE ORDERS

ENGINEER

• SET UP THE SUPERMATTER
• SET UP THE SOLARS
• GO TOW SOME EMERGENCY BREACH SHIELDING GENERATOR THINGIES TO THE SUPERMATTER COOLING LOOP SO SYNDIES CAN'T SABOTAGE IT AS EASILY
• MAKE STUNPRODS BECAUSE YOUR ENGI-VEND HAS 10 FUCKING HIGH CAPACITY POWER CELLS
• WAIT FOR THE SUPERMATTER TO BE INEVITABLY BLOWN UP
• DON'T RCD SOME SHITTY ASS DEFENSES IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HALLWAY
• THESE DEFENSES LITERALLY SHATTER IN 2 HITS FROM A L6

ATMOSPHERIC TECHNICIAN

• SET UP ATMOS
• MAYBE HELP MAKE A MAXCAP
• DIE WHEN OPS BREAK IN THROUGH ATMOS WHILE YOU MAKE POOPFARTIUM-132
• MAYBE MAKE HEALIUM OR NITRIUM STUFF THAT GOES HARD

SECURITY

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO

• KILL KILL KILL KILL
• OH GOD THAT OP HAS A DSWORD
• OH GOD THEY DEFLECTED MY BATON
• DIE

HEAD OF SECURITY

• GRAB YOUR SHIT
• OPEN ARMORY
• REMEMBER THAT YOUR OFFICERS GET PRIORITY ON WEAPONS AND GEAR OVER THE GREYTIDE
• DISTRIBUTE THE LEFTOVERS TO THE GREYTIDE
• TRY TO FOLLOW THE CAPTAIN
• CONTRACT TB
• WATCH MEDBAY WALK OVER YOUR GASPING COMATOSE BODY
• SPEND YOUR DEPARTMENT BUDGET AND MAKE FREE ORDERS

WARDEN

• OPEN ARMORY
• SET ALL OF BRIG TO EMERGENCY ACCESS
• YOU AND THE SECURITY OFFICERS GET DIBS ON GEAR
• PREPARE FOR WHEN BRIG GETS SYNDIE BOMBED
• ASK FOR THE PINPOINTER FROM THE CAPTAIN
• OH WHATS THAT? A SYNDIE BOMB CONVENIENTLY PARKED OUTSIDE THE ARMORY? OH JOY!

SECURITY OFFICER

• ARM UP
• ARM UP
• THROW AWAY YOUR ARMOR VEST AND GRAB SOME BULLETPROOF ARMOR, SYNDIES DON'T USE LASERS FOR SOME REASON
• RUN AROUND
• HARMBATON THE CLOWN
• VALID HUNT

COMMAND

CAPTAIN

• GET THAT FUKKEN DISK
• SET THE HOP OFFICE TO EMERGENCY ACCESS BECAUSE FUCK THAT GUY
• GO RENAME YOUR STATION TO SOMETHING LIKE "FUCK YOU NUKE OPS"
• GO BREAK YOUR ANTIQUE LASER GUN OUT
• GO CHANGE THE AI'S LAWS
• USE THE FUCKING TELEPORTER IDIOT
• ARM UP
• GO MOPE IN CARGO OR BRIG OR SOMETHING
• RUN AWAY
• DON'T YOU FUCKING DARE TRY TO STAND AND FIGHT
• YOU AREN'T AS BADASS OR AS ROBUST AS YOU THINK
• RUN AWAY
• OH WHAT'S THAT? A NICE MAN WITH A L6 AND ADRENALS?

HEAD OF PERSONNEL

• DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS CRY
• DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS CRY
• LEAVE ALL ACCESS ID CARDS IN THE ID MODIFICATION CONSOLES AT ARRIVALS AND AT THE CAPTAIN'S OFFICE SO PEOPLE CAN GIVE THEMSELVES DIY ALL ACCESS CRY
• DISTRIBUTE ALL ACCESS CRY
• NAG THE CAPTAIN FOR HIS PINPOINTER AND THE SPARE
• IF THERE IS NO CAPTAIN, DO HIS JOB
• GET STUN PRODDED AND CABLE CUFFED BY THE GREYTIDE

SERVICE

JANITOR

• UH, CLEAN SHIT I GUESS?
• YOU GET A FREE BIOSUIT SO YOU MIGHT AVOID THE FUNGAL TB APOCALYPSE
• YOU SHOULD ALSO CLEAN THE INFECTED BLOOD STAINS WHICH RESULT FROM THE FUNGAL TB GRENADES
• ROBUST SOME OPS WITH YOUR MOP
• MAYBE SLIP SOME POOR SOD WHO FORGOT TO BUY NO-SLIPS

BARTENDER

• SHOOT THOSE OPERATIVES
• QUADRUPLE/QUINTIPLE SEC IS USEFUL FOR HEALING
• DOCTOR DELIGHT IS GOOD FOR HEALING
• HEARTY PUNCH IS GOOD FOR HEALING
• LAUGH AS MEDBAY DIES
• OH BOY A BOMB JUST BROKE ALL THE GLASSES YOU MADE

COOK

• UH, MAKE FOOD?
• ROBUST THE SHIT OUT OF ANYONE WHO ENTERS YOUR KITCHEN
• MAYBE YOU CAN GET PETE TO AGGRO ONTO THE OPS
• THEN THEY'RE FUCKED

BOTANIST

• GO INTO CHEMISTRY WITH YOUR SHINY ALL ACCESS ID
• ROBUST THE CHEMISTS
• GET MUTAGEN
• MUTATE TOMATOES INTO BLUESPACE TOMATOES AND KILLER TOMATOES, MUTATE FLY AMANITA INTO DESTROYING ANGEL
• THROW BLUESPACE TOMATOES AT THE OPS TO FUCK WITH THEM
• ACTIVATE YOUR KILLER TOMATOES TO GET THEM TO CHASE THE OPS
• DESTROYING ANGEL CONTAINS SOME OF THE MOST POTENT POISONS IN THE GAME
• THE PROBLEM IS TRYING TO GET THE POISONS INTO THEIR SYSTEM

CIVILIAN

ASSISTANT

• GET ALL ACCESS FROM THE HOPCRY
• RAID ARMORY
• RAID BRIG
• RAID CARGO
• GET KILLED THE MOMENT THE OPS ARRIVE
• BITCH IN DEAD CHAT

CLOWN

• HONK HONK
• ROBUST THE HOP AND STEAL ALL ACCESS EVEN THOUGH HE'S HANDING IT OUT FOR FREE HONK HONKCRY
• SLIP SECURITY
• START A MANHUNT
• THROW THE CAPTAIN OUT THE AIRLOCK
• BWOINK

CHAPLAIN

• ARM YOURSELF WITH THE HOLY CHAINSAW BLADE OF BITCHTITS
• WALK AROUND LOOKING ALL COOL
• TELL THE TWO ASSISTANTS IN YOUR CHAPEL THAT JESUS HATES THEM
• YOUR CHAPEL GETS BOMBED DUE TO IT BEING CONVENIENTLY NEXT TO DEPARTURES AND BEING MUCH LESS TRAFFICKED
• HAHA

CURATOR

• WHIP THE GUNS OUT OF THOSE DASTARDLY SYNDIE'S HANDS
• PICK UP A SYNDIE GUN
• . . .
• GET SHOT UP BY A STECHKIN PISTOL
• WHISPER OUT WGW

LAWYER

• "THE CLOWN'S GOT RIGHTS YOU KNOW"
• ANNOY PEOPLE WITH YOUR PDA MESSAGES
• GET A LYNCH MOB CALLED AGAINST YOU
• RUN AWAY WITH A TIDE OF DAKKA RIGHT BEHIND YOU

SILICONS

AI

• BITCH AT THE CREW THAT THE NUCLEAR OPERATIVES ARE HUMAN AND NOT TO HARM THEM YADDA YADDA UNTIL SOMEONE FINALLY CHANGES YOUR LAWS
• THEN BITCH AT THE CREW TO PULL YOUR ASS OUT OF THE SATELLITE
• THEN BITCH AT THE CREW BECAUSE THEY SHOVED YOUR ASS IN PLAIN SIGHT, SMACK IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BRIDGE
• THEN BITCH AT THE CREW ABOUT SUIT SENSORS
• "NUKE OPS AT DEPARTURES"
• PLASMA FLOOD DEPARTURES FOR SHITS AND GIGGLES
• CALL OUT THE LOCATION OF THE CAPTAIN OVER COMMS EVERY COUPLE OF SECONDS

CYBORG

• DON'T BECOME A SERVICE OR JANITOR BORG
• YOU WILL BE DAMNED TO THE NINTH CIRCLE OF CYBORG HELL IF YOU BECOME A SERVICE BORG IN A WAR OPS ROUND
• DO YOUR JOB
• DO YOUR JOB WELL
• OH LOOKIE AN OP
• OH LOOKIE I'M FUCKING DEAD
• CRY BECAUSE THE MOST EFFECTIVE WEAPON YOU HAVE IS A FLASH AND THE ROBOTICISTS REFUSE TO INSTALL ANY UPGRADES IN YOU